 wang m tule … kwa mwa meki uo awaresa mag jamais autoritmi wa inalder assure nam nearest kutua waksutwa na kranguahu uo pooansimellow So I was a happy child. I was very active at home until class 6 when I was 12 years old. When my parents decided they wanted to take me to a new school. So my previous school was okay. I had amazing friends. I used to perform so well in athletics, everything. So when I went to this new school, things were different. I remember the first day at school, I never even made any... I never made any friends the first day at school and that was quite awkward. So the first day at school I was ridiculed for my school uniform. It was different. My dress was baggy. I was the tallest girl in class. Being in class 6, I was very tall. So yeah, the first day I remember I went back home and I told my mom, the first day at school was okay but I didn't make any friends. And my mom was like, it's cool. If you didn't make any friends, just stay there for a while. I'm sure things will change after a while. But time went on and on in the same school. So we had swimming lessons. In my previous school we didn't have swimming classes. So this was something new to me. It was kind of exciting because I knew this would be a good experience. But it was nothing I expected. I remember the first time we went to swimming when I changed now in the washrooms and you're changing to your swimming costumes. So when I was changing into mine, there was some group of girls who were looking at me when I was changing. So there's a bathmark I have somewhere here around my waist. So it's a layer of skin. I was actually born a bit. So I think when these girls saw it, they were so creeped up and they thought maybe I have a skin disease or something. So they started spreading wordlet that this girl has come with skin disease. She's going to get in the swimming pool and infect us. So I was getting out of a changing room and everyone was staring at me and I'm like, why is everyone just looking at me with weird eyes? And I'm like, okay. So maybe it's cause I'm a new student. So that day after swimming, people made fun of my body of how skinny I was. That was the first time ever I was body shamed. My collar bones, my bones are like sticking out and people made fun of that. I was even being asked if I have diseases that are making me look so skinny and all that. So that started affecting me. I started getting depressed because it went on and on and on. So you first all these at the age, at class 6? At class 6, 12 years old. I started experiencing body shaming and social and verbal bullying when I was in class 6. So you know when people are making fun of you, no one wants to be your friend because you're like the loser in the school. So yeah, I didn't really, I can't say I had genuine friends because most of the time I would isolate myself in primary. I would spend most time alone because again, people don't want to walk with you because they feel like you'll embarrass them or something. Yeah, so... And so did you try to talk it to your parents? You maybe think of getting a transfer from that school? That's how the problem came in. You want to say it to your parents but you don't know how to say it. And when you're 12 years old, you don't really know what you're going through. It's bullying. It's bullying, you know. You just think that it's something normal, something that will go away. So I really didn't... I didn't want to tell my parents. I know my parents would have taken action maybe try and get me a new school but I didn't want to because again, my dad took me to this new school because he... It was actually a school that students performed really well. And the school was nice. The food, everything, the environment was okay. So my dad wanted the best for me and I wasn't ready to disappoint him. So yeah, I just persevered and said I'd just ignore all the bullying and all the body-shaming, all the bad words. I just decided to go through them in silence because at that age I didn't know that this was actually depression So you grew that things came at that young age? At 12 years of age it was tough because I remember now when I was in class, around class 7 going to class 8 things had gotten so bad at school. I actually got after some time I got to make two friends but then these two friends are on and off. You know we would spend time together and then the next time they don't want to talk to me. So one time after break I went to class and I found a letter in my desk So opening the letter it was written, we're so sorry we don't want to walk with you because you're embarrassing us. And I was like wow. So I'm actually this ugly you start thinking to yourself am I actually this bad looking and also I didn't mention that actually had acne I really had big pimples on my face right now it has reduced but I had acne so I think that was also part of the reason why a lot of people wouldn't want to hang around you because they feel like you're not pretty enough And so how was your life back at home? It being that you're being harassed in school you're being ridiculed in school and then now you get home Did you like go into a room hide and cry yourself out? No So actually when I was in primary I was in boarding so my parents didn't get to see me a lot more often but when we'd close school I had amazing friends at home my siblings were so good so going back home I wouldn't be lost in the moment like I wouldn't be in that that depressive thought like when I'm in school because at home I have people who make me happy my siblings are always there for me I had good friends so no one would ever tell that I was depressed or I was going through that type of bullying Did you ever become suicidal in a way? When actually the first time I started contemplating when I was in class 8 that was when I was 15 around 15 around 15 years of age So of course people were avoiding me in school I was isolating myself I started feeling ugly I would look at myself in the mirror see all these pimples look at my height, how tall I am my body, the way I'm skinny and I would just feel so unworthy of love and feel so horrible and sometimes I just used to ask myself who am I even in my life if no one wants to hang around me no one wants to be my friend people are just making fun of me So yeah the first time I contemplated suicide was when I was in class 8 How did you deal with it? I didn't So I remember I went to tell my class teacher that I was going through a lot because I was being medfano and everything So when I went to this teacher fun enough I went and told her okay so some students have been making fun of my appearance my acne, my height and it's making me uncomfortable so this teacher tells me where were you and in my head I'm like what has my height got to do with someone bullying me so I didn't even get any help so my teacher was like you need to stand up for yourself because you are a big girl because I'm a big girl because I'm tall I mean why would a tall girl be bullied if anything you are the one who looks like the bully so I didn't even get any help from this person I thought would be a safe space to report to so that night I was frustrated I remember I went to the matron I told her I was sick so for like a week I used to go to the matron to take medicine so I used to store the medicine so that was actually what I had in mind that I would use this medicine after I stuck up enough pills I would just swallow them at once and maybe that would be the end of me but yeah I tried that I did and fortunately or unfortunately well let's say fortunately nothing happened I just got sick just a normal headache but nothing happened so yeah that was the first time I actually contemplated this so not so many young girls can fight through depression like you and then come through it because the generation we have right now you find that they are not so much so close to their parents can't go tell their parents this is what I'm going through and if they can go and tell their parents that this is what I'm going through let's say this young girl comes from a very poor family and then she goes to the parent tells the mother that she's depressed this young this woman in the village does not understand what comes with depression so there are some of these signs that someone should look to so when you're depressed well I think the symptoms are different for everyone what I experienced the moments when you wake up and you're just angry you don't know why you're angry it's hard to get out of bed you feel exhausted you feel fatigued you're not motivated to do anything anything would make you angry and you feel like no one can understand you you feel like no one can know what you're going through so you isolate yourself so there are different types of trauma responses there's a flight response there's phone so let's say in the flight response you tend to isolate yourself from others you tend to not talk you're just in your own space it affects your health it affects your health you get crazy migraines just stressed about a lot of things so I'd say if you notice for example you're a parent and you notice that your child is starting to have changes of behaviour for example your child was a very happy child like me I was so happy I started experiencing these things at home now after some time when I was like 2021-22 I started isolating myself I would lock myself up in the room and my parents never understood what was going on because I never told them I was depressed so I used to lock myself up in the room I do not want to talk to anyone so those are some of the things you'd notice changes of behaviour and most parents tend to scold their children I didn't go through that my parents were quite understanding but there are parents who would beat their children because I think we should be more interactive with our children and know why they're having changes in behaviour why they're not acting like they used to so just changes in behaviour and so to an extent you'll find that the people who are residing in the urban centres you'll find that they are much aware of what comes with mental health but those who are back in the village you'll find that mental health mostly is associated with witchcraft when you mention mental health and then when you mention mental health and depression or any first set of mental health someone will say I'm taking you to a psychologist and then you say psychologist but I'm not mad I'm not walking naked so how are you taking this to the grassroots to make this poor mama understand what depression is so that's actually a very good question because there's a lot of stigma around mental health you tell someone you're going to see a therapist and they're like we associate mental health with madness which is actually not true so mamba24 is an app I created this app alongside other group of people so in this app it's a safe space where you can report these cases of bullying gender based violence so how we are reaching out to the rural rural areas we are planning to reach out to those nyumbakum initiatives so that we can talk to the chairmen and get them to install these apps in various villages so that we can have at least one setting where people can go a safe place where we have one of our people one of our therapists who are there so this will be like a center where they can go and report whatever issue they're going through and also we have phone numbers there are phone numbers for our therapists, counselors and lawyers so these lines we also have a toll free line so these numbers we spread them to the to the rural areas so that those who are not aware about how can I report what I'm going through how can I report rape how can I report bullying they can get access to help to our phone numbers and through the app that we have created so if you'd like to reach out to this app you just search for tufo.co.ke tufo.co.ke there's a pop up that comes as soon as you log in the app and once you take that pop up our therapist or whoever is behind the line will reach out to you and will march you with whatever service that you need so I was reading your bio and then in your bio you're saying that you're helping to reduce stigmatization on mental health so my question is how are you going about it it being that in our country there is criminalization of suicide and suicide is one of the things that come with mental health and then you take like a scenario that happened some time back a young man wanted to jump from a very top building and kill himself or rather wanted to commit suicide and then when he jumped down he ended up in a police station meaning whatever he wanted to do was criminal so how are you trying to kill stigmatization on mental health when it's criminalized in our own country so I'm also facing stigma because I've been to a couple of interviews sharing my story about bullying and everything and by sharing the stories the people who have told me stop embarrassing yourself no one will hire you if you share such stories it's in the past forget about it that's stigma people don't want you because they feel like your past is gone and you should bury it under a shell you shouldn't ashamed yourself and that is what makes people not speak up so what we are doing there is actually a bill Senetakasanga has a bill in the parliament a mental health bill where she is actually pushing for that the arresting of people who are trying to commit suicide she is trying to get that law put aside Senetakasanga pushing it but us as an app what we do is we we have free online classes where we offer classes to people on how to how to deal with stigma teaching people about mental health and depression the effects of stigma why we should stop it so that is the part we are playing as an app creating free education to people on stigma and why we should end it why it's important to end it so yeah so you are a fashion enthusiast talk about it so I am also a fashion writer a blogger and a stylist I have a fashion brand it's called JJ Fashion Parlor so in this brand as I've said there's a styling aspect of it and there's a blogging aspect of it so in terms of blogging writing fashion articles in 2014 2015 professionally so I created a website and I started writing everything revolving around fashion, pop culture fashion news how to dress, what to style and as I grew as a fashion writer and blogger I got to work with people like Phil Batmkwiche stylist in Kenya Afrikeseri collections and I think the most important the biggest one was Thiklions from South Africa she's a plus size model so yeah I created an article about her brand and she got to put it out and that was really amazing so I started writing in 2016-2015 then as I was writing I got inspired to start styling people so if you would invite me for their birthday shoots I would source outfits for them and style them I also have a designer who makes clothes for various people so yeah if you're looking for that you can also hit me up yes so we are coming to the end of the show but before that I want you to look in that camera and then just encourage a young boy a young girl who is going through depression and then at the end of it tell them your social media handle so depression is nothing to be ashamed of whether you're going through domestic violence gender based violence whether you've been raped and you're suffering in silence speaking up actually helps I am a victim of severe depression I have been told not to share my story but by talking about it I tend to heal and I'm a voice for so many out here so whatever you're going through I want you to know that there is hope for healing there is hope for healing please talk about it don't focus on the stigma talk about it and reach out to us for help number 24 we have amazing therapists we have amazing lawyers that you can talk to and if you'd like to reach out to us you can check us out on Instagram at mamba24 underscore ke my personal handle is JJpala underscore ke and if you'd love to get my fashion blogs and articles and maybe some styling services you can check us out as JJ blogs underscore ke yeah remember to speak up and don't let anyone put you down about whatever moment you're going through wow so we celebrate you here at Y254 and keep doing what you're doing best thank you so we've come to the end of the show and just to remind you of our social media handles at Y254 in the morning at Y254 channel engage me at Faith in Sully and to our parents out there remember that children need your presence in their life and not just your presence sorry children need your presence in their life and not just presence I've been your host Faith in Sully Kaisu is up next with Galsvik stay tuned