 6th Day of the Mukbang Doodleủ Mukbang The Bolt of Luck 9 Wing Afrodom reptil editors 6th Day of thought feeling low feeling tense these hate words are common sense smoke or level best that's just how you'll feel when you light up a lucky because luck is fine tobacco picks you up when you're low calms you down when you're tense put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. It's important to know that fine tobacco can do this for you and LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco, mild, light, ripe tobacco that means real smoking enjoyment for you. So next time you buy cigarettes, remember lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the lucky level where you feel your best and do your best. Yes. Smoke a lucky to feel your level best. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow February 14th is Valentine's Day and it's also the birthday of the star of our show. So here he is, Jack Valentine Benny. Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking and Don that was very nice of you to remember my birthday. How did you ever think of it? Well, Jack a strange thing happened last night. I ate at that Chinese restaurant you recommended. Uh-huh. And Don, I hope you broke open one of those rice fortune cakes. Oh yes, I did. And the little paper said, does better to give than to receive and Monday is Jack Benny's birthday. And what did you bring me for a present Don? Well, it was too late to go shopping so I brought you a pocket full of fried rice. Too late to go shopping. I told you to have lunch there, not dinner. Anyway, Don, I'll take the rice. There's a friend of mine getting married Wednesday. Thanks very much. Well, tell me, Jack, how does it feel being a year older? Don, I don't know. It seems strange to advance another year but then on the other hand, there's something exciting about reaching 40. Yes, sir. Well, Jack, you may be 40 but I must say you look much younger. Well, Don, it's nice of you to say that but let's face it. I mean, my age is beginning to show, you know, a little wrinkle here, a gray hair there. Time marches on. Now, let's get on with the program. Oh, wait a minute, Jack, before we get into the show, I have a little surprise for you. A surprise, Don? Yes. Now, the whole audience is going to join in. All right, everybody. One, two, three. Thank you, everybody. Thanks very much. What's that? Nice, Jack. Yes, very nice, Don, but but but what? Well, I was watching one fellow sitting in the front row and he didn't sing at all. As a matter of fact, he had a frown on his face and I'm just curious to know why. Oh, Mr. Mr. Me. Yeah, would you mind coming up here on the stage for a minute? Now look, Mr. Mr. Fink. F-I-N-Q-U-E, Fink. Well, Mr. Fink, I'm just curious to know, you were the only one who didn't sing happy birthday to me. Why was that? Do you sing to me on my birthday? No, no, but then how can I? I don't even know when your birthday is. It's December the 24th and all you hear people singing is jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle all the way. Not one word about Fink. Well, that's that's too bad. Now look, Mr. Fink. If I ain't Q-U-E. I know, I know. Yeah, that's French. Yes, yes. In Paris, it's Fink K. I don't care what it is. All I want to know is if you've got this chip on your shoulder, why did you come in here in the first place? Who wanted to come in? I was standing in line for the Amos and Andy show and some guy came over and told me that they was giving away refrigerators in here. Giving away refrigerators? In radio or programs either got to give you entertainment or a refrigerator. Now, where's my icebox? You're not getting an icebox, so go sit down. Okay, okay. 12 programs this week and I still ain't got a stick of furniture. Keep quiet, please. Don, regardless of what just happened, I do appreciate it. Hello, Don. Hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Happy birthday. Well, thank you, Mary. It was awfully sweet of you to remember it. Well, Jack, I must confess that I forgot all about your birthday, but a strange thing happened. Remember yesterday when you said I looked like I was gaining weight? Yes, yes. Well, today as I came in the lobby of CBS, I stepped on the scale to weigh myself. Uh-huh. And a card came out saying you weigh 112 pounds, you are kind of dogs, and tomorrow is Jack Benny's birthday. No. I couldn't believe it either, so I put in another penny and a card came out that said, don't stand here all day, you got shopping to do. Oh, well, did you did you do it? Oh, I'll have something for you tomorrow. Good. That's my birthday anyway. And just think, Mary, tomorrow I'll be 40. 40, eh? Yes, 40. Uh, Jack, let me ask you something. What? Many years ago, you were in Vaudeville, weren't you? Yes. And many times you were on the same bill with Eddie Cantor. Yes, yes, I was. And at that time you and Cantor were the same age, weren't you? Uh-huh. Well, Jack, today Eddie Cantor admits that he's over 50. How come you're only 40? Oh, I don't know. Just lucky, I guess. Anyway, Mary, now that I'm approaching middle age, I'll have to slow down the mad social world and cut down my nightlife a little, you know? Some nightlife. You have a hamburger at Simon, squeeze the waitress's hand and then run home and dream your Errol Flynn. Errol Flynn, Errol Flynn. Mary, if you're so smart, let me ask you a question. If I was born in 1999, how old would I be today? Don't answer him, sister. He ain't giving away nothing. You keep out of this. Uh, who's that? Some guy named Fink. If I ain't killing you? I know, I know. Don't, uh, don't pay any attention to him, Mary. There's one in every audience, you know? By the way, Jack, my sister Babe wanted to send you a birthday card, but she didn't know your address, so she sent it to me. Your sister Babe? Oh, have you got the card with you? Yes, I'll read it to you. Congratulations. It's wonderful to be 40, Jack. I've been there twice and I'm coming back. Hey, say, that's kind of cute. Oh, Babe has a wonderful sense of humor. Yeah. Remember the time she painted an extra toe on your uncle's foot and he thought he had seven? Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, Mary. This is all very funny. It's very funny, but I think you've stalled long enough. Stalled? What do you mean? You know, every year on my birthday, you always give me a big kiss. Oh, well, Jack, I sort of figured now that you're getting older. Well, you might not be interested in kissing anymore. Oh, I'm not, eh? Come here and I'll show you. How was that? Thank you, Errol Flynn. Now put me down. I just wanted to show you that, uh, that being 40 doesn't... Oh, hello, Dennis. Hey, Dennis, you're just in time for your song. Okay, Mr. Benny, I'm glad I got here on time. On the way down, I had to stop off at our family doctor's office and punch him in the nose. You, uh, you punched your doctor in the nose? He had it coming. My mother told me what he did. What? When I was born, for no reason at all, he slapped me. Dennis. And my back was turned too. Let's have your song. Okay. But first, congratulations on your birthday. Oh, well, it's awfully sweet of you to remember it, kid. I never would have thought of it if you hadn't given me that ticket to the Burlesque show last night. Now, never mind, Dennis. Uh, what did the Burlesque show have to do with it? Well, a girl came out to do a dance. Her bubble broke and a sign fell out saying, Monday is Jack Benny's birthday. You must be popular. Boy, what applause you got? They whistled and everything. Dennis. What a fuss over a man's birthday. Dennis, you found out it was my birthday. That's all that matters. Now, come on, let's have your song. Okay. Gee, when I'm 40, I hope I don't look like him. What did you say? Sing, Dennis. That's better. Congratulations on your birthday. Dennis, you congratulated me already. Forget it. I tried, but I can't get that bubble dancer out of my mind. Well, force yourself. Say, uh, say, Mary. You know, Mr. Benny, it must be nice to have your birthday come on Valentine's Day. Yes, kid, but there's only one thing against it. You know, so many famous people were born in the month of February. Longfellow, Lincoln, Washington. You know, it makes it hard for me to be outstanding. I can imagine. Of course, I, uh, of course, I don't want you to think for a minute that I'm comparing myself to a man like Washington. Why not? Washington wore a wig, too. Very clever. Very clever. Did you, uh, did you make up that joke yourself, Mary? And you, uh, like that type of joke? Yeah, I thought it was very funny. I see. Hello, May Company. Handle out of the window. Mary's coming home. You better watch it, sister. Another gag like that. Hiya, Jackson. You sure look nifty, even though, Demari, you're gonna be 30. Wait a minute, Phil. Nifty doesn't rhyme with 30. I know, but it's better than breaking an old man's heart. Hiya, Liv. Hey, here you are, Jackson. I brought you a little birthday present. Well, Phil, there's really too much. I think that you of all people would remember my birthday. Well, a funny thing happened. Last night I was in a bar and I happened to look up and I saw a little sign that said Monday's Jack Benny's birthday. Uh, Phil, that was written on the ceiling? No, under the table. Do you see it? Why don't you open the present Phil gave you? Phil's present? Yeah. Okay. Oh, Phil, this is swell. What is it, Jack? One glove. Phil, why in the world would you give me only one glove? You never take your right hand out of your pocket anyway. Now, wait a minute. Hey, Jackson, look, all kidding aside, how old are you gonna be tomorrow? 40. Jackson, will you lay that on me again? I've been rehearsing my band and my ears are still folded. I said I was going to be 40. What are you talking about? You've got topes older than that. Topes? And that's a factor, Max. Paris, you may not be with Columbia, but you're the gem of the ocean. Is that a natural point on your head or are you advertising a pyramid club? I can tell some of the most often. Jack, Jack, it's getting kind of late. Don't you think we ought to get started with that hillbilly sketch we're going to do tonight? I'm glad you brought that up, Dom. We're not gonna do that sketch. From now on, we're going to do the finer type of play like they do on dramatic shows. After 17 years, about time, this show got a little class. Well, Dad, if you want to class things up a little, next week, I'll have the band wear tuxedo. Well, if you can just get them to tuck in their shirts, I'll be happy. Anyway, kids, from now on, we're going to do a higher class of comedy. The kind that... Happy birthday, Mr. Benny. Huh? That bubble dance is driving me nuts. Dennis, go sit down. Jack, what do you want to change your program for? Well, Don's right. Last week, you tried to get on the Ford Theater with Claudette Colbert and Vincent Price, and you know what happened. That's your Markle, the director, thought you were terrible. Oh, he did, eh? Well, if Mr. Markle thought I was so terrible, why did he give me a contract to appear on the Ford Theater March 4th? No kidding, Jackson. You going to be on the Ford Theater? Yes, sir, on March 4th. And just wait until you hear the performance I give. It'll live. It'll sparkle. It'll bubble. Anyway, kids, I've got a contract to appear on the Ford Theater March 4th, and I can't wait till I get on it. What play are you going to do, Jack? The Horn Blows at Midnight. What? You heard me. I'm going to do the Horn Blows at Midnight. You wouldn't dare. Just wait and see. Well, Jackson, that proves you must be at least 60. Why? Nobody could get that much guts in 40 years. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't care what any of you kids think. I'm going to prove once and for all that the Horn Blows at Midnight is a great story. That's telling, Mr. Benny. Thanks, Dennis. Did you see the picture? Yeah, I saw it four years ago when I was in the service. Oh, did the Navy show my picture to the boys? No, to the Japs, but I snuck in. All right. You can all say what you want to, but I'm going to do the Horn Blows at Midnight. Now you're talking. My wife saw that picture and it was wonderful. It was, Mr. Fink? Yeah, they let her in for nothing and they gave her four sets of dishes. Well, why didn't you go? I'm holding out for an icebox. Oh, yes. Yes, I forgot. Now, kids, getting back to the show that I'm going to do- Oh, say, Jack, before you go any further, I think it's time for the song by the quartet. Oh, yes, that's right. The sportsman here. Yeah. Come on in, fellas. Now, Jack, these boys want to dedicate this number to you on the happy occasion of your birthday because this song has been associated with you for years. Well, that's very nice, Don. Come on, fellas. Take it. And it'd be the sun that's so much fun when you are out on a hike. Oh, that's beautiful. In this joy supreme that we sing into this mic, these eight words are common sense, hat and figure level best, happy birthday, and may you always be your lamp. Well, boys, thanks very much. Hey, Mary, wasn't it nice for the quartet to sing a number just... Hey, Mary, I just thought of a wonderful joke. Mary, ask me why we have quartets here in America, but in Scotland, they only have quintets. Ask me that. Go ahead, that's it. All right, Jack, why do they only have quintets in Scotland? Because all scotch comes in fifths. Say, how about that one? Pretty good, huh? Jack, did you make up that joke all by yourself? Yeah. And you like that joke? I thought it was pretty clever. You did, eh? Hello, NBC. Leave the back door open. Blue Eyes is coming home. You try to get even with me. It didn't work. I'm staying here at CBS till something freezes over. It ain't going to be no refrigerator. Oh, Jesus! I thought he left already. Oh, say, Jack. Yes, Don? While the quartet was singing, this telegram came for you. A telegram for me? Yeah, Jack, I took the liberty of giving the boy a 25-cent tip. Oh, well, here's a nickel, Don, and you're at liberty to chase the boy for the other 20 cents. Give me the telegram. Thanks. Tia's from my sister, Florence. What did she say? She says, dear Jack, I've been listening to your program, and I thought I should send you this wire immediately. You're mistaken about your age. You're not going to be 40 years old tomorrow. You're going to be... Oh, no. No, this can't be. This is awful. Well, Jack, how old did your sister say you're going to be tomorrow? 39. Oh, my goodness. This is embarrassing. But my sister Florence ought to know, I guess instead of being born in 1999, it was 1910. Now, wait a minute, Jack. How could you be born in 1910? I happen to know that in 1917, you were in the Navy. Well, of course I was in the Navy. You think I'm a slacker? Well, how old were you then? Seven. How could you be... Now, you don't argue with me. They measured me for a uniform, cut off my curls at the same time. But, Jack, if you were only seven years old, how could you possibly get in the Navy? I owned a battleship and shut up. Anyway, this thing has got me puzzled. I'm going to call Rochester and have him look up my birth certificate. Now, sister Florence says I'm 39. I think I'm 40. I'm going to find out. Say, Mabel, what is it? Guide shows. Mr. Benny's line is flashing. Yeah, I wonder what King Midas wants now. I'll plug in and find out. Yes, Mr. Benny. Yes, I'll call your house immediately. He wants I should get him Rochester. You know what, Mabel? What? I never saw a man like Mr. Benny. He has such a split personality. On the radio, he's one type of person, and in real life, he's an entirely different type of person. Yeah, and I don't like either one of them. Well, I like him. But you know what? Last week, he tried to make me jealous by going out with another girl. Well, she's cute. Cute. You've seen her, buttons and bow legs. You're bow legs, too. When you wear white stockings, you look like the O, an honest John. Right, at least I'm commercial. Operator, Gertrude, get me my home. I'm trying. I'm trying. You know, Rome wasn't built in a day. Well, you girls ought to know you helped build it. They pay two million dollars. And now please ring my home. Okay, okay, I'm ringing it. Smart Alec, Gertrude. Take she out. She takes you out to dinner once. She thinks she owns you. Oh, well. Mr. Bellishwell's dance star stays radio in silent pictures. Rochester, it's me. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Look, what took you so long to answer the phone? Well, tomorrow's your birthday, and I was out in the kitchen finishing your cake. The cake? Yeah, you ought to see it, boys. Across the top of the whipped cream, I wrote happy birthday. Well, that's nice, Rochester. By the way, how many peas and happy? Two. Uh-oh. Oh, so you better add one. Add one? I better cross one out. I got three. You can do that later. Now, Rochester, here's why I called you. I don't know what to do. I thought tomorrow was going to be my 40th birthday. But I just got a wire from my sister, and she says I'm going to be 39. Well, don't argue with her. Boss, grab it. Rochester, I got to be honest with myself. Now, I want you to look at my birth certificate and tell me the date on it. Your birth certificate? Yeah, do you know where it is? It's right here on the desk. What's my birth certificate doing on the desk? You got it out the other day when you applied for your old age pension. Oh, I just did that for a gag. Well, it must be laughing. Your first check came today. Rochester, stop making things up. Now, look at my birth certificate. I'm looking at it. Now, in the space where it says date of birth, what's there? A hole. A hole in the paper? Yeah, we erased it once too often. Oh, well, there's nothing I can do, and I'll have to take my sister's word for it. I guess so, boss. Your sister must be right. Yep, I'm 39. Goodbye, Rochester. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. What do you laugh at, man? Are we devil's? You and me? No, me and your sister. Hi, Rochester. Good bye. You see, Lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're 10. It's good to know that fine tobacco can do this for you, and that's why it's so important that you select and smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco Lucky Strike, for as you know, L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. No wonder more independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. Yes, Lucky's are the overwhelming choice of the men who really know tobacco. So when you choose your cigarette, remember that Lucky's fine tobacco puts you on the right level to feel your best and do your best. That's the Lucky level. Feeling low. Feeling tense. Please speak for dark. You know, Mary, that was a pretty good program we just did, but I think... Hey, Penny, Penny. Huh? Oh, it's you, Mr. Fing. Yeah, don't you know some program I can go on and win a refrigerator? No, I don't. Come on, Mary. Well, I'm gonna get a refrigerator even if I have to buy one. Well, I don't care of... Buy one? Get in the car, Mr. Jack! Let him sit in front, Mary. He's more comfortable. Good night, folks. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.