 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic the one skill, the one skill that instantly improves your relationship. All right really quickly before we get started today if you're new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell to be notified of new content. I shoot about three videos a week plus I do a live now once a week on Fridays. All right depending on what time zone you're in. Friday's here in Los Angeles, California. Okay we're gonna talk about that one skill that instantly improves your relationship. So what I've observed over the years is that you know there's this fantasy that most and I'm gonna be a judgment here most women adopt that every relationship should just be perfect that if you love each other everything will just be perfect and everything will magically work out because that's what does love does that makes everything magical right and while I certainly appreciate and appreciate what love does love is that that glue that bonds us together that makes us go I want to be a better man I want to be a better person in relationship that is certainly true but the reality is is most people are unskilled at being in relationship and even worse most people aren't even familiar with the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship and that's partly because they haven't done the inner work to be prepared for a relationship and that's why they're lacking this one skill this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway what the heck is self love anyway there's the back there's a link below to get a copy of my book the book is a journey of personal development self help and spiritual work and why I repeat myself over and over and over and over and over again in all my videos about the importance of doing personal development self help and spiritual work is that it helps in the processing of being less judgmental it helps in the processing of being less making comparisons for yourself and others it helps significantly in the self condemnation that most human beings have for oneself I mean we humans oftentimes can crucify ourselves and that's me being on the cross right we can crucify ourselves with inner language that can be so unhealthy for a relationship and this is one of the reasons why most people haven't adopted this important skill that absolutely improves relationships very quickly now if you're not familiar with the work of the book by marshal Rosenberg nonviolent communication nonviolent communication by marshal Rosenberg I wish he titled this compassionate communication because what I'm about to lean into right now is so significantly important at understanding compassionate communication and this one skill that's lacking in both men and women alike this one skill is conflict resolution skills let me repeat that conflict resolution skills now what does that look like what does conflict resolution skills look like so I want you to imagine that you know we have this fantasy relationship should just be so perfect but oftentimes there is friction there's going to be differences and this is significantly true for those of us in midlife if you're after baby making years of before retirement that's the demographic I speak to we come to the table with a lot of luggage so to actually intertwine with another person can be kind of rough if you haven't learned good conflict resolution skills okay this is why in the book by Dr. John and Julie Gottman in the book eight dates this teaches you how the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship but chapter oops I'm going to turn my page chapter two is called agree to disagree addressing conflicts so first it's learning how to address conflicts so I'm going to teach you the way I approach this and first off when you're having a difference with your partner what's most important is that you hear you listen to your partner's point of view you then accept their point of view even if you disagree but it's important to accept their point of view acknowledge their point of view and then share your point of view on what's going on so it's listening and accepting not accepting that you're agreeing with it but at least you're validating their point of view now if both people aren't going to do this this is going to be very pragmatic problematic however here's the thing ladies lead by example because after a little while if you're with the right guy he's going to start adopting your communication style it's natural when emotionally mature people are entering into relationship to start to improve themselves improve themselves but one has to lead now I know this sucks I know you don't like the idea of you having to be the leader in this regard wouldn't it be great if everybody came fully trained but I'll be candid with you women are just as weak as this skill as men I'm a single man out there and I can tell you women are horrible at this so and and I know this even from talking to my clients this is why I'm such a big proponent of teaching you how to vet for emotionally available men vetting in fact that's what my whole coaching program is all about is helping you identify the right man and learn how to vet them and if you're not if you need some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with the coach is right for you because if you want to improve your odds of being in the right relationship let me teach you how to vet for emotionally available men because emotionally available men are already going to be somewhat trained in this area of listening and accepting your point of view and vice versa because it's not about being right it's about choosing to be happy let me repeat that it's not about being right it's about choosing to be happy and how one does that is it's not about you winning an argument it's about how can we come together as a team being happy is saying how can we resolve this as a team because the reality is is here's the thing if your relationship has five good things in one conflict you're in great shape and what I mean by conflict is some friction okay but if you only have two good things in five friction that's going to be problematic this is why adopting and learning these skills is going to instantly increase improve your relationship and if it doesn't chances are you're not with the right person because as I wrote my book if it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person so that's my invitation to you learn good communication skills read the books I recommend they're going to make a big difference in your life okay now I'm sure you have something to say about this post a comment below I'd like to hear your questions on this if you like these videos let me know I really appreciate the feedback all right I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off I'm going to give myself a big gigantic shot the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the microphone or the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it a hug of love because everyone deserves love and we can all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now