 I remember people asking me when I was younger, are you a girl or a boy? And wanting to say, neither. Or wanting to say, both. You know, if you are genderqueer, if you're non-binary, if you're transgender, you're a freak. Growing up, that message was definitely something I heard every day. And I learned that if I wanted to get along or if I wanted to pass, I had to dress like a girl, even though I didn't feel like a girl. I remember googling, are you an alcoholic? And not thinking, people who drink normally don't wonder that? That's not a normal people question. I liked drinking and I liked using because it was like, all of a sudden, all of the anxiety and the discomfort I felt in my body and my shame, all of it, my circumstances, my surroundings, all of it was gone. I struggled from between 18 and 23. I really, really struggled. At that point, I was using speed every day and cocaine when I could get it and opioids when I could get them. I finally stopped drinking in 2007, a couple of months after my 23rd birthday. I've just, it's been an adventure, truly an adventure. I have found in myself resources and creativity and passion that I didn't think were in there at all. I'm finally discovering who I am and all I had to do was not drink and use and also be open to changing a lot of things about myself. For me, that means understanding that my gender is not what I thought it was. This is who I am. I heard every day that there was something wrong with me and I believed it and I used alcohol to medicate my pain. When I look at myself now, I see not only someone who has survived, but I see a success.