 Hi, this is Maryleigh Johnson. We're here with Nick Sparks. He just had his 2014 speech. It was fantastic. I say that to some other people, but with yours, I actually mean it. So. Thank you. You're welcome. That's good. That's the appropriate response. The sincerity of it really is what it does in farming. I had a couple of questions, as I usually do. But with yours, they're kind of a long question, a couple of them. You said at the beginning of your speech that you were actually nervous to be speaking. And but you seem to put it aside and just go on and have a great speech. So what would you say to guys who get nervous or girls, who get nervous? And they just they don't know how to put that aside. How do you put aside your nervousness and just go on and try and do an approach or go on a date? It's a great question. That's a great question. I'd say, first of all, practice. This is my fifth time speaking up here now. And if you watch some of my old videos, you'll see a billion nervous ticks that I've hopefully gotten down to a minimum this time around. The other thing being, and this was a tip I'd gotten on public speaking that's really stuck with me, that's really helped me, that I would say, it's very similar to advice that I give for guys who are talking to a group of women. If you're talking to a group of women, don't try to talk to the entire group. If you try to talk to the entire group and then you're bouncing around all over the place, you're much more likely to get shut out. If you instead focus on one person at a time, just focus on whenever you're speaking, whoever you're speaking with, connecting with that one person, all of a sudden, you're going to calm yourself down. You're going to draw everyone else in. So some of the best advice I had gotten in the past was when you're up on stage speaking, instead of trying to address this audience and coming off just nervous and awkward, to instead focus on one person at a time, to really act as if you're speaking to them and them alone. And that greatly helps me, just that connection, just really feeling that, OK, I'm in a conversation with someone now. That helps me to calm down and ground myself more than anything else in the world, I'd say. That's good. The other thing that I wanted to ask was, you talked about getting out of your own way and just letting things flow. I know that many people have a problem with this. I have a problem with this, that I get nervous that if I'm not thinking about that, I'm not planning on what to do next, you might get that dreaded awkward silence. If I'm not thinking, OK, what am I going to say next? And I get out of my own way, and I'm just like, OK, then there's nothing. Then I got nothing, and they're not giving me anything. And then I'm afraid, what am I going to do? So how do I get out of my own way and still have that flow? This is really an issue for you. You really, you struggle with this? Oh, well, for you, since I want to help you with this, you have to realize that, or keep in mind, it's that constant reminder to fight against the messages you've been hearing your entire life on the subject, constantly reminding yourself that when you do start overthinking, when you do start getting nervous, it's only hurting yourself. It's only making things worse. And also keeping in mind that a conversation needs to be a two-way street. One of the things that I teach, one of the things that I really focus on, I talked about this in my last speech at the 21 convention, is you have to leave those silences. You have to leave those pauses. If you're always looking to fill in the gaps, if you're always filling in the blanks, then the other person is going to feel like you're trying too hard, like why does this guy keep on? Why does he seem so desperate? Why was he trying to get from me? A conversation is both people contributing equally to the subject at hand. So without that pause, without that silence, you're never going to give the other person a chance to fill in themselves, to contribute, to open themselves up and share in that. And you're just going to be the desperate guy trying to win somebody over. And it's an excellent kind of tool to find out whether this person is on the same page with you. I'm just going to leave that blank. And I'm going to feel the need to rush in and say something. And if they don't, then I know that, well, this person's got whatever else going on. They're not feeling this conversation great. It's very nice to meet you. I've got to get back to whatever. But then when they do, all of a sudden, no, this person is invested in this. This person wants to continue this. And it's the best sign I could ever. Because you're getting feedback now. Because of your silence, that's good. And you'll never get that if you don't give the space for it to happen. Yeah. So I also wanted to ask about some people get nervous in social situations, like when there's a lot of people around. Other people tend to get nervous just on one-on-one. They'll be fine in a group. But then when they get a girl or a boy alone and they're just talking to them like this, one-on-one, then they start to get nervous and they don't know what to say. And even just making eye contact like this is just very nerve-wracking for them. How did they get over that? A practice. A more practice, the more you do something, the better you get. But you have to do something focused on the right things. If you keep on practicing the wrong things, you're just going to get worse. And you get more negative feedback and you get less self-confident. This is negative spiral. But if you do focus on, well, OK, being present, not jumping into my head and thinking, what do I say? What do I do? I'm killing it. But just listening, just giving those spaces, just being really genuinely interested in the other person, it starts to build up a virtuous cycle. They start to respond more powerfully. And then I always like to say, start with people that don't make you so nervous. Because if you're a novice and you go into the most nerve-wracking situation, if you're just starting out a piano, you're not going to go sit up on stage at Carnegie Hall and play in front of a crowd. If you're not used to socializing a lot, you can't go talk to someone that makes you crazy, that makes your heart jump out of your chest. And so practice with the old guy at the grocery store. I mean, work on these muscles of being present, on really listening, on really being genuinely interested with every single human being you come into contact with. And then you're going to have a prayer of doing it when it really matters, when you're really feeling crazy about the other person. That is good. I like that actually. Everything else you said was crap. That in particular was terrible. But everything else, I wanted a real-life situation. So not right now. So it's getting serious here. I've never asked anybody else this. But I was wondering if we could do an example of an awkward pause. Like, say you're together and for some reason, that awkward silence does creep in. She's looking away. How would you break that? So I'm going to be awkward for a second. OK, that's good. He used silence and just, it wasn't an open-ended question, was it just, and just made me nervous and maybe start to talk a little? You're holding yourself while I wasn't sure. No, I'm totally nervous. OK, well, is there anything that you want to tell the audience, something that you find really important or really calming that you think they should know? I would just simply say that this is the most fundamental. This is the most important skill in the universe. It affects your professional life. It affects your overall happiness, the connections you make with other people. Never stop practicing. Never stop working on it. Never stop kind of eliminating the old behaviors that have gotten you to a point that you're really not content with. And always look at every single person that you cross paths with as an opportunity to develop new abilities, new skills. Never stop improving. There's always the next level to get to, so to speak. This has been Nick Sparks for the 21 Convention. Thanks for watching.