 Can't really prove that you did it intentionally. So just get rid of the body and then just don't ever go back to that zoo. We live, man. Live. We're live. Holy shit. We are live. Episode number 12 of the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast. And we're filming in Michael's basement. I don't have it. Yes, yes it is. Let's be real. This is a dungeon. It's a lair. I've seen you keep people here. It's not underground. It's not, doesn't it? Doesn't a dungeon have to be underground? Look around. Isn't a dungeon up in the top? This is underground. This is Michael's basement. Now, a dungeon is usually where they store prisoners, isn't it? And it's underground. He had this installed. I don't get that, but I'll go with it. What do you mean? Look around, man. I can see outside right there. Michael, that is a painting on the wall of the outside. That's not the actual. Upstairs is outside. Simulation. To give you the feeling that you're in a house that you can see outside. You walk into Michael's house and then you go into his bedroom. You pull up a latch down the stairs in a very dark room. We set the lights up so we can film the podcast in your little dungeon thing, whatever you want to call it. You see there's going to be a man cave, but he's just got a mattress on the floor over there and like use condoms. Will chains, what the fuck? Chains over there? Yeah, that's fair. Anyway, what happened last week? Fuck, we're at the tennis episodes out right now. We re-filmed it and we had fucking Roger Federer in. Like it's actually worked out that we didn't get that other guy to do it because Roger Federer came and did it with us. I think, I think it was Roger Federer. Yeah, he looked different. Yeah, he didn't have an accent. Yeah, that's what was weird after. He didn't have a Swiss accent. But anyway, tennis episode is out. Now we get hit a lot. Okay, it's fucking, it's fucking bad. And remember what you saw, double that up because we had to redo it. Thanks to Tennis Australia. Yeah, and like, and to be fair, we finished filming the episode and we're like, fuck, even though we had Roger Federer, it's, we didn't feel like it was as good and as funny as the first one. Yeah, like, it's hard. It's hard because we've got- We're trying to recreate it. The skeleton in mind of what we've got to do and then we try and recreate it and it just doesn't work out as good as it did naturally the first time. Like the hits took so much longer. We went through probably five times as many hits trying to get certain hits to happen. And obviously they're not so accurate. He'd think Roger Federer is, but he isn't. And he's fucking, you know, aiming for the head, but he'll hit you in the spine or your neck or like some weird spot in your elbow where- Every now and then- Nerves hurt. Every now and then during filming, you get hit in a weird spot and something weird, it feels just a little too weird, like something's wrong. And I was bent over trying to expose the top of my head to get hit, but I was bent over too far. And then he fucking, I got hit in the very base of the neck in the spine. And it felt like for a split second, like I had been turned off. And then I just dropped to my knees and my ting pins and needles all through my arms and legs. It was very weird feeling. And I had like adrenaline after that because I was like, fuck, something's very wrong here. So I got up and it was just fucking, yeah, it was a sick feeling, disgusting, from like three meters away, hitting as hard as you can, straight into the base of my neck. Has it, have you got any pins and needles now? Has it just hurt to turn your neck? No, but before in the car, when I looked to my left, I felt like a little, a little sharp tingle, tingle in the end of my pinky finger, but I'm hoping that that's unrelated, but it's probably not. Nerve damage. Yeah, could be. We fucking played Toca with Bloody Michael from Racka yesterday, didn't we? Yeah, he loved it. He fucking loved the game. Everyone loves Toca. Everyone fucking loves Toca. We'll have to start live streaming some of these fucking Toca tournaments because this sport is taking off. It started with what, like five or six of us? Yeah, I think it was like 10 last night. 10 to 12, there's always a few of the boys who can't come, but if everyone came, it'd probably be like 13, 14 people. Yeah, we'd need all four courts. So yeah, it's gone. And it got taken off. Additive last night. You and me, mate. Everyone's getting into it. Like the shit people are getting good. Everyone's fucking like Julian. He left, thank fuck. But like, even he last week with you, you sort of carried him, but he's... No, he's improved. Yeah, he has. He's definitely improved. He's earned a spot. Yeah, he needs that confidence that you stole from him so early on. Marty hit probably the shot of the tournament as well. Every time Julian would fuck up, I'd just hack into him and break him. Michael demanded that he never come back after a half. He's allowed to come to dinner after, but he's not allowed to come to talk up. I didn't mean that really, but like I wanted it to be competitive. And it just ruins the game if people are shit. Yeah, that's so honest. It just fucks it off. Like the people who are good can't enjoy it. That's why there's grades in life. Division one, division two, division three. Beginners, you got intermediate. You got good. And then you got the best. Yeah, see? It's hard for the best to fucking come up. I guess Julian's the best now too, because he's a part of us. But no, Julian, you're getting good. You're getting better at it. I'm sorry I attacked you early on, okay? I love you. Speaking of attacking Julian, this podcast is sponsored by Manscaped. They make some cool, mail grooming stuff. And if you use our discount code fully actual, you'll get 20% off any product that you wanna buy. All right, they've got a new cologne out. Smells real nice. They've got ball trimmers where you won't nick your balls. They've got heaps of cool shit. So if you're due to buy some mail grooming products anyway, and you just wanna change your life and start having nice, smooth testicles, go to Manscaped, use our discount code fully actual, and buy some shit, man. Cause it's fucking helps us, helps them, helps you. Everyone wins. Matthew? Smooth. See? Smooth. The other sponsor of the podcast, of course, is our very own subscription website, University of Markle, where we post weekly vlogs that sometimes are like 30 minutes long. They're massive. Most long it's been is 40. There's behind the scenes of all the social media videos we do. There's extra bits in there. Shit, we can't post to social media. And people love it. Our members, usually the feedback is 99% of the time. Very, very good. So you sign up, links in the description. You get free for 21 days, so there's no risk. If you don't sign up and get charged straight away, you sign up, you can watch heaps of shit, and then be like, oh yeah, okay? This is worthy. I will pay. Or be like, nah, it's not for me. Sorry. And leave free of charge. It's all good. We're good like that. We are such helpful men. Yeah. And we've got tiered payments now where you can upgrade your membership. We'll follow you on fucking Instagram and we'll fucking talk to you on the Discord. It's just, it's really, really exciting. Yeah, it is exciting. And it funds our lives. There's no rules on that platform we've said before. So fun making website content is we don't need to be like, eh, people might get offended at this and Facebook will probably remember that because it hurt a little bit. Shut up, Facebook. Just shut the fuck up, okay? You don't know what people wanna see clearly. What you care about is having ads in videos so you get your fucking money. That's all they want. Yeah, but it still does not compare to tennis Australia. Fucking oath, man. Yeah. What happened on the weekend? I always forget. Oh, fuck. I had heaps, I had a big weekend. Oh, yeah, we fucking, we had Jackson's birthday dinner. Yes, God. That's right. Yeah, what a fun evening that was. That was fucking, that was good fun. Julien rocked. Stitch up, stitch Julien up. Fucking classy. It was a night. We told him it was a fancy dress, what Jackson did. And we only told Julien that it was like, what, like medieval theme. Yeah, medieval. Jesus. So he rocks up as a night and looks like the biggest loser. And this was in a whole, like Jackson was really lovely and organized a high-end steak and lobster restaurant. And he rolled in in front of a lot of people. Yeah, it was such a formal place. A very fancy restaurant, but fucking good shit, good fun, eh? Yeah, I enjoyed it. We had a good time. And what else happened on the fucking, God, everything just blows in a one. Oh, I played golf. I lost again to James. Well done. James is better than you know. He is probably, he is definitely there for sure. It's not a matter of time. And now the more, because you're improving like at this level, like just little bits and James, because he's improving quicker, because he's been playing for less, you give another six months to a year, he'll be far, far better than you. He's just got a great chip on him. He just puts the ball where he wants it. It's fucked up. He's stupid. I always over hit. Anyway. You're saying you guys gonna create records at every course that you go to? Yeah, so we can have the course record and get more into it. Yeah, fucking golf to inconsistent. Yeah, it's very, very rage inducing. I go through the, the chats. I, we get to talk and be together. Be men. Yeah. Although last time when I had some fun, I do okay. Oh yeah, the short course Brown was good. Brown? I improved. I've improved as well. Yeah. Yeah, you were getting parts even. It's crazy. I parted something and it curled and went in and Michael was impressed. Yeah. I can't see that happening. If I was standing behind him filming, I'd be like saying. Yeah. That would definitely, that would trigger him to go into Matthew Down's behavior on Matthew Brown. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Well. It's hot. It is a bit hot. Do you know why it's a bit hot? Because it's time for. On this day. You've got a couple here and I've just read like a first line of summon. May I just say? Shocking. Matthew. Google does not lie. Shocking. Either does the dark web. All right. Well, let's just get straight in on it because Mike puts a lot of time and effort into this. Researching all this and finding out things. And then he's seemingly randomly a diary entry. I think he wants them in there. He's starting to think that too. But he's sort of like playing it off like it's like a glitch or some sort of mistake. Yeah. Anyway, let's not confront him about it because people are enjoying them, I think. So, you know. Oh, another mistake, Matt. Oh, no. There's a diary entry in here. Okay. There's another diary entry. Anyway. On this day in 1991, Freddie Mercury had sex with a man with such force that his neighbors contracted AIDS the following day. Holy shit. It can. So it's airborne now. Well, I guess if you fuck hard enough, it is. That makes sense because like think about it. When you burp, you can smell that scent of the burp. Yeah, that's a bit of food in there. If you are pounding hard, there's gonna be like air coming out which would be AIDS air. Yep. Then that could go through the window. Cross breeze through the house. Bang. Family AIDS. Kids. Mowing the lawn next door. Get a waft of the fuck air. Comes out of the grass. Fuck air. Yeah, that makes sense. I can see that. AIDS air. Is that like, yeah. So I guess just close the windows. Yeah, always. If you suspect your neighbors of having AIDS, you've got to have your windows closed. I'm pretty sure. Are we allowed to say this? I don't know. A fuck oath we are. Stop being so fucking sensitive. Sorry. Cut that, Connor. Now leave that in. Yeah, and leave that part where he says leave it in. Yeah, leave all of this in. I want everyone to see the real raw, fully actual. On this day in 2014, Lady Gaga went to an event dressed as a testicle. She had her testicle suit made it entirely of actual testicle skin and the pubic hair on it was real too. The other guests complained that she smelled horrible and she was asked to leave. Lady Gaga later apologized and agreed that it was probably a bit inappropriate considering it was a children's cancer fundraiser event. Yeah, that is far. That's too far fashion. On this day in 1980, John Farnham burnt his tongue under the roof of his mouth when he bit into a hot tomato. He later hit his wife. Oh, fuck. That came out of nowhere. Now the voice trying to understand it. Oh, shit man. That one's a bit more ringworm than fucking the AIDS one. It's just facts. Yeah, it's on this day. Anyway, we can't get in trouble for facts. Now we're going to be all paranoid later when we're high that we've breached some sort of, that we've crossed the line here. We've got it stuck. These are jokes, everyone, all right? Remember, this is just, well, it's a fact joke. Yeah, factual. And remember, Matthew Brown is responsible for all of these. So you can't be annoyed at us. This is all Matthew Brown. I'm just fucking, don't shoot the messenger. Shoot the researcher. Shoot him. Shoot the brown. Shoot the brown. Go after him. Attack Brown. Anyway, on this day, in 2012, diary entry number 589 from Matthew Gregory Brown, it was a warm spring day. And I was sunbaking at the park. I smiled as I felt the warmth of the sun stinging my skin. My erect little brown was swaying gently in the breeze when I heard it, a nearby giggle. Judging from the sound, I guessed it was a 22 to 23-year-old female in good health with slight dad issues, roughly two weeks into her cycle, and possible body dysmorphia. I sat up immediately and concealed my little brown. I was correct. There were two girls throwing a frisbee to each other, and a surge of adrenaline coursed through my body, and my testicles started wriggling with millions of excited sperm. My whole body stiffened with anticipation as I saw a wayward frisbee throw from one of the girls headed in my direction. It landed a few meters from my nest, and I could feel my face turning bright red. This was my moment. I stumbled as I lurched forwards, trying to conceal my eagerness. With both hands shaking, I grasped the frisbee and stood tall. There were both looking and smiling at me, and one even raised her hand and said, thank you. I drew back my arm and lined up my throat, but my extreme excitement got the better of me. My little brown started convulsing with pleasure as ejaculate rushed out. My body twisted with euphoria, and I let out a deep, long groan as I released the frisbee. Ah! The frisbee went well over the girl's head and headed straight into a creek. The other girl noticed that I was climaxing, and I heard her mumble, oh my god. I dropped to my knees, still coming. I grabbed my cumspitting little brown in an attempt to control myself, but it was useless. Once I stopped climaxing, I looked up to see the girls running for their car. I heard one mention the police. So I packed my nest and retreated back into the surrounding darkness. I was so frustrated with myself that I bit a chunk of flesh from my own shoulder. Perhaps next time my little brown will stay calm and let me lure them in completely. That is some heavy shit. Oh my god. You bit a fucking chunk of your own shoulder, dude. That's why that fucking scar is there. I've always wondered why you had a hole in your shoulder. Oh, yuck! But sort of hot. Holy shit. Wow. Yeah, there hasn't been one diary entry. You'd expect maybe just a normal one here and there. Yeah. Every day he's having these things happen. He's done well to fucking dodge the cops. Maybe there has been diary, we just don't know about it. There's entries of the police getting involved. Well, I hope so, Matt, because it's not a good look. For any of us. Fuck, I feel sick. No, I don't feel sick. They make me like... They paint a very vivid, vivid mental picture. Yeah, I just feel like... Sick. Giggly from it a bit. Yeah, okay. Well, that's okay then. But if any girls are feeling threatened or anything, just give us a message, okay? So we don't want that to happen. All right, moving right along to our first segment. Oh yeah. And this is a segment where we answer the questions that you have commented on our YouTube podcast and the ones that have the most likes means that the people want those questions asked the most. So that's ones we're gonna ask. If you wanna support the podcast and you can't afford the membership or whatever, or you can support it for free simply by clicking the thumbs up, leaving a comment. If you can't think of a comment, just comment, comment. And doing things of such nature like that. Help the algorithms so we get more views. Tricks YouTube. Tricks YouTube, think and fuck. Only bloody, not 100 people have watched and it's already got 100 likes. I must show this to everyone. And that is how we grow, okay? It's a team. If you wanna support us, we talk to you, you thumbs up the video. It's a simple exchange. And we all love each other. Do you fucking thumbs it up? Of course I do. Show us, get your phone out. Right now, get your phone out. The podcast, my phone's busy, but I promise you. You dodged a bullet there, my love. I promise you, I do. All right, we'll see, we'll see. Time will tell. All right, questions. Okay, let's have some questions, baby. Cut that corner. Cut that corner. But leave us all going, cut that corner. All right, so we're doing the question. I need a shit. You would not shit right here, right now. Oh, he's pushing hard. Oh, that is the sound of shit. Don't push too hard. Did you shit? I think I'm going to. I will. This is what happens. You can't have a normal evening with Michael. He was simply, as soon as the urge to piss or shit arrives, he must do it. You're pushing? Yeah. Oh, he's trying. I want to prove to you that I can. Michael is trying to show himself. Yeah, I did say you wouldn't. So I guess it makes sense. He's pushing very hard. His nappy will be full. Oh, it's so red. It's like the pressure. I need to take my pants off. If you push too hard, you'll get a hammer. Oh, we'll take your pants off if you need to. Michael is making soup. Is it going to be a running one or a hard one? I think it was just a lot of gas. I feel sick. I will. I feel sick, too. We're going to go with the question. Oh, if you feel that urge, just yes. Oh, we'll shit. Yeah, just shit yourself. That's my goal. That's the goal is podcast. No, if I don't get it done today, I will shit by the end of the season at this table. And we'll show you guys. We'll show you guys his shitty nappy. Probably won't be able to show it. Yeah, maybe in the UOM group. You can show it to me and Matt will describe it. Oh, man, like a baby. Just like a baby. All right, question time. All right, first question is from Brie Firth. Do you guys have any plans of goals on buying a bigger area or a bigger place one day so you can keep your lives separate? Hell's fucking yeah. We've spoken about that. Hopefully, maybe next year, we'll be able to afford to rent like another house where we can like film and just be at. Yeah, like a different location for what it is. Like a work house. Or even like just an industrial area. Yeah, like a factory or some shit. We can sort of build sets in for podcasts or games. Because it's fucking, it's like, you know, we especially Michael, you know, we fucking work and film all day here sometimes and it's just like, you want to be able to separate the two just like you would separate your whites from your colored clothing. Wow, do you do that? No, I just put all in and then just cold water. Then it doesn't mix. And then the colors do not run. Why would people fucking wash with hot water? I think it washes better. Really? Maybe. I do cold all the time. Yeah, anyway. I don't even have the hot one plugged in. I don't even, I don't know how to do that. That means. Next question is from Oliver Rosen. Marty, why not try a trumpet or bugle for your farts? Should make a noise. Should work for science. This either tomorrow or Friday. I'm going to buy a trumpet. Well, there you go. So it's happening. All right, we're going to try buying a trumpet. I feel like I'll have to change the fart, though. It won't just be a drawn out small release of air. It'll have to be a big push. Yeah, whatever we've got to do to make the sound happen. You may have to have it pressed up to your ring. I might have to lie down on my back and put the trumpet over my asshole, direct the funnel into the microphone and squeeze that air out as hard as I can. Just like a Sherpa taking tourists up to the top of Mount Everest. That's how hard it'll be. Yeah, well, I'm willing. I'm so ready for it. It's like that and now shitting at this table are my new podcast teams. It's important that we do these things. We cross them off the list because you get old if you ignore these challenges in life. Yeah, you get less sharp. Yeah, you've got to sharpen the mind and the body by accepting and defeating these challenges. Shitting at a desk might sound easy, but he's wearing some pretty tight pants. And it proved to be gas. So it was a false alarm. So I've just got to hope save up my poo next week. Oh, you're going to see it. You're going to be here. You're going to see it first hand. You're going to see it first hand. I've seen enough weird shit on this podcast. This will be literally weird shit. Yeah, I'll make sure I have heaps of rocket and spinach. It'll be all green and ratty. You should get like five cobs of corn cobs. Yeah, and eat them. And then see if you can swallow the corn cobs whole because they only digest when you bite into them and because they have like a protective layer on the outside. Well, this is a fuck dream. But this is something for the UOM University of Michael video. I've always had this dream to like and since the world's all fucked and everyone's about recycling and fixing shit and blah, blah, blah. We are going to learn or do a video on recycling eaten food. So I was thinking how cool because I don't think anyone's done this. Get two meals out of it, you reckon. We'll do the corn. I'll swallow them whole so I don't bite into them. So they stay there. I'll shit it through. We'll go through the poo, pick them out. We'll wash them so it's clean and then you re. I wonder if you just had like a massive bowl of corn, just already all stripped off the and just big mouthfuls and swallowing whole. You should have probably be completely like a corn cobs. Oh, my God, this is. This is important to you guys are like, you guys approve of seeing firsthand now at how our minds come together and construct these hard hitting experiments that deliver so much information to the world. If we just imagine, if we can figure this out, you will be able to eat corn. You can lose weight. It'll be like them and will go. We fucking have fixed. All you got to give is like the people in like less fortunate countries, a piece of corn. They can reuse that corn for the rest of their life. I'm thinking bigger picture here. Like, yeah, it'll feed some people, whatever. I'm thinking like, it can help you lose weight because you are consuming the same energy. It comes back out, consume comes out, consume comes out. So your belly's full of corn. So your brain goes, I'm not hungry. And then you pour it out and put it back in. It is a never ending diet, a corn diet. You only have to do it for a week and you'd strip five to seven kilos. How do we know that? Oh, I'm just judging off some past experiments and all of the formula information into the data and that just sort of spits out. That's just off the top of my head. Hypothesis. Exactly. That's exciting. Yeah, dude, I'm actually, I will do this, only if I'm allowed to clean it. What do you mean? I'm not. I want to make sure. Yeah, obvious. We want to make it so we want to make it doable. I'm pretty sure anyone who attempts this would want their corn to be clean. So yeah, yeah, of course clean. I'm sort of excited because no one's done that. Yeah, this is a world first corn shit diet. The corn shit diet. Anyway, great question and great experiment. Yeah, fuck dude, that's going to be life. Like Facebook won't like that one. So YouTube wouldn't like that one. Instagram would hate that one and TikTok would completely delete our account for that one. So we'll make sure we just stick with University of Michael for that one. But we'll let you know, we'll let you guys know if it works for free. Okay, you don't need to subscribe. We'll explain in great detail how it works out. Anyway, let's write that down quickly. I just did. I want to write it down too. I'm excited about that. Yeah, that's groundbreaking. Well, it's just corn breaking. It's the type of science that most science, it's not, it's not your fancy. Oh, fuck it. Got space. Fuckin' electrons. Oh, fuck it. We've cured cancer. Fuckin' all that dumb bullshit. I know. This is proper fucking science on the ground for the fuckin' bulk of people, cunt. The science they do is for fuckin' millionaires and billionaires, cunt. We as the scientists for the fuckin' people, cunt. Well, they always say that there's, the world starving is not enough food. We're fixing that. Exactly. And fuckin', if you all fuckin' wanna lose a few pounds to fuckin' go to festivals, this is the fuckin' way to do what I think. And we're gonna figure that out for you. You fuckin', fuckin', fuckin', fuckin' scientists. Yeah, God, we're good. What are they? Inventing. Shut up. We're doin' science properly. Anyway. Fully actual. Corn eating shit. That'll remind me. All right, next question. Next question is from Christoph Goominitz. What hurts more, getting kicked in the balls or suffering a broken rib, Michael? Balls, short-term, rib, long-term. So overall. Yeah, a good answer. Overall, what would you prefer right now? Another broken rib? I'd rather I kick to the balls than a broken rib. Yeah, you do the ball shit very well. It's fuckin', the ball stuff is just, my balls are like so narrow at the top and then they hang so far down like that. So I think that maybe that contributes to... Because they got room to flop like it hits them harder. If they get hit like in the middle, mine hit and the cushion of my body, Michael's are like this. And they just sit directly under. Mine are like this, that long, really elongated maybe half a meter. And so if something hits the middle of them, the bottom flops up and slaps off my belly button. Yeah, it's that slap motion. It's that sting. It's the whiplash. It's the whiplash. Yeah, it's terrible for you. But yeah, it works. Like it sucks for me. It's not fine, but a broken rib is five to six weeks of no coughing or big balls. Full of fluid. Next question is from Fly By Night. What would you boys do if the police approached you for one of the crime stories that other people have told you? I'd just say it's a joke, mate. We fucking, we get sent them all the time and it's unless it was like, I don't know. Like what if someone sent in something about them like? Nah, kid, I think it's fine. It's fine here. It's anything goes here, guys, you're safe. We're not gonna fucking dub in some crazy person. We ain't snitches even if you deserve it. That's Julian tortoise that. Snitches get the bitches or something like that. Yeah, I think it's, yeah, they don't get the bitches. Snitches don't get the bitches. Okay, well, there you go. Note that down, write that down because that's important. Don't get the bitches. Next question is from Game is Against Domestic Abuse. What a lovely username. Marty, would you spit on Michael Live on the podcast? Oh, easy question. Yucky. Thank you. That's a sick one, like whitey and foamy. Yeah, one of the little foam ones, not as bad as the big golly. Yeah, okay. This one's been sent a few times. Being respectful. Yeah, thank you, mate. This one's been sent a few times. This one's from, but this one's from Alan Hall. When are you guys gonna catch up with Julian's parents to discuss the porno? I brought this up again the other day and he sort of dodged it. Yeah, I don't think, and it's gonna do it. Like I would, I could never do that. I could never do it. But if he, oh, we'd need to give him money. Look, if we see them, we ever see them. I'll be screaming it. It'll be the first thing I ever say to them. I'm screaming it at them. I'll be saying fucking, oh, he's made a sex tape. Julian saw it and watched it multiple times. We don't know, he says not multiple, but he did have it in his room for a long time. Next question is from Steven Hunt. It's also an advice question as well, I think. What would you guys do if you were the coaches of the Brisbane Broncos to help them make a premiership contenders again? I'm in A on this, I don't know. Oh, fuck off. Mark, I'll be interested to hear what you have to say. Yeah, Mark, I think you'd have some very good coaching tips. I would have. You need Shane Webkey, a second in charge, and Wayne Bennett. And then they need. They've got Wayne Bennett. Oh, is he back? I thought he was dead. Kevin Walters coaches him. Oh, no, Wayne Bennett's for Queensland. Wayne Bennett's pretty close to death. Yeah, I know. I would start by introducing Tri-Meth, something to get him going before the game. Meth has been known to increase endurance, aggression. And. I could take a lot more hits. Yeah, and it doesn't affect. More than Nazi. The soldiers did it. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what I'm going off. I'm just going off the information that is given to Germans as we're being raised. You know, if you want a high performance, especially in like something physical like sports. Oh, I did watch that. The German army would give in certain drugs that can go on. Meth. Look into that, Google it. So Broncos, if you're watching, Tri-Meth, and it's not exactly performance enhancing either, is it? Yeah. Because if you do it for long enough, it's performance enhancing. So you just got to do it on the day of the match. And maybe half time, a little top me up. That's that's good advice. So Broncos need to start doing meth if they want to win, if I was in charge. OK. All right. Oh, Tony Baker sent us the address for the Wolf Creek meteorite site from the movie. Oh, that's right. I did it, too. We should go there and just dig further down and see if we can find the meteorite. Yeah, because it must be there somewhere. Yeah, it made a big hole. You can't just make a big hole there. Yeah, it's got to be. It's got to be something. There must be some physical meteorite left and we will dig, dig down and down and down until we're in a huge pit. Next question. Next question is from Zach. Do you guys ever think about how messed up the butterfly effect is? Every little thing we do impacts our lives and others? Yeah, of course. It's crazy out there. You fucking if I click my pen twice instead of once, it could completely alter the fabrics of time and space. But there's no point in thinking about it because these little variations are happening all the time. And if you think about it, you're just going to drive yourself insane, thinking, oh, what if, oh, what if I did that? It's endless. It is an infinity of variables. You will never get anywhere. You must stay calm and focus. That's good science shit. And the butterfly effect. Not a bad film. And our final question for the days from James Kirk-Patrick. Um... Would you guys ever consider doing stand-up comedy, especially if you write your own stuff for each other? You guys would be legends. We have done it before. It's been doubly. It's been doubly. We fucking, it's on the website too. We wrote each other stand-up routine and just to sit down comedy calm. And it was really embarrassing. We tried to really make it as shit as possible for each other. It was really embarrassing. But yeah, we've talked about it before. And, but now it's like, it'd be scary because if we went up on stage now and people recognized us in the audience, it'd be like so much pressure. Yeah, like, you'd have all the phones on you. If you fuck up the script, it just looks cringe. It's risky. Yeah, you'd have to practice. You wouldn't fuck it up. You got to practice. And like, we were thinking, I remember early on when we had no money because there's no monetization anywhere. We were going to do a show. But like, it's just so much planning. It's like now we've got so many things to do. Creating a live show and touring with it right now seems too hard. Yeah, like we'd have to get content backed up for months for the website. It's just, it's unfeasible at the moment. Well, stand-up comedy is pretty difficult. And even the best people say that they all bomb at some point. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there'd be heavy bombing involved. And now, since we're in a position that we're in, if we bombed, it would be everywhere. It'd be freshman. It'd be freshman to the nth degree. It'd be Germany. Excuse me? Sorry. It would be Germany? If we bombed, it would be Germany? That was so racist. Oh, yeah. If they gasped, it'd be Germany? Well, excuse me? Excuse me? He's shitting. It's happening. It's German. Push! Oh, man, it's like... Yeah, well, now you get a sample of what it's like for Marty. Yeah, you're exhausted, yo. Heart rate's up. He's starting to sweat. It's harder. Your arseholes used to having, oh, I've got all this room to drop into. Yeah, that's what it is. I'll have to get a chair where... You cut a hole in it. Yeah, that's a good idea. Put a bucket under you. I think if you just spread your cheeks apart, you can do it on the chair. It would be cool, I think. You have to be busting. Push one cheek in and then... Like, spray out that way. Yeah, so your cheeks are spread apart. And then all you have to do is just... The shit will hit the underwear and then it'll spread at the bottom. Oh, I've been there. I've been there before. I've seen that. The diary is easy to do that. But if it's a hard log, yeah, you have to push really hard. You have to push really hard there. Anyway, next segment. Hey, let's give some advice to everyone. This is the advice segment of Marty and Michael. Holy shit, that's some good advice. I've got some advice from Rachel Dunaway. Oh, Rachel. Rachel. Rachel said, what advice would you give for someone who is trying to play a recorder with their farts? Well, I've said, the only way we can do it is if we insert it. The answer to that is just to keep trying, Rachel. There are many things that we haven't tried. Fuck it, I'm going to... Fuck it. I'm going to start... I'm going to clean this. You should shit in it. That's so dumb. You should put it in your arse and shit. And then a thin string of shit will come out and fill the body of the recorder. And it'll come out of the holes. It'll look like fucking brown Play-Doh, brother. Well, how about to give you confidence for the trumpet? Because you're going to... I don't think you have to actually put it in your arse for the trumpet. But you're going to have to have it pressed up again. I think it will have to be a slit. Like sealed. A sealed. So tighten your arse on it, sort of. But I'll wash this. And when I get farts, I'll try and play music. All right. Let's all put it up there a little bit. For the boys. Thank you, man. And girls. All of you. There we go. We solved some shit. Oh, I'm relieved. That's the advice. Yeah. Thank you, Rachel. You saved the day. All right. Now, next bit of advice is from Dean Nammal. Hi, guys. I need some advice for the segment. How to properly dispose of cadavers and get away with it. Cadavers. Now, if my knowledge serves me correctly, that is a corpse used by medical students to help them train. That is correct, Marty. I thought so. I had no idea about that. Michael did not know that. Look, if you have a cadaver, the body's already been designated for medical research. So it's quite easy. No one's looking for it. They're already dead. They're already gone. So you can dispose. You can get creative if you want. You just have to make sure it doesn't affect the public, really. Classic one is to chop it up and put it in a bathtub full of acid that dissolves or a big, big drum. You can feed it to pigs. It's like laundering a corpse that way. It comes out as shit and some bones. But other than that, you're sweet. You could eat it yourself. People have done that. Depending on how fresh the corpse is, fresh, fresh. You could have it stuffed and mounted and sit it, place it in your bedroom so it scares people when they walk in. Yeah. There are many, many, many ways. And yeah, we've done it. You had sex with a cadaver. Michael was dating a cadaver. It's like less stress, you know. Not what you don't need to fucking communicate and shit. Yeah. It gets annoying. Oh, Michael will do this. It's like not. With a cadaver. You don't have to do anything. A 20-year-old man, I can't remember where. It may have been Bangladesh. I think it was. Yeah, I think it was. Apparently he was a morgue worker and he had sex. He was having sex with a lot of the female cadavers. Wow. How do you get caught? I'm not sure, but he got caught. That would be imagine that that would be so awkward. Imagine. Right. You're fucking a corpse. And then your co-worker opens the door. And your eyes, you make eye contact with each other. And you both just pause. And then. What would you say? Just checking for tics. And then extract your penis and flick it back into your shorts. I just I just read a bit more from that story. And it's quiet. It's quite exciting. Apparently there were six female bodies. And apparently at the forensic lab were doing DNA profiles on the bodies. And they they were doing vaginal swabs. Oh, what the fucking idiot. They were full of his sperm. Oh, he deserves it. Well, I suppose he deserves to get caught, regardless if he made that mistake. But like, yeah, don't don't fuck. If you blow on their chest or something and then just wipe it off. Yeah. Well, we'll give it a bit of a wipe. To the rookie fucking rookie. You must be his first six cadavers. Don't fuck corpses, guys. Don't fuck them. All right. Let them rest in peace. They've been through enough, obviously. They don't need to be fucked after they've gone. Imagine that your spirit's shooting off into the universe and you look back down and the fucking cunt on the autopsies pumping away your checking for tics. Oh, fucking very good. Could you please go to the corner over there and get my vape? And it's that time of evening, is it? Yeah, as we get closer. One, two, three. Fuck, dad. God damn shit. Fuck, dad. Fuck, dad, hard. Fuck, dad, hard. Fuck, daddy, hard. Yeah, this is the good shit. So when I have one problem, we're here hard. Quite heavy. All right. Fuck me. What the fuck happened then? Thanks, fairly feedy. Is there any more people that need advice? There is one more. And he was actually one of the first. He was actually one of the first. Do you remember our guy, I won't say his name, but was sending us the Peeping Tom crime stories? Yeah. He asked for advice. Now, he went into big detail about what he's doing. Of course, he does every time, but he asks. He reminds me of you now. I don't know what you're talking about. In the basic form, he's asking, how do I kick the habit of being a Peeping Tom? How do I stop doing it? Well, like with all addictions, you must remove temptation. So lock yourself in your house and throw the fucking key away or give the key to a neighbor and only the neighbor can let you out. And you are to stay indoors between the hours of 8 p.m. and 7 a.m. until the habit is broken. Replace that bad habit with a good habit. Maybe start sprinting after cyclists, screaming at them. Well, that's probably not a good way to go. It's a good little down step, you know? Because you're not. I think he needs to move to the mountains and be alone. Yeah, maybe isolate yourself away from people. Love yourself before you try. Like, there's animals out there you can stalk and hunt. Yeah, it could be dangerous, though. Yeah, they're probably stalking and hunt you back. Could be dangerous. So, you know, replace the bad habit with a good one and just remove temptation, mate. Don't fucking go at people. Matt, fuck you. That was the best fuck you I've ever heard. Shit! Oh, fuck. We've got to clean this for future. Fucking touching it? Okay, that's gone. You just suck back up. Look, look, here. There. That's way harder to get in your ass than that. I think you can do it. Oh. What about, it's just, it's fine now. What are you scared, we're not gonna give to Jesus. Yeah, I know, but I'd rather a clean fuck. I don't want to, like, I can see fucking. Oh. Oh. Oh. Get away. Get away. Yucky, yucky. All right, next filet. Next segment is the hunt. And after last week's successful hunt, we've been deliberating on what the next hunt can be. We want it to be something achievable, but also a step up. So, we're gonna open up to you guys, all right? So, we've come up with a few ideas. We're thinking maybe... I have had some people write in a few suggestions. I really... Yeah, let's hear them. Let's fucking hear them. Sorry. That's okay, Matt. Sorry. Ryan Fitzgerald, so Fitzy and Whippa. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ryan Fitzgerald, he thought he had a good laugh. Dave Hughes came up maybe three times, I think. People have said Dave Hughes. Hughes, you'd be a good one. Our advantage is social media presence. So, we need to find people who are on social media and active. Otherwise, it gets really difficult. I feel like Dave Hughes isn't very... Active. Active on social media. Someone did write in Mike Goldman. Maybe because they saw him commenting a while back. Maybe we could get him to do some big brother stuff. Maybe we could get Mike Goldman on and like we could like... Put his brush, his hair back. Yeah. He's a good looking dude. Is that what people want to see? I don't know. Mike Goldman? He's got a beautiful voice. Guys, we're just rambling here. So, just comment what you want us... Which one you want us to do. And whoever has the most likes, then we'll do that one, okay? So, if you want us to do Dave Hughes... I can comment Dave Hughes. If you want us to do Ian Thorpe. What are the Australian fucking celebrities and shit? We could just... We don't even need to go for a person. We could try and... Yeah. You know what I mean? It doesn't need to be a person. Yeah, what do you reckon about? Well, like an animal. Maybe? We could try and... That's good. We could try and get a boat. We're on a good roll, I think. We could try and like hire a boat and just have a Marty and Michael meet and greet on the boats, party. But it's in the middle of the ocean and you have to swim to it to get to it. And everyone has to wear a blindfold all evening. And it's night time. That's not... Shut your sticky lips! I have words! He's down. Dude, the ending got really moist. Oh, man. I'm using needles in my fucking arms again. I think my neck's all fucked from tennis puns. He almost died. Fuck, why do I get pins and needles in my arms when I'm in fire puns? Imagine going to the doctor and saying that. The doctor got fucked in the back of the tennis ball. Now I want to fuck. Some pins and needles shooting through my arms. That wouldn't be in any of these doctor journals, would it? That's why they need a doctor like us in the field of medicine. With the beautiful Mary Jane. Oh, fuck, Dad. I needed that, dude. I'm sorry about the pins and needles, but thank you. But to recap, can everyone start giving some comments of who you want us to hunt? Yeah, and fully elaborate on what you want it to be. Like the ins and outs of why and how and stuff. We get a creative one. Basically come up with this segment for us. What we're asking you. We've already done two. Now it's like, fuck, our brains hurt. Oh, all right. Moving on. This next segment. Ach du Lieber, Ach du Lieber. Ach du Lieber, Ach du Lieber. Deutsch, Deutsch, Deutsch. And this is a segment. Where I read very common German phrases. As if I'm speaking to a fellow German. And then I translate them for you. So you guys get a taste of what the German language sounds like. I'm excited. What the fuck? All right, here we go. You got to warm your mouth up for German. Stretch my jaw. Exercise. Yeah, I've been speaking too much English and not enough German. So my jaw flexibility decreases. The massage, the jaw joint. Germans can dislocate their jaws. No worries. When I used to speak German all the time, my jaw, I'd feel my chin on my chest. That's how far I was opening my mouth. The mouth hole would be sometimes that big. To say certain German phrases. That sounds unsafe as shit. Was für ein Saftladen. Was für ein Saftladen. Was für ein Saftladen. Which means, what a juice shop. Which means this place is a dump, man. So if someone walked into here, a German walks in a Marcos house. Was für ein Saftladen. Oh, it's not a way to say it. You live in a shithole. Saftladen. It's pretty nice. Saftladen. Saftladen. It's like a laden, nearly. Saftladen. Saftladen. Das macht mir so schnell, keine Nacht. Das macht mir so schnell, keine Nacht. Das macht mich so schnell, keine Nacht. I don't know. Das macht mir so schnell, keine Nacht. Which means that makes me so quickly nobody after. Fuck off, dude. You can't say that. It's legal. It means you'd say it if you were saying, that is hard to compete with. So if you've done something incredible, like you've played the trumpet with your ass, you could say, Das macht mir so schnell, keine Nacht. No one's going to follow that too quickly. That makes me so quickly nobody after. You can't, and it's not allowed. It's very... Matt, back me up here. I don't know. I think Nikki has nailed it. Thank you. Nikki is German. It makes me so quickly nobody after. Fuck, Dad, man. That is different. I don't know. I'm shocked and mad. I'm always a bit mad, but like, I'm always just shocked. That's unbelievable. It's perfect. You're speaking about someone's language. She's perfect. So you'd say this if you're annoyed with someone, okay? Sort of like me with you, with this shit. Yeah, so Marko might say to me, Oh, the ending. Why do you rule it? That is... It's vast. It's a demonic language, dude. Which means go where the pepper grows. Which means fuck off. So what? Pepper's shit in Germany. No, where it grows is not here. So go there. You can't say that if you work at a pepper farm. You'd have to just say stick with fuck off or something in that specific scenario. Holy shit. Always something different from this bag of chicks. Thank you, Nikki. Thank you. Next segment. Next segment. You've been sending us things and now we're going to open them. We've got two very big gifts. This gets me excited. This is better than this shit. Unless you send shit, then it's shit shit. There's quite a big couple of boxes here. You go first. This is so good. Oh, it's Christmas right now. It's Christmas, dude. Matt, it's Christmas. Yeah, I guess so. All right, here we fucking go. Let's open this up and see what we have. We've got new mugs. I need new mugs. These ones are getting old. What's that one saying? You haven't used that one. Oh, no, don't tell me they're the same mugs. I hope they're all the same. They're all the same. And they are. Someone has sent us another cunt mug. Another two cunt mugs. So the handle is the C and then the aunt is on the cup to spell cunt. We've now been sent four cunt mugs. Dude, that is pretty good. I don't know if he was trying to fuck with us. Because that is a good prank. That's not bad. Sent us your cunt. Now, dude, eventually it'd be so good if my whole house had no normal cups. Just cunt mugs. I'm going to call my kids cunt mugs. That is fucked up. I can't. That's shocked me. It's the core. It's different. I'm not mad about this is way better than blindfolds. Oh, we're going to look. Oh, wait. Oh, shit. I just had a fucking epiphany. Yep. I'm pretty sure on a past podcast, we have said that we need blindfolds because we can't make them sometimes. This person has maybe sent us blindfolds. Really? So I brained it on that one. I don't know. Sometimes I would just make shit up in my head. Sometimes he remembers. Should we throw it into the comments if anyone can remember something about blindfolds? If that's the case next week, I will apologize. I'm not going to apologize yet. If you can remember where we said that, that we wanted someone to send us that comment. And we will. And the person who sent the blindfolds. I'll probably apologize. Yeah. The person who sent the blindfolds could explain. Yeah. I'm still keeping one. This next one is from Eleanor Ware. Oh, it looks like a Bosley care package. Is it? It is. I did hear a Bosley care package was on the way. She messaged me on Instagram and said that she was doing this. That's so beautiful. Here we have a letter. Dear Michael, Marty, Matt and Bosley. Julian was left out. I'd like to point that out. Here are a few small things that may come in handy. I am planning on sending you more stuff, but I am so busy at the moment. I haven't had time to get it yet. For Bos, the next guard. I don't know if he uses this product, but make sure he is protected. Don't want him dying from a tick. I'm a vet tech, so I worry about that shit. For Marty, something I hope you will find some use with so you don't worry about your heart. Sorry, these are suit gifts? Shit gifts, but I hope they are useful. Michael, I haven't forgotten about you. Your gift just needs some more preparation. Love your content. Never stop making videos. You both really are the best. Let's see what the gift for Marty is to help with his heart. Thank you. Illinois, that's what a lovely thoughtful gift. Is that a blood heart rate? It's a blood pressure monitor. Oh my god, that's a great gift. I've already bought one of these, but these are very helpful. Oh, not another word. Not another word. Oh, yeah, I won't celebrate that. But thank you for trying. Sorry. I'm so sorry about that. Dude, it's positive. It was shit, like it was a shit fart, but at least you're trying. I'm glad that you're having back. There was what, like eight weeks? I think you had nothing? That was fucked. A bit of a dry spell, wasn't it? Anyway, let's finish this fucking podcast with the prank call. God damn, do we have a good prank call idea. We decided that I would call a pharmacy and try and get them to, you know, give me some of the good shit, the stuff that you need a prescription for. I'm going to see if I can get prescription drugs without a prescription. As Darren the Junkie. Okay. Phone on silent. I mean phone on private. Is there more? Yeah, I feel it. More presence? I feel it, but I don't want to stand up because I will get abused if it's shit. No, no, I never abuse you about it. It's positive. I'm glad you're trying. I'm what you should be worried about is the pins and needles. Did you get any that time? None of them when I fell to the floor. Oh, Matthew Coward Brown. Oh, hey, my name's Darren. I've just lost more prescription for I had one for Valium and I had one for some painkiller that one that's like morphine or something. That's one that like that. But I've lost the prescription and I'm just calling around, just give you his heads up. I'm coming in, but I can't, I don't have the prescription anymore. Must have gone through the wash and that and I call the doctors and that, but they close, they close at 5.30 so I can't get it today. But I'm just like in pain and that so like I'm just giving you his heads up. Like I'm coming in, right? And I'm just gonna, I'll prove, I've got my license on that so you can like take my name and yeah, I'll just come in, get the Valium and then that some painkiller too. I'll forget what it's called. Yeah, I'll just let you know that we legally won't be able to give you those medications without a prescription. But the doctor already said that I need that because like I came off more BMX book like two days ago and like I've got like shoulder, my shoulder's like keeps like popping out in that so like he's needs me on it and he said that, he said that so like he did say it, like I can like, I'll come get him, like I don't lie, like that's one thing about me, like I'm fucking state-shooted, like I don't lie on that, like I know some people probably like come in and say oh I'm sick and that, try and get drugs and that but like I don't touch it, you know. Only thing I have a couple of beers every night, that's it. I'm just coming in, doctor's bloody said, right? He said it, so like that should cover that legal part, that's done because the doctor said that I can. Yeah, you have a prescription. We just can't legally give you the medication. Just over the counter, we will need that physical prescription. What if I write a letter saying, I'll write a letter saying pharmacy, Darren here, doctor said I can have valium and arpancular and then like I'll sign it, I'll sign it and then I'll come and show you that letter that I wrote and you can hang on that, you can hang on to that one. Yeah, I'm unable to give you any medication for legal prescription. I think I've come to your pharmacy before but in someone, like I said this to the doctor last time because I've lost scripts before, right? And then the pharmacist was like oh yeah, like I showed them like an email or something from the doctor and then they was like oh yeah, he needs it and then they gazed me the valium and that. That happened before so like, I know you're like worrying about legals and that but like I'll promise you like if I'll write the letter, like that's it, like cops can't do nothing. Trust me, trust me on everybody. Cops around here. Yeah, just if you if you hunt something from the doctor that's signed by the doctor Yeah they just closed now. They just closed but potentially but if you don't have anything from the doctor or a prescription you might be able to dispense or give you any medication. That's like so like annoying right now but hear me out, right? One last little trick here, what if I, right? What if I email the doctor saying hey mate, just does a here mate just lost me script and like you need to put me on another one and that and then I'll show you the email that I wrote to him because that's something from the doctor, right? I can write the letter on top of that and then you can keep that. That's yours. We will still need a legal prescription We can't go off of anything that you've signed or anything we'll need something directly from the doctor We're alright, I'll see what's going on alright, I can see what you're doing here alright, well how much then? I've got cash, what do you want for it? I can give you what, two two fifty for a fucking 20 pack of ounce I can see what you're doing and alright, I'll bring the cash in you just give me the email a legal prescription from the doctor Martha, everyone's got a price Martha, you tell me what your price is alright, just don't get a legal prescription from the doctor just don't get outrageous, what do you want? How much do you want? I can bring in what? 500, is that what you want? 500 cash, with the cash but unfortunately we wouldn't need that I'll bring the letter Well I'll do the email and do the letter and come in and talk to you about it and I'll bring the cash and don't worry I won't say nothing in the pharmacist or whatever Hello, sorry who's this? from Sunjeeve Nights on the phone on the cheat sheet tonight Can you, what do you say bro? Hello? Yeah, can you hear me bro? I can't hear anything, it's very crackly Oh he's fucking pulling my leg or something You can't hear me, can you hear me mate? What the fuck? Dude, that is the most fucking unlikable character but fucking unbelievable how well you play it Holy shit It's good to know that they're straight shooters at that pharmacy I love just hearing you fucking talk you can just pretend to prank call and there's no one on the other line Yeah we've done that before too I just want to hear Darren talk shit The prank calls for no one Well it's good to see they're straight shooters and they don't accept money and bribes of any kind for tricks We sort of helped Now we know, because I've always wondered surely they have a price Yeah, now people know not to try that There you go everyone Another experiment in the bag Next week Where the best Where the best Where the motherfucking best Where the best Where the best