 The phrase the person who cares the least has all the power. Yes. Okay. What do you think that means? Well, I think People think that it means that you play hard to get and you know, that's a good thing Well, I have a friend. Okay, that always says that Never give your power away because the one that has that cares the most Cares the least cares the least Has the power has the power? Okay, but to me that's such a unhealthy way to approach relationship is not caring Okay, because what it's saying is the person who cares the more is gonna get less in the relationship But see that that's all about being emotionally mature. Okay, so what about playing hard to get? Yeah, you know, I think playing hard to get is taught to women as okay So for women who maybe give too much in relationship They're it's kind of like a turnaround to do the opposite as a way to Maybe Temporarily get a guy attracted to you So if you if you don't try too hard a person's gonna be attracted to you Well, have you ever been attracted to someone who didn't try that hard? Did you ever chase anyone? No? Oh, come on. No, I chase me. No, I didn't Always jokingly say you chase me Well, you know this really however what you did do is make effort and I want to talk about that But I want it before I get into the the way you made effort different than other people When I started this conversation about the person who cares the least has all the power What I've observed with so many women is they give their power away in relationship Do you think that's true? That is true Okay, so I actually have a list of seven ways women give their power away And I wanted to share that because this is basically do the opposite of what I'm saying here So the first thing I see women do is the relationship is all on the man's terms In other words, they abandoned their standards They abandoned their boundaries because it's all based on what a man wants, right? That's a no go Okay, did you ever operate like that in dating? It was all in dating. Yeah No, so how did you express your needs wants and desires? How did you express your standards? So you didn't give your power away Well, I didn't I wasn't really What? When I wasn't into somebody I wasn't into something and I it was just okay, but that's not being into that But how am I gonna give my power to somebody that I'm not even into Okay, but if you are into someone could you see my okay? You never gave your power away now you have girlfriends you've seen give their power away to Matt's the relationship is all on their terms They're waiting for the guy to call. It's that scene in the movie. He's just not that in use She's waiting by the answering machine to see if he called right, but that's all based on the relationship on his terms Would you say that in our relationship? It's a two-lane street. Well, it always has been like, you know, you talk jokingly Yeah, jokingly that I chased him, but I didn't chase him. I just thought I needed to know to get to know him I don't well you made effort you made you initiate phone calls I you know, but it wasn't what we did I like what Matthew Hussie says is you invested and then you tested Okay, you invest and test or in other words that he make I made effort you made effort you made effort I made effort. There was this dance. It's kind of like a volleyball game, but you know, like I never a ball game I never knew this was gonna go anywhere. So with us. Yeah, I just thought, you know, he's in California Maybe when I'm out there, we'll have coffee or something. Okay, so this actually leads into something I talk about in my private coaching is something I call being passionate and Detached and what that means is passionate means being open to the possibilities and detached means detached to the outcome Okay, I think that's what you were in our relationship. You were open to the possibility But you weren't attached to the outcome. No, and I think that's how I handle dating too. Yeah It's just, you know, you're meeting a new friend and so I'm gonna share with you your approach I found very attractive. In other words, I didn't feel like you were trying too hard You weren't trying too little either. In other words, I I got to tell you something I dated women where it felt like I had to pull teeth to get them to like answer a phone or go out on a date And after a couple times, you know what playing hard to get homie don't play that game And I was terrible at returning text. Oh, yeah, you were bad at that You're still bad at that but coming back to I think women give their power away another way a woman gives a power away Is they're afraid to speak their truth to a guy? Yeah, okay. Do you remember one of the first things you said to me speaking your truth? No, what I say the deodorant thing. Oh, yeah. Okay. Do you want to share that story? Okay, by the way, what she's about what Marie's about to share is a story of Something very early in our relationship. It was something that was uncomfortable and the way she brought it up was I Appreciate it because you spoke your truth instead of stuffing your feelings. Yeah So do you want to share the story? Well, he had picked me up at my friend's house and a convertible And it was all sweaty and stuff and then and then we were just sitting around talking and I Just couldn't take the the B. Oh, you know, well, you're talking I want to I have to do something on the computer So so yeah, so I just couldn't take it and I said to him, you know I'm gonna say something that I don't I mean it from the heart not It's just that I really think that you're deodorant I Remember that she shared something and what's interesting? It was something uncomfortable But what I appreciate most is you spoke your truth and ever since that day you've always spoken your truth with me And I find well, I see a lot of women That's a way of giving your power away of not speaking up when something is bothering you when something doesn't feel right I know most women don't like feeling uncomfortable like where's this relationship going? That's remember you did that with the one guy remember Going before yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, so Yeah, where's this going? You know, I really want to talk about this because I want to know where it's going and and he said well, you know I've been heard I've been cheated on I've been la la la la la la la la so I really want to take it slow and So I got we were in a jacuzzi and I got out and I'm like I didn't get an answer Yeah, taking it slow. What does that mean? Yeah, in other words, so when guys here's the thing though You weren't unafraid to ask About the relationship. I think women that's a way of giving your power away and that's not, you know playing hard to get That's not being engaged in the relationship. So by actually making effort You know by making effort We men find that attractive But it's not too much effort see a lot of women fear that asking that question is too much effort Well, you know, it comes back to if he's not the right guy Then then he'll he might not want to answer it. He'll get offended like okay like that guy that wanted to take it slow Okay, what does slow mean does that mean that? You know, you're on the dating apps as well Um, does it mean what does it mean like? Oh, I want to take it slow and but in what what? Yeah, what does that take so I think it's taking it slow is a is saying I'm afraid to commit to you So I need a long period of time before I let you know whether or not I want to commit to you And I'm like ladies If a guy is saying let's take it slow then say, you know what? Let's take the sex a lot slower by taking it off the table So when you actually catch up to where I'm at we can start having sex again All right, that's my two cents on the subject another way a woman gives her power away is when the relationship ends All she does is focus on him. It's all about him. It's all about him. It's all about him instead of Why Why do I want why am I caring about someone who doesn't want me? Well, you follow that. Yes. Well, there are a lot of women that oh, no, they want to have another conversation They want closure. What it doesn't matter. Well, I mean to some degree closure Well, okay, I agree there when some that is the closure you're done But I think sometimes having a conversation makes can help but at the end of the day You're still at the same place. It's over so that Revisiting the relationship focusing on him is in some ways is going. How can I get him back? How can I get him back? In fact, it drives me nuts when I see videos out there How to text your ex back how to get your ex back look if a guy doesn't want to be with you There's a nice four letter word Next any xt Another thing I see women give their power away is that they're waiting for the guys to initiate contact I You know, you know, I had no problem Initiating contact who used to send good morning texts to me in the beginning Well, because I lived in Chicago. So you woke up two hours earlier So marie used to text me in the morning and quite frankly I was up when some of those text message came in but I liked that you initiate a contact So it's not trying too hard when you initiate contact with someone I I don't like this dating advice that's all predicated on the man chasing the woman Here's the thing A man could chase you, but it still might be an unhealthy relationship A man might make all this effort and it's he might be emotionally mature. So rather than playing the game You know Why don't you actually make mutual effort and see if you're on the same page I agree. Okay. Now another way women give their power away is they stop doing their pre relationship life for this relationship Um Yeah Like if they used to play pickleball, you don't stop playing pickleball I know your shoulder hurts so you can't do it But if you want to go visit your friends, you go visit your friends If you want to go do things you do the things you did before your relationship However, a relationship might require You know Being mindful of where to balance time, right? Okay, but in a healthy relationship, you don't abandon everything for the person Well, I've had friends that you know It was a joke that our girlfriends. We'd all talk about it and the oh someone's was in a relationship We won't see her for six months Well, that's giving her power away and then you know six months later. There she was Pretty much ever since you moved in I still visit my dear friends every Friday about every other Friday night We get together because I don't want to abandon my pre relationship life Nor do I want you to abandon yours even though you and then I get rid of them every other Friday Oh, you get to break from me. Okay. Thanks so much Another thing is the feeling you can't live without him. This is the only person I'll ever have chemistry with Well, not with that attitude Well, what do you mean like if that's the attitude you have then you're never going to find somebody I see so many women in their mid fifties going this man. I had he was so amazing He was the best man I ever had he broke up with her doesn't want her he breadcrumbs her and yet still Somehow he's the only person on the universe. Let me ask you I'm assuming you've had more than two or three relationships in your life Yeah, okay So by the time you got me the world didn't crash with the previous guy that ended with you No, I went to travel the world. I went to I went to find myself, you know, the whole eat pray love That was me. Yeah So coming back to this idea men are attracted to women who don't try hard I think there's a balance between making effort making effort versus Doing the playing the hard to get So how did you do that within yourself? How did you? Reconciled not trying too hard and yet giving enough like am I making sense? Yeah, so for me just you know You've already connected with this person in some way and if they're not um If they're not appreciative of what I'm doing that I'm not going to give anymore Yeah, you know, so it's got to be reciprocal at some point now. I do appreciate somebody that that You know a couple of I've had some really nice men. We just didn't click but you know, they would plan a nice evening You know, we'd have a meet and greet and then go on a second day and I didn't um I didn't feel like um I didn't it didn't go further Just because it just wasn't clicking and I I'm one of those that likes to tell people, you know I don't want to waste your time with mine. You know, you're a great guy and but Yeah, but you didn't also like if it didn't make it by the third or fourth date It didn't turn into anything either Well, I it didn't usually it didn't go to the third date. I already knew like the first one It's usually for me. I knew on the first date But sometimes it's a good guy. Let me give another chance and then you just go. No, this isn't it's not right And there's no point in continuing it. You know before you I hadn't had a third date with someone for almost three years Oh, and your third date took like what three months You mean for us. Yeah, what do you mean it took three months? Oh, no, we met twice No, we met twice than two weeks later But my point is is I if I knew by the Second date I knew by the second date Well, let me refrain that if I wanted a third date with someone I usually wanted to explore a relationship with them Like the meat will first is a meet and greet then it's the first date But by the second date if I knew I wanted to see him a third time I'd say I want to explore a relationship with you No one ever said that to me though. Really? No, no one no one ever said I want to explore a relationship. I mean actually, so what do you think coaches are out there? Okay, so so what isn't that interesting? I want to explore a relationship with you. What does that feel like to hear that? um Well, if if you're Into this person enough Then like for me it would have been like, okay I mean, I would like just Because we did that we talked about well because in our particular case because the distance we talked about how would we make this work I think you know, it's funny. I was talking to a client today who Met a guy on a trip. Okay, and during the trip she realized She she realized. Oh my god in in 10 days. Oh, they were in Africa In 10 days. It was a nightmare. Okay, not that it was like a date or anything But it's just he she had this trip plan. He was going to go as well But she said something very interesting that I wanted to share with everyone She said if you really want to get to know someone take a 10 day trip with them Okay, I never did that. Okay. Never did that. You just moved in with guys I'm just kidding with me. No, but I we've talked about How people you don't really get to know someone until you actually either live with them or go on an extended trip with them Well, yes, because you get to see a lot of their day to day type of stuff not everything But how they treat treat waiters. Yeah, how they You know how they handle crisis at the airport. Yeah crisis at the airport She's laughing at me because I don't handle them. Well, uh, well, that's why I have you there to handle all that So but my point is you really don't get to know someone unless you spend a concentrated amount of time A few minutes before I uh, we got ready for this live stream I can share with you I had some woman said I've been in a relationship with a guy and you know, we're we're not communicating with one another And when I read further, it's a long distance relationship. She's never met him and this has been going on three years And I'm like you're not in a relationship. You're in a cyber relationship in this particular case But anyway Okay, so coming back to men are attracted to women who don't try hard You embodied what I felt was a nice balance between making effort But not making too much effort and I think I hope you felt that I was the same. I made effort I wasn't trying too hard, but I was still making effort and I'm a No, I I just know how about me Okay, but I'm saying how did it feel did that feel like I made too much effort not enough effort So because if I wouldn't have been into you I would have cut it off Okay, so you were into me enough and then you basically invested and tested going back to what Matthew Hussie says Or what I talk about passionate and detached meaning you are open to the possibility and yet detached from the outcome All right, so men are attracted to women who don't try very hard, but also you have to make effort Well, you have to let the guy know that you're interested If you don't let them know that some way then it's not going to happen I like saying I like you You know how we do that with each other. Yeah, I like that. I like well I'm just for for those out there. We we oftentimes say, you know, I like you Yeah, to me like is a really endearing term because it's not just love love We we can care for someone but to actually like them means you like their personality You like the way they view the world. You like the way they um part their hair She part her hair differently today. So I always used to wear. Okay. Anyway, all right I think this would be a perfect place to start taking questions. Okay. We're gonna. I like you but I Sometimes I don't like you as much. Oh I'm gonna do a tit for tat I can relate Oh my god, now you just gave fodder for one of our followers who's gonna claim that you have all the power in the relationship Anyway, for those who know my format if you have a question write the word question Then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat Uh, there's a little dollar sign the chat box all the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of My son connor asley. He's my son who passed away five years ago. That's a picture of him right there. Look at that new picture Oh, I didn't see no. Okay. He's like the little one there What a cutie. He passed away five years ago. So in his honor I donate to causes like the hoffman process and insight institute just to name a few and we've already got a bunch of questions already here So let's see what we have. Oh, I want to give props out to rachel. Who's a member of our youtube community I want to thank you so much Um, donna wrote question Hi, jonathan and mary I'd like to know if you ever used a professional matchmaking service and how you both Feel about that route as opposed to online sites I got this. Oh Wow, you just wanted to jump in. No, I am I was in a professional dating service as part of their I didn't pay for it, you know, because they charge people a lot of money and You know, if talk about an investment you talk to somebody, you know, you do a chat and then they They would fly in to meet me But like right I needed to make that assessment right there because I was not going to invest it I didn't want to lead people on but I but I really felt like um You know, it's not any different than a dating app because the men are shown these pictures I you know, I was interviewed for this so that they had me in their database and they would select me Um, you know, it was really flattering that, you know, they would fly in and just take me out to dinner But um, I only did that three times Okay, and it But how'd you feel about the process itself? Did you feel like they did a good job vetting for you? I don't the honestly, I don't think they really vet. It's just they I mean the client is the guy and so it's not so they just want to set them up with beautiful women That's you know, or thank you or or they just I don't know how they do it Do they go through a database and say what about this one? What about that one? So that I'm not sure how it works So I want to give you my thoughts on this because what you were on that matchmaking service you were known as a resource In other words, they they had men they had women in the database for the men that paid for okay Well, I've been the opposite. I've been the resource for a matchmaking service to charge women And now the one thing is the matchmaker I knew was a personal friend. So she Knew my personality. She knew me. So she knew she I think she knew I was a good guy Okay, now the women and she was a friend. She wanted to help set me up Right. Um, the challenge is you know Chemistry isn't something that you can you know, you can't put it on paper. Yeah, you can't put it on paper So well now let me rewind for a second. We're watching a show called the indian matchmaker Oh, yeah, okay for those who are not familiar on netflix is the indian matchmaker. It just started their third season. We start research Research for me. Okay. What's interesting and something I read in a blog by ariel ford If you don't know who ariel ford is she wrote the book called soulmate secret in her blog today She talked about the indian matchmaker About the indian matchmaker says look if you get 60 of what you're looking for you're ahead of the game The problem is and you know the matchmaker is rolling her eyes saying how the people are so picky Right, you know the challenge with the matchmaker is that she does put quality people in front of them But oftentimes our ego gets in the way Of of actually finding a good partner. So here's the thing our matchmaking service is worth it You know, it is a big investment. Uh, it's a spoke in the wheel What I'd like to do in my private coaching is to teach you how to become your own matchmaker So by the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me and a link in the description below If you need some support with that donna, I can help you become your own matchmaker All right, let's keep swimming here Um, oh melanie says because marie speaks her truth Uncomfortable or not it it builds trust and some might heart It might be hard to hear but it builds trust, you know, as she she has your best interest You know coming back to what she shared previously about the deodorant thing I was really impressed that I didn't say this earlier, but I just want you to know I knew that was uncomfortable. It was certainly uncomfortable for me to hear Um, thankfully I don't smell like a you know Whatever be all day long kind of thing. Um, so but I really appreciated your your honesty and Since women constantly tell me how they want to have an honest communicate communicative relationship It starts by speaking up And he jumps in the shower. Yeah and put on the other one. Okay. He put on my deodorant Oh, well, you said it worked better. So all right. So thank you so much for that melanie. Let's keep swimming here Uh, let's see Wanda writes a question My my best friend says I feel safe with the air fryer guy But because he's not my type and I don't want to feel anything for him How do I get myself to start feeling again for my type? You know, I think when we Did you have a thought well, I want to make sure I don't cut you off Oh I do have a thought. Okay. It's like when you go out to buy a dress And you know, you go straight for the stuff, you know, you like, you know, you're like, you know, you're like This is what I'm going to try on and then the the salesperson Suggest something you're like, oh, no, that's not my type of style And then you try it on and you go darn. I never thought I'd like this So that's how I feel it. Oh interesting So, you know what I think about the problem with our type is the box we create And we talked about that. Yeah, but it's also because we we're you know, we're stuck in what we think We want or what, you know, our box. Yeah that we're not we don't like Try and deviate to something else because okay, this is my type. This is not my type Okay, so in all you weren't my type and you weren't my type you lived far away and I wanted someone younger than me Okay, I wasn't your type. What's your type? Oh because I wore jeans and flip-flops He told me he was a shorts and flip-flops kind of guy and I you know, I like dressing nice And I thought I don't know. I don't know now everyone says I dress nicer on my videos Um, okay, so we weren't each other's type But I think where we were each other's type what matters most Is in our character in our communication style in our ability to be Compassionate towards one another our our values were aligned and eventually where we differed like our lifestyle differences You know our style differences. Look at look at me. I'm dressing up a little bit nicer. I wear a sport coat What's my shirt? We gotta straighten you up. Yeah, my shirt isn't quite fitting on right So the thing is is what your type might be might be your block from a trip because what matters most Is character to me? That's the most important thing and within compatibility is communication styles um I think also being with a giver versus with someone who's a taker, you know You know best relationships are where both people come to give. Yeah, and I told you Robin statement Well and dating is a is a process of taking Oh, okay. So I'm evaluating you to see if you fit me instead of Am I gonna fit for you like if you're not coming at it by saying how can I give? Instead of like, okay, I'll give you an example. He didn't pay, you know, he you know He didn't pay for the date, you know kind of thing. That's an argument of of expecting Well, I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying that argument isn't coming from a giver. It comes from a taker Yeah, but there's a lot that plays into something like that I get that but my point is when I hear women argue about it. That's coming from a place of taking not giving Well, because if they're looking for somebody that that's generous and giving I could see how that would be a disappointment. I get the disappointment But when you complain about it, it's an energy of taking Okay versus an observation of it. Anyway, that's just my two cents on that This is where people are going to probably start complaining about me in a minute. All right, let's keep going here I hope I answered your question. Wanda Uh, Kristen says, hi, Jonathan. I've been falling for years. I'm so happy for you What a beautiful woman inside an exact out an example for us singles. Thank you. I wanted to give you Okay, miss meadows says question. I'm 49 new boyfriend is 52 I vetted him Relentlessly first healthy relationship of my life. I swore not to have sex until we were in love We just said I love you to each other now what? I know what go ahead. What were you gonna say? No, I wasn't gonna say anything. I was gonna say now have sex Fuck your brains out. Oh my god. I said the f word Have fun. Go have sex That's what's next build a relationship with each other Uh, Jonathan should be easy since you're a dating relationship coach No, I can be a pain in the ass because of what I do for a living You see she nods her head love dreaming peach says Question how far apart do you guys live how far apart did you used to live apart? Also? You are so cute. Both of you. Well, thank you. Uh, we lived I lived in chicago and he lived in california And uh now we live in the same place. Yeah, so that lasted for five months Until we moved in together and we actually got a place together we I moved out of my place You moved out of your place. So we signed a lease together. So we're stuck with each other for how long She was talking about breaking the lease. No, I'm kidding We were having a joke the other day about that. Anyway, I hope that answers your question Oh my god, just even saying what I just said is going to spark. You know, who would I comment? Okay, uh genie writes question Um Why are some men so stupid to talk sex right away? Because that's what men are always thinking about It's true. Yeah, you know we What was that, uh, what was that uh, remember the thing about the wires and the remember the brains? Oh, yeah, the the women's brain the man's brain is a bunch of cabinet like Boxes boxes boxes and then there's also a nothing box and then go to that nothing box But but the biggest box but the biggest box in our brain is what box? Sex, okay, and then the woman's brain is just a bunch of wires all So women are oftentimes while having sex thinking oh, I forgot to take out the trash I forgot to put away the dishes. I forgot to do that The clothes are still in the water And guys like when am I gonna come? Okay, that's just guys that's why we talk sex right away. Well, you know what why men talk sex right away is also to test your boundaries Yeah, but you know there's I threw a sexual innuendo on our first day and and I gave it right back to you but But I mean that that's different than someone that's already talking sex like to me it wasn't talking sex Yeah, that was just throwing out a little innuendo. Yeah, and I think guys do that. We're just testing your your You know your whether I was gonna go home with it Yeah, but it's not so much that but also to see how playful you are and if I was met with resistance I probably you would have been kind of Cruel not cruel to me But you would have created a wall and then would have never went anywhere. I take responsibility It was a risk, but I kind of felt that Well, we had a couple drinks in this too. So plus I'm chill. Yeah, you're chill By the way, she's chill. By the way, it's not men are attracted to women who don't try hard Men are attracted to women who are chill. We love chill women or at least I do Okay, uh So Sharon says run Marie. He's a narcissist Thank you Well, that's funny. That's funny because I really am familiar with a narcissistic Personality and do I even come close to a narcissistic personality disorder? No, no Okay, do I apologize? Yes, I take ownership when I make a mistake. Yes, you do. Do I have empathy? Yeah, okay. Let's not talk. All right, even though i'm a leo On the world revolves around me. Okay question How did you get how did you let him know you liked him? I recently started practicing tango with a man. He flirts we talk we're planning more dancing Would you initiate a coffee or just wait? Um You know, I I never had a problem um, I think I may not be an expressive communicator, but I think I'm a good communicator and if I was um if I was interested and I would say something like hey, you want to go out for coffee after this or You know, I really enjoy hanging out with you. I don't know a problem saying stuff like that So in our first communication, you know, we talked for an hour And then I didn't follow up with a phone call and you initiated a phone call And I told you on that phone call that I didn't like our first phone call Yeah, and then we passed forward he he we spoke for four hours Well, but but my point is is that you initiated that phone call I know we jokingly say you chase but initiating and making effort isn't chasing You know, so in this particular case dana you can make effort say hey, would you like to get a cup of coffee? Like why is that such a why do Why is there a belief that that's a no-no? That's just saying you're a human being right? I'd like to do it to me. So I What you're a human being and I'd like to take you out to coffee You want to go out for coffee? Yeah, I mean like I'll go Tuesday. It's not go to. Oh, let's go out for a drink later But folks, it's not it's just that simple. You can simply say You can be a woman saying it to a guy. Hey, would you like to get a cup of coffee? Well, and here's the thing you you already have something in common. Yeah, you're doing something. You're having fun You know, I think you said you had seen been dancing a couple of times. Yeah, they go dancing I would absolutely say do you want to go out? You know grab a bite. Do you want to do I you know? I want to talk to you I had a woman once we met through uh, facebook She had saw one of my videos on scene. Thank you for the correction. She'd seen one of my saw scene I'd seen one of my videos and um And so she wrote me a message said I really liked one of your videos and I said wow and I looked at her profile picture I'm like, you're cute. You want to get a cup a drink and she said yes During the date, you know what she said to me If you asked me out on a date, I'd say yes I'd like that. I like that. She said if you'd asked me out on a date, I'd say yes So I initiated the my point is Dana is you initiate coffee If during the coffee, there's some connection between the two of you You can simply say hey, by the way, if you would ask if you asked me out on a date, I'd say yes That's making effort It now it puts him in an awkward position because if he goes, okay, I you know, let me think about it You know, whatever he says, but at least it lets him know it takes it from a Friendship capacity to something more Well, I think that that's a great idea. Okay to say something like that That's probably something that I I would have done being in that situation because you have Yeah, because you know like I You want you have to communicate like, you know, I I like you we're doing this having so much fun You know, if you really wanted to go out on a date with me, I'd really I Know I would welcome the opportunity. Yes. How I say welcome the opportunity to get to know you better Okay, get to know you better. See that's see that's okay. Dana. Did we help you out? I hope we do Okay Uh Let's keep swimming or cruising with Alayna. Elaine Elaine Elaine whatever god. I'm terrible with names Elena Elena question. How did you learn how to do your makeup? Looks so very professional looks good Actually trial and error But didn't you watch uh videos? Um, I I did for some things, but um, but mostly it was trial and error And then you'd see a picture yourself and go. Ooh, I'm not doing that again Now you use a mirror and lights to help you I do I have um, so it was my dream thing when I got I got all new furniture when I moved into this new place And I wanted a makeup like, you know, like hollywood glam table with all the lights and stuff and yeah So so she has a glam table in the bedroom And so I feel like a star and you can see everything and then I have a you know, well, you are a star All right, let's keep I hope you answer. Thank you. That's real sweet of you. Okay, uh, let's keep swimming Rachel says thanks for the shout out. You're very welcome. She's one of our members here Uh, let's keep going Question Nicole says Marie, what are your thoughts about the red pill narrative with men? I know you don't know what that means So the red pill narrative is well, I mean my clip note version of it is that the feminist movement ruined relationships You know, I I'm giving you the clip note version of that. I wasn't alive and dating during the The feminist movement early on. Yeah So like yeah, you hear about You know, it's just what we've all heard I don't I don't I don't I'm not a feminist my daughter I'm thinking about my daughter because you know, she's young and she's very you know, very much about Doing her own thing and paying for her own things and that Um, so I don't does it ruin relationships? I'm not well. I believe women's empowerment Is healthy because what did we talk about? Okay, so I said how women give their power away in relationships Which is basically a narrative that used to be for centuries women were property They were known as chattel women were second class citizens I'm all in favor of a woman's empowerment. Now. I'm not in favor of women who act controlling I'm not in favor of women who act Uh condescending. I'm not favor of women who are critical. I'm not in favor of women who stonewall play hard to get I'm not in favor of women who are defensive all of those behaviors might be associated with Feminists, but that's not what the movement is about. It's about a woman's empowerment. Can women be absolute bitches in relationship? Yeah, but men can be absolute jackoffs jackoffs jackasses jerks and assholes I was trying to put those two together and they can be narcissists. They can be sociopaths. So human So can women. Oh god. Yeah so can women um, so it's I The equality had to happen because women cannot Be doing the same job as a man and get paid less. That is unacceptable. Yeah to me. That's unacceptable But I don't think um as far as relationships if you are from a different culture That's an issue because some men, you know, women are still they have to stay in their place Oh, what's the 90 day fiance the other way? What's the cup of the blonde hair gal? Oh with that Egyptian guy And it's like the Egyptian man wants a subservient woman And to me ladies, I'm not in favor of that. So coming back to the red pill narrative I'm I know Marie isn't as familiar But my opinion that this women's empowerment is a necessity for a healthy happy relationship ladies You are in charge of your relationship destiny. Don't that leave that up to a guy. Okay All right, let's keep swimming Elena says Marie is even more gorgeous today Oh, thank you All right, let's keep swimming see Now before you get to the next question So I have two sons that are married to very powerful women and one is a bigger what breadwinner and But they're like they're team players. Yeah, so in for my kids. They love the fact that their women are very empowered Oh, yeah, and they're very a team in their relationship And they're great moms. They're great partners. They're I You know, I couldn't be happier. I love my two daughters. All right Question from Melanie. I'm transitioning to living with my fiance after a year I Wait, I'm on the verge of being an empty nester. How without Placating do I split time between my four kids and my new life? Oh Well, I have four kids How many grandkids do you have? I will have my fifth one First week of june. Okay so I go to Chicago every six to eight weeks And I see the two that are there and the ones that are here. We see them once a month at least, you know Everybody's busy. Everybody's working, but you know, you just make it happen I think what we both do is we make time for our family. Our family is an integral part of our relationship We get together with her two kids here. We get we have dinner with my son Every about a month. We go out. We have a good time. I think it's important to Not placate but work as a team, you know, so I okay I'm not a very demanding of mary's time. We're both not It's interesting. I want to share something with everyone. So you were out of town for 10 days Um, when you're out of town, I don't care if we speak on the phone or not I mean, I'm not when I say I don't care. I'm not dependent upon that communication I'm not jonesing for that communication I do appreciate when we do communicate, but I know so many people when they're apart They feel this desperate need to communicate. Why don't I feel that we need and I don't think you feel I think you feel the same way is we're secure in our relationship When two people are secure in a relationship, there isn't this need to constantly be filling space with one another Well, and the other thing is that You know, you know, I'm busy when I'm there I'm you know, I don't have my phone with me all the time when you're chasing a toddler But you're not also chasing me down if we didn't speak that night. It wasn't like, okay, no big deal You know, so anyway, I'm just pointing out when you're in a secure relationship You don't have this need to smother each other for time is where I was going with that Okay, did you get the house clean? I kept the house clean Question do you help married couples or just dating folks? Hmm Well, I have helped married couples lately. I've had women reach out to me I've actually spoken to some boyfriends of relationships Not I've actually been asked to speak to a husband merely just to have a conversation So yes, I can but typically I work with um single and you With friends you've mediated. Yeah, I've actually mediated a couple of couples. That's right. I forgot about that Hey, I want to give a shout out to leaf one of the members of our group leafs in the house. Thanks so much Tanya wants to know marie. How's your shoulder doing? My shoulder's getting better. It's you know, slow. It's a slow process, but uh, I went to See my therapist today and and he's working on it. Okay. Well, thank you for asking All right question from nicole To expand upon the red pill question a lot of red pill men say that women are useless after age 30 and that They and they tell all men Wait, and they tell men of all ages to only date younger women. What are your thoughts on that? Okay so There is this there's this talk you're not familiar with it that a woman's sexual market value is only good till she's 30 years old Okay, so that's her sexual market. So my daughter then is she's past her prime. Yeah, so sadly She's past her prime. Okay. So now they're in within the red pill community They all say that women hold all the cards when dating Okay, that women hold all the cards And that because women are way too picky. They're letting Men of you know of a certain you're letting a lot of good men slip through the cracks Okay Now my belief is this first off a person's value Look at betty white was 99 and she was still rocking it out there So it doesn't matter what age you are as far as sexual market value. Look at My sweet arts a year older than me. I know you don't like well, you don't care that I bring that up But it has nothing to do with age. I mean it can for some people I do believe women can be overly picky women do hold the cards when it comes to sex Here's the bigger problem in the red pill community that isn't talked about men hold the cards with commitment Men hold all the cards because men traditionally do the asking of marriage. They say they want to take you into their life So women so think about it sex happens well before anyway, where's my Sex happens here. Well commitment you have to well, we're going to take it slow Not we but the guys say we're going to take it slow So this is the problem a lot of red pill narrative conversations in my opinion are missing the deeper conversations They're talking all about the surface instead of the real question What does it take for two couples to actually build a life together? That's the most important question that I prefer answered. So anyways Um, and art and soul says red pill men are bitter. I believe that could be the case. Okay Um, where are these red pill men? Oh, it's the whole there's there's just it's out in the You don't follow the news of the way I or the relationship news like I do and be grateful that you don't because there's a lot of chatter out there That's useless in my opinion Um, rachel says you're hitting on you're hitting upon a big reason why I've avoided relationships I tend to fall into the limerence. Fortunately, I've been building a secure solid Sense of self and now get worth from the inside. So limerence is that infatuation That's awesome. Yay way to go for you Okay Wanda, I don't know who the air fryer got what the air fryer is So I appreciate you brought it up. There isn't really the air fryer is the only good night doll thing when you hang at night is just Being sweet or wants more. I don't understand your question sometimes. So I apologize But thank you for posting a question Wait s dot says why should men commit since empowered? Uh women are giving the vj vagina away for free Well, here's the thing sex is part Sex is part of the dating process. I mean to to determine if two people are Compatible with one another sexually. I think the problem is it's happening way too soon Without some level of commitment meaning monogamy and exclusivity I think if two people well, do you agree if two people are going to have sex together? It should be monogamous Okay, so um and when we agreed to what we when we had sex we agreed that you know We would be monogamous and exclusive with one another. He read me the whole list Oh, I read my dating vows. By the way folks, okay in the link below is the dating vows I'm going to put it up on a banner here so you can read it here. I'm going to read this out loud This is my dating vows Okay, this is an agreement two people have if they're going to have regular sex together You laugh at this don't you I do because at first I you know like we This is like the third time we saw each other. Okay, but I thought I thought okay. That's pretty intense for Well, but if we were going to be intimate with one another I wanted some agreement here Okay, I'm the guy doing this but if a woman said this is the agreement I agree. I am marine. I both said I agree to explore the process to get to know you at the intent to declare something serious In the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree not to actively seek to meet date others while we're in the dating process Including taking down our dating profiles I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus Pulling back ghosting and disappearing and I agree to invest regular time together in the process of getting to know you Which looks like spending x amount of time together So if you'd said this to the guy who wanted to take it slow, what would have happened? Well, I already knew at that point that you didn't want a relationship. Okay, but the point is ladies Sex we can all look at sex as something casual or we can look at something that means something in my opinion The minute you be you have a physical Um connection with someone and an emotional connection if that doesn't work out It can fuck with us. Yeah when listen you've had guys break up with you It it hurt. Yeah, okay Now while there was no guarantee and there are no guarantees whether you get married or make this agreement to one another What you want to weed out are the looky lose the people who are clearly not ready for a relationship because they were so wounded from their Past relationships and they haven't healed from them. So folks I'm a big proponent of asking deeper questions in the early stages and dating dating relating Okay, this will be our last one for the evening genie from our my midlife love mastery group says How many men do you think would sign the dating contract? That's uh, okay. I let me just read this to you genie This is on the very bottom if you get a copy of the dating vows, you'll see this 90 percent of men will bail on this because there are thousands of women who love sex without any commitment agreement whatsoever If all women band together going forward this will if they all said the dating vows going forward and keep and Lived up to it. This will change how men treat and view sex But in the meantime if he does agree you have a better chance of commitment than the guy who doesn't But I I really do believe that it's I think the timing of this has to be right Well, otherwise, I do you wait till 10 seconds before sex? No, no, but I mean like if you pop this out when you're having coffee on the first date No, you're gonna think this chick is cycle No, but this is look at if to if he's expressing interest in you if he's expressing physical interest in you First off make sure no alcohol is involved because that's going to change everything But if he's expressing interest saying hey look I just need you to know something about myself When I'm physically intimate with somebody I like to be monogamous not sleep with other people and if I'm exploring intimacy with someone That means I don't want to explore intimacy with someone else sexual intimacy So the other thing is You know, that's the time to say hey for me Let's do some you know some testing here. Yeah, you could do an std test or whatnot But ultimately go if he says no, I'd like to explore a relationship. Well, guess what? I've got something handy to talk to you about these are the dating vows It used to be wedding vows remember before a guy could get laid. He had to marry you Well, this is doing a little bit of due diligence beforehand And kassandra says you're right jonathan. Well, thank you so much You know what? I want to take you out for a drink tonight. Okay All right, stock go tuesday. Let's have a margarita and some guacamole folks I want to thank you all so much for joining us tonight. I hope you found value at men are varied attracted To women who don't try hard. Actually, we're really more attracted to chill women Who have an easygoing personality a lot more than how much an effort is important So let me just end on that note All right, I'm going to end this video as I always do. Can I give you a big gigantic jonathan bear hug? Can I get one back? Thank you. All right, folks. I want to thank Elena and genie and estad and pam and margaret and kassandra and jj and arthur and gw and leaf and Let's see wand. I already said that nicole everyone. Thanks so much. Have a great evening. Bye everyone be well