 Item number SCP-4378 Object Class Euclid Special Containment Procedures SCP-4378 is contained within a 5-liter stainless steel mixing bowl. The bowl is enclosed within the former kitchen of the United States White House, with access by a single outward swinging door. The door is to be kept locked at all times. All movement and sound within 20 meters of the object is to be kept to a minimum. Under no circumstances is it to be disturbed. An X-class cognitohazard is to be placed within the immediate vicinity of the kitchen door leading to SCP-4378, preventing White House personnel from either perceiving or approaching it. Description SCP-4378 is a single uncooked, dissequo-brand lasagna noodle. Disturbing SCP-4378, possibly even by extended observation, causes physical objects within its range of effect to be transferred to what is theorized to be another dimension. Designated SCP-4378-A. The range of this effect is proportional to the amount of disturbance. The relational growth rate of the object's anomalous properties is unknown. Entities transferred to SCP-4378-A are unrecoverable. Communication with these entities can be accomplished by manipulating cooked noodles within 5 meters of SCP-4378. Extensive communication with subjects has been conducted. It is not understood how subjects continue to exist within SCP-4378-A. As subjects seem to lose all concept of personal identity, a Model M-130 remote communications bot has been used in attempts to communicate with the subjects, but has proven unsuccessful. Ascension interviewer is required in order to communicate with subjects within SCP-4378-A. Subjects have been incapable of describing SCP-4378-A in any coherent manner. However, it is possible to send recording equipment to SCP-4378-A for brief periods of time. After approximately 10 minutes and 17 seconds, the equipment is ejected from SCP-4378-A retaining any recorded data. SCP-4378-A appears to be a brightly lit void loosely filled with dried pasta, primarily spaghetti noodles. Noodles have been observed spontaneously manifesting within the void during recordings, but the location of their creation is unknown. Communications with subjects sent through SCP-4378-A has been limited, usually only given in a simplified stream of consciousness that has proven difficult to understand, which has been exasperated by the required method of communication. When sent to SCP-4378-A, subjects seem incapable of understanding how they are communicating with researchers and the fact that they were once human, but retain their name. SCP-4378 was discovered immediately following the sudden disappearance of Secretary of State Michael Pompeo. SCP-4378 was observed spontaneously disappearing on security footage recorded on March 18, 2020, taken from the White House kitchen. The brief video shows SCP-4378-A opening an upper cabinet, taking hold of and opening a disseco lasagna noodle box and removing SCP-4378 from the box. SCP-4378-A then spontaneously disappeared, causing SCP-4378 to fall, in the stainless steel mixing bowl, of which SCP-4378 is now contained. It is unknown why SCP-4378-A did not disappear when the box containing SCP-4378 was disturbed, but it is speculated that SCP-4378's anomalous properties did not manifest until it was removed from its container. Note from Project Lead Dr. Lark. Pending further review, I'd also like to add the observation that gravity did not seem to cause SCP-4378 to manifest its anomalous properties. SCP-4378-A dropped SCP-4378 into the bowl. Nothing happened. This is reason to believe that SCP-4378 only reacts when disturbed by a force outside of astronomical constants, possibly only a sentient outside force, but that would have incredible implications considering the recent incident. But that is something I am going to consider another time. For approximately a week following SCP-4378-A's disappearance, various noodles found throughout the White House were discovered arranged in messages. The recorded instances of this are as follows. A single piece of spaghetti found at the bottom of President Donald Trump's bowl arranged in cursive writing spelling out Hello. The President noticed this as a coincidence and pointed out to his wife, to which they both remarked at the chances of that happening. A bowl of alphabet soup given to President Trump's son. The son pointed out to his father that the soup seemed to be randomly rearranging into various words including nothing, Mike, a nickname for SCP-4378-1, ergo sum, and life. And finally, a bowl of leftover linguine found on top of the mini-fridge of the Chief of Staff's office in the West Wing. The linguine was left out for approximately two days allowing it to dry. All linguine was found arranged into the word thirst. It is speculated that this happened while the linguine was still cooked and then it dried out. Further testing has yielded a better understanding of SCP-4378's anomalous properties as well as attempting to discover a way to retrieve subjects back from SCP-4378-A. All attempts have been unsuccessful. SCP-4378 interview protocol. While all precautions as stated, failure or follow may result in unintended termination of the interviewer. One, interviewer is to be safeguarded from the X-Class Cognito Hazard. Two, interviewer is to bring 400 grams of recently, within the last 30 minutes of the interview, pre-prepared spaghetti noodles. Three, interviewer is to stand as still as possible while near SCP-4378. Remember, we are still unaware of how much movement will cause SCP-4378 to activate. Four, as per the preparation protocol, use of a beta blocker is highly advised, but only required if your supervisor deems it necessary. Five, clothing consisting entirely of non-abrasive and minimally frictional materials will be provided. No other articles of clothing are allowed. Six, do not touch the bowl containing SCP-4378 under any circumstances. Interview instructions. One, a sheet of questions will be given to you by your supervisor prior to the interview, following the application of the X-Class Cognito Hazard safeguard. These questions are to be memorized. Two, approach SCP-4378 without lifting your feet. The provided shoes will allow you to shuffle across the floor, take caution not to fall due to slipping. Three, on counter top, near bowl containing SCP-4378 arrange the cooked noodles as instructed in the interview questions. Cursive lettering is appropriate. Four, leave noodles in place for as much time as needed for a response. This has been anywhere from instantaneous to three hours. Movement during this period is be kept to an absolute minimum. Five, memorize any responses. Six, repeat until all questions have been answered. Seven, collect all noodles used and cleverly exit the vicinity of SCP-4378. Eight, note all answers in the provided interview log. Researchers note, please revise. Memorization of answers appears unnecessary when we have access to advanced recording devices. Suggestion, implant an ocular visual image recorder. Interviewed, SCP-4378-1 interviewer Dr. Mary Waldorf, former project lead. Note from Dr. Gary Lark. Record of interview compiled from Dr. Mary Waldorf's journal as well as on-site audio recording. Interview conducted only two months after the disappearance of Mike Pompeo. Proper interview precautions not well established as SCP-4378 was at this time classified as safe. Anomalous properties of SCP-4378 appear to be less effective at the time of this interview as Dr. Waldorf is able to use pen and paper to conduct the interview. This interview was conducted via cooked noodles and will be translated to traditional interview form for ease of consumption. Begin log. Dr. Waldorf approaches SCP-4378-A with a small bowl of cooked spaghetti noodles. Dr. Waldorf places the noodles near SCP-4378-A and the interview begins. Dr. Waldorf, hello. Approximately one minute passes before spaghetti rearranges. SCP-4378-1, speak who? Dr. Waldorf, doctor, you okay? SCP-4378-1, who you? Dr. Waldorf, I doctor, who you? SCP-4378-1, I ask, not no. Dr. Waldorf writes in her notebook at this time and she does so. She mentions out loud that she feels strange but the interview continues. Dr. Waldorf, are you Secretary Pompeo? Long pause of three minutes before response. SCP-4378-1, yes, yes, yes. Dr. Waldorf, where are you? SCP-4378-1, here. The noodles quickly rearrange. SCP-4378-1, thirst, water. The noodles quickly rearrange once again. SCP-4378-1, you water? Bring. Dr. Waldorf takes notes followed by a short half. All sound and recording ceases as Dr. Waldorf presumably disappears. Researchers on site found Dr. Waldorf's journal near SCP-4378, with a single noodle arranged to spell, thank. Interviewed, presumed SCP-4378-5, a former junior researcher named Malcolm Steward lost following an incident during prior interview procedure. Interviewer, Dr. Gary Lark, the new project lead. Note from current project lead. Interview occurred one year and four months after SCP-4378-5's disappearance. Attempts to communicate were previously unsuccessful. Two more subjects were lost between SCP-4378-5's disappearance in the following interview. Begin log. Dr. Lark enters newly constructed containment area surrounding SCP-4378, following all precautions laid out by SCP-4378 interview and containment protocols. The day prior to this interview, Dr. Lark left spaghetti noodles near SCP-4378, spelling hello. Upon arrival, spaghetti noodles rearrange themselves within Dr. Lark's presence. SCP-4378-5, thirsty. Dr. Lark, who is this? SCP-4378-5, comb stew. The noodles quickly rearrange. SCP-4378-5, she say hi. Dr. Lark, who's she? SCP-4378-5, she touch owl. The noodles quickly rearrange. SCP-4378-5, she say play for you. The noodles quickly rearrange. SCP-4378-5, she say plan for you. Dr. Lark, plan for me? SCP-4378-5, touch thirst. Dr. Lark, do not touch. SCP-4378-5, not care. The noodles quickly rearrange. SCP-4378-5, we know you water. The noodles quickly rearrange. SCP-4378-5, you come now. The noodles quickly rearrange. SCP-4378-5, just need feel. Dr. Lark looks visibly frustrated and promptly exits the interview room. No further interviews are performed prior to incident R-4378-M2. Warning, the following files are level 3, 4378 classified. Any attempts to access these files without appropriate authorization will be logged and will lead to immediate disciplinary action. Incident report R-4378-M2, compiled by Captain Meiserdorf of Mobile Task Force Aida-7 at the request of Dr. Gary Lark. Note from Compiler. Incident R-4378-M2 has proven incredibly difficult to document considering the nature of the event. Use of the Lifeman Protocol has made interviewing any person present during the incident impossible. Most documents compiled in this report have been totally expunged from the public record and are likely now only present in this report. Memo from the President's Secretary. Memorandum for the President. Preparations for the earthquake. In regards to the earthquake advisory put forth by the U.S. Geological Survey, evacuation of all government buildings has been ordered and should be completed within the hour. Secret Service officials should be accompanying you to Safe House 5 at 1138-M. The Vice President will join you along with your families. The U.S. Geological Survey estimates the earthquake and any aftershocks should cease after 3.30 p.m., after which you will be escorted back to the White House. However, the White House has been damaged. We will observe the Hoover Standard until the all-clear is given. It is not expected that this will be a catastrophic earthquake and will likely only require the minimum of precautions. Regardless, I have been told by Agent York that the Secret Service is prepared for all possibilities. Transcript of News Channel 8 Broadcast. Host Morris Jones. Footage of a police officer sprinting with an automatic weapon. Voice of an unidentified civilian man. It all happened incredibly quickly. After the quake, you know, I really don't know, man. Footage of police cars surrounding the White House. Fear grips Capitol Hill following today's earthquake, registered as a 5.9 confusion and concern tonight on News Channel 8. News Channel 8 Broadcast opening plays. Good evening, everyone. I'm Morris Jones. In the wake of today's 5.9 scale earthquake, the President and the entire cabinet has gone missing without explanation. Multiple reports from eyewitnesses have indicated that the White House collapsed at one point. But Secret Service members have contradicted this claim. Current reports also indicate that the White House still stands. Footage of eyewitness interview. Woman holding small child standing in front of White House frantically gesturing at the building as she speaks. Woman, I feel like I'm insane. The whole thing was gone for like at least 10 minutes and I'm here visiting with my family. We all saw it. It's just no way. So you're saying the White House had collapsed at one point. Woman, sure? Maybe I never actually saw it collapse, but it wasn't there anymore. I'm goddamn sure of that. Cut to interview of Secret Service official. Secret Service official wearing sunglasses standing in lawn of the White House. Yeah, nothing of the sort occurred. As you can see, the White House still stands. The President, his cabinet are all currently interned in safe locations and will be giving a full statement within the hour. Cut back to studio. Despite claims by officials, it has been just over an hour since that interview and no statement has been put out by the President. Concern of the President's safety has escalated as no word from any member of the cabinet has come from the White House. We'll have more on this as the story develops. Memo from Dr. Lark to Mobile Task Force 8-7. Miserdorf, we have a class J incident on our hand. Round up the team and head to Washington DC immediately. You are to locate the safe house connected to the White House. I've been told it's found through a hidden door in the White House kitchen. And be careful of any aftershocks. A 19-0 EI bot has already been sent to the object and should negate any risks, but still be careful. We don't know the full capacity of 4378s effects. It's possible that an event could still occur even while it's stabilized by the bot. So if the President is located, bring him to the staging location and perform the Lifemen protocol. If he is not located, return to the staging location for further instructions. Signed, Dr. Lark, SCP-4378 Project Lead. Internal Secret Service Bulletin. Code Flying Terms. Repeat, Code Flying Terms. Action required for all agents. Follow protocol. Assume negative intent of all trespassers. Communication log of Task Force 8-7. Compiler note, when recovery of a person's primary, I often send a small elite team in first to locate the target before sending in the whole team for the exfiltration. It is my understanding that this log is from the smaller team, just two agents. A damaged section of the audio was recovered from the communication headquarters database. Only TFE-7 Larper and Command's audio is intact. Begin log. Command. Copies over. TFE-7 Larper. Larper. Shipper. Over. Pause as TFE-7 Shipper presumably speaks. TFE-7 Larper. Copy Shipper. Command. Approaching target. Over. 38 seconds of static. TFE-7 Larper. No. Shipper, the object is a noodle. Yes. It's a goddamn noodle. No, I'm not fucking with you. Did you not read the prep sheet? Command. Larper. Can you repeat? Over. TFE-7 Larper. Roger. Command. It's nothing. Shipper read precautions on prep sheet but not description of object. Over. Pause as TFE-7 Shipper presumably speaks. TFE-7 Larper. What do you mean the precautions is all that matters? How are you gonna know what the damn thing looks like if you don't read the description? Command. Shipper. Return to base. That's not acceptable. Larper. Continue extraction attempt. No risk of immediate danger known but keep eyes open. Over. Pause as TFE-7 Shipper presumably speaks. TFE-7 Larper. Copy. Command. Static. For 2 minutes and 12 seconds. Command. Break. Break. Break. Larper. How do you read? TFE-7 Larper. Copy. 3 out of 5. Breach the interior of the kitchen. No danger as of yet. Over. Command. Copy. Larper. Confirm location of terms. Alpha Sierra. Alpha Papa. Over. Static. Command. 10-9 Larper. 10-9 Over. TFE-7 Larper. I repeat. Terms is not here. Command. And rumbling noise and static. TFE-7 Larper. Command. Aftershock. Orders. Over. Command. Copy Larper. Leave immediately. Confirm no visual on terms and leave immediately. Over. TFE-7 Larper. Copy. Command. No visual on terms. Rumbling becomes louder followed by sudden static and silence. Command. Larper. Say again. Say again Larper. Larper. This is command. Please say again. Shit. Someone get hold of Shipper. Audio continues to broadcast from TFE-7 Larper. A copy of which follows. Interviewed. Presumably SCP-4378-7. Former First Lady of the United States. Interviewer. Dr. Gary Lark. Project Lead. Note from current Project Lead. Interview occurred seven months following incident R-4378-M2. Interview was unintended as letters in a bowl of alphabet soup within the executive residence were observed being rapidly rearranged. Dr. Gary Lark is called to the scene and the United States President's son is administered a class B amnestic. Begin long. Dr. Lark enters executive residence, dining room, and approaches bowl containing alphabet soup. Standard SCP-4378 interview protocols followed. The letters are rapidly moving making it difficult to make out in a communication. Dr. Lark places a spaghetti noodle near the bowl spelling hello. Alphabet soup ceases rapid movement and rearranges once again. SCP-4378-7. Spreading needs to stop. Dr. Lark. Who is? SCP-4378-7. Wife. One Lady. The following messages come in rapid succession with little time for Dr. Lark to commit to memory. SCP-4378-7. Write hard to no husband forget who he is. I remember. But not long she know and come. Touch all. She will. No you SCP found you. Can stop. Give water. Thirst. Dr. Lark. Who he? SCP-4378-7. Noodle. Touch all. Not touch water. Need water. Give water to us. Stop him. Dr. Lark. Us? Pause of five minutes before another rapid succession of messages. SCP-4378-7. Give water. So thirsty. We spread. Become armed. Take water. Come for you of water. Nothing Lark. Ergo some. In life. Dr. Lark ceases interview here. Further testing in regards to the spreading influence of SCP-4378 is needed. In Lark.