 Letter 28. From the History of Lady Barton. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Linda Marie Nielsen, Vancouver, BC. The History of Lady Barton by Elizabeth Griffiths. Letter 28. From Lady Barton to Miss Cleveland. The moment I had read Mrs. Walter's letter, I sent Benson to wait her coming at the appointed place, as some of the family were not yet gone to bed. I had near half an hour's leisure to reflect on the uncommon villainy of Colonel Walter. If this lady was his wife, which I could have no doubt of, from her taking his name, how did he dare to propose marriage to Mrs. Layton? But this circumstance appeared trifling when compared to the inhumanity of his behavior to the unfortunate Olivia and her lovely child. At length, Benson tapped softly at my door, and I rose to receive a being that seemed no longer an inhabitant of this world. From the child's account of our mother's illness, I was prepared to see a person pale and emaciated, but anything so near our idea of a beautiful specter never yet, I believe, struck mortal sight. I must describe her to you. Her stature is somewhat above the middle size, but the extreme thinness of our figure made her appear still taller. Her eyes are large, and of the darkest blue. Her nose aquiline, with the most beautiful mouth and teeth I ever saw. Her skin fairer than alabaster, and so clear that one might fancy they saw the circulation of the blood, which supplied a faint bushing in her cheeks, resembling the inner tints of a white rose. Her hair of a light shining brown flowed in loose tresses upon her shoulders. Her gown was a white silk pony's. She had on a gauze hood tied loosely under her chin, and a slight covering of the same sort upon her neck. She appeared all form without substance, spirit without matter, and had she prophesied my faith would have listened as to an angel. As she entered my room she made an effort, which I was not lucky enough to prevent, to throw herself at my foot. When I attempted to raise her from the ground, I had not strength sufficient, for she had fainted there, with Benson's assistance and mine. She recovered in about ten minutes, then gushed into such a flood of tears, as took away all power of speech, and almost suffocated her. She often tried to speak and implore my pardon for the distress and trouble she had occasioned me, and you may suppose that I said everything in my power to calm her mind. As soon as she became a little collected, she said it was joy, not sorrow, that had overpowered her weak frame, the latter she had been too familiar with, but the former was indeed such a long absent guest, that it must be welcomed with some degree of transport. If the delicacy of her sentiments had needed any addition, they would have received the highest from the sweetness of her voice, and the uncommon beauty of her mouth, while she uttered them. In order to restrain her acknowledgements for my interesting myself about her and her child, I pressed her to relate her story, and to account for the extraordinary appearances arising from her situation. She bowed and proceeded with so much grace and elegance of expression that I could have hung with mute attention on her speech for a whole winter's night, or a long summer's day, and never wished her tale to have an end. The Story of Mrs. Walter I had the misfortune to lose my father, who had the honour of being a general officer in the King of Sardinia's service. When I was but eleven years old, his name was De Almburg. As he had many great and lucrative employments, and my mother and he were both young, they indulged themselves in a thoughtless extravagance together at Turin during his life, but at his decease, my mother, no longer able to support the rank she had held at that court, returned to Reinkon to live upon the small patrimony which remained for her and me. Young as I was, the loss of a fond father made a very deep impression on my mind, and the perpetual affliction to which I saw my mother had devoted himself and which terminated her life in two years brought me full early acquaintant with sorrow. After this irreparable loss I remained at Reinkon under the care of an old maiden aunt of my father's, who had lived too much sequestered from the world, and who, ignorant of the nature of youth or how to guide it, supplied the place of instruction with austerity, never suffered me to be a moment out of her sight, and was for ever extolling her own goodness and charity in being troubled with the care of my education and maintenance. In short, her manners were perfectly disagreeable and so extremely different from that delicacy and tenderness to which I had been too much accustomed that though I strove to respect her as my aunt, I found it impossible either to love or esteem her. The affections of a young and amiable mind cannot center in themselves, and if they are not properly attached by the ties of affinity or kindness, they will most probably bestow themselves on improper objects. This was, un-luckily, my case. The only person I was suffered to converse with except my aunt, and that only at home, was a girl about three years elder than myself, whose mother had been formally a servant to mine, but at that time kept an inn at Breinkon. This girl then, as was natural, I became extremely fond of, and as my aunt grew every day more infirm and was often confined to her bed, I found frequent opportunities of visiting my dear Nanette, unknown to my severe guardian at her mother's house. In one of these, till then, innocent excursions, my ill fate contrived that Colonel Walter should arrive at Breinkon and stop at the house where I was. It was summer, the evening fine, and as he had no company, he sauntered into the garden, where Nanette and I were sitting at work, in an arbor. He accosted us with great politeness, and I could perceive that my companion was highly pleased with his address, but the timidity natural to a person who had been brought up, in so retired a manner as I had been, made me wish to withdraw, and notwithstanding his and Nanette's solicitations, to the contrary, I quickly returned home, possessed with the first idea I had ever felt of having done wrong. I saw, by the Colonel's appearance, that he was an officer, the recollection of my father struck forcibly into my mind, and I plushed with indignation to think that General de Holmberg's daughter had been seen in so improper a situation. My pride was, however, consoled by thinking that I should never see him again, and I determined to be more guarded in my future visits to my friend. The next morning, very early, Nanette was at my bedside, and expressed some degree a resentment at my having quitted her so abruptly the preceding night. My delicacy would not suffer me to hurt her pride by telling her my real motive for retiring. I therefore said it was owing to my apprehensions of being missed by my aunt, but that I got off undiscovered, and should not be so cowardly. Another time she seemed satisfied with this declaration, and pressed me to come to her that evening. She had an entire ascendant over me, and notwithstanding the resolution I had made a few hours before, I readily promised to attend her. I had no doubt but that the Colonel would by that time have quitted Briancon, and I would not venture to ask a question relative to him, lest it might lead her to suspect my thoughts. She, however, talked of him incessantly, said he was the handsomest and most agreeable gentleman she had ever seen, told me he had invited her mother and her to supper, and behaved to them as if they were princesses, and added she was glad he did not live in that country, as she feared another interview might engage too much of her affections. She rattled away in this manner, till I was summoned to attend my aunt, and then made me repeat my promise of going to her the moment the old lady should retire to rest. My aunt was, if possible, more peevish than usual that whole day, or at least her ill temper had a more than common affect upon my spirits. I longed for the evening to be released from her tyranny, and to be indulged with the liberty of pouring forth my little sorrows in the bosom of my faithful Nanette. The moment that my aunt had dismissed me from her chamber, I flew to my appointment, without waiting to alter my dress, which was a perfect disable, and found Nanette in the arbor, adorned with every little adornment that she was possessed of. My thoughts were too much affected with the disagreeableness of my own situation to make reflections on the gaiety of her appearance. I seated myself by her, leaned my head upon her bosom, and, with a profusion of tears, told her I was no longer able to bear the misery I suffered from my aunt's severity. She smiled, and, as I thought, with an air of triumph, told me that I might put an end to my misfortunes, as soon as I pleased, for that the Colonel had assured her he had visited all the courts in Europe, and had never seen anything half so beautiful as either she or I. That for her part she was resolved to try her fortune in the world, forthwith, and not stay moping at Briancon till she grew old and ugly, and that if I would accompany her, she did not at all doubt of our success. That I might hope to marry some reigning prince, and then she might at least expect to be mistress of a dukedom. I was both shocked and surprised at hearing my friend talk in this extravagant and unusual style, but before I could express my sentiments, Colonel Walter came into the arbor, dressed as if he had been going to court on a gala day. I confess I was struck, nadazzled, with his appearance. From the time of my leaving turn, I had never seen any man finally or elegantly dressed before. I now quickly perceived the advantages that Nanette received from being decked out and blushed at the inferiority of my own appearance. Every human creature has, I believe, some sparks of vanity in their nature, and this was the fatal moment when mine were first kindled. A desire of outshining Nanette, who had a good deal disgusted me, took immediate possession of my thoughts, and my counterance was, upon the instant, lighted up with smiles. I have not a doubt but Colonel Walter saw through the thin veil that covered the sentiments of a creature so young and artless as I was then. He at least indulged my weakness, even beyond my wishes, by entirely devoting his whole attention to me and totally neglecting my companion. Olivia here broke off her narrative to apologize for entering into such minute circumstances, which she said was meant to convince me of her sincerity, as she was very certain that her weakness and innocence were the groundworks of her ruin. But alas, exclaimed she, is there not indulgence and compassion due to uneducated, uninformed 15? I told her that entering into these little traits of character, those fine, those delicate touches marked the master's hand and were a convincing proof of the goodness both of her head and heart. She complimented me on my candor and returned to her story. There had been the most elegant repass provided that Brian Kahn could afford. Nanette and her mother, the Colonel and I, were all the party, but I was the idol to whom all the incense was offered. The good women of the house took the tawn from her guest, extolled my beauty and my accomplishments as extravagantly, though not so agreeably, as he. Nanette alone was silent. In short, I became intoxicated with flattery, and when the time of our parting drew near, I secretly mented at the same idea which had given me so much satisfaction, the preceding night, that I should see Colonel Walter no more. The Colonel insisted on attending me home, and had ordered his shades to convey me to my aunts. But though my vanity was flattered with the mark of attention, I dared not indulge it with such an eclat. However, I said I would permit him to walk home with me, provided Nanette would accompany us. She sullenly refused. I had then no choice, and the Colonel and I set out together. When we were about to separate, I wished him a good night, and a pleasant journey. He threw himself at my feet, caught hold of my hand, swore I was the sovereign arbitrest of his fate, and that he would never leave Briancon till he had obtained my hand and heart. But that if I cruelly refused to accept his love, he would put himself to death that instant before me. Child as I was, his transports terrified me. I was also alarmed lest any of my aunts' servants should see him, so I promised if he would then retire to meet him the next evening at the inn. He made a merit of assenting to so long an absence, and after a thousand protestations of the most ardent passion, and as many more tender addues, he left me plunged in such a fatal, yet pleasing delirium as youth and experience only can feel. What an infidel should I have thought the person who had at the moment warned me to discredit the sincerity of his profession. The night passed away without sleep, yet I thought it short, and arose next morning, even with unusual vivacity. My aunts' ill temper was no longer disagreeable to me. My spirits were perfectly harmonized. All was peace within, and cheerfulness without. Toward evening I began to think that time lagged heavily in its course, and wished for the setting of the sun, as much as a benighted traveler for its rising. At length the welcome night arrived, and set me free from my restraint. I ran to my toilet to endeavor to adorn the few graces that nature had lent me. In vain confusion interrupted my efforts, and haste prevented my dispatch, so that, in a kind of despair, I threw aside my few ornaments, snatched up a little straw hat, and set out on my adventures. In the same careless decibel I had appeared the night before. The moment I had got out of the view of my aunts' house, I was met by the colonel, who received me with an ecstasy that I believe was then sincere. We pursued our way to the arbor, where he had first seen me, on my not finding the net there. I endeavored to quit him, and go in pursuit of her. But he held my hand, and entreated me to stay, till he had revealed a secret to me, which was of the utmost consequence to us both. He then assured me that the net was not my friend, and requested that I would not entrust her with the discovery he had made of his passion for me. For that he feared she would betray the secret to my aunt, and by that means deprive him of more than life, the happiness of seeing me. But that if I would be a little upon my guard, she might suppose his attachment to be nothing more than common gallantry, which might possibly quiet the jealousy she seemed already to have conceived about it. I was shocked at the idea of deceiving or suspecting my friend, yet the gloom and dissatisfaction that appeared in her behavior the night before made me too readily fall into the stare. Nay, I joined in the deep seat against myself by entreating that he would be more attentive to her, and less particular to me on the present interview. My motive for this request, I solemnly declare, was rather to prevent her being mortified, as I saw she had been before. Then to remove any suspicion she might have entertained of me. For I had perfectly acquisist in the colonel's honor and integrity, as well as my own innocence. I had not the least apprehension of any ill consequence in such a compliance. Thus did this artful man disjoin me from the only person who was likely to see through his designs, and could have an interest in preventing my ruin. After this discourse and abundance of protestations of the tenderest affection, we joined Nanette, and the colonel left us for some time together, to try, as I presume, the strength of his power over me. Nanette was all gayety, and shrewd me abundance of presence that she had received from the colonel. My heart reproached me for concealing the sentiments from her, but my promise to my lover had tied my tongue, and the weakness and vanity of her conduct left me less reason to regret the mortification she must feel, when she should know that he was seriously attached to me. The evening passed away less pleasantly than the former. Nanette assumed a superiority over me in sense and judgment, but attempted to soften her self-sufficiency by hinting at the difference of our years and experience, and through this salvo did not render her behaviour less disgusting. It deprived me of the power of resenting it, and I retired home convinced that there were two passions awakened in my mind that I had never felt before, love and hatred. Nanette and the colonel accompanied me home, at parting he put a little billet into my hand, which I could not refuse to accept, without letting her know that it had been offered. I was even then become the slave, the abject slave of love, and feared to offend my future tyrant. The billet contained nothing more than a repetition of passionate and tender expressions, with the warmest acknowledgments for the attention. I had shrewn to his request, by the prudence and propriety of my conduct, and the most earnest entreaties to favour him with my company the next evening. I retired to bed, and I hoped to rest, but sleep was vanished, and with it the charming delirium that had kept me waking the foregoing night. Short was the road that I had travelled in, the flowery path of pleasure, yet I already found it strewed with thorns. I trembled at the danger of treading it alone, and lamented more piecely than, than ever, the loss of my dear mother, to whom I might have confided, both by hopes and fears, upon this hazardous adventure. The usual hour of my rising arrived, and found my eyes unclosed, and my thoughts unsettled. I had neither slept nor determined on any scheme, for my future conduct, and when my maid came into my chamber, I slept, I stepped out of bed, burst into a passion of tears, and said softly to myself, I will not see the colonel at least this day. I considered this determination as an amazing effort of resolution, and fancied I had gained a complete victory over my infant passion. The anxiety of my mind, with loss of rest, had brought on a slight degree of fever, and the moment I quitted my aunt's chamber, I retired to my own, threw myself on the bed, and desired my maid to leave me. The poor girl, who loved me tenderly, was alarmed at my situation, and ran directly to Nanette, to tell her I was ill, and to beg she would come to me. She told her she was, at that time, so particularly engaged, that it was impossible for her to stir abroad, but that she would certainly see me sometime in the evening. I know nothing of this transaction, and after having passed some hours in a disagreeable state of restlessness, the agitation of my mind subsided, and I fell asleep. Sometime after, I was awakened by a light at my bedside, and on opening my eyes I perceived Nanette, and Colonel Walter, disguised in women's clothes, standing by me, the confusion which I felt, both from my situation and his, is not to be expressed. He gazed upon me with such a look of ardent tenderness, as covered me with bushes. I turned my eyes away, begged they would withdraw into another room, and promised them that, as soon as I had rendered my appearance decent, I would wait on them. Nanette burst into a loud laugh at what she called my affected delicacy, said she supposed everybody was sometimes undressed, and she did not see any occasion for making a difficulty about such trifles. The boldness of her manner, while she spoke, increased my distress, and completed the dislike I had begun to have conceived for her. The Colonel appeared indefinitely more modest in his deportment, and on his making a sigh to her to leave the chamber they both withdrew. The hurry of spirits, which this unexpected visit had occasioned, was increased by my apprehensions that some of the servants might detect the Colonel under his disguise, and though I knew they all loved and pitied me, yet I had been taught in my infancy to dread the putting myself in the power of a servant, and never to let them know a circumstance which I wished should be kept secret. The moment I entered the room where my guests were, I entreated them to leave me, and mention my reasons for wishing them gone. Nanette again made a jest of my scruples, but the Colonel treated them more seriously, and asked my pardon for having brought me into any difficulty or distress by his indiscretion, but pleaded both his and Nanette's anxiety for my health, and insisted on my returning with them to the inn, since he was certain from my appearance that I had not any complaint to prevent me. But not to detain you, madame, longer with such tedious circumstances, I half reluctantly complied with his entreaties, and for about three weeks longer we spent every evening together, almost in the same manner as the first. I had by this time lost all affection and esteem for Nanette, and had now no confidant or friend on earth to whom I could disclose the secrets of my heart, but the single person in the world from whom I should most carefully have concealed them. When he had become quite certain of his empire over my affections, he proposed my quitting brain con with him. He said my aunt was too old and perverse to be consulted on such an occasion that he never wanted or desired any treasure, but myself, for that all other considerations were below his attention. He added that his passion for me had detained him so long at Brie Kahn that he was in danger of forfeiting his commission and his honor that if I loved him I ought not to hesitate about putting myself under his protection, that our interests were now becoming one, and that he would defend me from every misfortune in the last moment of his life. I believed, obeyed, and repented. Here she paused, for this little reflection was followed by such a passion of tears that I was obliged to restrain my curiosity, as you must yours for some time. I administered drops and water to my fair biographer, and to you I recommend patience till the next post, for my fingers are so tired that it is impossible for me to proceed as it is to think or write upon any other subject till I have finished this. Therefore not one word shall I say of myself, but that I am well, that I long to hear from you, and that I am most affectionately yours, El Barton. End of Letter 28, Recording by Linda Marie Nielsen, Vancouver, B.C. Letters 29-30 of the History of Lady Barton. This is a Libravox recording. All Libravox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit Libravox.org. Recording by Linda Marie Nielsen, Vancouver, B.C. The History of Lady Barton by Elizabeth Griffiths. Letters 29-30 from Lady Barton to Ms. Cleveland. Letter 29, Lady Barton to Ms. Cleveland. Take notice, my dear Fanny, that I am not used to narrative writing. You must therefore make allowances for me, and excuse my being sometimes too circumstantial, and to others to diffuse. I can only say that my translation is, what all others pretend to be, a faithful one. Perhaps it is so much the worse, for that reason, for while I am endeavouring to convey the minutest circumstances to you, the elegance of expression which gave them consequence in the original is lost. But no matter for the manner of recital, if the story interests and affects you as much in the reading as it does me in the writing, I shall be satisfied with my own performance. As soon as the fair Olivia had regained her composure, she proceeded thus, weak, young, and infatuated with passion, as I was, the Colonel's proposal of flying with him, without marriage, alarmed me, and awakened all the sentiments of delicacy, which are inherent to an innocent and virtuous mind. Yet that very delicacy prevented my having resolution to express my thoughts upon that occasion. I feared to injure his honour by seeming to doubt it. I therefore remained, for some time, silent upon this most interesting subject. He repeated his entreaties, and pressed me to determine. I replied that I would consult my confessor. He had seen the various workings of my mind, and was prepared to evade all my scruples. He objected instantly to my proposal, by urging that a priest would oppose my marrying and heretic, and endeavour to prevent it, by acquainting my aunt. But told me he had a particular friend, a clergyman, an embrune, who would make no difficulty of uniting us together. Thus did this artful man lull all my doubts to rest and soothe my unwary mind into a perfect dependence upon his honour, fidelity, and love. The night following was fixed for our departure, and in an evil and inauspicious hour I ventured on a world unknown, with the most inhuman and ungenerous of his sex. For my conductor I had perhaps as little to regret on leaving Brayin Khan as any young creature who ever took, so rash and unadvised a step. I wounded not the heart of a fond parent, nor drew a pitting tear from any friendly eye. I had no sister on whom my disgrace might be reflected, nor a brother whose tenderness might lament, or honour have resented my misconduct. I stood as it were alone in the universe, was dear to no one, but the loved object under whose protection I now had placed myself, and in whom all the affections of my heart were centred. Yet notwithstanding this very peculiar situation, my heart trembled, and my eyes overflowed when I got into the shades, and every leg that we've travelled, the dejection of my spirits increased. For some time the Colonel endeavoured to dissipate my melancholy by the utmost tenderness, and I affected to appear more cheerful in compliment to his attention. But he soon browsed my langor into resentment by taking some unwarrantable liberties, which, when he found I would not suffer, he attempted to excuse by saying that he had already considered me as his wife. The moment we arrived at Emberne he left me in the inn to go, as he said, in pursuit of his friend the clergyman. He returned in about an hour with a person to perform the ceremony, and we were married directly, but without any other witness, for I had thrown myself out of a situation to prescribe terms, and must therefore have compounded for having any own scruples satisfied, by a consciousness of my being his wife, leaving the option of the world to its own charity about me. We remained two days at Emberne, and then set out for Marseille. During our long journey my husband told me that he had some reasons for wishing to change his name, and that in compliment to my Christian one he would be called Olivette. I readily acquiesanced in whatever he thought proper, without attempting to inquire into the motives of his conduct. We took a house at Marseille and lived for four months in the utmost retirement, and the most perfect happiness together. I never stirred out, but to church, or to take the air with my husband. Every wish of my fond heart was accomplished, and I secretly rejoiced that he no longer talked of joining his regiment, or returning to his native country. About that time his temper and manners began to alter. He was frequently sullen and gloomy, and if I attempted to inquire into the cause of this change he would answer, though art, and command me to leave him. I obeyed, and used to retire to my chamber, and pass whole days and nights in tears. But whatever he condescended to speak to me with cheerfulness, I instantly forgot his past unkindness, and vainly flattered myself that it would return no more. At length, with some appearance of tenderness in his manner, he told me that he was under an absolute necessity of leaving me, for a few months, as my situation would not emit of my traveling with him, from my being far advanced in my pregnancy of Olivia, but that he would certainly come back to me by the time I should be recovered from my lying in, and take me with him to Ireland where his estate lay. All that I ever suffered in my life seemed slight to the misery of parting with him. I knelt, I wept, and implored him not to abandon me under such circumstances. He was unmoved by my tears and entreaties, and in a few days afterwards quitted Marci, without even bidding me a due. The grief I felt from this separation would, I hoped, have terminated my life, and I fear I should have been tempted to have shortened the date of my wretched existence. Had not the tenderness which I felt, even for my unborn babe, restrained my hand from the two frequent effects of despair. My situation was certainly deplorable, and I then thought that my misery could not emit of addition. I have been since, but too strongly convinced, that there are numerous gradations in wretchedness, and that I was then but entering on my novelty. I was so totally absorbed in sorrow at being forsaken by a husband whom, notwithstanding his unkindness, I both respected and loved, that the common concerns of life never occurred to me till my maid came to ask me for money, to support my family, which consisted of two maids and a man-servant. I started, as from a dream, and in an agony of grief, ran to the Colonel's desk, where I found twenty Louis D'Orre's, sealed up in a small box, labeled thus, to Olivia de Almburg. This sum, if used with care, will bring you through your lying in, but you must immediately discharge two of your servants, J. Walter. Here again the fair mourner's tears interrupted her recital, and must also put a stop to my translation, for the present. I wish extremely that I had finished the task I have undertaken, for the sympathy between us is so strong, that I feel my health wasting, as her tale proceeds. There is a story that some unhappy woman had blasted a great oak tree, once, by constantly mourning her grease beneath its shade. This fable does not appear unnatural to me, under my present sensations, and yet so sweet the poison is, that I would rather have listened to her, doful diddy, than to all the carols of the most festive mirth. What can be the reason of so unnatural a preference? How oddly compounded is the human heart, but most admirably framed, surely, for what appears to the vulgar to be his contradictions are in the language of philosophy, but its contrasts only. Its perfection consists in thus, as much as the harmony of nature depends on an opposition of elements, the heat of fire, the coldness of water, the heaviness of earth, and the lightness of air. You may observe that I take the advantage of every opportunity for reflection, in order to guard my mind as much as possible, from the danger of thinking. I shall leave you to explain this paradox to yourself, and am, my dearest friend, your truly affectionate, but unhappy sister, El Barton. Letter 30. Lady Barton to Miss Cleveland My dear Fanny, I am now sitting down to conclude, I hope, the sufferings of my fair narrator, which I shall endeavor to do without any further interruption, for though the listening to her story had a great deal of what I deem the luxury of woe in it, I fear that this delicate sensation may have evaporated from the frequent breaks in the recital, as much as the original spirit has in my translation, but at all hazards I will now proceed. On pursuing the shocking and surprising transcript, continued Mrs. Walter, my head turned round, and I had just presence of mine sufficient to convey it into my pocket, before I dropped upon the floor. The servants heard me fall, and came to my assistance. Happy would it have been for me, if they had spared their cruel officiousness, and suffered me to have expired at that moment. My distress and despondency upon this occasion may appear unaccountable, perhaps to others, and husbands leaving his wife, sometimes upon several occasions of business, was not so uncommon a case as to have alarmed me. But there is a sort of proestimate in the mind, which often forbodes approaching ills. Philosophy must here be at a stand. The circumstance cannot be accounted for from nature, as the present situation may have no sensible connection with the future events. Nor can such an effect be imputed to providence, neither, without the impurity of supposing it capable of rendering us wretched before our time, by giving us a hint of misfortunes to come, without supplying us with the means of avoiding them. Besides, did not the address of his billet, the styling me by my own surname, of the Almberg instead of Walter, or even that of all of it, which he had artfully profailed on me to assume, during a residence together at Marseille, sufficiently evinced that he no longer meant to consider me as his wife for the future. This circumstance too supplied me with a strong reason, also, to suspect that in reality I had no legal title to that claim, as the unknown person who had so clandestinely performed the ceremony might not probably have been properly qualified by the orders of any church to have officiated in the marriage rights. It was perhaps no small aggravation to my misfortunes to reflect that had not my own indiscretion aided his dishonor. I should not now have been so totally abandoned, unjustified, unfriended, and unsustained, to the sport of fortune, to the mercy of malignant, censorous, and umpitying world. Some days after this event, I was lying on my bed, in the state of stupid distraction, when the sudden stopping of a chase at my door roused me from my lethargy. I leaped out of bed, and flew down the stairs, crying out, he is returned, my life, my love, my husband. But judge of my astonishment, madame, when I saw Nanette enter the door. Her face was thin and pale, but she appeared farther advanced in her pregnancy than I, and seemed, from the expression of her counterance, to be at that instant in the pangs of labor. She accosted me with the grossest abuse, called me vile, deceitful wretch, and I had seduced her husband from her, that she was come to claim him, and to cover me with the infamy I deserved, alternately called for her, dear Colonel Walter, and implored assistance to save hers, and her infant's life. Amidst the variety of passions, which in those moments preyed upon my wretched heart, compassion was the strongest. I had her immediately conveyed to my chamber, and placed in my own bed, I sent for the bed assistance that could be had, and in a few hours she was delivered of a son, who lived but three days. The agitations of her mind brought on a violent fever, but given her ravings she continued to accuse me, as the sole cause of all her sufferings, and uttered the most feminine imprecations against me. From the moment Nannette's arrival, I could perceive that my servants treated me with blessed respect, than usual. They doubtless believed her story, and thought that my receiving her into my house was at once a proof of both of my guilt and fear. The physician and apothecary who attended her divulged the tale abroad, and I was looked upon by the whole city of Marseille, as one of the most abandoned wretches. I knew nothing that creates such an irksome sensation in the mind, as imputed guilt, but the very delicacy that makes us feel it most serves to restrain us from entering into a vindication. As this would be to admit, if possible, at least, it might be true. Under such a difficulty, I then labored, and this nicety, supported by the natural courage of innocence, inclined me rather to acquiesce in the censure, than engage in so public a justification of myself, as this unhappy woman's charge against me seemed to require. And she was not herself, at that time, in a fit condition, either of mind or body, to have listened to my defense. Nanette's delirium continued about fifteen days, during which time the miserable pittance that Colonel Walter had left me was exhausted, and I was seized with the pains of labor, without being mistress of a single leave or credit in the place. Death was, at that time, the supreme object of my wishes, yet in regard to my dear babe, that now approached the light I sent for my confessor, related to him every circumstance that I have repeated to you, implored his protection for the unborn innocent, and put a chagrin case which contained the portraits of both my parents, with some jewels in his hands, which had been bequeathed me by my dear mother on her deathbed, and which I had ever since preserved as a relic with the most pure devotion. Truth generally affords conviction to an ingenious mind. The good father heard my story, believed it, pitted my distress, and gave me every consolation that my wretched state could omit of, by administering the rites of the church, and assuring me, in the most solemn banner, that he would take the utmost care of my child, in case it should survive its unhappy mother. I likewise recommended Nanette to his humanity. He promised that while she remained ill, all her wants should be supplied, and if she recovered, he would furnish her with the means of returning home again to her mother. Peace once more took possession of my breast, and a thorough resignation to the will of heaven, triumphed for a while over that distracting inquietude, which had well nigh destroyed both my mind and body. But the arrow of incurable affliction was still lodged in my heart, and the temporary calm that I then enjoyed was occasioned rather by my weakness than my strength. It pleased heaven that I was soon and safely delivered of my beloved Olivia, and from the moment of her birth all selfish apprehensions vanished. I no longer felt a pain but for her, and never ceased lamenting her being involved in the miseries of her mother. Though doting on her as I did, I a thousand times wished she had been born of any other parent, and yet I am certain I would not have parted with her to a queen. In about ten days after I was brought to bed, by the good father, who had supplied me with every necessary, and visited me constantly, came into my chamber with an unusual vivacity in his looks. Be of good cheer, madame, said he. Providence never forsakes the virtuous and patient sufferer. Heaven has been pleased, though my weak endeavors to raise you up, a friend who is at once inclined and capable of relieving you from your distress. And establishing a certain supply for your future competence, madame Defriberg will be here in a few minutes, and is coming to take you under her roof and protection. But before it is possible for you to remove there, I will inform you how this instance of good fortune has been brought about, and furnish you with some instructions that may conduce towards rendering you agreeable to your patroness. But while he was yet speaking, the marchiness Defriberg entered and interrupted him. I have already told you that I had lodged the net in my own chamber, and was, of course, obliged to lie in, in my maid's room. The first words of marchiness uttered were, Heavens, what a place for the child of my friend. My dear madame, de Almberg, she stepped forward and embraced me, then raised her glass to her eye, and served me with the most critical and distressing attention. I was so extremely confused, both by the suddenness and manner of her entering, and address, that I could neither speak nor move. From the death of that dear mother she mentioned, I never seen a woman that was capable of inspiring me with respect, or, ah, before, her appearance commanded both. A sudden gush of tears relieved me for a moment, and seemed to soften the ferocious demeanor of my future benefactress. She quickly made an apology for having mentioned my mother, seated herself by me. Theyed aside her glass, and took my hand with infinite grace, but no softness. The matroness was about fifty years old. She was uncommonly tall, had been remarkably handsome, her eyes large, black, and piercing, but the whole contour of her counterance was rather hard than pleasing. There was an air of fear-ty expressed throughout her whole appearance that inclined you, at first sight, rather to fear than love her. She told me that my confessor, who was also hers, had informed her of my distress, but that chance had brought her acquainted with my being the daughter of her friend, that as such I might depend on her good offices, and regard and added that she hoped I would be ready to set out with her, in a few days, for Paris, where she was then going, and that she would order her woman to provide a proper nurse to leave my child with. The idea of parting with my daughter shocked me extremely. I fell at her feet, and as if she had been the arbitress of my fate, implored her not to divide me from my child, said that this infant was now the only blessing I possessed in life, and that nothing but death, or her happiness, should ever part us. She gazed at me with a mixture of surprise and contempt, and said that if Pear Glam had informed her I was such a pretty simpleton, she would have saved me and herself the trouble of a visit, but that she believed there was something contagious in folly, since she found herself inclined to comply with my absurd request, though she detested children, but that her hotel at Paris, being large enough to prevent her hearing its squall, I might bring the brat with me, provided I did not insist on her being plagued with it during our journey. I was transported with, even, this uncouth enforced permission. I kissed her hand and bathed it with my tears, told her she had rendered me extremely happy, and that I would endeavor to deserve her indulgence by every mark of gratitude and attention in my power. She seemed pleased and somewhat affected, and, acquitting me, she gave me a purse of fifty Louis de Orre's, bid me prepare for my journey, by that day said night, and she would not desire me to come to her house at Merci, because she meant to surprise her husband by finding me in her suite, without his knowledge, and desired that I might still retain the name of de Olivier. This was the most sudden transition I had ever experienced, from sorrow to joy, and though I could not possibly know what sort of state I was going to enter into, yet I thought any change must be for the better. It was also the first time I had ever had anything like business to transact in my life, and the having it in my power to discharge my debts and servants, composed my mind into a state of the most pleasing tranquility imaginable. Nanette, however, remained still a weight upon my spirits, in addition to that misfortune that then did and ever will impress them. In a short time after the marchiness had left me, the good father Guilam returned. He brought with him the chagrin case, which I had entrusted him with, the contents untouched, except a diamond ring, which he had been obliged to dispose of, to answer the expenses of my family, and delivered me twelve Louis de Ores. The remainder of thirty he had sold it for. The sight of my dear parents' pictures affected me extremely. I kissed and bathed them with my tears, and most peously thanked my good patroness in my heart for this article of her bounty, more than all the rest, that she had saved me from the misery of parting with those dear remains. Father Guilam told me that he had related my story to Madame de Freeburg, without mentioning who I was, and shrewd her, the jewels, in hopes that she would purchase them, which she refused, but the moment she beheld the portraits, she snatched up one of them, exclaiming with surprise and joy. This, this is, was my near relation, and my dearest friend, Olivia de Umburg, upon which he acquainted her with my name and family, and she promised on the instant to take care of me, but insisted on his not informing me that she had acknowledged any manner of affinity between us. He then gave me the marchinesses, character, and history, in a few words, pride, vanity, and insatiable desire of admiration, and a fondness for play, he said, were her great foibles, but that she was friendly, generous, and humane, when these virtues did not interfere with her passions. He said she had been married young to the Marquis de Freeburg, that he had been dead about ten years, and had left her immensely rich, that she had since married Monsieur de Louvain, a young soldier of fortune, who treated her very cavalierly, and of whom she was extravagantly fond and jealous. He told me that he had furnished me with this little chart du pat, in hope I should be able to steer my course by it to safety and happiness. He then informed me that he had written to a friend of his in Ireland to inquire after Colonel Walter, but that, as I had not been able to ascertain even the name of the province where his fortune lay, it was possible, nay probable, from the disoluteness of his character, that I might never see or hear of him again. He entreated me, therefore, to strive wholly to forget him, and devote my whole attention to the cultivation of the Marchinesse's friendship and the education of my child. He promised to remember me in his prayers, and to favor me with his advice by letter, then took a most affectionate leave of me, as he was obliged to quit Marcaille for a few days, to perform some business by command of his superior. I had not seen Annette from the time of my being ill, but as I knew she was recovering, though slowly I fancied I was, then able to bear an interview with her, and equate her with my design of quitting Marcaille. I meant to offer her every assistance in my power, and take leave of her I hoped for life. I accordingly proceeded to her chamber, but no words can express the surprise and horror that affected me at seeing her. Her whole frame was convulsed, and every feature distorted and enlarged. The moment she beheld me, she seemed to acquire new strength, and endeavored to revile me with as much bitterness as when she arrived first at Marcaille. She had, however, no longer the power of raising any passion in me but pity. I said everything that was possible to calm her mind, assured her I had never knowingly injured her, and that I had certainly been as much, if not more, imposed on, and deceived by Colonel Walter than herself. I then proceeded to relate with the utmost exactness the Colonel's whole behavior from his first meeting to his quitting me, during the recital of which she wept often. Her counterance became more placid and composed, and when I had finished my story, she asked my pardon a thousand times, for the injury she had done me, and confessed I was much more to be pitied than herself, on account of my youth and inexperience. She confessed, too, that the formalities of marriage had never passed between them, but shrewd me a paper he had given her by which he had engaged to acknowledge her as his wife at some future era, and with regard to the marked attention which he had shrewd to me, he assured her he meant nothing more by it than merely to deceive her mother, and in order to carry on the plot, said he was obliged to spend a few weeks at Embrun upon a particular business, and desired her to hold herself in readiness to come off to him there at a minute's warning on a summons which he promised to send her from thence. Matters being thus settled between them, her mind, she said, was quite at ease on his departure, till she heard of my elopement with him, the morning after it happened, which threw her into a state of distraction for several months, but not hearing from him all that time, and beginning at last to apprehend that her situation would quickly discover her misconduct, and cover her with infamy, she determined to follow him to Embrun, and as she could not suppose that he had ventured to have entered into firmer engagements with me, then he had already done with her. She considered herself as having a prior right to the title of his wife, and resolved to assert her claim. She then took a small sum of money from her mother, to whom at length she had revealed the secret, and came off post to Embrun, as it had been known that we had taken that route, but upon missing us there, she had, with almost incredible difficulty, and after numberless delays, attended by illness and fatigue on the way, traced us to Marseille, where she acknowledged that she owed her life to my unmerited humanity. She then poured forth many severe extracrations against Colonel Walter, said she would not return to Bricon, but, if she could recover, would pursue him all over the world till she had received satisfaction, at least in revenge for her perjured faith in villainy. She told me that my aunt had not expressed either rage or surprise at my going off, but seemed rather to be sufficiently consoled for my loss, by being freed from the expense of my future maintenance. There is a material difference between the belief and certainty of a fact, and though I had hitherto supposed that her insensibility might have prevented her from grieving at the impropriety of my conduct, or the misfortunes which might probably attend it, I could not bear to be convinced of my own insignificance by her inhumanity. I felt humbled and mortified at this account, as if I had received some fresh injury. Before I knew anything of Madame de Freeburg, I had many times thought of returning to Briancon, of throwing myself at my only surviving parent's feet, and of endeavouring to obtain her pardon for my offending self and her protection for my unoffending child. But now the idea vanished like a dream, and I thought of no other resource, but the marchiness's kindness. After having discharged all my little debts, I had about thirteen Louis d'Orre's left, and the day before I quitted Marseille, I took leave of the net, and presented her with ten of them. I begged to hear from her, and left a line recommending her to the care of the good Father Golem, and we parted from each other, with all the tokens and feelings of revived friendship. When the marchiness's equipage stopped at my door, I was ready to step into it, and my little girl was consigned to the care of her woman, who travelled in a chase behind us. Madame de Freeburg accosted me with great good humour, and praised my exactness in not keeping her waiting. The instant I opened my lips to reply to her politeness, Monsieur de Louvain lifted up his eyelids, which had been closed before, and seemed to awake from a profound slumber. He gazed at me with an expression of surprise in his look, and threw me into as much confusion as his lady had done on our first interview. From that moment he became lively, and so perfectly polite, and attentive to the marchiness, that not only she, but I was charmed with his behaviour, and her long journey was rendered perfectly agreeable by the pleasing concord that appeared between, as I then thought, this happy pair. On our arrival at Paris, the marchiness allotted me an apartment in her hotel, and ordered two of her women to attend, particularly on me and my child. She requested that I would get the better of my air-trist, and appointed a music master and a dancing master to instruct and fashion me. End of Letters 29-30, Recording by Linda Rie Nielsen, Vancouver, B.C.