 What's up everybody, this is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And today we are going to be talking about a very serious subject, domestic abuse, violence, all of that in relationships with all of the news surrounding Johnny Depp and his ex-wife Amber Heard and the new audio tapes that have been released. So the overwhelming majority of domestic abuse victims are women. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 3 women have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner. That's huge, 1 in 3 women. But although the majority of victims are women, there are also many men out there who are victims as well but they don't speak up about it. And that's something that we're seeing right now with the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp situation. So first let's kind of go through the timeline of what happened between these two and get to where we're at now. And I'm somebody who's actually a man who was a victim of domestic violence in some previous really toxic relationships and I don't really talk about it that much so I wanted to kind of share my perspective on this situation as well a little bit later in this video. So back in 2018, Amber Heard released an open letter speaking out against domestic violence and accusing Johnny Depp of physically abusing her. Not only that but she donated all $7 million from the divorce settlement to charity. And to be honest with everything that's just come out, it kind of seems like that was a tactic because Amber Heard knew that the truth about this situation was eventually going to come out. So with the publicity of the Me Too movement, there was a time when Johnny Depp was being shunned by what seemed the entire world. This was right before the release of Fantastic Beasts The Crimes of Grindelwald. During this time, people were pressuring J.K. Rowling to remove Johnny Depp from the film and she released the following statement on her website. The huge, mutually supportive community that has grown up around Harry Potter is one of the greatest joys of my life. For me personally, the inability to speak openly to fans about this issue has been difficult, frustrating and at times painful. However, the agreements that have been put in place to protect the privacy of two people, both of whom have experienced a desire to get on with their lives, must be respected. Based on our understanding of the circumstances, the filmmakers and I are not only comfortable sticking with our original casting, but genuinely happy to have Johnny Depp playing a major character in the movies. So fast forward a couple years or about a year and a half later to today, hashtag Amber Heard is an abuser is currently trending on Twitter because some audio recordings got released where it shows that Amber Heard was actually the abuser. So let's listen to this first clip. I said, no, I said to you, hey, tell Travis what just happened. You told me to do it. He told me to go do that. I said, no, tell him what just happened and that you punched me in the fucking thing and you figured it out. And you said, no fucking, I didn't. What the fuck are you talking about? And I watched you lie and then I didn't punch you. No way. I'm sorry that I didn't punch you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you. It was not punching you, but you're not punched. Don't tell me what it feels like to be punched. No, even a lot of fights have been around a long time. No, no, when you fucking have a closed fist, I did not punch you. I did not fucking deck you. I fucking was hitting you. I don't know what the boat motion of my actual hand was, but you're fine. I did not hurt you. I did not punch you. I was hitting you. How are your toes? What am I supposed to do? Do this? How are you sitting here bitching about it? Am I? You are. That's the difference between me and you. You're a fucking baby. Because you start physical fights? Because you start physical fights? So there's a few things that we need to discuss here when it comes to men being the victims of domestic violence. So the first one is she calls them a baby, all right? So this is something that's common, like it challenges your manhood, right? Like as men we're made to believe, oh, we're manly, we're stronger than women, like we can't be the victim of domestic violence. And this is kind of like a way that female abusers can kind of twist that onto the male like, oh, you're just being a baby. You should be able to take it. And as a man that perceived a notion of being manly, that can make you think like, oh, wow, yeah, you're right. Like I shouldn't be such a wuss. I shouldn't be such a baby. Then she tries to minimize what she actually did to him, right? So he says that she punched him and she's saying, oh, that wasn't a punch. That was just a slap, you know? But from his side, his perception was, no, no, no, you punched me, right? And we all need to understand whether you're a man or a woman. Like there's a difference between like just like, oh, you, you're silly, right? And in the heat of an argument, like it getting physical, all right? I don't care if it's with an open hand or a closed fist. None of that is acceptable. I don't care if you're a man or a woman. You do not deserve to have a partner hit you out of anger like that. And the thing is too that we have to realize that men who are abusers as well, they do this to women all the time, right? Because let's say for example, maybe they throw the woman against the wall and she's like, you hit me, right? And he's like, I didn't hit you. I just pushed you. You see what I mean? Like these little like splitting of hairs. So what actually happened? Like at the end of the day, something physical happened out of anger and that is not okay. Like we need to understand that abuse is abuse. All right? So let's listen to this next clip. So right there, what she says, I can't promise you, I won't get physically violent again. Abusers often do this too. They try to make it seem as though there's this uncontrollable part of themselves that they take zero responsibility for, right? Like, oh, it's just when I get this way, when I get angry, like I have to do this. Like they are this complete Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and they have absolutely no control over that part of themselves. And that is absolutely ridiculous and it is a manipulation tactic because the goal of saying something like that is to make you sympathize with them. All right? Your abusers try to make you think that this is just, this is like some kind of illness that they have that it's uncontrollable and there's no help for that part of themselves. And that is not true in any way shape or form. All right? Because everyone, everyone has the personal responsibility to get help for their issues. All right? And let me repeat that for the people in the back. Everyone has the personal responsibility to get help for their personal issues. Okay? So it's not like there's just this thing and there's no help available. Like what we need to understand, like I, I often empathize and maybe I empathize a little bit too much, but oftentimes abusers, they have a history of being abused. All right? So like I don't, I don't necessarily think that Amber Heard is lying about being the victim of domestic violence of herself. Right? But what can happen is, is when somebody's in abusive relationships, one after another or even a long-term one, that becomes normalized. You start to believe that that's what relationships are supposed to be like. This is often the case for children who grew up in an abusive home. When seeing, you know, mom and dad fight like and get physically abusive, a young child starts to believe, oh, this is what love looks like. You see what I mean. So again, like I, I, I believe that Amber Heard has been in abusive relationships, but it's her responsibility to go get help. You know what I mean? It can't just be one of the things like, oh, that's just what I learned. So I do it because it's unacceptable. So again, I just want to reiterate that the overwhelming majority of abuse victims are women. Okay? But we do need to start a conversation because men can be victims too. All right? So again, like I said, from my personal perspective of somebody who has been a victim of domestic violence, the way I see it is that there's two primary reasons why men don't seek help. All right? So the first one, the first one that you really need to think about is it's, it's somewhat dangerous for a man to call the cops. All right? To call the cops and saying, Hey, I'm being abused by my female partner because the stereotype is due to the majority of abuse victims being women is that the man is the abuser. So if a man does call the cops, there is a chance that he'll get arrested. You see what I mean? And because of that, you know, that power dynamic between men and women, like even if a man, like this is something that I had to be worried about, even if a man defended himself, like I never even defended myself. I didn't want to accidentally put my hands up to block or anything because if I accidentally hit her, like that, that script can easily get flipped and say, Oh, he started it. Oh, look at this bruise. Even if I was just defending myself, like imagine a big dude like me going in front of a judge and saying, Oh, that bruise on her was from me defending myself. You know, like just the, the, the idea that men are typically the abusers, like that's something I had to worry about. But the second reason is like I talked about a little bit earlier is, is that men are supposed to be manly, right? They're supposed to be able to just take it, you know? And if you call the cops, like what, what's that saying about your own manhood, right? It's this perceived sign of weakness. Like are the cops going to laugh at me because my little girlfriend is beating the hell out of me, throwing stuff at me and doing all this. So those are a couple reasons why men don't reach out and call about this. But like I said, whether you're a man or a woman, domestic abuse is never okay. So I wanted to wrap up this video by talking about some resources. And one of the best resources out there is the domestic violence hotline, at least here in the United States. If you're from other parts of the country and you have resources, feel free to leave them down in the comments below. So the domestic violence hotline, not only do they provide a bunch of resources for both men and women, but a lot of people are afraid to even look this stuff up because their abusive partner like goes through their phone, looks at their computer or their laptop or whatever it is, right? And there's this fear that if they walk in on you looking this stuff up, they might hurt you, right? So check this out. The domestic abuse, domestic violence hotline, they have this really cool feature. So check it out. If you're like browsing through their website, they have this little X at the bottom right hand of the screen where you can click it, boom, shoot you to Google. It's said that you can also hit escape and it'll send you back to Google. I personally use Google Chrome as my web browser. And something that pops up initially says like you might need to be using Microsoft Edge. So I don't know if you check it out and you want to experiment with it, go for it. I don't know if my computer is just being funky. But anyways, like go check that out. I'll also link it down in the description below. But again, I just want to repeat, whether you're a man or a woman, domestic abuse is never okay. And I want to make it very clear to anybody watching this that you do not deserve to be treated like that. Your abuser is going to try to break you down mentally, emotionally. They are going to try to manipulate you. They are going to tell you that you can't get anybody better and that you'll be screwed if you leave them and all these other things. And these are lies that they are telling you to keep control in that situation. All right. So reach out. There are resources available. And if you're somebody who has been traumatized, buy these types of situations, like please go get help. Like therapy is an amazing, amazing tool. Like I have had a traumatic past. I personally go see a therapist and it helps me work through a lot of those things. Sometimes there are things bubbling up in my present that I don't even realize are coming from my past. And that way I can work on them in the here and now and start that healing process. All right. But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And I want to send out a huge thank you to everybody who supports the channel over on Patreon, as well as everybody who buys my mental health books at the rewiredsole.com or the mental health merch that we put out there. All right. Thanks again for watching. I'll see you next time.