 Can you believe it, Max? We're getting not one, not three, but two new campers today. Yep, it's really, truly horrifying. Horrifying? What? Are you afraid of making a few new friends? I'm not here to make friends, David. I'm here because campers were kids are sent when their parents don't want to deal with them. Why do you think we returned the favor when they hit 70? Hang on a sec. What are you even doing out here? Well, it's definitely not because the bus only comes in from the city to drop off and pick up campers, and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp. Definitely not that. Hey, language. Suck a dick. All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper. Is that really too much to ask? I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist. Oh, the bus is here. Hello, welcome to camp. Ah! Kids are here. Oh, that nature. Oh, that's the stuff. Well, hello there, little lady. You must be Nikki. My name is David. You're Kimp. Ah! Excuse me. Is this science camp? No, silly. This is adventure camp. Adventure? My mom said so, unless she was lying. Again. Sorry about that hand, by the way. Just exerting dominance, you know how it goes. And you must be Neil. Well, you two will be happy to know that Camp Campbell is both of the most stupid, prepubescent legs. Not today, child. Only one driving this bus is me. Oh, thank you, quartermaster. You're on your own now. Go on break. Be back for the bus at noon. Max, you are not leaving my side for the rest of the day. We'll see about that camp, man. So what's your deal? I'm just a kid trying to survive out here, Neil. Now let's go check out the camp, kids. The first stop on any good tour is the flagpole. I can't help but give it the official Camp Campbell salute every time I see it. Beside the flagpole is our mess hall, which, oh, sorry. Saw the flag again. Beside the flagpole is our mess hall, which is connected to the quartermaster store. It's here that we'll serve meals, hold announcements, and occasionally take part in camp activities. Tell them just how much you love it, Max. See, that's the sad thing. He still actually thinks that I love it. And who wouldn't? Now let's step inside and meet my co-counselor, Gwen, who's in the middle of a camp activity right now. Oh, man, you're going to love her. Good morning, Gwen. Motherfucker! Go! Go! This crank is going to hide like it's taking the cheese! Narn, you don't crank shit. Get down from there, space kid. Oh, dear. What is going on here? I'm telling you, if we leave now, I can howl out of that bus. This is amazing! Bus kid. What the gosh darn heck happened? Oh, space kid's just, you know, pushing me to my limits again. What? Well, we have new campers to introduce and orientate. Ow. Jesus, that's right. OK, let's show them the video. Actually, I was thinking I could play them that song. I'm going to stop you right there. No, I'll get the laser disc. OK. All you campers, head over to the activities field for your afternoon sessions. Oh. Just like. Uh-uh, not you, Max. Damn it. While someone please talk to me about science camp, none of those kids look too sciency. What about that astronaut kid? Astronauts? They want to be jocks of the scientific community, please. Don't you worry, kiddos. This video will explain everything. It was put together by our founder, Cameron Campbell, back when I was an eager young camper just like yourselves. He was an absolute legend. Sorry, is an absolute legend. A savvy businessman, extraordinary philanthropist, and one heck of an adventurer if I do say so myself. Oh, it's true. Mr. Campbell doesn't often have time to come visit the camp anymore, what with him traveling the globe, and I'm assuming, saving lives. But he'll always live on in our hearts and minds. It's like the man always said, we're here to have a great summer and camp a dean. Oh, if only he were here now. I'm here now. Ooh. Mr. Campbell? What are you doing here, sir? Well, I'm certainly not hiding from any authorities, if that's what you're thinking. What? Oh, come on, Davey. You think I've missed the opportunity to welcome our new Campbell campers to Cameron Campbell's Camp Campbell? You have for years, sir. Oh, Grace, you slay me. It's Gwen. What did I say? Hey, brawny guy? This is adventure camp, right? Yeah, so far every attempt to answer our questions just raises more questions. Hey, good for you. You're starting to catch on. Don't worry, kids. These two will take you on a tour of our great camp and answer any questions you might have. In fact, we should go on that tour right now, all of us together, away from this spot. Here at Camp Campbell, we pride ourselves on the variety of our curriculum. There's extreme sports camp, magic camp, space camp, theater camp, art camp. It's a dog. Other magic camp. Lightning bolt! And lots more, lots of stuff. How much more stuff? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I have a little song that I can sing. No. When Gwen's not around. By the way, Mr. Campbell, now that you're here, maybe we can discuss just exactly how we're meant to operate at this scale. Hey, is that kid trying to escape? If I can just get to that bus before it heads back. Looks like knitting camp wasn't as stupid as someone said. Well, Max, you are the bane of my existence. All right now, let's go. Excuse me? What the hell is this? Ah, I see you found it. That, my friend, is science camp. But, but, but, this isn't what I signed up for. I just wanted science camp. Not science camp and more. I don't want more. Well, that's why you read the fine print sport. See, right there, and more. Now, you can't sue us. So what, it's just some sort of camp camp? Well, I mean, I wouldn't exactly call it out like that. But yes. This is bullshit. Whoa, check out the balls on New Kid. Where? I don't know what kind of operation you think you're running, but I won't stand for it. I'm a man of science. You think you can rummage together some outdated equipment and call it a laboratory? Look, kid, I know it's not. Stand down, Gretchen. I'll speak to the children. Kids, I'm going to be blunt and honest with you. When I opened Camp Campbell all those years ago, I had one goal and one goal only, to create the most popular and successful summer camp in the world. But times have changed. Things like the internet, video games, and the Affordable Care Act are ruining this great country of ours, and the children of today just aren't interested in a traditional summer camp. But America isn't a traditional country. So why settle for anything less? You've got two acceptable counselors, one hell of a quartermaster, and endless possibilities here at Camp Campbell. And by God, as long as I'm here. Code black, code black, gotta go. Sir, where are you going? The nearest international waters, Davey. Have a great summer, kids. Oh, God, it's coming back. The crippling anxiety and regret. Uh, Gwen? Well, time to be getting out there, bus, back to that their city. Neil, that bus has our only chance out of here. Do you want to spend the rest of your summer at this godforsaken place? Or do you want to enjoy the sweet taste of freedom? Why did I get a liberal arts degree? Let's get the fuck out of here. Making a break for it? I can make a distraction for you. Why would you help us? I'm an agent of chaos. Hey, David! Yes, Nikki? How about you pick up our spirits with that camp song you won't shut up about? Well, that's a great idea. Oh, Jesus Christ, no. Oh, there's a place I know that's tucked away, a place where you and I can stay, where we could go to laugh and play and have adventures every day. I know it sounds hard to believe, but guys and gals, it's true. Camp Campbell is the place for me and you. The kids are gone. I'm sorry. No running. Max, get back here. You are being a bad influence on our new campers. Never! Can I come up here, David? I know, Sal. We're so close. Well, I mean, in hindsight, none of us really know how to drive. Yeah, honestly, Max, how far did you expect to make it? I'm gonna be real. I just always wanted to drive a bus. Well, kids, I hope we all learned something today. Oh, no, I hope you learned, David. I hope you learned that before today, you only had one little bastard to deal with. But now you've got three. Let's go, guys. I'll take you to our tent. This is gonna be awful. Oh, come on, Gwen. Look at the bright side. Max made not one, not three, but two new friends today. Now with the sound that we're expecting.