 All right. Hello everyone. I am Matthew Coast and welcome to how to immediately raise your value in his eyes no matter what stage of a relationship you're in and so we're gonna give you a great technique for raising your value in a man's eyes today and So with me here is the wonderful and beautiful Helena Hart. Go ahead and say hi Helena Hey, everyone, I'm excited to be here. This is a really important topic. So this is great Totally excited to dive in. Yeah. And so if you're not really sure what, you know, what's this whole value thing? I like to kind of put it this way, right? Like so if I was going to give you a $100 bill You know, you'd probably want that right most people Universally look at money and they see value, right? It's an easy thing a lot when a lot of people think of value They think of money. Well, if I have a hundred dollar bill and you want it If I crumpled it up, right? Would you still want it? Of course you would if I dropped it on the ground and I stepped on it Would you still want it? Of course you would why? because Crumpling it up and stepping on it doesn't remove the value of that one hundred dollar bill and So what we're gonna be teaching today is about how to get to get a guy to see your value right so if you feel like a guy has been taking you for granted or he's not really stepping up and You want to become a priority in his life? You want to Have him see you as the type of woman that he wants a long-term relationship with or potentially a marriage with then you need to focus on Raising your value in his eyes and So we're gonna give this one very specific technique for raising your value in his eyes and and myself and Helena both have a Kind of a way of doing it that's a little bit different, but it gives you the same result and We're gonna be talking about that in just a minute, but first what I want to tell you is something about Kind of internal value right and seeing yourself as a valuable human being because really everything starts with ourselves first and a lot of people like us talking about this because it's something that is Is incredibly important and it's also something that a lot of people Don't really understand how important it is and they kind of just want to go to the techniques They just want to you know know what to say and what to do and we're gonna be talking about that as well But really it all starts with you first if you want to make a guy see how valuable you are and You value yourself Then it's a lot easier for him to see how valuable you are and it's a lot easier for you to do things That are in alignment With having a guy see how valuable you are and So what are we even talking about here? So we're talking about Respecting yourself the the term respect actually means to value so you're valuing yourself And so what does this mean and what does it look like? So the question is and we're just gonna go through this really quickly so that we can get on to the part about What to say and what to do since I know that's what everybody really is here to listen and find out about So but the internal part is just as important. So we have to go over it So how do you look at yourself? You know when you think about yourself and you talk about yourself, which we all do we talk either Allowed about ourselves or we talk internally about ourselves, you know a lot of people will say things about themselves like you know There's something wrong with me or you know I'm such an idiot or something like that right and when you do when you talk in those ways about yourself Even if it's internally even if you're just thinking about it It's really devaluing yourself. It's a way of devaluing yourself and it's a way of Reflecting your in inner beliefs about yourself, which turns into words and Questions that you ask about yourself and that you tell other people about yourself and eventually into behaviors of how you Interact with men and they end up Seeing you based on your own internal beliefs and values and thoughts about yourself. And so How do you think about yourself? You know, what kind of beliefs do you have about yourself? You know, what do you say about yourself when you're thinking about yourself or you think about the things that you do? And so real quick. I want to throw out there a way to think about yourself that is In alignment with making sure that a man sees how valuable you are, right? And it's and it's this frame, right? It's a belief frames and beliefs are very very similar if you know anything about a lot of the programs and stuff that I talk about you know about frames because I Talk about frames a lot. And so this frame that you want to have is this frame of I am a high value woman deserving of love, right and so What do you think about this frame, Helena? I Love that frame. I think it's amazing. Yeah I mean something I always say is is a man can't value or respect you or love you really any more than you love and value and Respect yourself so it all starts with you and and start setting this foundation is really important because like Matt was saying We could give you, you know, the perfect thing to say But if it's not authentic and coming from who you are deep down how you really feel about yourself And and what you deserve in a relationship, you know, a man can pick that up, right? He can pick it up when you're trying to just do or say something to affect him in some way And you can't keep that going forever anyway So it's really important to you know pay attention to you know, how you're talking To yourself how you're treating yourself The behavior that you're that you're willing to accept when it comes to dating and relationships and those kinds of things So I love that I think that's great Yeah, and so You know kind of coming off of that and saying, okay, so real quickly, how do we kind of Create this new frame that we come from how do we create this new lens this new belief that we come from where we look Out onto the world and we say that we are deserving that we are a high-value person you know deserving of the love that we want and So there's kind of I'm gonna go through these like I said really quickly because I know people want to get to the Say stuff part But the first way is reframing old beliefs, right? So if you have an old belief where you say, you know Something like I'm not really worthy. I'm not worthy. I'm not deserving. I don't you know, I'm not important Nobody cares about me Something like that just reframing that belief which there's I could do an entire course on how to reframe Your own internal beliefs, but basically what you do is you question it, right? You say is that really the is that really true, right? Is this really true about me and my really is this thought process or this belief? Is that really the truth of the situation and most of the time you'll find that it's not right? We make up our own beliefs our beliefs don't reflect reality our reality the thing that we see reflects our beliefs right and so Just questioning those old beliefs I found at least for me and a lot of the women that I've worked with have been Incredible and a lot of the guys that I used to work with have been really really valuable and incredibly useful The second one is creating emotion around the new belief, right? So there's kind of this thing out there about affirmations and there's a lot of questions about whether Affirmations work or not if I say something a bunch of times Is it going to change anything for me and the answer is usually no if you don't have a positive emotion tied to that new thought process of that new belief and so getting yourself into a positive emotional state before you start kind of looking at that belief that new belief that you want to have which this one is I may high value woman deserving of love and speaking from that place of Feeling love feeling strong feeling confident and then saying that belief over and over and over again Can actually tie those emotions to that belief and make it implant stronger in your mind and then the last one the last way of kind of inserting this new frame this new belief system that you have is by finding evidence out in the world of it right finding evidence of men who Treat you this way finding evidence of reasons why you deserve the love that you want reasons why You're the high woman high value woman that you want to believe that you are right and and the more evidence that you can find the More instances you can find of men treating you well You know even if it's a man that you don't want You know which tends to be kind of this distinction that a lot of women kind of pass up Is this idea that there's a lot of men out there that might treat you really well that you don't want right? Well that can feed into your beliefs of who you want to be and who you are as a human being is an as a woman So yeah, did you want to add anything to that? Yeah, that was sorry. I'm like drinking my coffee. It's been a long day already. Um, yeah I I've never heard you say that before on a video. I love all of that I think that's amazing and so important. Yeah when you shift your beliefs on the Inside different men will start showing up on the outside or your man will really start to see you in a whole new way So I thought yeah amazing amazing. I like that I really like what you said about you have to get yourself to a good emotional place first Which is so important. You don't want to you know be feeling terrible about your love life Then try to install some of these new beliefs like I'm a high-value woman deserving of love to try to like force yourself Somewhere where you aren't right now I always say you have to like make peace with where you are in order to get some place else So if you're feeling good, that's a great time to do this if you're not feeling so good I usually recommend staying off the subject and coming back to it later when you're feeling a little better Oh Thank you for that. I'm gonna just go through all right. We've got a bunch of people yin yang says hi Jody Jones Yeah, shout out to you. Hey, hey, hey Hello cuff cake That's a great names Megan says hi Cartel says hi just Josh is on his mom's account here Hey Josh making melodies with my heart. I like your username. I like your username. That's cool. So hi to you too Jackie says hey Janet says hey, hey if you're here and You want to Say hi, we love it when you say hi to us We love interacting with you if you have a question if you're in a situation where you feel like you're being taken for granted and you want to And you want some information on how to change that, you know, tell us about it And we might get to your question here later on in the video So let's see here All right, let's go on so so what's this thing that we're talking about right? So we're finally getting to it the the external thing the thing that so many people want to hear about that is You know going to instantly change your value in a man's eyes That's not some kind of internal thing that you're working on But it's actually something that you say to him. What is this thing? What could it possibly be? Well, let me tell you what it is and it's something that you've probably heard before But maybe you don't understand or you don't know how to use it or you don't even know what it's talking about Or it seems really boring and you want something more interesting and I get that I get that But you got to understand this thing is so valuable and so important and it can completely change things for you and make a guy Want to pursue you to the ends of the earth Depending I mean it depends on your situation There might be other things that you need to do in order to do that but to make him feel that way But this is going to help you a lot in doing that and it's this thing that we call Boundaries right boundaries. Ta-da boundaries. I Like to call them super boundaries or high-value boundaries or I mean boundaries is good too, but Setting boundaries is incredibly important and like I said before There's this thing that we talk about that I talk a lot about called frames, right? What frame does this man see you in right if you're in this frame of being like a Casual fling to a man. He's going to treat you in a certain way if you're in this frame of you know, you're this woman to be pursued and chased and desired and fought for and given your his everything to in order to be with you He's going to act accordingly to whatever frame he sees you as you know And you might experience this with different men, right? Some men might see you as somebody that they just want to have a casual relationship with other men might, you know sing sing you Sing you love songs and write love poetry to you and and tell you how a beautiful and amazing you are and ask you If you want to get married to them, right? and so it depends on the way that the man sees you and the frame Around it shows him that right and the higher Value your the the more he values you the more he sees your value The more he sees you as a high value woman the more likely he's going to put you into a Relationship or marriage frame where he wants to be with you forever where he wants to fight to win your love and so Let's talk about frames. Did you want to say anything else about frames there? Elena I Was laughing because I think you have a belief that people don't like the foundational stuff. They only like the the techniques That's why I was like kind of laughing over here when you were saying that no I mean Matt is totally the frames guy, right? and I totally like boundaries is what puts you in the category of you know casual something casual or serious relationship or marriage material and You know, it really is true a lot of women are afraid to set boundaries because they're they're Scared that it's gonna like push a man away or scare him off and they just couldn't be further from the truth Not with a high quality man who's really interested in pursuing you for a real relationship Well, and not only that like let's let's go back to this whole thing of your belief system right the frame that you have of yourself and if you have this belief system this frame that you're a Worthy and deserving woman a woman who deserves the love that she wants and somebody that's in really high value Right, you're you're not gonna care. You're gonna be like hey This is my boundary right you can if you don't step up to the plate and fulfill up to this boundary That's a problem for me right it the reason that you're scared is because you don't really have that belief yet That you are a high value woman You don't really believe true deep down in yourself that this is real You know or you're you're afraid that it might not be true And so I just want to go back to that whole setting that belief thing and why it's so important and you're right I do have a belief that a lot of people don't um, you know They don't care about the foundational stuff and then there's a reason for that, you know, there's we set like our highest Selling program that we have is is my framing program. It's called the love frames if you're interested in it It's it's below, but it's all external framing stuff, right? It's the whole Thing about it is how do you create these frames with a man so that he you know steps up to the plate? He acts all these different ways and and we've we've sold and we do sell other Programs that are about creating the beliefs and creating, you know The fundamental things inside yourself to attract men and they never do as well And so yeah, I do have a belief on that. I would like totally understand Lisa We're hoping to change that though or at least I am because it's so true everything Matt said was so spot-on like I just could not agree with that more I mean think about it if you know your value deep down if you have these beliefs that you're a super high value woman You just wouldn't tolerate bad treatment, right? You'd instinctively feel turned off if a man wasn't treating you well, right? You wouldn't want to waste your time with a man who was for example interested in other women or Super hot and cold or always acting distant every time you get too close. You just would instinctively get bored and lose interest Once you truly know your value deep down then everything else like organically falls into place Very different feeling and vibe then not knowing your value and then trying to like put a band-aid on the situation By by saying these like nine magic words to make a guy fall for you, right? It's it it all has to start deep down then you're just instinctively Led to make the decisions that are the best decisions for you in any given moment Absolutely So let's say say hi out here to us So Serenity says I finally caught up with you With your live chat. Yes. That's right Catching up to our live chat tell you something Let's see Brittany says hi, thanks for the new video you're welcome Brittany Yeah, and don't oh whoa don't put it So the comments on here is just so funny. Okay, so I have anxious and anxiety and I'm trying so hard to overcome it That's a whole nother topic What's up love love our podcast. Thanks videos healing gifts love love love All right, so Okay, I have a few questions. What's the right way to pull away from a guy who is somehow taking you for granted? Thank you So today we're gonna be talking about boundaries and we're gonna give you exact word for word ways to talk about boundaries that will raise your value in a man's eyes and So that's really what we're gonna be talking about here And so if you have a question about your situation in how to kind of set boundaries or you know What you need to do for your situation then and it pertains to boundaries We will give you lots of information about that and we may even talk about your specific situation Yeah, right now so all right Let's get moving All right, so what? So so boundaries right so you're setting a boundary and the frame that you're kind of putting yourself in not just kind of this high-value frame or this woman who Is relationship or marriage material frame, but you're also putting yourself yourself in this frame of I am a chooser Right. I am choosing you or I am the one who's screening you they call the screening Sometimes I call it the screening frame I've heard people call it the screening frame right where you look at somebody and you're like, okay I'm going to decide whether you are good for me or not, right and coming from this frame is a really powerful way to Set things up because then it makes the guy start fighting to Or working to invest in you and do things that make it so that you see him as the kind of guy that you Want to have in a relationship and that's a very very powerful place to come from when you are Getting into a relationship or even when you're in a relationship, right? So if a guy feels like in order to keep you he needs to continually do things With you and for you and go on dates with you even even after he's in a relationship with you That's very powerful and that keeps the relationship alive. It keeps it flourishing and that's why these frames are so important That's why it's important to set the right frame and to set it as early as possible So how do you set boundaries? Helena did you want to talk about your way of setting boundaries first? Sure, you know, I kind of always talk about things coming from like a feminine energy perspective So there's all different ways to do this but always starting with how you're feeling I'm feeling blank and then you can also then say what you don't want and then what do you think so It helps if there's an example. Do you want to use a specific example with this Matt? Would that be helpful? Sure. Yeah, I mean do you did you want to talk about something like let's talk about for instance Since we're starting out We're gonna start out kind of at the beginning of meeting a guy and setting boundaries there and then further into Kind of being with a guy and setting boundaries in those types of situations So did you want to just go ahead and talk about an example? Let's say an example of let's say you're about to go out on a date with a guy and You want to be home at a certain time How would you set a boundary in that situation great, yeah perfect example, right? So I'm something along the lines that I'm feeling so excited to you know See you tonight, and I'm also, you know, I have to wake up early for work tomorrow I have a long day ahead of me so I'm gonna need to be home by midnight or whatever it is and Then what do you think does that work for you or you know? How do you want to work this out to make sure that we can see each other and you know? I could still get home get enough sleep before tomorrow really simple Well, and I what I really like about what you're saying right there is it kind of And it's actually very similar to what I'm I do or I teach which we'll talk about here in a second But it what's really cool about is is it's like, you know, you're you're connecting with him first, right? You're connecting with him, and then you're Talking about what it is and then you're giving him kind of this option or this ability For him to kind of step up and and say what needs to be done in order to make sure it happens which is basically getting him to buy in to What your your boundary that you have the frame that you're creating when you're creating it And so I think that's actually absolutely brilliant. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. Yeah, whole different thing then like sure Yeah, I'll go out with you tonight, but I need to be home by midnight It's just it's like keeping your boundaries on the inside Which is what allows you to be open and soft and feminine on the outside so that he can actually get close to you, right? Otherwise if you don't trust yourself, and if you don't have these beliefs that we were talking about We can tend to like project our boundaries outward and build these walls around ourselves Then no guy can get in right a very different feeling of sure I'll go out with you But you know you need to have me home by this time versus oh, I'm feeling really excited to see you I can't wait and you know I'm gonna need to be home by this time just totally totally different one is having your Boundaries on the outside like you know walls that you build around yourself the others having boundaries on the inside So you're like an invitation for man to like to accept that or not Awesome awesome. And so alright, so I'm gonna give my version of how to set boundaries as well And I'm actually taking this directly from my love frames program Which you can get if you click on the link in the description below so so setting boundaries According to my love frames program. This is how this is how we do it There's it's a four four part four part. This is four fingers here. I can count these It's a four part process and the first is to state What your desire is? And then the second one is to say what the boundary is The third is to give the reason why you're setting the boundary Which is really important because when you give him a reason it makes him kind of feel like it's more legitimate and Then the fourth one is to ask him if he agrees to it and so Let's take the instance That we're talking about before where you you want to be let's say you want to be back by 10 o'clock, right? And you are communicating to a man what this boundary is and so here's something that you might say right? So first we're doing what your desire is what the boundary is why and then ask him if he agrees to it So it's I'd love to hang out all night But I need to get back before 10 so that I can get some sleep before tomorrow Can you have me back by 10 right and it's very very simple? I know I'm like breaking it into steps and it seems like maybe it might be more complicated But it's really simple right you're stating your desire I'd love to hang out all night right and then you state your boundary Which is I need to be back before 10 and then you give the reason why which is so that I can get some sleep Before tomorrow and then you ask him If he agrees to it, which is can you have me back by 10 right and if he agrees to it And if he is a man of any integrity whatsoever, then he will live up to it as much as possible and Yeah, so yeah, can I say something real good? Yeah, I love what you said if he has any integrity if he sees you as someone Well first of all setting that setting boundaries and sticking to them will help you it will help put you into that serious relationship Category and if that's something he's truly interested in with you He's gonna want to meet your needs He's not gonna like push try and push you beyond your comfort level And I just wanted to add that you want to start way at the beginning right like you want to see what a man Does when you express and it could just be the tiniest little thing if you're online dating You know if you need if you feel comfortable talking on the phone before a meeting in person Saying like oh it feels so good getting to know you I'd love to connect over the phone before our date this weekend and if a guy isn't open to that He is showing you very clearly that he's not responsive to your needs. He's somebody who doesn't care about your needs He's only you know at least in this situation. He's just kind of out for his own needs So you want to watch his response the point of doing this is not to like make a guy Do what you want is to see what he does with that information, right? Does he honor your boundaries or does he not that's gonna give you so much information about how he feels about you and Perhaps what he's looking for right? Yeah, absolutely, and I just want to emphasize too That this isn't the only way to set boundaries right this is these are kind of our formulas in case you get stuck And you're like oh my god, you know, I really I really like this guy And you know he's pushing me for sex or I really like this guy But I need to stay you know here You know I need to get home before the certain time tonight or you know I really want to make sure that this happens or you know, whatever and You're not really sure what to say. You're not really sure how to go about it So we create these formulas for you so that you leave a good impression when you're talking to a man But you can also state a boundary just by saying no, right? So and you can re-emphasize a boundary just by saying no And so if a guy is trying to push for something and you're not okay with it You just say hey, I'm not you know, that's not okay with me You know, I'm not I'm not ready to do that right now Which sometimes depending on the situation it might go off really really well and you know and depending on the situation It might not go off really really well So it we're giving you kind of these formulas so that you can take it into your situation and use it In a way that always makes sure that you're saying something great, right? Because if a guy feels like You don't really like him or you're not really that into him He might end up not continuing to pursue you right if you say no to him and you're like well No, no, I'm not okay with you sitting next to me, right and and he's like whoa Why is she a yummy does she not like me all of a sudden or or he goes in to kiss you, right? And you're just like no no no no no right? He might think oh my god She's putting me in the friend zone right and then he might not end up pursuing you After that because he thinks that you're not really interested in having a romantic relationship with him If that's what he wants to have with you and so um, you know It's important to kind of say how you feel or what's going on with you Or you know what I'm talking about is saying what you want because if you're like yeah I'd love to just you know make out with you all night, but you know like I'm not really ready for that right now and You know you because you know whatever is going on with you, you know, I'm just I'm feeling like we're still just you know Getting to know each other You know as it, you know, maybe we can make out later or something is that you know, is that okay with you? Right that sounds a lot better than just being like no no no no get away from me like I can't you know Don't do that right now right and so if you're in a situation and You want it to go well and you want to show that you're a high-value woman and that you know You want him to respect you and your boundaries and who you are Then you know use one of these formulas that we're giving you yeah, yeah So I love everything you said is the difference between feeling strong and secure having really strong boundaries on the inside So you can be open and feminine and receptive on the outside versus the opposite You don't feel you don't trust yourself on the inside So you have to build these walls around yourself on the outside you feel the difference there Yeah, so Let's see here Wow, there are just there's like so many comments here. We have 134 people watching You're both always a big help to me. Thank you for advice. You're welcome So so what we're gonna talk about next is kind of different scenarios Did you have some scenarios here Blana that you wanted to talk about? You know the last minute dates is something I hear about all the time You know guy just asked to see since see her last minute also You know anything around sex is something we both get asked about all the time a guy is pushing for you know To move things forward sexually a little faster than she's she's hoping You know, but she likes him and she wants to just get to know him better and feel more connected Or maybe she needs to know that they're exclusive before feeling comfortable I mean if you guys have questions that we would love to talk about anything really yeah, okay, so Let's talk about some of these scenarios here We have This so Katie says hi, how can I change from casual to setting boundaries? I made a mistake of being there too easy now. He treats me not so important Yeah, so that's I mean that's literally exactly what we're talking about here Well, so so let's talk about your frame first, right? So we talked to in the beginning of the video about having kind of this frame of being in a casual relationship to having this frame of being in a Like a long-term relationship or marriage being marriage material being relationship material, right? Those are two completely different frames And so if he's taking you for granted and he's just you know looking at you as a casual fling type of thing Then what's going on is he's got you in that? You know that that frame of being casual and so what you want to do is kind of move things over Into this other category and you can do that through boundaries, right? So you you can You know talk about like what what you know You you might have to give me a little bit Clear of a scenario with you know what's going on there, but let's say that you know he's Let's say that You know he contacts you in the middle of the night for a booty call, right? And you don't want to do the booty call thing. So Here's something that you might want to say so you might say something like That sounds like a lot of fun and I'd love to come over some night in the future But I'd rather that for right now We meet up during the day so that we can get to know each other a little bit better first How do you how about we meet up during the day this weekend, right? And so What you're doing there and this might not this might be a little bit It kind of depends on how long you've been Doing the casual thing for but if this is kind of earlier, this would work really great because you're saying Hey, I want to do something where we're doing it like we're getting to know each other better And we're learning about each other and we're you know developing this friendship and this You know real relationship on top of maybe the sexual thing that we're going to do and so, you know, I'd like to Get to know each other first a little bit better And then you're giving you're kind of giving a suggestion or asking him if you know He wants to do something this weekend Which is kind of skirting it along and being like yeah, let's do that which you know a lot. It's funny I've seen a lot of women especially in our community Who will say things like? You know just just don't answer the text or just don't talk to him right which you know You can do obviously and maybe he is just looking for something casual and But it's also possible that He's put you in this kind of casual relationship category But if you are in this other category he would pursue you for something like that and so Setting boundaries and finding out which one it is right? So if you set that boundary There's a possibility that he might just decide that he doesn't want anything Real maybe not real with you or maybe not real with anybody and then just not continue kind of pursuing you And there's also a possibility that he might be like, okay. Well, she wants something real I'm gonna have to treat her You know well, I'm gonna have to treat her with respect. I'm gonna have to value her I'm gonna have to do all these things in order to You know get into this scenario where I want to be in a relationship and having sex and you know Be romantically involved with her because a lot of guys will do that. They'll slip into the Kind of casual scenario and then they'll get all their needs met right through the casual scenario as a um And if if you Want him to see you as relationship material you have to get him to start doing You know all the things where he's getting his needs met In a romantic kind of frame in a long-term relationship frame in a I see you as Long-term relationship marriage partner frame, right? And so that's what we're kind of talking about here Uh I kind of went off on a long tangent. No, that was like wow you're on fire today. That was all so Valuable. Yeah, somebody asked, you know, what happens if you set a boundary and the guy pulls away It's like, you know, just like matt was saying right now You know, it shows you that maybe he's just not interested in something real if if he Calls you over for a booty call and you set a boundary And then he backs off and you don't hear from him as often It's a big clue that he's not really interested in what it is that you know, you want if what you want is something more serious Yeah, absolutely so um Is there any bibliography about feminine and masculine energy? We actually did a live stream on feminine feminine and masculine energy A few months ago and it like really goes over in detail everything about that And if you're really interested in learning how to implement Connecting with a guy and attracting a guy and keeping a guy with your feminine energy You should go to uh and check out our feminine enchantment program There's a link in the description below if you want to go and check out that program It's all helena talking about that stuff and it's absolutely fantastic. Her stuff is amazing. She you know, there's so many people that Um get into the attract and get into the relationships that they want because of using helena stuff So you should definitely go check that out if you're really interested in feminine feminine energy Yeah, then I answer your questions every week. You can ask me your personal questions. I answer them It's more of a private setting than this Okay, so um Uh, do what kind of boundary do you set with someone that you are reconnecting with that may be seeing someone else? well, it depends on what kind of a relationship you want with that person and You know how you want that to come about right so, um My personal I mean it's it's one of those things it depends on what kind of relationship He has to this other person right if you get into a dating scenario of any kind whether it's you know Meeting up with your ex again who you used to be in a great relate or you felt like you are really in a good relationship with Or meeting someone new you always have to assume that they're dating other people Right and and uh, that's a big difference though than being in a committed relationship Or maybe their boyfriend girlfriend or something like that. Um So it kind of depends on what scenario this guy is in with that woman Right if she is if he's in a scenario where it's boyfriend girlfriend or something serious something committed um My personal opinion is that you shouldn't get into anything romantically with him until He's not in a committed relationship because if he does do that stuff Um when he's with her he's going to do the same thing with you Um regardless of whether it's an ex or anything like that And there's also other boundaries that you need to set up when uh reconnecting with your ex that I go into a great length about in One of my uh other program I restart your relationship program that uh, I mean it's a whole program about that kind of stuff Um, did did you want to say anything about that? Yeah, also, you know, don't wait around if if he you know without knowing the specifics of your situation If he knows that you're just going to be there waiting Then he has no reason to make a move, right? You got to be dating other people if he's dating other people You have to be dating other people too. It'll help you a lot Yeah, absolutely. I 100 percent agree with that. Um, and like I said, there's a big difference between Kind of a committed relationship and dating other people at the same time. Um So, okay, so So what happens when you start putting your foot down and saying your boundaries and he pulls away? Do you give him time? Um, it depends it depends on what kind what you said when you were um Whenever a guy pulls away at least in most instances not in all instances mind you But in most instances you want to kind of let him kind of go let him pull away Helena did a great video on this actually Um that we published not too long ago on this channel, but um Yeah, I mean if you're it depends on how you set your boundaries, right if you set them in a way that kind of Uh, turn them off and made him think that you weren't actually interested Like it's one of the things that um, I talk about a lot, right? If a guy Suddenly feels like you're no longer interested. It's like a man's worst nightmare, right? men are constantly Uh, we get a lot of questions about you know, oh do men, you know, put as much effort and money and energy into Um relationships with women and the answer is yes They do but at the early stages because most men end up getting put into this thing called the friend zone Right, which is this nightmare scenario where um and a lot of women get put in that uh situation as well guys tend to get put into it all the time and You know all every man unless you know, you look like Brad Pitt, I guess um But uh, but yeah, so so you always have to kind of let men know that you're still interested You have to you know, if he's doing something that you want to do but you're just not ready for it or whatever You have to let him know that you know, you are interested in it but you know that you're not interested in right now for whatever reasons and You know possibly either suggesting something else or um, you know asking him if if uh, you know, he buys into that idea And we've kind of talked about this a couple different times here. So um, I won't belabor on that point Did you want to say anything about that Elena? Yeah, we have questions all the time in these live streams and just in the comment sections of some of our videos about While he was pursuing me really strongly and then I told him I just wasn't interested and then he stopped pursuing me What and what do I do to get him to pursue me again? So yeah, men are very sensitive to this and they're afraid of rejection too Just like we are so if they get the sense that there's nothing if there's just nothing to compel him to keep coming towards you He will back off if he feels like he can't win with you or he can't really get anywhere with you Yeah, absolutely Absolutely men love winning they want to win with you and if they feel like three They are winning with you or they can win with you in the near future They'll continue to pursue you and so you want them to feel that way about you and so Um, Elena says I like how you said Feeling strong and secure on the inside so you can be more positive open and receptive on the outside Yeah, I mean, it's it's absolutely absolutely Leticia says I believe it is possible to change the category by pulling away a little bit. Am I right? Well, it depends on what you mean by that, right? If you what you mean is that you are going to start ignoring a guy and doing that kind of thing I don't suggest that you do that. Um, I do suggest that If you're like smothering a guy that you pull back a little bit and give him some space But if if you're talking about trying like playing some kind of game with him or you're like ignoring his calls or You know not texting him back for two or three hours. I don't suggest that you do that at all That could backfire completely and either one end up in a relationship Where you're getting revenge on each other and fighting all the time or two it could end up In a situation where he doesn't actually think you're that interested and so he just leaves you alone completely Yeah, totally and even if you do get some kind of short-term result It breeds insecurity within yourself because it's like this it's like he's attracted to this facade that you're creating So yeah, we never advise playing games. You just can't keep him going forever and men can pick up on it too Yeah, absolutely they can And if a guy feels like you're impossible to get right He's not going to chase you because he's going to be like, oh, this is just you know Like this isn't gonna it's never gonna happen Right and there's a lot of scenarios where that happens and if you pull away too much He might think that or if he thinks you're playing games He might immediately take you out of the relationship category and then you're gonna be really angry about that You're gonna be on our forum asking us how you're gonna get him back and Um, it's gonna be a problem. It's gonna be a problem All right, so he no called no showed he would say I'll call you back, but I don't But didn't so I just said that's unacceptable. I'm not going for that Okay, um What do you do when you're with a guy for like four years? He already introduced you to his family, but he doesn't call you his girlfriend And I already said I want a serious relationship, but he doesn't say anything Um, is this is this a boundary thing? Elena is a boundary thing It could be it depends. It really depends on the situation. Have you asked him about this? Yes, he knows you want to be in a serious relationship, but have you asked him? Have you tried setting a boundary and he ignored it? What what exactly happened there? Yeah, I mean, do you know what he wants? You know I the thing about being in a casual relationship And we talk about this all the time is that men can be in casual relationships forever You know he could be in a we've talked and you'll see women in our forum If you haven't checked out her forum Go and search the goddess community on facebook and join our forum And our forum you'll see there there are women in there who have been in casual relationships That I think there was one the other day where she said she was in a casual relationship for like 13 14 years or something like that I mean, it's just like whoa, you know, that's a long time And this guy never thought of her as anything more because You know, there's a different wiring there and so you have to make sure that you don't end up You know spending tons and tons of time with a guy who's not looking to invest in you. He's not looking to Have the same thing that you want and Who who was I talking to the other day was it it might have been Helena we were talking about um What's more important the The guy or the relationship right and so if you look at a scenario with a A man and you look at him and you're like this is you know, what's more important to you What's the priority in your life is the priority to have the relationship that you want? Or is the priority to have this man this one man who? May or may not give that to you, right? And so coming from that standpoint and deciding which one is more important is very important because then when you go to set the boundary you know, um You know what you're going to do when he reacts, right? So if you believe that the man is the most important thing and not the relationship then when you set that boundary You're probably going to Cave you're probably not going to hold to that boundary because Um, you're more intrigued because if the guy pulls away and he's like, oh well, you know, that's not what I want You know, you're going to chase him and you're going to be like no no no I didn't really mean that right whereas if you're like this relationship Is the thing that's the most important to me and the guy's like hey, I'm not really interested in that Then you're like, okay cool, you know, I'll find somebody that is right and just with that He might end up being like, oh, um, you know, I didn't really uh, you know what you are actually Who I want, you know and and that happens all the time and sometimes it doesn't and you have to be willing The willingness to walk away from a bad situation is one of the most powerful Uh frames that you can come from right knowing that hey, I You know, this is the most important thing to me and I'm not going to settle for This casual relationship or this thing that I don't want, you know Just because you know, you uh, I'm really attracted to you Right and kind of pulling yourself out of that and being like, you know, this is the most important thing is is really Yeah, oh my god. I'm leveling on again. No, I'm I'm telling you this is all like everything coming out of your mouth That's just like pure gold today. I love it. Um, that was yes That was me we're talking to we did a live stream on my channel recently on the 10 attitudes men love about women And this I believe was one of them. It's so important You want to put your desire for a really fulfilling long lasting relationship or whatever it is Sort of ahead of your desire to be with any one particular man A lot of women that that come to us asking us these questions They want a a committed relationship But they also really just want this one guy and a man can feel that and when a man feels that you are Gonna compromise your own boundaries in order to be with him and you'll just do whatever it takes to be with him Even if it means ignoring your own desires and your own needs He's gonna walk all over your boundaries even if he's a nice guy and even if he really loves you and cares about you It's almost just like a human instinct thing. Um, if a man feel he'll feel that your boundaries are like optional I believe is the way matt put it when we talked about this last time Yeah, absolutely so um We are at 348 right now or 248. I guess your time. Um, how much longer do you Helena's actually got a A boundary around how long she needs to do this I know when you were saying the thing about the date of being home early I'm like I feel like I said this like okay. I'll do a live stream, but I have to be done by three I have like 10 minutes We want to answer some more questions or is there anything else we want to cover? Um, did did you want to give your example about the sexual situation? Uh, oh, yeah, where the guy was kind of pushing for sex early. It's really important. Yeah This is like one of the biggest things that we hear all the time, right? A man's pushing things forward sexually a little maybe faster than she likes and Um, but she likes him and she still wants to get to know if she's open to it Just not so soon Doing it within the frame that we've been talking about here might sound something like, you know, this this feels incredible And and I'm and I'm really looking forward to that, you know, I I'm definitely, you know, can't wait for things to progress And you know in order to feel comfortable with that Here's what I would need, you know, whether it be needing to know that you're exclusive or at least sexually exclusive Needing to feel more deeply connected to him spending some more time together Needing to know, you know, what he sees for himself and the two of you, you know, whether or not you're on the same page It's like you're giving him something that he can get later You know, if he invests in you and something matt always talks about which is so brilliant is is a man needs to feel that He's invested in you and continuing to invest in you in order for him to want to commit so I call it almost like planning a future seed in his mind like, oh my gosh, this feels so good I'm really looking forward to that and that's something that i'm really saving for for when i'm in an exclusive relationship Or for when i feel really deeply connected to a man and you know, and then what do you think is always the last piece of this What do you think about that coming from a place of curiosity, right? Genuine curiosity wanting to see where he's coming from rather than, you know, trying to just get that response You're looking for in the moment. It's really important Yeah, absolutely that that's brilliant and we can call that one the if you want To have the exclusivity talk with a guy Here's here's how to do it right because he's going to be pursuing Hopefully he's going to be pursuing you for a sexual relationship, right? If he's interested in that and you're interested in that you're both interested in that you're in that scenario And he's pushing for it Then you can start talking about this and it's like, yeah, you know, I want to be Exclusive with somebody. I want to be in the scenario with somebody, you know, is this um something that we're going to be doing together um So real quick. I want to touch on uh, so um And okay, so yeah, I mean, okay, so anna says, how do you know you're with the right man and also what do you mean by boundaries? um You might want to rewatch this uh video because we talk all about that um Also, and I Am also busy the next time he calls you Okay, so one thing I want to talk about here real quick is this idea of um Coming together right so a lot of people kind of come to us and a lot of women come to us and they want to Learn these tactics and these techniques and these ways to trick a man And how do I get him to do this and how do I you know act these different ways? which sometimes ends up turning into An abusive situation where they're you know messing with a man's head and That's not healthy right and I would never ever suggest that anybody does that and let me tell you why um We here at commitment connection and all the coaches that are involved with us and everything that we're doing Is moving towards something that we like to call well that that I actually got from the concept from allison armstrong Which is this idea of partnership right coming together man and woman on the same side Working together You know if you want a man to look at you as somebody that he wants in his life forever He has to feel like you're on his side right you have to be on the same side going for something that Is bigger and greater There's a lot of pain right now Especially in the united states with this kind of war the sexist thing that we have going on And there's a lot of abuse and there's a lot of attacking and there's a lot of you know People that are giving up because they're so tired of all the games and all the nonsense And all the treating of each other badly and poorly and I want to get away from that I want everybody to get away from that because it's not healthy Right you might get what you want in the short run, but in the long run It's it's hurting you it's hurting your relationship. It's hurting the man It's going to hurt future relationships if things don't work out with you and this man down the road Um and instead I think we should come from a much more holistic standpoint And the what we're talking about here with the boundaries with looking inside with respecting yourself with the Feeling like and coming from this frame of a woman who deserves the love that she wants of being a woman That's a high value woman that a man wants to pursue and fight for and give his everything for That is a healthy perspective Right coming from this perspective of how do I you know like pull away from him and get this reaction that I want Right, that's not a healthy perspective, you know coming from a standpoint of I am a valuable human being I respect myself and I only want to be in a relationship with somebody who respects me And wants the relationship that I want is a healthy perspective Right and so the more that we can come from that perspective not only will you more likely get what you ultimately want in the end Which hopefully is the relationship that you want Um and not be in some kind of abusive game playing thing where you're attacking each other all the time But it'll also make everybody on this planet and specifically in the united states Have better relationships with each other You know if we hold a higher standard Not only for the people that we want to be with in our relationships But also for ourselves and making sure that we're coming from a healthy place and making sure that we're Uh connecting with uh the opposite sex in a very healthy way Then we're all going to have better relationships. We're all going to feel better about ourselves We're we're going to feel better about having kids that are raised in environments Where you know, they can actually connect with the opposite sex and and you know We don't think that they're going to get abused and hurt and destroyed by the opposite sex And so I just want to uh kind of convey this idea of what we're really doing here You know in one standpoint. Yes, I want you to get the man that you want I want you to have the relationship that you want and from another standpoint, you know, I want this We need to heal, you know, we need to become stronger people We need to live um in a way that that makes uh the opposite sex want to be with us from a genuine authentic standpoint And you know playing the games and playing the you know, how do I just ignore his phone call so that you know He gets all crazy about me like that stuff needs to go away And this healthy way of connecting with men which from a long long term standpoint works far better than playing those stupid little games Um If we come from that standpoint, you're going to have a better relationship You're going to attract better men and you're going to have the relationship that you ultimately want because of it Did did you want to say anything about that? Helena? I think you said it all I think that's great. Yeah, it's like coming together in partnership rather than this They're like adversarial relating that's going on or or where are you coming from? Are you doing this? Are you setting a boundary because you're honoring yourself? This is who you are Or are you doing it to get some result on one particular man? You just have to trust that if you set a boundary you value yourself you stick to your own high standards The wrong man for you is going to fade away and if he does that's a good thing He's he's gone because he's supposed to be gone and the right man for you is going to step right in And you don't have to micromanage it so much. That's that's been my experience with that I saw a question from leslie. She said what boundary should I use if he doesn't know what he wants and This is something I hear all the time that it's as common as the sexual boundary So do you mind if I just answer that really quick before I before I get going? Yeah, absolutely Man doesn't know what he wants. He's confused. He likes you, but he doesn't know if he wants a relationship You know going with the frame that we've been setting here saying like wow Thank you so much for your honesty feels great to to really know to know that about you and Actually, what I'm looking for is to date someone who is you know looking for a committed relationship or or something Whatever it is you're going to fill in the blank there with what it is you want So um in the meantime, it would feel Better to me to keep my options open or it would feel better to move on until you figure out what you want Rather than waiting around for him or or shaming him for not knowing what he wants or or otherwise trying to force him Into some kind of commitment. He's not ready for so he doesn't know what you want Great because you know what you want So you're gonna keep dating and keep meeting men and getting out there until A man comes towards you that is ready and knows what he wants whether it be this man If he figures it out or a man who's even better for you Absolutely. All right. So thank you everyone for being here with us. Uh, I I love that everybody's here And you know, you're the best part of our community and um, you know, I love the support. You know, we broke 85 000 I think we already passed 86 000 subscribers on our channel So thank you so much for being here and being a part of this and uh, you know Relying on us and and allowing us to give you our information and trusting that you know What we're doing can work for you and it's worked for a lot of women You know, if you if you want more information On exactly what to do to attract and keep the man that you've always wanted in your life and you want one on one feedback and Get your questions answered by Helena go and check out feminine enchantment There's a link in the description below that you can go and check that out If you want to learn more about framing I have a program down there that'll teach you more than anybody ever wants to know about framing Um, and so you can check that out in the description below as well. So thank you so much We love you guys and thank you for being a part of our channel and thank you for being here Do you want to say goodbye? Yes, I did. I just wanted to say bye everyone Thank you so much for watching all the way to the end. We love you guys and hopefully we can do this again soon Yep talk soon