 What's going on, y'all? Welcome to the Single Guy Channel. My name's Lloyd. Today, we're going to be talking about when she asks you, what are you looking for? This is a very common question that a lot of women ask men, especially if it's on a dating app. In fact, if you've been on a dating app for more than like three weeks, you probably heard maybe more than once a woman ask you this question. So what I'm going to talk about in this video is I'm going to talk about why they ask this question. It should be pretty obvious. Then I'm going to talk about what the problems are with this question and my general thoughts about it. Then I'm going to give you exactly what you should respond with, depending on what you are actually looking for, okay? Because obviously, if you are looking for something different than somebody else, then you probably shouldn't say the same thing as them, okay? In general, you should be truthful with what you're saying. So we'll talk about what it's exactly to say, but first, why do they ask this question? Women are asking this question because they want to know if you're looking for the same thing as her. Generally, I'm not going to say every time, but a lot of times when women ask this question, it's not because they're looking to hook up. It's because they're looking for something serious, and that's why they ask the serious question. Now me as a dating coach, in the opinion of a lot of other dating coaches that I know, I would never recommend to a woman to ask this question. For a lot of reasons. Number one, people usually aren't going to give you an honest answer. Number two, making demands right off the bat is generally not a good thing. The last thing is that even if they're answering you truthfully, a lot of people change their answer. It really depends on the person, so they're not going to know if you're the kind of person to be in a relationship with or the kind of person that they just want to hook up with, or the kind of person that they want to end this conversation right now and never talk to you again. They don't know that until they have more information about you. So if you ask that right off the bat, a lot of times people aren't going to know. I know so many guys that said that they were never going to get, they were just looking to have fun, but then they met the right person and now they're in a relationship. This happens all the time and if you ask that question at the beginning, you're denying the ability for them to be able to do that. I think instead of asking the question, you should just state what you're looking for in your profile. It's pretty simple. All right. So now if you get this question though, because inevitably you will, typically a lot of times it's from someone who maybe is frustrated and they want to shortcut the dating process where you see by somebody's actions what they're doing and you figure out what it is they're looking for and if you guys are compatible. They're trying to shortcut this and that's another reason why I'm not such a huge fan of it, but what should you do? So let's say you, for three scenarios, let's do three. We'll do the scenario where you're just looking to hook up. You're not looking for anything serious. How should you respond then? If you're looking for a committed relationship, if you're looking for a relationship in general, how should you respond? Or if you just literally don't know, you're on and you're kind of just meeting people and you're seeing, it'll be based on a person-to-person basis and you're not sure yet. Okay. I'll give you responses for all of those. So let's talk about the first one. The first one is if you're not serious. Most of the time when guys ask me this question, it's because they think the girl is looking for the answer of I'm looking for something serious and they don't want to say that because they don't want to lie to them. They're not looking for something serious. So how do they say it in a way that's not going to scare her off? Okay. And by the way, it's okay if you scare her off, but you don't want to say something that's like just super, super out there. So what you shouldn't say is I'm just looking to have sex or I'm just looking to hook up. Probably shouldn't say that. Okay. Although women say that you should say that, don't say it. Just don't say it. No women's. I'm just looking to hook up too. And you know, like maybe there's a chance that'll happen, but very low and there's better ways of wording it. Okay. A better way of wording it might be to say something like and I'm not joking about this is if you say, I don't know. I'm just looking. Don't say I don't know. I say, I'm just looking for someone who I can beat at Mario Kart or who can beat me at Mario Kart. What are you saying with this? You're saying I'm looking for someone who's fun. I'm looking to have fun. That's the message there. Now you don't, you don't have to be like kind of offensive or crass about everything. I'm just looking to hook up. Okay. We're looking for someone who's down to have fun. Now if she doesn't like this answer, it means she's looking for something serious and it means you're probably not on the same page. And that's okay. It's okay with the dating app. All right. You're going to meet tons of people that you two want different things. It's totally fine. Okay. Now let's talk about if, and by the way, if she keeps like asking you about it and continuously and she won't drop it, then you two are probably not on the same page in general with a lot of these responses. Okay. Two, if you are looking for a committed relationship, maybe not, you're looking for something serious. Okay. How should you respond? Well, tell her that you're looking for a relationship. It's the first thing you should say. I'm looking for a relationship and then underneath that, but I'm in no rush. You want to tell her that you're in no rush and you're down to wait for the right person. Okay. This is telling her that you're not just going to sell for anybody and you're not going to rush into things which she doesn't want to rush either, although she's asking this question, which kind of indicates to me that she's rushing for it. You want to let her know that, and by the way, let her know that you are down to be alone until you find that person because you don't have to say it verbatim, say it how I said it before, but if you're, you don't want to come off as desperate, so that's basically how I would word that. Now, if she keeps like what kind of relationship, what things are you looking for? That's not usually a conversation that you should be having and the reason why is because you really tell a compatibility by their actions. Everybody portrays the kind of person that they want to be with a relationship that they think they want, but until you start kind of like being with that person for a little bit, you don't really know how it's going to be with them because everybody puts up this front when they're dating and to get past that, you really have to like talk to them and spend some time with them. Okay, so that's how I would respond for that. Now, if you don't know, you absolutely have no idea, then what you should respond with is you just say, right now I'm pretty open, I'm pretty open for anything. You know, if I meet the right person and they're great and I want to date them and date nobody else, that's great. But if I meet someone who I see myself having a lot of fun with but not being exclusive with, that's okay too, right? Now, if she again is still like wants you to get more specific and pick either one, this person's not going to work well with you. Like anytime someone is making demands of you at the beginning, even if you're looking for a relationship, like why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who right from the get-go, even before you've met, is asking you this question, right? Like that's something that you really want to, it's not a good look, not a good look if you're doing that. But if you've been talking for a while and they ask, hey, what are you looking for? What it typically means is that you have not shown with your actions what you're looking for. She doesn't know, maybe she's getting some mixed signals from you or maybe she's feeling a little bit impatient. It's more of a serious conversation if she's brought it up later. If you guys have been talking for a while, maybe you've been on dates and she asked this, then you have to take it seriously. Like the Mario Kart answer would not fly. If you've been seeing each other for a while or it's been a few dates and you give her that answer, she's never gonna wanna talk to you again. So don't take it seriously. And I would actually put that question back on her as well too. I would ask her what she's looking for. Typically if she asks this question a while in, it means you've done something wrong and you probably should have checked in with her to begin with or shown with your actions more of what you're looking for. She shouldn't be confused about that. So yeah, if you guys have any questions about this, put it in the comment section below. This is something that I coach my clients on all the time. If you're getting this question a lot from a variety of different people, it usually means that you're doing something wrong and we can pinpoint that. So cool, you can take my meeting intelligence quiz as well too, yeah, good luck out there you guys.