 Proudly we hail! New York City, where the American stage begins, here is another program with a cast of outstanding players. Public service time has been made available by this station to bring you the story as Proudly we hail the United States Army. The dictionary defines a cat as a carnivorous quadruped of the family Felidae. But it could be that the people who write dictionaries are on the square side because a cat is also something else. Something, or we should say, someone like Private Alvin Price, who is the hero of today's story titled The Coolest Cat. Our story begins in just a moment, but first here's a tip for you high school graduates. Something to think about. When you're making plans for your future, look into the future our United States Army can offer you. Do you want real technical training? For instance, our modern United States Army runs the greatest technical schools in the world. You can get this kind of training under the Army's Reserve for You training program. And here's the way to do it. First, after you've received your high school diploma, you apply for the course of your choice at your nearest United States Army recruiting station. There are more than 150 courses to choose from. Then, if your application is approved, you enlist and start the basic training all good soldiers must have. Then, you're all set for some of the world's best schooling. Ask about it at your United States Army recruiting station today. And now, the first act curtain of your proudly-behaved production, The Coolest Cat. Oh, go, man! Hey! All it's doing is driving spikes through my skull. It's rubbing sandpaper down my backbone. Oh, man! It's dipping my nerves in sulfuric acid. I'm going out of my mind! That's all! Hey, Sarge, I'll turn it off. Rice, I've been a platoon sergeant in this Army for 10 years. I never pulled my eyes off of you. I've been a platoon sergeant in this Army for 10 years. I never pulled my rank on anybody. But, soldier, you have to be straightened out. You share this barracks with 28 other men. You have a right in your off-duty time to play your phonograph. Moderation, soldier. That's the key word. Quiet. You get what I mean? Yeah, yeah, Sarge, yeah. But when you dig something that comes on the most like this, you just flip. You bring it up, man. You just gotta fly with it. That thing plays low, or out of the barracks it goes, understood? Yeah, Sarge. All the squads loaded up. Squad leaders, check that all spare parts are in the trailers. When we report to the range, draw 500 rounds of ammo for each gun. Gunners, check the belts. Make sure you pull out all the tracer rounds. There you go. Good morning, Sergeant Stewart. Morning, sir. You're a platoon ready to leave for the firing range? Sir, just waiting for your inspection. How is this man price? Uh, seems like a bright enough fella, sir. I granted his request, you know. Request, sir? Well, didn't you know about it, Stewart? He said he had your permission to speak to me. Oh, well, I didn't ask him what for. It had to do with bringing over some of his personal property from the States, didn't it, sir? May I ask what, sir? Well, his phonograph records, of course. Oh, no. I mean, sir, he's got plenty of records now. Oh, that's only the smallest part of his collection. Do you know he has almost 5,000 records? Yeah, I think it's 5,000 records, sir. Oh, was it eight or nine? Well, price tells me he has the finest and most complete collection of authentic jazz records in the world. And he's bringing them over here, sir? As he put it, some cats get permission to bring their wives over. All I want is some records. A good overall showing, Sergeant. Nice going, Price. Rhythm? Yeah, man. That's how Sergeant Stewart taught his soul rhythm. I dig rhythm, sir. Well, it's like taking a drum solo, Sarge. How's that, Price? Well, it's like you set up your own beat, sir. On the down, beat, you press the trigger. On the up, beat, you get the burst. Press the trigger, get the burst. Press the trigger, get the burst. Nothing to it, sir. Tonight I gotta write a letter to some of the cats in KC. Ma'am, they ought to hear me take a chorus on that 30-caliber chopper. Uh, Sergeant, it's somewhat unorthodox, but you must admit he produces results with it. Keep up the good work, Price. Solid, man. Uh, yes, sir. Hey, Price, what's this I hear about you bringing your old record collection over here? Oh, yes, Sarge, that. Well, the captain said go, man. Go, man, huh? The question is where? So, here I am, 15 years in the service, six stripes on my arm while setting my career, and into my life bursts a character. Or if I may use his term, a cat named Alvin Price. What can I do about him? It was obvious to everyone from his own buddies in the squad all the way up to the colonel at Regiment that he was easily the smartest soldier in the outfit. And that music is, he's a great man. And that music is, it was absolutely nothing and no one in jazz he couldn't talk about all day and would if you let him. You couldn't mention anybody who ever played in any jazz orchestra anywhere in the world without getting something from Alvin. About a week of this. And one night, it was Friday right after Chow. Price came up to me. Hey, Sarge, you want to step in a day room for a minute? What's up, Price? I gotta be crazy. No argument from me on that. No, no, wait a minute. Look, when I say, when I say I can dig a record without reading the label and tell you who's playing on it, I ain't kidding. A cat identifies himself to me the way he plays his instrument. The way he blows. I can tell. I can always tell. So, what's the point? You gotta do something for me, Sarge. And please don't say no. Please tell me why. You just gotta do it. First, you gotta dig this record. It's just maybe 30 seconds on the record. Price, I promised my wife we'd go to the show tonight. Well, you could call her up and tell her you can't go. The record was made by a group in Prague, Czechoslovakia in 1939. On it, there's some piano by a guy named Heinrich Hoffman. He was one of the best European jazz piano players. Some guys rate him number one. In my book, he's about three, maybe four. But he's good enough, you know? Here's where he takes his solo. It's just maybe 20 seconds. Now, please, just dig this, huh? Price, I never heard of Heinrich Hoffman and I couldn't care less. Sarge, just listen. Dig this, huh? Okay. Now, let's go. Let's go where? To the city. I want to take you to a little cafe. Didn't I just tell you I'm taking my wife to the show? You can take her tomorrow, Sarge. Now, please, listen, you've got to do this. It's important. You're my platoon, Sarge, and you're also my friend. I can't go to nobody else. But just remember the record. Remember what you heard. And don't waste any time, huh? Come on, you've got to do it, Sarge. Look, Price, what did you drag me here for? You tell me this minute or I'm walking out on it. Oh, man. Your orders, please. A couple beers. Thank you. Now, look, man, don't say a word. Just dig this guy. Just dig this guy. He's playing now. Don't I get enough of this jazz when I'm in the barracks? Do I have to get into a jam with my wife and come to a joint like this and my night out? You know who that is? That's Heinrich Hoffman, the cat on the record. Well, that's nice. I hope you and Heinrich are very happy. Now, what did you drag me in here for? I want you to dig him for a while. Price, as you would say, I don't dig this. I got news via I don't want to dig it. Oh, man. This kind of music sounds to me like a bunch of monkeys running loose in a boiler factory. If that makes me a square good, I'm a happy, satisfied, contented square. Sarge, I'm losing it. I'm losing it. Losing what? The ear. The ear is going on me. I can't hear anymore. I hear the wrong scenes, man. I'm listening to a cat named Heinrich Hoffman. Don't play like him. Listen, you heard him on the record back in the day room. Does it sound the same? Come on, break it to me, does it? What am I hearing, Sarge? In just about 10 seconds, you're going to hear a whole earful from me. Do you realize that was supposed to take my wife? Man, do you realize the human being is right now at the long, bitter end? I've lost it. I've lost my ear, Sarge. He plays like a different guy, Sarge. I was born with a gift. Now it's gone. Now what's going to happen to me? Am I going to spend the rest of my life living like a square? Where's that waitress? Now, Price, you don't drink. So don't try getting the load on her to get your troubles and only make you sick. Who wants to drink? Hey, whatever your name is. My name is Erica. Oh, that's nice. Would you ask the piano player to come over here as soon as he can? Herr Huffman? Yeah, yeah, Herr Huffman. Tell him a fan of his from America would like to buy him a beer. A fan? Yeah. I'm afraid I do not understand. He's not a fan in English. Something one uses to keep you. Yeah, yeah, honey. I'm the coolest fan he's got. Just tell that cat that I want to buy him a beer. Cat? I'm afraid I do... Look, I didn't come over here to give English lessons. Hop on your cloud and float over to the bandstand, huh, honey? You know, you know, Sarge, this isn't a bad country in some ways, but it's so square. My boy, I only know Gregory Peck is at the movies tonight, and if I don't take my wife... Good evening. Oh, Mr. Huffman. Won't you sit down? Thank you. My name is Alvin Price. This is Sergeant Stewart. How do you do? I'm a fan of yours, Mr. Huffman. I really dig your style. You know how bad those old records are? Well, today they have much finer recording techniques. It ain't the sound, it ain't the sound. It's the style. You don't cut the same left-hand figures. And the beat, it just sounds so it's off. I believe I play as I always did. Yeah, sure. Well, it's me. Have a beer? No, don't go. I must be getting back to the bandstand. It's been a pleasure to meeting you gentlemen. Good night. Good night. Yeah. Now, my boy, I say good night. You coming? No, Sergeant. I can't. I got to sit here. I got to dig more at this. Maybe my ear will come back. I just got to sit here and dig it. Look, buddy, you got an early revelry tomorrow. We're going out on a problem. Price, are you listening to me? Sergeant, please get that voice out of my ears. I can only handle one sound at a time. Good night, Alvin. My wife and I can still make the last feature. I knew then what I know now I would never have walked out on them. But that's how it goes. Anyhow, I took my wife to the movies which got me off the hook domestically. Then we come to the following morning, or I should say, the great shield of dawn. Surely, Sergeant Stewart, you must agree that being a wall is a serious offense. Yes, sir. I don't believe Price deliberately did it. But the fact remains he isn't here. I'm afraid he's sick, sir. Well, in the light of what you told me, it did sound as though he was very much overawed about something. I would say it was more than that, sir. It seemed like the whole world came to an end for him last night. Well, it's true. The most important thing is his record collection, and that's here in the company. Then why should he leave it? That is what's bothering me, sir. I can sympathize with him, Stewart. But I'm faced with the fact that I have to account for him and our records. I know, sir. When I believe he's in trouble, I think he needs help. I've come here to ask permission to go look for him. You've got it, Stewart. Thank you, sir. Well, he isn't a captain. The guy can go off his rocker for so many reasons. I'll bet this is the first time a man ever won A-Wall because he couldn't hear a piano player. You are listening to the proudly-behaved production of The Coolest Cat. Young men and women now is the time to consider the Army's Reserve for You training program. Here's how it works. You check the school catalog listing the technical courses available. There are more than 150 to choose from. Select two and file an application. If you're accepted, you'll receive a written guarantee from the Adjutant General of the Army or the Commanding General of the Training Division concerned. Then the decision is up to you. If you're interested, you enlist and are enrolled in the course of your choice. If you change your mind, the reservation is forgotten. All this can be yours. You will have the written guarantee in your hands before you enlist. There are no hidden catches. For complete information, visit your local United States Army Recruiting Station. Now, for the second act curtain of the proudly-behaved production of The Coolest Cat. One thing about the Army, you meet such interesting people and you'd have to go a long way before you met anyone quite like Private Alvin Price. Price is stationed in Germany with a weapons company. That is, he was stationed with a weapons company. As of right now, there's considerable doubt about Price. He disappeared. The last person to see him in the outfit was platoon Sergeant George Stewart. Price had dragged Stewart to a small cafe to listen to a jazz piano player. Stewart left early and Price never did come back to the company. Tonight, Stewart has gone back to the cafe. Perhaps he can find someone who might know something about Price. Your order, bitte. Oh, look, you remember me? No. I was in here last night with another soldier. So many soldiers come here. Look, even now, you see? Yeah, but this soldier asked you to bring the piano player to what table, remember? No, I do not think so. He was talking, well, it's kind of a way American jazz musicians talk and you couldn't understand him too well. Now you remember, don't you? I was so busy last night. I remember nothing. Your order, bitte. Well, well, well, well, well. If it isn't old George Stewart, hey, you owe me a beer. Sit down. Old Hagrid and George Stewart. Man, we miss you since you left the world of sane people and got married. What are you doing out tonight? How come you got away from your wife? I haven't seen you for over a year. That's right, I haven't seen you since you transferred into the MP's. Man, I'm in a good outfit now. But here we go, like two old soldiers all we do is talk shop, shop, shop. Uh, what's the long face about? Well, I'm not exactly off duty right now. You mean you're on duty here in a beer joint? Hey, why didn't they have details like this when I was in the infantry? I got a man-a-wall in the platoon. Yeah? Well, I guess my outfit will be out after him in a couple of days. I'm trying to beat your outfit to the draw. I want to bring him in myself if I can find him. Hey, look, maybe you can give me a hand. George, buddy, this happens to be my night off. Anyway, you can listen. Maybe you can give me a slant. This guy's name is Alvin Price. Your beer, Sergeant. Bring another one, please. Yeah, I go. He's a smart kid, and he's got this fantastic hobby. He's another jazz. August, another beer, please. Here you go. Yeah, Herr Hoffmann. Come with me, please. But I am busy. I said, come with me, please. Yeah. Now, that Sergeant, he was in here last night with a soldier Price. He is obviously wondering what has become of his friend. I saw him talking with you. I wonder what you told him. I? I told him nothing. I swear. Good. Now, let this serve as a reminder to continue telling him nothing. I would say nothing. I told you I do not wish to be involved. You cannot afford to be involved. Your father is still very much in our hands. Now, soldiers do disappear. His absence will be dismissed after a while. No one will connect it with this place. What? What are you going to do with him? Is it any affair of yours? Go about your duties. Yeah. Yeah, Herr Hoffmann. So I left him. That was the last I've seen or heard of him. Okay. So the first thing you do is ask around. Did anybody notice him last night? That waitress. Let's call her over and ask her. I already did. She doesn't even remember seeing him in here last night. Now, wait a minute. That's impossible. She'd have to remember him after what you just told me. Well, you ever want to call her over and ask her? No, no, I don't. Not now. You asked anybody else? Not yet. What do you mean, don't? What did I come here for? That girl is lying. She has to be. Drop the whole thing. What are you talking about? Don't mention the word price in here again, huh? Just listen and shut up. Yeah, but... You just told me a story and all you can draw from it is one conclusion that the guy figured he was losing his gift and wandered off somewhere as off his rocker. There's another way of looking at it, too. I wish you'd tell me. All right. I suppose he was right. I suppose he was telling him the truth. Maybe this piano player didn't sound like Hoffman for a very good reason. What reason? The best reason in the world. This piano player isn't Heinrich Hoffman. Now, if that's true, we've got all kinds of interesting possibilities. Why does this guy claim he's Hoffman? Who is this guy? I ain't concerned with him. I have to be worried about price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have to be worried about both of them. Georgie, looks like I don't have a night off after all. I have to go back to the office. The whole routine's got to get started. You better go back to your outfit. But I can't... I know, but it's out of your hands now. Look, Georgie, we're an army of specialists. There are people who are trained for this kind of thing. Now, if you start poking around, you can last up everything. But I... I can't just sit around doing nothing. You won't be doing nothing. You'll be doing what the army trained you for. And so will I. Now, look, I don't mess around with your job, so don't you fool around with mine. Okay, get up, yawn, stretch, say goodnight, and beat it. Get up. Huh? Uh, well, I'll have to get up. It's still dark out. You have a phone call. From the outfit? Who is it? The first sergeant? What's up? It's a girl. Girl? What girl? That oldie girl. Oh, you know this one, darling. Very interesting. A girl called at three in the morning. It's a gag. You know that guy's in the outfit. Anything for a laugh. Hello, what's a big idea? Her name is Eric. Well, Erica, what do you want? I... I'm in trouble. Where is he? I... Honey, I gotta go out. You're not going anywhere, sweetheart. The nerve of that girl. Honey, I can explain everything later. Now, what you have to do is call the military police and ask the sergeant Barnes. Barnes? Another old bachelor buddy. The two of you make a great pair. Honey, listen. Tell Barnes to leave a message for him. He's gotta be reached. Why? Has Erica got a girlfriend for him? Oh. Am I crazy? Of all the nerve? What do you think you're doing? Tell Barnes, Erica wants to talk. Tell him I'm meeting her in front of the cafe. Price is in a jam. Baby, I'll explain when I get back. I'll be waiting up for you. Let me in quickly. Be before I am seen. Drive away. What? Hurry. I do not care. I will not see murder. They will kill him. I know it now. What are you talking about? Have you got a pistol? Who carries a gun off duty? Hoffman will kill him tonight. He said so. He just left the cafe. Drive quick. We must get there first. I better call the MPs. We will be too late if you stop for an instant. Please, hurry. Down this street. It is choy. It is shorter. What are you talking about? You cannot save my father this way. Perhaps he is even no longer alive. How do I know? Besides, now I know so much. Too much. The way Hoffman looked at me tonight, perhaps he will kill me too. Who is this guy, Hoffman? He is not Hoffman. Hoffman died in prison five years ago. This is Kelner. He is a red spy. Oh, now. Now at Vegas. Yes. And last night, your friend, he sat in the cafe just listening until everyone had gone. We were alone. Hoffman at the piano. I was sweeping the floor. He was sitting at his table. Finally, he walked up to Hoffman and said, Buddy, what are you building? You are not Hoffman. My ear is okay. You are not Hoffman. Who are you and what is your racket? And Hoffman hit him. Your friend fell to the floor. Hoffman took him to his house. All day, all night, at every chance he keeps asking, how did you know? What did I do that told you I was not Hoffman? Tell me how Hoffman... Your friend will not... Your friend will not talk. And I know Hoffman would kill him. Price alone in the house? Yeah. Okay. Let's hope we get there first. You got to your mouth. Yeah, let me tell you. Man, how did you get here? It's a long story. I went around the back and broke a window. Let's move fast, Alvin. A guy with a gun is going to be here any minute. I didn't hear that. Yes, you know. Now put up your hands, all of you. So, Erica, you made this your concern? Well, too bad. First, Price, I will attend to you. Evidently, you are the only jazz expert who has ever heard of Henry Hoffman. Well, you won't be of much trouble. Kurt Gregor, come in here. Tie them up. We shall go for a small trip. It's remarkable how the best-laid plans have always a small defect. For years, I have studied jazz to impersonate Hoffman, a man who had never been in Germany. And a soldier from America comes by to create nuisance. Unfortunately, that defect can be taken care of. The three of you. March. Where'd you come from? Jerry. What about Hoffman? I think he's headed, Sarge. Report to the lieutenant. Tell him we found our A-wall. You okay, George? Yeah, yeah. Did you get my message? What message? We were following Hoffman. That's all we got here. I saw your car parked outside. We come in, and how do you do? Hey, Sarge, this cat on the ground. He's through. Yeah. I cannot feel sorry for him. Hey, Barnes, this girl took a big chance by talking to me. Don't worry, sister. We'll see you be okay. Sarge the year. The old year. I still got it. Hey, Sarge, you know what happened. I wasn't A-wall. This guy slugged me. Nothing's gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if you wind up being a hero. Yeah, as you would say, you're gonna be the coolest cat in the outfit. No one has told me. What is a cat? Oh, yeah. Well, you see. Price and I both got commendations out of it. That guy Kelner who'd been masquerading us up and got a quiet funeral. He got what he deserved. He was a spy and a murderer. He didn't price the limit. Price only had one thing against him. At the price, this was the most important thing of all. Sarge, the worst thing you can say about that square is that he was the ickyest piano player I ever heard. Here's a special message to the high school class of 56. Fellows, the United States Army is now offering you an outstanding opportunity to get free, highly specialized training through its Reserved for You training program. Here's how it works. You visit your local Army recruiting station and make your choice from over 150 fascinating training courses. If you qualify and a vacancy exists, you will receive a letter of acceptance guaranteeing you a place in the course of your choice before you enlist. Then you're all set. Through the Reserved for You program, you not only get the finest training in the world, but you will have an excellent opportunity for a satisfying career. So at your first chance, get all the facts about the wonderful advantages of an Army career. Visit your local Army recruiting station and ask about the Reserved for You training program. This has been another program on Proudly We Hail, presented transcribed in cooperation with this station. Proudly We Hail is produced by the Recruiting Felicity Center for the United States Army. This is Ralph Rowling speaking and inviting you to tune in this same station next week for another interesting story on Proudly We Hail.