 The Irene Dunn Fred McMurray Show. Starring Irene Dunn as Susan and Fred McMurray as George. Together in a gay new exciting comedy adventure, Bright Star. It's the Irene Dunn Fred McMurray Show. Starring Irene Dunn as Susan Armstrong, owner and editor at the Hillsdale Morning Star, and Fred McMurray as George Harvey, the paper's ace reporter. I'd like to find Fred and Irene, that is George and Susan, spending a quiet evening in the... Wait a minute, something's going on here. George, wake up. What's the matter, Susan? Where are we? At the movie, George. This is where we came in. Good movie. I go out every minute of it. You've been asleep for 15 minutes. I never close my eyes. Let me get my shoes on. There. Let's go. Excuse us, please. Excuse us. Excuse us, please. Isn't it a wonderful night, George? Yeah. What did you say, Susan? I just commented that it was a nice evening. Sorry, I was checking to see if I had my own shoes on. Oh, dear. Well, so much for romance. You know, I really enjoyed the first half of that double feature. I will admit, I did relax a little during the second feature. You could hear you relaxing all over the place. I never snore. I just breathed heavily. George, you were breathing so heavily, no one could hear the gangster shooting each other. The gangster picture? I thought it was about a boy and a dog. Oh, George. Wait a minute. I want to look in this window. No, Julie. That first film was nice, wasn't it? Hmm. That married couple in it sort of made me think of you and me, Susan. Except that we're not married, of course. Well, I clever of you to notice. What? I mean clever of you to notice the resemblance. The way they always understood each other. Basically, I thought the man was pretty much like me. I mean, he knew how to handle women. You always praise things so delicately, George. Handle women. You make them sound like crates. Mark this side up. Well, some women are more like crates than others, of course. Thanks very much. But take you, Susan. You're more like a delicate violin, capable of beautiful music, when the bow is in the hands of a master. Someone who understands women. That's the idea, yes. George and his magic violin. You know, Susan, when I think of the men who struggle through life without the slightest understanding of how to handle women, it frightens me. Well, if I find any, I'll send them to you for music lessons. It's all very simple, really. You mean handling women? Yes. You see, you just flatter them a little, appeal to their vanity, and then you... Yes, yet do go on, George. Well, in talking about women, I certainly didn't mean you, Susan. You see... Well, what, am I a great horned owl or something? No. No, no, not at all. It's just that I don't think of you as a... Well, what do you think of me as? You know, Susan, if I didn't understand women so well, I'd think you were mad at me. Good morning, Sammy. How are you this bright and shining morning? Hi, Mr. Harvey. Do I detect the shadow of worry darkening your fuzzy cheek? It's my girl, Mr. Harvey. She won't talk to me. Any particular reason? She says I'm a beast. Well, you could have fooled me. Does Miss Armstrong ever refuse to talk to you, Mr. Harvey? Never, Sammy. Miss Armstrong and I are always on the very best of... Good morning, Sammy. Hi, Miss Armstrong. How are you, Susan? As I was saying, Sammy... I was telling Mr. Harvey about my problem, Miss Armstrong. My girl won't speak to me. Well, how fortunate that you came to a specialist in women, Sammy. Mr. Harvey, he plays on them like violin. Don't you, George? Mr. Harvey, you wouldn't go to see my girl and talk to her, would you? Well, as a matter of fact, Sammy, I'm pretty busy right now. Why, of course he would, Sammy. With his great insight into the feminine mind, he'll have her eating right out of your hand. Would you, Mr. Harvey, would you? Well, not that I wouldn't like to, Sammy, but... Well, now, you just give him her name and address, Sammy, and he'll go right out there this evening. It's Shirley Patterson, Mr. Harvey, 4213 Elm Street. Emily, you tell her I'm not a beast. Well... Gee, thanks, Mr. Harvey. I certainly wish I knew as much about women as you do. Oh, it's nothing, Sammy, really. Now, I think that's an adequate description. I take it you're doubtful, Miss Armstrong, of my ability to successfully resolve this little situation. You want a one-word answer, George? Sammy, you may set your little heart at rest. My full knowledge of women is at your disposal. You hear that, Miss Armstrong? My congratulations, Sammy. You have just been made full partner in a bankrupt firm. Good evening. Won't you come in? Thank you. I was looking for Miss Patterson. Well, you certainly found her. You tall, lean, bloodhound you. You mean you're Miss Patterson? Mm-hmm. But my friends all call me sugar. Oh, short for sugar, huh? You've been peeking. Well, I... You're sure you're Miss Patterson? You're disappointed? No, no, no, not at all. No, indeed. It's just that I expected someone a good deal younger. Well, I wasn't expecting you at all. So, we're even. Now, you just sit right down. Get over there, here. Ah, that's better. And now you can tell me your name. George Harvey, that is. My favorite name, George Harvey. It is. That's quite a coincidence. And why did you want to see me, George Harvey? See you? Oh, yes. Well, Sammy sent me. Now, isn't he the sweet thing? Has he got any more like you? No, no, I'm the only one of this model. I just love a man who says witty things. Now, about Sammy. Who? Sammy. It seems he has a sort of juvenile crush on you. Oh, well, isn't that exciting? Did you always have that little dimple in your chin, George? It's nothing. Now, about Sammy... You don't mind me getting closer. It's so fascinating to watch that dimple when you talk. Well, it's more of a cleft, really. Say something, Joe. Well, about Sammy... Oh, no, no, shoulders. You must have been a college football man, all America. Well, on my mother's side. But as I was saying, Miss Patterson... Shug. As I was saying, Shug, about Sammy... What about Sammy? Well, he wanted me to tell you he wasn't a beast. And how about you, Joe? Me? How about you, an utterly ruthless beast of prey? Well, I know. No, not at all. No siree. Well, I hope you don't mind my asking, because I never go out with anyone who's just not a perfect gentleman. You off the show? Positively. Good. Then I'll get my hat and coat and be right with you. But I... Sammy, you'll never believe I'm doing this for your own good. Good morning, Mr. Harvey. Oh, how are you, Sammy? Miss Armstrong, come in yet? She'll be a little late this morning. What? Well, what? My girl. Did you use your great knowledge of women to straighten her out, Mr. Harvey? Well, we had quite a chat, Sammy. Quite a chat. Sammy, did it ever occur to you that Miss Patterson might not be just the girl for you? Why not? A girl is a girl, Mr. Harvey. Well, true, true. But, you see, Sammy... Miss Patterson is a little too... Well, whole I put it. A little late last night, Mr. Harvey. Well, as a matter of fact, I was, Sammy. You see, Miss Patterson wanted to... Mr. Harvey. Now, wait, Sammy. And I thought I could trust you. Don't jump at conclusions, Sammy. I should have learned from history. From history? My old standish. He sent John Alden to ask for Priscilla's hand, because he trusted him. Now, wait, Miles. I mean, Sammy, this whole thing is silly. Taker. Taker, Mr. Harvey. But the next time you come to me for a loan before payday... No dice. Huh? This kid is a monster. Not going to the office this morning, Miss Susan? Shortly, Patience. I got a phone call a few minutes ago from Miss Patterson. She's most anxious to see me before she goes to high school. And who is Miss Patterson? Sammy's little friends. They've been having a puppy-love fight of some kind. And George Harvey, the man who knows women, went over to her house last night to patch things up. I suspect the worst. Well, George means well, Patience. And when you said that, you said everything. Well, you... There she is. I'll go, Patience. All right, Miss Susan. And you're Shirley Patterson. Come in, Shirley. I can't stay a minute, Miss Armstrong. But I thought it was my duty as a fellow woman to come. Well, won't you sit down, fellow woman? No, thank you. Miss Armstrong, have you found out that all men are beasts? I know. Well, it's true. Sammy, back in the days when we were still speaking, used to tell me about the wonderful relationship between you and Mr. Harvey. Oh, it was an inspiration to both of us. Well, thank you. Then I found out about Sammy. A beast? Oh, utterly. But I could have survived if I hadn't found out about Mr. Harvey, too. But how did Mr. Harvey reveal his true colors? My lips are sealed. But, Miss Armstrong, did you know he was absolutely faithless? George? He revealed himself last night. Last night... You mean when he came over to see you on behalf of Sammy? That's why he said he was coming. He had ulterior motive? Miss Armstrong, my lips are sealed. But what do you think of a man who comes on behalf of another and then betrays his trust? The lowest of the low. Well, perhaps I shouldn't have shattered your illusions. But as a fellow woman, I thought you ought to know the truth about men. Beasts. Everyone. Beasts. Well, I have to go. I've got freshman algebra at 10. Well, thank you for coming, Shirley. And don't be too hard on Mr. Harvey. Perhaps he just couldn't help himself. Help himself. Miss Armstrong, he wasn't even trying. George? What? Oh, well, Susan, nice... nice morning, isn't it? How did things go last night with Sammy's little friend, that is? Sammy's little friend? Miss Patterson. Oh, oh, that little friend. Well, the things were very friendly. Yes, indeed. She came to see me this morning. See what? What did she tell you? That all men are beasts. Oh, now listen, Susan, before you jump to any conclusions... She apparently thinks you are quite smitten with her, George. Oh, nonsense. I mean, I was friendly, of course, but... How could you double-cross Sammy like that? Susan, I'm sure this can be explained, but say in a couple of days or so. You mean your mad affair is continuing with her? Well, as a matter of fact, she did say something about tonight, but... George, I have an idea. You have? Yes. Why don't you take Sammy's little friend to the Ming Room tonight, and then Sammy and I will accidentally wander in and then we can patch it up between the two of them. What, two of them? Well, Sammy needs a little friend, of course. Susan, I don't think you quite understand. Of course I understand. Didn't I just talk to the girl this morning? Well, then I don't understand. You don't mind my going out with her? No, I think it's perfectly sweet of you, George. But... But... Don't just don't mention about her coming to see me. She was so cute about telling me everything as a fellow woman. But... Then I'll see you tonight, George. But... I'm just beginning to wonder, do I really understand women? Back to our two stars, Irene Dunn and Fred McMurray, and the second act of our story. As the plot thickens, Susan Armstrong thinks her ace reporter, George Harvey, is showing up tonight at the Ming Room with Sammy's friend, Shirley. But, actually, it's Shirley's older cousin who... Well, if you haven't been with us from the beginning, just try to catch up, will you? Loves all flight and sweet music, George. What? Oh, yes, swell, swell. George Harvey, I don't believe you're listening to a single word I say. Of course I am, sugar. I was just looking around to see who's here, that's all. Expecting someone? No, no, just looking, that's all. You're just about the jumpiest boy I ever went out with. Would you excuse me while I pat him on my nose? Oh, sure, sure, of course. Take all the time you want, I... Now, don't you jump away from... You should never have come here in the first place. Susan, I should have said, Susan, you're a woman and I'm a man. And if you... Why, George Harvey... Susan! Well, imagine seeing you here. Hi, Mr. Harvey. Well, Sammy is just like old times, huh? I persuaded Sammy to come out to dinner with me to forget his trouble. Are you alone, George? Alone? Sure. Well, I mean, not exactly. Well, then you don't mind if we join you? I'd rather not, Miss Armstrong. When a friend who you think is a friend turns out to be not a friend any longer, I'd rather not. Oh, come on, Sammy. There, now, isn't that better? Well, isn't this cozy, George? Yes, it's going to get even cozier. Would you care to dance, Susan? Maybe later, George. Sure. How about you, Sammy? I wouldn't even dance with you if you were a woman. Well, no accounting for taste. Sure, you don't want to dance, Susan. Well, if you'll all excuse me, I just remembered I have to... Miss Patterson! Are you the one with Mr. Harvey? I thought it was Shirley. Who's Shirley? George Harvey. Where's Shirley? Who's Shirley? She, Mr. Harvey. Have I been misjudging you? And have I? Just wait till I tell Shirley. Well, not that anybody's going to answer me, but who is Shirley? My little girl, come, George. Aren't you going to introduce me? Well, I... Never mind, George. We're leaving. Come on, Sammy. Sure. Gee, Mr. Harvey, I think you're swell. Oh, thanks, Sammy. And if you want to know what I think, George, I... Shall we dance? I'd rather die. Come, Sammy. Sure, Miss, I'm strong. On geology. And just this morning, she was so understanding. Hello, Sammy. You know what? I made it with my girl again, Mr. Harvey. Well... I went over to her house after we left you last night. She says that I'm still a beast, but alongside of you, I'm a saint. I was glad to help out, Sammy. That's, uh, surely, isn't it? There was just a harmless confusion in your mind between her and her cousin. Harmless confusion. Sammy. Yes, Mr. Harvey? I guess you, uh, know quite a bit about how to get along with women, don't you? Sure. Anything I can help you with, Mr. Harvey? Well, there exists a slight chill between Miss Armstrong and myself. Because of Shug, huh? Well, as near as I can figure out, yes. So, Sammy, if you could suggest anything that... Hmm... How about getting her out of town? Shug? How? Well, there's a fella she's sort of engaged to in her hometown, Buford Jackson. Now, I could call her and pretend to be Buford and insist she come home. Oh, that's no good, Sammy. With all due respect, you couldn't sound at all like this Buford. You'd be at her house and take the call. I would? Sammy, you really think it... Mr. Harvey, out of my wide knowledge of women, I guarantee that this will work. Out of your wide knowledge of women, huh? Well, I... I guess you know best. Going home soon, Miss Armstrong? I'm working on some editorials tonight, Sammy. What? Oh, nothing, nothing. No date with Mr. Harvey this evening? I'd rather imagine that Mr. Harvey is busy cementing relationships between the North and the South. You misjudge him, Miss Armstrong. You mean he's worse than I think he is? A heart of gold. Well, I gotta go out and make a phone call. Why don't you make it here? Well, I... I just like to throw money around. Well, now, it's a private call, Sammy. No, no, it's just that... Good evening, ma'am. Is this the office in the morning, star? Well, yeah. Buford Jackson, you servant, ma'am. Buford Jackson? Is there a George Harvey working in this establishment? Well, yes, Mr. Jackson. Laying my cards right on the table, ma'am. I received a telegram from my little cousin, Shirley, telling me that my fiance was running around with this George Harvey. My name, ma'am. My name is Satisfaction. Oh, dear. Just how good is your aim? Best in the country. I see. Well, Mr. Harvey isn't here right now. He's on an assignment to Alaska. But if you want to leave your card... Well, thank you, ma'am. But I better be getting over to my fiance's. But if that Mr. Harvey should return from Alaska... Yes? I can't describe it to you, ma'am. I'm just too tender-hearted. Oh, dear. Ma'am, for just a minute, George. Oh, I didn't realize I was standing. I've seen some jumpy little old boys in my time, but never anything like you. Here, sit down beside me, George. Sure. Would you mind moving over so I could sit next to the phone? You expecting a call? Well, you know what the air raid wardens say. In case of an attack, always be close to a phone. You sit right down, George, and talk to me so I can watch the exciting way your little old items Apple Bobs up and down. Come on, Sammy. What's that, George? I said this is dandy, isn't it? You acting very cold tonight, George. Am I? Well, I guess there'll be nights like this. Sammy. I'll get it. Hello? Oh, long distance, huh? Long distance. Is it for me? Yes. Go ahead, long distance. Who said anything about long distance? And who is this talking? Of course I'll take the message. Cut out the corny dialect, Sammy. Sure. Go right ahead. Who is this talking? Yes, this is George Harvey. Oh, Buford, huh? Well, how are you, Buford? I certainly will take a message for her. Go right ahead. Stop poking it up, Sammy. She might hear you. What's that you say? You wanted to come right home. Well, you know best, Buford. George, let me talk to it. You haven't got time to talk to Maybell, you say? Well, that's too bad, Buford. I'll give you the message. Yes, indeed. Out. Well, it's been nice talking to you, Buford. Sorry you can't come up and visit us. Oh, some other time, huh? Well, goodbye, Buford. Sammy, that's a corny, southern accent I ever heard. George, why didn't you let me talk to Buford? Well, he seemed to be in a big hurry, but he was very insistent about your coming home. I want you to come home immediately. Oh, I wonder if he found out about us, George. Buford is just a wild bull when he's jealous. Oh, there's nothing to worry about, shoot. Buford's a long way from here. But, you know, long distance is a wonderful thing. It sounded as though he was calling from right around the corner. Will you be sorry to see me go, Jones? Oh, of course I will. But if Buford's waiting, I guess I can be big about making the sacrifice. I just can't understand why he didn't want to talk to me. I guess he had to get back and fight the bullweevils. Well, if you need any help packing, let me know. I'll send Sammy over. Drop me a line sometime, huh? Oh, hello. Well, as I was saying, Shug, if you... Who are you? I, sir, was just about to ask you the same questions. Buford, what are you doing here? Buford? But I just... I mean, I didn't... Glad to know you. You're George Harvey? Well, I... that is... Buford, don't you dare! Buford! But Jackson, I should never speak to you. You put your big sis right in his pretty little green eyes. The Harvey is Sammy. I've been looking all over for him. He's lying down on the couch in your office, Miss Armstrong. Oh. With an ice bag over his eyes. Is he conscious? I think so. Sometimes with Mr. Harvey, it's pretty hard to tell. Yes, I know. Well, I'll go in and sympathize with the world's greatest authority on feminine psychology. He'll improve, Miss Armstrong. I promise to teach him everything I know. He could use it. Who... who is it? It's me, your gorgeous hunk of fighting men. Sure? Now, don't take that ice bag off your tiny little eyes, Daughty. I'll just sit here and stoke your cute little bony forehead. Well, I wouldn't, Shog. You see, this is Miss Armstrong's office, and if she comes in here and sees us, she... she might not... Oh, it's better that way, honeysuckle blossoms. Then you just have to choose between us once and for all. But, Shog, you've got to go back home with Buford. How can I go home with Buford after I've been out with you? Look, all you have to do is go down to the bus terminal. The rest is easy. Daughty, I'm a woman, and you're a man. That's not the right way to look at it, Shog. Oh, take off that ice bag, Daughty. Gaze into my violet eyes and then tell me, which of us do you choose, you little fighting fool you? Well, George. Susan. Oh, George. Of all the low, sneaky, unhanded tricks I've seen yourself. You were turning pale right under the ice bag. Well, all I have to say, Susan, is that if... Of course I... I knew all the time that it was you. Oh, you did. Of course I did. Susan, you don't actually think that George Harvey would be fooled by a mere woman, do you? Yes. Well, I was just asking, that's all. Just asking. Oh, George. Our stars Irene Dunn and Fred McMurray will return in just a moment. Of course you have to admit, Susan, that the whole thing arose from a perfectly natural mistake. What mistake? Well, if I hadn't assumed that Sammy was going with Sugar instead of with Shirley. Oh, that wasn't a very bright assumption. But you have to admit that she was attractive. Sugar, I mean. Oh, of course. But still, being with her couldn't compare with being with you, Susan. Couldn't it? Her eyes didn't compare, her voice didn't compare, her hair... Oh, you're sweet, George. How did this compare? Well? Could you give me that again? I'm still a little on the fence. George. Irene Dunn and Fred McMurray will be back next week in another exciting comedy adventure in the gay new series, Bright Star. This is Wendell Niles inviting you to join us then.