 Your coca-cola bottler presents, Claudia, based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken. Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola. Relax and while you're listening, refresh yourself. Have a Coke. And now, Claudia. If a body meets a body, you need a body cry. Oh, how'd I ever get into this? What's the matter? You tired already? Mama, I didn't see you. That was a heart-breaking groan you just laid out. That was no groan. That was my singing. My mistake. It sounded much like a groan. Now, Mama, why would I be groaning? I just thought you might be tired of painting the porch furniture. Would you like to do it? No, thank you very much. Because if you would, Mama, I'll lend you my paintbrush. For a while. Then you are tired. I am not. I am merely being sacrificial. I see. Why should I be tired? I merely painted two chairs. I must say they look pretty good, too, if I do say it myself. And I painted the under part, too, Mama. So you have the glider and two chairs and three tables left to do. Oh, dear. Is it that much? When you're painted longer, it'll seem like even more. It's fun, though. You ought to try it, Mama. Not a chance in the world. It's chilly out here on the porch, and David will be home soon. Not too soon for me. Oh, golly, I got them in my hair. It'll be too soon if you're still in blue jeans and sticky with white paint up to your elbow. Oh, David's not as fussy as you. Fortunately for you. Now, Mama, the furniture will look just like new when it's finished, won't it? If it's ever finished. Well, why shouldn't it be? You've an awful lot left to do, and your arm's tired already. Mama, stop saying that. Haven't you ever heard of the power of suggestion? All right, then. Your arm isn't tired. It's just limp a little. You're having a wonderful time making fun of me, aren't you? Superb. Well, then, in case you're interested, there is nothing as much fun as slopping around with a big paintbrush, and you're jealous. Have it your way. Lovely paint, isn't it? Oh, I should have worn gloves. Well, too late now. Oh, back to work. Time is a fleeting. Times are fleeted. Spring's gone, and I don't think you'll realize it, Mrs. Norton. I realize it. In that case, most civilized people paint their porch furniture in the spring. So? The reason for that being that it is in the spring that porch furniture is taken out of the barn where it has spent the winter and is once again placed on the porch. So? So that it might be fresh and give the appearance of being new, porch furniture is painted in the spring. Do I make myself clear? Yes, perfectly. What's the difference whether it's painted in the spring or not? Claudia, think. It's just what I've been explaining to you. Oh, I think furniture should just be painted when it needs to be painted. No. Right now, it needs to be painted. So that's that. But Claudia, buy spring. But nobody's going to use it all winter. Mama's going to be stored in the barn. I assure you the cow and the pig won't be the least bit interested in it. Have it your way. I am. And think, Mama, when spring comes, the porch furniture will be all ready for it. It'll come out like the daffodils. No fuss, all sparkling. You hope sparkling. Well, I don't see why it shouldn't be. All it's going to do is sit around between now and then. Oh, gee, I wish it were spring now. Because then the furniture will be all painted. Spring's nice for other reasons, too. Last year, I was having the baby. Wonder what I'll be doing this year? Taking the porch furniture out of the barn, all sparkling and painted. So get back to work. I am working. A person can just go so fast. Be careful, Claudia. You're a spattering paint all over. Oh, God. That's what I put the newspaper down for. Yes, but your aim's so good you managed to hit the floor in spite of it. Mama, you know you're getting more like David every day. David's not a bad person to emulate. The only trouble is you are emulating the part of him that says he does everything better than I. I could paint that chair better than you. Prove it. Just prove it. Well, now you leave unnecessary brush marks. Where? Where? Show me. There. There. On the arm. There. Those aren't brush marks. What are they? Well, the paint's too thick. So they are brush marks. What have you got against a few little brush marks? Give me that brush. So you think you'll show me a thing or two, Mama? I might. I used to be quite a good hand at painting myself. Right. Go ahead. Out. Out. Oh, my gosh. My legs are stiff. Ouch. You know, when we first married your father and I painted all our furniture, we thought we'd save money buying the unfinished kind, and we ended up with dozens of unused cans and enormous paint. But I kept the furniture until we had fun. A large dose of it. And it had to last. You didn't, Mama? I did. Now, see, Claudia, no brush marks. Are you really an expert, Mama? The trick is to go over the same spot twice, the second time more heavily than then. I'll tell you what, Mama. Listen, since you're so talented and since I'm all smudged up with paint, I'll do what you said. I'll go upstairs and I'll wash myself up with turpentine before David comes. Well, Claudia, come back here. Yeah, you go right on painting, Mama. And if you're not finished before I come down, I'll help you. If you think for one moment that's a million, Mrs. Brown. Heaven knows why. Thank you for letting you do something you've been dying to do. Claudia. Goodbye, Mama. Have fun. I'll get even with you for this painting furniture fall. Never heard of such a thing. Claudia! Claudia! Claudia! Just went upstairs, David. That's a great thing to do. A man comes home and his wife disappears. Just one little old mother-in-law left to greet you. I didn't hear your car pull in. Hello, David. Pull in all right with me aboard. Good heaven. Little old mother-in-law, what on earth are you doing? What does it look as if I'm doing? Painting. Well, that's what I am doing. My own mother-in-law whom I've always respected, whom I have looked to for advice and comfort, whom I have admired since I first set eyes on her daughter, my own mother-in-law and she's doing nothing but painting the porch furniture. And what is so terrible about painting the porch furniture? Well, it's not a crime, but who paints porch furniture in the fall? I do. Is this one of Claudia's wild schemes? I don't see what's so wild about it, David. But Mrs. Brown, let me explain. Nobody paints porch furniture in the fall. Everybody paints it in the spring when it's about to be used again. That's sensible. Then it's nice and fresh and sparkly. I think porch furniture has to be painted when it needs to be painted. Couldn't it wait until spring? Why should it? I suppose it has to wait until spring, but it seems a lot more sensible to me. Going to get all dirty in the barn all winter. You know that, don't you? The cow's not going to use it, is she? Yeah. This sounds suspiciously like Claudia's idea. There, fill up the nail holes there. Yeah. All right. Aren't you freezing out here on the porch? Well, it's a little windy, but painting is a very active business and I'm warm. Oh. Of course, every now and then the wind blows a leaf into the paint, but other than that we're doing fine. Why don't you paint it leaf-colored? I'll have it your own way. Did Claudia help? Of course she did. Those two chairs did a rather good job at that. Oh, dear, I can get under this one without getting paint on my nose. I hope you don't mind my just standing around and watching. Of course not, David. Thank you. There is nothing that is such fun as squishing around in a bucket of paint. Really? Unless it's watching someone else squish around in a bucket of paint. Careful of the brush marks, right there, ma. What brush marks? Right there. Is the paint too thick? Oh, could be. Yeah. Pour a little more turpentine in. Oh, that's a good idea. There you go. Oh, my hand is getting stiff. It is pretty chilly out here. You forgot that little spot under the arm right there. Oh, yes. Yes, I'll get it now. There, there. All right. How long is it going to take this paint to dry? Oh, dry by tomorrow morning. Yeah. Never get Fritz to store it away in the barn. Then when spring comes it will be so simple. Well, just as long as it doesn't get moldy, you forgot the inside of that slat. Oh, yes. Yeah. I really think this brush is a little too large for this. You know, Claudia, the bigger the better. I used to love to paint when young. You make that sound as if it were a hundred years ago. When young, I often thought it would be nice and satisfactory to be a house painter. And Hitler came along and I changed my mind about house painting. I'll have to rest a moment. I'll have to rest a moment. I guess I'm not in condition for this kind of activity. Hand me the brush, Mother, and I'll help you out with a few strokes. Don't get your suits partied, David. No, I won't. I happen to know how. How? Dip the brush, squeeze off the excess paint, and a smooth, long stroke. I don't think this furniture will need two coats, do you? Why should it? It's practically new. There's a stick of wood to mix the paint with, David. It settles rather quickly. No cabitzing from you, Mrs. Brown. I once painted the whole side of a house by myself when I was nine years old. Side of a house of nine. A chicken house. Well, David, since you're so talented and it's rather chilly out here on the porch, I think I'll go and wash up for dinner. Hey, wait a minute. I was just going to help you out with a few strokes. That's all right, David. I don't mind. You do it at home. Hey, now, Mama. Well, la, la, la. Hey, Mama. Mama. Time to finish and then wash up. Hey, Mother, now come back here. You can't go off and leave me holding the brush. A man comes home from a long day at the office and the first thing you know, he's got... Hey, Mother. What are you shouting about? Shouting? Who's shouting? You must be hearing things. How are you hearing? Don't come too close. You'll get paint all over. Oh, well, I don't mind a little paint. Well, for heaven's sakes, darling, what are you doing sitting out here on the porch painting the furniture? Just as you said, I'm sitting out here on the porch painting the furniture. Well, what on earth are you doing that for, David? Because it needs painting. Well, yes, it does, obviously. But, darling, who ever heard of painting porch furniture in November? Well, whoever heard of not. Well, what I mean is that most people paint porch furniture in the spring, just before it's going to be used again. Well, that's silly. That's just plain silly. Just because that's the way most people do it doesn't mean it's right. Oh, it doesn't. Of course not. Oh. Paint it down the fall. And then when the spring comes, it's all ready for use. I see. No whips, no hands or butts about it. It's all ready. It's sparkling and it's painted. Well, there's some truth in what you say. I say that porch furniture should be painted when it needs painting. Well, I'm sorry, darling. I just can't agree with you, David. It just won't look the same as if you painted it now instead of in the spring. What? Well, I think it's perfectly ridiculous. I think you should have waited. I should have waited. I think you should have exercised some self-control and waited until April. After all, darling, if winter is here, can spring be far behind? Are you standing there telling me that I should have waited to paint this? I certainly am. I'm definitely telling you. Well, I'll be gall-danged. I'll just be gall-danged. And now, David, darling, now this is no reason to get angry with me. I'm just giving you my personal opinion. I think it's foolish nonsense to paint furniture before storing it. But if you insist, it's up to you, dear. Well, I'll be gall-danged. Some programs you can get with half an ear as you dust and make beds and putter about the house. Others seem to deserve your whole attention. If you listen to either, it's pleasant to have a bottle of ice-cold coke nearby. Or a delicious sparkling Coca-Cola helps you listen refreshed. Say, Joe, if you're not busy, you can do me a great favor. Well, I really haven't much time, David. What is this favor that you're interested in? Well, now, just what do you think it is? The porch furniture. It's an awful lot of furniture to paint. And to tell you the truth, I'm getting hungry. That's all right, David. Claudia will give you a bone before you're finished. Well, I got stuck with this job of painting the furniture. I don't know. Don't you, David? That's one of those things. I certainly hope that Claudia appreciates it. Claudia appreciates it. She appreciates you, too, boy. Well, I don't know. When I get stuck with a job like this, I often wonder, well, I guess I'd better get back to work. Well, David, don't be disheartened. Wait until tomorrow. Then you'll find out just how much Claudia appreciates you. Well, get back to that paintbrush. I'm getting. Every day, Monday through Friday, Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola. So listen again tomorrow at the same time. And now this is Joe King saying au revoir. And remember, whoever you are, whatever you do, wherever you may be, when you think of refreshment, think of Coca-Cola. For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes. And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere. This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney. And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola.