 Men love women who know this, and we're gonna get into this for a second. I wanna talk about how to meet a quality guy and how we'll get him to adore you. So let's assume quality means being in one's power and mutual respect for one another. Let's just take that as what quality means, whether it's a man or a woman or a relationship, that's what quality means. Well, what emotionally healthy men want from women is women that don't give their power to the man, meaning that their happiness is solely predicated on whether or not he's giving her attention, he's validating her, he's supplying entertainment. Emotionally healthy men don't want to be responsible for that. And yet, sadly, I've witnessed so many women give their power away to men. And I wanna address this as we lean into how to meet a quality man that will actually adore you. So what does it mean to give your power away? Well, I'm gonna give you some examples to help you with this. So number one, by the way, I'm gonna read my notes, so please forgive me. The relationship is on his terms. You abandon your standards and you abandon your boundaries. See, when we don't give our power away, we don't make the other person responsible for the relationship trajectory. When two emotionally healthy people come together, when two, we'll call them quality people come together and we said quality is retaining one's power and having mutual respect for one another, these couples co-create a relationship. It is not predicated on the man's direction. And yet, sadly, I've witnessed so many women who give their power to a man. In other words, it's all predicated on whether or not he loves her and he's directing the relationship. Now, I understand this is confusing because we basically have a narrative that, and I didn't quote this, but women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. And what that means is men are the ones who initiate the commitment conversation. More importantly, men initiate the marriage conversation. So we've been literally, habitually, it's come down from thousands of years that men are the directors of the relationship. And yet, is that really the way it should be? Is it? I think two people, when they come together, it's a, they come together as sovereign beings. And as I said earlier, co-creating a relationship together, okay? Number two, women oftentimes give their power away by being silent. And what I mean to say, they don't speak their truth in relationship. They're fearful for sharing their feelings. They're fearful for asking questions of the man. And the fear is that he's going to end the relationship. So I've witnessed so many women who are actually silent and fearful in this process. And that is certainly giving one's power away. You know, the truth is, is if two people decide to explore a physically intimate relationship, I believe you have every right to ask whatever you want. You know, and certainly not to badger someone and to confront someone and to interrogate someone, but the same time you have every right to have questions answered so you can feel safe in the relationship. And that's something I truly encourage. In fact, when I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work, chapter one is speak your truth. Just do it in a kind way. And when you're fearful of speaking your truth, you are giving him your power. And that is not attractive and a high quality man, an emotionally healthy man will not adore you. And it's gonna make it challenging to meet that person. Number three, I see this happens for those of you who've had relationships that ended is you make it all about the other person. In other words, how they might have used you, how they might have mistreated you. And to the extent that I'm not suggesting you don't share those feelings and frustrations, but the same time when you hyper focus about him instead of redirecting that attention towards yourself. And what I mean by attention for yourself is loving on yourself and let that person is gone. So they shouldn't be taking up real estate in your head. And if they're taking up real estate in your head, then you've given them your power. And that is not very attractive to any new suitor if it remains in your consciousness. And the reality is these days, most everybody has had multiple relationships. And because of that, there's a lot of real estate those people are taking up in many people's heads. And then when you enter into the dating process, you're not entering with beginner's mind. In some cases, many women are operating from place of bitterness, jadedness, sadness. And that's also giving your power away to a man. Number four, waiting for him to always initiate contact or worse, waiting for him to initiate contact for some sort of validation. You know, I get this habitually, you know, why didn't he call me? Why doesn't he send me a good morning text? Well, it's a two-way street for everybody. You know, it's not the man's job to constantly be in communication. Again, as I said earlier, this should be a two-lane street. It should be that you parked your cars in the garage and you're making mutual effort and you can take turns driving each other's car. And yet sadly, there is this expectation because the need for constant communication these days, and it's because there isn't a level of trust built in the relationship. There isn't a level of safety that's been built in the relationship. So when we become dependent on just some sort of contact, instead of really having deeper conversations in the early get-go, then it's no wonder we have a problematic dating and relationship. Environment that we live in today. And so I encourage you that relationships are a two-lane street. In other words, you mutually make effort with one another. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Oh, for some of you, you stopped doing your pre-relationship life. The things you did before you met this person, you stopped because you're in this relationship. And that's not healthy for either person. I know I'm guilty of this, even in my most recent significant relationship. I abandoned some of my previous practices. I'm gonna take ownership of that. And I was caught up in la-la land and we all get a pass on being in that space. So at the same time, when we do that, we show up as less of a partner in this dynamic. And that's not very attractive when we've done that to any future partner. Feeling like, by the way, giving your power away also to a previous relationship is you feeling like if he doesn't love you, you have no worth. He doesn't love you have no worth. You certainly have worth. You have plenty of worth. You are enough. Sadly, we are suffering from, I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. So many humans are suffering in this area. And it's no wonder there's so much discord out there in the dating, mating, and relating realm. And when we give our power to another, meaning they have to love us for us to feel good about ourselves, then it's not the reminder. It should be the catalyst for redirecting yourself into loving yourself. And we're going to talk about what loving yourself looks like in a moment. And lastly, when you think this is the only person you'll ever have the best sex in your life and you'll have the best chemistry. I've observed a number of people who have had multiple relationships and after each one ended, they thought that the previous one was the best they ever had until they did some healing work they did some emotional clearing and they put themselves back out there and they found someone that was even better than the previous one. So just remember that if you're single right now and you had a relationship that seemed to be perfect on it to some degree, just remember that is certainly possible for you in the future. That is certainly possible for you in the future. So when it comes to meeting a high quality guy, quality guy, quality guy, remember we said quality is a person that stands in their power and they treat a relationship with mutual respect. I think it's important to focus not on the effort of trying to find someone. And let me just be clear when I say that and I wrote something down. There's a subtle line between making effort and desperately making effort. Let me repeat that. There's a fine line between making effort and desperately making effort. And the line in between that the line in between is non attachment to the outcome. Sadly, when we give attachment to the outcome that's another way we give our power away. So if we want to meet people in this dating realm, I'm not here to suggest that we don't we discontinue, for example, dating apps. Dating apps happen to be the most popular way people are meeting here. At the same time, if you're going to make that effort, I highly encourage you to do it from a detached place. Like you would maybe a work assignment. We could be very attached to the work we do. So being from a detached place in other words you make effort you might spend 20-30 minutes a day looking at profiles sending out emails or responding to emails, spending a little bit of time excuse me with no attachment to the outcome. Let's take it another step. We manifest someone. Are you familiar with the term manifestation? Yeah. Conjure someone up. Remember B-Witch used to wiggle their nose and something would magically appear. How do we manifest someone? How do we manifest someone in our lives? Well, I think first and foremost is to be relationship ready to be relationship ready. What does it mean to be relationship ready? Well, I think first coming back to what I said earlier is clearing your past healing or healed from your past relationships and certainly if you're suffering from some childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas then it's imperative to heal from those spaces as well because sadly how we were raised creates our personality how we were raised creates who we are as individuals and sometimes that creates negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our life and because of that oh and also let's not even forget attachment style and the Amago. I want to mention two books folks you know me I'm going to recommend these books I'm going to recommend Attach by Amir Levine and getting the love Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt why I'm recommending these two books when you understand your patterning of how we choose relationships then we're better prepared to make better choices in the dating, mating and relating process because first is being relationship ready second is vetting the person and along with vetting is really understanding who is compatible with you you know I said and by the way I'm here to raise my hand this is not easy work this is not easy work determining who's compatible with you and vetting having being discerning being discerning is not easy especially when we feel like we're swimming in a limited pool of potential suitors right when you feel like there's so few to choose from that when you got a live body you're like well let me I've got this live body and we're attracted to one another let's make this work and sadly they lack you don't share the same values with one another sadly your lifestyles aren't blendable with one another and sadly one or both of you are lacking the emotional maturity of the relationship skills to actually make a relationship flourish so recognizing that relationship readiness as I said in the early stages is going to help better prepare you to meet a quality person in your life that will adore you number two getting real clear getting real clear on who's really compatible with you in the areas of values lifestyle and emotional maturity and vetting for that discernment as I frequently say and if you need some support with that hey reach out to me to schedule a discovery call to see if working with the coach is right for you that's my area of expertise is to help you become more discerning because the third phase is actually getting out there and making effort to be seen by single eligible people think about this for a moment folks how often are we physically in front of single eligible people in our given daily lives now for someone like me to work from home that's infrequent that's where maybe a dating site actually has some benefit or also maybe you have activities in your life maybe you're in a meetup group maybe you're in some sports like pickleball or something like that seems to be the most popular thing going right now maybe you're into music maybe you're into yoga maybe you're into healing meditation retreats maybe you're into personal development start spending more time doing the things you love being with like minded people because that increases your chances of being seen because that piece the fact is is attraction attraction is such a challenging thing to really identify and what I mean to say is we feel when there's first physical attraction with someone certainly there's another thing called energetic attraction with another human being and the challenging pieces we don't necessarily as a society spend enough time with people to feel that with another person now for some people they're in a work environment where they get that opportunity or maybe they're part of a group and they get that opportunity but this is really one of the challenging things and also and this is and I say this because I'm guilty of this is what I'm about to share as well I think there needs to be I would say flirting skills is probably something most people are poor at doing and I think flirting is that spiciness it's like lighting a match you know for keeping the candle lit you know it's like when you can flirt you can keep that candle lit and I'd say most people have weak skills in this area and you know sense of humor plays a part in this flirtingness and sometimes people have differing sense of humor and they have different flirting skills and they butt heads with one another I think flirting is part of that romance piece and I did it very subtly because I don't believe romance should be a way of two people entering into a relationship I think romance should be reserved for those who are already in a relationship I think that is what keeps a relationship long lasting in fact you know the fourth piece in this puzzle is do you know how to maintain and make a relationship thrive do you have the tools do you have the tools and what I mean to say is good communications tools for example I highly recommend reading nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg I am still scratching the surface at getting better at being more articulate with my thoughts and my feelings this is not easy work folks this I mean to meet and create a long lasting relationship takes a lot of inner work and we call this self love because it is about self esteem self confidence self reliance self determination that is all wrapped up in the self love and most importantly self love is not beating yourself up for not being perfect not beating yourself up for not feeling good enough not feeling lovable not feeling likeable and just like you'd want to give a hug to a little child we all have a little child inside of us that needs love and that's what self love is all about is nurturing the little kid inside of us because when we can reach a point of genuinely and this is not easy and I think this is a lifelong journey when we begin to accept ourselves for who we are and come from a heart centered place of just being sincere being vulnerable being authentic being transparent we become a better manifestor for the type of relationship we want because we embody what we want to experience from someone else and as I said earlier when someone's retaining their power the best they can and they have mutual respect for one another I think that's where adoration that's where love truly resides food for thought anyway hey I'd like to hear your thoughts on this please post a comment below if this resonated with you have something to share as always please hit that like button please share this video please subscribe to my channel and if you're part of my group called midlife love mastery send folks to my website jonathanazley.com have them click the group coaching button and I'm going to sign off this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now bye bye