 Luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressable hair and Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay. Bring you Our Miss Brooke starring Eve Arden. Yes, it's time once again for Eve Arden and another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks written by Al Lewis. Well, for most of us it's considerably harder to get up early on winter mornings than it is during the summer. But this isn't the case with Our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School. Maybe I'm just being perverse, but if I found it any harder to get up early in the winter than I do in the summer, I'd sleep right through the spring. That's why Mrs. Davis, my landlady, had such a time waking me last Thursday morning. Connie, get up, Connie. Go away, Mrs. Davis. Come on now, you told me yourself that you wanted to get up at 6.30 sharp. I was lying. I can't understand what makes you so difficult to wake up. Oh, it must be because of my dream. Your dream? Yes, I dreamt I was out very late last night. Oh, you did go out with Mr. Boynton last night, didn't you? I had dinner with the bashful one, yes. Was it an exciting evening, Connie? It was a ripped snorter. When we got to the front door, Mr. Boynton apologized for keeping me out until the wee small hours. What time was it, Connie? Five minutes of ten. Of course, by the time he got finished saying goodnight, the way he says it, it was considerably later. What time was it then? Four minutes of ten. Well, I better take my shower and get dressed, Mrs. Davis. All right, Connie. Mr. Boynton isn't the most romantic fellow in the world, is he? So far, Cary Grant has nothing to worry about. Oh, this coffee was very good, Mrs. Davis. Oh, I'm glad you like it, Connie. Do you know what I put into the coffee grounds to get that flavor? Don't tell me I want another cup first. There we are. You want some? No thanks. I've been thinking about Mr. Boynton all morning. Why, Mrs. Davis, don't tell me I've got competition. Competition? Oh, of course not, Connie. Why, I'm old enough to be both your mothers. Oh, now please, Mrs. Davis, you mustn't split up over us. Oh, that must be Walter Denton. I can tell because there's still some food on the breakfast table. I'll get it. All right, Connie. I'm going out in the yard for a few minutes. I've got to try to fix that incinerator. The incinerator? What's the matter with it? It called on fire the other day. I'll tell you about it when I come back. Should be interesting. Be right there. Good morning, Walter. Correction, Miss Brooks, it's a wonderful morning. A delicious morning. A morning dripping with ecstasy. Well, trickle in, happy boy. What are you celebrating, Walter? Was Madison High swept out to sea by a tidal wave? Of course not, Miss Brooks. It's me that's being carried along by a tidal wave. A tidal wave of emotion unprecedented in one of my tender years. It's as if I discovered a hidden wellspring in the core of my being. You'll find a blotter in the whole closet. Come on into the dinette. I was just finishing a cup of coffee. Oh, I'd be happy to join you in a bit of breakfast, Miss Brooks. Sit down, Walter. How about a glass of milk? A glass of milk and a few pieces of coffee cake will be fine, thanks. I'm glad you brought your beaming face over so early today. Maybe you can loan me a pint or two of ecstasy. What's it all about? Well, it's Harriet, Miss Brooks. I'm really in solid with her. And all because of a fortunate accident that happened yesterday afternoon. What kind of an accident? Well, yesterday after school, she was in the garage looking for a tennis racket, and her father's car was in the way. Now, you know how finicky old Marblehead is about the... Mr. Conklin is about his car. I know he doesn't let anyone drive it. Drive it? He doesn't let anybody come within six feet of it if he can help it. He even parks it himself in parking lots. Why, I've heard him boast that since the day he bought it, his car has been untouched by human hands. How does he get it lubricated? And if you say by grease monkeys, I'll take away that cake. Oh, no, he does it himself, Miss Brooks. So you can imagine how nervous Harriet got when she tried to back it up a few feet in the garage, and the wheels were turned too sharply and bang! She put a neat dent in the fender. That's when I got the inspiration that will forever endear me to Harriet Conklin. What did you do? Smuggled her out of the country? Oh, no, Miss Brooks. I decided to take the rap for what she'd done. Instead of obeying my normal natural impulse to run like a crook, I decided to face Mr. Conklin and take the blame. But, Walter, Mr. Conklin isn't too fond of you as it is. I'll say he isn't. He can't stand the sight of me. But as I say, Miss Brooks, I was inspired. So I went around to the front of the house, I strode boldly up the porch steps, and faced Mr. Conklin's face, face to face. In the picture, let's face it. Sure, I said, you're not going to like this, but the fender of your car has just been dented. And it was I, Walter Denton, who did the dentin'. You've been reading too much Ogden Nash. What did Mr. Conklin say to that, Walter? He said, Denton, I admire your honesty. That's all he said? Not another word, not another syllable. He just extended his hand and shoved me down the steps. I knew there was some sort of punctuation. But as I landed in the yard below, I felt a warm glow spreading around my heart. I questioned the geographical accuracy of that remark. Now it's the truth, Miss Brooks. I saw a look in Harriet's eyes. She helped me up that seemed to say, Walter Denton, I am forever your slave. And you know something, Miss Brooks? That system would work for you too. But Walter, I can't be your slave. The Board of Education has a priority. No, I'm talking about Mr. Boynton. Now, if you want to get in solid with him, all you've got to do is just what I did. What? Let Mr. Conklin shove me down the steps? No, Miss Brooks, take the rap for some jam that Mr. Boynton gets into. But Mr. Boynton doesn't get into any jams. He could possibly take any raps for him. Maybe a jam could be arranged for Mr. Boynton. Mrs. Davis? I couldn't help but hear your conversation, Connie. You couldn't? No, I had my ear to the keyhole. Walter, I want you to know that I think you've got a wonderful idea there. Oh, thanks, Mrs. Davis. Now, it shouldn't be too tough to figure out a way to get Mr. Boynton into some kind of trouble at school. Then you could take the blame for him and he'd be so grateful that he wouldn't know what to do for you first. But I bet you could tell him. But that would be framing a perfectly innocent man. But it's for his own good, Connie. He's just too shy to realize that you two were meant for each other. Now, it's quite early yet, so before you start out for school, let's all sit quietly and try to figure out the best possible scheme. Swell, we'll all concentrate. I've got it. What is it? I'll borrow Mr. Boynton's cigarette lighter and leave it in the principal's office as evidence. His cigarette lighter? What good would that do? Oh, I forgot to tell you. First, I'd set fire to Mr. Conklin. Our Mr. Brooks, starring Eve Arden, will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith. Now, dental science reveals a startling discovery in the fight against tooth decay. Proof that always using Colgate dental cream right after eating helps stop tooth decay before it starts. Research, hundreds of case histories makes this the most important news in dental history. Eminent dental authorities supervised hundreds of college men and women for over a year. One group always brushed their teeth with Colgate right after eating. The other followed their usual dental care. And here are the amazing results. The group using Colgate dental cream as directed showed a startling reduction in average number of cavities, far less tooth decay. The other group developed new cavities at a much higher rate. No other database offers proof of these results. And Colgate contains all the necessary ingredients, including an exclusive patented ingredient for effective daily dental care, no risk of irritation to tissues and gums, and no change in flavor, foam, or cleansing action. As always, Colgate cleans your breath while it cleans your teeth. The Colgate, now at your dealers, is the same formula used in the tests. We always use Colgate dental cream right after eating to help prevent new cavities. Help stop tooth decay before it starts. Well, we arrived at school in plenty of time for me to try out the Walter Denton plan for obtaining the gratitude of the object of one's affections. Or as Walter so romantically put it, get him in the jam, take the wrap, and you got him in your pocket. Anyway, I headed directly for Mr. Boynton's biology lab that Mr. Conklin's disposition wouldn't be improved, any, by the Denton his fender. I glided very carefully past his office. But I guess I wasn't careful enough. Ms. Brooks. Morning, Mr. Conklin, on our toes this morning, aren't we? Yes, we are, especially you. It's just that I didn't want to disturb you, sir. Very considerate of you. Now, if you don't mind Ms. Brooks, you can put your shoes on and step into my office. There we are. Have a seat. Thank you, sir. As you know, Ms. Brooks, I have high blood pressure. Yes, sir, I know. Sometimes when you get excited, your face gets so red it looks like a little... Never mind. Never mind the little word pictures, Ms. Brooks. I know how I look when I get excited. What I wanted to tell you is that I saw you stepping out of Walter Denton's car this morning. Oh? I saw you stepping out of Denton's car almost every morning when you come to school, and it rather fascinates me. What does? Well, you see, sometimes I park my car right in front of school. Sometimes a few yards to the right of it, and sometimes halfway down the block. But do you know something, Ms. Brooks? No matter where I park it, Denton always manages to pull up alongside of it so that when you get out of his car, you have to slide your body the entire length of my car, making nick after nick in the paint job. I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Conklin. I had no idea I was so abrasive. Well, it's not deliberate, I'm sure. But every third Sunday when I Simonize my car, I... I find a little nick here, a little nick there, here a scratch, there a scrape. Everywhere a scratch scrape. I mean, I can understand you're being annoyed, Mr. Conklin, but... I'm glad. You see, Ms. Brooks, to me, a man's car is a most personal possession. As personal, you might say, as his toothbrush. Well, in the future, Mr. Conklin, you can rest assured that I'll make every effort not to bump into your toothbrush... car. Thanks, Ms. Brooks. Oh, before you go, there's one more thing. Yes? Make a little effort to avoid bumping into Mr. Boynton so often, too. You know how I stand on fraternization between faculty members? Mr. Boynton, and me? Well, I just put it out of your mind, Mr. Conklin. That's a thing of the past. Oh, really? Of course. Why, if I were the only woman in the world and Mr. Boynton was the last man on Earth... Yes, Ms. Brooks? I'd like to leave a call for Tuesday. So you see, Mr. Boynton, although I don't like to lecture, these little visits have just got to stop. That's all there is to it. Why, Ms. Brooks, I... I don't think you're dropping into my lab like this. Well, that's the end of that lecture. Any questions? Oh, honestly, I don't see why Mr. Conklin so strict about teachers passing the time of day once in a while. What harm does it do? Well, it does slow up our work, some, I suppose, although I haven't anything urgent to do at the moment. In fact, I was just doodling on this scratch pad. You see, it's a sketch of one of my white mice. Say, that's very cute. How is everything with you, Mr. Boynton? Fine, Ms. Brooks. No trouble on the horizon at all? That is, everything sailing along smoothly for you? Smooth as silk? Oh, let me have that mouse you just drew and that pencil. Thanks. Now, when I put this little mustache on him, who does it remind you of? Oh, gee, I don't know. Here, I'll give you a hint. There. Well, when you put his name on it, it does look quite a bit like Mr. Conklin. Say, that reminds me, I've got some reports to turn into him this morning. Oh, I'll do it for you. I'm going right by his office. Are you sure it's no trouble? Trouble is my opportunity. I mean, I'll be glad to leave these reports for you. See you later, Mr. Boynton. All right, Ms. Brooks, and thanks. Now, I better tear up that drawing with Asgut Conklin's name. I don't know. He might... Well, now, that's funny. It disappeared. Oh, Ms. Brooks, just a minute. What is it? What's that you're stuffing in the envelope with my reports? Please, Mr. Boynton, I never stuff. Let's see that a minute. But, Mr. Boynton, if you don't get reports in prompted to Mr. Conklin, he gets furious. Ms. Brooks, look at this picture. Eek, a mouse. Yes, and with a moustache. Now, I wish you'd tell me what he's doing in there with my reports. Maybe there's some cheese in the envelope. This is no laughing, Madam, Ms. Brooks. I could have gotten into a fine jam with Mr. Conklin. Yes, it could have been a beauty. But there's no harm done, Mr. Boynton. I would have discovered it before I got to Mr. Conklin's office, and I... Well, you don't think I intentionally... Mr. Boynton, how dare you accuse me of what I just did? Well, over here, Ms. Brooks. I just saw Mr. Boynton at the other end of the cafeteria. Well, if you must know, Harriet, I'm staying away from Mr. Boynton because of your father. Oh, Daddy won't be up to the cafeteria today. He's been terribly upset since I did a disfender yesterday. Walter Denton took the blame for it, though. He's just an angel, Ms. Brooks. Yes, I heard he flew down the steps beautifully. But ever since it happened, Daddy's been on a rampage. He's positive he's got an ulcer. Really? Can he afford one? I mean, I'm sorry to hear it. Daddy called the cafeteria a little while ago and had them prepare a special lunch for him to eat in his office. Plain broth and a whole boiled chicken. Walter's bringing the tray over from the steam table now. I promised Daddy I'd bring it right down to his office. Well, here we are, Harriet. This ought to stop the old lion from growling for his vitals. Oh, hiya, Ms. Brooks. Hello, Walter. Thanks, Walter. I'll rush it right down to him. Oh, just a minute, Harriet. I was just thinking. I've got to go back to my room for a minute. Why don't you stay here and eat your own lunch and let me take the tray for you? Well, well, that's very nice of you, Ms. Brooks. Oh, it's nothing at all, Harriet. Here, give me the tray, Walter. Are you sure you'll drop it right in Daddy's office? Nothing would give me greater pleasure. Walter, will you walk out of the cafeteria with me for a moment? Oh, sure, Ms. Brooks. Excuse me, Harriet. Certainly, Walter, dear. See how nice she is to me. How are you doing, Ms. Brooks? Think of any way to get Mr. Boynton into a jam? I think I've got an idea, Walter, but you've got to help me. Yeah? While he's out, I want you to take this tray into Mr. Boynton's laboratory. Just put a little note on it saying compliments of the cafeteria. And whatever you do, don't mention this to Harriet. But, Ms. Brooks, this lunch belongs to Mr. Boynton at Walter. His office is just a few doors down the hall. You started me on this thing. Now the least you can do is cooperate. Well, okay, Ms. Brooks, I'll put it in the lab right away. But I sure hope you know what you're doing. I sure hope you get your hope. Oh, what is it? May I see you for a moment, Mr. Conklin? Oh, come in, come in. There's something I'd like to tell you, sir. Very well, but be brief. Oh, I will. I know this is your feeding time. A lunch time. It is past my lunch time. The tray I ordered should have been here a half an hour ago. Well, that's what I came in to talk to you about. It might be some sort of a prank, and although I'm not the one to go in for informing, Mr. Conklin. Prank? Who took my lunch? I don't know, I'm sure. But I thought if you wanted me to, I could inspect some of the laboratories, the classrooms, and see who the, who the guilty party might be. A splendid suggestion, Ms. Brooks. Only instead of you inspecting the lab, I'll do it myself. Yourself? Oh, but you're not a well man, Mr. Conklin. You, you can't leave this office now. Step aside, Ms. Brooks. I'm going to locate my lunch or else. I'm glad you got to class before any of the others, Walter. I'm in the spot. Have it, Ms. Brooks. When I had you put that lunch tray in Mr. Boykin's lab, I wanted him to see it before I transferred it to my room and told Mr. Conklin that somebody had played a prank on me. I know, Ms. Brooks. But Mr. Conklin insisted on making the rounds himself, and now, Walter, isn't that the lunch tray on my desk? Yeah, that's what I've been trying to explain, Ms. Brooks. Mr. Boykin already had lunch, so when he found it in the lab, he brought it down here to your room. He said he wanted to treat you. Oh, fine. Well, there's no time for any more schemes now. I'd better sneak his lunch into Mr. Conklin's office while he's out looking. Oh, there's something else I've got to explain, Ms. Brooks. Although Mr. Boykin had his lunch and I knew you'd had yours, I didn't have mine, so rather than take a chance of getting caught in the hall with it, I ate it. Let's see it. Oh, there's nothing left but a skeleton. I've got to get rid of this tray immediately. Quick, Walter, open the window. I'll take these dishes and lower them out. Just a moment, Ms. Brooks. What's that you're holding in your hand? For all practical purposes, my death warrant. Can you see, Mr. Conklin? Silent! Put it down on your desk, please. Thank you. So you wanted to hunt through the classrooms yourself, eh? A very clever red herring, Ms. Brooks, but it just didn't work. I'll deal with you later, of course. But for now, I'll just take my lunch and... my lunch. What happened to it? This chicken is nothing but skin and bones. He's been working very hard lately. Please, Mr. Conklin, I'll explain it all later. I'll think of something. Just go to your office and relax. Why, I'll bring you a tray that'll make you feel like a million dollars. There's only one thing I want you to bring me on a tray, Ms. Brooks. And that's your head! Oh, I'm certainly glad school's over, Mr. Boyden. I thought this day would never end. Well, me too. It was in a pretty bad mood, wasn't it? I can't understand it. He's got such a fine teaching staff, you'd think he'd be happy. Well, here's my car, Ms. Brooks. If you haven't made any other plans, that is, I thought maybe if you didn't have a ride with some other... well, would you like me to... I'm already in, Mr. Boyden. Oh, fine. I'll get in. Now we're just... Uh-oh, I seem to be jammed in between two cars here. Oh, it is pretty tight. Bumper to bumper. I just have to start my motor and push the car in front of me a bit. Why do people persist in leaving their cars in gear? You've got enough room now, Mr. Boyden. You can stop pushing the car in front of you. I have stopped. The car is rolling by itself. Ms. Brooks, what'll I do? There's nothing you can do. Maybe it'll stop by itself. That's the first time I've been right today. Come on. Oh, look at that fender crumpled like an accordion. Well, let's see who the car belongs to. Ms. Brooks, can you see the certificate on the steering wheel? Quite clearly, Mr. Boyden. It says, and I quote, Osgood Conklin. Osgood Conklin. Well, I guess I'll have to face the music. You wait right here, Ms. Brooks. I'm going in and report this to Mr. Conklin. Well, that's a fine insurance company you're with, Gibbons. I'm sorry, Mr. Conklin, but our inspector looked at the fender this morning and he says the dent can be hammered out for about $40. But I don't want it hammered out. I want a new fender. What am I paying insurance premiums for? Sorry, Mr. Conklin, a new fender would cost over $150 and the dent you have doesn't justify it. Since your policy is a $50 deductible, you'll have to stand the expense yourself. Bye. But Mr. Gibbons, Mr. Gibbons, Mr. Gibbons, Mr. He hung up on me. Well, of all the colossal nerve. Oh, pardon me, sir. What do you want, Boyden? I wish to report an accident, sir, an automobile accident. Automobile accident? Anybody hurt? Not yet. You see, sir, it was your car. My car? Yes, sir. You had me locked in at the curb and I had to give it a little push and the brake wasn't on and, well, it didn't stop till it hit a tree. A tree? What happened to it? Oh, nothing happened to the tree, Mr. Conklin. But your fender, it's just... Smashed up pretty good, Boyden. Mangled. Really wrecked, eh? Boyden, that's wonderful. Wonderful. You mean you're happy about it? Well, of course. I'll show that insurance company they... Oh, wait a minute. That fender couldn't be hammered out, could it? Oh, definitely not. And a boy, Boyden! Don't forget this, my boy. You've done me a real turn. Don't you see? I had a little dent in the fender, and the insurance company wouldn't replace it. But now they'll have to. Do you hear me? They'll have to! Wait. Mr. Conklin, you're barking at the wrong tree. I mean, I alone am responsible for what just happened to your car. You? But Mr. Boyden said... Never mind what Mr. Boyden said. Now, see here, Miss Brooks, there's no necessity for you to go... Itch's name, Mr. Boyden, I'll handle this. No, Mr. Conklin, I know you're angry at me as it is, but I cannot let an innocent person try to shield me. You can go now, Mr. Boyden, leave here a free man. But, Miss Brooks, you don't... You can thank me some other time. Tonight, say... I don't understand. Why are you trying to take credit for this, Boyden? Credit? Credit? Look, Mr. Conklin, I don't understand. A lot of things have happened here today, so if you'll excuse me, I'll take Miss Brooks' suggestion and leave here a free man. Mr. Boyden, I don't... Now, what's the matter with him? What difference does it make who did what as long as I'm pleased? Miss Brooks, you have no idea what you've just done for me. You're so right. And you, Mr. Conklin, have no idea what I have just done to me. But I told you I'm not angry. Why are you still up a tree? If an English teacher may correct a principle, Mr. Conklin, it isn't a tree that I'm up. What I'm up and without a paddle is a creek. Gordon, as our Miss Brooks returns in just a moment, but first... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. Tonight, yes, tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Luster cream, world's finest shampoo. No other shampoo in the world gives K-Dumont's magic blend of secret ingredients plus gentle aniline. Not a soap, not a liquid. Luster cream shampoo leaves hair three ways lovelier. Fragmently clean, free of loose dandruff, glistening with sheen, soft, manageable. Even in hardest water, luster cream lathers instantly. No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo. So gentle, luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair. Tonight, yes, tonight, try luster cream shampoo. Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, I corralled Mr. Boynton before he got into his car again and explained that I thought he was in trouble and was merely coming to his rescue. Well, I'm afraid I don't approve of such a roax, Miss Brooks. You see, I've always liked to stand on my own two feet. It's a trait I inherited from my father. Really? Yes, Miss Brooks. I've gotten where I am today without the help of any woman. I'm rather proud of that, and so is my father. Mr. Boynton, could I have his address? His address? What for, Miss Brooks? I want to send your father a card on Mother's Day. Next week, coming to another Our Miss Brooks show, brought to you by Luster Cream Shampoo for soft, glamorous, caress-able hair and Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Doctors prove you too may have a lovelier complexion in 14 days. Yes, 36 leading skin specialists proved in tests on 1,285 different women that a new method of cleansing with palm olive soap, using nothing but palm olive, brought new complexion beauty to two women out of three. Just wash your face three times daily with palm olive soap, each time for 60 seconds, massaging palm olive's beauty lather onto your skin, then rinse. So start your palm olive facials today. See what palm olive soap can do for your complexion in just 14 days. The people in war-torn countries will be increasingly hungry, cold, and ill with the coming of winter. You can help them by sending care packages, care packages include vital food, clothing, blankets, care guarantees, delivery. Just send $10 to CARE, New York. For mystery liberally sprinkled with labs, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North Tuesday evening over most of these same stations, and be with us again next week at the same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. Bob LeMond speaking. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.