 If you meet a guy and you want things to go really well with him and you're texting back and forth and you want to make sure you don't screw things up, today I'm going to talk to you about five common mistakes that women make, that you need to make sure that you don't make if you want to have a lasting committed relationship with a guy, if you want to build a real connection with him. And at the end of this video I'm going to talk about the number one dating rule that you need to follow if you want a real connection that lasts with a guy. Hi, I'm Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If this is your first time to our channel, make sure that you go and hit the subscribe button so that you don't miss any of our awesome videos that we put out and produced and I've got some really cool videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Alright, so today we're going to be talking about the five deadly mistakes that women make when texting guys and what to do about them. And so I keep getting a lot of messages from women in our community asking me about what they should be doing in texting or I'll take a look at some of the women's texts that are in our community and I'll talk to them about that and I'll look through them and figure out what's going on and I've noticed a bunch of mistakes that women seem to make that can just absolutely destroy any kind of connection that a woman has with a guy that you might have with a guy and so we're going to talk a little bit about each one of those, what it is and then what you should be doing instead. So number five, let's start with number five and then go down to number one. Number five is waiting too long to respond to a text message. So there's some other dating experts out there who have said things like, wait, double the amount of time it takes for him to respond to you, right, and you know, if you want a real, genuine connection with a man, what you need is for him to stay hooked, right. So for him to have his kind of biological drive functioning and moving forward and you want him to be excited and passionate and kind of moving things forward with you, right, like that's what you want to feel. That's what you want him to feel because that's kind of his like biological sexual drive pushing things forward and you want that to continue until he's emotionally hooked. And so if you end up waiting a long time for a guy to respond to you, what can end up happening is you can just remove all the wind from underneath his sails and what he'll end up doing is kind of losing that drive to move forward and push things forward. And a lot of times this happens with women and they're like, oh, what happened? You know, we're responding back and forth with each other and you look at it and it's like, oh, you waited two days to send him a message back or you waited five days or you waited six days. I've seen that so many times and they're like, well, what happened? It's like, you waited six days. Probably doesn't even think you're interested anymore. And so you want to make sure that he's moving forward and you don't want to pull that the rug out from under him. You don't want to make him think that you're actually not interested in him because a really good quality guy is not going to deal with that. So everybody that's here right now, make sure you say hi and let us know where you are right now in the chat. I love that stuff and you're awesome. So thank you for being here and make sure that you say hi. So we just went over number five, which is waiting too long to respond, right? You don't want to do that. You want to keep, you want to keep the intensity alive, especially in the beginning stages of the interaction. And if that intensity isn't there, you're not trying to replace it with something else, which is what the whole like waiting a long time to respond is. Obviously there's the opposite side of things as well where a lot of times girls or women will end up just like responding back immediately, right? And that can, it can be a problem too if you're kind of looking like you're like sitting there waiting by the phone or for him to text you and you're immediately texting back. And you know, and when I say that, I'm not trying to say like you should be playing a game with this, right? What I am saying is that you should have things going on in your life. You should be doing things in your life. You should have other priorities going on in your life because if you've just kind of started talking to this guy and you don't really know him that well, he shouldn't be the priority in your life, at least not yet. So all right, so that's number five, waiting too long to respond. Number four is trying to build a connection with a guy over text messages instead of meeting him in person. And I hear this from women all the time. It's like they want to build the entire relationship through text message before they meet. They want to, actually we had a woman in our community who just posted something today where she was talking about how she's been talking to this guy online for over a year now. And the guys, you know, saying that he loves her and all this stuff, they've never met before. And so I don't know what's going on in that situation totally because I haven't really analyzed everything that's going on there. However, what I can tell you is that's not a real connection. If you haven't met a guy in person, whatever is going on in your interaction, it's not a real connection, right? There might be something, maybe there's emotions getting played with. Maybe you feel something. However, if you haven't even met this person, you haven't actually interacted them live in person, had a real conversation with them, that's not a real connection. And a lot of times what women will do is, and guys will do this as well, is they'll focus on trying to build that connection up over text message because they think that that's going to trump whatever happens when they're in person or kind of build it up so that when they're in person, it's like, oh, we had such an amazing connection over text message. And what usually ends up happening instead is that you have this great connection over text message, and then all of a sudden you meet in person in real life. And all of your real stuff starts coming up, right? All the things that you have normally ends up coming up. And the interaction is vastly different than it was online or over text message. And so it's like this weird thing where it's like, oh, now we're in person and this is different and maybe this is weird and you're not responding the way that I thought you would or whatever. And so you want to focus on meeting him instead of trying to build a connection over text message, you want to focus on actually meeting him in person and live so that you can actually have a real connection with him. And obviously, if you don't feel comfortable or safe with meeting a guy, don't meet a guy, however, if you do feel comfortable and safe, which you should because if you're meeting a guy in person and in real life, you should be meeting him in places where it's a public place and it's safe and there's other people around, right? Here's another one that I've heard a few different times actually from women in our community. And it just blows my mind where these women will like go straight over to a guy's house or a guy's apartment on the first meeting. Like they've never met before and you're driving straight over to his apartment. It's crazy. I mean, you don't know anything about this guy. Oh, that's my soapbox there. The point is, is focus on the real connection, right? Focus on meeting him in person. Always make sure that you're meeting him in a safe location and with other people around. However, that's the only way you're going to have a real connection with the guy is if you actually meet him face to face in person. If you understand what we're talking about here, just say, I get it. I get it. Say I get it in the chat. Thank you, everybody that's here right now. So that was number four. Number five was waiting too long. Number four is trying to build a connection with a guy over text message instead of meeting him in person. Number three is being far too boring. So here's the thing, right? You don't necessarily need to be interesting over text message. It's not necessary, right? Text message only needs to facilitate a process of the two of you meeting in person. And so anything outside of that kind of goes into this weird area because texting can be really, really confusing for a lot of people, right? So you don't have the mannerisms that you have in person. You have to kind of do things if you make a joke for them to understand what you're saying. So if you are going to have like an actual conversation and talk about things over text message, it's important that you come off as emoting, right? Connecting, right? Because what is it that makes a man fall in love? What is it that makes a man feel hooked? What is it that makes a man stay interested in you? One thing, it's emotion. It's emotional connection. It's feeling something, right? He has to feel something in order to want things to move forward. He has to feel something in order to feel like you guys have something going on and he wants to continue the conversation and you have a connection. And so the best way to do this is to not be boring, right? If you're just like talking to him and it's kind of this like stale kind of generic conversation with him, that can be a problem if you're trying to talk to him over text message. And so the easiest way to kind of connect with him on a non-boring level, the absolute easiest way to do this is to add emojis to your conversations. So anytime you're talking to a guy and you want it to feel to him like it's more playful, more feminine, more energetic, more like you have emotions and he's triggering emotions in you and which is exactly what you want, right? Because when you're feeling, you make him feel. And so that's what your whole thing is connecting to your heart, right? Like if you want to connect to a guy's heart and you want him to feel something for you, something deeper, something more emotional, the key is connecting to your heart. And so if you're talking to a guy over text message and you want him to feel something, what you need to focus on is connecting to your heart and then expressing that, which the best way to do it is through emojis. And it's also, there's a lot of reasons to use emojis. One is that it takes the pressure off of whatever you send to him. So if you send him a joke or something like that, every time that you send him a joke, put like a laugh till you're crying emoji with it, right? Because what you're telling him is, hey, I'm joking here, right? So he reads it and he might not realize it's a joke because it's over text message. But then he ends up seeing the laugh till you're crying emoji and he's like, oh, that was a joke, right? And sometimes that's even really, really powerful because it goes through it in that way where he looks at it and he's like, whoa, wait, what was that? And then he sees the laugh till you cry emoji and he's like, oh, she was joking with me, right? There's other things that you can do, right? You can kind of like put out, even if it's not like some kind of big deal or anything, you can put something like a flower emoji or a smiley or a sun emoji, like any of those things, it's kind of, it's girly, it's fun, it's kind of flirty, it's emoting, right? It's bringing color and life and light to your text message. So don't be boring, add emojis to it, and you will have a better text messaging. He will have a better text messaging experience and it'll be better for both of you. So that was number three. Number, so number five was waiting too long to respond. Ford was trying to build a connection with a guy over text instead of meeting him in person. Number three is being far too boring. And so now we're on number two. And number two is not reassuring him after a date rejection. So one of the things that I talk a lot about is kind of this idea of rejection, right? And men a lot of times misinterpret what kind of a rejection you're giving him. So there's two kind of big categories of rejections that you can look at. One is the soft rejection, which is kind of like the no, no, not right now, not right now type of rejection. And the other one is the hard rejection, which is like, I'm not interested. Stop talking to me. Get away from me. I'm not, you know, this is not going anywhere. And so if a guy is not incredibly aggressive, then he may end up misinterpreting. And this happens all the time. He may misinterpret a soft rejection as a hard rejection. And so a lot of times what will happen over text is you'll end up, you know, things come up, right? This is, this happens with everybody. Things come up and you can't make it to a date or you can't talk to him or you can't. There's something that ends up where you can't do something, right? And instead of leaving it up to him to interpret what you mean by that and feel like, oh, I need to keep going with this, right? Because if you flake on a date, right, or you flake on two dates or you flake on three dates, the guy's going to think you're no longer interested, right? If you flake, if you're supposed to meet up for the first time and you flake on him because of whatever reason, there's a really high probability chance that he will never talk to you again, right? Because he's going to feel like, oh, she's not really that interested or he may end up trying a little bit more and try to see what's going on. And, you know, is she telling me the truth here? Is she not telling me the truth here? Because believe it or not, lots of people lie. Men lie, women lie. Everybody's lying these days to each other about what they're doing and why they're not showing up to things. And so most guys are going to assume, even if you have a legitimate reason why you cannot meet up with him, he's probably going to assume that you're lying to him. Because a lot of other women have probably lied to him about why they wouldn't meet up with him before that. And usually the real reason why this woman doesn't want to meet up with him is because she's got her own issues going on and so, you know, she flakes on him. And actually, you know, I'm not going to run off on that tangent right now. Let's just say that women flake all the time on dates with men. I was in the men's dating industry for years and that was one of the biggest complaints that men had, one of the biggest frustrations that men have is that women would flake. They just don't show up and it happens all the time. It's like notorious. And I know that a lot of women have problems with guys doing that as well. Norma's putting the hibiscus flower into the chat. That's exactly what I'm talking about there. Norma, good job. And so you want to make sure, so here's what you do, right? If you're going to have a date rejection and you can do this even if it's not over text message, right? I've talked about this in some of my other videos. If you're rejecting a guy, the first thing that you need to say is what you want, right? So if you're going to have a date rejection or you're going to flake on a guy or whatever, the first thing you need to say is I really want to meet up with you. And then you tell him that you're going to flake on him and give him the date rejection, right? Where you're going, okay, well, unfortunately I have this thing that's going on and I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. However, I'm really sorry about that and I'd really love to meet with you again in the future, right? And so basically you're saying what you want. You're telling him that you're kind of rejecting his date or flaking on his date or whatever it is. And then you're reopening the possibility for something to happen later, right? And so as long as he's not really insecure and he's actually interested in meeting up with you, because there's a lot of guys that are really insecure and if you end up kind of like shutting down a date and flaking on a date, like a high quality guy may take that as like being really disrespectful. And so you want to make sure that you're opening things up and you're like, hey, I messed up here, right? Because I'm canceling on you and you could have been doing something. This is what's going on, right? He could be doing something. He could have scheduled something with somebody else or doing something else. And he blocked off that time to spend with you, right? And so if you're like rejecting him on a date, that's kind of a big deal. It's kind of like a slap in the face really for a guy. And so you want to make sure that you're being kind of apologetic. You're letting him know that you're really interested in him and that you want to open things back up to seeing him again in the future. And so that's what you actually want to do if you end up doing a date rejection. So that one's that. And so next I'm going to, so that was number two. So five was waiting too long. Four was trying to build a connection over text. Three was being too boring. Two was not reassuring him after a date rejection. I'm going to go over number one. And then again, I said that I talk about the number one rule that you need to follow in dating if you want a real connection, real lasting connection with a guy. And we'll talk about that here in a minute. So right after I talk about number one. So number one is playing games with him. And I know that a lot of people play games these days. And sometimes people are playing games and you don't know that they're playing games. Sometimes people aren't playing games and you think that they are playing games. It's hard to know. It's hard to know you're texting back and forth with a guy. And all of a sudden he stops texting and he texts you all of a sudden tomorrow. Like, is he playing a game or is he not playing a game? It's, there's really no way for you to actually know. What you can know is whether it works for you or not. And if it doesn't work for you, if you don't feel like you're being valued from the beginning, then you either need to set a boundary moving forward or you need to pull things back. Because if you start playing games with a guy and he's a smart man, there's one of two things that are going to end up happening from you playing games with them. Either one, he's going to play games back or two, he's going to stop talking to you. And neither of those things are things that you want. You don't want him to be talking to you. Neither of those things are things that you want. You don't want him to think that you're playing games. Because then it turns into a playing game fest. And that is a painful, painful situation for both of you. And you don't want a relationship that's built around playing games. And so what are some games that women play that you shouldn't do over text message? One, acting disinterested. And we kind of talked, the whole waiting too long to respond thing is one of those kinds of things. Like you're acting like you're not really interested in a guy. And there's other ways that people teach how to act disinterested. And it's a game. You're creating a fake connection. You're creating a connection around the game, a game that you have to play from now until the end of time if you want him to stay interested in you. Second one is taking for, I just talked about that, taking forever to respond. Another one is canceling, constantly canceling plans or dates. Like that, it's a technique that people teach out there is cancel the date. Cancel the plan on purpose and then reschedule because he'll be more interested in you. If you do that and he thinks that you're playing a game, like I said, if he's smart, he's either going to start playing games back because he doesn't like it, but he's willing to put up with it. Or he's just going to stop talking to you because he's like, I don't need this, right? I'm too valuable to deal with this. And the next another way that you could be playing games is calling him your friend, right? Don't do that. Using arbitrary rules that have no rhyme or reason behind them. I talk about this with the 90 day rule. There's a lot of questions that people have about different kind of rules that are out there. If a rule doesn't have any reason behind why it exists, don't follow it. The greatest example is the 90 day rule. It's kind of the Steve Harvey rule. There was a rule that the rules came out with that book that was called the rules that came out with where they were talking about, don't sleep with a guy until after three dates, right? That was a long standing rule that was given to women a long time ago. Back in the day, it wasn't that long ago. And the other rule was Steve Harvey's rule where he was like, wait 90 days before you sleep with a guy because that will determine how interested he is in you. And I think both of those rules are very well-meaning rules, right? Like in terms of being a woman waiting longer tends to work out better because it makes it so that you end up having a real connection with a guy, right? Or it increases the odds that you're going to have a real connection with him. Or it increases the odds that he's not going to be doing this just for sex, right? Because, I mean, who wants to go through all of that, right? Just to have sex with a person. Like I'm going to wait 90 days, although there are guys that do this, right? There are guys that do this. And so you have to know that if a guy is in the men's dating industry, which a lot of guys that you don't know are in the men's dating industry, are in the men's dating industry. And it's just like women that are taking information from us, right? We have millions of women that read and go through our materials every single month. Well, there are millions of men that are reading and going through materials on other channels and other people's websites and stuff for men every single month. And those men, whoever those millions of men are, are very familiar, many of them are very familiar with what games women play because or rules that women have because they need to know they want to be smart about dating as well. And so if you have that rule and a guy finds out that you've got these weird arbitrary rules and you can't really explain them, but you can't have sex for 90 days or whatever, right? He's going to feel like you're playing games. I'm not going to beat that one into any more of a dead horse. And the last one of playing games is talking a lot about other men or your acts, right? For the whole jealousy thing, which is something that's out there as well. Instead, here's what you need to do. When you're on text message, instead of playing games with a guy, you should be focusing on fun, focusing on having fun and pacing his interest, right? And that's as close to playing a game as we get over here, which is pacing his interest. So depending on how kind of into you he is, is how into you into him you are, right? And just pacing that interest, allowing yourself to kind of match his interest. And doing that really works out because a lot of women sometimes don't, they don't seem to be able to feel where these boundaries are or what they should be doing or how they should be doing this. And so they end up kind of jumping all over a guy when he's kind of pulling back and he needs space. And what you want to do is give him space when he needs space. And when he or what they end up doing is the whole disinterest thing. So he's like showing a lot of disinterest and they're like disappearing on him. And he's like, Whoa, what happened here? I really liked her. And then he kind of sobers up from that. And he's like, Oh, well, I don't, I don't know how much I even care anymore. Right. Like, because he never end because you never ended up getting a real connection. And it was kind of built on him being interested at first. And then all of a sudden you're playing games. And so it becomes this kind of weird dynamic that you have in your kind of dating relationship that you have going on. And so next time I'm going to talk about the number one rule that I think you should be following in dating. Lorraine says that I'm funny. Thank you. Thank you. Guys always play games because that's how they test you says Rebecca. Guys don't always play games just like women don't always play games. Right. Anytime you say somebody always does something, you might as well just apply it to the other the other people as well. Right. Guys are out there. You should see we have this video on our channel where there's just a ton of guys on there talking smack about women and it's all the same stuff that women always say about men. Oh, you know, guys are always playing games. They're saying women always play games. And, you know, if you don't want to be in that, right, don't put up with it. Right. Just don't put up with it. One of the problems that we have is that we're in this culture of people that are putting up with these games and we're accepting it into our lives. And you need to not do that anymore. And so what's the number one rule in dating is this. This is what I think you should focus on. And it's not specific to texting. However, it's something that a lot of women kind of mistake. And we're just talking about the 90 day rule. And this kind of applies to what rule you really should be having. Right. And the rule is not allowing do not allow things to move forward with a man until you feel his heart is open to you. Right. So, you know, don't move to sex. Don't move to anything deep where you're going to end up getting connected to a guy until you really start to feel in person that his heart is open to you. And so no matter how you feel about him, no matter what kind of chemicals and chemistry you have going on with you, right, you need to always focus on the connection. Focus on the connection that he has and that you have together. Right. And allow that to build and allow that to deepen. Right. And so we have kind of these different stages of connection, which the first one is kind of this primal animalistic instinct that a guy has when he first sees you and he's attracted to you. And he's just like, I just want to rip your clothes off and just make love to you. Right. And so that's kind of like the first one that he's got. And so you want to, and then the next kind of level is kind of this deeper emotional level that you need to make sure that you're connecting with, right? You want to get him hooked and you want to have this real emotional connection experience. And then there's deeper kind of levels of this connection where you're kind of getting into deeper emotions, you're opening up with vulnerabilities, and you're kind of sharing this kind of embrace that you have together. And if you, if this happens in a natural, organic way, it's the best thing that can ever happen, right? It just feels so like, oh, it's just, it's amazing. That's when the sex that you have is just this wild, passionate, just amazing sex. And it's, it's the best, it's the absolute best way to do things. So don't allow things to move forward. Just push it off, push it off, push it off until you start to feel, you feel his heart opening to you. You're not just listening to his words. You're watching his actions. You're seeing how he interacts with you and you're feeling it. You're opening yourself up. You're listening to your intuition and you're connecting with his heart, right? That's where you want to be. That's, that's what builds real connections here. And that's what allows you to have connections that last. And it's also what prevents you from getting heartbroken because you end up hooking up with a guy and next thing you know, you're like totally into him. And he's not quite as into you as you are to him because that foundational level of connection was never really built. All right. So do we have any questions here? That's all the specific content that I have about that. Are there any questions? We've got lots of people from all over the world. Ireland, Australia, London, San Diego, Illinois. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Regina says, I love your honesty helps so much to understand where the guy is coming from, which is so foreign to many of us. Yeah, it's true. It's true. A lot of people are just confused. Men and women, we're all kind of hanging out, confused about what's going on with the opposite sex. Yeah, you, so yeah, yeah, no meat, not legit. So if, if a guy doesn't meet with you, just assume that it's not real, right? And you, you want, it's all about meeting in person, right? Like I, I've been watching, I've been watching these Dr. Phil episodes. And it's been really, really interesting watching these Dr. Phil episodes. He's got this kind of series of episodes where all these people are getting scammed, right? They're getting scammed online for money. And some of these people, oh my God, there was this one guy, I think he spent like, like over a million dollars or something like that. It was like 1.3 million dollars he was sending to Nigeria. And he was like, no, no, this woman is real. This woman is, you know, she stuck there and then this happened to her and then that happened to her. And I had to send her some money and they, they just keep putting her in jail. And he ended up spending over the course of, I don't know how long it was, like six months or a year or something, over a million dollars, right? And then there's this woman that was on one of the other episodes where she like, she spent like 300,000 dollars on this guy to bring him to her. And she was like, no, I know he's real. And it's like interesting because they find these, the actual people, right? Like the profiles that some of these scammers are using are like actual people that they pull off the internet. And then they use the profile and they have these kind of sequences of conversation that they have with somebody. Next thing you know, they're telling you that they love you and all this stuff. And you know, you start sending money to them and it happens all over there. It's happening all over the world. And somebody's making, it's a multi-billion dollar industry, right? Somebody's making whoever these Nigerians are that are stealing money from people are making billions of dollars off of people that are getting scammed. And so meet up, meet up with people. Don't fall in love with or don't fall. Think you're falling in love with a person online. Really what you're doing is you're falling in love with this image of who you think this person is. You're not actually falling in love with somebody. You're falling in love with something else. So don't do that. It's a huge thing. It's a problem. So let's see. Are there any other questions? Anybody have any questions? Yeah, the problem is we talk about everything. Well, what kind of stage are you dating? Are you in a relationship? So Miriam says the problem is we talked about everything and now our conversation is getting more and more boring. I'm actually going to be talking about all the different things that you should be talking about on a date here in one of the next live streams that we do. Man says, I always love putting emojis. Is it bad if I put too much? I don't know. You know, like it's fun and it's flirty and it's feminine. I don't think it's really a bad thing. I mean, you could even just have a conversation with emojis if you wanted to. And I think, you know, I think that they're fun and they're kind of emotional and they're kind of connective and to a guy when he sees those, he's kind of like, I'm not even sure I really understand what's going on here. Am I allowed to be sending emojis to a girl? All right. That's what guys think when they get emojis, like, you know, should they be sending it? Lana Georgia. So Mino says, you're awesome. Appreciate you so much. Thank you. Thank you. San Francisco. Welcome. So scams for over 200,000. You were? Yvonne? That's pretty bad. Yeah. I mean, it sucks. It sucks. Yeah. So C says, we've done conversations in emojis. It's really fun and funny. Yeah. It's fun. Emojis are fun. Use emojis. Emoji back and forth with people. It's a fun way to connect with people. Okay. It sounds like that's about all that we have here. And if you guys have any other questions, make sure that you put them in the comments section and we'll get to some of them in a future video. So thank you everybody for being with me here today. And I hope, you know, you're obviously, you're the best. I say, obviously, you're the best part of our community. I love having conversations with everybody here. I love doing this. And I will make sure that we will talk again. I'm like babbling on here. We'll talk again soon. So thank you, everyone, for being here. And have a great day. Have a great night wherever you are in the world. And I will speak with you again soon.