 Welcome friends. We'll get started in just a moment. Welcome. Hello. Welcome friends. We'll get started in just a moment. I am going to put in the chat box the link for tonight's talk. And so this contains links to library resources as well as links to our presenters and books. And as the presentation goes on, I'll try to keep notes so it's a live document that you can refer to. And if you would like to let us know where you're coming from today, you can use this great map called Native Land and it'll let you know what land you're occupying. And we're going to get started with library news and updates. And of course we're here tonight to talk about finding home. And this is part of our big one city one book campaign, which is all about young migrant from China coming to the beautiful San Francisco thinking he's going to be a poet and that that poetry is going to make him rich and famous and all of that and what he discovers and how he finds home in San Francisco. And can we all just collectively we're all at different places I know this which is fantastic and what I really love about zoom. But for those of us here in San Francisco and beyond let's just collectively acknowledge that we are on the unceded ancestral homeland of the Ramya Chisholony peoples for the original inhabitants of the San Francisco peninsula. And let's collectively recognize that we benefit from living and working on this traditional on their traditional homeland is uninvited guests we from their sovereign rights as first peoples and wish to pay our respects to the ancestors, relatives, and all the people that are still here in Ramya Chish community. And we want to commit to being the best caretakers of this land and of the spaces that we occupy while we are here. And with that, I have not just alone, I never do anything alone, develop the humongous reading list in case you ever want to delve into indigenous anything, everything, you can find it in there. And what else don't want to tell you. So along with this being the one city one book, Catherine Ma, the author of one city one books Chinese group will be at China or take a branch June 1 and June 8 at our Chinatown branch. We also have coming up in our in person events and our beautiful correct auditorium 50 years of social justice photography work from Corky Lee, and we'll have an amazing panel. This is the one I'm super looking forward to this is partnering with the Chinese Cultural Center of San Francisco in the heart of Chinatown will be celebrating the work of queer author Curtis Chen in his book, Everything I Learned in I Learned in a Chinese restaurant. And what's going to be exciting about this is we're going to be giving the library is giving away Curtis's books so calm you'll get his book. We're also curate an amazing book list of queer a and hpi books that we're also going to be giving away free books. It's amazing for your home library that you don't have to return to us. So come check this out. You do have to register for this event so make sure you register and the link is in that document that I shared with you. And finally, also in our correct auditorium, we have a film called home is a hotel. Also about what it's like to find home, particularly here in San Francisco or if you're here you know what it's about trying to find a house and that you can actually pay for. And this follows six very distinct unique individuals and their family as they transition from living in an SRO or single room occupancy or hotel into actual stable housing. Powerful film and we'll have a panel of folks who are featured in the movie. So please come check out everything we have to offer around one city one book. And then right after that, you know, we go deep into summer stride which we have all sorts of amazing stuff. So I do hope you will come and check that out. So tonight we have a wonderful panel and I can't wait to have them all join you but I want to introduce you first to Bianca, who is the one who has made this all happen for us. Dr. Bianca Laurino is an award winning educator curriculum writer and sexologist, the founder of women of color sexual health network. The Latin Negrex project with advanced degrees in sexual ality women's studies and a passion for justice currently leading anti up a virtual freedom school for justice workers. And as the editor of the people's book of human sexuality, which is on order for our library it's coming, and we also might have free copies of that as soon as they get here. So, keep in touch with me and I'll put my, my info in the chat, and I'm going to stop sharing and turn it over to our amazing panelists. Great. Thanks so much, Anissa for the introduction. Welcome everyone we're excited that you're here with us today. I'm Bianca, and I'll be our moderator but also this is a conversation. These are all my homies, we have, you know, shape shifting relationships. And so instead of reading you their bios, I'm just going to tell you a little bit about our connection and a little bit about our origin stories for each other. So, we have first one, Juan Fernandez, who is born and raised in California, and we met when one became the partner of one of my former roommates. And I know one's partner, it's not been 21 years. So we go that we've been homies for 21 years. And Juan and Rigo met like right when Rigo got back to this hometown. And we were like Rigo just walked off a plane and stumbled into Juan and they've been together ever since. So, Juan and I have been connected through that relationship and we hung out a lot when they were living in New York City. And I was in the Bronx and they were up in Morningside Heights. And when we both moved to the Bay we just talked trash about feeling the missing parts of the East Coast. So that is Juan, I'm excited to be less than two hours apart from him. And now that we're both kind of an essential part of California now. We also have BK Chan, who is joining us from Toronto. And I met BK first through like their work. So it's one of those like fangirl moments where like, oh, this person's doing really amazing work about emotional and relational literacy. And when I was looking for more contributors to participate in the book, I was like, how do I get connected? Should I just send a cold email and we had a friend in common, Corey Silverberg. And Corey was like, I'm gonna reach out to them and just like, you know, make the intro. And so we've been connected ever since, but connected virtually in other ways prior to that. So I'm excited for this growing buddy relationship with BK. And then we have Serena, Pay and Hazelwood. And Serena is joining us from Mexico. And Serena and I also have a long legacy in history together. I met them when they started undergraduate school as a returning student. They were pursuing sex education training. I was one of their professors that we met open the door to the room where I was going to be teaching. And I saw a bunch of people doing yoga, and I literally said, what the fuck is this shit? And I slammed the door and I was so mad. And then I was told, those are your students. They do yoga before the school, before the class starts. And I was like, I just cursed at them and slam the door. So we started off with a hard start and I apologize. And I use that experience as one of my examples of like intentional apologies and how transformative they can be because Serena and I have been homies ever since. I feel like that was like in the mid-2010s or something, late-2010s. 16, yeah. So almost 10 years. And now she's in a PhD program. And I'm excited to be supporting her in all the ways. So we have a really North American crew today representing all North America, Canada, the US and Mexico. So we're excited to talk today about finding home. And I've invited the panelists to invite each other to have a conversation, too. So if any questions come up for y'all, we invite you to pop them in the chat. We will definitely get to them. We also plan to have a short question and answer period. So know that your questions will also be welcomed in and we won't miss it. Anissa is going to be collecting them on their end. And yeah, so let's get started y'all. I really want to start with this reality that we're using this term of like finding home. And I think for a lot of us, home is complicated. And sometimes when we talk about home, it's usually connected to like a space or a place. And maybe even as a goal or destination for some people as well, some of them are pursuing. And for me personally, I have a really complicated relationship with home. And as I shared in the chat, I have a lot of feelings and experiences of displacement being displaced from my homeland, a budding king also known as Puerto Rico due to US colonization and corruption. And so just to get us started, and I'm going to put this question in the hosted panelists chat just so you'll have it to look at. How are each of you defining or discovering home today? I'm going to invite Juan to get us started. And then we'll go with BK and then Serena. So yeah, Juan, if you want to get us started, welcome in. Hi. Well, first of all, thank you for inviting me, Bianca. I adore you. And I, I felt really honored to be invited to be a part of the project, the book project itself. You know, I, it's interesting, I was kind of skimming through it this afternoon and going, you know, like revisiting chapters and stuff and throughout the week I've been looking at it and like, in your intro you talked about the complicated messiness of being human during a time of chaos and oppression. And that's where we were when we were, you know, working on the book, right? Or where you were compiling it, really, and editing. And so, you know, when we had our conversation, and you can hear it, you can see it in the transcription itself, you know, I was, you know, in the midst of like another shift in my home, you know, because we had gone from you know, our daily life to moving on to a campus, to a university campus, I won't say the name of the university, but it's a highfalutin place. And, you know, we were just kind of faced with a lot of different levels of discrimination because we were queer living on the campus, you know, brown living on the campus that's predominantly, if not mostly just white and affluent and these are not the spaces that we were, my partner and I were raised in. And so, you know, the messiness of those feelings of not only longing for some other kind of home, and trying to make sense of that, that place that we were at in that moment. You know, it was a little discombobulating and I feel like even just our conversation for this project at that time was really refreshing because I wasn't really like thinking about these things, you know, at that point. And, you know, and just to go back to your question, you know, I feel like today, you know, I don't feel, well, first of all, I've stepped away from education and I've stepped away from my academic work. And so I don't feel those pressures, and I'm not living that, that like performative life, right, where, you know, and I can kind of see now I can look back and be like, oh my God, that was who was that person, right, like, and, you know, talking in these big words and trying to like formulate these like long sentences and, you know, you know, I mean, that's very basic, but you know what I mean, like, it just, so coming back to LA now where I grew up, you know, I just feel ease. And, you know, I felt, you know, when we met in New York, when we, you know, being in the Bay Area, like I felt unrooted because because of that academic, you know, those academic lifestyle hurdle graduate students, you know, kind of pick up and go, you know, patterns that we fall into, you know, it was I was I'm just tired and I wanted to root down and I feel like I'm back in a place where I already have roots. And I don't feel like it's much of a stranger. What was nice about having those experiences in New York and San Francisco was I did get to express versions of myself that I maybe would not have allowed myself to experience, you know, here, right. And then coming back, you know, to LA it was interesting because, you know, I almost felt like this pressure to go back to being who I was before I moved to make everyone around me comfortable and that was like a personal displacement right it was just kind of like it was very challenging and it is it still is I'm still I'm still kind of like wasting those waters but but yeah. I love it and we're going to talk a little bit more about that experience coming back home home and what the experience has been over the years and being away from home for such a long time. Thank you. Okay, I'm going to welcome you in and invite you to share a little bit of how you are defining or discovering home. Thank you. Thank you everyone. Thank you. Also, I want to echo what Juan said. It's been such an honor to be included. I grew up not thinking of home as being a super sweet kind of thing. I was, I would get stressed every day around 7pm when the news would come on. I grew up in Hong Kong as in many places when the news comes on it has a certain kind of kind of like series of beeps and it actually is such a trigger when I hear those kinds of beeps like I get sweaty. And it's because my parents are coming home and it was like time to get serious and get get be good. For me, finding home these days really has to do with coming home to my kids. You know, I didn't plan on having kids, but now my whole life revolves around my two kids. It's been a bit of a surprise that I put so much of my time and resources now into something that I was never somebody who thought when I get older I have to have kids and make a family and make home. It's so important to me like home has always been rather transient and I never got very attached to any place or any people. It was sort of a survival tactic and now I'm finding the first time in my life to be really excited when I go home to my kids and my partner. So that's where I'm at today. I hope to be able to continue saying that in years to come. Yeah, home is exciting for the first time. Awesome. I love to hear it. And yeah, I too, I'm still one of those people who's childhood by choice. I know Juan is as well. And yeah, it's interesting how like things shift in a moment's time and you're like, oh, this is the life that I want. The life that I thought I wanted in a particular way. Thanks, BK. Serena, I'm going to welcome you in and invite you to share how you're discovering the finding home. Hi. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all for being here. Thank you for sharing the space for my first panel and it is an honor. So thank you. As much as I wanted to say home is my body. That was a lie to myself. I was like, I want to say it's my body, but it's not today. It's not. I was like, oh, with my body feeling into my body, what who is home, right? Because I've been since COVID as well, I've been in many places of many places, displaced, not know where I was going to live. And the answer is that my relations, all of the people who I have been building relations with, whether it's them coming to see me here in my home or me going to see them, are we setting up time to be on zoom. All of my relations, which by the way, I filtered. I don't know if anyone else has been filtering since, you know, our new like post COVID life of who do we want in our life? Who do we want to spend time with? It's a very close circle. And so when I think about all of my loves, all my relations, whether that be my romantic love with my wife or, you know, being motherly, daughterly love with my 29 year old daughter, my sister, my, you know, my friends who all we all have some sort of unique sharing. That is home, like that's when I'm feeling instantly connected and like plugged in. And also with like my non human, you know, friends or relations, my animals, and the bees that we just put out back and the hummingbirds, and my calendula that I dream about. And she talks to me. So my relations are home. I love hearing that. Yeah. And it's so, you know, one of the things that I find myself saying all the time I teach a class on intersectionality, I think it's an important theory and framework and practice for us to really understand the gift that black feminism has given us. But a lot of people have used it as a buzzword and one of the things that when people ask me how can I do this better how can I be an intersectional whatever. It was like you have to take the time to build the relationships, like you cannot rush building relationships it doesn't happen overnight. I hate that answer, but it's so true like intersectionality is a relational theory and practice and approach, and you cannot rush it and that means you have to take the time to build it. So, so yeah, I love hearing about all the ways you're taking that time and allowing yourself the space and the grace to really celebrate what's happening in our lives today. Are there any questions that you have for each other based on what you just shared before I get into some other questions. It's totally fine if not, I just want to check in. But if I wanted to get started with you. I'm going to put this question just in the chat for those of you who might need it. It's just the chat for panelists but like I shared like we met in person in New York City so we had known of each other from your time in California and we started your relationship with Rigo and you know we talked a lot about missing things about New York City. When we were both in the Bay and kind of just hating on the Bay in general. And I'm wondering now that you're in more of the LA area where you grew up and spent a lot of time in your adolescence. What have you noticed about your home, your home land your home city your home area shifting or changing since you've come back over the past decade or so. And also like what impact has the gentrification had on your family on your community on the historical memory. I'll give a little bit of background for that question. This chapter is a conversation between the two of us. I thought was very clever to use our initials and call the chapter BJ, Bianca and Juan and conversation. So it ends the book. And we talk about all sorts of things from popular culture to archival work to how do we archive our narrative and our experiences through art. And Juan specialization has been in the queer art making scene. That's focusing on communities of color, especially Spanish speaking Latino communities. So there's a lot of that in our chapter together. But yes, I, you know, invite you to share a little bit what have you noticed what's changed what's different. What's been helpful and coming back home to LA area. Yeah. That's a good question. Well, the city itself like LA, like a lot of big cities, but I think here I just noticed it. It's just bigger is the, it basically feels like a social media backdrop like you know, specific parts of town that are kind of thorough there's for industry type, you know, it's just like lined up with these like really flashy coffee shops restaurants and every space or business has its own, you know, social media wall, right. I just think that's so interesting living in a city that is like known for theatrics and and and film to just kind of integrate the people in this weird performance of Hollywood. I feel like that is really jarring when if you've never been here before. And I would say that in terms of like gentrification that that definitely has spilled into places that were historically queer. There's actually like POC and queer by, you know, black indigenous, you know, people color queer parts of town are now, you know, hipster hubs, right. And so like Silver Lake which was historically like a Chicamax Latinx queer neighborhood is now like the epicenter for anyone who's moving here from the Midwest. That has, you know, a thing for, yeah, I'll stop there. And so, so there is that part. And personally, you know, we moved into when we came back to Los Angeles, my partner and I, we go back to the uncle mentioned. We moved back to the neighborhood that he grew up in, which is more central and south in LA West LA mid city. And, you know, I've been visiting here with him since, you know, we met over 10 years ago and, you know, just watching this part of town transform and and how they're trying to change the identity of the town of this part of the neighborhood to like better fit businesses and, you know, social media and, you know, et cetera, et cetera, right. So, it's just interesting to watch. I will say that I appreciate how we do notice because we're nosy and we do notice how local community members people who are not leaving. Because they own and, you know, this neighborhood is historically black and Latin X and so it's like the people who aren't leaving are going into these like restaurants are going into these coffee shops, you know, like Rigo's mom who is, you know, an older Mexican immigrant woman, you know, going to Tartine. You know, it's just something I never thought I'd seen. But, but that's kind of what's happening in this part of town, which is just like this other, I don't know. We'll figure that out later. But, you know, yeah. And again, you know, thinking about places that were historically queer and just driving down like let's say Santa Monica Boulevard. The first club I ever went to Calderina that is like for alley locals like that place is like that grew up in the 90s like that place is huge. It's a part of a lot of people's stories and the space no longer exists to the buildings no longer exist and it's now the LGBT center but it's like a really huge flashy LGBT center like I it's like LGBT center on steroids. And it's just conflicting. Because, you know, it's just you just feel that little tear right. But you know, we have to grow and move on. And so I'll process that on my own. But yeah, that's, that's up there. Yeah, you know, I hear you talking a lot about like claiming space right and and how people are claiming space in different ways so whether it be like the camera on the phone or like the like we goes mama you know going into these really wild new spaces and be like I belong here and I belong wherever I want to be is really like a radical revolutionary loving approach for self and for community that I think we don't always acknowledge or honor and the ways that people are really showing up in those spaces. And I think, you know, this question around gentrification really stem from I think, you know, part of my challenge of living in the bay. When we first came to Oakland was that I literally we were watching it gentrify as we were here, you know, and my partner was raised in the bay and, you know, I feel like I was invited to the bay by someone who's from the bay I didn't go there to be like hey let me try to live in California. Um, it was very much like an invitation and but I was witnessing all the shifting happening and just felt so I don't know. I don't see dehumanizing but just felt so complicated and contentious and I was like where am I positioned in all of this manifesting and happening and what's my role. And also just witnessing some really queer spaces emerge and then go away. So like you were saying like, watching all the dyke bars watching, you know, the kink bars close, right and that just being a devastating part of like my identity because I'm like where do we go, where do we really where our spaces. So yeah anybody else would come chime in on this question on gentrification home how to be showing up for y'all. And if not it's totally fine I'll move to another question. Can I just jump in really quick on that. I'm sorry because you mentioned Oakland and being there, like while it was in that shift right and you know and we like it was like I felt like I didn't belong there. It was it was a really weird feeling to experience like huge and it's like little neighborhood and like all of the sudden you get wiped out and it's just like shining new restaurant and it's like, you know, it's like well no I liked the restaurant that was there before. And, you know, yeah, and just kind of feeling like both like a guest and like communities that were organizing, or having these conversations, also feeling like an outsider there right like, you know, my input, you know, probably, you know, didn't need to be there anyway but it felt very exclusionary, right, because people were scared people people were getting pushed out and people are trying to figure things out and, you know, who's this person who just got here from L. This person who just got here from LA that it's from, you know, that just got here from New York that's from LA trying to, you know, say anything and so it was, you know, it took, it took its own, you know, toll for sure. But anyway, I just wanted to share that. Yeah, thanks. Be care, Serena, you want to come in on any of these pieces and if not, it's totally fine. I'll speak to that just, which is really kind of vulnerable but it resonates with what Juan you said of holding multiple truths. And so, coming from being born in Phoenix, Arizona, in Maryvale, and living in Phoenix in the heart of Phoenix and seeing gentrification really happening and it like making me angry, right, and then having moving here with my wife. My wife is a dual citizen, she's also a Mexican citizen, and she's been building our home here for the past 22 years, and we decided to move here a year ago. And so having to go through the process of self reflection and dealing like having to face my positionality and in my gentrifying, you know, yes, right, so all the things that are happening and just continually being in that place of self reflection. And I call it like the liminal, the liminal of so many ways and having to be really like check myself often, right, because my positionality here is different than my positionality in Phoenix. So that just really resonated with holding multiple truths at the same time. Yeah, that pluralism, being like the way forward, acknowledging both became. I totally resonate with that and I also have just been making decisions to like speak less because I'm scared of triggering a coughing fit, which just started moments before our panel. Yeah, I think about all the time as a settler. I moved to Toronto, to Canada when I was 10. And I just always wonder if that itself, you know, I'm part of this rush of, you know, immigration that was allowed in because we were valuable as workers. And my family, interestingly, was not eligible to emigrate because it was required that you would have a large sum of money in the bank and were able to like invest in Canada when you come. And then in the late 80s, they had a sudden urgent need of secretaries. And there was a huge shortage. And so they changed the system in Canada to a point system where secretaries got the highest number of points even over other contributing members of society. And so suddenly my mom was the most eligible to migrate. But being able to migrate at all, right, put us, you know, we were in a class that was was above working class, working class folks from Hong Kong, my peers were not, you know, leaving by the dozens like folks in our echelon were. And that's just from having a secretary mom, right. So I just question it all the time and wherever I settle, I am just by way of being like a working person who, you know, earns money with like food on the table, not too much worry. And so I spend in a certain way I'm part of the economy in a certain way, and things cater to me and my family in a certain way, all of it. And one of the weird things I think about is like density, you know, and how much poop we make my family alone, you know, and how that. I don't really know how to continue that thought just I just think a lot about how much poop my family makes because my kids are at that age where they're making a lot of poop. Absolutely. I mean, yeah, it's one of those things like waste that we never really think about because oh it's organic waste goes back into the whatever and it's like we don't really follow up. And I'm like what's the whatever though. Yeah. And like just down the street from us is like a development of nine condo buildings that used to be a one story like flat Plaza. And now it's going to be nine condo buildings, each of which has like 1000 units and just the amount of poo. That's going to be in that that intersection like I just don't know how our infrastructure supports that. And that's a huge part of the gentrification of the neighborhood down the street which is like a hot hot corner. Yeah, I'm interested to know exactly how we'll take care of the poo. Yeah. Yeah. And also, you know, knowing that so much is transmitted through fecal matter that like cove it can be transmitted. That's literally how we know the rates of cove it is through, you know, the sanitary waters and the waste. Yeah, yeah, I'm also wondering. Today's chapter for people who haven't read the book yet is a reflection on their experiences as an immigrant coming to Canada, but also around family relationships gender language queerness coming out in many ways finding an ally and intergenerational family members. You know, you end your chapter with a saying from your grandmother, who you lovingly call popo in the chapter. And she had always asked you like oh are the neighbors giving you any problems when they find out that you're queer because they you know you had to come out again and again as they aged. And so I'm wondering as we are, you know, representing all of North America here in many ways. You know, if you want to share anything about how the United States as a neighbor to Canada. Are we giving out any trouble up in Canada, like are we being good neighbors. And I think specifically to immigrant here, people of the global majority but also if you want to just focus on like Asian communities, people from Hong Kong whatever those good are there any connections there. Yeah, it's a it's a great question. And I have only, you know, narrow snapshot of what I know the world to be. But I would say you're both a terrible neighbor, terrible influences, and also so often a refuge, which neither of which surprises me. The queer communities that I'm connected to in the States, the queer Asian communities are so rich, just, you know, the sheer power of numbers and, you know, the history that the link the number of years that people have been living on the land changes the relationship right to to the land and to each other. And so some so often I feel as a Canadian that you are like older siblings. And we're just trying to do what you have already done. We're trying to throw the parties you've already thrown and put the projects together that you already do. So that that's always been the case and then of course more recently with the continually changing climate and the, you know, outright dangerous climate for queer and trans people in the States. It's really affected I was at first seeing that happen in the States and thinking wow, you all over there are in trouble and being quite shocked at American politics, but we're seeing it reflected here. Again, a few steps behind maybe a few months behind maybe a few years behind. But similarly, we're having the huge parental rights movements here. In fact, every day I when I drop off my children at their daycare and or their schools. There is a chance I will run into protesters outside who are parents who are, you know, who whose presence I take so personally like and I've yet to not be in a hurry, so that I can just pull over and talk to them and say, This is what it feels like that you're outside the school that both our kids go to, you know, you're, but let me introduce myself to you. This is my family. This is who I am like this is what you're talking about. You're not talking about a philosophical, you know, lesson plan about sex ed that involves sexuality and sexual identity. Like, I just want to know like our kids might be friends and how will how are we going to get on. So I have, I have those moments where I think things are getting bad and it's really scary. And then other times I pull back and think this actually has always happened throughout history that that, you know, we, we make progress. And the sign of progress so often is the rollback is the resistance is the backlash. And as long as the progress is made in some kind of spiral movement, maybe we are moving up. Maybe we're moving towards but of course, so a part of me thinks yeah of course this is happening. And it's not all just Americans fault. This is how humans work. Yeah, yeah I definitely felt that from a lot of my friends. And Canada who were like was happening with that dog decision around abortion. That means it's going to get here in some period of time and all the anti trans legislation and just all all the ways that it's more about social control, then quality of life and my community of friends like is going to trickle down over here or trickle up here. And that's scary and how to prepare for it. Any other things that either Serena or Juan you want to bring in around this question about being a crappy neighbor to Canada or Serena you know now that you're your neighbor to the to the US now or you know what you're noticing and totally fine if you want to bring in I was thinking about like this, you know the systems of colonialism right that affect all of us right and I'm excited I cannot vote yet here in Mexico I'm working on getting my citizenship, but there's a lot of energy happening and a lot of progress happening here in Mexico right abortion was just legalized, not that long ago so there's progress gay marriage legalizing cannabis is on the horizon, and also just really you know the political powers are, you know, very much inspiring with within with with with centering in the indigenous peoples. And, you know, we are going to have we in Mexico are going to have for the first time a woman president a female president, no matter what party. Okay, so that's really I'm excited about that. And I kind of just like I have this, because my people are from Chihuahua. So, and I'm in Baja. But, you know, I, my ancestors were in in New Mexico from from many generations. So it's just kind of like this sense of pride and finding my place in this like, you know, knowing like when someone talks about states and like embarrassed and I'm like, my country, which is not good enough to play off that I'm Mexican at all. But I'm just excited about like, you know, the potential of the money in a party, having, you know, environmental scientists, you know, to kind of to address. You know, our environment and what's what's happening. So that's what I have to say about that. I'm excited to be in this place where there is revolution. Absolutely. Yeah, there's always something new being created and what we consider the quote unquote global South, which is wild because Mexico is North America, but can be usually like chalk it up to oh those poor countries over there and it's like, I love what the current president said a few weeks ago where it's like, we're our own independent sovereign nation. We do not report to any of y'all. So, I really appreciate those kinds of statements about self determination and sovereignty are important in this moment to be bringing in. Yeah. Which is a great segue Serena into a question I have for you. So for people who haven't read Serena chapter Serena chapter is around her connection to her body mind spirit soul through her yoga practice and how that also brought her closer to land back movements and reclamation of the land as an indigenous Chicana. And so the question that I have for you Serena is, you know, with so much grief happening in the world because of so many things colonialism war genocides and witnessing climate chaos. And that being a reminder of like how our home physically on the planet is very tender and fragile and how our interdependence with plants and nature and animals needs healing and attention. I'm wondering how have you mobilized your grief to stay connected in your body mind soul and to heal your relationships with home with land. And that question may be super happy. I felt that in my body like, um, as I had said, you know, earlier, you know, I wanted to say my body is my home, but that's a continual moment by moment practice of always coming back to my body. So the way that I also deal with my daily grief right sometimes it's like it's like the waves right of grief they be the global grief, the and then as you get closer like just the different levels of grief that are around around you. And I'll again come back to having relationships with my plants and the land around me. I will say that I have so through yoga right through the practice of yoga that taught me how to recognize different feelings in my body. I use those same principles with what's what I'm surrounded with right so as the seasons are changing I start to know I'm paying attention I'm spending enough time in my garden where I notice the little things. I'm noticing the little animals. Oh, I saw that squirrel over there. I wonder, you know, oh, there's babies. And it comes back to being in the in the moment and embracing that moment. And I want to say like, like celebrating like, oh, the little squirrel survival. Gosh, I hope it's there tomorrow. Right. It's rattlesnake season. Good luck, little guy. So so it's really about the practice of being present and paying attention and observing, listening. And it's the same with yoga when you're in yoga practice and using your body, paying attention once so you don't hurt yourself. But being able to like, what does my arm feel? How does my arm feel back here? Oh, no, not today or whatever it may be. It's the same thing with like being in the place. I also say that one thing that helps me is ritual. Ritual is really important to me, whether that's really small of like taking the water. I'm so much more aware of water now because we have to have it shipped to us. Taking the dish water and going out and blessing my plants with my water. Like those things, those rituals are what helps me with the grief of not having water, right? Like it's so sad to me that our water is so scarce and that the water we do get, we cannot drink. So we have to go to another place to go get water. So really like the preciousness of the water and the little rituals that I can find. So when I go out to my lavender in the morning lately, we have so much lavender blooming. As I'm clipping the blooms, I'm thanking her and making sure that I don't take from the bees and the other insects and life that enjoy the lavender. That's what helps me with the grief, right? Of the reciprocity, the relationships that helped me to process those daily griefs of having looked at, you know, TikTok, right? And then that's where I get my news, right? Like a real like, and then being like, oh my gosh, like being so sad and then being like, I'm going to go to my garden or I'm going to go do yoga with my friend Laura on Zoom or whatever. Those are the things of just practicing observation presence. Yeah. And, you know, also in your chapter, the things that you share that's reminding me of is like how your yoga practice prepared you for being able to be in the planet, like on the ground, like in the dirt, you know, rolling around with the animals and the plants and all the other organic material. And that was just a really beautiful reminder that it's not the siloed practice, but it all can be interconnected and moving. Even if it was something that happened 20 years ago, it's still present today. And I think, you know, Tony Morrison calls that we memory in the book Beloved and how like the past is still impacting our present. But there's a really beautiful reminder of those pieces too. I wonder if any of y'all have questions or what to add on to what Samina's been sharing before I move on to another question. Okay. So, you know, talking about interdependence with you, Samina, and the connection to the land. I'm thinking a lot of like, for one, our conversation about ephemera and so much about how we archive your queer legacies and our queer art. And so, and we talked so much about that. Like, I remember just talking about, like, did you see Ricky Martin and all that like leather gear? And did you see this? Let's look at those pictures. But also, you know, the way that it's just also so ever-evolving. And where are you finding home for queer art and ephemera in your life or in your community? Where are you noticing those emergent spaces? Well, I mean, that's complicated. And I personally have a complicated relationship with like nostalgia. Because it could be almost a way to check out, right? Like where, you know, speaking about being present in your body, right? Like if I'm just kind of stuck in memory all the time, like I'm not really dealing with what's happening now or open to change, right? Or open to experiences or new ways of seeing things or being able to appreciate what new generations are doing, right? Like younger generations and emerging generations of artists and creatives. So yeah, so I have, you know, so there is that part of it. So I've seen an emergent lately and it's been, you know, a lot of my graduate research was around digital archiving. And so there was like a time where that was hot, hot, hot. You know, and there were, you know, people getting gallery shows and I do think that these things also have a lot to do with displacement and gentrification. And so, yeah, it's complicated. But in terms of like where I see it out in my community now, it almost feels like we're at a place now where it is just a part of the culture. You know, speaking personally just as a, like a Chicano identified, you know, queer person who grew up here, like it's never not been present, you know, especially in like, in our communities, right? In Brown communities, in all its shapes and forms, you know, there's always been public art, public representation of ourselves. You know, I remember, I'm going to go on a little bit of a side rant, but you know, I just had a memory of going to the city, which is like the butcher shop with my dad. And it was called company city as long and as long as like a Chicano term, it's like, it's a myth. It's mythological. It's a spiritual idea. And, and I just remember believing that it was real. And I asked my dad, like, where is that? He's like, oh, it's somewhere in Mexico. You know, and so, you know, I feel like all that to say that like, that led me to do my own, you know, investigation and understand what that meant. And, you know, I find that our communities have always been really good at providing those educations back at us in one way or another. I, you know, there have been some really good retrospectives of like queer brown art that have been just being recycled and, and, and that I feel at that point it is more of a commercial. It's becoming commercialized and, you know, and it in that process it becomes you politicized a bit and so that's, you know, I'm, I'm in the process I'm in this place right now where I'm trying to figure out where my practice and where my goals. I don't know. I, you know, I do think that I'm like for me right now I'm really interested in memoir, and I, and I'm finding a lot more pleasure in discovering people's personal stories which is why, you know, I'm really glad that I participated in this project because it, it helped me kind of scratch that a little and. You know, I think we, we, we need to get back to a place where we're communicating in a more direct way and speaking truth to power through our own stories and there are some feminist writers that have done some really good work that. Yeah, I. Yeah, but let me look at this question again. And yeah, oh yeah. I'm also like build on what you're sharing because I think, you know, when we had our conversation. You know we allowed zoom to transcribe it like I was really like let's do it. Let's do it the most easy for all of us to get this on the paper right right and you know I remember you being like okay it's published now it you know and you weren't the only one. There were a couple of others like I do it right was that the right thing. I mean, it's just, it's a lot right it's a lot of questions. A lot of people had reflecting on their writing later post publication. Good to hear you talk now about like the memoir piece because that the whole last section of oral narratives is all memoir, you know and those are people who are like, I'm struggling to sit and write I'm just like get my thoughts on paper. And for every one of them I was like well let's get on a zoom and let's just talk it out and we'll let the transcript right for us and. And that's how you know a lot of, if not all the chapters and the last or on their intersection that's how it got written was really correcting the transcript, sharing it looking back at it. That's right and I also love the typos right that exists there. So you know you can go on a little scavenger hunt for that. My favorite. Our conversation is, I forget who we're talking about one of the, one of the broads from nano to know who's still alive. Jenny Garth. And the transcript and us looking at it we just like re's over like this fellow your name which was incorrect, which I just still it tickles me to no end, because how many times that people messed up our names, like on this panel, but how many times we messed up her name and it's just going to. That's how it's going to be because that's how we were talking about a part of our lives was really forced upon us. It wasn't something that we sought out it was something that we were like, here look at this wealthy white family on nine to an own. Anyway, so yeah, it just tickles me. Yeah, and speaking of the typos, you know, like at first I was really like insecure about it, you know, I was just kind of like, oh God, you know, like, of course, but you know, as I mentioned earlier, you know, like, it was also a time where we were all, you know, locked in our homes, and people were dying, and we're holding all of these other things that are going on in our lives. And, you know, navigating, you know, a very openly racist environment that, you know, showed itself clear day during that time and so, you know, it's like, yeah, that's part of it. That's where we were. That's what was happening. And we felt this need to like share this because it did feel like at that point like an emergency, right. But I want to go back to our conversation really quick and I don't want to take a lot of time but you know thinking about memoir, you know, one of the things that I've been kind of filing away and writing about for myself is we talked about it in our chat, the Blum and Mission Tour Madonna, right, and like how connected she is to my queer experience and figuring out like queer language. And you know, so now, you know, because she just did her like world tour and whatever and so I say whatever but I was so excited I was like there. But where was I at different points of her career? Where was my soul? Where was my life? You know, what was going on in my life during specific times of her career? Because her career is as old as I am. You know, it's just like being able to pinpoint where I was in my own growth, be it like figuring out my queerness, figuring out sex and sexuality and, you know, seeing myself and not seeing myself, you know, in various places, whether it was because of a very specific white, you know, representation of herself or whether she was like appropriating some culture at the time, which she's known to do. And so, yeah, you know, so thinking back about thinking back to the idea of memoir, you know, like these are, this has been a really good exercise for me in that sense in kind of documenting and archiving for myself like my lived experience. Yeah, yeah. And I think, you know, for people who read the book and the intro, you know, that memory piece, there's a whole section in the intro where I'm like, what if I died before this book gets published. And I archive, like, this is what the plan is. This is who, you know, this is who's yellow is this is who they're going to, you know, manage this they're going to reach out to everybody they know where everything is archived on my drive. And, you know, and that was really like an intentional part knowing like who knows what's going to happen like there was so many people dying and mouse across the globe. But yeah, I had to really be like, okay, what's going to happen. What's the plan, if something occurs. So yeah. I know I've been inviting y'all to share but I just want to get to one more question for it Serena and BK, before we open it up to the group for questions. So if you're watching and following us and you have a question for us you're welcome to put it in the chat in a few moments and we'll get to it. But, you know, and this conversation became that one or having around the moment in time where we were all like writing these chapters and what was going on in the world, and you know how our governments were responding but really also how our societies were responding to Asian community leaders, just like they did with SARS back in the 2022s, right. Those I think are really poignant questions. And like in my lineup I was like as BK something about Orientalism, because that's a core part of like the chapter that you wrote, and where people don't know every chapter has a lesson plan that accompanies it. Because we know a lot of people who are teaching sexuality in the United States and Canada, or in English and Mexico are oftentimes racially white people are very much lighter skinned people are not people in relationship to the culture. And so we were like this is how you teach our stuff. Don't try to do it on your own. And so there's a whole section definition with like Edward Said's definition of Orientalism. And so, you know, this is kind of like open ended I only have a structure to this but I'm wondering, you know, as we think of as I hear Juan say like where you know where where were you in this moment in time. And it's also really important calling on for all of us, as we witness these genocides and these wars and these requests for support and help like where will we position in these moments of time and. Yes, I'm wondering what's coming up for you around the reality of Orientalism the way that it shows up in the lives of people who are racialized as Asian which is a very broad word but yeah I think that's coming up you want to bring in around that. Yeah, the, the things I'm thinking about. When you talk about that is having a family my partner is white. She appears white and she's Irish and Jewish and having children that are ambiguously raised and not genetically related to me. And moving about our world like that so my kids have a cough right now, and I have a cough from them as well. And just coughing in public is such an interesting experience. It started with SARS but even before then you know I think there's a lot of caricatures of. I don't know in my head, you know, like Chinese railroad builders who had like tuberculosis and they were, you know, stuffed into small rooms together. And so the coughing East Asian person is a caricature in my head I don't know if it's in other people's heads. And so I am just so aware when I'm coughing and when my kids are coughing and I'm wondering how they're being perceived and how they're being located and like what kind of coffers are they are they just sweet kids all got the daycare cough. Or are they part of, you know, the the the diseased masses who are, you know, should should be avoided. So I think about that and COVID, you know, as it ebbs and flows in its different strains, you know, continues continues the significance of coughing and other, you know, bodily leakages, like they all position, I for me the the East Asian body and and how infested and how, you know, because there are so many and that looks so similar these are sort of the the images I get. And a lot of times a lot of internalized racism is all about that, you know, having a name that is common feels connect, you know, like Karen Chan is like the name I lived with for a long time, having a name that is common. And I personally know three other Karen chance. It feels like it's it's, it's, you know, connected to how there are so many of you that are like copies of each other, those kinds of sentiments. So to me, this is a moment where especially East Asians, the, I don't remember which comedian but she called them the fancy Asians, the fancy Asians being the Chinese, the Japanese, the Koreans, who are like being elevated in through Hollywood, in the media, as being much more juxtaposed to whiteness, right that. Alley Wong, yes, thank you, Juan. So in this moment is interesting Orientalism does like is in full force. As other as has been yet, some of us made it past the line and we are part of the, we're so close to whiteness now, we are safe, unless we're coughing. So I those are some of the things that dance around for me in my head. Yeah, Serena, Juan, what are you thinking about. Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that became because it's such a huge question right now was just like it's just so the word that comes to mind like stuffy because it's vague it's ethereal, but also has like these really tangible social realities and impacts, and it impacts all of us has a trip, a trickling effect or ripple or so. Yeah, I want to bring any thoughts and I definitely have one last question for Serena that I think ties into this question as well but don't respond or add to anything that be case sharing. Okay, so last question for Serena that will open it up to the group hopefully we'll have about 10 minutes for that and then we'll turn it back over to Anisa to give some reminders. You know, in your chapter on the yoga and in the lesson plans that we created together, we invited you to think about like, is there an activity that you want these participants to do that's rooted in like a yoga practice, and somebody to get you to consider like, what are the strategies that you imagine or that you can offer the participants today and those of us on the panel that we could practice or ritual to do the work of healing our relationship with the planet with the ecosystem with our body minds when they're sick or debilitated or something more. Any offerings that you want to guide people through today or share with us that's around that connection. That's a really powerful question. And I think there's so many ways to to come at that. But I think for me, and those that I work with our foundational practices always come back to self reflection. So looking in the mirror and holding up the mirror. Like I have one you have one and we're just doing that self reflection. I think that is the most powerful place to start and always like a good place to begin anything of self reflection. So, maybe a maybe an example of that is even just because I'm going to go to my garden, because you know, in my story I kind of talk about how yoga leads me to the garden, right. And how I am in relationship with my, where my, my, my love right now my lover right now is my calendula. And she is thriving right now and so I began courting calendula at the hotel around here and I would go and I would go like, I learned how to harvest her seeds. And so I would come up to her and I'd be like, hey, and kind of take a little bit of this and I'm going to go plant you and I plant your babies in my house and I would take it and I would talk to her. I wouldn't just go take it. I would go get the seeds and I would put a little spit and leave her a little spit. That's what my current data said to do. I'm going to be part of myself there. There's no one's looking. And so now she's at my house. And the reflection part is like, like wherever she is in her process of wherever she's at right like the issue just sprouting. Is she in, you know, in the seed, you know, where she's giving me seeds. Like the flower look at night, like when she's kind of half closed and open. And so that is my personal way of like self reflecting and also like tying it back to me too. Like how am I mirroring her or how is she showing up in my dreams because she does she she comes to me in my dreams and so just building that relations and so for everyone it's going to be different. It's just my way. So I always tell people like go and seek for yourself through self reflection of what ways you find these the strategies as as you put them right. What does it mean to you does that mean even like maybe it's not accessible for you to connect go outside and connect with a plant right so maybe like dreaming about. The plants right there's so many ways to go about like the food that you're eating right. There are so many ways to come out and there's no right or wrong way. And, and it also doesn't have to be this grand gesture either right so that is what all I'll leave it at that is. Yeah, right there. Yeah, I used to like be open to exploring be curious. And, you know, there's no rush. Like, It's playful. Make it playful. I love these like courting. I tease my partner all the time I'm going to court this part of your body and brings up giggles and I'm like, yeah, it's the point. Yeah, so thank you for that. I think usually people default to like take a deep breath, release some tension because they always make assumptions about yoga and it's like, sometimes deep breaths are not accessible to some of us, especially who are disabled and have chronic pain or it's hard to take deep breaths. So yeah, I appreciate you giving us a more expensive consideration. So thank y'all. I want to open it up to our participants who are joining us today. And I'll invite Anisa to share with us. There's any questions that have been brought in that you probably want to bring in if there's anyone now that wants to put a question in the chat. Yeah, let us know. And there's one of the chat that says I would like to hear thoughts on home. When we live in such disparate disparity on housed elder children mothers, and in the extreme visual visual visual genocide we are watching homes being bombed. Yeah, I don't want to start. I really think of like, Juan share like the memoir and the archiving and who are the people that we're listening to who are on the ground who are in these particular spaces. What are the things that make us uncomfortable. Like if, if student encampments make us uncomfortable, why don't we ask ourselves why. So bringing that back to like Serena's invitation to like really ask ourselves additional questions and reflect on that. I also like the idea that there's no one right answer for a lot of us. And there's also part of that grief that so many of us experience whether it's because we're not at our homelands or because we feel displaced or whatever it may be. Yeah, other thoughts that you want to bring in. Yeah, I'll share a little something on that. Because this is kind of, this is basically where I find myself in my headspace, you know, is guilt or, you know, even survivors guilt. You know, from people have passed away from COVID or from other from overdoses or people close to me that you know that I've lost in those ways recently and so also. But gratitude. I think kind of trying to find ways to connect to things that I'm grateful for and people that I'm grateful for and, you know, even being here with you all, you know, and knowing, you know, I'm grateful for this opportunity to go for Bianca bringing us together. And there is hope there is there is a there's a negative home there, right. And I think that that's kind of like the best I can do right now. Given the global circumstances and violence is thinking small right because I, you know, for, you know, as as community organizers and, you know, thinkers, creatives, whatever, like we go big, right, like we just kind of like want to fix everything and, and it's like, well, I can't do that right now, but I can show loving care for myself and those around me, my pet, you know, my beautiful dog. Shout out to Ari. And, yeah, yeah, just trying to find those nuggets of gratitude in these times because, you know, in a lot of ways we are powerless, you know, and so, yeah. Yeah, thanks mom. Yeah, I echo what you said, Juan about about grief. I've been working really hard on making sure that my that I and my partner together with our children and our communities are taking the space and the time to be together in grief, because the knee jerk reaction so often is to be angry and to go quick do something so that the feeling of helplessness that you talked about is not the dominant feeling because I'm doing something that I must not be helpless. My partner I mentioned is partly Jewish and she's been running like a weekly group for other Jewish people to come and just grief and to cry and not maybe talk but that it's not centered on like thinking or philosophizing or even action. I mean, they're all probably part of the same actions too, but that space is for feeling and that's the part that I really often forget to do and or don't want to do because it hurts and I I know a lot of people say have I've heard people say that you know now that I've had kids I can't watch things where kids get hurt you know I can't watch movies where kids get hurt that has totally happened for me. And so it's it's been actually impossible to tune in, you know, like I always have to, I have been like having my one ear one eye closed, just to even process and integrate some of the images and the stories and the knowing of what might be happening. And it feels like most of the time I'm just avoiding because because it's too much. So I'm trying to ensure that in my home that my children are learning that that we are grieving and that it's it's really important that it's not something you know we need to be to be cheered up out of. And in fact that that we are both helpless and not helpless because this is this is what is true of life right now. And so to live it means to feel completely like disintegrated to not be integrated you know. Yeah, that feels really true right now. Thank you for your question. Yeah, thanks be care of that. It reminds me of this article that I read in the Guardian, a couple of weeks ago, it's definitely like at least two months old and it was titled something like I'm not there and I'm not here. A Palestinian American poet I'm bearing witness to atrocity and they really talk about like what's the, what's the role of the witness, and what's the role of the memory that the witness maintains. When we're displaced and when we're, you know, like, what is our role. And also how do we nurture ourselves in that space. My ad was was just like a combination of what everybody said but just, I just wanted to reiterate the micro, the micro, the focus. And when I bring it into view and I go into the micro. It's always my loves. It's my loves, my relations. I love that. Thank you. Yeah, and Anissa just put that link in the chat. Thank you so much for finding it. I was going to dig it up too. We have one other question and we'll turn it over to Anissa. So if you keep your comments short. And if you want to add more you're welcome to do it in the chat but one participant asks, what is one or two of the must read books or what are you reading now. Let me see if my book. I'm reading a graphic novel about like cults in the United States that Corey gave me because I'm having a hard time reading books. I can read journal articles, I can read my, you know, capacity to like sit and read a novel has really shifted in my grief since my mom died eight years ago so I'm slowly getting back into reading through graphic novels. Yeah, anybody else want to share. I'm serene you put Roger Coons book. You want to talk a little bit about that one. Well, first of all, Roger is my friend. So, sure, yeah I might be slightly biased, and I'm just the book was a great read. I bought the paper version because I like to have a book, and I got the audio version I want to say that the audio version was amazing and the way that he reads it and his tone and inflection it's just a beautiful beautiful book. And it would I was like that is my read. So, huge fan, and that's just because Roger's my friend because he's an amazing human being. But oh, yeah, talking about the somatic the body the coming to and and he talks about his experience of, you know what it's like to be a two spirit person and in his body and, and it's a memoir but also there's some beautiful lessons in there so I'm just trying to be care one any books that you want to promote very quickly and then we'll turn it over to Anissa for wrapping up this time together. I'm rereading Resma Menachem's My Grandmother's Hands right now. And I'm also rereading Terrence Reel, his book called Us. Lots of books I'm trying to remember the lessons from so that I can speak more honestly and bravely and like in my body. Thank you, King. And Juan, you put one in the chat you must share a little bit about it. Yeah. I started reading filter world by Kyle Chica, and it's media theory it's just basically talking about how the algorithm is homogenizing culture. And, yeah, enjoying it very much. Awesome. Thank you all. Thank you all so much. I always say this to you all but thank you so much for your yes and contributing to the book, and saying yes to these opportunities together and making connections to the work that we're doing. It was great to be here with y'all. And we thank all the participants for joining us. And Anissa, I turn it back over to you for final reminders. Thank you. Oh, that was really wonderful. Thank you all. I think everyone here in our audience and a few have disappeared but we were at a nice peak have really needed this conversation so thank you for bringing that to us and thank you for being so authentic. And just having such a lovely conversation, I felt like we were together. So I appreciate that. And I'm going to put one more time in the chat, our doc for tonight, and I will pick up all of those books and add them to the chat so you have them. And thank you so much, everybody. Have a wonderful night as a PL community. We love you, panelists. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Bye, everyone.