 Um, I was listening to a podcast the other day, uh, by a sex therapist and he was talking about how there are two different desires, uh, that people don't understand are at play in our sexual relationships, which is that statistically more women usually have what's called receptive desire and more men have what's called initiative desire, which means that we all know this, but men are just ready to go. Right. And so they're, they are prone to initiate because they're ready. But a woman usually has initiative or a receptive desire, which means she's a neutral and it's the man's job to bring her to go. Ooh, right. One of the cruel jokes of nature and I think in a lot of ways, God is a comedian as men age, we lose testosterone, testosterone dictates libido, sex drive. As women age, I think up until menopause or maybe even beyond menopause, they gain sex drive. So the horniest a man is going to be is like 20 years old, but a 20 year old woman isn't the horniest she's going to be. That's usually around 30, 35, 40, because her body is in crunch time and she's like, we got to have a baby. And I say that because, you know, sex drive, libido, it differs from person to person. There are some women who are naturally more enthusiastic about sex. Other women are naturally less enthusiastic about sex and the same goes with men. However, I think this benefit of doubt that we're giving women is unfair because I don't think it would be given to men. And I appreciate these brothers for attempting to give the benefit of doubt. You know, women have receptive desire, men have initiative desire. Even if I was to go with that premise, the reality is if your woman is enthusiastic about you, not just about who you are on paper, but it's about you and you do it for her, she will also have initiative desire. And it's tragic that a lot of men don't ever experience that because, again, a lot of men are reared to have a cat and mouse perspective on what love with the woman is supposed to be. You're constantly proving yourself, you're constantly chasing her, you're constantly reassuring her, and she is constantly responding to you constantly trying to prove yourself. When the reality is when a woman wants you, she will also have initiative desire. Again, I think part of the reason why brothers like this lose a lot of boys and men is the fact that they are continuing to normalize this idea that women's shortcomings, however they might appear, whether sexually or whether emotionally or dispositional shortcoming, is simply just a reaction or reflection of you. Other than a reflection of her. If your wife is not enthusiastic about having sex with you, bro, she doesn't see you as that dude. She's not attracted to you. Let's start there. Because when a woman does see you as that dude, when a woman is attracted to you, you won't have to beg her to have sex with you. Sex won't just be relegated to your birthdays and special occasions. And the fact that we've established this as the norm and we give women all the benefit of the doubt in the book as to why they don't have sexual desire for their man, because they're not being honest enough to say that you're really not the man that I want because I have shame around what I actually want. What I actually want doesn't actually look good on paper. But I'm in the church or I'm in corporate America, whatever the case may be. So I have to want this good paper guy, but he's actually not what turns me on. And maybe I need to work out and work through what actually turns me on and why that turns me on. And if it should turn me on, or maybe I need to go that way instead of settling for the safe guy and making him exist in this constant hamster wheel of perpetually proving himself, knowing that he never can. Right. So is it that I need healing or is it that I need humility? And I think when you dig into both of those, then I think that helps us to work through sexual issues. Healing and humility can go a long way. Yeah. I posted the other day and it said, brothers, listen, if your girl is not enthusiastic about being a freak for you, it's because you're not him. And obviously that's an over oversimplification, you know, it's a crass way to put it. But there is some truth to that. And it breaks my heart that most men will never experience being quote unquote him in any large or small context. Because a lot of these things that are difficulties, you know, my wife doesn't want to have sex with me. My girlfriend is, you know, prudish in the bed. When a woman is actually like mesmerized by you, those things do not happen. So I think part of this conversation should be men demanding more, primarily from themselves. Because you have to become him. And then you have to also understand that settling for a woman who doesn't see you as him is beneath you. And the fact that we continue to try to normalize this breaks my heart. And we wonder why men aren't enthusiastic about marriage. Men aren't enthusiastic about long-term partnership. Literally everything in media, even from movies, rom-coms, cartoons, The Simpsons, the whole nine. Everybody loves Raymond. King of Queens is all depictions of a guy who is less than intelligent, who lucked up and got a woman way out of his league and is constantly trying to prove that he's good enough. And constantly being bailed out or being guided by this great woman that he doesn't actually deserve. During his birthdays and anniversaries, he's lucky if he gets sex or he has to get on his knees and beg her for a blow job. That's the paradigm. It's not the paradigm of a guy who like, yeah, he got a good woman, but he could have got another one. And a part of her knows that and she admires him. It breaks my heart that a lot of men do not know what it feels like to actually be admired by a woman. A lot of these difficulties and these differences that we have would not exist. The reality is if she is not enthusiastic about having sex with you, even when she's having sex, she's not a freak. She doesn't see you as that guy. We need to default to that understanding. And again, there is some benefit of the doubt to be given. Maybe she has some sexual trauma and things that she needs to work through. However, the reality of women is and real female pathology. When you are him, she will surrender naturally. So you might be him, but you might not be her him. 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