 The Kraft Foods Company presents The Great Gilder Sleeves. Have you heard the news about Kraft's natural cheddar cheese? It's called K-Brand Natural. K-Brand will delight you folks who love a superb quality cheddar cheese. Delicious! Mellow! Yes, K-Brand is really something to get excited about. Listen for more about K-Brand cheese later. Did you ever have one of those days when everything seemed to go wrong right from the start? Well, that's the kind of a day it's been for The Great Gilder Sleeves. He got up this morning, he shaved, he got dressed, and for two cents he'd have gone right back to bed. But instead he dragged himself down the breakfast to gloomie and disgruntle. There sat his niece and nephew smirking. Smirking about what? He'd speak to them later after he'd had his coffee. Beside his plate lay the morning paper. He picked it up. And there on the front page... There hits a laxity in city department. Commissioners to punch time clock, he warned. Charging widespread laziness and inefficiency in administration of city departments. There to Williger today promised a clean sweep before next year's primary. Certain commissioners, said his honor, throwing fat and lazy in political sinecures have taken to keeping bankers hours around here. I think it would be a healthy thing if they were required to punch a time clock, like other people. Chief among the departments which need jacking up. The mayor let it be known is the... Honky! What are you going to do, Honky? Honky, where are you going? Honk! Mr. Gilder Sleeves, ain't you... Sleeve Royce, what's come over your uncle? Don't ask me, there's a thing on the paper. He's terribly upset, birdie. You better run up after him. Yes, maybe I better. Honky, Honky, wait! Booker, morning birdie. Come in, sir. Morning, Marjorie, Leroy. Good morning, Judge. Time you children were leaving for school, isn't it? Is your uncle at home? I ask if your uncle was at home. You tell him, Marge. Well, yes, he's at home, Judge, but the thing is he's gone back to bed. Well, real gentleman of leisure. Evidently, your uncle has not seen the mayor's remarks about him in the morning paper. Oh, he saw him all right. That's why I went back to bed. I failed to follow your uncle's reasoning. The mayor charges him with loathing on the job, so his solution is to... Well, wouldn't you get mad after you've worked hard all your life to have the mayor come out and say a thing like that? He says he won't go back to work until the mayor apologizes. Boy, Elk really told him off. He really told him. Didn't he, birdie? He told us. Marge went up and tried to talk with him, and all he knew was... You heard all this, birdie? I reckon everybody in the block must have heard it, Judge. And you was telling the world. I'm terribly worried about him, Judge. He's locked himself in his room up there. No, he won't talk to anybody. Yeah, he's mad at everybody. What if we do? He ain't mad at Julie wrong. He's just mad at the world. Well, has anybody tried reasoning with it? We all have. Marge tried first. It's no use, Judge. He keeps saying nobody appreciates him. That's right. You try to argue with him, and he just keeps yelling, All right! They think they can get along without me. Let him try. Just let him try. He's not himself, Judge. Sounds exactly like himself to me. Well, I'll go up and have a talk with him. I warn you, Judge. He won't talk to you. He won't talk to anybody. He'll talk to me. Gildy. Oh, Gildy. It's Horace, Gildy. I'd like a word with the old man. Gildy! I know you're in there. I hope you're listening. Because I should just like to say this, my friend. I think you're acting like a perfect being. You won't get nowhere just sweet talking him, Judge. All right. Stay in there. Like a spoiled baby. The feelings are hurt. Got to have an apology. Well, Judge? Marjorie, you have a stubborn uncle. You're not kidding. Well, what are we going to do? We've got to do something. You know Uncle Morty'll never give in. What can you do with a man like that? There he is out on a limb and soaring away for dear life. Now, let's see. Who is next here? I think this gentleman. No, no, after you, Madam. I'd like a word with you when you're free, Pee-Pee. Wait on the lady first. Quite a rush today. There was a lady in this morning, too. Well, Madam? I want to return a duck. A duck? Yes. Oh, well, I wonder if you could lift that shopping bag up here for me, young man. Why, certainly. There you are. Thank you. About this duck, Madam, you're quite sure you bought it in here? Do you see we don't ordinarily handle it? Of course I bought it here. Just a minute now. I can get these groceries out of here. Hold that, will you, young man? Only too happy. And can you hold this, too? Gladly. Must be down at the bottom. Can you hold another? Go right ahead, pile them up. If you don't mind my asking, Madam, just what seems to be the matter with this duck? It won't work. Won't work? Well, I'll show you. Just shove it under my chin. All right, I've got it now. There. Oh, it toyed that. Well, what did you think? I bought it from a grandchild for Easter, and now I want my money back. Well, just what seems to be the... It's no good. You can see for yourself. It's supposed to waddle and beat the drum. When I got it home, it wouldn't beat the drum. Now it won't even waddle. Hmm. And you bought this last Easter, you say? Yes. That was some time ago. Well, I can't be running back and forth with ducks all the time. Well, ordinarily we don't accept return merchandise after 30 days. Well, if you're going to sell bum ducks. Madam, this pharmacy sells only quality merchandise. You call that quality merchandise a duck that won't even waddle? Stop arguing, PV, and give her her money back. These bundles are getting heavy. You're quite sure you wound the duck? Certainly I wound it. Try it yourself. Well, we take the customer's word. Let me see the price on this. I paid 78 cents. Must be a price marker somewhere. I'm telling you, it was 78 cents. Price will usually be marked under the tail. Is that what you call it? PV, my arms are getting tired. Ah, here it is. 78 cents. Just what I told you. We take the customer's word. There you are, Madam. 75 and 3 is 78. Thank you very much and call again. Now, judge. Madam, your groceries. Oh, lucky thing you remembered them, young man. I was up to my ears in them. How could I forget? Now, judge. Wait until she goes, PV. Good day, Mrs... Hmm, hurry now, duck. Forget the duck. Never did want to handle those ducks. Every one of them has come back. But if you wanted cleansing tissue in those days, you have to buy ducks. I don't know what the pharmaceutical profession is coming to. Tin duck, look at the thing. I wish you'd forget it. There are important things to worry about. Our friend Gildersleeve has gone and gotten himself in trouble. Mr. Gildersleeve? With the mayor. You saw the item in the paper this morning, I suppose? Yes, I did. Well, Gildersleeve has done a very stupid thing. He went off half-cocked as usual. Instead of apologizing to the mayor, he's taken the position that the mayor should apologize to him. Refuses to go near his office, in fact, until he does. Mr. Gildersleeve is quite a fellow. Well, it's not very amusing, PV. This quick cost him his job, if the big boob only knew it. Well, everybody knows Mr. Gildersleeve. He talks a lot, but I'm sure when he understands the situation... That's just it. You can't tell a man anything. He's gone and locked himself up in his room. Wants the mayor to come to him on bended knee. I always liked Mr. Gildersleeve. But he always was a little big for his britches. Well, what are we going to do, PV? Well, that's fine to say. Now, you're a sensible fellow. He listens to you sometimes. If he listened to anybody, what we ought to do is to let him go ahead and hang himself. Well, I wouldn't say that. After all, he is a friend of ours. A friend of yours, maybe. And a member of the Jolly Boys. The Jolly Boys. Why don't we put this up to the Jolly Boys? What are you doing tonight, PV? Now, never mind. You're coming to the Jolly Boys. The song goes, Don't be jolly, and you know that an important part of a jolly good time is good food. That's why we suggest you have plenty of Kraft's latest cheese triumph on hand. This modern cheese masterpiece is called K-Brand Natural. That's K-A-Y, K-Brand. And here's what it is. A delicious natural cheddar with a mellow, rich flavor, the tender, meaty texture that real cheese experts love. But this natural cheddar is made from pasteurized milk. Do you say pasteurized milk? That's right. Every drop of milk that goes into K-Brand's natural cheese is carefully pasteurized. Furthermore, K-Brand ages in the new way, too. Every big ten-pound bar cures to a mellow goodness in its own transparent wrapper. 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How about a little two-handed poker? Now, Floyd. That's not much of a game. Let's wait. Play the piano some more. Don't sound bad at all. Sounds better if there's a quartet to drown it out. Say, if the other guys don't show up, I've got an idea. Now, Floyd. We wouldn't have to be out later or anything. I told Hazel I'd be home by 11. Besides, she's got some kind of a fifth sense or something. Anyhow, I'm only thinking of somebody coming. Yeah? Ahoy, there. Ahoy, Jolly Boys. Gosh, I thought you guys would never get here. Well, it's only 8.20. Phoebe, where are the cokes? I told Phoebe we wouldn't need any cokes this evening. We've got work to do. Work? Work. What kind of a club is this? It's a poor club, Floyd, that never accomplishes anything. We've got a job to do, that's all. What kind of a job? Well, perhaps I'd better explain. No use taking off your muffler, Phoebe. We'll be leaving in a minute. What's this all about anyway? I am about to explain. Our friend Gildersleeve is sulking in his tent. How's that, Judge? You all saw the article about Gildersleeve in this morning's paper? Oh, yeah, I tried to call him up. You know, for laughs. I was gonna tell him I was the mayor. But you were unable to reach him on the phone. Yeah, how did you know? Gildersleeve didn't go to work today. As soon as he saw the article, he went back to bed. No fooling. Well, he did. I received at 6.40 p.m. from Leroy. Gildersleeve was still in bed. Refusing food? Refusing to talk to anybody? Refusing to go back to work? Until the mayor apologizes. Until the mayor apologizes? I don't believe I get Mr. Gildersleeve's angle there. Ah, well, it's his business. And to Wilger may be dumb enough to apologize. Ah, why don't we play a little poker? Phoebe, run back to the store and get some coax. You don't seem to comprehend, Floyd. Mayor to Wilger told me straight out that if Gildersleeve isn't at his desk at 9 tomorrow, he'll get himself a new commissioner. So what are we supposed to do? Gildersleeve will go to work. Don't worry. No, he won't. He's just that stubborn. And I say it's up to us to save his job. Wow, Judge. By explaining to him as his best friends, that he's taking the wrong attitude. We are his friends, aren't we? Well... I presume so. Certainly. We're fellow Jolly Boys. Gee, I didn't join this club to wet nurse a water commissioner. I joined so I'd have some place to go besides stay home. Floyd, do you realize that Christmas is only a week off? What's Christmas got to do with it? The Christmas spirit. Christmas is, well, you know, peace on earth, and I will toward men. It's certainly a time when Jolly Boys have got to stick together. Am I right, P.V.? Well, there are only six shopping days left. There's no you standing here arguing. I'm for going over to Gildersleeve's and see what we can do. All in favor? Hi. Hi. Some club. I will join the Book of the Month. Oh, come on, let's get going. Hey, poker over there. Got his light on, I see. Still there, I guess. Did you ring the bell, Jane? Yes, I rang the bell. Imagine him laying in the sack like that all day. A big joke. Now, Floyd, that's no way. If we're going to be helpful, we... Good evening, Bertie. I brought some of Mr. Gildersleeve's friends. Well, sure enough. Come on in, Judge. Come on in, everybody. Good evening. Good evening, Bertie. Hi, Bertie. Hey, Judge, who... Oh. What's the matter? I thought maybe you brought the mayor to apologize. It's not going to be so easy, I'm afraid. Any new developments, Bertie? Worse than more of it, Judge. I took a tray up and set it outside his room. It's uppertime, but he never touched it. Gee, that don't sound like the commissioner. Did he know it was there? Yes, sir. I rattled the dishes and then I hollered through the door. No answer. Yeah, I crammed the gravy in front of a keyhole and it really smelled it. Nothing happened. You sure he didn't sneak out and snitch a piece of bread or something? No, sir, I counted. Well, this is serious. Are you sure he's... I mean... Oh, don't worry. Gildersleeve will never knock himself off. Lloyd, for heaven's sake. There's a child here. What did I do? He isn't dead. We can hear him moving around every once in a while. Lloyd, he's been up there listening. Oh, good evening, ma'am. Hello, George. Mr. Peggy. Mr. Munson. Good evening. Hi, Margie. Good evening. Who is that you, Chief? I didn't know you without your uniform. Well, I'm off duty. I like to wear sports clothes. Tell me, is there any change in the, uh, situation? No. I heard him move around a little when he rang the doorbell, but then he got back in bed. That's right. I heard him taunting around up there. Well, we've just got to explain the facts of life to him, right? What do you think? Should we all go up together? Plus four, we ain't going to serenade him. I think, I think if one of us would simply explain the situation, how about you, Judge? He has great respect for you. Ah! Now, Leroy. The judge tried it this morning. That's true. And while I have stronger arguments now, since talking to the mayor, I still think that perhaps, uh, one of the others... What do you mean about stronger arguments, Judge? Well, uh... The mayor said he'd throw him out on his ear. Floyd. You mean he might get fired? No, not Leroy. There's no reason to be alarmed. You mean he might lose his job and he might not get paid anymore? Not exactly. He, uh... You have nothing to worry about, Mervoy. You and Marjorie will always have a ruck over your head. Who wants a ruck? He hasn't done his Christmas shopping. He hasn't even bought my mother a plane yet. Now, Leroy, your uncle isn't going to lose his job. That's right, Leroy. I was only kidding. Why don't you go to bed, my boy? I will in a minute. Don't worry about your uncle. Why don't you shut up, Floyd? You've said enough already. I... Ah, for the love... Ah, this whole thing gives me a pain. Look, let me go up there and talk to Gilda's sleeve. All right. Fine. If you're sympathetic. That's right, Floyd. You've got to be sympathetic. And tactful. I am tactful. Go on. Sit down in the parlor. I'll have him down here one minute flat. Well, if he comes down, let me know. Will you please, Judge? Because if he does, he'll want to eat immediately. I'll let you know, Bertie. Well, he might as well go in and sit down, I guess. There. Well, I suppose you children are looking forward to the holidays. Yes, Judge. Do you think Anki will listen to Mr. Munson? It's hard to say what your uncle will do, my dear, in his present mood. We'll just see. I hope Floyd don't gum it up. Floyd's pretty cagey. Well, I don't know. Maybe you should have gone, Peavey. I think Floyd will bring home the bacon. I'm doubtful. You've got to deal just so with Gilda's sleeve. It's an art in itself. I won't deny that. You've just got to tell him. You've got to tell him just... Hey, here's Floyd going back. He certainly didn't take long. Maybe he said just the right thing. Maybe he did. Well, Floyd, what's the good word? I give up. I positively give up, that's all. No, it's not as bad as all that. I was afraid you wouldn't get the right approach, Floyd. What'd you say? Were you sympathetic? Sure. I told him if he didn't go to work tomorrow, the mayor was going to fire him. You call that tactful? I told you to be sure and be tactful. Well, I saved the tactful part for later. And what was your tactful approach? I asked him if he wanted to play poker. Well, that's a good idea, just friendly. Sure. I told him we had a game down here and wouldn't he like to sit in? He didn't answer. And I told him we only had four players and the game was no good without him. No answer. So then I said if he'd come down, we'd let him play spit in the ocean every time was his deal. He didn't even answer that, so I walked out. Well, I'll be darned. It's not going to be easy, gentlemen. Easy. Can't be done. Well, at least we don't have to play spit in the ocean. I'd have been glad to play it. For him. Chief, why don't you go up and put this thing to a man-to-man? Oh, hell if. If you think I'm the best qualified. No question about it. You're so sincere. Well, I'll try. I appreciate your confidence, Judge. I'll try to appeal to his better nature. His what? Give him the third degree. Oh, Commissioner. Mr. Gildersleeve. It's Chief Gates, Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I'll just say what I have to say and you can act upon it as you see fit. Mr. Gildersleeve, all the members of the Jolly Boys Club are here tonight. They're here because you, a fellow member, are in trouble. We're your friends and we want to help you. And at this Christmas tide, when all mankind... At this Christmas tide, when all mankind is full of brotherly love, when the spirit of good fellowship Mr. Gildersleeve be reasonable. I only want to... My golly, if I was birdie, I'd keep him on red and water. Chief. Are you all right? Well, I tell you, Chief, it can't be done. You're right, Floyd. He's impossible. Well, now I wouldn't say that. I'd like a word with Mr. Gildersleeve if no one objects. I know where of I speak, Phoebe. I know Gildersleeve like a book. You'll be wasting your breath. Well, it's my breath, George. Now go ahead. Be careful, Phoebe. I think he's delirious. Delirious? Nothing. He's just a cantankerous jackass. That, then, he always has been. What are we going to do, Judge? My advice is to do nothing further tonight, my dear. Perhaps he'll have come to his senses by morning. If not, I'll try to convince the mayor he's sick. But what if you can't convince him? What if he calls Anki on the phone and Anki says something terrible? Would he be fired? Now, now, don't get excited. Your uncle could always get another job. Yeah? Where? I thought you'd gone to bed, Leroy. You found it? Don't worry, Leroy. Don't you worry, Marge. I'll take care of you. Nobody's going to have to take care of anybody. Of course not. As a matter of fact, we need a custodian at the department right now. What's a custodian? A janitor. Oh! Now, now, Margery, control yourself. If Marge... Oh, Marge, here he comes. Okay. Well, I'll be done. Phoebe did it. Well, sure enough, the great Gildersleeve. Yes, dear, I left a note for the milkman. Then I heard Caesar chipping, so I put some fresh water in his cage. You know, I was telling you about the little piece of psychology I pulled off with Mr. Gildersleeve this evening. Yes, sir, old Richard was pretty smart. You remember breakfast I showed you the item in the paper about Mr. Gildersleeve? Well, the darn fool decided he'd stay home till the mayor apologized to him. So he had a coax him to change his mind. You see, everybody tried. Judge Shooker, Floyd, Chief Gates. Nobody could budge him. But finally I went up to his room. I used a clever bit of psychology. You know, I've been telling you there's a lot of psychology in the pharmaceutical line. And I figured out that Mr. Gildersleeve would believe just what he wanted to believe. So what do you think I told him? I said, I'll get asleep. Oh, I never will tell her. I wonder if it was wrong to fib Mr. Gildersleeve like that. It seems to me a little fib in the right place never hurt anybody. Still, I might as well be on the safe side. But no, I lay me down to sleep. In place of the regular commercial message, the Kraft Foods Company wants me to tell you something about the Citizen Marine Corps. The Citizen Marine Corps is being recruited to provide a reserve force of specially trained citizens to discourage aggression and guard the peace. The Citizen Marine Corps offers training in highly specialized military and civilian subjects to men between the ages of 17 and 32. Special age concessions are made for honorably discharged veterans. Citizen Marine Corps members live at home, receive pay, are eligible for promotion and commissions, and enjoy the prestige and traditions of the Marine Corps. Get all the facts about this Marine Reserve organization from any Marine Corps office, or write Division of Reserve, Headquarters, United States Marine Corps, Washington, 25 D.C. Ladies and gentlemen, Harold Perry, star of The Great Gildersleeve, was absent from this performance because of illness, the first time in the history of The Great Gildersleeve. Don't think we didn't miss him as much as you did. We're happy to say that he's feeling much better this evening and will surely be with us next week. Good night. Good night. Take care of yourself. Good night, everybody. The Great Gildersleeve is played by Harold Perry. Tonight's story was written by John Whedon and Sam Moore with music by Jack Meakin. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Louise Erickson, Lillian Randolph, Earl Ross, and Richard Legrand. This is John Wald, saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of a complete line of famous quality food products. Tomorrow night, Jimmy Duranty will be Al Jolson's guest on the Kraft Music Hall heard over most of these same NBC stations. Don't miss the fun. Remember, tomorrow night, see your local paper for the exact time. And be sure to listen next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gildersleeve. Most everyone likes macaroni and cheese, especially if it's fluffy light and has a fine cheddar cheese flavor through and through. You can make macaroni and cheese just like that in only seven minutes cooking time with Kraft Dinner. Every package of Kraft Dinner contains quick-cooking macaroni and golden Kraft grated, enough to make four big servings. And mmm, mmm, it's downright delicious. So when you shop, get several packages of Kraft Dinner. It's economical, it's quick-cooking, and it makes marvelous macaroni and cheese. 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