 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they've Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic We're gonna talk about narcissistic men But really quickly before we do if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit that subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new content or new videos I should say and at any time during this video if the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms All right really quickly my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart Cajun I use expletives to enhance the sentence and if that's if f-bombs are not your cup of tea I highly suggest logging off right now Lastly, these are just my opinions and my perceptions by no means. This is the truth This is just my Perceptions when it comes to dating mating relating you have to take things in for yourself to decide if this resonates with you All right, let's talk about narcissistic men because I'm gonna share with you as a man I hear this habitually from women constant references to Narcissistic men out there in the dating mating or relating realm and I do believe that After witnessing so much of this I believe it actually creates harm and I want to talk about that now Let me just say this I am in no way Diminishing anyone's experience if they've ever been in a toxic relationship Certainly a verbally toxic relationship one a relationship where someone has completely lost their power I am not diminishing what happened in that experience whatsoever if it was attributed by the person that they were in relationship I'm gonna repeat that if it was attributed to the person that they were in relationship I am in no way Diminishing that experience however, I see a habitual use of the term Narcissist that particularly with men in I'm just gonna repeat the word particular although. I do have a habit of repeating words I think it's because I'm a bit dyslexic and what's in my head doesn't come out the mouth properly and Yet I do see this habitual use of the term narcissist with women with respects to men Okay, and and and I understand why it might seem that way because I've observed that both men and women alike in the dating mating or relating realm are actually quite or dating quite selfishly I repeat that they're dating quite selfishly and what I mean to say is they're more focused on their Their own needs wants and desires. I'm gonna repeat that they're focused on their own needs wants and desires There's this belief that you know humans are just so altruistic that they're gonna care about Everybody else's needs in the relationship and that's not true Humans actually show up caring more about their own needs than their partner's needs now What's interesting for women in particular as they oftentimes as I said earlier They give their power away to men They give their power away to men and by giving your power away to a man You're literally saying you are in control of my life I'm gonna trust that you're gonna be in control of my life and if things don't go the way I planned I'm gonna blame you for everything that went wrong in the relationship. I'm gonna repeat that I'm gonna blame you for everything went wrong in the relationship and then I'm going to label you a narcissist Repeat that I'm gonna label you a narcissist because I gave you my power I said you're in charge of my relationship destiny and when things don't go my way I'm gonna blame you now. I see this habitually now whether that feels true for you or not This is what I'm noticing out in the dating mating or relating realm And so I'm here to call bullshit on that now. I understand that many of you have been in relationship with men who get Defensive I understand you've been in relationship with men who turn things around also known as gaslighting And I also recognize you've been in relationship with men who lack empathy have real empathy And you've been in relationship with men who do not take ownership when something goes wrong in the relationship Repeat that. I understand you've been with men who get defensive. I understand you've been with men who turn things around called gaslighting I understand you've been in relationship with men who lack empathy and so and when I'm here to say is yes That's true, but and also women can do the exact same things Repeat that women can do the exact same things not take ownership on their part So this isn't singular to men the only difference that I notice is because I'm gonna it sounds like I'm repeating myself But because a woman might oftentimes give their power a way to a man if it doesn't go the way they want They're these men are labeled as narcissists, and I want to stop this narrative because Again, I'm not diminishing any wounding a person has had by being in a true relationship with a narcissist I get it and I'm in a full agreement and full force or Encouragement that people stand into their power that they stand into their self-worth their self-esteem Self-confidence and not give up their power to another human being. This is why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, there's a link below if you'd like to get a copy of my book and why I'm here to talk about this today It's because I'm I I think by continually talking about past Experiences that were negative. They're actually going to affect your future Relationships, I'm gonna repeat that they're going to affect your future Relationships and let me give you an example of this. So a couple years back Oh going going back like five years ago I briefly dated a woman for about six weeks and I'll never forget our first date We're talking with one another and I go what happened in your marriage and she said oh, I was married to a narcissist I'm like, okay Then our second date. I'm like so tell me about your other past relationship What happened to them and one by one six men were all Narcissist now I was thinking to myself. Okay, I'm not a narcissist I'll be her hero, you know, because I don't have the traits that she was Describing about the men she was with and sure enough we dated for six weeks and I realized about four weeks And I'm like, you know, we're not really that well aligned and then the fifth week I'm going we're really not a good fit for one another and by the sixth week I ended the relationship and just we weren't a good fit for one another for whatever reason Beside the fact that we had chemistry So sure enough two days later. I see on her Facebook post up I broke up with another narcissist and then it dawned on me. Wait a minute She took no ownership for her fault in the relationship. She took no ownership It was all pointing the finger at me and took no ownership on her part Folks we human beings especially here in the United States act very Entitled I repeat that we act very entitled in fact I think Elizabeth Gilbert said the woman who wrote eat pray love said the American data is one of the most Narcissistic daters on the planet. They expect everybody else to be perfect and yet they don't have to show up perfect And let me tell you narcissism or that selfish because what really I want to lean into Very small percentage of the population are true Clinical narcissists. I'm gonna repeat that a very small percentage of the population are true clinical narcissists That's why statistically speaking that woman. I spoke to had six narcissists in her life Statistically that's almost an impossibility from a clinical perspective now I will say most humans are ridiculously selfish. Yes humans can be ridiculously selfish In fact, let me just share with you a couple things that's happened in my life The other day I had a woman call me on a Sunday Called my business line and it got transferred to my personal cell phone And it was a Sunday I was on my way to go see my son and I just happen to answer my business line because I thought it was something Maybe important and this woman gets on and says hi Jonathan blah blah blah and she just starts talking to me and wanting advice And she was just rattling all her problems with me and wanting advice and I thought to myself Wow, how very selfish she just called me to want to ask advice from me not this wasn't a two-lane street It was like I expect you to give me advice on a Sunday. I don't care that you're on your way to go visit your son I don't care what you're doing. I want my needs met and by the way, I get this all the time folks I get email after email after email from people writing me on my Instagram and my Facebook and things all wanting something from me and Not even willing to do the exchange of how my business works. There is a fair exchange of saying hey I'm going to hire you. I'm going to give you money and I want your advice in return So these are women reaching out to me Not thinking that they're being selfish and I'm just giving you one example of how humans are selfish We're all kind of selfish sometimes I go through a four-way stoplight and I didn't do the proper thing I'm being in my selfish mode. I'm being in my myopic mode. I want to talk about myopic in a second By the way, my my my coffee mug says let that shit go and the t-shirt says humankind be both Here's the thing most humans are rather myopic myopic means tunnel vision We oftentimes only focus on it from our perspective and not seeing the bigger picture or not seeing it from the eyes of Someone else's perspective and let me give you a perfect example of this. I Would say 97% of the time when I'm talking to a woman in the dating realm asking about her past relationships What went wrong? 97% of the time all the women point the finger at the guy. It was his fault. It was his fault It was his fault not recognizing that there's three fingers pointing back One of the fundamentals of emotional maturity is you take ownership in your part of why you are in something Like a relationship and not pointing the finger at the other person So even that is a myopic selfish thing and yet it gets labeled at narcissism by the way Women rarely get labeled as narcissists. It's always typically the men men men men are the narcissistic ones I'm here to say selfish behavior myopic behavior is not singular to men women can be equally Entitled selfish myopic and this is why I want this narrative to stop this abuse and this over abuse of the term Narcissist over and over again from a dating mating relay realm all that's going to do by the way I just want you to think about this if all you do is say narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist Narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissism what's going to happen? You're going to attract Narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist are going to come your way Actually, these aren't even narcissists You're just basically going to look at someone else's myopic selfish behavior and point the finger at them Folks I want to help I want to stop this narrative There's no need to look at a past relationship and I mean again. I am all for healing I'm all for healing everybody. You all know that I continually talk about healing I talk about reading the Hoffman process the Hoffman process so you can heal from childhood wounds and traumas True emotional maturity is taking ownership to what went wrong in the relationship from your point of view Let me refrain that from your actions and not pointing the finger at someone else if everybody said, you know what? And by the way, for example in my marriage, I was unconscious. I was a child I was very Very selfish in myopic in my life and I take ownership in that part and to whatever extent my ex-wife takes her own Ownership that's not on me, but I'm here to say folks when we stop pointing the finger and Stop the narrative of constantly talking about men as Narcissist what's going to happen is you're going to open the floodgates for hopefully a more emotionally mature men What if ladies you began saying it's raining emotionally available men? It's raining emotionally available men. It's raining emotionally available men. Are you going to attract more emotionally available men? Or are you going to attract narcissists by saying I only date I only seem to date narcissists I only seem to date narcissists. I only seem to date narcissists That's my invitation for you. You've got to decide What narrative do you want to speak in your life when it comes to men? Is it raining emotionally available men or are you going to be focused on the past and and Including the label you gave of men in the past All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going with this. So that's my rant for today. It's a Sunday I decided at the last minute to do this I was going to do it on my balcony But the lighting was just not appropriate because if you weren't going to be able to see me So I thought I'm just going to do a quick Live for you all I'm going to take time to answer some questions right now So those who know my regular routine if you have a question to ask post the word question then write a question thereafter Or you can purchase a super sticker or super chat all the monies from super stickers super chats Go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley That's a picture of him right there those who know my son passed away a few years ago So the scholarship fund is in his name in his name to defray the cost of personal development for those in need so I'm going to put on my trusty glasses now and made we'll talk about narcissists quite a bit more I see the live chat has been going pretty good here. So let's hear what is being said again If you have a question for me post the word question the right a question thereafter I want to thank Lisa who's here in Sherry and Egyptian game card and Robin and Lisa and Angie and Gina All right, Lisa says own your shit. I love that Alexandra says I just received your book today. What the heck a self-love anyway, and I'm fairly new to your channel Thank you for your content. Thank you Alexandra Carrie says my parents are narcissists I turn married and many years later divorced one then kept getting into relationship with that type finally did inner work Healed and now have epic love Here's the thing. I appreciate what you share it share a carry But it's interesting It'll be interesting to see if you continually talk about your parents and your past Relationships as narcissists or maybe you just say hey, you know what I had a Troubling relationship with my parents I had some struggles in relationship with other men. I take ownership in my part now I'm just offering that as a suggestion because again folks the whole topic here is if you if we continually Repeat the word narcissists not to suggest that she did you did Carrie You're going to attract more of that in your life, and that's what I want to help people avoid Let's stop using the narrative of narcissists and just say hey I had some experiences that didn't go my way, and I'm optimistic and hopeful for the future and again Carrie I'm I appreciate your share very much, and I hope that's the narrative. You start sharing in the future at least That's my hope anyway Sherry says I own my shit in the past there you go We all like to point this crap out to each other, but we are projecting when we do this exactly K says is it possible that he's just an asshole? Yes men and women alike can be assholes It could simply be that Most I think most human beings are good people I think most human beings are good people I think as I said before they're very myopic very selfish in their own bubble not aware that a healthy happy Relationship is a two-lane street in the dating realm This is the challenge that most people have is they don't understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship This is why I continually recommend the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman So you recognize the value at looking at a relationship like a two-lane street? We oftentimes focus on what's wrong instead of how to do it better This is why I'm such a big proponent to be more intentional in the dating process instead of being cavalier It's one of the reasons why I set up my private coaching to help you vet for emotional maturity How to ask better questions in the early stage of dating and if you want that kind of support? Then check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you Because if you want to avoid the wrong people it starts by asking better questions Right from the get-go once you show up to the table pulling loving on yourself All right, let's see what else we have These also said it's that negative talk what you want to attract. Yes, again, I agree Mary Ann says I think we need to blame the field of psychiatry and psychology those professional put the labels on others for money Um, I don't know about that. I mean again, I don't believe there's any need to blame I mean, we can certainly say that they've attributed to this but let me just say this You know, we're all grown adults. We can take something. We hear it But do we have to repeat it over and over and over again? So you become attract more and more and more of it because this is backfiring folks This is backfiring a lot of women and that's why I wanted to talk about this today All right Robin says healing sets you free exactly If you have a question post the word question look at Lisa says here. Yes, it's raining good men Rob Lisa says yes Robin listen to Jonathan. Thank you all so much Sherry says ladies know your worth Exactly know your worth and when you love on yourself No person can hurt you unless you have to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman No person can hurt you but pointing the finger at someone else for the ending of your relationship is going to backfire on you Unless you take ownership to your part of why this relationship didn't work out and that's just my two cents there All right, if you have a question post the word question bump bump bump bump bump Pamela says Also, what's the difference to make it if we use a label? He's a narcissist Okay, but how does that remove the pain of the relationship? You're still unhappy no matter what you call them Pamela great question So here's the thing what removes the pain is taking ownership on your part of why you either chose this Relationship why you stayed in the relationship why you chose that man Focus on what on you rather than the other person. This is again how women give their power away They're hyper focused on the guy and not taking ownership on their own part in the relationship And until you take ownership you're going it again It does make a difference. It makes a huge difference Emotionally mature people take ownership on their part of the relationship and emotionally immature people point the finger and this is why I say 97% of the male and female population and did you hear me? I said female population are emotionally immature Because they point the finger and don't take ownership on their part. That's just my two cents on that All right Pamela, thank you so much Sadie writes question Jonathan. What are the most important things that men look for in a woman? well Super official men look for is she friendly is she fit is she cooperative can she be submissive those what Emotionally immature men are looking for emotionally Mature men are looking for women who are aligned to who they are and what they want and they Operate from a place of emotional maturity and emotional maturity is your actions match your words You take personal responsibility for your choices you have victor consciousness not victim consciousness Number three, you know how to fight fair Which means if if you are if you're in a disagreement with your partner You listen to your partner's point of view and accept your partner's point of view is being true for them And they listen to you and they accept your point of view is being true for you. You know how to fight fair Number four empathy and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy is I care about your feelings and I care about My own feelings too from a place of self-love. We have to put the oxygen mask on self first Before we can help others and number five is transparency if it's material to the relationship that it's important to speak up to it And so when emotionally mature people come together When an emotionally mature man knows he wants a partner in his life, then he's looking at it from the perspective of Do we share the same values are our lifestyles blendable is she emotionally mature and lastly? Do we have chemistry for one another? I'm repeat that do we have chemistry for one another so those who know me know my relationship iceberg my relationship iceberg I'm gonna put it on the screen here If you can see it above the water line It says attraction and the tip of the iceberg is chemistry below the water is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and as you start checking the boxes the water line starts to drop of Attraction because you find yourself more compatible with this partner and when you're truly Compatible with an emotionally mature person whose lifestyle can blend with yours and you have shared values You no longer have an iceberg you have a mountain and when you hear the phrase men will move mountains It's because you both have chemistry shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and that's what's going that's what Emotionally mature men are looking for when they're looking for a partner Sadie. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right Let's keep swimming if you have a question post the word question or purchase a super sticker If I'm making a difference right now he hit that like button and purchase a super sticker or super chat I'd be very appreciative. Is that narcissistic? Lisa says the blame game is a waste of time. Yes Here in United States. We are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself We are suckling on the nipple of giving our power away to other human beings and then wondering why we're miserable in our life People are suckling on this and it's time to stop this narrative That's why I'm calling out men are not narcissists. It's backfiring on you. Yes I do not want to ever diminish someone's Experience where they've given their power away to another human being and how hurtful that can feel At the end of the day, we only have ourselves to blame when we give our power away to someone else I have put women up on pedestals I've done it myself. I've given my power away I've become needy and very and then I became a martyr because I gave gave gave to the Relationship and she didn't meet me where I was at well first off I put her up on a pedestal and we were misaligned to who we are I all I did was talk about how great I was instead of you know looking at it from her perspective and Almost even calling her a narcissist and then wondering why am why was I struggling in relationship? I have to take ownership in my part and that's my invitation for all of you as well All right, no more blame is where I was going with that Sherry says yell it out Jonathan. Thank you Jennifer says be the hero of your life not the victim Lisa says we treat peep. We teach people how to treat us exactly Lisa says the martyrs are the pits exactly Harry says some men are narcissists and some women are narcissists, too. I Think most humans can be selfish and myopic and then again clinically speaking a small percentage are true clinical narcissist Lou says are you saying that we create our own narcissists believe me they do exist I do not discount that listen. I'm not discounting that narcissistic exist. I'm not discount, but here's the thing Getting defensive. That's not a narcissist of behavior. That's a human thing gaslighting meaning turning things around Humans continually do this when they don't take ownership for their part True narcissists are people who lack almost no empathy and have an inability to apologize Let me repeat that but then again a lot of people have an inability to apologize who are not narcissists So a lot of the behaviors are not necessarily Absolute narcissism. Okay, and by the way, if you're in a relationship with the narcissist What does it say about you that you're choosing that relationship? And by the way, many of you who have studied about dating the narcissist one of the things that says about narcissists that the studies say is Narcissist choose weak people then what does it say about oneself if? Narcissist choose weak people and you've fallen for a narcissist then what's the reflection of you and I'm not and listen. I'm not I let me be clear about something Again, if you have to talk call a doctor an attorney or policeman I want you to call those people and get out of this circumstance and and I want everyone to take ownership on their part Through healthy self-love so you don't find yourself in a trap of these people and Again just like that woman. I shared about before six men She dated with narcissist and when I ended she posted on social media. I was a narcissist makes me really wonder How many people did she really date that were narcissists or how many people was she hurt by? Because she gave her power away to a man and then labeled him a narcissist. That's what I'm really addressing here today How many times do we label someone something when they're not really that? That's what I'm leaning into more so today. Thank you so much All right, Sadie says Question I was chatting to a guy on a dating site and on the phone after two weeks He said we're not right for each other four months later. He messaged me again. What is your advice? Just you don't have to say do you don't have to respond to him If you don't want to and if you do want to engage in conversation But it's not unlike by the way the minute men and women make a connection with one another. It's very common That they stay a little bit connected through some sort of electronic tether if you will I Call it an electronic tether because it's through technology that this is happening But what it doesn't you know, I guess the real question is Sadie, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? Do you want to engage with them then engage with them? If you don't want to engage with them, don't engage with them. You don't need my advice on that one All he simply said is he didn't think we're a fit and he reached out later Maybe he changed his mind, but then again you have to decide is this someone you want to invest time in? That's on you. That's my suggestion. Anyway, thank you so much for that question TV says we each have all states of human within us it's what you choose to feed on focus and reflect and express Bump bump bump bump bump you said it so well That's why I'm doing this video today because I'm tired of Witnessing women all they talk about is Narcissist and guess what you're going to attract more and more or because all of it, by the way, it doesn't mean you're actually attracting narcissists, it's just that's the lens you're looking at. When you look at it from a different lens, from a lens of humanity, human kind be both, you have a greater chance for success and that's what I'm suggesting to every one of you. All right, Bella says, Jonathan, you're right. Some empaths are just as manipulative if it's narcissists can be. Again, empathy isn't necessarily, I feel your feelings, empathy is I care about your feelings and I care about my own feelings. So a lot of people that claim that they're empathists, God, I'm tongue-tied now, but I know you know what I'm talking about. Oftentimes I think even when you say it out loud, that's narcissistic behavior, that's saying I'm better than someone. A lot of times people that say that are acting like they're better than other people, that's another form of narcissist. I mean, we can so throw labels into selfish, myopic narcissists or we can just say this folks, human beings are riddled with flaws good and bad. Human beings are riddled with flaws good and bad. Let's just focus on our own stuff instead of pointing the finger at someone else. Let's own our own shit. That's what I'm really getting into here today and that's my invitation for everyone. All right, we're gonna wrap up in a moment here. I'm gonna take one or two more questions. This was just a last minute, have fun. Tracy says, it takes a big person to say I'm sorry and that I was wrong, but when you can do it, learn from those mistakes and not try to repeat them. None of us are perfect, own it, learn from it. Yes, yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Thank you so much. I am the price as bullshitting a woman into sex and then dumping the woman is narcissistic. No, it's not, you can't see, here's an example. That's not narcissistic. First off, if a woman can be bullshitting and sex, what does that say about the woman? I'm sorry, I gotta call this out. This is an example of what I don't like folks. And by the way, men are the gas, women are the brakes. Ladies, what do men think about all day long? They think about jumping in your pants. We do love bombing. We say everything under the sun. You know this about us. So, and then you blame us when it doesn't go your way. You blame us when we have sex and we go, this isn't a fit for us. And see, I'm sorry, this one riles me up and I am the prize. I know you're a big fan, so I appreciate it, but that's a perfect example of why I'm shooting this video today. You know what? Nobody can bullshit you to do anything because the minute you say that, you're saying I'm a victim. And if you're a victim, then knock yourself out. Enjoy victim consciousness because it's not gonna get you anywhere. It's just gonna get you more of what you don't want. Be more empowered in your life. Read the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. So you can shift this narrative. Read the book, The Four Agreements. This is perfect example of what I'm talking about. Read the book, The Four Agreements. When we stop projecting our shit onto others, we actually attract more of what we want. Sorry, I had to go on a rant with you on that when I'm the prize. Carrie says, my awesome boyfriend did not treat me that way. He did not bullshit me. He's great person. Not all men are like that. Sorry, but you're wrong, Jonathan. I'm wrong about what? Not all women know what a narcissist is. Folks, let me just say something to you. When you're unhappy in a relationship, there are signs, there are lots of signs. Most of the time from what I see, and again, this may seem like a judgment, I see women give their power away to men and then get unhappy because the man decide to change the relationship. The man decide he doesn't want to see you anymore. The man decides something else. And all of a sudden they get labeled assholes, you're bullshitting me and taking advantage of me. You know, taking advantage of me. Listen, people can change their mind. There is no guarantee in a relationship. Sometimes you date someone, you go, they're not a fit for us. And just because you have sex doesn't mean that they were trying to take advantage of you. Now, for some men, that's true. But then why are you, if this is happening more, if it's happened more than three times in your life, then ask yourself, why is this happening? What am I doing to contribute to this happening? Look, happens once, shame on them. Happens twice, shame on me. What I'm saying is really, if it happens twice, shame on them. If it happens three times, what am I doing to contribute to this? That's the conversation I want to inject instead of blaming the opposite sex and not taking ownership for one's part in these circumstances. That's my two cents anyway. All right. Bump, bump, bump. All right. So I am the price is you're speaking like a typical man. You know what? Again, I'm a big advocate for women. I witness women experience pain habitually, habitual pain. I get it. I see this over and over again. The primary cause is a lack of self-love and giving one's power away. So the fact that I'm drawing attention to that, if that sounds like I'm talking like a typical man, I'm here to encourage one thing, empowerment within oneself. If that is acting like a typical man, then so be it. If I'm here to encourage self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-love, if that's being a typical man, then bring it on. Because what I'm bringing attention here to today is maybe a shift of a narrative, but here's the hard part. You have to look beyond the surface and you have to look at beyond the other person and take personal responsibility for one's choices. That's one of the reasons why 97% of human beings lack emotional maturity. Because when they're pointing the finger at someone else and not looking at their own creation of the circumstance, that's victim consciousness. Anyway, that's my two cents anyway. All right, oops. Tracy says, yes, you are right, Jonathan, 100%. Thank you so much. Yes, Emily, educated men with power do this. I understand. Lisa says, amen, stop being a damn victim. Exactly, that's really my message here, folks. That's simply my message. You're not a victim to anything. You are in charge of your relationship, destiny. And quite frankly, everything is happening for you and not to you. And in those circumstances where some of you might feel like many of you have been in situations where you've given your power away to a man, to a guy who was myopic selfish and let's even call him narcissist. The reason why that happened was God, on some level, was giving you an opportunity to go, you know what? I'm done with this. I'm going to love on myself and I'm not gonna give my power away to men. Folks, I can't tell you how many women come to me at the ending of a relationship and it's always about the man, the man, the man, and they're not even looking at themselves or at least going, how can I heal from this? It's all, how can I change the man? That's narcissistic behavior. The minute you say I need you to change for me to love you or for me to feel good about myself, we could call that narcissist. We could call everything under the fucking sun, narcissism. It's gotta stop. At least that's my invitation, anyway. Kerry says, I agree. You have to take ownership and do the inner work and hear a healing, but I also know that there are narcissists out there and they must be identified and avoided, have clear boundaries. Well, again, what one person believes is a narcissist isn't necessarily one another person experiences to, to be able to point them out. I'm not necessarily in favor of that. What are you gonna do? I even see websites where there's names of that. Folks, again, unless you have to call a doctor and attorney of a policeman, I'm here to suggest taking ownership in your own life. But it's interesting that this conversation is basically a lot of you are not agreeing with me. Okay, so be it. I understand. I understand. And by the way, I'm an advocate for women here. I'm a big advocate for women. I'm an advocate for women to take personal responsibility for their choices, to be empowered, to love on themselves. And I want men to do the same. I want the dating, mating and relating realm to be more intentional instead of cavalier and ambivalent. That's part of the reason why I yell so much because the vast majority of men and women alike are dating without intention very cavalierly, very ambivalent. And by the way, you have to accept ownership when you date without intention ambivalent and without any real direction. You've got to take ownership to what happens in these circumstances. And this is why I created my private coaching. All right, Lauren just wrote in, or Scoop says, Jonathan, good advice, thank you. Scoop says, is there a book that gives examples of healthy versus non-healthy relationship dynamics? I end up feeling like a narcissist for having any needs because they're often invalidated by others. Great, great question. Lauren, highly recommend reading these two books. Two books, okay, hold on a second everyone. Read Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman and read How to Be an Adult in Relationship. These are two great books to come at it from a very emotionally healthy way and add to that the book, The Four Agreements. The Four Agreements, highly recommend reading that book. Thank you so much for your question. TK says, humankind people, I love your t-shirt. Thank you so much. All right, we're gonna take one more question before we wrap up. Well, Etha says, I have a disagreement with you about distance and bonding. I came from a time where I remember love letters and how people bonded years ago. I've seen people pack up and move to be with someone. Okay, there's all folks. There's the exception and the rule. And these days I'm gonna say it's very rare a man will fall in love with a woman through love letters. Okay, it's very rare, very rare. This is another reason why it's very rare that men fall in love over the telephone. It's very rare that men will fall in love via text messaging. Men and women fall in love through shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together and then eventually conflict resolution when you can overcome conflict one after another, after another, these bumps in the road, then you build a solid foundation underneath you to actually have a fully committed relationship until you have conflict with one another and resolve them and have another conflict and resolve them and another conflict and resolve them. It's gonna be very hard to, yes, you can fall in lust over an email or a telephone call but building a real healthy happy relationship has gotta be done face to face through the trials and tribulation because why, what causes divorces might be a better way of looking at it rather than what causes people to fall in love. Instead of looking at what causes people to fall in love why not focus on what causes people to get divorced and maybe do your best to avoid those things before you ever get too involved with another human being. That's the message I oftentimes share with my audience. Robin says, stop the fucking labels, thank you. All right. Lauren says, oh, we've already covered that one. All right. Jennifer says, I've never done long distance and never will. I've had a few in my life, I'm not complaining. I've had some good ones and I've had some not so good ones. Kerry says, Jonathan, I don't think you're a narcissist. I don't think that that word should be thrown around lightly. I'm sorry, someone called you a narcissist unfairly. Yes, you see, this is an example. I've been what I think is unfairly called as a narcissist by many people, okay? Whether it's true or not, doesn't really matter to me. What matters most are the people who love me in my life. I'd like to think I have a group of people who love me dearly. I'd like to think that I love them dearly and I go out of my way to demonstrate that love. I go out of my way to apologize when I think I've done something that wasn't too nice, okay? If I felt like this is one of those videos that I was crossing a boundary, I would own it but I don't feel like that's happening here. But yet I'm a perfect example of how often I get labeled a narcissist and that's really why I'm tired of this, not because of Jonathan Asley, because if we point the finger at everyone else without looking at our own, taking ownership to our part, then what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results and I wanna encourage everyone to have a different experience. So look it, I understand why many got upset with this particular conversation today. It's even be called I'm a typical man. I'm the furthest thing from a typical man. Trust me on this one, ladies. And to the extent that I might think like a man, yes, I was raised as a man. Do I think that there is women give their power way too often? Yes, because from where I sit, I witnessed this as a dating or relationship coach. I'm gonna tell you, men have their own frustrations with women as well. When you get into forums, hearing about men's complaints about women, I will tell you they complain about narcissistic women all day long, mostly in the area of entitlement. That's where their complaints are. So not emotionally mature, man. I'm just talking about the average guy out there. Listen, I'm here to encourage one thing, loving on ourselves. I'm here to encourage another thing, be human to one another, be kind to one another, love on oneself and love on humanity. And most importantly is this. What we feed, the narrative we talk about out loud is what we attract in our lives. So you have a choice. It's either raining great emotionally mature men or you can focus on what you don't want. And guess what you're gonna see? A lot of what you don't want. And that's my invitation for this conversation today. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below in the comment section. And I hope you had value. And if this did have value to you, please share this video. Please hit the like button as well. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jotham Barrow of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye.