 If you're single and looking for love, can we agree that the dating, mating, and relating process is a mess out there? That's right. From actually meeting someone to actually forming a significant relationship, many of you might notice that it is very frustrating just to actually connect with another human being. And to actually even make someone want you more than all the different options out there can be rather frustrating. Let's face it, these devices have, well, let me go back to that. These devices have absolutely changed the landscape of meeting people today, certainly then from yesteryear. But I also want you to think about yesteryear for a moment. We were a much smaller pool or there was a much smaller pool for people to connect from or connect with, excuse me, before technology, before technology oftentimes and when we look back 60, 70, 80 years ago, mainly you met people in the small town that you lived in or you met people in college or you met people in your work environment. They weren't literal strangers in your life. And these days when we're meeting strangers, it makes it even more complicated to actually connect with another human being. This is why in a few minutes I'll share with you some subtle ways to actually really connect with someone that is quite obvious and yet seems to be forgotten these days. Now, one thing I want to address ahead of time because this is really important to understand that I've noticed that there is basically three types of women in the dating pool. And let me be clear, before I start sharing about the women, when it comes to men, it is an absolute mess out there. I get it, you're very frustrated because men don't seem intentional anymore in the dating process and actually want to explore commitment these days. That's right, men aren't as intentional as they were in the past and many of them aren't exploring commitment these days because many men have been hurt in the process. That's right, many men have been hurt in the process just like many women have been hurt. And I think these devices contributed to it when you've been rejected over and over and over again. But I said to you, I'm gonna discuss the three types of women I've observed these days. And those three types of women is that there's the entitled type of woman, there's the doormat type of woman, and then most everybody is somewhere in the middle. Now, that entitled woman acts like she deserves the best from every man. She just expects men to bow, she feels like she's deserving of love in a relationship and she acts very superior to the man and also has an expectation that men must do all the work in the dating process to basically woo and swoon and be romantic to convince her to choose him. Ladies, you've seen these types of women, you might even have friends. Some of you might even be these women out there. I can tell you that that attitude is a recipe for disaster. And when I shared with you before about men don't seem intentional, it's because men have witnessed many of these types of women or experienced many of these types of women and they've lost interest in actually pursuing relationships because of these types of women. Now, the other woman I talked about is the doormat. This is the woman who chases men. This is the woman who makes it so easy for the man. What I say makes it so easy for the man. She does everything to please the man and she oftentimes is compromising herself, her boundaries in the process. So there's the entitled woman that creates all of these boundaries for a man to climb to the highest room of the tallest tower. And then there's the other one that literally has no boundaries whatsoever and then men take advantage of these women. And when a woman's been taken advantage of over and over and over again, often, and I don't mean that, I just mean that in the sense that they feel that's what's happening, those women can oftentimes become bitter and jaded in the dating mating or relating process. So it's no wonder we're experiencing this mass frustration in the dating process. So I wanna bridge the gap and try to bring this closer so we can actually start connecting with other human beings. And I wanna invite you to start doing what I learned in sales years ago. It's called mirror and matching, mirror and matching. And there's gonna be four subtle ways I want to invite you to include this or incorporate this in your process of connecting with another person. I think what's most important to recognize when I talked about those three types of women is that there's the entitled woman, the doormat woman and everyone in between. Why I'm saying everyone in between is because I'd like to encourage everyone to throw out the gender rhetoric of what genders are supposed to do in the process and actually start applying a more heart-centered way of connecting. As you can see in my t-shirt, kindness is so gangster. Let me do that. Okay, kindness. Kindness is so gangster. That's more of approaching the process from a heart-centered way. This is why I highly recommend reading the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. And by the way, if you wanna see the recommended books I suggest is in the link below. There's a link to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's a link to my Instagram page if you wanna start following me. Even if you wanna join my group, it's in the description below. By the way, if you find value in this video, please do me a favor, hit like, please subscribe if you're brand new to my channel as well. If you feel like this content resonates with you. Now I wanna get back to if the Buddha dated. And this is gonna reflect to mirror and matching because later in the book, one of the things that I like about this book I just wanna share with everyone is the idea of treating the dating process and the mating process as a two-lane street. And what I mean to say is two cars traveling relatively at the same speed together. It's not the man driving really fast and pulling you along and it's not you driving really fast and pulling them along. It's two lane street means it's two cars traveling at relatively equal speeds, equal speeds. Now, a lot of people don't like the idea of a quality in the dating process but what I'm here to encourage is mutual effort. The effort and the investment into the process is relatively mutual. Now, the other word for mutual might be equal and why I'm sharing this in this book is there's a quote from Paul Pearsall that says the objective of two lovers is almost always the same to find meaning in their individual lives and in their life together. So the chapter is called Seek True Equal and what's said later that I wanna draw attention. A quality doesn't mean unisex or androgyny or being the same, rather it reflects two people who adore each other and give wholeheartedly from a well-developed sense of self, a well-developed sense of self. In other words, it's mutual effort based on a sense of knowing who you are from a healthy place. Now, I've talked about this book frequently but many of you are operating from a wounded place and many of us have childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that have gone unhealed which makes it very difficult to lean into a healthy happy relationship. This is why I highly recommend reading the book The Hoffman Process. This is, by the way, this is a pain in the ass book. You, this is going to be very difficult to do and I promise you if you choose to do it live at their events or do this book, it will change your life. Even filling out the questionnaire to go to their seminars is about a 10 to 15 hour experience to help you recognize where a lot of your wounding in relationship stems from. And why I'm here to encourage more personal development, self-help and spiritual work, that's why I wrote my book and I know you guys get frustrated with me talking about books over and over and over again. My book is what the heck is self-love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work is because here's the bottom line folks. Many of us are operating from the premise of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself and I'm here to encourage a different approach and that's detachment to the outcome. Buddhism is all about understanding that suffering comes from attachment to an outcome. And if we can learn to detach from the outcome and what that means is folks, I know my channel is about understanding men and a lot of the titles are designed to get you to click. And by the way, this particular title I wanna give props to the person I read it from, Matthew Hussie. And I watched the video on this so you may wanna go back and check it out after this video because he talks about the tactics and the techniques. I'm here to talk about it from the 40,000 foot level understanding that when we don't care and I don't mean to be ambivalent or apathetic when we don't care about the outcome we can operate from a heart-centered place. That's what this book is all about. So I wanna read you something else about equality because this really leans into this conversation that we're going to have in a moment about these subtle signs. Equality doesn't need to mean that both people earn the same amount of money, have equal status or are equally good looking. It means the value each other as equals when it comes to making plans, making love, making decisions. They have an equal voice. They adore and appreciate each other equally. They contribute differently to the relationship but they are equal and feeling responsible for keeping the partnership alive and growing. I do have one personal bias. This is where the book however, which is that it be genuinely equal, genuinely equal and they can support themselves financially and know how to have options to leave the relationship. And the only reason why I highlighted that is if you operate from a dependent place on a relationship, it's gonna make it very challenging to actually lean into deeper love. And there's one more thing I wanna share here. The chapter is explore the ways you bond. A spiritual connection is when we relate to each other through our highest wisest self with truth, compassion and an open heart. I wanna read that again. A spiritual connection is when we relate to each other through our highest wisest self with truth, compassion and an open heart. And there's basically eight key areas to address and then we're gonna lean into those subtle ways because I do believe when we operate more from a conscious intentional spiritual perspective, and certain folks, it's absolutely okay to want a healthy happy relationship. What I'm here to say in the early stage of dating, don't get attached to the person. You certainly can hold space to being attached to the idea you want to be in romantic love. And part of the process is vetting the person. That's what I do in my private coaching is I teach you how to vet a person. By the way, I guess there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me. It's important to recognize these key areas that and I'm just sharing from the book. Physical, mental, intellectual, your interest, your values, your lifestyle, your psychology and emotion, your creativity and passion, spirituality and essence. I know it says eight, but I'm here to show you just the way it's listed there. So, how do you bring two people closer together? How do you make someone want you more? I think it's important to go back to what I shared earlier, that mirror and matching. Are they making effort? And if they make effort, I want to invite you to make effort in these four key areas. So, here's my notes I'll just share with you. And I said Matthew Hussie title right at the top. So first, I want to invite you to initiate attention. Initiate attention. Now that might look like sending a text message, initiating the text message. I know the book, the rule says, men should do all the chasing and you make no effort. You just lean back in your feminine energy and just let them claim you. Folks, these days we have to throw out the old book and start operating, I believe, like those cars traveling at the same speed. Okay, that means you can initiate a text, you can initiate a date, a date, a date. You can initiate the date, you can plan a date, you can actually take them out. I have one client and by the way, I have a client in her 70s and she's actually, by the way, she's got five suitors right now. She has five guys wanting to go out with her. I just love her energy and her spirit. And she's gone out twice with a man. I said, do me a favor, just reach out to him and say, hey, I'd like to take you out for drinks on Thursday night. She initiated and he goes, God, that sounds great. You can initiate the text message, you can initiate the dates, you can make the effort, you can pay for the dates. This isn't gonna disrupt a man's masculinity. And I'm here to say, men who are controlling don't want you to initiate things because they want everything on their terms. And the minute you initiate it, you might think, oh my God, you're chasing. It only turns off those men who are not really serious and intentional about a relationship anyway. So I'm here to invite you to initiate. I don't mean initiate all the text message. I don't mean you have to initiate every, you know, it has to be back and forth, but make that effort. Because when a woman is demonstrating effort, he actually begins to like her more. And I'm here to talk about the other three things. Number two is initiate affection. I know many men like to be touched. Physical touch is oftentimes in the five love languages that I bring the book, the five love languages is physical touch is a really important factor. And I don't mean sexual touch. I just mean just even touching someone along their arms when you initiate that, a man feels a connection with you. I shared the story once I was on a first date with a woman and all of a sudden I noticed we were sitting across and there was definitely attraction between us and she just started to lightly touch my arm. And I just, I found that very appealing. She was just, I think she did it completely unconsciously. She was just, there was a connection going on. It wasn't sexual, it was just, she wanted to be connected with me. That's a great way to make a man want you more. Number three, initiate appreciation. And I specifically say the word appreciation. Do you know these days, I noticed a lot of women don't, especially the entitled women in particular, don't actually express appreciation to men. One of the biggest complaints men say after a divorce is they didn't feel appreciated by their partner. This is one of the fundamental challenges in dating today is because we say the word thank you instead of using the word I appreciate you or I'm grateful for you. Appreciation goes a long way. I really appreciated that you treated the other night when we went out. I really appreciate your chivalry when you open the car door. I really appreciate that you made effort actually use the word appreciation and that bonds someone closer to you than simply using the words thank you. And lastly and most importantly, is initiate acceptance by initiating acceptance. By the way, most human beings want to feel accepted for who they are. So I want you to initiate it right from the get go. Now that doesn't mean initiate a start accepting the person without conditions but you absolutely can have your standards and don't compromise your boundaries. And what I mean to say is when we can operate what I, going back to this book it throws out the gender rhetoric but what it mostly talks about is how to connect with your heart from a place of compassion for another human being. When we can operate from compassion and not our ego our heart opens wide and what I want to invite you to do is accept human beings for who they are warts and all. The reality is is you come to the table just as messed up as they come to the table. And so if you want to create acceptance for yourself then start accepting other human beings. I can tell you one of the frustrating aspects of being a dating relationship coach is how often women say to me they're swiping on these devices and they look at men and go, ooh, what is he thinking emailing me? What is he thinking swiping on me? That's a judgment. One of the reasons why when I'm gonna tell you a little tip I work with on clients I have them every time they swipe left which is not interested I always suggest to them say thank you to that person or say I love you because the more accepting we can be without judgment we actually begin to attract more and more of what we want. Is this making sense? Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? If it is, post a comment below because I'm here to say the judgment today is what's repelling people men and women alike and when we become more compassionate more accepting, more loving we actually can attract more love in our life and I invite you to attract that in God, universe, spirit I invite love into my life I invite that in mutual chemistry that we have together I invite in that communication and banter that can go on for hours and hours of the time I invite in our compatibility because our lifestyles are blendable with one another I invite in shared values so we can actually be in aligned with each other and I invite in real trust because we're gonna build it through social activities hobbies, mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in our personal and professional life and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy and I'm willing to make that investment in and I'm going to do that with the man who mirrors and matches my investment because when we make a mutual investment in the process we actually draw closer to one another God, universe, spirit I invite that in folks, I invite that into your life because these subtle ways these subtle ways is how you can attract more love into your life and I hope this resonates with you all right, I think this would be a great place to wrap up today's video I hope you found value please post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts and as always, I'm gonna wrap up my video as I always do first off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives, I forgot my teddy bear all right everyone, have a great day thanks, bye now