 So yesterday I made a post that I know a lot of you saw and I got a lot of messages on it, which was great You know so recently I Have been seeing in my Facebook feed a lot of sadness from people a lot of people going through things All seems like the same and it just seems like we're all kind of in a spot where you know We're hurting we're struggling with you know found relationship or you know death in the family or whatever it might be You know, it's kind of it's pushing me. It's pushing me to do a little bit more than I have I Don't know it's about maybe a year ago. I started a novel and The novel is the forgiven path to the city of Springs I didn't have a name for it at the time or I did and it changed and You know, I stopped writing it probably And I'm maybe three months into it. You know, I ended up meeting somebody now it's almost 18 months ago and Yeah, I just got I got sidetracked with life and you know hanging out and Doing fun things that you do when you meet somebody and so, you know, I put the book down and pick it back up and month and a half ago You know, we broke up and The first thing I did was pick the book back up and I said it's you have to read you have to write it You had to finish it. I keep your mind on things You got to focus on things and so I kept writing the book and it and it's funny how things tie in together and I'm writing this book and I can tell you the moment rereading as I'm going through my edits the moment that I that I picked it back up after the six months I Could see the shift in my emotion. I can see the shift in my words. I can see how much I'm addressing things differently from my heart and And then after reading so many Facebook posts and Instagram posts about, you know narcissism and and and people You know saying this person's not right for me and you know people come into your life and they leave your life and and you know Don't think that you're that you're bad or that you're damaged or any of this stuff and I and I'm reading I'm reading I'm reading and I see so little So little responsibility taken and and this is not meant to Make anybody feel bad about hurting or you know about Anything that they're seeing in their relationships their past relationships, but I'm gonna tell you this This is the one lesson I learned and I probably learned this last night and today So I've only been I've only been a part for You know a month and a half From my person, you know somebody that I probably Cared more about than I than I showed her and and that's okay because I know that But with my new novel being called the Forgiven Path It's for for the first part of the month and a half I kept thinking I had to forgive her I had to forgive her for for leaving I had to forgive her for Shutting me entirely out and saying I just don't want to hear from you I had to forgive her from making a quick decision that was stupid and wrong and But I'm gonna tell you this what I learned last night and today is this it's not her that I needed to forgive. It's me I have to forgive me because When you go through a breakup Initially, you look at things differently You look at things as well They did this and they did that and I didn't like this about them and and you know They made a rash decision and they're gonna regret this And I look back and I realized that's not what happened now. What what happened was it was me It was it was 100% me I I Was not the person that that she was to me. I Had to be better and I wasn't and when I talked about in my post, you know learning From you know from from the actual breakup learning from the hard and the part that sucks Hey, I thought that meant that I had to learn that She wasn't for me and I had to find a better person and that's not what I learned what I learned was I made a lot of mistakes, you know, I learned that She needed me to be a better person and as I sit here and I evaluate myself and I and I read my novel And I and I look at the words they put in there I'm realizing I'm getting to that point. I'm getting to the point where I'm realizing I'm not the person I need to be for somebody so You know, I of course, I'm not gonna get into details of my my relationship. It's not fair to her It's not fair to the people that know both of us It's You know, it's something I'm gonna keep private But I will say this The decisions that she made when we broke up Are definitely decisions that she should have made As much as that hurts me to say I Was not going to learn to be the person that she needed me to be if she didn't hurt me and Really, that's even said wrong if I didn't hurt myself There were things that I knew I needed to give her I need to be a little bit kinder I need to drop flowers off a little bit more because I knew that she loved that I Needed to I needed to show her off a little bit more than I did I let my ego get in the way and the fact that you know Attention to something we all like. I mean, it's something that we it will not all it's something that most of us really strive for We want we want to feel love you want to feel, you know, the people want us we want to feel like that we're Yeah, go through a divorce you want to feel like that you're desirable still and so I never lost that feeling and here I meant this, you know, this amazing absolutely amazing woman and She showed me that that I was desirable that I was that I was something that You know that that could be loved and Man looking back. Did she ever show me that like that that was one person that would just put it out there and show me and I didn't and Listen, I love the comments. I'm not being hard on myself. I'm really not I'm being honest with myself and I'm okay with that You have to learn. I mean my character in the book has to learn a valuable lesson through pain and Through hardships and he wasn't going to learn otherwise and he did and I looked at this and I went man Were you were you like predicting that this was going to happen to you? So I Went through a very very very very difficult divorce and the people that know me close know about it and the people that don't It was bad And I can honestly look back on my marriage and say listen You failed that too Don't get me wrong. There were things that happened that never should have happened to me But I look at back on my life and I realize that you know Initially, I make the mistakes of of getting in my own way and the reason why I'm telling you all this It's not for attention. It's not for reaching out saying I'm so sorry or you're such a great person for being so vulnerable It's not It is literally to teach somebody else not to make the mistakes that we keep making over and over and over again I Can sit here and tell you that two weeks ago I could have given you 20 things that my ex-girlfriend did That I thought were wrong and Today I can sit here and say all 20 of those were because of things that I did They weren't that she was doing them wrong to hurt me. I Think she was hurting and just couldn't tell me I Wasn't a bad boyfriend. I wasn't a bad husband But I wasn't what they needed. I wasn't the person I needed to be and I get that so listen Stop looking at everybody as a narcissist. Stop looking at everybody as it's their fault Stop looking at everybody and saying but they hurt me Take the time to heal and you're only going to heal if you can look at yourself and say But why did they do those things? What did I do that contributed to them? You're not going to find the answer in all of them There are absolutely people that are going to hurt you for nothing and there are people They're going to cheat on you and make you feel terrible and and and leave you for no other reason than they haven't healed But stop looking at it In a way that you cannot heal yourself Healing does not start By blaming somebody else healing starts by looking at yourself and realizing You've made a lot of mistakes and that's okay, and that you're going to make a lot more and that's okay, too I'm never going to be perfect. I'm going to make a lot of mistakes from this point on the rest of my life And I know that But what I know is this I don't know That I'm ever going to find my person again like I had I Believe I'm going to find my person again But it sucks to get to the point Where you know you had more than you could see with your eyes and It's truly important to understand this Some things are not fixable They're just not You can sit here and want it all you want you can pray you can beg you can do whatever you have to do Some things just aren't going to be fixable, and that's okay But look back on the good things you had and realize You can't do this again. You can't You have to be happy With what you have and not with what you don't have I don't mind making a video and being emotional Because I don't want to see anybody else go through this I'm fine. I'm good. I'm great. I got four beautiful kids five beautiful kids before that I take care of here and And that's great. I love that. I'm in a great spot in my life. I feel strong. I feel great But I'm gonna tell you I have a lot of regret I Don't have regrets necessarily for the things she did I have regrets for the things that I didn't do And she's not going to see this video and that's great And she's moved on With her life and she has to and not necessarily with somebody else. I don't know that I don't follow her I don't look into her. I don't even question. I don't want to know But someday she's gonna meet another guy and God, I hope that guy is smart enough to realize Don't screw this up Don't screw this up