 Okay, I want to be candid with you all. This video is going to be a rant on men because I think there's a significant percentage of men who are treating women with absolute disregard for the emotional effects one can dump on another person when they actively are in the dating marketplace and these men are pursuing some casual connection, some casual companionship, some casual sex without any regard to the emotional effects this might what's the word I'm looking for the emotional effects that it has on another human being when you get attached to another human being and the sad thing is is there's these men are being absolutely inconsiderate they're being unconscious they're being very disrespectful to women and I want to draw attention to these types of men so you don't find yourself in a trap falling for a guy who will eventually use you or play you now here's the thing a lot of men might watch this and say we don't use women well let's get real for a moment it is rather dysfunctional in the dating marketplace today besides the fact that we treat it as a commodity with the dating apps and the swiping how the fact is is people are only chosen based on a literal millisecond of swiping based on their looks that's number one and number two there's really little investment made by people before they become physically intimate with another person so there can be a lot of disingenuous people out there in the dating marketplace and when I mean be by what I mean by being disingenuous is people who aren't fully committed to the process of getting to know another human being for a full commitment see dating today is like shoe shopping you go to a shoe store you try on a couple shoes these days it's actually worse you walk out with those shoes you don't even pay for it you wear them out and then you bring them back to the shoe store and you're asking for a refund something you didn't pay for well that's the way dating is today for a lot of people now this isn't for everyone and most men are actually good people the problem is most men are unaware of their childhood wounds and traumas that affects their capacity to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship with someone so I'm here to call this stuff out and ladies you have to be I don't want to say be on guard because I don't want you to approach the dating process with walls up with fear what I want to encourage you to do is approach the dating process with an open mind being understanding that a significant percentage of the of the midlife category of group of people are rather wounded from childhood wounds or adult traumas that have gone unhealed and it's incumbent upon you to first do your own work to heal from your wounds and traumas but more importantly that to see if this person is even capable of a significant relationship this is why I created my private coaching program by the way there's a link below the schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you I'm here to say you have to be your own detective and if you don't know the important questions to ask at the early stages of dating you might find yourself attached to someone who's incapable of leaning into a healthy happy relationship so one of the things we have to address is the fact that with so many wounded people seeking that occasional companionship occasional sex occasional connection that they're not capable for something different something deeper excuse me we have to recognize that this is the the vast majority of singles out there by the way here in the united states you realize that there's roughly about 120 million singles people who are over 18 years old that are not in a marriage okay now there might be you know there's big percentage of those people they're probably in some sort of relationship with someone but we are swimming in a sea of single people and the vast majority of them are rather dysfunctional what I mean by dysfunctional is they have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills and when people have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills what happens is the early stage of dating is all the pheromones and the chemicals you know being released that makes you want to connect with someone and you're feeling thirsty for connection think of how many people during covid were actually thirsty for connection and they wanted some sort of even cyber connection or some occasional physical connection and a lot of people were so lonely that they were to accept whatever crumbs they got out out of it but now we're past that covid period you're in a position if you're a woman that's smart strong successful confident all the attributes that make you someone desirable then you have every right to do a better job vetting to see if this person is even capable of a significant relationship with you and I'm here to say by the way ladies you're no picnic either let me be be clear about this there are plenty of you ladies that are avoidant attachment style plenty of you ladies that are entitled plenty of you ladies that act like a doormat and being a doormat is not something that allows you to be a martyr in relationship so there's plenty of people on both sides of the gender aisle that are incapable of leaning into a healthy happy relationship so how do we determine if we're getting used well first I want to avoid getting used from the very get go by being more conscious and intentional in the early stages of dating that's right being conscious conscious and intentional in the early states of dating what does that mean it's don't date based on romance you know as being the driving force of the relationship I want to encourage you to be more intentional what does that mean get really clear on the type of relationship that works for you and that requires looking inward and looking at your life and saying how would I fit someone into my life or how would I fit into someone else's life or more importantly how can we blend two lives together in addition I'm here to encourage more honest and open communication to build deeper intimacy what is intimacy intimacy is into me you see into me you see and I'm encouraging this because without intimacy look at the days of being financially dependent upon a man for many of you isn't necessary you're capable of taking care of yourself so what do you want out of a relationship I'm going to assume you want a greater emotional connection out of a relationship than just someone who's a provider and protector although we're going to talk about that in a moment so with that said if you're coming to the table capable of taking care of yourself I'm going to assume that you want something deeper so why do you accept men that give you crumbs because what I'm going to outline in a moment illustrates why many of you accept men who are not capable of a deeper type of relationship so one way to determine if you're being used or played is he doesn't open up to you he doesn't open up to you he avoids personal questions now in the beginning we kind of give people a pass because we don't necessarily want to pressure them but the reality is is today we're meeting total strangers you have every right to ask deeper questions in the early stages to determine if this person is a fit for you and more importantly if he's honest is he sincere and the only way you're going to do that is asking those questions again I talk about that in my private coaching because we have to those questions are unique to you we have to base them on your personality what questions do you want to assess from this person and if they're unable to open up personally emotionally are they really capable of a deeper relationship with you number two he doesn't ask you about your desires after the hunt phase after the ladies I know you love the idea that men love the chase and men love the hunt and you can just sit back in your feminine energy and let him claim you just remember what are men hunting men aren't hunting I want to be in a relationship they're hunting sex so when in the beginning where they're in that hunt phase where they're doing all this you know asking about you if all of a sudden after sex that begins to wane and he's not really diving into your life trying to find out about your relationship with your parents and your relationship with your children your relationship with your professional capacity he's no longer interested in that it's very surface conversations that could be a sign that you're going to get used or played by a guy okay number three he doesn't protect you see it's not about physical protection I think what meant the idea of provider protector I think men need to have a greater responsibility emotionally protecting a person you see there's something I shared before in videos I say men women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment so when a man professes I want a relationship well that he's basically saying you know the minute he says I want a relationship now he's not saying I want a relationship with you but he's declaring that he wants to explore something greater than surface or is he see the word relationship is very vague for a lot of people see a relationship could be I just want to use you at my beck and call that's a relationship to me versus the men who want something serious something that they want something deeper they want to either move in with someone or get married and protecting a woman is recognizing that a woman can get attached to a man after physical intimacy see a woman you know women release chemical from their brain into their body known as oxytocin and the minute there's physical intimacy oh man they bond with them men need to be aware of this and you have to draw attention to this and yet to be a true protector is to recognize that when they're seducing a woman or implying a desire to explore a relationship with them when they turn around and say I'm not ready for a relationship after they've been physically intimate with you that's not genuinely protecting a woman now let me just say this there's a significant percentage of good men out there there are now a lot of you ladies don't choose those men okay you reject them on the dating sites just remember you swipe left on a lot of great guys and you're swiping right on a lot of guys who will use you that's what we see today in the dating marketplace so just remember there are good men out there and yet sadly the vast majority of men and women out there are rather dysfunctional as I outlined before number four this is a good sign that you might be used or played by a guy is he doesn't introduce you to his family or his friends he doesn't introduce you to his family or his friends folks if someone doesn't introduce you to his family or friends that's a sign that he's not serious about wanting to commit to you in a relationship excuse me for a moment I just got to write a message so if someone doesn't introduce you into his life if he doesn't try to integrate you into his life that's a sign that all he wants out of you is time to himself with you but he doesn't really want to integrate you into his life okay so if a guy isn't introducing you to his family and friends that's a sign that you might be used or played later on down the road number five he doesn't go out of his way to help you you know I remember I briefly dated a woman at the time we began dating she needed help moving I'll be candid with you I blew her off partially because I was ready to exit the relation actually no uh yeah this was right at the time I was ready to end the relationship I'm not proud of what I did but you know what I made a commitment to help her and I didn't do that if someone's not willing to actually invest in helping you uh with parts of your life then he's not a teammate and there's a good chance he may be using you and last but not least he doesn't he puts off being exclusive he avoids conversations about the future any guy once you're physically intimate with a man and he's avoiding conversations about the future that's a good sign that you're going to end up being used or played by this guy and I'm here to say we've got to stop giving guys a pass on this behavior it is time to at the top of your lungs call men out on this bad behavior use your male friends to call men out on bad behavior now again I'm here to uh profess there are plenty of women out there that are equally bad they're entitled they have uh emotionally distant they have their own challenges but we need to start calling out bad behavior because otherwise this is going to beget more and more bad behavior and I'm here like I said screaming at the top of my lungs don't let guys get away with this so just to repeat he doesn't open up to you he avoids personal questions he doesn't ask you about your desires after the hunt phase he doesn't protect you and I don't mean physically protect you I mean emotionally protect you he doesn't go out of his way to help you nor and he puts off talking about being exclusive and he avoids conversations about a future any of those are a sign are ways that men might be playing or using you is this sinking in is this resonating with you please let me know if you have something to share post a comment below I'd like to hear about this and if you like this content please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel all right those know my live stream and I'm going to do a very short live stream tonight if you have a question write the word question in the chat box and then post your question or you can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley that's a picture of him right there in the woody outfit he's my son who passed away over five years ago in fact tomorrow is would have been his 24th birthday and his honor I am donating the causes like seeds of love the Hoffman process and insight institute just to name a few all right so let's take question oh and if you're watching the replay please hit a super thanks so I did have a question come in I want to share this with everyone this comes in from Anne and she wrote I'm an incredibly educated person I have wonderful family and friends I own my own successful business I became a widow several years ago I have a therapist even with all these blessings I think I can actually help a person who is remarkably troubled why are people like me doing these things to ourselves is it ego is it empathy why do we do things that we do so and first off I just want to give you some props and just simply say this it is lovely that you want to help people I think empathy I think charity I think compassion are important qualities to have in a human being what you're not doing in these cases is you're abandoning your own I suspect I should say you're abandoning your own self-worth or what I talk about in my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work by the way there's a link below to get a copy of my book what I think you're doing is abandoning your own worth to help someone else now the I want you to be cautious of something because a lot of women go out of their way to help people and then they turn into the martyr basically saying look at what I've done for you look at what I've done for you and then expecting something in return so I'm here to say it is beautiful that you give love to another human being but it starts by giving love to yourself it starts by putting the oxygen mask on yourself first and if you're not doing that if you're giving to other people I get that you have a lot of blessings you're depleting yourself and I suspect you're giving to your you could be enabling people as well and when you're enabling people you're not giving them an opportunity to grow within themselves so and those are just my two my my quick thoughts on your question I really appreciate you sharing that with us and thank you for being such a compassionate human being all right let's keep going down the list of questions Tina says this is why many of us have fallen for love bombing and future faking because it seems to be the opposite of all this but really it's even worse full deception both extremely extremes of toxicity you know I sadly a lot of men have realized that the game to get laid is just to say a lot of things that you want to hear I call this relationship talk you see it's one thing to have words it's another thing to back it up with actions one of the ways a man can back it up with his actions is to begin integrating you into his life that's a way to back it up see we make a lot of grand promises and just keep in mind you know fool me once shame on you or excuse me fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me if you have seen a pattern in your life where this happens of inconsiderate behavior then it requires approaching the dating process with a lot more intentionality and more importantly recognizing that you might be rejecting a lot of good men and only attract the wrong men because those are the ones that seem the most attractive the alpha males you know that the bread pill talks about and all you have to do is bow to their wishes I'm here to say there's a lot of good men out there you might be rejecting and yes at the same time there are a lot of jackasses and assholes out there that you're accepting as well this is why you have to remember you are in charge of your relationship destiny and that requires vetting a person much deeper and greater than you have before all right miss rainbow butterfly mr rainbow plug quite grateful for your service self love in your book uh syllabus is awesome but should I back off if an ex-boyfriend doesn't want to rekindle well here's the thing I believe two people should enter into the desire to get to know one another at you know a mutual pace so if someone is not may matching your pace then cut back on your pace or have a serious conversation about why are we doing this why are we exploring this you know a lot of people don't have these deeper conversations their conversation is how's your day going did you have a good day I hope you had a good day you know why is it listen one of my favorite memes I want to share this with everyone one of my favorite memes is the following I hate small talk I want to talk about Adam's death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of life far away galaxies music that makes you feel different memories the lies you've told your flaws your favorite sense your childhood what keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind I don't want to know what's up you know I'm here to encourage deeper conversations I'm here to encourage the hard conversations everybody calls these the interview questions we should be interrogating people because guess what when you're meeting strangers you don't know who they are we the dating I know the dating rhetoric out there is all about let's just have a good time let's focus on having a good time first date should just be about a good time now I'm here to say do the interrogation on the phone before you ever meet someone and I know that sounds like a turnoff it's not sexy but here's the thing deeper conversation leads to greater connection with someone so ask the harder questions in the early stages instead of the surface level questions that's my two cents anyway all right nazi says question on number two you said he doesn't he does not ask you about your desires can you please speak more into this great I'm sorry I didn't lean into this more great question so what do you want out of life what do you want out of a relationship what do you want you know how do you see yourself in in in your life in the future asking what makes you happy what are the things that bring you joy you know these are the kind of questions that fostered deeper conversations with another human being that they should want to find these things out and I think most importantly is to have deeper conversations about your desires when it comes to romantic love you should establish your rules of engagement your standards right from the very get go to see if by the way the guys who run away they weren't serious anyway so that's what I meant by that hope that helps um charity says I have a friend of three years who is really good guy introduced me to his family and gives me attention and does these things for me but he has a hate for Facebook my business is Facebook well he's a friend I'm sorry that your friend hates Facebook but I will say this if you're you know this a friend doesn't have to be everything for every facet of your life okay a friend doesn't have to be everything for every facet of your life so in this particular case he doesn't he dislikes Facebook my best friend dislikes Facebook I mean I don't know if he hates it but he extremely dislikes and he's never active on it and he knows this is my business and yet it doesn't affect our friendship because it has nothing to do you know we I talk about my business with him he talks about his business but we don't get into the nitty gritty of every aspect of it so um you know good people may not like Facebook and that's okay ah Jane says to Ann's question your description fit me to a T I've learned that there are childhood wounds buried very deeply within myself now I approach dating very differently thank you Jonathan you know I thank you Jane I just want to say there's a significant percentage of beautiful ladies out there who are either people pleasers or they go out of their way to help others I think that's a beautiful quality and at the same time if it's at the expense of yourself you are not you are doing yourself a disservice and all of the loved ones around you a disservice when you give your when your energy is depleted by giving to others without giving within yourself so so Jane or for Ann and Jane thanks so much for bringing that up I really appreciate it oh I want to give Elena some props thanks so much for the five-dollar super sticker I really appreciate it um wait charity goes on to say do I do away with Facebook to have a relationship with a good guy now you said he was a friend are you if you're talking about a romantic relationship with them I think anyone here's the thing um if someone hates Facebook and that's part of your business then they're not accepting you know that part of you you know and if they can't accept that part of you I mean especially if it's a critical part to your business then they've got a hang up that they've got to work through otherwise I don't look at it okay folks everyone knows I'm in the relationship with Marie there's a picture of her there what if she hated YouTube what if she hated YouTube she hated the way I made a living I wouldn't want to be in relationship with a person who hates the way I make a living you know I had a friend of mine who had a very successful YouTube channel and the woman he was with despised his channel despised his social media efforts and in and like he resented her after a while he did end the relationship I'm going to tell you if someone doesn't appreciate what you do I wouldn't want to invest in that person that's my two cents anyway hey miss rainbow I want to thank you for the dollar 99 cents super sticker I really appreciate windy writes question what if his mom speaks bad about him I don't know who that's regards to so charity goes on to add it's romantic but we have never really dated well how can it be romantic if you've never really dated is it a friends with benefits friend that's a little bit different if it's a friends with benefit friend look at if you want to take a friends with benefits relationship it's highly unlikely that's going to turn into something serious without deeper conversation so I invite you to have deeper conversations with you with him because I wouldn't want to invest in someone who doesn't want to invest in you is this sinking in everybody is this resonating please let me know Pam says I think most people should meet face to face yes do you know how many people are in cyber relationships we have seen a plethora of people who are strictly in cyber relationships and they are so unfulfilled because folks it takes two it takes a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust Jay Shetty goes on to say it takes 200 hours of face to face time just to build a friendship with someone so if you're not actively doing things together if your relationship is either on the telephone on text or it's just hookups and guess what the dating apps listen I'm sorry I'm going to say something very unpopular do you know what dating apps are they're the new form of prostitution I'm sorry I'm going to say that and please that sounds very disrespectful but what I mean to say is the hookup culture is literally treating people like easy sex easy sex and we are swimming in a hookup culture because bound because the standards for a lot of people are so low to entering into a sexual relationship with one another that you might as well call it I'm sorry it's I'm being this is you know I'll be canceled for this but it's literally turned into easy sex which I say is prostitution you know it is time to establish much higher standards for one another and again calling men out on bad behavior we are swimming in the sea of dysfunctional human beings that are so disingenuous to one another it's no wonder it is a cluster fuck out there and I'm just trying to draw attention to maybe operating from a different vantage point is this sinking in I hope it is folks this was a short live stream I wanted to do tonight just to jump in on this topic of six ways good women get used by men I hope this had value for you if it did post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts if you're watching the replay hit that super thanks button and if you find value in my content please like this video please share this please subscribe to my channel please hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos I'll have one out tomorrow as well all right I'm going to wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone Pat a teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Tina and Pam and Yvonne and JW and Sharon and Charity and Bernice and Artie and Miss Rainbow and Elena and everyone thank you for the superstickers tea Davis really appreciate it have a fab evening be well everyone thanks bye now