 Hey there, I'm Drew and you are listening to or watching and this week You really should be watching the anxious truth This is the podcast and YouTube channel that covers all things anxiety anxiety disorders and anxiety recovery So if you're struggling with things like panic attacks panic disorder or agoraphobia or health anxiety This is the place for you and I'm glad that you're here this week. We're starting a special series on the podcast I'm going to take you to one of the places that used to terrify me They used to induce all kinds of panic and high anxiety and while we're there We're going to talk about the idea that you don't always have to figure out why you panicked Deciphering a panic attack is not necessarily part of the recovery process So let's get to it and I will remind you before we do start if you're not watching this week You might want to do that So if you're not sure where I am on YouTube, just go to the anxious truth comm slash YouTube You will find my channel and you will find this episode. That's enough of that. Let's get into it now Hello everybody, welcome back to the anxious truth. This is podcast episode number two five one recording in March of 2022 I am Drew lince a lot a creator and host of the anxious truth If this is your first time here in the podcast or the YouTube channel Welcome, I hope you find this all helpful if you are a returning viewer or returning listener I'm glad you're here. Welcome back So this week We're gonna start a special series of podcasts that I kind of promised to my folks on Instagram Where I'm going to take you to places that I used to refuse to go when I was struggling with the worst of panic attacks anxiety Agoraphobia OCD all of the things I would hate to go to these places I'm gonna start to go to these places with you and I'm gonna record podcast episodes in those places We'll talk about what my experience was and what I do to get over it And we'll also talk about whatever the podcast topic is for that week But we're gonna do it in those places and today We're gonna start in a special place that you might not expect But it was a thing So today while we're in that special place and starting our first series We're gonna talk about the idea that you do not have to decipher a panic attack A lot of people want to figure out why they panic and they get sucked down the rabbit hole of trying to figure out What triggered it? What can they do next time to make sure it doesn't happen? What can they eat or drink differently? What can they do differently? What can they avoid? That's not really part of the process that we're talking about here and today We're gonna talk about why while I take you to that special formerly terrifying panic-inducing place that will probably surprise you So before we get started just a quick reminder that the anxious truth is way more than just this podcast episode There's 250 other podcast episode. I've written books about anxiety and anxiety recovery. There's all my social media content There's courses and workshops all the goodies are on my website at the anxious truth comm So when you get a chance go check it out and avail yourself of all the resources And if you dig this work, and I am helping you in some way all the ways to support it can be found on my website Also at the anxious truth comm slash support that includes maybe buying a mug or a t-shirt or buying my books Or maybe subscribing to my Instagram subscriber group whatever all the ways to do that can be found there That is always appreciated, but never required and no matter how you choose to support this work and this podcast Whether it's just hitting the like button on a YouTube video or leaving a podcast review. Thank you very much Appreciate your support. So let's get into today's topic. Why do you not have to figure out why you panicked? Why is that not really part of the recovery equation? And let's go to that first place that used to really terrify me and that I would panic when I went to So let's get to it and I will come back here to wrap it up at the end Okay, so here we go as promised. I am recording this podcast at the end of my driveway Why am I doing that because I promised that I would do a series of podcasts where I record from places that I used to be terrified to go This is one of them the end of my driveway The end of my driveway is maybe 40 feet from my front door at the most and I'll put some b-roll in here So you could see just how short a walk it is down the down the out my front door and down to the bottom of This driveway where I'm standing maybe two more steps that I'm actually in the road in the street and Back in the day when I was doing the heavy lifting of recovery and I was going through anti-depressant withdrawal So we are talking about well over 10 or 12 years ago And that's that period between like 2006 and 2009 when I was doing most of this work This was a really difficult place for me to be and I might come here to put the trash cans out or take the trash cans in I really didn't want to do that But that was my job So I had to do it or I would come to the mailbox to check for mail or put mail in the mailbox So the postman would pick it up and there were many many times when I came to the bottom of this driveway in full panic because I was afraid I was just afraid. It's a little bit embarrassing now I mean not embarrassing, but it is sobering to say that but I would be afraid to come to the end of my driveway 40 feet from my front door and I would come here with my legs shaking and I would feel like I couldn't breathe And I was doing that thing where like I'm trying to fill my lungs and I'm taking these giant heavy breaths And my legs would be shaking and my vision would be weird and it felt like the sort of world was spinning Or I was leaning to one side or the other and I just felt very unsteady and I was just afraid I was just really afraid And I would come down here and do what I had to do and then quickly run back up and Get back in the house and it would take me a while to recover from that So I had quite a few episodes of panic right here at the bottom of my driveway And if I'm going to be completely transparent and honest with you guys And I'm going to record podcast episodes from places I used to be afraid to go I have to start here because this was my reality for a while So the whole podcast episode won't be here at the bottom of just about talking about my driveway But I will tell you that there were many times when I would stand at my front door And I would wait and I would debate with myself and I would ham and ha and go back and forth and Try to get up the courage to walk out the door To come 40 steps to the end of this driveway and I'd already be kind of in a panic and knowing that if I walked out the door I would panic even more And especially if my job was to take out a trash can and that trash can was heavy because sometimes they are That would set me off even more because that meant that I would breathe a little heavier Or I might my heart would race a little more and back in those days I was not in as good a shape as I am right now I'm older but in better shape now than I was then Because people with panic disorder and agoraphobia tend to be kind of sedentary And I still had some weight on me for my antidepressant days So that would trigger me in a big way if I had to take out a heavy trash can or you know heavy garbage bag I would really not want to do it because I knew that that my heart would start to pound that I would didn't want that I was afraid of that So anyway, here I am starting this little series of places I used to be afraid of at the bottom of my driveway And just know that if you're struggling to get to the bottom of your driveway or get out into your backyard Or your garden or whatever you call it wherever you live I get you because I was you too and these were hard days So if you're struggling like I was then just maybe take a little bit of Heart in knowing that I used to struggle too But now I wouldn't think about the bottom of the driveway if I wasn't here recording for you It's a non thing and we're going to go on in this series and do way more stuff I'm going to go into the New York City with you. I'm going to go to airports with you We're going to go to the beaches or do all this stuff So it won't be every week, but stay tuned. I will sprinkle them in as logistics allow So let's get to the actual meat of today's podcast episode, which is the idea that you have to figure out Why did I panic? Why did that happen? So always remember that here we're dealing with anxiety disorders a distorted state of anxiety where Part of that definition is that you are anxious about being anxious You are afraid about being afraid you are panicking because you panic So in those situations, we're not talking about just like life is stressing me out And I'm not ever telling you to ignore your emotions or ignore your life If you're an abusive situation if you're in a you know, in a bad relationship or you're being manipulated or even harmed Or you're working for a crappy company and you hate it there Those things do matter like the source of your stress does matter in life But when we were talking about why did I panic and you are in a situation where you are just afraid of the panic And the panic becomes the source of the panic and that original stress is Contributing but not really the trigger anymore than digging for triggers and trying to figure out why it happened is not fruitful at all So if you're kind of new to this and maybe you're just sort of new to the podcast or new to my books or whatever it is That might be a strange concept for you because part of your Probably desperate attempt to stop your panic attacks or control them or keep them from happening Was probably to spend a lot of time to try to unearth your triggers and know what your triggers are I have to find my trigger so that I why do you have to find your triggers so you can avoid them Right and that isn't working out so well So a lot of people do spend a lot of time going down that rabbit hole Where they are attempting to identify every possible thing that triggers the state of panic and I was there I blamed everything everything food that I ate like the too many phone calls I blamed every possible thing I could think of and after a while I ran out of things To blame and I ran out of things to avoid So I always tell the story once of having a real uh a panic attack Maybe half hour after I had eaten Chinese food with my family and I didn't eat Chinese food again for like four years Probably longer because I was 100 convinced that it was the Chinese food that triggered that panic attack No, it was the 10 panic attacks before that that week that triggered the one that I thought was all about an egg roll So I was wrong So the the bottom line here in this particular podcast episode is you do not have to figure out why you panicked Again when you get out of this state where you're just always afraid of yourself where you're always worried about panic You're always scanning you're trying to control it They just keep happening and really the panic itself has become the problem for you once you get out of that state Then yes stress management trigger management taking care of yourself Not not subjecting yourself to you know abuse or or nastiness or negativity Yeah, those are all reasonable bits of life advice that most people would follow And I'm a big fan of stress management and things of that nature and taking care of yourself But right now we can't get stuck in why did I panic at all that's not fruitful at all Now wait a way here. There's the most I either hear it from people who are kind of new to this And they think that okay cool I'm going to get involved with this dude from new york who's On his driveway recording a podcast and we're going to identify my triggers and no you're not because we don't talk about it Right, we don't talk about that right here But most so you're going to have to sort of let go of that like I just said But so I hear it really most from people who are kind of down the road in recovery Where they're getting the job done and they're changing their relationship with fear And they're getting better at having panic attacks and they're losing the fear of the panic attacks So therefore they begin to have less panic attacks Which is I know where everybody wants to go and that is the happy secondary side effect of learning to be better at relating to panic and fear And maybe they're getting better and that's awesome because you start to realize like wow I don't panic as much as I used to or a man. I haven't had a panic attack I've had four panic free days for the first time in two years and that's an amazing day That's a day to celebrate for sure But then on day five you have a panic attack and most times people when especially the first time that happens to them They will immediately start going to but why I didn't have any for five days. I didn't have any for two weeks I didn't have any for two months and then I had a panic attack. Why what caused it? What was it? What was the trigger? What was I doing? What did I eat? Where was I? You can't go there. You can't go there. That won't help you at all So part of that idea that you have to then dig in and again try to figure out why you had a panic attack It's literally because you are still not terribly confident in that state that you are in trust me on this one People who begin to experience fewer and fewer panic attacks who feel less and less anxious Are often all over my facebook group and in my comment section Being anxious about not being anxious or wondering if it's going to last or not believing that it will last Like what if it comes back? What if this is fake? What if it all comes crashing down and I have a relapse? People who are recovering often worry that they are not actually going to recover and they worry about it all falling apart And they're always looking for the anxiety and they're still looking for the panic and then it comes and that's why it comes So that's okay. You don't have to dig in and start trying to figure out desperately Well, what caused my panic attack? What was my trigger? Why did it come back after so long? Well, it just did well mostly because you're still scanning and you're still afraid that it might come back So it does now if you're further down the road and you have an experience panic in a year and a half or two years And you do experience a panic attack or maybe it's been even longer There's still that thing where like I don't have to dig so much now I may be in a situation where I could say yeah, I'm not sleeping a whole lot. I'm not eating very well I'm stressed to the max like I I'm I can't take anymore I'm just bubbling over and yeah turn it to a panic attack Sometimes when we get to that recovered state we can identify that like oh, yeah life pushed me into a panic attack But that's okay because then you realize that and you think well It wasn't because something is wrong with me. It wasn't because I was going insane It wasn't because I was having a stroke or a heart attack I just got stressed to the max and it pushed me over the edge That's a good place to be but if you don't recognize that yet and you still find yourself drawn to What was the trigger? What did I eat? What was it? Is it something wrong with me like the old ways? That's where you have to remember my words right now So when you do have a panic attack after not having one for days or weeks or months or even a couple of years Try to remember my words Why did I have this panic attack? You're going to ask that because everybody just naturally does If you find yourself getting trapped on the hamster wheel of trying to figure it out Because you're afraid of the reason why you had a panic attack Then it's time to go back to the things that you learned that you were practicing that got you to where you were to begin with So go back to the things that had you panic free or not so anxious or having fewer panic attacks Don't get sucked in because it will try to pull you back in and it will try to make you ruminate and think and analyze and figure out It's going to do that recognize when it's happening and remember. Oh, that's right I just have to treat this like I used to treat panic attacks like they're not important It was scary. I didn't like it. I wish it didn't happen. I hope it doesn't happen again That's okay But I handled it and I'm going to have to do it the way I used to do it The things that got me to where I am now in recovery and I'm going to keep going And then one day if all goes to plan and all goes well You will wake up and maybe you will have a panic attack That you and you haven't had one for so long or you might have a particularly anxious day that you haven't had in a long time And you will be able to say I know why this happened Because my life my life is a mess right now or because I had a huge fight with my partner or because I just got laid off for my job Or because I'm having money problems or my kids are making me crazy or there's a big illness in the family Or I just suffered a huge loss. Maybe someone close to me has passed. You'll know you'll know That's what recovered people do. You'll know I had a panic attack because I got overwhelmed and that's okay I don't like it But it doesn't mean something is wrong with me and I don't have to be afraid of it And I can concentrate on the part of my life that sort of pushed me into that and I can deal with my grief or deal with my loss Or deal with my Financial problems or my career problems or my family problems or whatever it is You begin to know that the panic attack is just an expression of something happening outside of you And you stop trying to figure out what's going on inside of you That's when you know, you're done. That's when you know, you did it. You are recovered. Welcome. Congratulations So that's enough rambling on at the bottom of my silly driveway about why you do not have to figure out why you have panic attacks I know that for some people They don't like when I say that because it sounds like I'm invalidating their emotions or invalidating their experiences Your emotions matter and your experiences do matter But you have to recognize when you have become more afraid and more stressed by the panic itself Then anything that may have caused it in your life I'm not saying that those things don't matter anymore But recognize when you are afraid of being afraid recognize when you are catastrophizing about the panic recognize when you are You know finding meaning and panic that generally revolves around What's going to happen when you panic as opposed to what happened that maybe made me panic see the difference so Recognize when you're trapped there and remember I don't right now. I don't have to know why I panicked right now Maybe one day when I'm in a better place I can have a little bit more of a healthy normal productive relationship with that And I could look at that and I could do something about it. That's actually just good life management or good stress management But for now, I do not have to worry about why I panicked. I only have to know that I did I didn't like it. I prefer that it not happen again But once again, it didn't take me down and I can handle that. That's where you want to maintain your focus if at all possible So that's it. I hope you enjoyed me recording at the bottom of my silly driveway I hope you got something out of my driveway story the next time we do this I don't know where I'm going to go, but I will bring you along for that too I have a couple of ideas, but I'll just sort of let it unfold while I can I will pop back into the studio, which is just my office and I'll wrap this up the way I usually do And uh, yeah, thanks for listening. I'll see you in a minute Okay, we're back in the studio like I said, which is really just my office where I always am And I was really only about 35 or 40 feet in a straight line that way in recording this podcast episode It was a little unorthodox and it got a little bit uncomfortable a couple of times because I could see a couple of my neighbors Were out and sort of looking like what's that guy doing, but that's all right. We can handle a little discomfort, right? So I hopefully we have shed some light on the idea that you do not have to figure out why you panicked And in fact digging in to try to figure that out often things make makes things worse than they already are So if you're getting sucked down that rabbit hole, just remember my words from today back away from that I promise you'll be happy that you did that So that is it. That is episode 251 of the anxious truth in the books. We know it is over because The music which is as always after glow by my friend ben drake You can find more about ben and his music including this song at his website Which is ben drake music calm go check it out And I will ask you if you are listening to this podcast on spotify or apple podcast There's some place that you can leave a review or leave a rating Leave a five star rating and maybe take a second and write a review of the podcast because that helps more people find the podcast And we want to help as many many people as we can if you're watching on youtube Be sure to subscribe to the channel hit the like button on this video and maybe hit the notification icon So that you know when I upload new content Leave a comment I circle back to my youtube at least twice a week to answer comments Love you guys over there and that's it. Hopefully this has been a helpful episode I hope you enjoyed my little trip down memory lane to a place that used to be so hard for me to go We're gonna do it again. Maybe not next week, but we will I will be back next week with another podcast episode. Don't know what i'm talking about Don't know where i'm gonna be But I will be here and remember every step forward is a good step forward no matter how small it is See you next week