 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Johnathan Assey of JohnathanAssey.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the five feminine signals that make a man crazy about you. We're gonna talk about that in a second. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content or new videos. And at any time during this video, if the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Lastly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if F-bombs aren't your thing, I suggest logging off right now. And one last thing I just wanna say, these are my perceptions, my opinions. By no way do I mean this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. If this resonates with you, great. If it doesn't, that's okay too. But I just wanna give you a heads up. These are my perceptions and my opinions. Really quickly I gotta take care of one last thing here. And that is, okay, on Instagram. All right, so let's jump into the topic of the five feminine, five feminine signals that make a man crazy about you. So you know what's so interesting to me is that the dating, mating and relating realm is mixed with a variety of different people. There are people looking for a serious relationship. There are people looking for a casual relationship. There are people looking for friends with benefits relationships. Sometimes people are just out on a date because they want a free meal. It really covers the whole gamut. And I tend to be more focused on folks who are seeking partnership. I'm gonna repeat that. Folks that are seeking partnership with one another. In other words, whether it's living together, getting married or having some resemblance of partnership with one another, most of my advice or most of my perceptions and opinions are based on that desire. So when someone's in that space, they're a lot different in the dating, mating and relating realm versus those people that are seeking casual or haven't even made up their mind what they want. I'm gonna repeat that. There is a lot of people out in the dating, mating and relating realm that haven't even made up their mind what they want. They operate from the premise of, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. My premise is more like this. When you believe, you will see it. When you believe, you will see it. When you believe, you'll see it. And when you start with the belief that you want a partnership in life, you operate differently when it comes to going out there and finding a mate for yourself. Okay, with that said, I've witnessed a lot of women, a lot of women who give their power away in the dating, mating and relating. I keep saying dating, mating and relating. It's kind of alliterative. But I say that I see Whitman continually give their power away to men. And they do it in a variety of ways. They're waiting for the guy to always initiate contact. The relationship is all based on his terms. Or worse, they're afraid to speak up to a guy because they're afraid he will leave the relationship. And nothing about what I just shared with you is sexy to what I'll call a high value man. I'm gonna repeat that, what I call a high value man. High value man, basic, ever woman, we can say this, for the most part, has their shit together. In other words, they have their life together. They're not in constant chaos in their life. Maybe they're not going through a contentious divorce. They're not going through job issues. And I mean this not from a situational perspective because a lot of people lost their jobs during COVID and whatnot. But I mean, their just life is in chaos. Well, that's not a high value person. And what I mean by high value, I simply mean it in the context of differentiating people that are seeking partnership in life versus those that are kind of walking around going, I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. And so coming from that perspective, and it's not just about having their life in order. They have a sense of emotional IQ. They actually take care of their physical health. So those are the type of people that I want most. Let me rewind that. I'm encouraging at least my female audience to focus on those types of guys, those guys that are actually intentional, those guys that want partnership versus those guys that I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. I want companionship. I want connection. I want sex. But I have no idea what I want to do in relationship. So if you want to focus on those, we'll call it high value men, what do you have to do differently? Well, that's what I want to lean into today. And what I'm about to share is not based on gender, even though the topic is the five feminine signals, these signals, men should be doing it just as much as women, okay? And it really centers around what I call emotional maturity, emotional maturity. If you follow my work, you're very familiar with my relationship iceberg. And for those on Instagram, there it is. And for those in YouTube, I want you to take a look at that, the relationship iceberg. And at the top is chemistry. It's the tip of the iceberg. And below that is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And attraction is above the waterline because that's the first thing we kind of see is whether or not there's chemistry with someone. What's most important in the area of compatibility is do we share the same values? Is there blendable lifestyles and lastly emotional maturity? And as we check these boxes off, the waterline drops and we become more and more attracted to the person. So I just wanted to lay the foundation because what really turns on a guy who wants to be in a serious relationship, who is intentional about being in a serious relationship. In fact, he's intentional in the dating process. Is a woman who gives off, not gives off, is quite frankly a woman who has emotional IQ, emotional maturity. And sadly, most human beings are stunted at emotional maturity at best. They're really quite stunted at best. And I know a lot of women think that they're far more emotionally mature than men, but I can tell you from witnessing this over and over again, for every guy that you think is emotionally immature, there is a woman who's emotionally immature. So if all men are mostly immature, then all women are emotionally immature, but that's not the case. Just most people are stunted in emotional maturity because they're suffering on the inside. They're suffering on the inside. In fact, the number one emotional health issue facing everybody and dating triggers this like nobody's business is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. This is oftentimes a result of childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that go unhealed. This is why if you follow my work, I continually repeat the same things over and over again. The importance of doing, reading this book called the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. And if you haven't, if this is the first time on my channel, I highly recommend you checking it out. Check out the link below to Jonathan recommends books because this is where I have all my books listed. What I wanna introduce you to that is it's a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas that cause our negative patterns, our limiting beliefs, our for lack of a better word, our bad behavior as adults. Because quite frankly, as I said a moment ago, men and women are struggling in this area of emotional maturity equally. So what are the five signs of emotional maturity? Well, if you've watched some of my other videos and I speak about it frequently, number one, your actions match your words, your actions match your words. You know, it's interesting. I'm a single man, I'm out in the dating realm and I can't tell you how many flaky women I come across in the form of communication. In fact, it's kind of funny in the last 30 days I had one woman we were interacting on a dating app. She said, give me your phone number. I'd like to reach out to you, never heard from her. I don't know how many times on dating apps. And by the way, this is after, let me be clear about something. She wrote me a long letter on match.com. I mean, not a long letter, a pretty, well, a very kind, sweet and lengthy letter on match.com telling me how much she was impressed by my profile and everything. And I responded, I think it was a day or two later. She then responded a day or two later, said, you know, what's your phone number? I'll reach out to you and I gave her my number. She flaked, okay? That's not a sign of emotional maturity if your actions don't consistently match your words. And by the way, for the record, I see she's online all the time. So it's not like she got in a car accident and died, okay? And that's just one of them. I mean, I could go through list after list and list of examples of how women's behavior is no different than male behavior in that the actions don't match their words. So someone like me who considers himself high value and I give myself that label, you know, humbly speaking. And believe me, I'm a train wreck as much as anybody else out there. I have my issues in the world. But for someone like me, that's a turnoff, okay? Number two, you take personal responsibility for your choices. You take personal responsibility for your choices. What's interesting in the dating realm, we oftentimes when we're going out on dates with someone will ask about their past relationships. And nothing screams victim consciousness, like when someone points the finger at their ex-spouse as being the problem and taking no ownership on their part. And I've had circumstance after circumstance after circumstance. In fact, I remember this was about four or five months ago I was speaking to the woman on the phone and she was going on and on about the last guy she dated was a narcissist. But she kept saying, well, I've done the work to heal. I've done the work to heal. The fact that she kept repeating it over and over in a one and a half hour conversation leads me to believe she's not over it and she took zero accountability for her part in that relationship. I'm not saying this indicative of people that have experienced narcissistic behavior, but unless you have to call a doctor and attorney or a policeman, we do have culpability on our part and a true emotionally mature person has victor consciousness and not victim consciousness as their way of operating. Now let me be clear about victim. I am in no way meaning if someone has been physically assaulted or truly verbally abused that they aren't a victim to those circumstances, but it's a consciousness. In other words, it's taking no ownership and what's really attractive that drives a guy crazy a high value man is someone who takes ownership in their life. Okay, number three, I call it fighting fair, fighting fair. Now here's the tricky part about fighting fair for many of women because the reality is is feelings aren't facts. Feelings aren't facts. And what I mean to say, how you might feel about a circumstance might be completely different about how someone else feels about a circumstance. An emotionally mature person expresses their feelings expresses their feelings in a kind loving way. They listen to the other person to allow them to express their feelings. They accept that that other person's feelings might be true for them. An emotionally mature person doesn't get into power struggles. It's not about being right. It's about finding that common ground when there's conflict in a relationship. That's why I call it fighting fair. And I can tell you most humans skills at conflict resolution is barely on a scale of one to 10 is a barely one, two or three. Again, this doesn't matter whether or not you have a penis or a vagina. This is a human thing, not singular to men, okay? And women struggle with emotional maturity just as much as men. Number four, this is empathy. We oftentimes associate females having greater empathy than men. I'm here to say as empathy certainly is I can feel your feelings, but empathy is also I care about the other person's feelings. And more so, I care about my own feelings. That's the deeper level of empathy. Ladies, as I said in the beginning of this live stream, I said, women give their power away. When you give your power away to a man, you've literally given your feelings to him as well. So that's not real empathy. A true empowered man or woman is standing in their sovereignty, their self-worth and self-esteem. This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? By the way, there's a link below. It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so you can start leaning into the deeper empathy of being able to express your feelings. In fact, chapter one of my book, Speak Your Truth, Do It With Kindness. And chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So what I'm here to say is, if you really espouse that you have empathy, well, then you better have empathy for oneself because without that, it's not very sexy. And I don't mean arrogance about oneself, okay? Look at, I'm a Leo, I have a bravado, I have a bit of arrogance. And at the same time, I know my worth and my invitation is for you to know your worth as well. And lastly, number five is transparency, transparency. If it's material to relationship, then you must speak up about it because what women oftentimes do is they stuff it, by the way, men do this too, but they stuff it under the rug, they stuff under issues under the rug, and then it explodes later. And by the way, the guy's going, fuck it, why didn't you tell me this months ago? A true emotionally mature person doesn't let things lie. In fact, that's a picture of my mom and dad for those that are interested about the pictures. Those are pictures of my boy and me there. My mom and dad married 66 years. One thing they told me, actually a group of their friends told me this as well, one of the rules they had in their relationship was we never went to bed mad. In other words, they made it a point, they had a rule, we resolve, we do our best to resolve our issues before midnight, before the following day. And it served them well. And so my invitation for you folks especially women who follow my work is if it's important to the relationship, you must speak up because it benefits him as well as you. But coming back to what I said earlier, you're afraid to do that because you're afraid he's gonna leave. And I'm here to say the right guy doesn't leave when you share your fears, your insecurities and your doubts. The right guy doesn't leave, only the wrong guy leaves. And many of you are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Folks, I'm here to encourage you. If you wanna start feeling good about yourself then do the work I recommend over and over again in these videos. I constantly am recommending a variety of different books because the reality is that I can't give you some five-part coaching program that's gonna make you magically emotionally healthy. I've invested over 3,000 hours in the last decade and a half to doing personal development, self-help and spirit. There's nothing easy about this. And the reward is peace of mind, a sense of serenity, a sense of, it's like a vaccination to emotional chaos. And many of you know I lost my 19-year-old son, Connor. There's a picture of him. There is nothing more emotionally chaotic that can happen to a human being's life or at least a parent's life than the loss of a child. And I will say, I am so happy that I did so much work in advance. So it prepared me like a vaccination to emotional chaos. And so that's why I continually recommend these two, everybody over and over and over again as my invitation because here's the thing. Look it, I could have given you the five feminine signals was flip your hair, give them a blow job. I mean, I could have said a hundred things. Why am I saying about emotional maturity? Why am I saying about emotional maturity because in the relationship, iceberg, emotional maturity is the biggest piece in this puzzle because without it, you can have a short-lived relationship just like the book, the rules. The rules get you into a short-lived relationship but you ain't gonna sustain the relationship if you don't have emotional maturity. Is this resonating with you? Is it sinking in? Please let me know by hitting that like button. All right, really quickly, just as a reminder, the five feminine signals, your actions match your words, you take personal responsibility for your choices. You know how to fight fair, you have empathy and you're transparent if it's material to the relationship. All right, that's the content portion of our live stream today. Now it's time for Q and A. And those who know me know my Q and A structure like this, if you're listening to the replay right now or you're listening to the podcast as well, this is only for those on the live stream and the live chat box. You can post a question by writing the word question and then posting the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker and Super Chat. All the funds from the Super Sticker Super Chat go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley, the one who passed away. Again, there's a picture of him right there. And that scholarship fund is to help defray the cost of personal development. I'm actually, I'm making donations to the Hoffman process and the insight seminars are just some places that I'm where the funds go to as well as those who are hiring me. And by the way, if you need some love and support in the area of coaching, check out the link to a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. You can schedule that call with me. This is for those who are ready to be coached and ready to learn how to vet for emotional maturity and how to ask better questions in the dating, mating or relating process. All right, time for questions. All right, Kristen is the first one I see. And the question says, oh, I got to clean my glasses. So hold on one second. The question says, I broke up with a guy because he didn't want to commit. When I agreed to just be friends, he got mad and hung up on me. What happened? I broke up. Okay, so, well, let me be clear about this. So you said, you broke up with him because he didn't want to commit. And you said, let's be friends. He hung up on you and you're asking what happened. Well, he got hurt. He didn't like that. He was, his ego was boosted, is most likely what happened or he cared about you deeply and felt very offended. And this whole thing about being friends can let's talk about being friends. What the fuck does that even mean being friends? Okay, and let me explain why I'm getting into this friends piece, because here's the thing. What does friends mean? Because does this mean an intimate friend where you share your feelings with them on a regular basis and you go to parties together on a regular basis? Or is someone that, your Facebook friend that you talk socially on occasions or say hi during Christmas and holidays and birthdays? There's a big difference, okay? Those who wanna continue friendships with a former lover, if there is any emotional connection with them or there's any desire to be with them or any desire to be with them sexually, it's almost impossible for two people to be friends. It's almost impossible. And I highly recommend not having intimate conversations with a former lover. Most people don't have the emotional maturity to be friends with a former lover. That's not to say you can't be friends, but the question, like I think of my ex-spouse and I, I don't consider a friend, I consider family now and we do occasionally get on the phone and mostly we talk about our son who passed away or some legal stuff that we have because we're still connected on some level. Let me just say that. When I say we're connected on some level, it's just we have another son together. So we're connected on some level, like our wills and things like that. So well, actually mine is separate, hers separate. Okay, and then I have a former relationship. We were together six years on and off. We ended the relationship. We then decided not to communicate as our emotional, we decided after the ending the relationship it'd be inappropriate to talk on an emotional level and we mostly talked on a surface level, how you doing, birthdays, that sort of thing. She eventually met a man, is in relationship, moved in with him and now we're better friends. In fact, she was so there for me when my son passed away. This is the exception. This isn't the rule. Most humans don't know how to be friends. So coming back to her post, you ended the relationship. His ego was bruised. He didn't want to be friends with you. He hung up. That's what happened. And by the way, since you're the one who did the ending, you have to own that piece for yourself and say, look, I recognize he didn't want, we were, basically his car went this way and your car went this way. You guys are driving down two separate streets. If you want a healthy, happy relationship you have to be on the same street driving cars relatively close to one another. So own that you left the relationship and be okay with that decision. Take some time to heal if you need it and then put yourself out there to be seen by a single eligible man. That's my invitation for you. So I kind of answered that question kind of full roundabout there. So by the way, folks, I'm a little bit dyslexic. So sometimes what's in my head doesn't come out of my mouth properly or the way I envision it. And I certainly have a hard time reading as well. So anyway, I just wanted to say that. All right. Great question. Thank you so much. All right. Wow, we got lots here. Todd says, Michelle, how tall are you? What state do you live in? Ah, look at even people are hitting on each other on my live chat. I love it. And she says she's in the UK in five three. There you go. Deborah says, hi, Jonathan. I'm watching you for the first time. Awesome. Thank you so much. Kay says, a right guy won't make me fear. If I feel fear about a guy, he's not right for me. How is it possible for me to feel to fear a man for a lifetime? There is no future with such a man. Exactly. Well said. Kelly says, I had a very odd day today but I forgive that guy. He needs healing and love. Forgive yourself. Love. We are all a mirror. Exactly. All right. If you have a question, post the word question or purchase a super sticker, super chat. All right. Oh, Michelle wants to know how tall Todd is. I wonder how tall is. By the way, folks, I'm six foot two, 203 pounds as of today. I thank my mom and dad for giving me heightened hair. Thanks, mom and dad. All right. Do we have any questions? I don't see any questions. Let's go swim in. Doug says, have one female friend only beautiful woman I met but we just didn't have that romantic connection. But good friends had dinner at a nice restaurant last Saturday, truly friends. Yes, it's absolutely, I mean, I believe men and women should have opposite sex friends. I think that's very important so we can get the perspective from the opposite gender. I think that's a healthy thing to have. I think when it's a former lover, it gets a little contentious. And again, if someone is dependent upon them emotionally or dependent upon them sexually, it's gonna be very difficult to keep that relationship healthy. All right, Deborah writes, by the way, I wanna say hi to everyone on Instagram. Deborah writes, why would a guy share his feelings but yet be inconsistent in communication? He does work a lot, but I'm not going to lie. This annoys the crap out of me, long distance relation. All right, right off the bat. You know, I had a theory about long distance relationships really. I think a lot of men choose long distance relationships for a couple of different reasons. First, and this isn't the one you're not gonna like, is a lot of guys are cheating. So what better way to cheat on your spouse or girlfriend is by having a long distance relationship, especially if you can incorporate work with it. So I'm not saying that's the case, but that's one reason. I think another reason why a lot of men choose long distance relationship is because they appreciate the part-time nature of the relationship. Let me repeat that, they appreciate the part-time nature. In other words, they get to see you. In that time they see you, you get to have this great sex and then you go back to your respective homes and then after the guy has, you know, for lack of a better word, ladies, you're not gonna like this. They've nailed you one or two times. They're gonna communicate less because they know you're hooked. They know you're hooked. And they're gonna communicate less because they really didn't wanna have incessant communication over and over and over again. I'm not saying men cognitively approach long distance relationships this way. I'm not saying it from a cognitive perspective. I'm saying this from a byproduct of unconscious human beings that choose long distance relationships. So now let's say he is genuine and he wants a serious relationship. The reality is is men don't like being on the phone all day long. Men, by the way, let me say this ladies, men don't bond through the telephone. Men don't bond through the telephone. I'm gonna tell you something. I've had 20,000 hours of telephone calls just in my coaching practice, okay? But I probably have had thousands of hours of phone calls with women I've dated or were in relationship with. I can't remember one phone call. I can't remember one phone call. But I do remember that time where one of the women I dated, we went for a hike at the Hollywood sign. I remember another time I went on a trip to Vancouver. I remember another time where we went on a trip to Chicago. I remember another time that we went to New York. I remember the time that we went to this party. I remember this time that we went to the wedding together, wedding together. My point is we don't bond through the telephone ladies. We bond through physical experiences, both sexual experiences and social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, and spending time with family and friends. So if your relationship isn't experiencing that, then he hasn't bonded with you strong enough other than your good female company that he can have sex with when you guys get together and your good female company when he wants to talk on the phone and he just wants some female energy. I said female energy, not feminine energy, female energy. That's, those are the reasons why that's just my speculation. That's not an absolute but you take it for what it's worth there. Thank you for asking that one, Deborah. I really appreciate it. Okay. If you have a question, post the word question then write the question there after or purchase a super sticker or super chat. I'd really appreciate it. Kay says, I can tell Jonathan is very tall. If I stand next to me, I'd look like a midget. I guess Jonathan is Irish man, tall, macho. It's not a hundred percent Irish. I could be Irish, Scottish. Folks, my parents, mom and dad are from Istanbul, Turkey. I was born here in the United States, actually in Hollywood, California but my parents were both first born in Turkey and I have dual citizenship, both a American and Turkish. I consider myself American though. All right. Nikki says, what is the best way to gently and gracefully disconnect from someone that you met on an online dating app so that it's respectful and lands as softly as possible? Oh, I love, love, love this question. Love this question. I'm gonna do this off the cuff real quick so let me think about that for a second. Nikki, I'd simply say something like this. In fact, I've done it myself before and it's easy to, by the way, if you're not gonna see someone you really didn't date, listen folks, unless you've had sex with someone and even if you've had sex with someone, if it's in the first 30 days or the first 60 days, these days you don't need to get in your car, drive to their house to say, oh, by the way, I'm breaking up with you. We don't need to do that. We can do that via email or text messaging. There's no need from a, when there isn't a true formed relationship together to actually do it face to face or even over the phone, although that's one method, but if you decide to do it over the phone or text message, you could simply say something like this. Tim, I just want you to know how much I appreciated the time to getting to know you. Just want you to know how much I appreciated the time to get to know you. And I've come to the conclusion for myself that we're not a match for one another. I'm gonna repeat that. I've come to the conclusion for myself that we're not a match for one another. And I'm gonna be moving on and at this point, I just truly wanna wish you all the best on your search for love. Now, that's a little cheesy to say that, but why not? You know, I wish you all the best on your search for love. It's definitive, it expresses it and it's simple. I'm gonna repeat that. It's definitive, it's expressive and it's simple and it's kind. It's kind. By the way, ladies, many of you are afraid, so afraid to actually speak up to men. This is why, again, I say you give your power away to men. It's okay to say you're not right for me. In fact, one of the chapters in my book is all centered around learning how to say no. Folks, a no is just as important as saying a yes. A no is just an absolute form of self-love. And what you're saying is no, you're not right for me. And by the way, if he comes back and tries to argue you there, then he's not listening to you. You're just saying, by the way, how many times has a guy tried to argue or convince you that you made a mistake or how many times have you tried to argue and convince the guy made a mistake when he ended the relationship? Folks, when someone wants to move on, that's, they are moving on. And by the way, unless they're playing a stupid rules game way of doing it, this is all manipulation kind of bullshit where you kind of throw out of, you know, throw, by the way, I wouldn't be surprised that it in the book rules and I've never read this but I wouldn't be surprised if it tells you to break up with a guy so he can fight for you and that proves his worth. Fucking manipulation. Now, I just made that up but I bet you it's in there because the whole narrative is set up for how do you trick people into loving you instead of coming from a heart-centered place. If you really wanna come from a heart-centered place, I highly recommend everybody reading the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. This is a true heart-centered way of leaning into a relationship and I invite everybody, encourage everybody to read this book. So, Nikki, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it, great question, thumbs up. By the way, if this content is resonating with you, please let me know, purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. Let me know this is resonating with you, it's landing with you and hit that like button as well. All right, Sarah says, question, is it okay to keep dating online if your significant other isn't committing? Is, okay, so here's the thing, folks. Listen, I'm a big proponent, I'm a proponent of partnership and being, in other words, being intentional, saying let's explore a relationship to decide if we should be good, we are partners for one another, we would be a good partnership. So, the minute you decide to be monogamous and exclusive, the minute you decide to be monogamous and exclusive, I'm a big proponent that you honor monogamy and exclusivity. Now here's the thing, I'm guessing by this question, they're not monogamous and exclusive. Look it, I'm not a big proponent of dating multiple people at the same time, especially if you're having sex with someone. Folks, this habitual trying to solve the problem by going to outside sources doesn't solve the problem because why do you wanna date others if you're in a relationship? Either try to make the relationship work or move on. Let me repeat that, try to make the relationship work or move on, if he's not committing, it's because the reality is is a lot of men don't wanna commit, why should we? Most guys can get the milk for free. You know that adage, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? And by the way, that isn't just sex, the milk isn't just sex, it's all of you for free without any make, so listen, I'm a real bastard right now when it comes to this. Listen, as for as many casual relationships as I had and I've been a jackass for a good chunk of my period after my divorce, I was a jackass. What I mean was I was fucked up, I was emotionally a train wreck, I was doing drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of all the depression I was feeling. And I wasn't ready for commitment, but boy, I used to go in saying, I want a relationship, I want a relationship and then three months later, I can't handle a relationship. And then I did it over and over again because I was fucked up emotionally. I wasn't an emotional grownup, emotional maturity. So why do you wanna choose people that aren't intentional? And why are you choosing? It's not just them not being intentional, but you're not being intentional ladies. One of the signs also of emotional maturity is you know your standards and you have boundaries around your standards. So let me give you an example of my standard that might help you. I'm, for example, on my dating app, it says I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either living together or getting married. That's my standard. So that's my standard. I invite you to come up with your own standard. The boundary is the other side of the coin and says I'm gonna keep to that standard. And if it doesn't meet that standard within reason then it doesn't make sense to continue. So I invite you to come up with your standard but listen, ladies, I work with hundreds of women a year. I can tell you most of them think of relationships up in the clouds, in the fantasy realm. Almost all of you think of it in the fantasy realm. You know, he'll just come and claim me because all I do is sit back in my feminine. That's all I need to do. Folks, until you get clarity on who's the right person for you, how to ask the right questions early on and how to vet for emotional maturity, you're gonna be doing what does Dr. Phil say? How's that working for you? The definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. So if you need help with that, check out a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, I went off on a tangent there but Sarah, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. And I wanna thank Kay for the super sticker of 999. I really appreciate that as well. All right, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Michelle says, I have more self-worth than to just jump into bed with someone straight away. It's not about jumping into bed straight away. Do you have your self-worth when you're hooked, when you're attached to a guy? Folks, many of you become attached thinking it's love, thinking that it's, you love the person when it's unhealthy attachment. I highly recommend everybody reading the book attached by Amira Levine and Rachel Heller. Okay, reading this book to understand unhealthy attachment style. So it's not about, and by the way, Elaine, or excuse me, I forgot who made that comment. I'm all for self-worth of not jumping into bed to go with someone too quickly. But true self-worth has to do with what do you do when the relationship has some bumps in the road to your standard and your boundaries, or do you just give your power away to a guy? That's true self-worth if you're holding on to your power, your self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Thank you, Michelle, I appreciate that. All right, and by the way, Magwad, the free discovery call is to see if working with a coach is right for you. So it's a call to decide if you want to hire a coach. All right, Judy says, how do you recognize a scammer on a dating site? I'll make it simple. You jump on a FaceTime within three communications. Let me repeat that. How do you recognize a scammer? You do a FaceTime with them within three communications. So, first communication goes back and forth, second communication goes back and forth by the time you give out your phone numbers, you arrange a Zoom call, a FaceTime call. That's the best and fastest way because scammers who live in Nigeria aren't gonna get on FaceTime with you. Those scammers that are using my photograph, and by the way, my photograph gets stolen hundreds of times a week, my photographs, are on hundreds of dating apps. I can't tell you how often every week I get an email from somebody saying, some guy named Tim who's 66 years old is using your pictures. Folks, get on a FaceTime right away. That's the simplest way to avoid a scammer because you can't, by the way, typical things are they're oftentimes widowers and they're oftentimes traveling, but a legitimate widower could be traveling. You get on a FaceTime right away and then you don't give them any attention until you actually get on FaceTime. That's the best way, the best way to avoid being scammed, not avoiding a scammer but being scammed. And never, ever, ever give money to a guy over the internet that you haven't met. I can't tell you how many women have given away tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, to men who are scam artists. So, all right, let's go swimming. Oh, and sin, thank you for the super sticker. I appreciate that. All right, Kelly writes, long distance relationship is either a yes or a no. Relocation will always come up. If you don't want to relocate one day, then you have your answer. It could work, but compromises are a must. Folks, let me tell you something. It is a waste of time to get into a long distance relationship. If, listen, if you don't have a plan of how you're gonna take distance short together. But it amazes me how few of you will talk about that but you'll let the penis inside the vagina without putting up much of a, I was gonna say a fight. But basically, by the way, you know the other benefit of long distance? It's almost guaranteed that when the guy comes out to see you or you come out to see him, you're gonna have sex together. And I will tell you, a lot of guys will travel to get laid once and will never see you again. I mean, and you might think, why would they do that? Because we can. It's rare that two people, when they hook up, hook up because that's what a long distance relationship oftentimes is a hook up. I'm not saying all the time, but oftentimes, it's a bubble. They get have sex. And then the guy does the dysfunctional moonwalk. And how do I know this? Because I did it, lots of times. I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud of my behavior. I was a train wreck. By the way, what you really wanna determine is how fucked up a guy is. That's why schedule that discovery call with me because the reason why I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity because I was the guy you didn't wanna date. One of the reasons why I'm a dating coach and I shout the way I do because I've been the guy you shouldn't be dating. I've been the guy you shouldn't be dating. So I can recognize the behavior of men who are dysfunctional and I wanna help you avoid it. Look, I've often said, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date with the shotgun and pointed at the guy and say, what's your intentions? I wish I could do that for you. You've gotta learn to do that for yourself. And this is why I shout at the top of my lungs. I shout at the top of my lungs. So maybe you shift behavior and start going, wow, the definition of insanity is if I do the same thing over and over again, I might not get that different result that I fantasized about. Folks, many of you are suckling on the fantasy of what a relationship is without understanding the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. This is why I continually recommend the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. I highly recommend reading this so you can understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. Because when you understand the mechanics, you're less likely to fall for a relationship that isn't real. Kelly, thanks so much for bringing that up. I appreciate it. Sin, thank you for that super sticker. I appreciate it. All right, question. Let's go swim in sin sets. How long do I wait and how do I approach a new guy about reading Eight Dates with me? How long do I wait? How long do I, how do I approach it? So here, listen, by the way, my perceptions goes against all the rules of most every one of the dating coaches out there because most dating advice is manipulative. I'm a little bit different. I am encouraging intentionality and radical honesty. I'm gonna repeat that. I'm encouraging intentionality and radical honesty. So if two people start spending time together, you've gone on one, two, three dates, you absolutely establish somewhere between the first date and before you have sex together, what specifically you're looking for in a relationship and what does commitment look like for you? I'm gonna repeat that. You establish what you're looking for in a relationship and what does this commitment look like for you? And then you ask them, what are you looking for in a relationship and what does commitment look like for you? When a guy starts going like a deer in the headlights, I don't know what commitment is. I just want something casual. I don't want anything serious. God, if you're putting too much pressure on me, you want something serious, I just want something casual. Folks, you have every right to desire something serious, especially if you're gonna be fucking each other. Gosh, look it, I'm not against casual sex, but at least be upfront about it for yourself. If that's not what you want, then be intentional right from the get-go. So about the book eight dates, the reason why I recommend this, if two people, look at, I'm very upfront. If by the time I have sex with someone, I'm assuming I wanna spend time with them, I'm saying that, and I wanna explore a relationship, that's about the time, somewhere between the fourth date, the 10th date, or within the first 90 days. By the way, these are for people that are seeing each other on a regular basis, the long distance relationship. Those are clusterfucks, as I said before. So you take your risk with the long distance. You better be really intentional and you better have a plan on how to live close by. And folks, I gotta crack up for a second. I don't know how many of you have reached out to me. Jonathan, I'm in a relationship for seven months with a guy, and I need some help getting commitment. I'm like, great, how often do you see each other? Oh, I've only seen him once in seven months. Folks, once in seven months is in a relationship. It's a pen pal. Many of you are in pen pal relationships and not relationships, not day-to-day, face-to-face relationships. And by the way, everyone who knows my work knows this. It takes a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to hit level one, stage one of trust, trusting another person. It takes a hundred hours of face-to-face time doing shit together. And face-to-face time doesn't count the weekends. I'm talking about where you spent 72 hours together. I'm talking about the max you get is eight hours a day. So when it's gonna take 20 days, 10, eight hour days. 10, eight, roughly about 15, eight, not 15, 13, eight hour days, 13, eight hour days to establish the first layer of trust. But you build trust faster and you build intimacy much faster when you read this book. Let me just say this. A lot of you are reaching out to me saying, Jonathan, thank you so much for recommending this book. The guy I'm dating is reading this book too and it's really helping us decide if we're a right fit for each other. You know, it's interesting. When I got married, we did the pastor that was marrying us, we did some couples counseling. And it was a rudimentary version of eight dates. I mean, really base-level version of eight dates. And I could give two shits about it at the time. In retrospect, I wished I did it because we were so not right for each other. The way, you know, a lot of things about us weren't right for each other. I wished I, well, actually I don't wish it because I'm so grateful for both my boys even. Oh, shit, now I'm gonna get sad. Even my son who passed away. I'm grateful for the relationship even though it didn't go the distance. And so, all right, come back. All right, let me just take the next question or I'll get emotional right now. All right, let's go swimming, let's go swimming. Sadie asks, Jonathan, are you exclusive and committed in different, wait, are exclusivity and commitment different things to you? Great question. So, I think monogamy means, you know, penis and vagina is just for one another, okay? So that's monogamy to me. Exclusivity means I'm only dating you and you're only dating me. That's exclusivity. Commitment means an agreement that we're going to explore a relationship together that possibly leads to partnership. That's what commitment means to me. So first, monogamy and exclusivity. Nope, having sex with other people because I'm a big, I don't wanna catch cooties from someone else. Well, along COVID, but exclusivity is if I'm investing in you and taking you out on dates and you're investing me and taking on dates, I really would be pissed off to find out you're dating other people. So we're gonna agree to exclusivity. Commitment means an agreement to explore longevity with one another. That's what the commitment means is are we interested in exploring longevity with one another? That's the world according to Jonathan. You have to make up your mind for yourself, but that's what commitment looks like and means for me as a get-go. Plus spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal or professional life, traveling together and then intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to getting married or living together. That, doesn't that sound? By the way, folks, think about what I just said. Most of you folks are winging it out there. You're winging it out there. You have no fucking clue what commitment looks like for you because in our 20s and 30s, it was so easy. In our 20s and 30s, it was so easy. It was all about making babies and raising a family. Now in our 40s, 50s and 60s, it's much harder because we don't know how to, we don't know how to see that relationship iceberg. We don't know how to blend lives together. And if you don't have some consciousness around this, the understanding of the importance of blending lives together, your relationship will eventually be like that song. Somebody I used to know, somebody I used to know. So I am inviting you all to be more intentional. Can you do that for me? Can you hit a thumbs up and let me know you're gonna be more intentional? I appreciate that. Thank you. By the way, if you want now to ask me a personal question, this is the time in the live stream, you can write the word personal question and you can ask me a personal question and I'll do my best to respond. I'll do my best to respond. All right. Joan asks, why would a guy write his name backwards on a dating site? I don't know. Why are you asking me this question? I mean seriously, but I have no clue why someone do that. Maybe for fun, maybe for fun, I don't know. That one I have no clue. I mean, I could come up with 10 reasons, but I'm just not gonna spend time with that one and I'm just talking too much as it is. All right. Sarah writes, I really like what you said as far as what you're looking for. Is that written down somewhere? No, but I'll tell you a little secret. Go back and watch the replay. This is the 50 minute mark. Go back it, pause it and write it down or someone else scribe it for me later. But I haven't written down. Actually, part of it's on my bulletin board right there. On my bulletin board, I have basically, I look at it every day when I'm looking for it. What feelings do I want to experience? So let me share with you just since I'm gonna go personal here for a second. Some of the feelings I want to experience. Mutual adoration for one another, mutual admiring, mutual respect, mutual attraction, mutually feeling safe with one another, mutually accepting one another, mutual rootedness, mutual fun, mutual spontaneity, a mutual giver, mutual teamwork, mutual depth, mutual growth, mutual intimacy, mutual flexibility and mutual love and laughter. I wrote that, that's on my bulletin board. Now I say mutual, I mean, it's specific to her, but I'm saying it's mutual because I want her to feel those same things. I am not asking for anything less than how I'm gonna show up in relationship. Let me repeat that. I'm not asking for anything less or more than what I'm willing to show up in relationship in. And my invitation is for you to decide what you want and then truly ask yourself, are you willing to show up that way? A lot of people want, by the way, Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote the book, Eat Pray Love, said the average American is the most narcissistic data on the planet. They want their best friend, their best lover, the most financially stable, everything perfect. And yet they're not willing to show up perfect like what they expect. We are suckling on the nipple of I need you to be better than me. A lot of people, instead of saying, I'm gonna show up, everything I just described is how I'm gonna show up and I just want my mirror. Where's Kelly that talks about mirrors? That's what I'm asking for. I'm gonna tell you something funny. The other day I was thinking to myself, what would it be like to date a really good looking version of me? Not a guy, a girl, a woman, I should say. What would it be like to have someone who's just like me but she's just better looking? And what I mean is I want someone who's aligned in my values. I want someone who likes to do the same things as me. I like someone's lifestyle that's flexible and spontaneous and she's willing to do spiritual retreats with me and she's okay that I take an edible every other night and I do ayahuasca or psilocybin or MDMA to go into spiritual journeys so I can connect with my younger son. These are just some of the things I do. So I'm looking for someone who's aligned to who I am and what I want. I invite you to do the same. Figure out what your life looks like and then put a call to the universe and if you need some help with that, schedule that call with me but put a call to the universe and say, this is how I'm gonna show up. Can you introduce me to a guy that's gonna show up the same way? Just simply ask God. Folks, I don't care if you're religious or spiritual or whatnot, ask God. By starting off God, this is how I'm gonna show up. Can you introduce me a guy who's gonna show up the same, a guy who I'm attracted to and he's attracted to me and that we have mutual respect, he has respect for me and I have respect for them. Start envisioning that it's raining great guys because I get it, it's a cluster fuck out there. But you can, by the way, it's so bad out there that it is hard, I get it. But here's the difference. Focus on the right guy, focus on the good guys in your consciousness and forget about the negativity, the bad out there. Focus on the good. Folks, let me just tell you this. No Olympic athlete gets into their race or their event going, I want last place, I wanna fall down, I wanna get in last place. They focus on the end line, they focus on the end goal. Focus on attracting a great guy by being that great woman and then asking for it and focusing on the qualities, the experiences, the feelings that you wanna have in relationship and that's gonna give you a greater chance of you attracting what you want. I went off on a rant there, but thank you so much, Sarah. I really appreciate that question. All right. Bump, bump, bump. Jacqueline says, Jonathan, if number commitment is, I commit to exploring longevity with each other. What is the statement for monogamy? Monogamy is just no penis in other vaginas and no vaginas with other penises. That's monogamy. Thank you. In other words, you're not fucking other people. All right. Melissa says, that's awesome, Jonathan, thank you. Kathy says, my question was listed at 728 PM. I'm in California, so I have no idea what time that is. 728. Well, let's just scroll up then. Kathy, 28. Oh my God, sorry, Kathy. I can't find it. You gotta understand with all the chats, it's so hard for me to find things. Didi said, by the way, write it down again, Kathy. Maybe I can get it this time. Kelly says, or Didi says, great answers, thank you. Penelope or Pamela says, personal question, do you have to leave the country for ayahuasca experience? No, thankfully not, but I can't tell you where I do it, but here's even in Los Angeles. Los Angeles is a pretty open space, you know, and they don't bug you for shit like that, but no, you don't have to go outside. But I have been thinking about going to Peru to do it as well. So Pamela, thank you for that. Julie says, I love the rant, thank you so much. Handa says, you're so right. If you're aligned with your vortex, Esther Hicks, for those of you that don't know about that, you will attract what you want, but it's getting right with yourself. Amen, amen, amen. I am a big proponent of Abraham Hicks' work, the law of attraction. When you're aligned to who you are and what you want, you become a magnetic, you become a magnetic attractor to who you are and what you want, but it takes a shitload of work, folks. And that's why I recommend all these books over and over again. Here's a book I haven't talked about in a little while, self-compassion, self-compassion. Highly recommend this book. I also recommend this book by Don Miguel Ruiz, the master of love, the master of love, great book. These are a couple of books that I highly recommend reading to tap into your vortex, to tap into your vortex. All right, Melissa says, amen, yes. Sherry says, how much time should two people date before thinking about moving in with one another? I'm just curious about your opinions about the rate in which relationships progress in our 40s and 50s. Moving in together is a big deal. And I know couples in their 40s, 50s and 60s that moved in together rather quickly. And I know others who have waited a long period of time. You know what, that's an individual choice. I can't speak for everybody else. What's needed, here's the thing. When you've met a total stranger, I would really vet his personal life like I was a fucking detective. I would want to go to his work. I'd want to make sure I go to his home. I want to make sure I met his family. Well, I'm a guy, but I'm saying, I met his family and friends. I would want to have really done my homework on this person before I ever commingled my finances with someone who's a total stranger, where you have no familiarity with them. You're gonna wanna be a fucking detective. I mean, you want, get his credit check too. By the way, you have to do that to move into a place anyway, if you rent. So that's, I'm just throwing that out there. That's just off the cuff, but that's what I would recommend is really vet the person. Great question, Sherry, thank you so much. All right. Bum, bum, bum, let's go swimming. All right, you have a personal question for me. JC says, I have a huge problem leaving my partner. I think he is a negative person. He is abusive, and I believe he's a narcissist. Advise me. What's the definition of insanity? Or let me go back to the Dr. Phil. How's that working for you? Folks, everybody, everybody reading this would say to you, JC, break up and the relationship. So that's the simple answer. Break up and end the relationship. But for some reason you can't. I would recommend going to the Hoffman prod. Listen, your life is worth $5,000. Your life is worth $5,000, especially what you're experiencing. The Hoffman process up in Northern California is an eight-day deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas. That's why when you go to this, I promise you you will have the strength to break up with him. You will have the strength to bake up with him if you do this work. I promise you, you will. In fact, a lot of people go to the Hoffman process and they get divorces because they finally realize I'm with the wrong person. So I'm here to invite you. Get busy living or get busy dying. That's a line from the movie Shawshank Redemption. Anyone like the movie Shawshank Redemption, let me know. But that's my invitation for you. All right. By the way, I'm assuming you're not married. So because that, and by the way, that still would be a good reason to end a relationship based on what you've just shared. All right, our last chance to ask questions. Write the word question. Or a personal question and then post the question. So it's easier for me to find, folks. All right. Robin says, I love the Shawshank Redemption. Pamela says one of the best movies, oops. Pamela says one of the best movies ever. Exactly. All right. Well, we don't have any more questions. So it looks like we're gonna wrap up for today. It's your, oh. Catherine says, should you tell a man you vetted him, what if he gets angry? If someone gets angry for you protecting yourself, what does that say about his character? If someone gets angry for you wanting to protect your heart, to protect your finances, to protect your life, why would someone get angry at that? I mean, they might feel like that you're budding into their business, but you can go look. Dude, you're angry. I just don't feel safe with you. What's your problem with me wanting to know a little bit about you? People that get angry over what I consider some very healthy things to do, that's not called a red flag, that's called a deal breaker. Don't invest in people that get angry. Just in general, why would someone get angry unless they have something to hide, unless they're incapable of being in relationship with another human being? Now, let me reframe that, to be in a healthy, happy relationship. Anybody can be in a relationship, but I'm here to talk about healthy, happy relationships. All right, last question for the day. Bump, bump, bump. Anger is gaslighting. Candace says, deal breaker. Melissa says, run. JC says, I agree. Someone just wrote me a private message on my phone saying, leaving a narcissist is deadly. Hey, if you have to call a doctor, a policeman, or attorney, do so. If you're with somebody that you're scared, everyone remember the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? I mean, fuck me, that scared the shit out of me. You know, too bad we sometimes couldn't take the law in our own hands. I wish we could, or I wish we could pay someone to take the, I really wish that we had the ability to kind of be like the Wild West at times, but that's just another, I'm just, that's my fantasy, I don't mean that legitimately. Well, I guess I do mean it legitimately, but it would be nice if sometimes we could take the law in our own hands when people deserve to get the shit fucking kicked out of them for that abusive kind of behavior. I am not a fan of that. All right, last question of the day, Violetta. My ex-husband and boyfriend died both in one year. I wanna share my life with someone special again, but I'm not sure if the new guy will understand. Whew, Violetta, I am sending you a lot of love. That has to be very hard. Here's the thing, rather than being afraid that someone might not understand, just simply write the following. The right guy will understand my circumstances and love me for who I am. The right guy will love me for my circumstances and love me for who I am. The right guy will understand my circumstances and love me for who I am. That's my invitation for you. Write that out for yourself because that's a lot better than what you're thinking and that is the new guy will not understand. Why are you setting up the new guy for failure? How about set him up for success? You haven't met him yet. So set him up for success by saying the right guy will understand and be supportive of me. All right, I'm gonna take a few more questions because that's kind of guy I am. Question, what are three essential mentions on a dating app bio to attract the right man besides that you're looking for long-term? What gets the right man's attention? You know, look at what gets the right man's attention first and foremost, he's attracted to you. So have quality photographs. He goes, wow, I wanna date her. That's the feeling you want to create. Wow, I wanna date her. I will tell you most dating apps are for shit when it comes to pictures. As far as what you write, you can just say, look, I'm looking to get married. I'm looking to live with somebody. I'm looking for a serious committed relationship. Just add one of those three things there and most guys who don't want those things may try to sleep with you but they won't go the distance with you. But there's really no way to guarantee it. Now, asking the right questions on the telephone, that's what I teach you. So Nikki, schedule a discovery call with me because that's my area of expertise. If you're ready to hire a coach, I will teach you how to ask the right questions based on your personality, based on your individual desires and I'll teach you how to bet for emotional maturity based on who you are. Nikki, check out that link, schedule a discovery call with me, it's in the description. Great question, thank you so much. All right, you know what? This would be a good place to wrap up. Sherry says, I agree, run. This is going back to that previous one. Everyone, I wanna thank you all so much for being on my live stream today. I really appreciate you all. This has been a lot of fun. I love sharing those five feminine signals that makes a guy crazy about you. Just to remind you, number one, your actions consistently match your words. Number two, you take personal responsibility for your choices. Number three, you know how to fight fair, which means you listen to the other person's feelings and you accept that person's feelings as being true for them and you do the same for them and they do the same for you. Empathy, empathy isn't just I feel your feelings, it means I care about your feelings, but more importantly, I care about my own feelings and lastly, transparency. If it's material to the relationship, speak up. High value men are attracted to this kind of woman and when you're that woman, we're gonna be crazy about you, provided we're attracted to you or our lifestyles are blendable. And lastly, like I said, well, let me say this, you have shared values and you're emotionally mature. All right, I'm gonna wrap up for today. For those who follow me, no. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A pet, teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye everyone. Bye-bye.