 Well hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan Astley of JonathanS.com and I'm so excited to be doing this short video for you today. We're going to talk about what you can say to a guy to make him just make he'll be thinking about you all the time. He can't help himself think about you when you do this okay when you say this. Alright really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos and if any time during this video this content resonates with you please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly these are my weekend videos I shoot on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called Midlife Love Mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you ask I shoot personalized videos just for you so check out the link below to my VIP group. Alright we're going to talk about what you can say to a guy to make him think about you he'll be thinking about you a lot. Now I think it's important to address some of the bigger issues going on in today in the dating realm because it is a real train wreck out there to be dating. I know so many people feel a significant amount of frustration a significant amount of anxiety a significant amount of just like lack of hope and this is true of men and women alike this isn't singular to women this is true for men as well it is very difficult today to really connect with someone because these days for the most part and this is the sad part we're meeting total strangers and I want you to think back to you know hundreds of years ago most of the time when people made it it was in the the town the village they lived in and as we progressed into here at least in the United States when we progressed into the 40s 50s and 60s it might have been in college or it might have been in your work environment where you met someone and why I'm sharing this with you going back to the idea of strangers is most likely there was this strong sense of familiarity between two people there was this sense that we were very similar to one another that we might have shared our same values and because we were in the same proximity with one another our lifestyles could blend together and for those who follow my work you know about my relationship iceberg I won't be pulling up the sheet today but just like an iceberg there's the tip of the iceberg and that's the chemistry piece and below the iceberg is where compatibility lies and as I started to share shared values blendable lifestyles and more importantly emotional maturity emotional maturity and so today the reason why dating is so frustrating for many is as I said we're meeting total strangers because we use our devices do I have my phone here we use our devices to connect with people now the benefit of that is we would connect with people who wouldn't otherwise be in our orbit in our orbit and by the way for those that believe or meeting organically is better here's the thing folks you can meet people organically that are narcissists that are sociopaths that are borderline personality that are bipolar personality disorder and they literally are riddled with flaws so you can meet them organically or you can meet them online okay you know human beings are flawed are flawed it's just a part of the journey each person has their own journey to what I believe is inner peace because sadly most people are suffering on the inside of I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable and this is true of men and women alike now I know from a dating perspective when you see incredibly successful men that have bravado and they come on strong and because they have the financial resources you know that might seem incredibly attractive and certainly if you're an ego based person whether you're man or woman if you're operating from an ego from predominantly from ego you're going to be highly attracted to that type of personality but that doesn't mean that they're any more qualified to be in a relationship in fact most humans have weak relationship skills think about that I mean right off the bat here in the United States we have a 50% divorce rate and by the way I would suspect those other 50% that are not divorced are probably half of those people are in miserable relationships because they don't have the skills to actually really build a relationship with someone this is why I continually recommend to my clientele read the book 8 dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman read this book so you can understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship because for a guy to think about you all the time so you can be on his mind that he cares about you it starts from being in a place of emotional mature excuse me yes emotional maturity and if I really so first off it well it requires to be emotionally mature and at the same time what are most humans lacking emotional safety emotional safety I want you to really think about this we're blessed now to live in a time where we don't have to think about our physical safety I mean I could only imagine what it was like a thousand years ago where you had to be a constant edge to worry about whether or not the tiger is going to eat you or that the enemy clan was going to come and take you know you know kill every every man and take every woman and child away I mean imagine what it must have been like to live in that environment I think watching Game of Thrones makes me think about that frequently among some of the other shows out there and I'm laughing but also in a sad way well actually in a beneficial way we don't live in that type of environment anymore where we're worried about our physical safety and so this what's happening today in our dating mating or relating realm is really to feel emotionally safe with someone and how can we feel emotionally safe with someone when we're meeting total strangers this is why I continually now and recommending this new book for everyone called talking to strangers talking to strangers by Malcolm Gladwell what you should know about the people you don't know folks the day that the current dating rhetoric is so hyper focused on chemistry and attraction and romance as a way to hook someone you know there's this almost for some women not all thankfully but for a big percentage of women you have this grand expectation of being romanced which certainly feels good when someone is devoting a ton of energy to you especially on the first date when they're giving you tons of energy and I don't mean from a love bombing perspective or or a dominant perspective I'm just saying they are genuinely you know wanting to make you happy that can feel good that certainly sounds great but what's the motivation when somebody is operating from that place are they operating from a place of did they want to have sex with you are they looking to form a healthy happy relationship and it takes time it takes roughly about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the layer first layer of trust and remember I said earlier emotional safety is where we're struggling with today because most humans aren't spending that hundred hours getting to actually know one another it's the the the dating rhetoric is hyper focused on attraction and romance and not intimacy intimacy into me you see into me you see and it requires being at least my invitation forever when it requires being radically honest with one another which is why I'm now recommending this book emotional safety emotional intimacy so you can actually understand what intimacy is because these days I got to tell you people are dating with this kind of premise how's your day going I hope you're having a good day did you have a good day I hope you have a blessed day I'm being I know this is sound this rhetoric you're probably getting tired of it but it's because everything is above the surface and not below the surface of actually getting to know someone in a truly heart-centered way so I recently shared a couple in a couple live streams and I'm now posted the clips by the time this is I'm recording this ahead of time by the time this is premiered I shared with you I shared with my audience about a woman I recently met online and what's interesting to me a couple things I shared a lot I shared my anxiety and I it's fascinating to me what I'm experiencing and I'm just recognizing that as much work as I do on myself I'm still a human being riddled with flaws I am riddled with grand expectations I experience many of the same frustrations that many of you are experiencing whether it's a man or a woman so I'd like to share these with my audience to get an understanding that human beings aren't perfect and the current dating rhetoric is so hyper focused on trying to change who you are as a person change who you are as a person instead of actually appreciating who you are as a person and growing from the inside out this is why I continually recommend my book what the heck is self-love anyway what the heck is self-love anyway by the way there's a link to all the books I recommend because ultimately it's not about being mated with someone else and I apologize for the grinding noise outside it's not about being mated with someone else it's about learning to be mated with yourself because it starts with the tribe of one yourself and then the next part of your tribe is your mate is your mate and this is why coming back to and I'll lean into what the answer is to this this video in just a moment what's gonna make a guy think about you non-stop finding that mate where you share the same values where your lifestyles can blend together and most importantly are they emotionally mature I'm gonna share it in a second but really quickly my t-shirt is the Partridge family I you know for those who follow my by the way if you like this shirt please post a comment below I like to change these up every video it's kind of like one of my signatures I'm always a big Partridge family fan I loved Shirley Jones had a crush on her and when I was growing up anyways coming back to this conversation hmm by the way a gift from one of you sweet ladies out there thank you for this Nemo come on guys so appreciate it so appreciate let's go swimming Dory so I was sharing a moment ago about a date I had and what I appreciated about something that happened on the date and this is getting me to think about her quite a bit was after you know in the beginning of the date she said that she thought I looked much better than my photographs which I really do appreciate and I felt the same about her as we started to get to know one another she said something to me that really resonated with me it really kind of hooked me and she said I like you Jonathan I like you she said I like you Jonathan and I got to tell you I stood up taller and I felt more you know more empowered when I heard that because when somebody says the words I like you it's like saying I admire you it's like saying I respect you it's like saying I appreciate you I appreciate you when somebody says I like you to a person and I don't mean just from it didn't feel like a you know I'm she put me in the friend zone I think what she was really saying is I like you as a person I like you as a person do you remember earlier when I said the number one emotional health issue for most humans is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable to want to be liked is what many people are thirsty for men and women alike to be liked for who they are not to have to change who you are to make someone like you to be liked for who you are and this is by the way what I'm sharing is I said the same things to her actually I said the exact same thing to her not as a response to her I said it later because I I really said I admired what you've accomplished in your pet professional life I truly respect what you've done and I appreciate your kindness to me I admire you I respect you I appreciate you you know for a healthy happy relationship to form these days it requires what's known as the four a's the four a's and I'm gonna quickly jump into this because this is so critically important to really build to build a bond with someone during those first hundred hours to build it so strong that you want to stay together that you think about each other all the time the four a's attention affection appreciation and acceptance attention when you give someone your undivided attention you're not on your phones all the time you're not thinking about this you're not thinking about you're in your you're present with a human being attention affection to be touched I mean humans are craving physical touch right now I know some of you are all paranoid because of COVID I mean listen if you're gonna meet someone for a date you're gonna be you know in close proximity then don't be afraid I don't mean on a first date you have to touch someone but certainly once you start forming a relationship touch is so important we humans are craving physical touch in fact most people's top-love language when these one two or three is physical touch certainly I know this is true for men and women alike attention affection appreciation to genuinely say thank you beyond thank you I appreciate you for who you are I appreciate what you do for me do you know men's one of men's biggest complaints after divorce is they felt unappreciated in their marriage especially those men that were provider protectors you felt so unappreciated and lastly accepted for who they are you want to be accepted for who you are men want to be accepted for we are there's an old saying men marry women hoping they don't change and women marry men hoping they change folks when we get to midlife we are grooved in I mean we are grooved in I mean I mean many people are set in their way so the expectation for someone to be different is setting yourself up for failure because ultimately what men and women alike want to feel accepted and so if you're not if you really want to build a healthy happy relationship with someone I highly recommend reading the book how to make love all the time by Barbara D'Angelo's this is a great roadmap to build that deeper intimacy that builds that bond together that makes it difficult to break and so it starts by leaning in with the simple phrase I like you which conveys I admire you I respect you and I appreciate you and I would also include those words in your conversations I admire you I respect you I appreciate you because that's going to make a man feel good about himself and by the way folks and let me just say this this isn't about making a man feel good about himself he should be doing the exact same things with you everything I share in my videos is a two-lane street you are both making effort mutually because the current dating rhetoric is set up by is set up for failure all you do is sit back in your feminine energy and a guy is supposed to claim you that's not working folks what's going to work is mutual effort with one another we need to I'd like to encourage everyone to throw out the old dating book and start from a new premise now I recognize this is very hard because I say said before we're meeting total strangers and we don't feel emotionally safe this is why it's imperative to do a better job asking questions before you ever start to engage in a relationship and by the way check out the link below to a free discovery call with me because my area of expertise is learning how to what I call pre qualify your prospect pre qualify your prospect is he worthy to even make that investment for the first day and when you learn the skills based on your personality which questions to ask you can eliminate a lot of the wrong guys way sooner and you get to be teed up using a golfing reference you get to be teed up for the right guy much quicker so check out that link to a free discovery call okay so just to wrap this up I invite you all to start being more intentional in the dating process and it starts by you know really recognizing is this person and they have to be worthy of it too for you to say I like them and if they are don't be afraid to speak up because here's the thing if it's sincere and from the heart you really can't say the wrong thing to the right guy and that's my invitation for you going forward are you with me if you are give me a thumbs up or post a comment below all right we're gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna actually get to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear teddy bear or a pillow and give it to them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now