 Leave it in the bin. It's not your baby. Sorry. Welcome to episode number five of the Marty, Michael, fully actual podcast. Hopefully this one doesn't get age restricted immediately. Last week's did. Mine has half of this season has been age restricted so far. And it's quite a conundrum. We just got age restricted. You're lying. Yeah, already. No, you're lying. And you said yes. So you are lying. How many foods have you done today, Brown? How many what? Who's none today? Anyway, the reason we got age restricted was for the man scaped ad read last week. Connor, show the screenshot of the email I got. You can go and check yourself. So who was that from YouTube? YouTube. And I can't appeal it because I don't want some cunt from YouTube watching one of our full entire podcast because of the things that come out of your mind. Your mind. My back so sore. Yeah, that's because you've been lifting. It is Brown's birthday today and we have a gift for him. We have two gifts. We have a birthday gift and we have a new chair. You got me a birthday gift? I did. It is Matt Brown's forty seven. It's not my fucking forties. Some says on the blue. I am thirty six years old. And if you'll see here, we have cream and do that with. That's party, party, party time. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Party party everywhere on the set. Party time because it's Matt's birthday and that's going to leak into the carpet and it's going to be fucked. It's crazy, crazy party time around here. It's Matt's birthday. And man, we have an episode for you guys. Wow, wow, everyone. And I'm thirty six. That's same thing, I think. Yeah, thirty six in like your quelch years. But in human years, you're in between forty and fifty. No one knows your exact age. Doctors can't figure it out on trees. You just see how many rings there are. But for Brown, it's like it's just brown. What's just everything's just been down these clothes because I feel itchy. Yeah, I wore them the other day, actually. I'll explain it. We haven't really had a full week of work this week. The hardship after the podcast last week. I'll just quickly fill you in. Went to the gym Thursday morning and did a run on the treadmill and then fucking started feeling real lightheaded and fucked after. So the boys took me to the doctor, had to go to the cardiologist. And then I went to the cardiologist on Monday and he doesn't think it's SVT, right? He thinks it's I'm developing atrial fibrillation, which is that thing that makes your heart flutter because of my high blood pressure. And he also said this is his exact words. The heart, your heart walls could be thickening after he looked at one of my ECGs. So that's pretty scary. A while back, you said you had to get your heart and sorry, your blood pressure under control. Have you not been able to? No, I didn't get it under control. Like I like I live a reasonably healthy lifestyle, but I did continue to weed a lot of weed and drank every now and then, which I think is a problem. So now I'm off everything. I started doing acupuncture, I'm just fucking doing everything I fucking possibly can to get it down. But it looks like I may need to go on some medication for a little while to fucking bring it down. But yeah, it's not. So next week, I go, I got to wear a fucking heart rate thing. I got to get another heart echo and then some more tests, blah, blah, blah. And then if, yeah, if it's still, I can't get the blood pressure down or whatever, then I need to go on some medication. So yeah, it's a bit of a stressful and it's shit because we can't fucking like throw ourselves into work. At least it makes me very anxious when I get the little heart flutters. And it's just fucking, man, if I could go back in time in my 20s, I would fucking and just see 20, even 18 year old me, I'd just fucking backhand me so fucking hard, as hard as I fucking could and say, just fucking, it's not cool to get fucked up four to five times a week. It's not cool to do that for 12 years and just fucking bang, bang, bang. It's over and over again until I was knocked unconscious. God, I wish I could do that right now, man. I would fucking do that. What was I gonna say? Yeah, if you were getting hammered that much, obviously. I think it's just a mix of it. Me personally, I think it's just a mix of huge drinking periods, huge drug periods, and then huge weed periods and overall no sleep. Do you think your body's more susceptible to it? Everything's just accumulated and here I fucking am. But I still think that there's a natural way out of this. I'm just gonna, the fucking, the medication will still be the last resort for me. But yeah, if the heart started to thicken or whatever, then I don't really have a choice. Oh, man, fucking, health can get fucked. That's it, dude. Fucking, that's, if you're in your 20s now, like just be fucking careful, because trust me, it's not worth it. It's just not worth it. The anxiety now and the, of the unknown and like, yeah, it's just fucking shit. It's the shitest thing in the world. It's hard to try and come and film fucking funny, try and be funny and get hurt and shit like that when you're fucking stressing about this shit. It's not on. Anyway, let's move on. The, it's Matt's fucking birthday and he's full of calm. Oh! Are you having a nice birthday, Brown? Oh, well, I'm here with you too. Of course, it's nice. You did that. It came out of you, dude. But I wanted to do the podcast on my birthday, so. Yeah, so. So we do have a new chair for the Brown today and Michael said we do have a gift. We have PO box. We have Matt vs. Michael. We may not have who's a better Brown because we accidentally told the person the wrong day. So I don't know if they're available right now, but we're going to give them a call anyway. But look, it was. It was, yeah. It was very, very. And we're going to do a screaming segment again this week. But anyway, screaming segment again. Yeah, because we don't have a guest, so we'll do a screaming segment and we'll give you the chair. Bringing it back. Yeah. And we might leave Greg a voicemail. What? It's raining. The fucking air con didn't turn off. No, no, it needs to calm down. Oh, fucking hell, you pressed it off. No, it's not how life works, mate. I like the sound of that. It's calming. I find it calming. That's bullshit. It's not off. You're wearing a wedding dress. The fan thing needs to. Matt, you look like Emily the Strange and Michael's wearing a wedding dress. I think I've got tape on mine. We've been we've been planning our wedding. I've done a wedding fucking more meetings and shit. And we're all going to suit shopping tomorrow. Fuck me, man. I'm so glad weddings are just a once a lifetime thing because Jesus. It's expensive and time consuming. It was just I just hate organizing shit like that. It's just like yes to everything that you want to ask me and just leave me alone. Oh, man. Have you been told what to get or what to do? Yeah, I don't even like talking about it. So I find it so boring because I don't care about any of that shit at all. So when I get the day and just it's obviously looking forward to getting married, but the day itself is fucked. You turn it back on. I can turn it off. It wasn't off. Stupid. Seven hundred dollars for that. And it barely works. So hot in this fucking dress. How come in between three different houses, we haven't been able to sort the hair con? It's stupid. I'm hot. We filmed some funny video. We did get a website video done, didn't we? It was quite scary. Yeah, man. Pickleball is fun. We glued thumbtacks to a pickleball and the punishment was you get hit if you lose the set. And one of them just lodged into Michael because all the thumbtacks were at different angles and you just couldn't get it out. It's just stuck in his body. He was panicking. He was fully panicking. He got stuck in his fat. I had to like every individual prong I had to pry out. Did he get stuck to the fat cells? Yeah, you want to see? I'll show you after. It's so funny. Only on the website. Don't show the free trial. University of Michael, 20-day free trial. Sign up if you want to support us. Yeah. What cast is free? I've never signed up. Also, you know that big thing that we were talking about? Oh, this big thing that happened. It has happened, but Julian's in Bali and can't edit the video yet, so we can't talk to you about it yet. But that will be up. So you'll be listening to this on Monday. So in six days on the website, that big video that we're talking about will be on the website. So if you sign up now, you're 21-day free. You can swatch it. And plus 250 more crazy shit. It's our best and funniest shit, man. We just put out which employee hurts the most. Yeah, we did, didn't know. Yeah, that's it. Oh, it will be out now. I'm not in that. Because I'm not an employee, am I? Yeah, well, YouTube is you're doing your other job. Well, I'm not really an employee yet, am I? No, of course not. A clown here. All right, let's fucking do these fucking... Wait, should we give Matt his present? Yeah, his present? All right, Matt, you're gonna have to just fucking close your eyes. No, I don't want to... I've actually been thinking about it. I've been looking at Matt's birthday gift present on the board. Oh, do you want your birthday gift first? Yeah, I'll still give it first. We'll do the chair when we're meant to do the guest. Is it... Close your eyes. Last time it was a pocket pussy, I don't know. Close your eyes. Did you use that, by the way? Of course he did. He's got it on his cock right now. Promise. It's still in the box. He hangs it on there and goes to work. You should definitely get on that. It is not bad. Michael's used them before. Okay. All right, close your eyes. Close your eyes. Oh, sorry. Fucking Harry Potter. Emily the Strange. Hang on a sec, hang on a sec. Hang on a sec, hang on a sec. Close your fucking eyes. Do you not listen? You're not listening to me. I said hang on a sec. Oh my God, priests. Okay, I run this. I want to be a priest. All right, are you that dropping? So, Michael, what have you just given him? What have you just given him? Open your eyes. You didn't give me anything, okay, good. No, that's not true. What's in front of you there? A new extension cord for the connections. All right, that's good. It's practical, handy, and handy. Andy twice. That was a weak joke. You guys need to do better. This is a serious podcast. I don't even know what Michael's doing. I just decided last second we get your gift. Hey, look, that's that. You know, they are handy to be fair. Can we borrow that, though, during the weeks? You can have it. Thank you. Thank you. All right, and that's Matt's present. Let's move right along to the sponsors. That was stupid. Now, as you all heard, I can't. I'm going to have to rein in some of my passion for the Manscaped ad. So I'll do my best. Okay, I'll see if I can get the message across without being too nasty for YouTube. Yeah. Be bossy, body, body positivity. Yeah, yeah, something like that. I'll just take a second to remind everyone to like, comment, subscribe, and give us a five-star review on Spotify. I read some comments, people were like, oh, how do you give a five-star review on Spotify? It's just scroll to the top of our, you go Marty, Michael, fully actually, we scroll to the top, and then you give a five-star review. If you don't usually listen on Spotify, you have to press play on one of our podcasts first, and then just like skip through it a bit. Do they have to have a... And then you can give it a five-star review. Do they have to be a paying member of Spotify? I think if you're a casual, it doesn't have to be a five-star review. Well, anyway, I put a test out like two weeks ago to see if we can get it to 2K. It was at 1.7 or 1.8. Let's see if people fucking listened. All right. And it's fucking hot. I've already looked at this, so I know the answer already, and it's very funny. All right, so we were on 1.7, we put the call out and we said, please everyone, give us a five-star review. And now we are at 1.7. Our ringworms just don't listen to us. Hang on, let me have an explanation for this. One, you put it out on the podcast last week, they got age-restricted, so not many people have seen it. All right, so... Man, it's still like 8,000 people saw it. No, not even. Age-restricted really fucks shit up. That's why we're stressing, because we rely on word of mouth, purely word of mouth for this podcast. There's so many other podcasts that fucking monetize and they get shown to fresh new people all the time. Not this one. So we need you guys to tell your uncles, come on. Talk about it, fucking like, comment, subscribe, and five-star reviews. It's the only way we're gonna grow this fucking thing, because yeah, now we're getting age-restricted, it has begun, and next is deletions, and then it strikes, and then we're gonna miss out on being able to post for a week, and then we get another strike, and then it's a month, and then after that, we're done. And Matt goes back to his fucking concrete office and slits his wrists, and mixes it in with all the concrete, and there'll be red buildings everywhere. It's bloodcrete. Bloodcrete, cunt! That's not far off of the truth of what would happen. And not to kill himself, just his relief. Yeah, just as a bit of relief. And we don't recommend anyone ever does that. Anyone from YouTube as well. I really do want to do the website video where we test, it is Michael. Michael? No, age-restricted. All right, anyway, let's all three of us this week do the Athletic Greens ad. Okay. All right, how about we go like two sentences each? All right. Athletic Greens has 75 essential nutrients and minerals that comes in a powder form, and we have it every day, and we all notice a big difference, cunt. It is from New Zealand, and New Zealand is green, also like the packet. I had Athletic Greens at work, and I was able to fire someone in a complete and perfect way. Wow, that's crazy. I must say I had some before. Oh, sorry, interrupted. Also, sometimes when I'm feeling sick or I've had a very big unhealthy meal, I offset all of the damage that I've done with a cup of delicious Athletic Greens, and it reverses all the damage I'm doing to my body. I'm trying to lose weight so I don't eat. So when I'm hungry, I have this and I feel full. And just to be clear, this does not cure cancer. Hey, I don't know. I had Athletic Greens the other night, and I swear my loads were bigger. Yeah, well, it does, it covers you, all right? You don't even know what you're deficient in right now, bro. So have Athletic Greens, because you're covered. The whole spectrum is covered then, all right? You don't need to go and have variety in your diet no more. I'm gonna go ahead and say this. If we had this back in our 20s, you wouldn't have your heart issues now. I'd agree with that. I wouldn't. I would. And look, you've got fucking energy immune system. It's good for your gut health and digestion. Liver functions horny, hormone functions horny. Horny. Brain and neural functions horny. It's hot and horny. Body's normal detox process gets more horny. The blood sugar levels already horny within normal range horny. So it's a subscription, you subscribe, and they just deliver to your front door. And then yet sort of outsource a big chunk of your health, you don't need to worry about it. You live for a much longer time. Who doesn't want that? Can't do. You can also snort it. Just to be clear though, we have to say that it doesn't, last week we said it cures cancer. We don't know that for sure. What do we have to do? Because some of the legal reasons. Fuck we got upset, didn't we? Yeah. What a fucking loser. No, it might not. It might have been being sarcastic. I don't know. It's hard to tell these days. Yeah. So anyway, that's Athletic Greens. Go to athleticgreens.com slash fully actual, and you get a free travel pack and you can have your Athletic Greens on the go, everyone. That's crazy, that's crazy, Adry. That won't get us age restricted. Yeah, there you go, YouTube. We are safe. Isn't that nice, everyone? Ah, that's better. We're all having a safe time. Okay, fucking manscaped. Now, I've noticed that a lot of our audience has hair protruding from odd spots. Some comes out of, you get to your late 30s, it starts to crawl out of your shoulders and you're up and back and you get the kind of welcome mad above your arse. Like my knees. Big, thick, hairy, black hair and you stop caring. Hair means you've stopped to care. Okay? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So you go to manscaped.com slash fully actual 20 and use their products to help trim back your hair because that means that you're starting to care. You do it once, just try it. Just do it one time and see how you feel. See how the confidence makes you feel. See how it makes your life fucking better. Does your fucking getting it? Does it getting it? You need to look good if you want to feel good, if you want to do good, if you want to fuck. If you want to fuck, go to manscaped.com. Oh, your sweet, sweet balls. So smooth and silky, fragrant, fresh nuts. Any slut will suck your nut. Any slut will suck your nut. Go to manscaped.com. Go to manscaped.com. Fully actual 20% off to get your slots to suck your nut. What was the code again? Fully actual 20 to get your slot to suck your nut. Bear your back and show you care. Fucking shave your skin off. You fucking shave your skin off, you can't, because they're that good. I think that one's okay. Also for women. And women, come on, shave your chest and face. Men don't want, we have to pretend to say it's okay, but come on, man. Yeah, nah. Let's be real right now, bro. We ain't coming tonight. We ain't gone down like Harry Khan. We'll have a stab at it, boy. Gone down at it. We'll have a stab at it with me caught. We'll have a tattoo with me, Tang Khan. We'll have a jab, we will have no slurp. That's going to get us fucking... I don't think that's going to work. I think that's okay. We'll have a jab. I ain't gone down on no egg. Anyway, manscape.com, full actual 20% off. And also the University of Marker, our subscription website, which funds our entire life. See the behind the scenes of our lives. See vlogs, see huge, long, inappropriate sketches. See big, massive stunts and explosions. We went to someone's house on the weekend and we recreated a black hole. We blew up huge scientific bombs. Even I was there. We started a fire. We started a bush, nearly started a bush fire. So scary. It's going to be on the website. We can't put that shit on social media, bro. It's too dangerous. So 21 Free Trial, see if you like the content. And there's a new brand new website coming. And I don't want to say too much, but this year the website, we've got... Yeah, it's going to be... Oh, I'm so excited for it to finally launch because then we can just fucking talk about it and tell you guys how much better it is because fuck me, it's been such a long progress. The reason it's taking so long is we are crossing our T's and dotting our I's because we don't want any fuck ups anymore. We just want it to be perfect so that it's just perfect for a long, long time. Not just perfect and then it grows a bit and then mistakes start to happen and then fucking this and fucking that. We want to be perfect forever. That's what it's taken a while. And it will expand. We've got plans to expand. And maybe not just us making fits. Who knows? Maybe Brown. Maybe the Browns. Browning. Look, we want to make our website to be like the mini Netflix of just fucking cooked cunts. That's what the end goal is. Would you Brown? Brown? If we paid you... Oh yeah, we should get Brown on board. $200 a week. Would you do a cooking video every week for the website? Isn't that a bit more... Isn't that similar to other people we know? Okay, what about this? I'm thinking... I'm thinking... What about Browns Browning? And you shit and critique your shit and you show your shit, but you have to handle it. Or you go out and be really aggressively, physically flirtatious with women. With strange women and... I can't do the second one. I'll get in trouble. I don't know. Would you handle your poos for us for $200 a week? What, a video every week? Yeah, and show your poos and you talk about it. Show your poos and you talk about it. Browns Browning. Oh, what about that idea I had for you that Matt can do it? Yeah, yeah. When Matt, we give Matt, like... So in the mornings, he must eat half a kilo of corn. More set meals. He inspects his shit that night. And then the next day, he's half a kilo of beetroot, which would make his shit so bright red. He had bubblegum ice cream, makes it blue. Makes it blue. And then we just inspect his shit. You can do it with a stick. You don't have to use your hands. $200 and you do one video a week about a poo. No. Okay. Browns Browns. I'm a tough sell. You need to be better than that. Oh, have you thought about getting either... I'll tattooed 10 grand. You would do it. For life. On the center, even when you marry a man, will you still have it? Yeah, I even had a chat with her about it and see what she thought. I guess I was considering it. What did she say? Did she... I love how the way you're sitting. It's cute. Yeah, it's best for my back. It's sort of like... He's sitting like a mer-man. Can you get your horn out? Is it not out? Yeah, no. Because it's on the... It's like it's put forward for me. Yeah, that's better. Sexy bitch. What was I going to say? When will this take place if it does? I don't know, yeah. I don't know, maybe tomorrow. Also, speaking of things that aren't taking place yet, the pubo box, we might have some pubes. If we get one, we'll pull the box out. Yeah, we've got some PO packages. So ring me up. Oh, yeah. Very exciting. We'll open those later. All right. Moving on. Moving on. Can you press the horoscopes button first, please, Brent? I don't know. I need to... It's the red one. The red one at the top. It's not the red one. Yes, it is. It is. Horoscopes. Sorry. This is a compilation of all the top-leading expert horoscopians, and I've compiled everything. And this is what they are, OK, for Michael, Matt, and Julian. Taurus, which is Michael. As Earth moves into the low socioeconomic region of the Milky Way, you may have to tell the hookers on your street corner to fuck off. Watch on as toddlers get sucked out to see an aggressive rips this weekend and hit on their panicking mothers. Glue your dick to a fan and put it on high. Don't drive or you will go blind, cunt. There's a rock in your pocket. You don't have a pocket. Otherwise, there probably would be. Yeah, wow. That's crazy. If you did have a pocket, there would be a rock in it. What's that noise? He checked. He thought it was. He thought I'd snuck one in. That'd be good if he did. All right, Julian's, Julian's horoscope, which is I don't even know what it is, like the fucking fish or some shit. No, I'm the fish. Sorry. He's a rat. All right, Julian's horoscope is the rat. The moon shot sparks out of it because of electricity and that that means you should have a win at the pockies as long as you do the $1 spins. The Centrelink line will be extra long this week. So bring a goon bag and condoms, paint some flames on your Honda Civic and don't let your dad pull out if he wants a fuckier. Fill a Kohl's bag with petrol and scullet. You will fuck a bloke. It will happen, cunt. Oh, my God. All right, and now Pisces, which has we just wait. Oh, it's the pipe outside with the water going through it. Stupid. Yeah, sorry. All right, now, Matt's kind of just turned into Matt telling me about his weekend. What? This is good for quelch. Hmm. I was using a razor to gently slice the flesh of a dead rat watching the blood trickle out. I chuckled to myself as my eyes swell with lust and my eyelids peel back. As my eyes engorged, I sensed movement out of the corner of my eye. My eyes flick over in the direction of the movement and I see out through my kitchen window that a man was walking around my car. My body reacts to the potential threat. I get my scuttle over to the window for a closer look. Interesting. A chubby man in his 40s wearing some kind of uniform was printing out a piece of paper and placed it on my car. A 1994 Brown Suzuki Swift. I compressed my body and slide out the gap under the front door and confronted the man. Who are you? And what are you doing to my 1994 Brown Suzuki Swift? Sorry, mate, but you can't park on the yellow line. I'm going to have to give you a fine. We stood silent for a second. I was not sure exactly what he was saying, but it seemed like he was flirting with me by saying that he thought I was fine. Have you put your phone number on that piece of paper? Yeah, you can call the city council if you want to dispute the fine. I chuckled to myself and the man looks confused. Oh, no, darling, I'm not disputing the fact that you think I'm fine. I'm quite flattered you think I'm so fine, to be honest. OK, well, you can pay the fine online if you want. Oh, dear, sir, you don't have to pay me if you want. If you want all you need to do is ask me if you want me. I really think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying here, sir. By now I've had enough of this man's strange flirting and I charge him with my mouth agape. My mouth suctioned onto his forehead and he tries to push me away. I assume he's playing hard to get. I grab his arms and pin them back onto my 1994 Brown Suzuki Swift. I suck hard on his forehead and the man starts to scream, no, no, please, ah! I thrust forward and cried my crotch onto his. I stiffened and my little brown stabs into the man's flaccid cock and balls. I suck his forehead so hard that I feel his skull crack and he stopped screaming. I release his forehead and spin him around. I drive my hips into his ass and his head explodes through the front windscreen of my 1994 Brown Suzuki Swift. I grab a hold of his hip so hard that I feel my fingertips break through his skin and enter his fat and muscles. I keep dry humping his ass so ferociously as I can until my sharp cock tears through my pants then his. I enter his ass and my fucking intensifies. I cock my head back and moan loudly as the pleasure of feeling his colon tightly wrapped around my rock hard little brown sends me into a frenzy. Oh! My nuts tense and my cock hold tears in all directions as my mince bellows out of me. I feel him within seconds and my mince gushes out of his mouth, ears and eyes. I keep pound banging this can until my ball bag is completely drained. I unplug myself in a mixture of blood and mince slop onto the road. I snap back to reality. I notice my shocked neighbors standing in their driveway watching. He just killed this parking inspector. Parking inspector? No, no, no. This man wanted me to have him. He kept saying how fine I was. I ignore my crying neighbors and do up my pants. As I casually stroll back into my home, I book my 1994 brown Suzuki Swift in for a service to get that windshield fix. What a pleasant man he was. You murdered a man? Wait a second. That's not a horoscope. You've literally pulled a half out of my book. No dude, you sent that to me. You sent that to me because your dad has asked you to start training again because you've got to save Quelsch. I don't send anything. Well, you've taken that from somewhere. I've taken it from your phone. You write down all your haves. He's got a Barbie right now in his hand. That's how you know that he's relapsing. Look at him. One finger on the front and one on the back of it. She's actually pretty hot. Yeah, see? Look at her. Is that Barbie? I think it is. Man, you murdered a man through dick. You killed him with your dick. I think he was trying to give you like a parking fine, man. I didn't think he was calling you fine. Do you get that now or are you still a bit confused? She won't sit. He doesn't want to broach the subject. Let's just move on. All right, guys. We're fixing. You have to do with it. It's a pipe. It's a pipe attached to the house. You're not going to be able to do anything. You're just sweating like that. What do you mean? You're getting a fuck to Michael Luke's in his fucking shit wetting dress and what do you mean? You're getting a fucking lipid hat. You can't. It's just a pipe attached to the window. We're not going to be able to fix it. We're just going to have to. You can't do anything about it. Yeah, it's just going to make the sand into the bucket then you can't fit a bucket under it. Like it's attached to the ground to let's just move on, man. If you go out there and have a look, it's attached to the ground. You won't be able to do anything about it. Just pretend it's a little drummer. Just pretend it's a little drumming. A little drummer boy. All right. It's time for Matt versus Michael. It's the sound of juicier. Matt versus Michael. Where can you fucking play the Matt versus Michael fucking soundtrack cut? You got it the first time. Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael today. Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael. It's Matt versus Michael today. Yay. Come, come, come have fun. Come, come, come open. What's up, come have fun today. Bottle of Cums. All right, as you all know, this is a ferocious competition. And the winner gets to keep this right here, Bottle of Matt's Mints that took him months to create. It is the most important thing in our lives. And they are battling every week. I am testing them physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually to see who the better man is and whoever the better man is will keep the bottle. It's 3-1 to Michael so far. Can you put your seat down? Because you guys will need this area in front of us. Oh. It's physical? Kind of. I can't do anything physical on my lap. Yes, you can, Matt. I'm quite paid. This favors you. OK? This favors me? Yeah. Yes. Tell that to the arm wrestling. All right, guys, for this week's Matt vs. Michael. Here we go. We will have a sex position competition. Boom! They will take it in turns to do one sex position. So Matt will use Michael for a sex position and then Michael will use Matt for a sex position. Matt will use Michael for a sex position and so on and so forth until one of them cannot know, doesn't know what another sex position is. So when you're out of ideas, that's it. You're done. You lose. You lose ages. So whoever knows the most sex positions wins. You're going to have to get a bit of... Who it is, it's just me and Matt getting sexually... You're going to have to get a bit of paper to write these down, like to keep score. No, it's like, it's just if you remember one. Yeah, it's one for one and whoever can't think of one. All right, let's let's get into this. This is going to take so long. What are you, the term of sutra? Man, I won't know his missionary. I hope so, because this will end... Well, that's why I thought these favours, Matt, because Matt's done all sorts of freaky shit. I've seen him fucking spread out in a man with his... Been in orgies. Splayed apostatutes. What the fuck, man, what the fuck? All right, who would like to go first? All right, first the boys are doing... First the boys are doing missionaries. First the boys are doing missionaries. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? Just get down and fucking bang me for a sec. All right, so Michael's first and he's going into what looks like missionaries. I'm going to relax. All right. All right, so, Eddie, just a couple of times, just to be... You've deflated the brand. You've deflated the brand. Don't sit down. Don't sit down. Matt's going to fuck you now. All right, Matt. Put Michael into whatever position you want. All right, how do you want Michael? All right. All right, so Matt is doing doggy right now. All right, so he's... No, no, no, we're not getting into that. We're not getting into the finer details. There's only one doggy. All right, grab his hips and have a thumb. All right. All right, Michael, you want to... Put your back on the ground. Put your back on the ground. All right, Michael is now squatting. No, that's a position, though. All right, so what's that on top? All right, Michael is being cowgirl, so cowgirl is now out of the way. All right, you can't do reverse cowgirl, either. Because that's... We need to speed this up a bit. So cowgirl, you've got reverse cowgirl. Obviously, all right, Matt's up to you. What do you got? It's similar to doggy, I would call it something. All right, lying down doggy. So Michael's lying on his belly, flat, and Matt's on his arse, pounding down at his arse. All right, all right, have a go. Have a fuck of him. Have a fuck of him. All right, Michael, what do you got? Put your back on your back. Oh, you want to go? Like spoons? All right, Michael's going spoon-tick smart, so he's spooning Matt. That's how he fucks. All right, Matt, what do you got for us? That's it, like that. When you cross over here. You can push them to the side a little bit. Okay, Matt, calm down. Matt's really getting involved here. All right. What do you got for us, Michael? Oh, man. This is outstanding. This is just outstanding. How's it, Michael? He's scissoring Matt. Michael is scissoring Matt right now. That's counts, yep. You count that? Yeah, yep. That's 100%. I can see that working. Don't make me check it with actual biology. What are they calling us? I don't know what they call us, but it's like... Legs have a shoulder. Legs have a shoulder. Matt is pushing his knees back to his ears and driving him home. All right, Michael, what do you got, if anything? You guys know a lot of sex positions. Good work, boys. It's truly testing every part of you. It's hard. That's kind of like what Matt did. This is a fail, I would say. Yeah, no, that's... I can't accept it. Wait, wait, wait. Whether it's a fail or not. Yes, that was a fail, unfortunately. All right, so Matt's just done that. He's just done that. All right, Michael's reaching. Oh, are you giving up? Oh, so I can still keep going? Yeah, you can have another shot. You can have a crack. All right, well, maybe we should... I thought it was normal sex. So we can do oral stuff as well? No, no oral stuff. It must be penetration. Yeah, titty fucking is out and 69 is out. 69 would be very funny to see from you, boys. I must admit. Maybe just... I'm brains or five? Five. I'm ready for the next one. Four, three, two, one. All right, Matt, for the win. What can you do? Oh, Michael, I would like you to get into... All right, Michael's in the push-up position right now. Oh, my God, he's doing it. He's pulling out the wheelbarrow. Oh, my God. The wheelbarrow wins it for the Brown. Oh, my God. Matt Brown wins it. See, Matt, I knew you could do it. That's two in a row. So three... I feel sick, Shane. Three, two now to Michael. He's still in the lead, but Matt's got some momentum. Wow, this is going to be a hard-fought series. That was the worst thing I've done in quite some time. Yeah, that was different, eh? Yeah. I don't like banging my mates. Oh, man, that was... Yeah, boys, very good. This is good competition. That's what I wanted. Fuck me. That's good shit. All right, guys. All right, guys. We're going to have a big, fat, bong break, and we're going to come back with Matt's new char. I don't like he's gone outside to get the chair. I was closed now, Brown. I was closed now, Brown. I was closed. All right, Michael is bringing in the chair. It is an actual chair this time. All right. All right, Brown. Come and have a seat, Michael. There it is. Get a close-up of that. All right, can you take the price tag off? How much did you spend? Okay, I'll leave it on. You spent a lot of money? Oh, yeah. All right, guys. Oh, no. Oh, is that a good thing? Okay. Just listen first. No, it's not. It's a shit chair because it took easy to get in. Listen. I was creaking before. It's not anymore. All right, ready? Three, two, one. Bang! It's a rocking chair. It's a fucking rocking chair. It's got to be a bit in the middle, in the bottom. Yeah, yeah, there's a bit of a hole there, but you can feel that. It's better than the ground. You're not going to feel that? I don't know. There's only one way to find out, Brown, and that's to take a seat, Brown. Happy birthday. This is an antique rocking chair. $50. You paid $50 for a piece of junk. It's an antique rocking chair. Let's see if I'm in antique shop. I would have been so... Look at this. Look at this comfort you're about to experience. It looks stupid. Look at this comfort you're about to experience, Brown. All right, Brown, why don't you stand up and let's have a go. You can even sit like here if you want, right here. Can't I just get a comfy chair for once? What do you mean, Matt? You don't know this is comfy yet. It might be comfy. Like that leg you had, that one leg, that was shocking. The one leg was good. And that other chair you had, that fucking corrects your posture. That was a fucking ripper, too. All right, let's adjust that angle on Matt to get him in now. Let's see how it goes, eh? Just be careful you don't break your computer. I'm not sitting down. And... What do you think, Matt? It's sore. I need to get in the butt. Yeah, just go with it. There you go. No, it's not going to break. Trust the antique. Trust the antique of it. Talking to your mic. Yeah, it's going to break. It doesn't feel very good. What are you feeling about it? It's loose. It's a rocking chair. It's nice. Eh? What do you think? Eh? It doesn't feel good. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Matt. And happy new chair day, bro. You got that for the next five episodes. Off the ground? Do you want your play, Matt, still? Yeah, I think I can leave it there. Yeah, I think it's comfort for his foot. It's comfort for his foot. All right, there you go, guys. So it's a rocking chair with the middle, the bit where you sit. It's missing. I feel like an old man. I feel like an old man. You look like a fucking Emily the Strange. Hey, I'm back. See? He likes it. And then you can rock around a bit. Like a rock star. Wow, you're so rock star right now. Is there a trick to this? Because I feel like you're last. I'm just so hoping it breaks. It did creak like it would. If anyone has any chair suggestions, please DM Marty and Michael. Not the fully actual because Matt will see it. DM Marty and Michael, if you have any chair suggestions, bring five episodes time. So at the moment, he's got a really old wooden rocking chair with the seat bit missing. Yeah. So his bum is in air. Someone's got to take a photo of this. Oh, man. All right. Moving along. You are so beautiful to me. Oh, shit. Who's the better brown? Let's try it. Let's try it. Let's try it. All right, guys. It's time for who's the better brown? Who? And this is a segment where we, where we find another brown out there. We put the call out to all people with the last name Brown and there are billions of them. We were billions of messages coming in and they're all fucking related somehow. Just by chance, we've already had his dad and his sister on. Just by chance. Clearly that was rigged. Fucking unbelievable. So Matt won last week. So it has jackpotted to $400 this week. It's 600. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. If this guy doesn't answer. Now this segment may fail because we told this guy the wrong date. And that's our bad, but this segment, if he doesn't answer, that means we automatically jackpot to $600 next week and that's outstanding. See, look how happy he is now. He's got chair. Yeah, chair. Is it comfy? Yeah, it's fucking way better than the floor. Something's wrong with it though. All right, I'm going to put my phone on private and then I'm going to call this Brown. How you rich Corey? I'm currently in the meeting. Leave a number. I'll go back to you. Corey Brown. This is Marty and Michael and Matt Brown. Brown. And we were calling you to see who the better Brown is. You just mischanted a winning $400, but it's our fault because we told you the wrong day. We're sorry and we will let you have another crack in like two or three weeks time. Sorry. Brown, Brown, Brown. So today Matt is the better Brown. Well done Brown. Winner by forfeit. So that means next week it is jackpot it to $600. So if your last name is Brown or you know someone Brown, tell them to DM Marty and Michael and all they got to do is beat Matt at some Brown trivia questions. Thank you. I feel like my spirits have lifted because you're higher. Yeah. And it's your birthday. You're an equal with us right now. I'm not among the shit down there. Yeah. Well, that was the vomit. I didn't shit on there. Sorry. We have done some pretty fucked things to that. Yeah. And Connor show them now the videos I sent you about that chat. Oh no. Is that really? What'd you just do? Nothing. Me? Yeah. No, we didn't do anything to it. I lied to you. All right. Moving right along. That would have been a good joke. You guys missed a massive opportunity. Sorry. We're slipping. Yeah. It's because all the videos are age-restricted. It's incredibly demotivating. First the birthday gift of an extension cord. Horrible. Is anyone else boiling hot? Yeah. We're struggling. Remember when I wiped my sweat all over the side of your body? Remember when I fucked you? Discomfort. We're getting a bunch of guests on by the way. We've lined up heaps. Really? Yeah. What do you tell me any of this? Ones are coming today. Because you're in your concrete tower swearing at commoners. Not for long. You're telling them to fuck off and to go deliver concrete and you're snorting the concrete powder. Not for long. You fucking cunt. What's your favourite type of concrete? Exposed. Exposed concrete. Yeah, but, sorry, polished, polished, exposed in a house. I can't handle that chat. How long does it take to set? I don't like the way it's done. It takes time. Waste everyone's day getting it done. But the final product, if done right, very nice. Oh, fuck you, man. There's a fucking fly in here, man. It's perfect right now. It's just hovering around. It's a fucking fly in here. You can't. Oh, all right. Moving right along to the Q&A. This is where we answer your questions. And if you want us to answer your question, comment your question on the Mighty Michael fully actual YouTube channel and have a scroll through and like the other people's questions that you want us to answer because we answer the most liked questions first unless we've answered them before in previous podcast and we'll probably skip it. But just keep asking the questions. Just keep asking. We'll get to it. Brown? Brown. All right. Top question. Went to Ed. Down it. Ed. Question for the potty. Has Matt's work ever seen the podcast and seen his bottle of mints sitting there for the world to see and thought of him any different? Oh, yeah. Have they seen it for Clefish Neclele? Well, some people have seen parts of the podcast. They've definitely seen a lot of the prank calls and a few people. 40 year old man. A few people have watched a few episodes. There is one guy at work who watches it all the time, but he's cool. And then there's another gentleman who's just like, oh, check it out. And he's but he's only listening to it. Is there anyone that you hate at work? We can't talk about that. Would you backhand some pitch that you hate if you could? Stop. My mints bottles. Calm. Calm. But the mints bottle nobody has mentioned. What about a Spartan kick to the chest? Some kind of late. That wasn't the question. Okay. Sorry. But so the answer is, no, not really. No one really is delve too deep into this. Is this a good time to mention what 45 years old. I'm not 45. I'm 36. He's rocking shit. With a bottle of fucking mints next to him. Yeah, go on. Is this a good time to tell people the future? Well, no, I reckon people might get excited with Matt's managed to rejig his work schedule so that we can have Mondays off to solely work on the podcast, which is something that we've never had before. It's always just been like after hours work, and we quickly try and get shit done. So now we're going to have a full day. So we're hoping the quality lifts when we have that. So for example, the boys will shoot like four videos or five videos in a row, maybe more. And so they're exhausted. I come from out of a, out of a concrete town. You fired 19 people for being late and having sauce squirt on shirt. And you fired them. And if someone's late at a delivery and you fired that kind of. So this flies again. That's what's here. Good question. Very, very good question. Very good question. I've got those little little electricity flies. Oh, he squeezed you out. He fucked the room with that. Next question. Next question is from is from BH Billy. Could you guys do a challenge to see who can last the longest in the woods? I'd love to. I'd love to just do that at the time. Like, yeah. And which we will. I know we always say that, but that's the plan is, is now we're nearly 10 weeks ahead again on the website. We can spend like four days filming one video. You fucking can't. You fucking can't. And we can do awesome. She liked that. All right. Next question is from the milking stool Patrick. Is that the boys that gave us the milking stool? It's actually milking. So you fucking weird. Emily, the strange. Yeah. Struggle concrete. Can you please put the Matt verse Michael jingle on Spotify? Okay. We should really do on a whole album. Michael had another banger the other day. Yeah. My G spot. My G spot. So I got my G spot. Yeah. I've got a few chains coming out. Yeah. We look. It's another thing to do. But I don't know. We're stretched thin. We still got to finish all the jingles for all the other segments. Yeah. Episode five. We haven't even done that. Whenever Matt, we just go straight. It's always a mad rush. Yeah. To get this shit done. Some. Some. When Monday comes. It's seven o'clock on a Wednesday night right now. Yeah. And it's my birthday. And we've been fucking filming that. It's off. It's fucking fucked come to next question. This one isn't a question, but I did want to raise it because I felt it deserves a note. It's from a Robert McPeak. He said, James, thank you for dumping all three bins on Marty. That was so nice of you. And then he said, Brown, what the hell man throwing that ball at Michael's head was totally uncalled for. You need to get that temper under control. Epic website. Vid boys. So unfortunately what Robert hasn't realized that that is not me in the video is Luke. That is Luke our mate. And yeah, he has the, what I said is the arm from hell. Yeah. And he's referring to the bucket of piss, shit and water that was poured on me by James during the recent website video. So yeah. So both me and Luke have shaved heads and, but yeah, Luke's got the, the arm of a guard. And Matt's got the typing fingers of a concrete admin officer. All right. Next question is from Blazer. Boys. What's the craziest fan experience you've ever had? We've answered that one before. Probably the razor cutting one. Yeah. That was intense. And there's, there's been ones where like, you know, we love all fan interactions to be honest. They're always lovely. We love it when people come up so high. You know, we have no issues with that at all. We're fucking, it's lovely, but there's, you know, the ones that, the lingerers. Yeah. I remember I was at like the arcade once. It's one dude. You were there. Yeah. The one who wanted to have cigarettes and then a beer and then. Can I be in videos? Yeah. Like you just sort of, it's hard to shut it down because it's, you know, they're supporters. So you don't want to, you know, you want to, you know, you're really grateful that they're supporting, but then they're like, can I be in your video? What are you guys doing now? Yeah. I'll come along. Yeah. He just got, he was very excited that, that Michael was there. Yeah. We had sex. Yeah. No dom. We had a similar one out one time. We went to a bar and a guy said hello, and then he just followed us to the next bar. And then we went to go home. And he wanted to come back home. And I was like, cause he wanted to come back to my house. And I was like, oh, sorry dude. It's just like close friends. And he was fucking shattered. And it shattered me to see him shattered. But I was like, I can't just let strangers come to my home. Yeah. Like more drugs for you, right? Yeah. And you got your family there. So yeah. We fucked this shit out of that fuck. We took him to the bar. Put him on the stick. Bang in his head on the fucking urinal and fucking him as hard as we could. You can't. Pretty sure he's dead. We did the wheelbarrow. We killed him. We killed that guy. All right. Next question is from Liam Kennedy. Can you, oh, sorry. Can you start, can you start bringing in Marty and Michael siblings? We saw Brown's relatives come on the show. But we ever see either Michael or Marty's relatives. Oh, yeah. If my brother's ever in Brizzy, I'll try and get him on. He's either for client or for snickering. Yeah. He might have some good stories. Yeah. Yeah. But if he's allowed to with his work, he might not be allowed to. And he lives a long way away. But yeah, that would, that would be, that would be great if you wanted to. Yeah. My family. My mum. Yeah. Let's get Nicole. We did a video with fucking mum. She was on the phone. Oh yeah. The brand deal. Yeah. She should be way too shy. She should just be so nervous. I love German. I love to just have you guys talk German. Yeah. She should be nervous. Start speaking German too. Yeah. She should be so nervous. Next question is from Geraldine Rice. Marty. Marty. Marty with all the bruises you get. Have you ever told anyone that Mon beats you up? Yeah. I've seen you do jokes where you pretend that she's a physically like. Yeah. And at a lot of the time with Michael, I always pretend like I'm like an abuser. Mmm. I always tell him to cover your bruises. You're fucking, you have had a fall. You had a fall. Yeah. You go to a supermarket with Marty and it's terrible. It's so embarrassing. Yeah. And we steal so much shit. He literally just goes up to food and just crushes it. That's how I met Marty. Yeah. I used to, I haven't done that for like a decade. Kind of surprises. Pretty sure you broke a chocolate bar the other last time I was in a supermarket. Excuse me for trying to get rid of unhealthy food. At least it's only junk food that he destroys. And it's still viable. If anything, it makes it cheaper for the general public. Thank you. If someone gets it for free and it takes money from the corporations and goes straight back into your pockets. I'm doing everyone a massive favor. You get off my back, Brown. He's Robin Hood. He is. But yeah, I mean like, yeah, he'll yell. He'll push. He'll just, he'll make scenes. He farts. Robin Hood. He farts loud. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Something's just brewing. Oh, and this is, yeah, this is what I mean. Imagine this year at a restaurant and he's got his back turned to people. This comes out and then you're facing the people. But normally it's way louder. Did you shit? I'm getting close, bro. I'm itchy from that. I'm not on the end of it, I can't. But yeah, it's highly embarrassing. Highly embarrassing. Yeah, it's a good time going out probably with boys. They get all fucking embarrassed and shit. We're going to a suit shop tomorrow for the wedding. Yeah, that'll be interesting. Matt and Michael as groomsmen. So we're going to suit shopping. And yeah, I'm going to be as obnoxious and just try and make the day really, really horrific for everyone. Are the other boys coming? Yeah, James is coming. Mono can't. Do you want to sit down? And my brother lives in Harvey Bay, so he can't. Yeah, you're weirding me out with your stance. Have a seat. So Michael Robin Hood. That's very good that you mentioned that. Why? Because there are several Robin Hood films out there. That's going to make you watch it. I've seen it. The Men in Tides. No. Tide tights. There's Robin Hood with the Prince of Thieves with Kevin Costner. And there's Robin Hood and the Fox. No. Let's save this for a few reviews. It's just funny that I brought it up. You probably like it. I don't mind Robin Hood. Yeah. Maybe I'll do the old one. Maybe the Russell Crow one. Maybe the Russell Crow one. Maybe the Errol Flynn. The Errol Flynn version. That name is shit. Kevin Costner. What about Kevin Costner? Yeah, I like that one. Also, I really liked that one too, Matthew. Anyway, Matt C asks, why isn't Marty fighting anymore? Well, this episode is going to rock you. It's hard to prolong them like he used to. Yeah, my diet's changed a lot. And honestly, I don't know. I don't know why I don't have that anymore. It comes and goes. Next question. Niko JC. She would stay, man. It's like it really added another layer. It really made me happy. Another layer of the podcast. Niko JC, would Marty ever make a complimentary plate of galactus flesh for Michael? Galactus flesh. Whatever you just said is extremely racist pig. What is that shit again? Mince meat. Oh, God. Yeah, of course I would do that for Michael. Galactus flesh. I'd fucking get out of the freezer and boil it until it was nice and broiled. And I'd season it with just pepper. And serve it like a soup. What would it be, Cal? Yeah, it's galactus flesh. Oh, that sounds good. You can also get swine flesh, which is pig meat. Yeah. Fat flesh, which is horse meat. Germans love horse meat. Flesh. Flesh is flesh. Galactus flesh. How do you say meat? Flesh. So meat and flesh is the same word. Flesh. Wow. That's so German. Yeah, they just, they don't fuck around. It's just one word for it. Sorry. Because meat and flesh mean the same thing, really, don't they? I'm blood. I'm blood. Have sex with it. All right. Two more questions. It's hot. From Biffetron. No. Will you boys ever have Marty? Oh, sorry. Will you boys ever have Loki back on the pub? Oh my God. No. Dude, you fucked the room. Oh, that is quiet. I've opened the mid-spotel. I've opened the mid-spotel and I aired out the set. Oh. Oh my God. That's so bad. That is so bad. Yes, we're getting Loki on. It's funny you mentioned it. We spoke to him today about it. He's coming on in a couple of weeks. Oh, dude. Oh, that's intense. Smells like shit. Why does it smell like that? That's fucking mint and it smells like that. That reeks more than the golly bottle. You haven't smelled it for a while, have you? Yeah, that's different. Oh, yuck. It's definitely hit another level. Oh my God, man. That is fucking disgusting, man. Is that what it smells like when it comes out fresh? No, it smells quite fruity. My lips are slagging on the equipment. Anyway, sorry about that next question. Probably the last question, I would say. It's real in the room, dude. It's hot. There's mints. I'm calling someone right now, bro. That's all our questions for today. That is the Q&A that I have for the week. We're going to switch up and we're going to call someone and we're going to scream. We're going to scream as loudly as we can and see how long it takes them to hang up, okay? We haven't done this for a while. What restaurant will it be and then we'll predict our time? Well, how about we call the cinemas? Let's call the cinemas because restaurants at a night time, they hang up so quickly, especially if they're busy. So let's call the cinemas. Man, it stinks. I think my eyes hurt a bit. I think it's gone that way. I only got a bit of it. Let's call these dogs here. Oh, it's off. It's off put. Oh, my God, man, I feel sick. I'm all itchy. Here we go. Matt, don't open it again. Sorry, I'm just making sure I didn't spoil that. Reading cinemas. Sophie speaking. Hang up. Wow. That was very, very fast. Holy shit. That was five seconds. That's one of the fastest hang-ups we've ever had. I pictured what she looked like. I didn't even fucking predict it. Let's do one more. Should we do a prediction this time? I've just spilled mother all over the room. It doesn't matter. All right. I'm just calling this restaurant. Should we guess? Oh, yeah, yeah. Quickly guess. Let's go to the restaurant. 30 seconds. 14. I'm going to say nine seconds. Hang up. Four seconds. Wow. People are not in the mood for screenings. People are not. Yeah. One more. It's not an attractive thing. It's sexy. They don't like screenings. Can you chuck a help me? I'm calling all of the same restaurants in the same area. Hopefully they'll talk. How many was that? That was about eight seconds. Fucking hell. People were just, yeah, they're not in the mood. Then we got one for like a minute once. Yeah. Because sometimes people get worried that somebody's dying. That's what I like. They think that you're dying. It's good. Anyway, that's the screaming segment, everybody. That's called Greg. Oh, this is Greg. Hey, Greg. It's Michael. How are you, mate? Come on. No. Well, you put me on no call already. I'm just calling that. I've got a proposition for you. This is a podcast, isn't it? Well, no. Yeah, I'm on the podcast, aren't I? All right. You might be, but I've got a proper proposition for you. Would you like to hear it? What is it? All right. 5K, all you have to do is hold my dick for like one minute. You don't jerk it. You just have your hand, your dick in your hand. Flass of 5K flaccid. Fuck, I'd do that. Will you do it? Yeah. Go get the film. Just me and you alone. Me and you in a room. 5K. Off camera, Greg. In a dark room. Is that a promise? You don't have to jerk. All you have to do is just hold it. You have to hold it for how long? A minute. Yeah, all in. Eye contact. Mate, 100% I'll do that for you. If you needed to go to the taller or something, I would hold it. No problem. Okay. What if he's hard? He's thinking about it. Let me know the time. What do you say? What was the next question? I just said, what if he's hard? Would you still do it if he was rock hard? No. No. I'd still piss. But I do know that you have. Are you going to tell everyone all the listeners of the stories now? Of what? We haven't tossed each other off. Yeah. I saw you get tossed off by someone else. What the fuck are you talking about? By me? No. It was someone else. I've been tossed off. I've been putting that out there. No, I saw it. It was like two seconds. Of who? Connie Cuttle of that. You leave in the laughter. Oh my God. I'm sure there was some European stories that I had. No, no, no, no. Look, we don't do that sort of shit. We're fucking blugs here and we're fucking cheats. It was like one of the first, like, like, shut the fuck up, man. Shut the fuck up. Man, this segment really went for clay. They're claying. What was the segment? Is it a segment of like... Michael just wants to proposition you. It's literally Michael just propositioning you for sexual things. And we won't need to come back on the podcast soon. I'm glad that you would do that for me if I gave you $5,000. But it has to be soft cock. It can't be hard cock. It's a good segment, guys. Keep it up. Keep up with the work. Thank you. Keep it up. Thank you, Greg. You have a good week. All right. I'm going to go watch the Bronx. I mean, actually I'm going to do something on Wednesday night. It's time for one of our most riveting segments ever. This is Michael's movie reviews. Matthew Brown has a weird taste in music. I don't have a weird taste. He has such a strange taste in music and movies. And he's been telling Michael to watch movies, and Michael watches them, and he will now remove them. This is Michael's music review. Remove them. This is Michael's music maths reviews. Movie. Review. All right. What was the movie that Matt watched? The movie was Spotlight. Oh, man. I've never even heard of that movie. You should fucking watch it, Marty. Oh, my God. I can't see. Oh, Marty, you would love it. Okay. Okay. Now, this is how I'm going to do this review. I'm going to do it so it's like, because you haven't seen it. I'm going to explain this to you. Marty. Okay. So basically, I had to watch this movie called Spotlight. It's not R-18. It's M. Why'd you lie, you dickhead? Did you lie about that? I didn't say it was R. Yeah, you did. You said it's R last week. You said it was R-19, I thought. I thought we'd looked it up. Fucking stupid. It wasn't R. It was, okay. Wait a minute. So you won't watch any movie unless it's R-18. That's stupid. No, no. He hopes upset by lying. He's upset that you lied to. You deceived him. Shut up. You enjoyed it. I know you did. Okay. I liked how there was multiple Bruce Willis's in it. That's a good start. There's about three I saw. There's a policeman at the start. That's a good start. There's the main character and there's also another policeman about midway through. There's three Bruce Willis's. That was pretty cool. Michael Keaton is not Bruce Willis. It's the same thing. I do. I think they're the same thing. Now, okay, Marty, imagine this. You know the show, The Office? Yeah. That's what this movie is. But at least in The Office, it's a comedy. I had to watch The Office. It's everything. Every scene is The Office. It's just them people in The Fucking Office. Oh. You gave me a movie where everyone's sitting there looking at documents. Oh, we found pedophiles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They say that again. They find pedophiles. Yeah, so the church. Apparently the church is full of pedophiles. Really? Who knew? Oh, my God. I can't believe you didn't like this. I thought you would have loved it. Oh, man. It was so, so boring. It's one of the best films ever made. It is so boring, dude. About one of the greatest stories. I got random boners throughout it, but that's about it. I didn't understand that. But like, it is very, very boring. You know that scene where they go and knock on the pedophile's door? Yeah, and he starts just talking to them about all crazy shit. Yeah, about him feeling up the kids. There was, yeah, that. At one moment I wanted to bash him, but I just retreated. The bashing just, I took that back. He's boner gone the way. It was, I watched, you gave me The Office, but boring, non-comedy. Wow, I'm disappointed in you. Overall it was shit and overwhelming. Yeah, it was the true story and it was sad. But as far as entertainment goes, it was very boring and office. I hate office and I do not wish to watch office. Matt loves office because he works in office. Dude, it was literally, they're just standing there talking about files. And then they, yeah, shaking papers and photocopiers and computers. That sounds so shit, Matt. Because that's what Matt does. He yells at people and tells them to do it. It was shit. The whole movie was in an office. It was a world where you can't trust the news or, you know, people who write stories like journalists, they literally wrote a true story. Yeah, I like the cool thing about true story, but just have, I don't know, some comedy or like some action or an adventure in there. I've seen outside The Office maybe one of them like, like getting home. Like give one of them wings or something. Maybe one of them works at home for a bit. That does happen. Yeah, but it looked like an office. The home should look more like a home if you ask me. Otherwise you might as well stay in The Office. It was so, so shit, Marty. You would, your ADD would get the better. You would, you'd be angry and you'd yell at the TV. I'm not, I'm never going to watch that now because of Michael's review. I give it a, I like the fact that it was a true story and the random bonus was sort of fun. It's two out of 10. Matt, what do you give it? Fuckin', that's horrible. I give it a... Three Masked Tears is the best so far. Eight, did you say? Eight. I gave it an eight out of 10. That's so boring. It's spotlight. Like, oh, were you a journalist? Shut up. Like just shut up. This has changed my entire approach now that you actually put that down. Man, I'm going to be throwing some ones I thought you'd generally enjoy. No, that was... So what's next? That was worse than Back to the Future. I'm flabbergasted. What's, what, what's next movie? You want Mock or what? Somebody suggested this in comments, but it is actually a movie I really enjoy. Of course. Man, I love that you made a reference to it already in this podcast. You mean your Turtles? No, and no. I want you to review 300. I think... That's like, not a bad... I've seen that. I didn't mind it. Yeah, but I want Mock to watch the whole thing. He understands what a Spartan kick is. You haven't seen it? I think I've only seen... You've just seen the Spartan... Scenes. You've just seen the Spartan kick scene, yeah. I want you to watch the whole thing because there is some fucking good stuff in it. And I want to see what you say about it. Okay. Yeah, is he gonna... Okay. No. He's gonna enjoy it. Yeah, I think he will enjoy it. Or I might enjoy... I think you should... You should give him rock. I think you should give him more abstract movies. Yeah, I think too. But 300 was already chosen for this episode. But trust me, now after seeing your review of Spotlight and I'm fucking shocked at that, there is gonna be some definite bangers. It was... Man, the whole film is in one fucking place. Like, at least fucking have a super... I'd rather like Marvel. Yeah, go to a supermarket. Go to a supermarket to buy some lunch or something. Don't just stay in the office and order food there. There's a movie with Tom Hardy where he just stays in the car the whole time. Yeah, what about coffin? That one right here in the coffin. Oh yeah, buried alive. Buried alive. At least it's like, suspenseful. This is just like, shuffle and papiers and paperweights and pens and fucking going through lists of priests that fucked kids. What were you thinking that? It should wasn't... I think 300 is like everyone. There's not many people that don't. Anyway, 300, Michael must watch 300. He will have his review next week. I've already got a list of a few more and that's gonna be very good. All right, next segment. We have two segments left. My flock, Lord Ozer. Next, we have the P.O. box or the P.U.B.O. box as we've renamed it. We want everyone to... Wait, you got your headphones on. God damn it. You're like a fucking child. A fucking toddler. We want you guys to send in your pubic hair because we're gonna put it all in a jar and we're gonna glue it to Matt's skull at the end of the season. No, you're not gonna glue it to my skull. Yes, we are. So everyone send in your pubes. You're gonna give it to me as a toupee. Send in your pubes, everyone. And when I have some more pubes, we're gonna shave our pubes off right here on the podcast using Manscaped and we're gonna put them in the pube jar. But you can also send other things, which is what Michael's getting now. You can send some other shit. We'll open anything live on... Oh, here on the podcast. I hope it's some food. I'm hungry. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, it's a two-hour P.O. box. It's to Jackson, but it's also to us. And then it says on the back, biggest YouTube channel in Australia. I think I know what this is. What is it? Biggest YouTube channel in Australia. Fucking the Misfit Minds. It's the Misfit Minds, boys. It's the fucking Misfit Minds, boys. Oh, is it a pocket pussy? Yes, it's on the show last year. And it is indeed a pocket pussy for the brown to slurp his fucking mints into. There you go, Matt. Thank you. Here's your new girlfriend, your fucking cunt. I'll have this in the collection. Thank you very much Misfit Minds. And if you haven't watched the Misfit Minds, they are fucking hilarious YouTubers. Go look them up. The videos are genuinely very entertaining. Follow them on Instagram. They're just fucking legends. Yeah, very entertaining videos. Go give them all. This one looks hot. I bet you this is from them, too. Yep. And this one's for us. So that one's for Jackson. But we'll keep it. We get... Oh, this is a used one. We get three. Oh, there's a used one in there. Oh. That's okay. Matt doesn't mind. There you go, Matt. A used pocket pussy. Give me a look. Oh. Oh. Oh. Slimy as fuck. I'm all like, hands different now. Oh. Oh. Man, I bet you they're just fucking a fresh one every time. Oh. Actually, I need to go wash my hands. Oh. Don't, Matt. Don't, Matt. Fuck you. Is it dripping out? Yeah, it's kind of wet. Oh, that's fucked. I've definitely got someone's come on my hands. I'm itchy. I'm itchy. Well, it's nothing new. I knew you were going to do it. And I defenced. I should have thrown it, Michael. It wasn't watching. Exactly. I need to go wash my hands like there's something definitely going on. No, no, no. Just let it soak in your skin. No. Dude, it's fine. Fuck. Matt, you'll miss it. All right. I've got a letter here that I'm opening up. It says to Marty and Michael. Watch out for negative pieces of pictures. There's no bags. I hate it when there's no bags in there. What is that? What do you mean? Oh, my hand. There's a little gremlin. Oh, my God. It's a fucking gremlin thing. Oh, God. Yeah, look at that. All right. So here we have cards of the gremlins. Oh, my God. Give us a look. Man, this is so shit. Are they collector cards? Yeah. Have a look at the cards. You love cards. You come hands. All right. Let's see what this is. Oh, that's cool. What the fuck is that? Like a square. Stupid. All right. Here we go. There's a note in there with it goes for Michael. One of them. One of the important rules that must not be broken. Answer. Wash the Mog why every morning to never feed after midnight three never fuck Mog why in bright light. Which one is it? Never feed after midnight. I don't care. What the fuck is this? The rules are the gremlins, mate. You need to see the movie. Maybe we should watch that. Oh, yeah. That would actually be a PC. That's a good one to watch. We're going to have to add gremlins to the list. Oh my God, man. I don't understand. It's just a square with a gremlin on it. That's such a shit thing to give me. That's one of the worst gifts we've ever had in our whole entire lives. We got a letter from someone. But thank you. This is from Finn. Finn's a shark. Greetings from the UK, cunts. Hopefully this letter has made it to you. I haven't managed to send anything good as most of our postal workers are striking and I don't think it would have made it. It's time for the unboxing. I will try the next time, but I just wanted to say that you guys are the best. Thank you, Finn. Thank you, Finn. If this is being opened on the podcast, I have one request. Can you say, Harry Price is a silly pest? Harry Price is a silly pest. That's like a scary thing where they change your voice. Anyway. It cares. Thank you, Clylides. And I will speak to you again soon. Also, here is a message from Marty in German. What? Why is it yuck, huh? It's just all these mixed up letters. Yeah, it's another language, man. Okay. You fucking cunt, Matt. You are a fucking disgusting fucking cunt. He just threw that used pocket pussy at us. Look, there's giz all over us. Someone else's giz. You cuntist something in sein shampoo tun. Oh, I see what's going on. I don't know what that word is. I'm my German reading. Remember, I was only three when I moved to Stade. Look at how big that word is. Ich dachte, du cuntist. Oh, I see what you're saying. Weiterfühlen. That's a great idea. Thank you so much. And I will carry out your mission. One German to another. You have my bond for life, my friend. Okay. Let's move on. You're freaking me out. Okay. This is a big package, which I like. This might have drugs in it. Oh, my God. Oh, well, we each have a present. We each have a present. There's one big box. Brown, brown, brown. And then there's presents. We do letter first. Yeah, letter first. And look, present for Bubba. Smack goes to Bosley. This is what I'm talking about. This is real. This is so much better than that gremlin shit. I'm sorry, Finn, but your letter was shit too. No, no, Finn, I liked it. Okay. Now congratulations to your fifth season. That's the best card they had. So be happy with what you're given, even if it's shit. Hey, this is your gift. Thanks for all the laughter and entertainment. I literally saved my so on it. Sanity and wented. Wanted health dining during COVID. Man, you're very impressive. Thanks for all you and keep being UB. Crispy bacon. I've got another pocketbook. Do I just... Chris, thank you. We love you. That's got so many pocketbooks. It's the surprise that I like. Yeah, thank you so much. Oh, look at these. I've got a calendar with cows arses on it. Dude, it's literally a cows arse. Cows arse. Every photo. That's great. Cows arse. Cows arse. Cows arse. Oh, he's fissing it. 100% he's made this. Yeah, look, there's a cow ear. It's getting inseminated. I've done that many times, not with my fist but can't. Thank you so much, dude. I'm going to leave this here at the brand. We're going to actually use this. Thank you very much. What do you got? A beautiful shirt. What does it say? Hemorrhoid survivor. Yeah, Michael has had hemorrhoids. Remember, he used to get them on huge, long, month-long benders, and then he'd always get me to check to make sure that they weren't growing at too rapid a rate. Yeah, they're always bleeding. He couldn't cough or sit down. Oh, that sounds horrible. I've had them. They weren't that bad. Okay, that wasn't too bad. Yeah, that was very good. Thank you very much. All right, if you want to send in your shit, hopefully women too. We take women pubes, send it all in. We're going to glue it to Matt's skull. No, no, no. We're not gluing it to my skull. You said we'd put it on something like a true pain. We need to have a discussion. All right. Final segment now. What's the time? We're going fucking, fucking going to... Arnold Fein wants to know if he can bring his surface pic to cinema in South Bank. Oh, hello. My name Arnold Fein. I look to come to cinema, but I need to know if you show movie Crete 3. Sorry, I see one minute. Sorry, were you wondering if we were showing Crete 3? Yes, Crete 3, my wife want to see. Yeah, was that for tonight or for another day? For maybe tomorrow and maybe Sunday. Tomorrow and Sunday? Yes. Yeah. Okay, I need to ask, do you take a surface animal? My wife, she's sick. She cannot walk and she dizzy, she vomit. So I have a surface animal for her. Yes. Can I bring the surface animal? I have certificate. Yeah, if you've got a certificate and it is a surface animal that's fine. The pic, maybe 80 kilo pic. Do I need buy ticket for a pic or can the pic just sit in the middle there where no seat is? Sorry, was it a pic? A surface pic. Yes, we have a surface pic. I'll double check with my manager. I'll just do one moment. Okay, okay, check. Not okay, I don't mind. Hello, this is Casey speaking. Manager of South Bank of New York. Hello Casey, my name Arnold Fein. I speak to a girl about come to Crete 3 tomorrow. My wife, she's sick. She fall down, she have dizzy, sometimes drool from mouth. So she has surface pic to help when she need toilet or lean on, put food on and help her with that. So I have certificate from government, surface animal certificate. So I ask if I need to buy movie ticket for the pic, because the pic maybe 70, 80 kilo. So I won't see if the pic needs buy ticket to sit on seat or if it just slid in the aisle, flick around in the aisle in between the seat. Yeah, okay. So you've got the paperwork for that one. Yes, I have surface animal document. Okay, is the pic overly loud? Just because if it does disturb the people in the cinema, that would be a problem. Maybe a pic very well trained. Like a big dog, maybe every now and then it make a sound, like a sound. But the pic, it's like a dog. Very well trained, pic dog, same thing. The pic dog, it will not be inside. It go to toilet before the movie. I make a pic sit and watch the movie just like a dog. It even look like a dog, sort. Okay, is there if I just take your contact information? I would just have to talk to my location manager about that. Okay. You let guide dog come in, no? You let guide dog come in? What the problem here? Why my pic always say people think oh I need talk to manager, this, that. It does service animal, my wife is sick. Okay, she need to help with the service pic. Yeah, it's just the first time I probably heard of this myself. And tigs can be overly loud. And if that does disturb the people within the cinema, that could be a problem. Okay, we make a deal. I just shake your hand. If a pic allowed, you have my permission. You come talk to me and I leave the pic immediately. I put my wife on the pic and I take the pic on the leash and we walk out cinema, no worries. I say no arguing, I leave no worries. But I promise that pic is so well behaved I have taken him to funeral before and he wear a little suit, a little black suit and he sit with family, he in family photos. I take him to team park before he set on small children's roller coaster. Just like a human, like he totally fine. He's smarter than a dog. Pic is smarter than a dog and some human. You understand? Yeah, I understand that. But like I said, it's just a request I haven't had before. So I would have to run it past the allocation manager. Discrimination with animal, okay? Just because it's pic does not mean you need to do extra... What if it's a dog? What if it's a dog? You need to talk to manager if it's a dog? No, he wouldn't. I have the paper from my government, the document. Okay, you're not a police. I call courtesy call to let you know that we come with pic legally, okay? The pic can sit in the cinema with my wife. I throw my wife on the back of the pic and the pic sit in the aisle and we watch the movie. My pic lovecrete. Yeah, like I said, though, I would have to run this past location manager. If you have the paperwork, I'm sure it'll be fine. However, I would have to do that. The difference between those two is that pic can be an overly out-animal. And other entertainment venues sound is not much of a requirement in the cinema. Disrespect. I get really upset. I don't fuck my pic, huh? I leave pic, I leave pic tired front. I tie my pic up and I fuck my pic, huh? I fuck my pic and then me and my wife. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Ha, ha, ha. You fucked me. Ha, ha, ha. Very good. I'm falling apart. I'm too scared to move. I can feel it collapsing. I was tempted to just follow through with that and see if I could, if I could get him to say, yeah, yeah, bring the pic. Oh, sorry, dude. I just love hearing. Yeah, yeah. It goes on for too long. It goes on for too long otherwise. But fucking there you go, bro. Someone will find for you fucking down the hatch can. And now it's- What's wrong with this? Matt's chair started falling apart during that because there's so many pocket pussies around him. Ha, ha, ha. The pocket pussies weakened your wheelchair. By the way, guys, when Matt has Mondays off, we can do like 10 prank calls and pick the best one. So that's the main reason we're keen to get Matt for a full- Something's wrong. Ha, ha, ha. That chair is falling apart. All right, we better end this podcast. Got it. Because that's going to last for another four eps, brother. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. All right, guys, we wish you well. Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, follow us on our review on Spotify. Go and tell your uncles about it. And don't forget to send Matt pocket pussies. No, no, no. I don't want any more pocket pussies. If you see Matt in the streets, fucking king hit him. King hit Matt. King hit Matt. Hit him. No. Fucking bash Matt Brown. No, you can't say that. Conor, cut that. Ha, ha, ha. All right, guys. Bash Matt. We'll see you guys next week. Bye, everyone. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best.