 Hello and welcome to Let's Talk Tachles. Wow, we just came out of an amazing interview with a very special man who he and his entire family are really working hard and assembling and giving all of the koiches to help and build one of the children who is never struggling and they really buckled up to do what's right even though it was not easy and not so popular in the beginning but they really struggled it through and we're now today they have a lot of a lot of advancements to share. This was not an easy interview and all of you like to see interviews check check and watch it for 20 seconds and know the whole story. This is not the case. It was not an easy interview took a little time to unravel and come to the point but wait and see what you are about to hear. You're going to be really surprised and mesmerized and really feel admiration for this family for what they did. So take your time, watch the entire podcast, wait till the end. There's a few good stories in the end and you'll really like what you're seeing. Enjoy. Hello and welcome to Let's Talk Tachles. Thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate your time. We share your time with us. We know your time is valuable especially before Pesach and we really appreciate it. Today we have a very special guest like I always tell you let's talk to Achles sometime it takes us a little too long till we do the next podcast but we are very very picky and when we bring on a guest he has to be super special. So today without further ado let me introduce to you Rabbi Mr Isaac Miller. Hello Mr Miller. Thank you for introducing me as a very very special person. I really appreciate it. The people who watch so far they don't know you're special but by the end of this interview they'll all know you're special. So I'm jumping ahead of the game and we'll go straight to the chase. Mr Miller Isaac my dear guest has a unique and very powerful story to share with the world. This story is not such a pleasant story. He's doing a very tremendous job here and his entire family really as a group are working very very hard to make the story very pleasant and he has a lot of successes on his column. He's gonna be very brave I hope and I believe tonight to share a personal painful story with tens of thousands of viewers and the only reason he was willing to come here and share with you the story is because he feels that there's a lot for all of us to learn and know in this subject and he's really has a mission to make the world a better place and make Klaus and Klaus children happier and healthier and that's why he's here tonight. So what's going on Mr Miller? Without further ado I'd like to thank you for the opportunity for sharing my story. I wouldn't call it I would call it maybe painly not painful because there's a lot of joy as well when you see what you can accomplish and what you can do and how you can turn things around. There's really a lot of joy and there's a lot to be happy about. Burkhashem I'm happy I'm a happy person and I'm trying to put a smile on other people's faces as well. I share my story a lot and I go out and I talk to people and Burkhashem many many people thank me today for their smile on their face. I think sharing making people smile is a new DNA right? Yes fortunately yes I don't know if any one of you heard the name Miller ever. Nah is it Sam Miller? I always say I'm from the Rabune Sam Miller. Yes so Isaac's father is a very special young Robiankel Miller a very famous Mr Michael Kim Beoud on person so for them to put smiles on people's faces is an everyday occurrence but today let's see how we can put a smile how we can gift wrap this story so let me hear what happened in short. I asked some of my interviews why are you here today can you answer that? Sure I don't think that it's a hard question at all when I share a little bit of my story I'm first always make a disclaimer I'm sharing a story I'm not here as a professional and I don't want anyone to view me as one I'm not giving the advice and I'm not telling anyone what to do I'm just saying what happened to me and my family and how we I believe very successfully got to where we are and our hopes are high that we we know that we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and we're going to get to the end of the tunnel we'll get out we'll get outside it's a shame so I can say like every typical person I grew up and visioned in Monsi I was born raised over there I grew up as a visionist I got married over there I lived over there I raised my children there I started marrying off my kids while I lived over there my whole life was in the circle in that bubble I visioned to see this and in our days we live and we see many kids who struggle and it is only normal to try to be judgmental and in most cases we judge the parents we look at the family as a failing family even if it's only one child of 10 or one child of more we still look at somehow they failed we try to find the reason and the easiest reason the easiest person to target is always the family so as all of us I was the same I was a typical person I know exactly why every kid is struggling and how the parents are to blame one parent was too strict the other one was too soft one was easy going one was hard going but you know there was always and I know exactly why it happened everything was lined up all the excuses yes not exclusive the reasons reasons and all went well till it happened to me and in the beginning I would say I would admit I was judgmental of myself too where did I go wrong and I was focused on that where did I go wrong what did I do bad why did it happen to me must be my fault I didn't know if I should blame myself or my wife maybe so automatically things started getting very tense at home I always started feeling insecure and everything I did because maybe I'm going too hard too soft I should I should not but all the rest of the kids I lost my confidence and the same thing I didn't know for sure if it's maybe my wife's fault and I should blame her with it it started the the ripple effect of this was huge was unbearable and it had a very very bad impact on the whole house automatically and I whoever I talk to it's only normal people it happens to has an effect on the house and one of the things that I started feeling was I started feeling guilty for everybody so first I felt guilty of course for my own kids then I felt guilty for my neighbors their kids are gonna have such a kid in their neighborhood and I felt guilty for the family they're gonna have to live in shame and they're gonna be embarrassed my parents my wife's parents my own brothers and sisters and siblings my wife's and didn't know where this is taking me so I was like lost I was in a dark and nervous I didn't sleep for nights I was worried and not and on top of that I was also worried about my own child my kid that's struggling when it's all started to unravel it was a very bad situation tough situation when I realized what's going on the only thing I saw was that she disappeared night after night I had no clue where she is I would I would not go out of my house at night and walk anywhere night late at night I'm that type of a person who stays home I wouldn't walk around on the wander on streets and when I found out later where she was at the other end of town without being scared she was a young girl how old she was she when was really started missing out I think 14 15 really young yeah so I realized there's two things that's going on she got herself some pants found it under her pillow and I started looking after her so my focus was I was so I can say focused on the wrong thing all together I was focusing on how to put boundaries and what can I do to get her back on track and how I can make it happen and how quick not only control but how quick I can do it I knew that the trick is the quicker I do it the less shame I'll have the less before it goes on the street I didn't want the street to know a little that I know that before I even knew everyone they saw it they saw it many people that I meet today they're busy we know about the neighbors and about the neighborhood they shouldn't find out they all know before you know it they know it and I was trying to protect my my dignity my family my reputation I felt everything is on the line so really it's a very it's a very difficult balance to to game to play because on one hand you do have feelings for your own kids for the other kids and you want you do want to protect your kids they are your kids you don't know what's good for them you don't know what's not good for them and you have your wife you have yourself let's not talk a little bit the extended family but you only meet your own immediate family that sit with you every day by the sub at the dinner table and sharpest dish um you feel very bad for them right and you also separately starting to learn that you're feeling bad for your daughter also so how do you really juggle between these two these two feelings it's it's it's not a simple task that you get a book a manual how to deal with it first of all I realize that by being this nervous and by being worried so much and by trying to control the situation I'm only harming my entire family I was a calm person a normal person and suddenly I became that nervous father without any patience to anyone skeptical and with no confidence and I didn't know what to answer I was always my mind was flying around the worries and worrying and I couldn't concentrate when the kids were talking to me I realized that in an effort to try to control the situation I'm losing the situation so it's not a matter of people think that you can control the situation by in any way there means there is no such a thing you have to let it go a little like what's how can you okay so I brought this stop yourself from wanting to control right so when I realize that I always say today when I look back and people tell me you're enabling right this is a very popular word became the word enabling and I always say you can use what is the opposite word of enabling disabling disabling can you disable no you don't control the situation anyways so it's not called enabling when you don't when you can't disable when you can control it when you realize that it's anyways not in your control and it's not in your hands you don't do anything different to let when you let go it's not even called let go that's when you take yourself of trying to take the situation and control the situation you control yourself that's all it is self control and stay focused on what you're trying to accomplish where are you heading what do you want to do where do you want to get so I want to roll it back a little bit because unfortunately it became very rampant and unfortunately we see it in so many families is there like a certain time or incident or situations that you were able to you can pinpoint today say this caused it these are the signals that you have to watch from like when we're looking back now I want to hear soon about your your relationship with your daughter these days in those days but how's the shulim what should parents look look out for when they how's the shulim are facing similar situations starting to unravel in general once you see that what your kid is doing things not the way all the rest of the family does it and not the way you raise them and it doesn't make any sense what they are doing that's when you realize that your kid you should realize that your kid must be in a bad place I would call it when I say a bad place it means that they are broken for whatever reason one or the other and it's irrelevant but once they're broken I always say it has nothing to do with Yiddish guide Goyish guide that has to do with the person that there's a person over there and a broken person is not a person when you're dealing with a kid that is broken then don't they can't control they cannot do anything they're unable they're broken like a broken car cannot be on the road it's broken and once you realize that you come to realization with fact with a situation and you live with that situation you realize that the only thing you can control is yourself you were saying that if you see unconventional moves and all kind of things don't make sense then you realize you should realize I realized that it's not in her control and it's not something that she does intentionally now it's in my own hands if I should make it more complicated for her and for me or make it easier for her and for me and it's going to make life much simpler what I mean by that is a few things number one I'll do whatever it takes to remove spite if spite is in play then it just becomes worse it unravels right just despite me yeah for dafka so what I had for instance now I have very open conversations with my daughter and she recently repeated to me and she said that in the beginning of her journey she started she always used to speak to me in Yiddish to my wife in English as girls do it's very common and I was okay with that but when things started to unravel I moved back and I was trying to take the situation and make it even stricter and I strict the rule I'm going to bend it the other way this is how I'm going to take control so I said from now on on that you cannot even talk to mommy in English anymore and what do you think happened she started talking to me in English and she wouldn't talk to me anymore in Yiddish nothing would make her talk to me in Yiddish and recently she repeated to me that story she remembered that so you can see what spite does right she could she was not ready to take orders she couldn't she couldn't tolerate any structure or anything this is what they can't when they're broken they cannot so you can do whatever you want you can kill them and they won't change so there's a few things that you must remove that I felt I must remove and again I go back I'm not saying you I'm saying me but I'm sure it took a long time for you to become who you are today from taking going away from all the spites and becoming and all it took was and my main thing was not to lose focus and there is still today so now it's easy it goes automatically my focus is like this and it automatically any situation then comes up by instinct it's about her and not about me it and I can tell you this much that it made me a better father to all my kids my older kids always tell me that they wish I was this kind of a father when they grew up wow because to all my younger kids and it's not only if you take this kid and by her you make her an exception it's going to make the other kids jealous and it could affect them no change yourself change yourself and it's a new me and it's all about my kids so whatever she needs I'm for that and whatever another kid needs even in a normal situation in the way I was before I wouldn't give in so easily to stuff I am make trying all I can to make sure they feel that my I'm devoted to them and I want to make their life as good as I can and we're not talking about spoiling no but I'm talking about that at all I'm talking about taking them to a sforum store and spending time with them even in a sforum store I let them roam around and buy books it costs a lot of money but books they enjoy I'm talking comic books and for one kid that likes Hasidic sforum I would spend money on that you know games toys they're number one they're number one they're number one for me in life and it changed a lot and the the other thing that I did was that I realized is chazal tell us we have reason I'm a Caesar if a person doesn't have a friend they're ready to die so I realized that a lot of kids I'll go back a little bit to humor I always say that people are scared about other kids they start to worry and why is that you have to understand them though people who don't have the experience this is really the biggest scare so and I'm not judgmental today to anyone right even to people that judge me I'm not judgmental to them because I know that I was that person before I was the normal person I'm no longer normal and I don't expect anyone to look at me as normal and I'm fine with that so I don't mind if people judge me at all and so one of the things is I always say that why is it when the first kid struggles the parents are blamed this is normal we blame the parents if a second kid struggles no one would think that the same thing that caused the first kid to struggle maybe it was some kind of a molester or it was someone else in any other way of abuse that did the same thing to the second child no but the second child they will blame the first child so what happened so people will say right you kept him in the house and this kid brought down the next kid and I always turn to them and I say so you can explain to me why it happened to the first kid the first kid didn't have a sibling before and it still happened I was gonna ask you if there is a certain explanation any explanation why it happens to one particular kid versus other kids in the family the same thing goes in physical health if they have two brothers same family grew up together and both smoke one of them gets cancer dies and the other brother or sister smokes heavy same and lifts in a 90 what does that tell you so it doesn't tell you that smoking is healthy definitely not but it tells you that one person can be built better better or better genes or something that made him be able to tolerate the smoke right and the same thing goes over here it could be two people can be as equally abused or bullied or whatever it takes to cause trauma one person can tolerate better trauma than another so there's no general like you always compare it to health situations right every doctor or any sickness any organ cardiologist no people no no doctor would treat two patients alike every person according to his abilities according to his trends according to his weaknesses the same goes with kids the same can goes with comes with spirituality one person can take abuse and go on with life and another person cannot may I ask you a question but you can tell me to back off you think you by now know maybe what triggered this particular kid to be different than her siblings a particular event or happening that happened very sadly I have not only a feeling I have more than a feeling she when we became close and she became close and open and wasn't scared to talk she basically did express to my wife what what caused it I'm sure it's unpleasant and I don't think that here's the place to talk I don't want to do very painful details I'm I'm shaken as is anyway but I can tell you one thing at a certain point when she was open with us and we started having open having open conversations even today it's not a problem and we can have any kind of situation of conversations not a problem nothing is sensitive and she told she revealed to my wife that when she was 12 years old she couldn't sleep through the night she had problems staying sleep she had nightmares from what happened to her and she couldn't sleep through the night but she wanted she was trying she was struggling to be able to go to school so you know what she did she was 12 years old she used to go downstairs and I had some place where I had kept my with the night vodka she would go down get drunk and up night after night and she fell asleep with vodka or this is very painful vodka whiskey a young innocent child and it shouldn't be that way so but now when I look back I feel only sorry for her that this is what she went through this is so painful this is what it took her to fall asleep I can blame anything I can blame her and anything I feel only good of what I what I did the way I turned that out the way I realized it I said I was going it was just mames when you don't every day at the corner ask for it feichel it's the most important thing realize open your eyes it might not be pleasant to look you to look at your problem to face your problem and to deal with it it's not always pleasant but you have to do it this is our struggle in life to face your problems and deal with it accordingly now if you can stay focused on what weird you're trying to get and what you're looking to accomplish and don't look at any side matters you can be very successful and when I say side matters I mean even myself my own ego my own dignity I have to let go of that and it involves very much and if you think deeply and a lot of things that people do it's about saving their faith their own faith in today's world for sure and it's normal it's a normal instinct of a person it became worse in the past 20 30 years people today do many things for themselves they don't take in consideration that the true meaning and the true good of the person they are representing supposedly because it's such a world today it's a huge avoid I'm sure to disconnect yourself you go to shield you go to you go to work you meet your siblings you meet your family you meet everybody and and everybody is pointing rolling their eyes even if she's if the kid is not there or the kid is there especially when the kid is there but I'm sure it's it's it's still became a routine to disconnect the feelings from all the outside cameras and photographers and and analyzers I'm sure it was a very very big struggle it's probably one of the hardest struggles in the game in this in this saga in the beginning yeah in the beginning I was like in a cave in my own world I wasn't sharing anything with anyone and until I was approached by neighbors who probably meant well yeah um but what were they looking for the joke the cemetery is is a paved of the road of many people who meant well sadly but I can see I'm not judgmental against them as well because what they believed and they're scared they say that they are scared for their own kids they're gonna bring down the neighborhood and it's gonna ruin their kids I'm not so sure that this is really what they escape but it's an instinct people think oh this is gonna represent our neighborhood this is how the neighborhood is gonna start to look I don't want this in my neighborhood and people get all excited by it and I don't blame them it happens to me that some people think the opposite they said oh now my kids can see what what they should they should not look like if a girl has a shirt and wearing pants or a boy's wearing it like now wearing a couple or something like that so some people sell the kids you see him or her don't be like him or her I can tell you one thing that in the beginning where my daughter dropped out of school someone asked my younger daughter who was only nine at that time I'm afraid to hear it's very simple after a simple question are you jealous at your sister that she doesn't have to go to school and she gets away with anything so are you jealous at her and she answered no and when the person I didn't tell her anything and when the person asked her why and you know how about she answered she answered and this is what kids realize on their own you don't have to explain anything she said because my sister is not happy nine year old nine year old and she said I see she's not happy no one wants to follow no one looks to follow that there's no such a thing that one I can only say one thing if this kid if you try to control the situation what happened what ends up happening is that this kid feels isolated and because they can't follow rules they can't follow anything so every day it's about them and they target it and there's fights and they go back and forth and tension around them they feel they start feeling isolated now if a kid once a kid feels isolated as I said before the kid needs someone on their side so what are the what are the kids like these going to do trying to pull one other kid of the family to be with them someone should understand me someone should be my friend it's not gonna be my parents for sure it's not gonna be my parents it's not the whole family let me at least get someone on my side and this is when probably some people might pull other kids together together with them but if you stop that and you it's about them and you focus on that and there is no spite this is the first thing that flies out the window there is no dirty talking no cursing screaming and screaming no yelling there's calmness in the house automatically it brings a new atmosphere new and there's no thing my side her side so she has no need to pull someone and she's equally as everyone as is one small announcement many of you had the issue that you could not watch the podcast on a filtered phone and I really admire the people who took take upon themselves to have a kosher phone and stick to it so we just made big upgrades to our website let's talktachles.com and you're going to be able to watch directly the interviews without going through youtube enjoy and let's continue first stage a person has a shul and starts to realize where does he go to ask how does he bachlan know how to start going to professionals I know you have you had you have a rubber and you had a rubber in your life and and that it's not an easy situation for any rubber to control to the unfortunately this becoming more and more common unfortunately but like what do you do like boom a ton of bricks fell on my head what do you do one thing that we most realize is when you look in Arabic you don't find any halukh of such a situation so really go back and say the word Dastoyer I don't think that it's anywhere in the halukh something to refer to yeah but Dastoyer we believe has a special say out of the smile yeah maybe you had a story with one maybe you went to one of your rabbits or one of your people that had a certain opinion about this situation of how you should handle it and was it successful was it not like I'm sure I'm sure you didn't go on your honor with this thing well of course in the beginning as I said before I'm a vision to who's it and I went to the visions that I was going over a month see I was his who's it and when it all started and I realized that I'm going wrong it didn't take me long to realize that I'm going wrong and I and I someone mentioned to me about a man a guy very famous today Avi Fischoff and I was considering maybe going to him and at the beginning I was fighting the idea myself and I was saying this is crazy this is stupid this is the worst thing I can do to my house to let my kid do whatever she wants it's going to ruin my house it's all speculation now when I'm thinking back it's all theories speculation there's nothing really to establish it but this is how people think they because it goes back to a person when he feels that he loses control so automatically if I'm going to lose if I'm not going to be in control it automatically means that the whole house is going to go slipping it could be ruined and it's not when you don't tie you have this many in a go I'm going back to to a physical sickness in physical sickness you can see you cannot control the situation you do what actors tell you what professionals tell you but they can't control the situation you hope for the best and you hope for the best you hope for the best and same thing goes here it eats you out of the fire I'm sure a lot of tears when oh I was rolling in the middle of family in the beginning it was I couldn't face anyone I couldn't look anyone in the eye I was crying through nights it was not an easy me my wife we lost a lot sure this was nights of sleep and weeks of we didn't eat we didn't how long is this saga taking place ready so it started I would say 12 years ago wow yeah and we are where we are from the beginning when I was introduced to such a kind of a mahalich instead of pushing away right and instead of that some guy we fish off instead of pushing away you embrace you embrace and you learn what your child is going through it's trying to explain it to you so you live with what your child is going through the struggles of your child and you struggle with your child together so you really can embrace and you can really be in their bubble and in their world you can relate to them much better and build your relationship and build them up from the ground up and when I was introduced to that mahalich I really thought that this is crazy and I couldn't round my head around I couldn't wrap my head my head around such a crazy idea advice so when I started realizing that what I'm doing is wrong what's option B yeah really what's option A I know I would say is like this no it's plan B I always I have it always and in my signature in email I always write under my signature I always write my slogan life is all about how you handle plan B because this is what it is and I always said yeah people that go to Avi Fischoff no one comes their first choice everybody tries first to control the situation so nobody should think that people that go to him are the people that have normal situations and they choose rather than controlling their situation so they're so organized it's so planned yeah and no it's the people that tried people that failed and when they realized that they're really going bad from bad to worse and they want to open their eyes and face their dilemma and deal with it that's when they realize there is no other way so I went to the rabbi and I told him about it that my daughter is struggling and he was crying together with me I went over to Quittel it wasn't pleasant the rabbi was literally crying with me and he was like frantic what's what's going on and then I told him that I learned recently there's a new asking under black his name is Avi Fischoff what was the rabbi's opinion generally about such kids in the beginning I guess there I can't say that he had a general opinion because I hear so many stories yeah it visions itself how one person they told this way one person another and a lot of it I guess has to do the way a question was asked because we know people go to whatever for business questions and many times we hear stories of people they got the answer that they were looking for so for people that the situation of dealing with such a kid is tough on them and they think that by throwing out the kid they will get rid of the problem is right it will release them from the problem they all go to the rabbi and ask it in such a way that the rabbi should say throw them out of the house so when a person looks at the situation like something that is going to ruin his whole house and it's going to ruin the whole family because this is what he anticipates and he goes to the rabbi in the beginning yeah and he goes to the rabbi and he tells him oh I really don't have a kid that his mama's ruining my whole house that's going on in the house cursing and whatnot and of course the rabbi would say you know if it's ruining your whole house that everyone might say get rid of the kid it's ruining your house you can't let other kids fall because of this kid so that's in my humble opinion but I wasn't there when other people asked I can say that I was there once when I asked about one another of my child my children and I had a child that was also like a little bit struggling but not as bad as not as hard as this one but also struggling and I couldn't take it and it wasn't hard on me and I said to the rabbi I'm thinking of sending this child away and the rabbi said what was angry at me what are you talking about and I said I can't handle him this was after before the story of my daughter before and I told the rabbi and I said but the rabbi told this and this person to send away his child the rabbi told me you want to compare your child to that what are you doing so it wasn't a and I said then I realized you know it might be also that other parent asked the question difference I don't know I wasn't there but when I had a conversation the child is doing okay today the time the child Burqashem has a simple time living with a purpose with a vision on the future and talking about a future I'll get to it and hopefully soon but the way it looked in the beginning there was no talk of a future no it could not ever be brought up something about a future she never wanted to hear about ever getting married ever building a house ever discussing having children and now it's all about that Burqashem Burqashem has a future and can build a house has a lot of confidence so I can say that we build up our kid from ground up and Burqashem she's today she has a sense of humor either is generic other goes other goes viral yeah not some and she lost weight she is off drugs for the past it's almost two and a half years already she went once to rehab and I can say one thing that I can share that is not if you realize that you cannot control anything nothing you can control some people I know that pushed their children to go to rehab or to go to so even this even this you didn't push you didn't promote it never never how did it happen she she asked for it at the time yeah wow when I when you you can build up I think I think this is the bombshell of this part because of this interview if if the viewers are let's talk takhlas heard now something that the child that struggles so much and went through such pain such ups and downs such lonely nights such so much friction in the family came to a point of saying she wants to be helped with with drugs I think this is the biggest hiddish the biggest encouragement for suffering for families and people and parents itself and wow so in the beginning I think you can go home ready in the beginning it was all about whiskey and vodka she used to get drunk drunk this was normal and the radar she revealed that this is what she used to fall asleep and she used to get drunk beer everything alcohol she used to like drink like no tomorrow and she later got it off by herself when we you know we started building up and she got rid of that on her own but unfortunately it changed the drugs it started with weed and it went on to much much harder stuff and now it's ready probably a year or so that she also quit smoking on her own this was totally on her own and when she decided now she's so strong that when she decided to quit smoking she never once yet took a cigarette please tell that I'm very proud of her we all are and so are all the viewers from our from our podcast all very proud of her and I'm sure she's gonna now to be proud of her is nothing I was proud of her every day throughout these 12 years it wasn't one day when I was not proud of it and I really felt it she never embarrassed me wow as soon as I realized that I'm going in the wrong direction I can say in the beginning I was embarrassed but it was embarrassment it was everything but as soon as I realized and where I live and what I have to do to turn around and I realized it's that she's broken I wasn't embarrassed anymore wow amazing what a what a what a difference you know when it was funny part of the beginning it was me identifying with her meaning so there was a monsee grand opening when evergreen started the supermarket and it was a grand opening whole town came in yeah and I decided that day she wasn't dressed the way we are used to and I would go with her shopping meaning hand in hand and push the cart together with her and shop in the store while everyone looks and what I would do just look them back in their face I didn't even stare down to the floor I just stared back takes so much and you built her up it gave us so much strength that I can identify with her in public I used to hold her hands and go out from my house to my father's house and as soon as night to go say the sooner toy we she would only stick because she always stayed home she wouldn't wander around anymore when I want to be turned around and I would go hand in hand now the sooner envisioned it was the umpto that we had thousands and thousands of people came from all over the world and it was in front of everyone I had no embarrassment no nothing and I went with this was my pride I'm sure your wife is 100% locked in in the same my wife had the same situation and came to weddings let's say right and she was at the one side and my wife just held on to her hands and sat next to her identified I think almost the word spite came back in now despite all these people I'm going to show you that I'm strong and I'm wow this is unbelievable and you would think that people the the instinct is that you believe that you think that everybody will look down at me that I have such a child and it's the opposite when people see how you stand next and you stand with your child they only admire you I only got compliments never I was maybe told something I don't even remember it went in the one way it came into the other so the only uh hard situation was so I went to the vision ceremony I told them about this mahalik of Avi Fischhoff and I asked them if I should go to him and they said of course and I asked him for a brook and he gave me a brook and then I went to him later some neighbors they were all scared about the situation and what it's going to do to the neighborhood and people are also scared of the reflection beyond really so worried for their kids how the neighborhood is going to appear so this is the neighborhood we're and I can tell you one thing that if people would realize that if you can respect a child a broken child they're not desperate to bring in their own friends to get courage or to get chisik they're okay with the family and they're okay with neighbors if neighbors can get along with those kids there's no reason to shame them no reasons to embarrass them we're used to yell at them doesn't bring doesn't do anything it only makes them that they are looking out for support and who are they bringing for support people from outside and it's only going to make the situation worse I'll tell you a very scary story about even if it's not where we're talking now but it's something to make people aware I just heard of this matzashabas and I know the people involved I know the families and all the people I know at first hand and so the person that repeated to me the story told me the story that I knew was a kid that went south and neighbors didn't like it and they asked the father to move away and he didn't want of course why would I move so one neighbor started arranging that the neighborhood should come and protest so every night there were protests in front of that house can't handle neighbors coming one one neighbor was the leader the leader and the yelling move away shy kids whatever I don't know what exactly they'll be yelling years went by that family fell apart at the end no wonder and they moved away and but I'm talking years went by I'm talking about maybe over 20 years good over 20 years and the person that the leader of that group he himself has now a few kids off there and it was only recently when he realized that maybe I did something wrong he picked up the phone took some courage and picked up the phone and he called up that person his prior neighbor from years ago located him and started yeah and started begging him for mochile and he said you know would you forgive me I realized that I went wrong I was it wasn't the proper thing to do I want to ask you for mochile and he said I'll be honest with you I have a few kids now struggling not he not from and I realized might be because of this the man told him I want you to know that you ruin my whole family and I want you to know I want to know how many kids he has that are struggling and he said he gave him the number he said don't call me yet for mochile because I dove into a shem and this happened that you should have more than this and since you're not there yet I'm not gonna be more for you this is so painful it's scary just goes to show no one no half car and no no one knows I'm sorry I'm sorry this let's talk to us is the happy place I have to go back to Bokhashem do your successes you killed me now by the way you killed me but I want to go back to your successes and I want I want you to tell our people our viewers and listeners that as much as we dove as much as we beg the I should give us these challenges and see on us but how's the feeling when it happens give me a few words of courage for the people how strong they should be and how positive they should be and they should not let it drag them down please give us give us encouragement I'm I'm gone so I can tell you that all you can do with you don't want me to walk out on a wheelchair from this place you better build me back you do you have excellent record of rebuilding people you have to stay focused what you're trying to accomplish and what's your main goal here and remember that and don't think about anything else don't get turned away turned off and don't get distracted by what neighbors will say or parents or grandparents or anyone and it only brings commonness back in the family only builds up your family and it builds up your kid and the main sure what I was focused what I was focused is on a few things number one I was very strongly focused that my kid should not own anything to anyone else outside of me meaning she shouldn't have any Hakura Satoev and be desperate enough to ask someone on the street to provide anything to her and owe that person anything so I wanted to make sure whatever my child needs is coming from me and the only person she has a Kura Satoev to should be me well this prevented mommy and me yes and what this prevented and I'll tell you where I started and this is by letting my ego go when I first wrote a letter to her an apology letter you wouldn't believe what that apology entailed and what it included and I just realized when I saw once I realized that she wasn't in pain and she was broken I had to tell her that I feel sorry if I'm not realizing if I'm not apology for that period between when you discovered yes and till you started changing your style that's yes that's what it focused on right yes I took the blame I'm sure I know I know you I'm sure you were a great father generally speaking you and your wife are great parents all throughout you didn't become totally now you became smarter and but I'm sure you never did anything wrong to this kid before started happening so when the signs of things going bad is when you think that when you see that logic doesn't work every kid you don't think I realize right away yeah I'm telling my child you have to wake up on time you think the child doesn't know that I'm not telling them any news I'm telling him anything that is about structure yeah the child knows exactly okay they grew up exactly like the other kids they grew up together they grew up in a healthy fine normal home and as soon as you realize that this is out of logic and doesn't make sense you realize that with logic and with sense you will not get anywhere because the logic they have sense they have when they don't make sense and they lose logic you pushing logic into them doesn't change the situation just makes it worse just tell them just tell them what do you mean you can't tell them and you bring in spite you bring your fights you make them lonely you make them be alone and they try to pull other people and they need some support they'll get it and if they can't get it in the family and everybody's gonna get it outside and if anything they need they have ways to get it they'll get it unbelievable I think we can be all night but I'm so happy that we are we can conclude this amazing conversation in a positive note how I couldn't bear to interview a parent that is in the first phases I'll tell you what was my sometimes we have that's in order to jump up you saw what sometimes we have to bend down a little bit so you can get a better jump so by me my daughter gets life you can see a lot of those kids they need love to an uncontrolled and an unimaginable amount of love on the imaginary level so many of them they need dogs to survive because a dog is not judgmental and it gives you love to no end and this is what they need my daughter has a different thing that gives her mom's life and this is babies the smile that a baby gives her and the love that a baby gives is also a baby doesn't touch a baby loves you smiles back to you and she gets life from that so she used to work by a babysitter but all of her money all was gone she did not a cat not a penny was there plus I paid and helped and supported her all these years throughout the journey and in many many ways one day a from father came into the pick up his baby for that babysitter and he saw that how she was dressed and he told the babysitter he cannot let his baby a few months old he cannot let his baby be with such a girl over here so she has to tell my daughter to dress up so what do you think she dressed up right so my daughter came home and said my job is gone that's it so I told her of me and my wife sat down with her and we said you know what going forward let her go and you will start your own babysitting in our house unbelievable and she said I'm a shekse that's what she said I'm over food and a shekse who's going to trust me with their kid no one is going to give me a child to watch I'm on it's not going to happen it's impossible I said okay don't worry but it's not it's it's still worth trying it's not worth giving up and I can tell you what's today that as soon as people find out that they're going to have a baby they register with her she takes very responsibility so she's very responsible she only takes she has a helper now and she only takes up to I think 12 or 13 babies but this is her life and this gave her life my whole house throughout the week is turned upside down with clips play pens and whatever these campers battles to me everything and crying in the house baby's crying baby's happy and she's talking and walking and it's all about the kids and everything can I register my grandchildren by her and I'll drive them from Brooklyn to Marcy every day with pleasure and it all came to a halt a short stop at covid this was one of the saddest times the hardest times throughout this whole period watching her unravel she lost her whole appetite and life showed for weeks she wasn't bad she didn't bother coming out she had no purpose in life not coming out and it was horrible that situation and I felt to myself you know I saw I lived in vision as I said before and when this whole thing came about and neighbors started threatening me that they're going to make protests and stuff and I said you know what I'm moving away I sold my house my house was paid off my mortgage I was I lived with a tenant that paid me rent and paid off my taxes and my insurance I lived basically only paying utilities I lived free ready I sold my house I bought a new house now I'm paying mortgage again without any tenant I'm just a beautiful room for my daughter over there and I made it as comfortable as only imaginable for her I made it mom's a beautiful beautiful section that I built special for her and this is where she stayed in Borgesheim throughout all these years since I moved past covid she she restarted and then after all this moving and after all this sacrifice to have this thing go down collapse collapse I felt like where it is going to go now and that's when Shem that's when she realized that it's going to a bad situation and unless she takes it in the situation into her own hands nothing will happen she called me down one day to come to talk to her and I was sure that she's going to tell me that she's ending her life giving up she's giving up I didn't expect anything else and when I came down and she told me that she is looking for help and she wants to get out of this wow so getting from getting her to the fact that she herself it's a second a second bomb she'll be throwing at me I told you only I cannot handle that much she herself called out for help instead of giving up is unbelievable you get a lot of credit and you're giving a lot of people physics now if the baby's thing is back on are we back on right after covid it came back it goes full swing and it's mamma's mamma's every day you should see how she talks to the kid and how they talk back there they call me Zidie I'm sure you're on any click also grandchildren come in with Hashem there's a matzab always going on what a remarkable story it became the whole house became a calm house and a comfortable house where everybody's welcome and and even when she brings when she had to bring friends they are welcome rather than her her any she never has to wander off to anywhere because I rather have her inviting her friends over the comfort zone for him whatever she wants friends she can invite them over it's not a problem wow we have beautiful shabu's and she never misses a shabu's dish never misses a seed and everything I want to finish with one nice story yes so the when she went to rehab and she was she's going away for before him kipper she went she left her in kipper and she's going to come back and focus it was 10 days so she told me she says daddy you know that on the sickest I won't be home we used to sing every sickest we sing atua khatouni the vision is a song very nice atua khatouni and she loved it she has even now every shabu's she's the one who's been getting the kippet every shabu's friday night of singing manikha wa simkhul that's her song yeah she gets at the manikha wa simkhul and she starts a nice song and we sing and so we used to sing together atua khatouni and she told me that the young child she used to come sit on my lap when we were singing atua khatouni and she misses those times and now she's going to go to rehab we're able to sing atua khatouni wow the shashuna we don't sing atua khatouni it's not it's not a shashuna song it's for sickest so she says since i'm going to be missing you singing atua khatouni on sickest can we sing it now it's a shuna night that says of course come sit on my lap that she asked you want to sit on my lap the way she did it when she was a young child and she came she sat on my lap and together we sang atua khatouni this is what she needed before she went off to rehab there's no doubt that she's a very very high in the summer a special in the summer and i'm sure that i have a lot of anachas from her and i know i know that you have a lot of anachas from her i do i can tell you that nowadays she loves to identify with me so if we happen to be at the same time let's say in a supermarket i would be going through an aisle and i wouldn't even necessarily know that she's in the supermarket and she would suddenly see me from the other end of the aisle she would like question that not wrong yell from there everybody should see that she is my daughter and talk to me in jiddish wow tati the mindset i'm about days she's amazing and she wants to identify with she feels so good identifying with me well tell her again and on behalf of all the let's talk tachalist viewers that she's very special yes and we are very proud of her and i really want to thank you for coming here i know it was probably easy to to go public but i know the the tachalist because it's called the stock tachalist the tachalist the results will be amazing and i really really appreciate you coming here thank you for giving me the opportunity my pleasure