 وأقول في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزاله وأقول قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأواله الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ with the praise of Allah by asking Allah to exalt the mentioned grand peace our messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم to his family and his companions This is another installment in the course on the Muslim family the short course on the Muslim family brought to you by المدرسة العمارية We've spoken about the characteristics of the ideal husband and we took out some time to talk about the Hadith of Umzar because of the benefits we can take from it in the way the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم behaved towards his family and also in the way that the women complained or mentioned good about their husbands and what we can take from that and learn from that So now we come on to the ideal wife Now when we talk about the ideal wife it's really important to say that there is something in this for everybody So if a sister is unmarried it gives her some goals to aspire towards how she should be when she gets married If a brother is unmarried it gives him an idea of the kind of person he should be looking for Again, we're not talking about perfection Perfection is with Allah سبحانه وتعالى And with whoever Allah gives perfection to like the ambia and the Rasul the messengers and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم But we're talking about what we should what should I If I'm looking to get married What kind of person am I looking for And said to do the right thing and go come as near to it as you can As for the woman who is married It's not a case of saying well I'm married now I can't change it's trying to improve Trying to correct ourselves Trying to improve the way that we are in our character And likewise for the men who are married It can give you an idea of what's important and what isn't Because sometimes as we said If a man is to take his wife to account for every small thing Then this will lead to a breakdown in the marriage So he also needs to know what's important and what isn't So Insha'Allah there's something in this video For everyone بيثن يلاي تعالى Regardless whether they are male or female Regardless of whether they are married or unmarried But we are talking about what should the characteristics be of the ideal wife We're going to start with a حريث بخالية المسلم Which is the حريث of أبي هوريرا رضي الله تعالى عنه أرضه عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال تنكح المرأة لأربع نمالها وليحسبها وليجمالها وليدينها فضفر بذات الدين تريبت يدك أبو هوريرا رضي الله عن Reported the حريث زن بخالية المسلم From the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم That he said a woman is married for one of four things Either for her wealth Or for her reputation stroke family Or for her beauty Or for her religion So be successful by choosing The one for religion The one of religion The woman of religion تريبت يدك So let's just take this حريث And break it down Step by step And word by word A woman is married for one of four things These four things generally Summarize four qualities That are reasons why people marry Or reasons why a man would marry a woman Some of them apply the other way around But generally speaking These are reasons why men would marry a woman The first one The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم Mentioned is لِمَا لِهَا Because she has money And that could be for a number of reasons Either it could be that he thinks that She'll be less of a burden Because she has her own money Or he thinks that he can convince her To give him Because of course He's obliged to spend on her But he thinks he can convince her To give him money To pay off his debt Or that he can use her money For something For an investment For a business Or whatever So he's interested in her For her money Being interested in someone for their money Is that a lasting Basis for a marriage? Is that something that's going to make this marriage last? It's not going to make the marriage last Because ultimately money comes and goes She might be rich today She might be poor tomorrow If she has money But she doesn't have religion Then what's the danger there? She has money But not religion She might spend that money on Haram And she might become a burden For her husband in that regard The second reason For her reputation Or her family Al-Hasab could refer to Ayvet Could refer to her reputation in herself That she is there to manzip She's a person A woman of position And status This is a reason why people marry For position and status So he wants to marry her Because she has a position and status But what's the problem with that? The problem is That that position and status If it doesn't come with religion What's going to be the problem? That she might misuse it That she might look down on her husband She might say Who are you even to tell me what to do Or to even ask me to do something When I'm from this family And I'm from this background And I'm from this position And you're just a A low person With a low background A low You don't have a good reputation Or whatever It might be that she misuses it In terms of she's a fitna Outside She's a danger In terms of other men Because she's a person of status And beauty But she's not a person of religion And it might be If it's relating to the family That not every I mean You're not marrying the family You're not marrying the family You're marrying The woman, not the family So it might be that She comes from a noble family And her ancestors did great things And her father did great things And grandfather did great things And mother did great things But ultimately That doesn't mean that She will really be like that لجمالها For her beauty What's wrong with beauty Didn't the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam Say in an authentic hadith أنا ذارت إليها Have you looked at her Any are you content With how she looks Nothing wrong with beauty But beauty without religion Again could be a fitna Could be a trial for the people That she's not keeping herself to herself But she's very beautiful And she doesn't have religion So she's causing that discord To happen in her family And for her husband Because she's very beautiful But she doesn't have that religion To go with that beauty And the fourth reason That a person might marry a woman Is he might marry that woman For her religion And that's the one The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam advised So from this We're talking about characteristics Of the ideal wife In all honesty The only one that matters Is religion To start with In this hadith The only one that matters is religion She can't really control Whether she's beautiful or not And beauty comes and goes right Like in the sense that She might be beautiful When he first marries her And after a while You know he gets bored Maybe she gets older After she's had kids Maybe there's the same beauty That is not there That was there when she was younger And he was younger And the same can be said for him There's nothing different about him He could be exactly the same But here beauty Isn't something that we say Is in the control of the woman That she should be beautiful The ideal wife should be beautiful The ideal wife Should make the best effort she can In how she looks for her husband There's no doubt about that She should make the best effort She can to look nice for her husband But It doesn't mean that She and herself being beautiful Or not is not what matters Her reputation If she's got reputation And Dean She's got status And Dean She's got a great family And Dean Alhamdulillah And religion Alhamdulillah That's excellent But what matters is the religion And that's the one that she can control The wealth comes and goes If she has her own wealth And she doesn't need much From her husband to support her Alhamdulillah That's great Why not? But ultimately It's not what matters So in this hadith What really matters In terms of The description Of the ideal wife Is that she is that A Dean She's a person of religion And we said a Dean Refers to how She worships Allah Her Ibadah With Allah Her relationship with Allah Her Taqwa Her fear of Allah All of that comes under a Dean And more And in reality That's what really matters The other things are a bonus If she's beautiful Alhamdulillah She's got a good family reputation Or she's from a high status A background Alhamdulillah If she's got wealth Why not? Alhamdulillah But ultimately It's not what matters It's not what's important What's important Is her religion And how many people married Someone because she was beautiful Because she was alluring Because she had a big Reputation She was well known Because she was wealthy And ended up You know خاسرا خسران مبينة Lost everything Because She wasn't a person of religion And not being a person of religion Doesn't necessarily mean I mean she might not necessarily commit zina For example But not being a person of religion She just brought hardship And loss And problems to that individual Because she had المال الحسب الجمال She was beautiful She had Great reputation Family background She was wealthy But she didn't have the Dean You can have the Dean Without any of those three But you can't have all of those three Without the Dean That's what's really important So he said the first thing From the ideal wife Is a Dean And that's the same for the ideal husband Because we said The حديث إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكيحه If a man comes to you seeking Your daughter's hand in marriage And you're pleased with his Dean His religion And his character Marry her to him So both of these Shared For the husband and the wife That what matters First of all is their religion That's what lasts That's what's going to last That's what's going to last You grow all together And you know You're both You know All the people What's going to last Is the Dean The جمال is not going to last The beauty is not going to last Add it and usually You know the family background It's not really worth anything Wealth comes and goes But what lasts Is the religion And that's what really matters So that's what we think Is very important As it relates to جمال Beauty We said that she should make From the characteristics of IDW She should make the best Of what she has She should make the best Of what she has She can't control How beautiful she is But she can Make the best Of what She has And this is something Which is actually A real benefit And a real point Which you can You can highlight Is that If she makes an effort With what she has Well, that would be enough It would be enough But what happens is One of two things Either from the guy's side His expectations are so high And this is one of the evils Of all of the pictures of women That are everywhere All of these photo-shopped pictures of women That are not real women They're not real These pictures of models And you know All these pictures that you get You get You're so panel like If you cover your eyes You still see them They're everywhere on the road The billboards The shopping malls On your computer When you open the browsers And all that stuff All these pictures of photo-shopped women That aren't real And it sets a wrong expectation In the mind of That man He expects that women Actually look like that Or women look like that After you import the picture into Photoshop And you know Spend half an hour Making her look completely different To how she really looks It's completely unrealistic expectations That's one issue The other issue is If the woman isn't making an effort From her side She's not making an effort To do the best of what she has Like How she looks That's how Allah made her look But at least she should make an effort To be the best That she can be For her husband And the husband should do the same For her We said This is narrated From some of the صحابة رضي الله عنهم That they were like this That they would make an effort For their wife So their wife would make an effort With them And if she made an effort It would be more than enough It would be more than enough And we'll come perhaps To some of the حديث Which will indicate more about this In شاء الله و تعالى As we progress through the course Our next حديث عن ابدي الله ابني عمر رضي الله عنهم أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال الدنيا متاع و خير متاع الدنيا المرأة الصالحة عبد الله ابن عمر رضي الله عنهما Said the message of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم Said This world is a metاع It's something temporary You enjoy your life in it for a time And the best of the temporary provision of the world The best of the things that you have For this temporary time in the world Is a righteous wife المرأة الصالحة Now I just added this To emphasize that a deen To emphasize a woman who is that a deen She's a person of religion I just really wanted to emphasize that Look at how the Prophet ﷺ described This whole دنيا is temporary This whole دنيا is just a provision You've been given that is going to run out At a specified time And the best thing you can have It's not a big house A beautiful car It's not loads of money The best thing you can have in this دنيا Is a مرأة الصالحة A righteous wife So the ideal wife She is صالحة She's righteous She's righteous She does righteous deeds She believes in Allah سبحانه وتعالى Her أقيدة Is the أقيدة بأهل السنة والجماعة Her actions are the actions Which are reported From the Prophet ﷺ His companions Those that his companions acted upon That's what she does She's صالحة She's righteous So that just adds to What we mentioned about That a deen وعن أنسن رضي الله عنه أنه قال كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يأمر بالباءة وينهى عن التباتر نهين شديدة ويقول تزوج الودود الولود إني مكاثر بكم الأنبياء يوم القيامة We already mentioned this hadith Earlier on in the course But I wanted to focus on two Aspects within this hadith The Hadith of Anas The Messenger of Allah ﷺ used to command People to marry And used to forbid celibacy With a strong prohibition And he said Marry the woman that is ودود and ولود Marry the woman that is ودود and ولود So marry the woman That is ودود She's loving She's loving And she is ولود She is going to bear you many children So from the characteristics Of the ideal wife Is that she's very loving And caring And that means She's loving towards her husband وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة We put between you Love And mercy So it means That she's loving towards her husband And it also means That she's loving towards her family She's going to be a loving mother A caring mother Someone who The thing that is predominant In her personality Is she's loving and caring She's ودود She's loving and caring As for her being ولود Having many children And then there is an aspect of this That Or there are three aspects of this If you want to take it like that From the man's side He looks for a woman Who he thinks Will have many children He looks for a woman Who he thinks will have many children Now How would he look at that? There are two aspects First is Her desire to have many children And that's what the woman can control She can't control the second part Which is Whether he thinks she will be able to do that And that could be By looking at her family Does she come from a family That had many children Is she You know Within the family culture That she's in before marriage Is it that To have children Or is it that You know My career comes first And my children come second Or is it that You know I might want You know One child Or two Whatever The Prophet said to me Told us To marry a woman That is ودود She's loving and ودود She's going to give you many children So She's going to give you many children As we said There's an aspect A woman can control And an aspect She can't control The aspect she can't control Is the You know Genetics And so on And so forth And You know What Allah decreased For her to have from children But what she can't control Is Her desire to have kids The culture now Especially we take a lot From Western culture Like having very few children And That You know Children are maybe Very difficult And it's hard to manage And so on Whereas the Muslim culture Is to have many children The Prophet So I said إن مكاثيرا بكم والنبيا يوم القيامة In the narration of مققل يصار In سونة أبي داود إن مكاثيرا بكم والأمام I'm going to Boast of your numbers Before all the nations يوم القيامة And boast of the numbers Of righteous people And how The Muslim nation grows To have more and more Righteous people Is by having lots of children Having children is not an easy thing It's not an easy thing For either parent Especially not easy For a mother الله سبحانه وتعالى Told us حملته كرها ووضعته كرها She carried the baby In a hardship And she gave birth In hardship It's not an easy thing But the woman That is the ideal wife Is one That really genuinely Wants to have children And wants to have A lot of children As many as she can And the rest is down To Allah سبحانه وتعالى So even the husband When he's looking to get married Or the man He's looking to get married He's obviously going to look at Do I think إن شاء الله With the help of Allah She'll have a lot of children But these days The barrier is not The You know that Allah didn't You know She wanted to have children But Allah didn't decree For her to have children Or that You know she has some sickness Why she can't have children The barrier in these days is The woman doesn't want to have any kids She's like I don't want to have kids Kids are hardship And a burden And you know Like or she just wants To have very few children So That's not the characteristic Of the ideal wife She want to have as many children As is possible And feasible And whatever Allah سبحانه وتعالى Decrees after that It's not in her hands after that So we hope that that has At least explained That point The next characteristic That we're going to come to From the characteristics of the wife As we've already mentioned She is ودود But she should also be merciful And we can take this From the Aya Which we've already covered In sort of room Which is ayah number 21 ومن آياته And خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة إن في ذلك لآيات لقومية تفكرون From the signs of Allah That He created for you From yourselves Spouses Your wives لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة We're going to take three things from this ayah As it relates to the characteristic of the ideal wife Number one is that She should make her husband Feel comfortable لتسكنوا إليها She should make her husband Feel comfortable Make him feel at home Make him feel relaxed Make him feel سكينة Tranquility Make him feel That his heart is at peace That's how she should And she should strive To be a woman That that's her Her objective In terms of her marriage To make her husband Feel comfortable To make him feel peaceful Not to stress him out Not to be a worry for him Not to be a source of arguments for him For him to find سكينة with her لتسكنوا إليها She should be a woman of مودة Which we said الوادود The loving one المودة is very similar But it's a bit more than that That she Loves her husband She looks out for her husband Because part of مودة She's looking out for him Taking care of him Being there for him She's there for her husband And she's merciful towards him Sometimes he's not going to do the right thing And especially when the husband is In Islam at the head of the household Sometimes he makes decisions That are not right Sometimes he decides things That aren't correct But she has patience with it She forgives his mistake She overlooks if he's not If he's a bit distant one day And he's not as caring as he should be If he forgot about something That he was supposed to give her She overlooks it So this آية contains Three really really important things That we can take First of all That she tries to make her husband Feel peaceful Feel happy Content in his heart Feel relaxed When he's with her She doesn't stress him Or worry him Or argue with him She is a person Who loves her husband And looks out for him And takes care of him And she has mercy When he falls short in The things that she would normally expect from him She has mercy with him In that regard And she forgives him For the mistakes that he makes And this can be said also For the husband They can take it the other way And say the exact same thing About the husband That the husband should make his wife Feel comfortable Make her feel relaxed He should be loving towards her He should be looking out for her And he should be merciful towards her She makes a mistake He should overlook it And so on All of these can be said About the husband And the wife But I just brought this In the characteristics Of the wife We had spoken about it earlier Because I wanted to highlight The Tesqunu Ileha That she finds that He finds that tranquility With her That peace with her So she tries to make him comfortable She tries to make him relaxed And she tries to make him Feel That he's at peace When he's with her And she has that love And that care for him And also that mercy And forgiveness Towards him as well There is a حديث And the حديث is narrated in صحيح البخاري And it's a long حديث Regarding the story of حديبية I only want to read you a part of the حديث Because this part of the حديث Has a real benefit in it As it relates to the attributes That we would wish for In the ideal wife The narration is as follows فلما لم يقم منهم أحد دخل على أم سلمة فذكر لها مالقية من الناس فقالت أم سلمة يا نبي الله أتحب ذلك أخرج ثم لا تكلم أحد منهم كلمة حتى تنحر بدنك وتدعو حالقك فيحلقك وحلقك لذا في حديث حديبية The Prophet ﷺ كانت مقامة للشخص لأنهم لم يكلموا أن يقومون أمرة He commanded the people To shave their heads And to sacrifice their animals That they had brought with them No one did anything It's like they were frozen They just couldn't bring themselves to do it And the Prophet ﷺ became worried And he came to أم سلمة And he mentioned and he told أم سلمة The people are not This is what the people are doing They're not sacrificing I've told them to sacrifice They're not sacrificing I've told them to shave their head They're not shaving The head أم سلمة She said Oh Prophet of Allah Do you love or do you wish for this? She said Go out Don't say anything to anyone Then slaughter Your sacrificial animal And call for the person to shave your head So I'm going to ask you to pause the video here As we get towards the end of the class Pause the video And ask yourself What is the characteristic that we take From this حديث About the ideal wife? So hopefully you paused the video And had a think about it The characteristic that I think here is That the ideal wife is one who is Her husband feels comfortable to consult with her And she gives good advice to her husband So look at how the Prophet of Allah was shaken Because he had told his companions Slow to your animals Shave your Slow to your animals Shave your heads And they were just frozen It wasn't that they were disobeying the Prophet of Allah They just were completely frozen They just had They were just so shocked They couldn't bring themselves to do it The Prophet of Allah Straight away he felt like I could go and I can go and share this with أم سلمة So she was open like that Like he felt he could share with her And she was extremely wise And she had a lot of knowledge So he asked her He asked her about it And he mentioned And she gave him such good advice She said Go out Don't say anything to anyone Slow to your animal And shave your head When the people see the Prophet So I'm slow to his animal And shaving his head Then they will understand that it's to be done It will break the Like the way that they are frozen Like that It will just stop And the people will do it Because it's not that they want to disobey The Prophet of Allah It's just that they were So shocked by what happened And so lost That they just were like Frozen like a rabbit in the headlights And so here When the Prophet of Allah Went out and did it The people did What the Prophet of Allah Asked them To do So she was there for him That's a great character She was there for him She was He felt he could share and ask her advice And she gave excellent advice When he asked for it So this is These are from the characteristics Of the ideal wife In صورة النساء Allah عز و جل Mentioned a group of characteristics About the ideal wife And this is in Ayah number 34 Allah عز و جل Said فى الصالحاتو قاني تاتون حافظاتون للغيبي بما حافظ الله الله عز و جل Said The righteous women And we talked about righteousness Earlier on وخير متاع الدنيا المرأة الصالحة The righteous wife قاني تات So she said صالحات righteous قاني تات So قاني تات that Here is that She is submissive to Allah سبحانه وتعالى حافظاتون للغيب And this is the one That I wanted to highlight She takes care of herself When her husband is not there She is Protects herself in his absence And this is a characteristic of The ideal wife That she looks after Her husband Her husband's honor Her husband's property Her husband's reputation When he's not there حافظاتون للغيب She takes care of herself When the husband is not there She takes care of his property And he knows that when he goes She won't be doing something He wouldn't approve of She won't be going out In a way that he wouldn't approve She won't be dressing In a way that he wouldn't approve She won't be mixing with people In a way that he wouldn't approve She won't be bringing people Into the house In a way that he wouldn't approve She won't be using the house In a way that he wouldn't approve حافظاتون للغيب بمحافظ الله She's looking after things In her husband's absence And that's the one that I wanted to Focus upon In this particular آية In صورة النساء Also I wanted to mention a حريث And this حريث Is a حريث Of أبي هوريرة رضي الله عنه إذا صلت المرأة خمسها وصامت شهرها وحصنت فرجها وأطاعت بعلها دخلت من أي أبواب الجنة شاعت إذا فرقت رجلها في رجلها وردها رمضان فهذا هو بحيث دين بحيث دين She's a person of religion وردها بحيثها وردها She's chased She takes care of her chastity وردها حافظاتون للغيب In her husband's absence وأطاعت بعلها And this is the one that I wanted from this حريث That she obeys her husband So from the characteristics of the ideal wife Is that she's obedient to her husband Now obedience to the husband And again we talk about this later on We talk about marital disagreements And the way the family should be structured And things like that But obedience to the husband Is not an absolute It's obedience to him In what is not disobedience to Allah So if he tells her to do something haram Then that's not an option At the end of the day obedience to Allah comes first And it doesn't mean that husband is better than her It doesn't mean that he's Necessarily higher in the sight of Allah But Allah has organized a family like that Allah has organized the husband To be at the head of the family So the woman for that to work She has to listen to what her husband says Of course if he tells her to do haram She's not going to do it With the best of manners And the most kind of behavior But she's not going to do it But if he tells her to do something halal Or he tells her to do something Which in the first place Is something that Allah Which I've recommended Or made obligatory Whatever the case may be She's going to obey her husband in that If she does that What does she get? She can enter from any of the eight doors of paradise Which ever door That she wants Which ever door that she wants She can enter paradise from any gate Now I think that is a huge advantage For a woman Because a man to enter each of those eight doors Has to do the deeds of those eight doors For example Arrayan The door of fasting He has to be someone who fasts And does voluntary fasts And strict on his fasting And always does as many fasts as he can Then he can be from the people of Arrayan The one who enters the doors of fasting But as for the woman She prays a five daily prayers She fasts her Ramadan She keeps herself chased And she looks after Or obeys her husband Any door of the eight doors of jannah Go in whichever one you want And that's a big blessing For a woman It's not a big request is it To pray five times a day Fast a month of Ramadan Keep yourself chased And obey your husband It's not a lot to ask for To be able to enter any of the doors of jannah That she wishes We're going to cover one more hadith This hadith is the hadith of عبد الله بن عمر رضي الله عنهما عن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال يا معشر النسى تصدق وأكثرنا الاستغفار فإني رأيت كنا أكثر أهل النار فقالت امرأة منهم جزلة وما لنا يا رسول الله أكثر أهل النار قال تكثرنا اللعن وتكفرنا العشير This hadith of عبد الله بن عمر من رضي الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أنه قال All group of women Give charity And make a lot of istighfar So that's also two characteristics of women in general Married or unmarried But particularly married That they give a lot of sadaqa And make a lot of istighfar For I saw you to be the majority of the people of the fire A woman among them said Asking the Prophet ﷺ What has made us the majority of the people of the fire? The Prophet ﷺ said You curse frequently And you are ungrateful towards your husband So again Like we looked at the men who do things wrong And we looked at the hadith of Umzar And we spoke about the men that fall short And how we can reverse it I want to reverse this First of all The sadaqa The istighfar And also The fact that we reverse the other two That she doesn't She tries not to curse She tries not to get emotional And say Allah cursed this person Some women curse their own children Some women curse their own husbands Some people curse their own parents والعياذ بالله We seek refuge with Allah So she doesn't Let herself like the man Doesn't let himself be frequently on the talaq She doesn't let herself frequently Involve curses upon people And she's grateful for what her husband did Look at the hadith of Umzar Inna How grateful she was For what her husband did for her Even though he divorced her Most women would say He divorced me And I never remember anything before that But سبحان الله Here He divorced her But she only mentioned the good from him And this تكفرنا العشير You're ungrateful towards your husband Is the example of the person who says I've lived all this time with you وما رأيت منك خيرا قط And I've never seen anything good from you You've never done anything good from me Or you've never been there for me You've never listened to me You've never helped me You've never spent on me You've never All this with never, never, never This is what the ideal wife doesn't say She says Look, you've done good for me And maybe sometimes you fell shorter Than what I would want No problem But she doesn't say You've never done any good from me I've never seen any good from you You've never been good for me I wish I'd never married you And all of these statements Because this can bring her To be from the people of the Of the fire That's what Allah عز و جل Made it easy For us to mention in this lesson And Allah عز و جل Was best وصلات و السلام على نبينا محمد وعلى آله و صحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم If you're enjoying these videos And you'd like to keep up to date With all of the courses We're going to be running Make sure you head over To amauathome.com