 Let's take this down to the total ground level here real quick and so let's say that a woman's out and she sees a guy that she likes. What can she do to kind of get his attention but not seem kind of like desperate? There's different things but ultimately one first and foremost I think eye contact is one of the things that most people are very uncomfortable with and especially the kind of extended eye contact where it's long enough so that he notices that you notice him and that's one of the and you may need to do it on a few times you know some people say you got to do twice, three times, whatever it may be but ultimately that constant eye connection especially from a distance it's amazing if you just hold it like longer than two seconds and turn away like almost you know I've told myself the phrase a little bit where I would look and I would say I see you do you see me and it makes me kind of grin a little bit has kind of soft smile and then continue and then do it again I see you do you see me like a curious like I'm curious about you I'm interested in in that person that's there and in you that what's within you so you need to be able to first and foremost be comfortable with that and today more than ever we're in a digital age where most people's heads are on their phones on on some sort of smartphone computer iPad whatever you want to we're not even looking up like if you look around it's crazy to see how many people are actually looking down so you you know we're in a different time where this is even more necessary because no one's even taking the time to observe what's around them so you you have to almost be this is where you need to be more in your masculine energy to kind of do this because it's lacking it's we're not even a social environment where we used to be well you could be sitting in a bar and not looking at your phone we have covered you'll see couples together not even looking at each other like it's it's kind of interesting to really observe and watch I'll do I'll drive and I notice how people are not even looking at the at the road like it's constant so it's an epidemic okay which means you have to really be able to take the time out to really start doing simple things like extended eye contact where you're observing and then you add a smile to that so it lets the other person know when they do look don't turn away stay at that place and say that do you see me I see you and you smile and then yes you can turn away and then you may need you may need to do two or three times because men have shared with me like it's not just on the first time because I don't want to be rejected when they have to the walk towards you and then they risk having the walk of shame and where they have to go back as you might say no it's the hardest thing that they have to deal with too right men are fearful of rejection as much as women are so so I need to do it two or three times and and where I'm doing that and sometimes I'll even start the conversation you know I've done that in the past where I'll observe something that he might be reading or that he might be looking at and make a comment where I'm gonna start the conversation you know as a person that's curious about what he's doing or what he's looking at and and you know even if it just ends there it gives me the courage each time to might maybe be the first one to have the conversation I think today more than ever it can't just be a question to sit back and he's gonna show up like it's not that simple like you know there's got to be some sort of active slash passive active forms of of inviting this type of man towards you you can't just sit back and and do this and and that's all it's gonna take it requires a little bit more if that makes sense yeah and and I just wanted to kind of go off of that point because it's it's very very important you know and as a as a man and as a former men's dating coach that that was one of the biggest kind of frustrations that guys have is is just the entire approach thing and and a lot of times I'll get women who will say things like you know if he was really a man and he was really you know worth it you know he would come out he would you know just kind of stomp right over and and come and talk to me and and it's really a lot more complicated than that I so I I used to be in the military when when I got out of the military I came back from Iraq you know and and I was this soldier you know and I I came into the dating scene it was it was crazy because I'd go out and I would meet I would see all these women that that I was really attracted to and I knew that I needed like it was my job I have to go over there and talk to them and I would find myself like walking over and then like freezing like halfway over there and and then just like turning around and like walking back to where I was you know hoping that nobody saw me and you know I remember going home at night and just sitting there and being like oh you know how am I this big bad soldier guy that goes to Iraq and like fights for the country and then I come back and it's like I'm scared to death of these little women that I see these bars and stuff that I go to and and and it really is a frustrate really frustrating thing for a lot of guys and anything that you can do and in fact um you know and I know I talk about this and some of my other materials but you know the guys that approach like that just you know you see it they see you and then they come over and and start talking to you those guys are not the best quality just because they approach you doesn't mean that they're the best quality of guys in fact the the guys who attend who tend to approach often are are the guys that are going to approach you and they're they're they're typically like players or they're guys who have been taught to approach because most guys they'll see you and then they get filled up with this feeling of anxiety and overwhelm and they're like they're just like looking for some kind of signal from you they want to get a some kind of sign from you that says that that you know you're interested in them because they you know like you said they don't want to walk all the way over to the other side of the room you know say something to you realize that you're not interested in them and then have to go walking all the way back in shame so so anything that you can do to kind of invite him over you know or start the conversation if that's something that you want to do is is really really beneficial I think that you'll find that you open yourself up to this whole new realm of the types of men that you can get into conversations with just because your chain you're doing something different you know most women aren't won't do what we're talking about here they won't invite a guy over they won't go over and look him in the eyes and smile and or talk to him or any of that kind of stuff so you you have this huge array of men that most women aren't even being able don't even have a chance to go and talk to because they aren't willing to do these things