 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, the two types of men that come on strong. One is good, one is bad. Two types of men that come on strong. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can get seen in the YouTube algorithm. Lastly, these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony. Very similar to the videos I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and ask me questions in our group page. And I shoot individualized videos just for you. So check out the link below to the VIP group. It's only a few bucks a month. Anyway, let's talk about the two types of men that come on strong. So you know, it's interesting. I was watching a video from one of my contemporaries and he was talking how men are hunters and they're pursuers and that's their job to hunt and pursue. And what was interesting was he was talking about a seasoned relationship, how a man is supposed to be continually hunting and pursuing in the relationship. And I don't know what planet he lives on because I know most men, when they enter into a relationship, they nest into the relationship, they actually get kind of lazy. The last thing they do is hunt when someone's in a relationship. But certainly in the beginning stages, most of you have been heard or have been indoctrinated in the conversation that men love the hunt and men love the chase and men love to pursue. So with that narrative comes this idea of coming on too strong in the pursuit phase, coming on too strong. Like he loved Bomb Me for example or he was just smothering me with attention and I wasn't as interested as him and then he came on so strong and then poof, he went away. Why would someone come on so strong and then poof, run away? Well, that's what I want to lean into today. Why would someone come on strong and then poof away? Because it's basically the there's two types of men that come on strong and then poof away and then there's a type of man that comes on strong if you will and he actually wants a fully committed relationship with you and that's what we're going to lean in today in this conversation. Because the reality is, is you ladies recognize the men who come on strong who are not commitment oriented and the men that are not going to go the distance and yet you probably either blindly or refused to see this happening because the reality is, is the beginning stages of dating is hyper focused on the chemistry phase of dating and not the real important values and lifestyle compatibility and emotional compatibility needed to actually build a juicy, delicious relationship with someone, juicy, delicious, healthy relationship with someone I should say. And so the types of men that come on strong that are going to poof away versus the type of man that'll come on strong and actually want to sustain a relationship with you basically looks like this. Okay, for the man who's, let's, okay, let's go back to that chemistry piece and I've experienced this so I know I've met women where I've, you know, we've connected with one another, there was mutual attraction. I mean, it was like we almost want to lip lock right away when we saw each other and it was literally driven by that chemical of, of dopamine, if you will, I truly believe it's a chemical of dopamine that's being released in the brain that says, I like this person, I like this person, I like this person and I just feel this need to want to get close, close, close, close, close. But it's coming from a place of physicality. In other words, it's coming from a place of lust. It's coming from a place of, like, sexual desire and not necessarily from a place of really wanting to be in a relationship with someone. But when these chemicals take over, it's like a magnet that makes you just want to just be with this person and I've been with women who have felt exactly the same way, like the physical connection was so strong, you just wanted to pounce each other. Now, I don't know if you've experienced that. I hope you have because it is kind of fun to have that experience at least once in your lifetime, sometimes many times. But ultimately what is causing that drive is the sexual piece. It's the sexual piece because once that sexual piece has been satisfied and there's been no real substantial relationship built on the platform, poof, we go away. Men and women alike, women do it. Women don't as much. Now, I should say they do it rarely. Women tend to bond through physical sex because from what I understand, oxytocin is released in the body that makes you bond to a man. So this is where it's different from men because we don't bond through the sexual piece in relationship and a little bit later I'll explain how we actually bond in relationship. I hope I remember because I can be a little flighty at times. By the way, true confession. I have a bit of dyslexia. I oftentimes mix up words in my head. I mix up words when I'm reading. So I do struggle with sometimes. So sometimes they say something and I mean it the other way. I hope you cut me some slack on this. I'm just a human doing my best to articulate what's inside my head and sometimes it comes out the other way. Okay, coming back to the sex piece. I know many of you have experienced this. Now, there's another type of guy that comes on ridiculously strong, but poof, he's going to be gone as well. He's going to be gone for a different reason though. He's going to be gone for a different reason. And this is the guy who's needy, dependent, and clingy. I'm going to repeat that. The guy who's needy, dependent, clingy. He's constantly reaching out to you. He's constantly calling you, not from that sexual police, but basically because he put you up on a pedestal. Put you up on a pedestal. And for whatever reason in his mind, he's possibly most likely an insecure guy. I've done this. I've done this myself. I've been in a position where I put someone on a pedestal. I was ultra needy. This is when I was going through a lot of trauma after my divorce and emotional trauma after my divorce. And I was ridiculously needy for a period of time. Now, the reason why these guys are poof for God is because you're going to make them poof and go away because guys like that, clingy, needy, just smothering you is not someone you want to be with. And those are the two types of guys that come on strong and they're poof, they're God. The one that's either he's only been in it for the sex or the needy guy, which poof you're going to want to get rid of him. But now we're going to lean into the good type of guy that comes on strong that can potentially go the distance. And I got to be candid with you. I completely forgot what I was going to say before when I said I'll mention it later. Hopefully they'll come back to me. However, before we do really quickly today, I have an announcement for everyone. Today is my birthday, my birthday. At the time I'm shooting this. So folks, I've got a little oops. Here, look at this. If I can get this lit. Oh my gosh. I'm going to give myself a birthday wish. Can you guys guess what I'm going to wish for myself? I'm going to have a little bite. Frosting. I'm going to celebrate my birthday. My cup today. My birthday so apropos for a Leo. I make the world go around. What do you do? My t-shirt today, the self love club. So this guy comes this type of guy that comes on strong. I think is the good one because I recognize this in myself. And this is the guy who actually is excited about you is excited about you. And there's and the thing about the guy who's excited about you, he's not necessarily driven by the lust piece. And he's not put you up on a pedestal. He's in a little bit of state of infatuation because he might feel like he's found the one. And I know I've been in this position before myself. In fact, during the pandemic, or at least in the height of the pandemic, I met a woman. We had a what I thought was a really great first date. And I was really excited about her would text her, you know, be demonstrative, be effusive. And we had a second date. And I was doing the same thing. I was just excited. I don't believe I was smothering her. And I say this, because I asked her on a third date. And she said, No, she wasn't interested in me. And my suspicion was that while I was excited about her, she really wasn't in a place to be in relationship. So the reality is, is I do believe that when a person is excited, they're going to make lots of effort, which is great, you want that. Ideally, it's with someone who's also in a good space to make effort as well. In other words, they're not hung up in some past relationship, which ladies, I've had this happen before, I've liked a woman on the date and I find out she's still hung up on her past relationship, where she has unresolved issues. This happens to us men, just like it happens to you women. I've had women who have been gone through a lot of emotional trauma and they're just not in a space to be in a relationship. This has happened to me, the excited guy when I like someone. But ultimately, what I think is coming up here is a recognition that guess what, the dating process is a mess out there. There's no doubt about it. It's hard to figure all these out. There's so many different little nuances and I mean you use the term rules, but there's all these little things that you're constantly being told, do this when a man does that, do this when a guy does that, do this when a guy does that. Text this, say this, do this. It's so effing confusing that makes it so hard to actually just lean into what you want most. And that is I truly believe in our heart of hearts. It starts with self-love. It starts with self-love. When I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work, it was to get to a place that no matter what happens on the journey of finding a life partner, I look at it this way. I look at it as a journey of finding a life partner. No matter where you're at on the journey, you're going to fully accept that no matter what happens, everything is going to be okay. No matter what happens, you're going to be in a place of acceptance. This is why today I want to recommend everybody reading. This is my birthday request from you to check out this book called The Surrender Experiment, The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. And why I want you to check this out, because full acceptance allows us to appreciate every aspect of the journey, whether someone is right for us or not. I not too long ago was briefly in a, I did a woman a couple of times, I really liked, I asked her out on third date, and she was interested in somebody else. And for a moment there, I did the whole, you know, I didn't say this to her, but you're going to miss out, you know, you're, you know, you don't even know what you're missing, all that kind of stuff. And then, you know, I went through bargaining in my head, all that kind of stuff, like we go through in a grief period when someone, it feels like almost an absolute loss, not like the way I lost my son Connor, but so darn close to that. And we try to bargain and we hope and all that kind of stuff. Instead of reaching a place of acceptance, when I'm here to say folks, whether a man comes on strong, and it's for sexual desire, if a man comes on strong because he's needier, even the guy who comes on strong because he's excited, like I am oftentimes when I like someone. Ultimately, no matter where the relationship goes, no matter whether it lasts two dates, two years, you know, 20 years, whatever it is, ultimately, I'm at least my invitation for everyone is to accept themselves at where they're at in their life right now. And I don't mean to be okay with it, but not to beat yourself up because this dating process is a mess. There's no doubt about it. This is why I'm still single folks. And what I mean to say is I'm making effort just like you. I put myself out on the dating apps. I email women. They email me. We sometimes talk on the phone. Sometimes it progresses to maybe a zoom call or a FaceTime. Maybe it progresses to an actual date. And a lot of times there isn't physical attraction. That's one of the main challenges in dating today, because people put a poor representation of themselves out there. I think that's one of the things that makes it difficult. And then ultimately where people are at in their journey, a lot of people are emotionally messed up. It makes it very difficult to find someone who's stable. I know you can feel very frustrated. And folks, I felt that way many a times. Fall off the horse seven times, get up eight times, ultimately have a choice. If you want a life partner in your life, it's going to require making effort. And yes, you're going to go through the guys who come on strong. They're only interested in sex. And sometimes the guys who are needy. And maybe every once in a while you might meet a guy who's in the same place as you, or maybe you're not in the same place as him. This is just part of the journey. Ultimately my request of everyone is to enjoy their journey because just like my birthday, I wish I could remember what I was trying to think of before, but just like my birthday for every one of you, my hope is you join the self love club because no matter where it goes in any of these relationships, ultimately the best relationship you have is the relationship with yourself. And that's the relationship I'd like you to most focus on. All right, that's my birthday request and my wish for all of you. If you'd like to accept my birthday request or wish, please post a comment below. If you liked any aspect of this video, please let me know your thoughts on it. I do my best to read everything even if you post a question. All right, I think this will be a good place to wrap up today. I hope you found value. And again, if you did hit that like button, we're going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic job that I myself love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.