 Pull the foreskin back, then wash it. It's not hard. You're 30 years old. I'm not doing it anymore. Are we live, man? 20 countries. I do it a lot less every time. Significantly less every time. I'm sorry, man. OK, what countries have dropped out? Um, Afghanistan. Fuck, man. Afghanistan can get fucked if they don't want to hear this. All right. Fuck you guys. How's that? Oh, Mozambique. Was that a country? That's a pretty name. I like that. That's a person. Mozambique is a guy. Mozambique. Mozambique, yeah. Mozamb, and then his last name is Beak. Fuck off. No, it's an actual person. Yeah, it's a country. Mozambique, I like that. He found Mozambique found in the country. It's in the off. It's in the Encyclopedia, isn't that, man? Don't you know that? I can't. Episode number 19 with episode 99 overall. So next week will be 100. I'll have to do something special. I just got a message from Jaden Prasad, and he said, I'm Charmie's brother. You with the one of these emojis. Oh. That's the fuck that he texts you, man. That's disgusting. I think because I always make it out like that. So he's using it. It is fact, though. Yeah. Episode number 99. So next week's our 100th. I think we're going to try and interview Pritchard from Dirty Sanchez if we can. Organize it for our 100th, because that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Dude, he'd be so rad to talk to you. He's a bit of a hero of ours growing up, wasn't he? Michael's eating dick candy. What's happened the last week? The fuck has happened? You saw family over the weekend? I saw family. I wanted to see you well. I thought I met my nephew, but I've met him before. Could not believe it. My sister's like going off at me like, dude, you fucking met him before. Anyway, I called my ex-girlfriend. She's gone now. I'm alone. Anyway, I was like, dude. Have we met my nephew before? Dude, don't watch that dick. Anyway, when they're a baby, I realized you don't even fucking you forget about them because they're like they're a baby. They all look the same. All of the babies are the same, apart from ugly ones. Some are fucking minging. Oh, my God, I've like a kid. Yeah, a kid I used to coach that he's out a little brother. Looked like it was out of a horror film. Yeah, some of them are fucking disgusting. It was like this big. It was like an alien. Anyway, getting off topic. I'm like fat and shit. Yeah, it fucks me off. But now, now he can walk. I was like, holy shit, it's the first time I've met him because I just thought he can. It's a different human. It's a different human now. I get it. Yeah, but now and then sister's like, the fuck you don't remember? I was like, no, I had no idea. And then I called my ex-girlfriend and she's like, yeah, you dickhead. You've met him and yeah. And then next time you meet him, he'll be able to talk. So it's like meeting him again. He has, I know. And then next time after that, he'll be driving you like, oh, hey, man, I'm Michael, nice to meet you, man. Cause it's a new human. It's like an animal, a caterpillar when it builds a cocoon, it comes out of butterfly. You haven't met the butterfly. You met the caterpillar. Holy fuck, did we just figure out some big shit? Man, write it down. If you're listening, maybe make a note of that because that's pretty good. Holy fuck. Anyway, it was fun. I had a good time. I went to SeaWorld. SeaWorld is a shit hole. Do not go there. There's like three rides. One was shut down. Very boring, but it was nice with family. It was nice with family. Did you stay there? Nara resort? Is that what it is? Yeah, dude. And it was actually all right. But the SeaWorld itself, the theme park is shit. Sorry. Yeah, it's meant for kids. Of course it's fucking shit. I got glue all over the back of my fucking head. Marty's balding. Bald spots. Can you see that? Can you see my bald spots? I had hair on my hand. We're filming this fucking stupid video at the moment where we put super glue on our fucking hands and then put the super glued hand on each other. And Michael grabbed the back of my fucking head today. We got Matthew Brown as he walked in. Ha ha ha ha. Gave him a little handshake. That'll be out right now if you want to go and watch it. If you want to pause this, we'll wait, especially Matt. Matt, we'll wait right now. Speaking of, we should probably get to our sponsors. Oh, fucking, all right. Oh, this podcast is proudly brought to you by Manscaped. Oh, Manscaped. Buy all your mail grooming products from manscaped.com. They're really good. Use that discount code fully actual 20. It's changed from fully actual. It's fully actual 20 after. And they got mail grooming products. If you need some, you might as well get 20% off use that discount code. They got heaps of cool shit. Just go and have a look, OK? I don't know all the products, OK? I don't have them written down. Right, but there's a lot. They give you a little bag. It's cool. Yeah, they give you some cool wipes. They give you some good undies. Yeah, I like it. No, it's not too bad. And of course, this podcast is proudly brought to you by the University of Michael, our subscription website, where we post 20 to 30 minute weekly vlogs, right? They're fucking little movies. Every single one of them just behind the scenes of our lives. And we just, you just get to fucking know us all a bit better. We're going over to Matt's mom's house tomorrow night and we're going to interview her. We interview Julian's mom. I think we said this last week and we found out all the goss on why Julian is so. Yeah, and you found out that you have a thing for Julian's mother? No, I just. Yeah, yeah. I think she's cute because she just seems like such a nice person. You want her to nurture you doing this? Brest, that's my own breasts. You know, you see? No, I just feel like she'd be. She would have done a good job tucking Julian in and Julian fucked up somehow. It wasn't your fault, Julian's mom. Have you fantasized about her? No, I'm just fucking. I like the fact that she's got a sweet voice and his voice. No, you fantasize about getting tucked in. I think I just want like someone to take care of me for the rest of my fucking life. For the rest of my life. Same same thing, right? Yeah, exactly. But yeah, and also on the university, it's not just fucking behind our lives. We do all the fucked up shit. We do some really like get away with some stuff that we probably shouldn't even ever talk about. It's fucking disgusting. No, it's not. We fucking fixed them and so already grows some of the things we do. It's not right. We threw some poo around the other day. Yeah, it's always the shit always seems to make it. Well, we're building a bit. Scapped, we're building a fucking trying to build a slingshot at the moment. It's fucking hard, dude. We are slingshotting. I'm shitting in a bag again. Well, fuck's sake. We're freezing the sling in your shit. Dude, let's slingsling it. Shit sling. Slitch slingslingers can't. Where the fuck cut the slingslingers? Slingsling. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, we got a fucking good episode in store for you. Fuckers, we got I'm going to prank call a sex worker at the end of the episode. We got P.O. Boxing. You guys sent some shit in. We got a fuckload of questions. Thank you, everyone who's writing in all the commenting all the questions. We there's more and more each week. So we're going to try and get through as many as we can and keep the comments coming. If you can't support us in any other way, it's very easy. It's very easy what you have to do. All you have to do is just push the like button, the thumbs up thing, and the subscribe one if you feel like it, and just comment the best if you can't think of a constructive comment to write. That's so easy. I know. And then we can keep doing this and we say, oh, look, we're getting a few more views this week. And then we get all excited and you get all sexual. You get all sexual. And then we keep doing the podcast. Yeah. Anyway, let's have a look at my shit stain seat. All right, let's show everyone. It's kind of they see anymore. Don't rub it on me or anything. You see that, Matt? Yeah, that's fucked up. I just wanted to show Mr. Brown. We posted a TikTok last week. It's on like 19 million views. And it's just nice to get some views again because fucking Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, reach restrictions all over the fucking joint. We posted stupid little dog video and it gets fucking 19 million views. Yeah, what the hell? But it makes sense. TikTok, it's like PG, more people eyes on it. Do you know what's not PG, though? Matt's fucking diary. Oh, I'm so excited. I would say that your diary entries are 18 plus. Why is it not PG now? Well, how about we have a read and find out? You fucking disgusting pig. Have a dick. You are fucking disgusting, Matthew. Yeah, we're still enjoying the dick candy that someone sent in. Can't remember. Pop a dick in your mouth. All right. Diary entry. I touched my shit. Diary entry number 101 from Michael Corey Brookhouse. I touched the shit seat just so you know. When I piece it dribbles out like a half blocked tap. When I shit, it comes out like a higher pressure fire hose. I'm learning about myself. This is so true. You have more pressure from your arse than you do your dick. Yeah, what's that? That's a sign of like fucking... The plumbing's all fucking backwards or some shit can't. It's fucking blocked and you're shooting back the other way. You need rewiring. Yeah, you need a finger in there, man. All the way to your dick. I've been shitting way better since eating healthier. I remember every single shit used to be liquid. Yeah, I remember. We painted some bowls in our days. We still do, but it's like hardened. It's like hard poo on around the edges. Diary entry number 89 from Marty. Today, someone started a roommate school that I'm homeless. People were offering me food, so I saw them picking it out of the bin. I said no thanks, and then they threw sand at my back when I walked away. Today was a pretty good day. Dude, it's so fucking true. Because he used to like fucking try and scunge food from everyone. I would. My mother never made me lunches, and then I was too lazy to make it myself by the time I got to high school. And you were fucking poor when you first got here. Yeah, so I just fucking come to school, and I would beg at lunchtime. After a while, I had a few people I'd go to, and they'd give me something out of their lunch that they didn't like every day, and they'll build my own little lunches. You did that at a dinner one night. It led me open to some severe pranking and bullying. So it was these guys, some mates of mine, they were like, oh, here's a sandwich for you, Marty, and then I was eating it. And then they all started pissing themselves laughing. And then they're like, oh, there's dog food on there, and I open it up and there's wet dog food on there. But then I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to keep eating it so it's not funny anymore, and it fucking worked. I ate the whole thing in front of them, and they're like, oh, fuck. Dude, he still has it in his blood to this day. If you are at a restaurant and you have leftovers, he'll eat it. I get scared because other mouths have touched it. The spoon's been back in after it's hit your mouth. It freaks me out. I can't have leftovers anyway. Surviving is more important than germs. Germans have a natural scavenger instinct after them after the war. It's been built in after the war. They're like a hungry dog. They got it like they were top pin. Then they went to the bottom of the world real quick after the Russians came in. And then now they're fucking scavengers. That's quite offensive, but all right, yeah. I remember in the dark days, Marty did come to a dinner and he's like, I'll just see what ends up on the table. He wouldn't even order food. But people would have chips and half-eaten bows. When you go to a restaurant, most of the time someone leaves something on their plate, whether it be a bit of a salad, a couple of chips in there, some grizzly bits of steak that no one wants to eat. They're a bit too chewy or something. So I'm like, there's fucking food there, cunt. Oh, man, I wish I didn't take a shit before. Now I can't fart. He was saving them and everything. Diary entry number 30 from Julian James Tennyson Woods from Ashgrove or some shit. 460 till I die. Today was sick. I got suspended from school for drawing a dick and balls on the girl's toilet door. But fucking, I don't know who snitched on me, but I will find out and I will kill him with a stick of sharpened. I keep it in my added ass bum bag. We also went, what's it called, to strike bowling and fuck that cheek in the vending machine. You! In the vending machine. Maybe over the vending machine. He says in there. He says in. Wow. He loves, he loves, he's always fucking cheeks. Unbelievable. And that's at school. What year? It doesn't say what year, but that's his. What date was it written in 2000? Diary entry number 38. So probably 2009. So he would have been like six years old. Or 19. 2019. Oh, is he like 18 or something? I don't know. He's just turned 17. Well he graduated high school this year I think. 13. I thought he was still at school. I thought he was just wagging and coming with us because we're cool and famous and shit. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that he's like 14 or something. Okay. Well yeah, maybe we should keep that on the down line. I don't think we should be hanging out with a kid. Diary entry number 1711 from Matthew Gregory Brown. Wait. Are you sure this is from me? Again. No, it's not me again. Come on Matt, it's what it says. Not me again, Matt. Let's calm down and let's be real. Just come sit on my lap, it's got your name on it. You want to come here? Really? Do you think you feel better? He's fucking looking good today guys. He's got his beanie on. He looks cute. I like it when he wears his beanie. He's thinking about it. And I like his long sleeve shirt. It suits him. The green looks good. You should come here. Come on. Come on over, Mattie. Me? Have a little feel. Oh, here he comes. Come here, Matthew. Oh my God. Matthew Brown dying. We get brown town. A little bit of a feeling, a bit of a touch as you walk by. Come on my leg. I think I'm going to get that. Of course he is. Oh, my brown. All right. Now everyone watch Matt's face closely as I read out his diary entry. Oh, you're pretty heavy. I told you on my happy point. There we go. I run my hands at my legs slowly, feeling my body hair brush against my milky skin. My mind and body felt completely at one. I was very alert but calm at the same time. My senses were peaking. I was perched in a large gum tree at the front of a family home. The sun had just set and I knew the mother was due home in five minutes. It had taken me two months of observing to find this perfect scenario. She finally arrived and I could feel my heart beating in my testicles. I silently watched her enter her home drooling as she went. I began massaging my breasts as I watched her enter her bedroom upstairs. She removed her top and I remember my cheek muscles ripping under the force of my excited smile. My little brown became a dark shade of purple and I knew it was time. Just as I reached for my little brown, the undressing mother happened to look straight out of her window and at the tree. My trembling body now freezes and I remain completely still. I see her face squinting trying to make sense of what she's seeing in her tree. For just a moment I convinced myself that it's too dark for her to see me. But then I see her cover her exposed up a body with her arms and let out an almighty scream. I had been discovered. I had rehearsed this situation in my head many times and implemented my strategy. I immediately leapt from the tree and while falling curled myself into a tight ball. I figured I would fall quicker in this position and I would land safer. My body slammed into the lawn beneath the tree as I maintained my perfect human ball shape. It worked. I was relatively injury free. The mother was still screaming staring at me out of her second story window. I stood up looking her right in the eye and started coming. Thick hot pleasure liquid filled my nappy and then I turned and began running on all fours. I had taught myself to run like a dog as it was much faster than traditional human running. I bounded all the way home and decided to lay low for a while. That was close but I think I liked it. Holy shit dude. I got to get off the camera. Yeah I think you do man. Running like a dog really. I like the ball fall. It makes sense that you curl up into a ball. Center of legs. Hug your knees. Ringworm. And then like land like on your side. Yeah. They teach you that in gymnastics. Thank you. Oh my god. I wonder why you went to gymnastics. Sorry entry about it for sure. Flexible females. That was good. I enjoy that. I like it. I like it. Flexible females. Do you want a dick cover dick candy? A little dick candy, eh? Oh man. All right. That brings us on to our first segment. We'll answer some questions and if you want your question answered you comment it. And if they get the most likes it'll be more likely to answer your question. All right. Someone made a very good comment. I can't remember the name. So sorry. But they said if you could remind them at the end of the episode to comment because they tend to forget. Oh I did see that. Once they get down the other end. Can you remind us to remind? Or can you remember? I'll just go comment. Comment to remind us to remind you at the end. That will work. And all you could just quickly pause it now. Yeah I know. Like it makes sense. Just fucking pause it. It might be driving or something. Yeah I saw a lot of people do say they watch this while driving. Yeah okay. Just pull over. They watch it while driving. Or risk it. Fuck it. You can keep one eye on the road. Yeah I know. Like it's 2021. We've fucking evolved. We can like. Have you seen. I've got friends that just go like. I've seen mates. I've seen cunts with one eye like there and one eye looking up like that. Like your peripheral vision. Your peripheral vision. Yeah what that word is. It comes in when you're driving. Here you go. Yeah Jackson has some of the best. Unbelievable. The reason I've ever seen. Yeah. It's like he's just got like four sets of eyes. Jackson will be facing one direction and he'll be talking to me and I'm standing directly behind him. Yeah. Anyway first question. Some of those questions are quite. Worrying. Worrying questions from Matthew Brown. This one received 14 likes. I'll say requests. Question for the podcast from RebSkel. How many tampons has Matthew Gregory Brown the stalker. Brown swallowed in his life. Very good question. Yeah. It'd be hard to digest that shit. I like. I don't know. It's already half digested when it's been up him for a few hours. Yeah true. Is there an answer Matt or are you just lost count. I just. What's the. What do you say in court when you don't want to answer. No comment. Infinity. Infinity. And beyond. We'll go next question. Next question is from Jason Kim. Hey guys got a question for the podcast. What was the worst. What was worse the dog shit that Michael ate or that canned fish thing. I think it was called some. I'll do sir strumming again because you can't get fucking. Yeah. You can't die from it and it's like. Can you die from dog shit. I don't know. Die about. Just psychologically I think it's a slightly. Yeah. Yeah. But the smell is definitely worse for the fish. Holy fuck. It blows my mind. Like and we think the fucking Germans would do this. But the Swedes do it. And the Swedes are like perfection. Like. Like it was it's definitely something that you would fucking. I could see your great grandfather and his ancestors. Or enjoying some sir strum fucking fish shit. Personally attacking me again. Look if you eat it the right way. If you put a little bit cream cheese on some bread. And you put some sir string on you put some dill on top. Apparently it's very delicious. We didn't eat it properly. We just sucked it straight out of the can. And then you've had it thrown all over you. And you ruin the whole the whole day. You threw it on me. The whole inside of the house smells of fuck. Oh yeah. Did too. And guess what fun facts since we're talking about. Ow. Cracked my finger. I was doing that for you. My thumb. Guess what I found out. You know ancestry.com ringworm ring. Yeah. What what do you reckon I am Irish. And Brazilian. Scottish. And Swedish. Oh yeah. My sister did it. Have you done it? Yeah my sister did it. All the Swedes all the time. I don't want to. You want to invest your eggs into their carcasses. I want to find one settle down and live in a cottage. Yeah. But remember you're saying you're going to spray your gunk up them. Everyone you see walk by you want to put a fucking word. Plant your foundations into them. That's sex to Michael. That's sex to Michael. Sweat and smoke. I've seen it. I've seen him plant his seeds. What about you Matthew? What are you from? I'm Irish. Where are you from cunt? Where are you from? It's not here cunt. You're not from round here cunt. Oh fuck me. Irish and English. Irish and English. Okay. I don't know. As far as we know so far like my sister got back until like you know until we came over here and she got back to that and it was Irish and English. I'm pretty sure I'm like Eastern European like further East. I've been talking like you know some of the fucking like dodgy areas cunt. What's Siberia? Like Poland. Yeah. Poland and shit. Oh sorry. It's fucking crazy cunt. All right. Definitely not Polish. No my last name. He's got a Polish last name. No. I always bring it up. So how about that one Matthew Brown? Next question please. Two Irish dogs. Yeah fuck. Which one's worse? What's more Irish if you said just jokin. Is that Irish or Scottish? That's Jordy, isn't it? Yeah I'd be going into the English world. Anyway let's do it. No wait let's do our um you do your English your Irish accent. Oh that's like Conor McGregor. I can't do that. Is he Irish? I thought he was um. Brzee boy. What is Irish again? Deep atop a tarpot. Deep atop a tarpot dead. That's Irish. That's an Irish fluke. All right enough of fucking let's get on next question. Enough Irish man. God we're from Australia now all right. Yeah. Doesn't matter where you seeds were spunked. We're here now. Man this is a weird question. Did the girls. Yeah all right this is from momentary madness. Quick question. Did the girls. Did the girls back that Matt rode into with his heels. Is she limp legged for life? Wait I thought it was head first. He drove the bike into her. And then flown over the handlebars. And your skull connected with that base. Not limp legged though. She's definitely. Well no one knows you left the scene. So she could be dead for all we know. Dude how many situations have you been in where you don't know if someone died or not. I guess you'd hear about on the news. Do you remember what that party was? And we just let a bin go. Oh yeah I get to hear about that. When we were like in our early 20s we were at this party. Everything was really dark. It was like a house party. And there's a really steep hill going up to the road above it. And we were just standing there drinking. And we were like oh let's go to another party. And then just right before we left we saw this huge industrial bin. And just fucking got up from the side of the road and just launched it down the hill. And just it's so loud. And then you just hear fucking screaming coming from behind. We didn't even go and look at what we did. We didn't even observe our art. We just fucking legged it. Heard some loud noises and laughed. As if they played this clip to a judge. Cause some cunt was blinded. When fucking rubbish came out of the bin and. I like the delay of triple. Imagine if Goob animated that. And that's what they're using for. These are tasting a bit weird now. Yeah it's too many we've had. Yeah I can't stop. We're ruining our dinner. I can't stop. The dicks are ruining our dinner. Dick candy left here from last week. Dicks instead of din. Next question is from John Stevenson. First off he commented and said. Matthew Gregory Brown is a bender. What does that mean? I think that means that you're drugs. Sorry. His question was have you two's ever had a real physical fight with each other. If so whatever. No way. No real physical fight with any. Yeah. We have little like we scratch each other. Yeah I did scratch him once. He'll slap me or lash out. I mean when I've pinched him or something. Yeah even big wax on the back. He's never a full blind fucking trying to knock his fucking gums out. We have like we have a little in boxing. We play little games and fucking hell. He can hit hard even when you're holding the pads. So hard. Not fun. So what's his name? Fucking Mikaela's doused. Mikaela's fucking boyfriend. Addis. Michael wants to fight Addis. Well I would like to. But I reckon you. He's a fucking kid. Yeah okay. All right. As the multi-questioners from Kyle Lawlock. Oh here we go. I can't remember Kyle. First off would you go skydiving? What do you guys like with snakes, spiders and scorpions? I wonder if there's a follow up to this. Skydiving yeah I guess eventually. Yeah I haven't done it yet. Michael's done it. Yeah I guess I would. It would be quite terrifying. No Heights is not my favorite. It would be so funny. It was so scary for me but I can't imagine you. You would fucking free- I'd be screaming loudly. I was having a panic attack. Like in the plane and the dude's like. Chill man. Chill. It actually helped. I don't know. It's like this Byron Bay surfer dude. And I was like okay I'm going to chill. As I wanted to impress him. But I fucking. The whole way down until the parachute opened up. I was like. I was like oh man some of the sounds I made. Hey James did it really well. What did you think you were going to do? I was just scared until the parachute. I was like what if the parachute doesn't open up. Yeah that would be. Yeah you can't and relax. Yeah so I'm like making real weird sounds dude. It was fucked. Like things like it wasn't recorded hey. Oh that makes me not want to do it. It would be making similar sounds. But one thing. It's so scary. But yeah once the parachute. Yeah opens and you can sort of just chill. I was just joking man. See man that was easy. Yeah man I wasn't worried. What are you guys like crying blood. Yeah snakes can get fucked. And he fucking. Creature that is like a snake reptile. Slash bug creepy crawly. Fuck off. You picked one up once. A snake yeah because I was trying to impress my friends. I didn't like that. That wasn't enjoyable for me. I didn't do that by myself. And you stuck your head so close to the bush to check where it was. Really. And I was like you're going to get bitten. We've had some close calls with snakes. Heaps. Even as a kid I had heaps living on a little fucking little fucking farm. And spiders. James nearly stepped on one. Yeah we were with him. Oh yeah. Yeah he had a little dance around. Yeah they can get fucked. There's so you one mistake and you're fucking so sick. Get ya. And then you're fucking so sick maybe even die. I still have the dream of getting bitten and then rubbing ink in. I think fucking one of the wild Chris Poinus did it on Wild Boys. He got bit by a snake and then rubbing into it and he had a snake bite tattoo. That is such a cool idea. Thanks man. I would get bitten by a snake. In the neck. For that. Like fucking six times. It would look cool having the tattoo there. Or we can just go to a tattoo artist and just get him to do two perfectly spaced apart. Holds a couple of times. It's not real. It's not an actual snake bite. No one knows that though man. And most of life is just what you say. It's just like yeah your presentation on Instagram. Yeah. Next question is from Will. Chan. Do you think Matt Brown would show his little brown on an only fans. We all right. We're not going to make you show. We're not going to make you do anything. But we've got an idea. Good. We've got an idea. You should start an only fans account Matthew Brown. And you. Yeah. You're not going to show your dick or anything. No. I'm thinking like in a nice flowing dress. Like in a maybe in a some small some dick togs. You know some fucking underwear swimmers. Just pretty outfits and shit. People would subscribe. Don't answer yet Matt. We'll put it to the viewers. If you guys would subscribe to Matt Brown's only fans. And we're talking like you know $2 a month. $2 a month. Dude this could be your way out. This is it man. You could be fucking break. You haven't been getting paid since you stopped researching cunt. You're all fucking poor and shit living in your car. You're fucking slob. I saw you stand at the neighbors. You're fucking getting your stalkers back. Because you're all fucked and poor. Matt needs this. If you would subscribe to Matt's only fans for $2 to see him in cute pictures in a dress. In some revealing shorts. Just like cool sexy outfits. Okay. And like maybe some seductive faces like this. Like that. Like or like a wink. Maybe a bit of whipped cream on your breasts. Only if Lucky Godfried joins me in a photo shoot while he wears his dress. I have a feeling that he will. I have a feeling that he will. I'll help out with one. Marty will help out. We'll collaborate to start. We'll do a fucking cool abcon. We'll do a fucking cool abcon. We'll do a fucking cool. And then like it's literally this $2 a month and what we'll just do. What's fair one a week. Oh fuck I don't know. Just 50 cents a photo. If Matt's feeling sexy on a Sunday morning after a night out he might have a little of his towel around him and take a few photos. He could be feeling sexy while he's driving. He could be driving. Driving. Just take photos while you're driving. Stop. Multitag. Stop. Anyway if you want don't do you don't need to answer yet Matt. But we think it's a great idea. If you subscribed to Matt Brown's only fans comment only fans. Just comment the word only fans and we'll know what you mean. If we get what 20 20 comments it's worth it man. No because everyone will comment just to make it happen. We'll be in them as well for the start. We'll help you out. Dude think about it. Do you get 50 people $2 a month to $100 a month. That's triple figures. $100 a month. No if you get if there's 500 people that's not many people. There's nearly 500 people here now in this room. Yeah one two three. 500. You know what I mean. I'm moving on to the next question. I just remember everyone comment only fans if you want to see this happen. Next question is from Josh Roses. Michael. Michael really looked upset in the tire slash video. Michael were you really upset. This is why I was upset. Okay. I had to go to the fucking coast. So I had something to do. I'm not going to say because it was sort of illegal. But I had to go to the coast to get something. And I didn't have like so I was yeah I needed to get down. So I had I had to use my car that afternoon. And that was like fuck what if I'm not going to be able to get my tires fixed before then. It fucks my whole night up. It was just I was in a bad mood. I wanted my I needed that thing. So I and what was it. It was sort of I think it was like sex toy. Penadol sex toys. And anyway I was pissed off about that. But once once the fucking tires were fixed. I didn't care. It was all good. All right. I was just annoyed in the moment because I had to go somewhere that afternoon. All right. Next question is from Donut Films or the creepy foot skin girl. Oh you don't give me that shit. Do you guys have any advice for people struggling with a paranormal activity? Yeah fucking enjoy it while it's happening and try and record it. Try and fucking to communicate with them. And you know as you could be the person that opens the door to the other side. Fucking get in there and enjoy it. As hard as it is and as scary as it is. Try and record them. Try and talk to them. But unless they're evil and then maybe I don't know go to a church and. And just have a holy water bath. Yeah fuck I just watched the Conjuring the latest one and. They say it's based off real events and shit. But you don't really know you take with a grain of salt. But holy fuck if you're in that you saw it during that situation. And you the fucking spirit makes you kill someone and you try and use that as your defense. You sort of wouldn't want paranormal activity. You sort of want to shoot that shit away. But at the same time. Yeah I'm probably just being biased because I've never really had it. Yeah we had a little bit. Well you didn't have it really properly. I was just next to you and it was happening to him and it was fucking awesome. Yeah I had it and I wouldn't wish it on. It's like it's good you miss it when it's gone a bit. But when you've got it you want it to fuck off. It's exciting. Yeah isn't that right. Oh my god I'm chills on my back right now. It's like naughty sex. Like little fingers on my back right now. Long nails. Scratchy scratchy. Oh my god. Next question is from James. Michael what did you work up with your girlfriend? It was mutual. We wanted... Michael was pushing for Rhino and she didn't want to borrow it. No we just grew apart and we're still friends. It's all it was a positive breakup but it's all good now. I'm just a lot. You cry still buddy. Yeah it's all good. Next question is from Mega Chucky. Chucky? Marty what's Bosley been up to? He's just been... I spent like $120 a week on Bosley's food now. And he's lost like 4 kilos. He looks good. He basically just gets raw human food. Like raw steaks, raw chicken, raw kangaroo meat. Chicken necks every fucking day for food. And he's slim right down and he's so full of energy. And I think he's gonna... How the fuck does he slim down if he's eating meat? So the dog biscuits are fattening. Oh yeah full of carbs. It's like eating bread compared to eating just steak. Yeah that makes sense. So he's all fucking good. Fucking real good. Thanks for asking. Alright final question because we can't get through them all tonight. It's from Andrew Niven. Niven? No Niven. When all the travel restrictions go away and all that sort of stuff would you ever consider doing a tour with the podcast? Yes. Good. If Matt's OnlyFans takes off and like we can all support ourselves then yeah 100% I could see Matt's... Man it'd be so cool to just like hire a camper van and go around Australia. And also it'd be cool if... Or even go to America and go around America. Oh I'd even... And then go around Europe. Think of the OnlyFans content you could get. Each season would be like a different like... Car? Different car. Yeah 100% one of these travel restrictions going man she's going to get crazy baby you. Actually I got one more question. This one intrigued me. I don't know if it'll intrigue you. Boys what's your opinion on houses built between 1954 and 1961? I guess that shit was good back then man. They don't make shit how they used to. Now they put a house up in fucking two weeks come back then they took fucking years. Right? They took fucking years to build them houses and they're still standing around today. That's why they're fucking heritage listed to show a bit of our fucking history come. No one fucking touch them. Don't renovate them. Don't fucking live in them. Just look at them. Fucking someone shoot it. Fuck me cunt. I love houses from back then man. Most shit from back then is cuckoo. Was your mums born then? Yeah. Oh see? Dad was. That's sturdy your parents are. My mum might be a little bit younger. No one's fucking this way long ago. It's like 70 years ago. Yeah my dad's like 70. See? He's like 55. See how sturdy he is cunt? 1955. Yeah okay. Build back then cunt. Fuck sturdy house cunt. 33? 34. Okay. And that is the end of. That chapter. Why'd you ask for my age? Cause I fucking someone. Jesse I made turn 33 and I was like is Matt 33 in my head? 34. 33 is Jesus Christ age that he died. The oldest of the group. Fun fact. I'm 31. Anyway. I'm the youngest. I can't believe we're in a fucking 30s now. Jillian is the youngest at fucking 14. Jillian's a child. Oh imagine being that. Imagine being 14 again. Imagine having this brain now right? And then going back to fucking 12 years old cunt. Oh man. Man. Man. Man. Man. Man. Holy shit man. Man. Alright next segment what do we got here? Let's fucking open some shit. Yeah I feel like a present. Alright this next segment is the PO unboxing. Where we open shit. You guys send to our PO box. Which is written right here. Right. It's written on here. What is it Michael? It's written right on there. PO box 256 Taigum. Yeah. Queensland 4018. And thank you we haven't got it yet but some legend has fucking sent us a sign so it's not just that stupid writing. I'm pretty sure his name's Matt but we'll talk about it. When he sends it. We'll talk about him when he sends it. Alright let's have a look at what we've been sent. Ooh. What are they? Ooh. Alright I've got a note here. Dear Professor Marty and Michael. PhD. This is just something small to acknowledge your contribution to the scientific community. As well as thank you for all the fun and laughter you bring at your fans each week. I got one made for both of you. Julian and Matt Brown. Sorry if I missed anyone else in your team. Also thanks for engaging so consistently with your fans and the UOM members group. Keep up the great work. Cheers. Rhino. Oh Rhino. You fucking legend Rhino. He's fucking sent us some bloody. What a look. Fuck yes. See this is what it's about. This is exactly what it's about man. We do this. We get gifts. What is it? This is why we do it man. Put your hand in my sweet can. Yeah. There you go. Fucking one for you. One for you. Fuck Matt. Fuck yeah. And then you put your drinks in here. And then they keep some cold or hot. So no it's great. It smells nice. It smells nice. Yeah. Alright well thank you Rhino for that. Thank you Rhino. I appreciate it dude. Thank you mate. And if you want to send shit anything send it to our peer box. We will open it live on the fucking podcast for it. Alright. Now I think this could be a bit underwhelming. Yeah look we thought this hunt would be simple. Yeah. We thought that we were on to an easy one here. And we were going to message Shannon Knoll at Aussies. You know who that is. I'm going to ask him about his big black shiny car. Right. And I messaged him and said hey mate do you still have that car. The black shiny one. He hasn't even seen it. He must have been on social media. He's got what how many followers. Let's see if he's posted since six days ago posted. Yeah so he's on here. He's fucking on here. He's just not bloody. But look I think this could be an easy fix because there's not much engagement on his shit. So maybe we all need to go and spam the fuck out of his fucking next post. I think so. I think. Alright we haven't done this for a while. We're asking. We're summoning deep. We're summoning all of our fully actual power. The Army. All of you fans. All of the fully actual powerhouse fan base to go to Michael Z at N-O-L-L-S-I-E. And comment on Shannon Noll's most recent post. Read Marty and Michael's DM please. It's important. It's very important. Alright we're summoning. This won't work. The hunt will not work unless we summon all of your power. And it has to be that. You can't just fucking do some random shit. Say that. So it's all the same message. Next week we should hopefully get a reply. And then we can work towards maybe getting a fucking little video. Dude. I'm excited. I am too. It's cool when they get to get involved. It's like teamwork shit. Yeah. And look at all the videos we have already. We've got what three or four little beautiful videos already. I know. I showed one fun thing about seeing my family was I showed them that and they're like it's sort of impressed them. It's like I know these celebrities because they grew up you know. Which ones? I showed them Andy from Hamish and Andy. Shane Nourn. Shane Nourn. Yeah. Dad was impressed with that one. And then who the fuck Dave Hughes was like holy shit. And then I just mentioned Chappelle. I didn't say that you tried to hook a date up for me. I did say I did say that. That's what would have happened. It's more of a wave isn't it? More of a sliver. It goes limp and then sucks out. Like a vacuum. Real quick like space. Oh yeah it slows good too. That's how he fucks. My brown only fans. All right. So that's what we're going to do for the heart. We need you guys helps all wrong. I hit up Nalsy town right out. Damn you fucking cunt. Fucking oath cunt. The next segment is me. The German segment. All right. Ach du lieber. Ach du lieber. Deutsch. Deutsch. Deutsch. There was a suggestion that Michael has a go. Trying to read one. Yeah that's not a bad idea. To see how good he is in German. Oh my god. All right. So this is the segment where we just read our very common German phrases. As if you were talking to another German person. All right. Michael's going to do the first one. Ich weg zusammen. And now I'm going to try a different way. I'm going to see if I can understand it. If I'm not looking if I'm not looking at the words. Go. Ich weg zusammen. The first and last words understand. Look it's a CH. Bresch. Bresch. Ich bresch zusammen. Ich bresch zusammen. Which means I break together. Which means I can't take it. So if you've got someone's put fucking super glue on the back of your head. While you're fucking driving. I might say something like. Ich bresch zusammen. Oh you wish you did. Would have made it even funnier. I did say it in my head. But I've learnt not to speak German out in public. Because I ridiculed and laughed at. By who? The Allies. But never again. Alright let's see if I can understand this with that. This is nonsense. It's my home language. My parents speak that. They taught me that. It sounds Italian or something. I'll try and get my I gotta get angrier. That is fucking way off mate. Ach du grüne neune. Pretty fucking close. It sounds the same. Ach du grüne neune. No that last word is me. Neune. Neune. Neune. Neune. Grüne. Grüne. Grüne. Keep your lips close together. Grüne. Grüne. Which means, oh you green nine. Yeah I thought nine was in there. Which means shit. Okay. That's a long way to say shit. Why not say Scheisse? What the fuck man. What does Scheisse mean? Does that mean shit? Scheisse. Shit yeah Scheisse shit. Alright. This one is a long one. Please be respectful man. This is my first language. Your grandma your alma maga speaks this. I'm on the German. Reminds me of home. Alright. Just let me start again. I do it again. The tone is right but I just don't, the pronunciation is slightly off. My English is under all the sauce. My English is under all the sauce. Sounds like a struggle with English. Tut mir leid. My English is under all the, sau. Sau. My English is under all the sau. I've never even heard that saying before. Oh wow. There you go. Tut mir leid. My English is under all the sau. Oh. Which means sorry. My English is under all the pig. Which means sorry. My English is extremely bad. So you could say this. In Germany man. And they would like come around you and like support you. Because they think that I was German. They think fuck this guy can't speak the best language in the world. You could say that on the street here. Yeah. You can say honestly. You can say this. Whenever and wherever you want. People might not understand it. But it's your, it's your life man. All right. I'm going to fucking start. I'll do it. I'll get a tattoo. All right. It's my life. It's mine. I'll do it. See. It's mine. My choice. My life. Just like abortions. Well done. Just like abortions are choices. All right. Well done. Everyone. Just like when you have a. A baby. When you have, when you are pregnant. You're fucking dead. If you want. Anyway, moving on. What? What? What? All right. I'm to our last say. How long have we been gone for? We've just tipped over an hour. Well done. All right. So I'm going to pretend to be a really drunk, sloppy fuckwit. I'm going to call a sex worker. Is it a sex chat line or is it just a hook up? I think it's a sex chat line. I might actually stick around. Yeah, he's good. I knew him. I can't figure it out. Oh my God. Have a fucking stalk gun. Have a fucking stalk of it. All right. Here we go. Oh shit. Oh shit, man. I didn't put my phone on private. I'm fucked. Oh, here we fucking go. All right. Nicole. This one's cool. Hello. How's it going? How's it going? Hello. How's it going? Is this Nicole? I'm good thanks. How are you? How are you? Who are you? It's my name is Nathan. You're sorry? My name's Nathan. Nicole. You're gone. Oh, hi, Malcolm. Good things. How are you? Where are you ringing from, Malcolm? Well, I was just finished an hour on Google. You're still so drunk. Yeah, I had a couple of warm-ups after this. Oh, okay. Oh, you've been sober up a bit, mate. Yeah. It's just a couple of warm-ups after work. What's your name? What are you ringing from? What's that, mate? Where are you ringing from? It's ringing from my house on the telephone. That's up north. What area? That's north of Brisbane, up near... All right, Malcolm. I'm doing the Gold Coast, mate. Okay. When are you ready to come down here? Yeah, that's right. I'm heading down north. That's what I call on, right? I'm coming down north. Wean, wean. It's about 6.30. We've got a dinner there with a couple of the boys. Well, okay. Ulra, we'll give it to you. Call back tomorrow then. That's all good. No, I was just thinking maybe come over tonight, right? If I come around your joint, right? I'll bring both of them on. Maybe we can have a bit of a feeling around and just see what's going on down there. You know what I'm saying? Well, what are you acting? What are you charging? A bloody couple of hundred or something, is it? Nine. Yeah, right. No, no, no. I'm drinking all night. No, no. I'm still done now. Right till the dinner time. I've got to be straight for the boys, right? And I've got one of my sons. He's 18, right? He's coming over dinner tonight. And it's his 18th birthday tonight. And I'm trying to turn him into a man, right? So I'm thinking it's not for me. I might come see her a few later on. But it's more for my son, right? He's 18. Okay. Just turning 18, right? So I'm thinking... Okay, all right. Will you give me a call back? I'm just going to go ahead and answer the time. Okay, I've got to lock this in right now. Otherwise, I'll go call someone else. I've got to lock it in right now. Listen, he's dressed up, right? Yeah. He's dressed in a cow costume. He's got a cow costume. And he has never had sex before. And he's begging me, right? He's begging me to get some sex. And I'm going to drop him around in your joint. It's not for you. It's for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's for him. It's for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's $100 for 20 minutes or $150 for the real person. Yeah, well, I'll give you $300, right? And you just, buddy, you go to town with him and put a couple of fingers in his arse and put maybe two, three fingers in his arse, too. Because I hadn't done that before. And that's what it's all about, you know what I'm saying? He's a man now, right? You put a couple of fingers in his arse, right? And I want to make sure $300 for half hour. That's pretty decent, right? What'll that give me? $300 for 30 minutes? Can he get a little tongue flicking the arse? Or is that just, is that it? Is that only a bit of fucking around? It's a bit of fucking around. He's in a cow costume, Nicole. Fuck. Oh, my God, dude. You did well. You did well to keep her for as long as you had. She said it very good. She was not happy. But like, they must get that all at once. That's what it's all about, is a couple of fingers in the arse. Just want you guys to know that my sister is here, witnessing this podcast. And I've never, ever seen her face so disgusted in my life. She was just pointing at you going, I've never seen that, but fuck that made me very happy. Take him. All right, guys, that's the end of episode number 90 next week. Episode number 25 through the season. Episode 100 overall. Holy shit, Matt Brown. Don't forget to like and don't forget to fucking comment. Right? Here's your reminder. Get to the end of the video. Now's your fucking chance. Give it a few times. Give it a like. Give it a comment. Give it a subscribe. And tell someone, I'll beat that down because we are the best. We're the best. What the fucking best? How did this happen? We're the best. It's unbelievable. How are we going here with the best? We're the best. We're the best. Where was your contribution, then, Matt? Huh? What song?gsjbkdsgjbk Okay