 And your mother is magically beautiful. It's magically beautiful, so thanks a lot, Pedro, because that shit is suitable. I was over here, champing my cuticles, trying to think about what my raps would actually do to you. Yo, they wouldn't do nothing, it's true cousin, you're buzzing. Yo, yo, your mother eats a blue muffin. Yo, yo, yo, I've been on the true buzzing, taking too much truffles. You've been too much trouble. Yo, I'm blue, I do this cousin. It's a good non-flopful fucking day, this is Don't Flop Global. We're here in Philadelphia, USA, please make some noise, let's go! Hey, guys, thanks for being here, for the people that you support, you know the score. This is the first battle of our first day of the video event. I'm sure it's the first of many. Straight into the battle, MC on my right-hand side, Dave, UFC with Don't Flop. We have J.R. Spangler, make some noise, let's go! What fucking day? Don't know, don't know. MC on my left-hand side, another day of UFC on the day. You've got to sit over yourself, make some noise, let's go! First time of Philly, first time of Don't Flop. Don't Flop. Let's go! I said it's my first time of Philly, my first time of Don't Flop. But that's not it. Because this is the first battle ever where I could never possibly hear an eyebrow joke. I said I hate your fucking face, J.R. I am not even fucking kidding. You know what, 20 minutes. That means five hours ago when you were watching porn how beaten off in your mother's kitchen, I was fucking flipping because Google Maps told me to take an exit late and I fucking missed it. That was my chance, so I fucking hit it. So I don't even want to battle you, J.R. I've had such a bad day, I just need this crowd to fucking listen. I am not leaving until I give that Philly bitch some of this hard dick and bubble wishes. Fuck it. Who the fuck man is tripping? He can't even get in the dock, he's here in organic bitching. When he told me about it, his hands were twitching, he damn near had an aneurysm. That's how I know it's not because she won't even say it to organic chicken. If you pay her any money, I will beat you up because that will be a wasted dough. Like you ordered her pizza, but you didn't eat the crust. This is word to McDonald's. Word to McDonald's chicken McNuggets. I will piece you up. I know you probably brought a lot of jokes, J.R., but that won't be enough. And I know Uno probably put some good weed in his burrito ducks. He'll be the same day, day and night, gets his 30 Gs from Lux, or he gets a retweet from Lux. So keep my name out your mouth with that hate and shit. Only person allowed to come and be sideways pussy is an Asian bitch. He goes, my best friend's with Olavos. It was getting shit. But it made me sick, it made me think that he turned about their relationship. Then I thought, if Uno eats a meal, J.R. makes the shit. So like a fish steak with tips, he won't eat late, so he makes homemade potato chips. He even brings the queso dip for dessert. There's danishes, cake and shit. J.R. wants to have the cake, but Uno's hoping he miscarries it. Y'all are fucking crazy if you think he eats the best, because when I got him, I seen him outside of CVS through an RPG set. Right, I'm gonna take a shit on this stage and call it a day. He was talking about his drive out here. I figured that's cool when he might as well. He said he got a ticket. How, bro? You're fucking white as hell. Y'all, it's great to meet you. Welcome to the show, Don't Flop. But this is where the promo stops. Left hand, throw a shot. But you can get this one for free like a bogo spot. So get your cameras ready, opponents. What exactly have you done so far? Lex Luthor suggested you, sir, and that's the entire reason you're on the undercard. The fucked up part is now I gotta write a bunch of bars explaining to everyone who the fuck you are. Where'd you get the name Celebrity Cell anyway? Brock and Diane have found out. Cause cells are known for having bars. You're more like Celebrity Time Out. Now you're Italian, but you look like you could be Korean and white. Cause your eyes are closed in such a way that they're impeding your sight. I bet you sprinkle Parmesan cheese when you're eating your rice and you know the exact square root of fucking beating your wife. You should have stood there and fought like a man. How are you Italian? And I gotta teach you how to talk with your hands. So I tell him to break a leg, but for you I can't walk for assurance. Should I woke up this morning and got myself a gun to turn his son into an orphan? Your last battles were a draw, a loss and a forfeit. I'm Tony Soprano, he's Ralph Cipriano. Because I'm gonna end up chopping up this body if you come with that horse shit. See, you was a leg and you ain't got the tools to take to battle me. It's the 29th of March is made to mark the day that you became a casualty. Getting hit with a cyclone. But think of an iPhone because you're gonna watch yourself die and there's nothing you can do to change the battery. But I gotta put on the shoulder to prove that I've been a boss in them. Took my fucking drink. Because the Red Bull never lost. I just hate all the fucking double standards here. So let's say I lose, which I would never to Mr. fucking J.R. Slander here. I hate everybody in this room that understands me clear. Worst case scenario is I go home, lose no sleep, have a beautiful family and make a hundred grand a year. I was ignorant, but it's true. I said, I will find you a bit impressive. So the fact that you're a five dollars a battle, you must have been depressing. Everybody says this kid's aggressive. But I don't believe a motherfucking word they say for a millisecond. You are a punk pussy bitch. Detective, do you get the message? He's from Jersey. When was the last time you've been a newer? The last time you took a trip to Trenton. And you act like your boy going over some sort of fucking Philly legend. If he told you to toss and sell it, you run to the fridge and get the dressing. I was what his face in the hot tub. It was my dick that the chick was sweating so I pulled out. Kids in the water. That's a swimming machine. That is some G-shit. I've said, my eyebrows say I'm Italian, but yours tell me that your dad is from Egypt. He just took a second. Like, you won't laugh when you see this. You just look like you went to Hitman Hollis Barber and asked for the reading. If you grew that shit out, it would be a rapper one. Nothing in the middle. Yo, you couldn't even pat it down. You are such a faggot clown. Even your best friend wants to laugh out loud. See, what we have here is a classic game of cat and mouse. This is not the rookie version of Mayweather vs. Pacquiao. This is a trained pit bull blacking out in a bass attack. You have to be smoking DNA, city tower scream. I even backed out my third through half the round, plus I sell Hyundai's. What more could you have to rap about? That's about it. In eight states, there's really nothing to fucking rap about. You have 20 in eight states, there's nothing to fucking rap about. So I couldn't even go through half of a round with that shit without passing out. But I attributed it to a long work where you can smoke and call you loud. To be honest, this battle, when I woke up at fucking 6.30, I was like, I'm backing out. When I woke up at 6.30, I was like, yo, fuck this shit, I'm backing out. And it's not because you suck and your career is nothing to rap about. It's because I thought if I drive five hours, an herb doesn't put this battle out. I will fucking be spazzing out. And what you need to do is stop bringing up my past accounts. Because all the shit that happened in the past, that doesn't matter now. It's me and you, JR, and you're only as good as your last three rounds. These battles you need to do is stop letting Uno stand beside you and gash your rounds. Because if you'd subtract him out and rewatch his battles, you wouldn't even know what the fucking crowd was laughing about. It's all of his opponents who are rematches now. And I feel that all of his opponents are why rematches now. That's round two, man. Let's go. Round two, okay. Okay, others are suffering because of them. Favoritism is plaguing systems. So even if they're hustling, certain leagues just wouldn't fuck with them. Some people have worked their ass off for this opportunity and that's in front of them. And with all that being said, the celebrity cell is not one of them. Now I'm not claiming to be the best. Big battles are something I'm kind of new to. And I ain't saying that I'm the greatest, I'm just letting y'all know who's who. He paid for a battle with DNA. A guy that averages $500,000, right? Hits on YouTube and your battle with him got $30,000. That makes you a negative $470,000 if you do it. You're reckless in selling cars that simultaneously fund terrorism and Kim Jong-Kil's war efforts. Yo, so if you see ARs, you don't even have to pay that much for them. You think ERG's got a bad accent. This dude sells a ton of them. I've been smashing his Hyundai. Should I give that bitch body work? Damn! You need to stick the garden stock in the parking lot. You're a market on top of that, you're market-strapping. Then I carve his top like a barbershop. And then look for a new spot like an apartment shopping. You're garbage-ocking. Your bars are sloppy. It's gonna be hard to not think. You're hardest-stopping. Who cares if you drive in a laundry? Your image is so nada. You're a carbon copy. It's even your fucking carbon copy. See, I'm better at this. You never have, but then you don't like facing it, do you? This celebrity deathmatch, I built this lane out of clay and I've been aching to school you. Surgery. I'm just taking the time out to start shaking my pupil. That's it! You need to go, man. I've taken the 413 Battle League, and it's true. And I wish it wasn't. I just hate it, y'all. I even called up to do it on YouTube. I was like, how the fuck do I get this taken off? But talk about the two-verse battle. There was something he was saying, dawg. He said y'all were supposed to battle before that. And you hit up Logic a day before with that Link Jake from State Farm call. And you had the famous call. Right? That's what he said. And then Uno showed up and choked every round. Wait, I'll leave him hanging, dawg. I think you know where I'm going. I think you know what I'm saying, John. I might have backed out in a third, but at least I showed up to take the loss. Jesus Christ! J.R. Hideo Jean wrote before the battle. He was like, we got to stick together. Because as far as white people in this car, we're the only ones, y'all. Then there was an awkward silence, and I said, what about Rosenberg? We're all... No? No, can you? Something went off. You can't hear me. Right? You can't hear me. Yeah. Because I saw him. That's cool. He's a mad car. But I can put a dealer's play on a Range Rover and drive around like it's NASCAR. What do you pay? $3 a gallon? I have a NASCAR. My brows thicker than mine. At least I get mine trim when it's time. You just let them go to a ridiculous size. Your girl hits me up for the dick infinite time. She said, yours is so short, if you make a porno, it is still considered a fight. Jesus Paul, listen. All he does is have a bunch of multis. Tell us, Joe, is that aggressive and then stares at the crowd's weight because he loves attention. There's not going to be that soon. Give me a fucking second. When him and Nuno go both ways, they listen to one direction. Let's go, right? Instead of coming here, you might as well just lay face flat and tie yourself to train tracks. I know you're at ADHD and it's face off battle league and I can't even hate that but your hairline does because that battle's an amen. People like it because any great classic is like, hey dad, for the rest of my life can I wear a wig? He orders me lovers. When he knows the dominoes, he orders me lovers. I sat out and as far as work I take, I hope you took off more than a weekfunker because you're going to need more than that to recover on that fucking sleep number. He's burned so many bridges. I'm talking king of the die. Eye battle. Just because you want to be stubborn when he's homeless in 10 years he'll have no bridge to sleep under. When he showed up looking homeless, that's because he spends all his time selling on days, writing bars and getting focused so he can hang those new Jordans next to his eviction notice. It's your son's birthday party to be here. I happen to think that that's so sad. It was yesterday. What'd you get your kid for his birthday? No dad? These y'all are better off as neighbors. He'll show up at 3 a.m. and then he'll clean. He lost his pager. When he carries the chap the kid is scared to sack like he's the Boston strangler and that's ever since his mother taught him not to talk to strangers. And you're out here buying battles. You should be putting food on the table where you both live. Instead you paid for DNA. Bro, you should have done that shit with your own kid. He must have felt like he got pretty low on Santa's list when all he got for Christmas was bad memories and abandonment. In retrospect, Zach in retrospect, that probably wasn't the best present. But you can tell your bitch the next time she gets pregnant that shit is a death sentence. I will uppercut that fucking slug down the stairway to heaven while listening to Led Zeppelin. There you go. Let me tell you something that you don't know. Your boy sells his whole shit. It's got his whole brain looking like a snow globe. Now you want to live your life fine but it's kind of like your battle career because you got to break out your credit card when it's time to do your little white lines. You see if you carry yourself with some dignity and respect your own people would support you when that holds true. I guess there's no iron integrity, right? Oh shit, correction. There's no you. This whole scene the event was packed with the raptors and the nosebleeds and the rap of a passion. He was half ass in the whole thing. This carried Quinn after two rounds and said he was finished with rap to his fans in his home team. Now it's ironic that I haven't looked at him this whole scheme and the fact is it's symbolic but what does it actually all mean? I just did it to demonstrate how you left the game and turned your back on your whole league. What was the time, man? So now she's very cell and falling for ballers so it's going to take more than to be on the NBA roster to call I'm talking bachelor pair with a match and a greed with a couple lofty endeavors which happen to be showing the things that differ in aberration from the men she distant more like a non