 Hi and welcome back. Today I'm going to be talking about four things not to say to someone who is in recovery from anorexia. Now, these will apply quite broadly. These are things I found difficult when people said them to me. I sometimes still find it a little bit difficult and they're things that many, many other people who I've spoken to who have been through the recovery process found difficult when people said it to them. However, the very best way to find out how best to talk to someone that you're concerned about, whether you're their parent, their friend, their teacher, their co-worker, whatever you might be, best way to find out how to talk to them is to talk to them. So do go and have that discussion. Have an open and honest conversation. Get talking about it. And if you're anxious about knowing how to start talking about mental health, then have a look at my other video. I'll highlight it somewhere up here, which helps you start the conversation. Without much further ado, here are four things not to say to someone who is recovering from anorexia. Okay, number one, you're looking really well. Anything that relates to us looking well is likely to be misinterpreted as you're looking really fat. And you won't mean it that way at all. What you might be thinking is, gosh, last time I saw you look really frail, gaunt, pale, yellow, spotty, whatever it might be, you know, there's lots and lots of different ways in which we might look physically unwell when we are malnourished. And we often will look a hell of a lot better as we begin to recover. But that process is a really difficult one for us. And we are often very, very uncomfortable with our bodies for quite some time, as we are gaining weight, and as we reach a healthy weight. So generally, it's best to kind of avoid commenting on appearance at all, unless you've talked to the person about it specifically, and they say they feel okay about it. Instead, you know, ask the question, how are you? Or just kind of talk about something else or, you know, ask how things are going generally with recovery, just have a more open conversation. Or it's great to see you've got a bit more energy, you know, thinking about that kind of thing, rather than specifically putting it down to appearance, because yeah, that can be really tough. Okay, number two, well done, often done really enthusiastically at meal times. So if you know that someone is really struggling with eating or with a particular food type or something like that, and you observe them actually overcoming and conquering that fear at a meal time, then often you can feel really proud of them and you kind of want to fist bump them or high five or whatever. But that can make us really anxious. It can make that moment really difficult. It can make us kind of step back and backpedal and really overanalyze what we're doing. It can bring that eating disorder bully right back to the forefront and going, Yeah, why did you do that? Why did you eat that? You shouldn't have had that you didn't deserve it, or whatever that voice might be saying to us. So instead, despite the jubilation you might be feeling, just let the moment pass. Come back to it later. I noticed at dinner time that you had a bit of potato and I know that's something that you've really struggled with before. It's really cool. Well done. So we're kind of underplaying it a little bit and we're coming back to it later. Allow the moment to happen and pass. Come back to it later. So yeah, it's not that we don't notice that we don't notice it in a big way at the time. Okay, number three. Oh, you won't want this or oh, you don't eat that or I know you don't like X or I know you're uncomfortable with Y. Don't make assumptions about what we can and can't do and what we will and won't do because that makes it a lot harder for us to make a new and positive choice. So instead, just leave all the options there. So if it's particularly around mealtimes, you know, allow us to choose from all the options available and you might think definitely not going to go for the pasta say, you might just know that that's not going to happen. But you know what, one day, maybe we do. And again, you don't make a big deal of it, you just allow that to happen. But yeah, leave all the options open. Don't make assumptions about what we can and can't do or will or won't do both in terms of food, but also in terms of things like physical activity, joining and with social events, there's all sorts of different stuff. Leave doors open for us. Leave it so that we can step over that difficult threshold if we want to. And that's a really, really helpful thing that you can do no matter what role you're playing in someone's lives. Yeah, don't don't assume we can't allow us to can. That didn't quite make sense. But you know what I mean. Okay, and then finally, number four. This is a bit of an odd one, but this is one I found real really tough. Get well soon or you're going to be fine. Basically, platitudes, those kind of big sticking plaster comments that suggest that this is like a head cold and we're going to be fine soon. Actually, anorexia and other eating disorders, they are complicated illnesses, and this is going to be a journey. And we don't need you to kind of pretend it's going to be fine because that can make us think that you underestimate the kind of size of the journey ahead of us. What is much more helpful is if you can acknowledge, you're going to have to work really hard. But you know what, I'm going to be here with you. I'm going to do whatever I can support or, you know, I recognize that you've already made loads of progress, but there's loads more to go. Basically, recognizing that this is a journey, and that we're on it together. It's a really, really tough journey. And it's a particularly tough journey if you go it alone. So instead of having someone saying get well soon, or you're going to be fine, much, much better for someone to say, whoa, this looks tricky, but I got you back. I'm here with you, walking hand in hand with you. So yeah, offer your sympathy, offer your empathy, offer your support. But don't say get well soon or you'll be fine because it's going to take a while. I hope that this was a little bit helpful. I hope there are some things in here you can take away. But please, please do remember that the best way to find out how best to talk to a particular person that you care about is to talk to them. Maybe discuss this video with them, pick it apart, decide with them which bits they think are stupid, and which bits they think kind of talk to them. Yeah, do that. And leave me a comment with other things you think I should have included and anything you maybe disagree with on the list too. I hope this was helpful. I hope you'll come back again and watch another time you can subscribe if you would like to see my future videos. And if you liked it, please give it a thumbs up. And if you have anything you want to share, then leave a comment down below. Thank you so much and see you again soon. Bye