 Hey Jimmy, is this Jimmy Pardo? Yes. Hi, it's Cap. Yes, who's calling? It's Cap Bemelman from the David Feldman show. Hey Cap, how you doing man? Good, so thanks for doing this at the last minute. We had a fallout. Oh, did somebody drop out on you, a big name? Oh, a lot. We had a... In fact, it's been a hell of a week but I don't want to... It's tough. We're having trouble getting people this time of year, you know, pass over and Easter and stuff like that. Pass over always does... Yeah, I get it, also what's going on in our country, I imagine the topics that David now that I've spoken to you, probably disallowed people off, huh? No, no, no. People love David and we love David and that's why when you auditioned for the show at UCB three years ago... Cap, I don't know information you were given, I know David almost 30 years, we're Yeah, I know that, but I'm in charge of the bookings, there's a... Right, but I didn't audition, okay, I just kind of... I know David, I know David's been on my podcast, I know Cap, you can drop the illusion, I know him. I know you know David, but a lot of comics want to do the David Feldman show and there's a process and... I see. And congratulations, you've passed, we've asked you to do the show and this is the pre-interview part. Okay, great, thank you. All right, yes. Because I saw you at UCB in LA three years ago, I remember walking up to you after the show and saying, I'm Cap Bellman from the David Feldman show, I was an intern at the time. I see, and then you've since been promoted? I've since been promoted, I book the comedy for his show. Is Alex still involved or has he gone? Who? Alex? Alex, well, I can't talk about the inner workings of the David Feldman show. You signed a confidentiality agreement and I know there was... It was an interesting, but... Well, I did when I went to work. Oh, you signed, that makes sense, I understand, that would make sense to me, I'm sorry, Cap, I apologize. Well, I will tell you this, Alex is still involved with the David Feldman show, but sometimes he got a little too opinionated and... I guess that's what was alluding to earlier. It's not surprising that maybe some people are speaking their minds and putting people off. Well, I found it very surprising because people just don't appreciate what David does for them, the sacrifice that he makes to keep the show going. What does David do that's a sacrifice to keep a go? What does he do? He stays happy, he's considerate. I see, and those are two tough things for him, are they not? Well, for example, there's a coffee maker in the studio. I see. It's a Mr. Coffee and he provides the Mr. Coffee machine for everybody he pays for the electricity. Okay, so that's not different than a deal, Cap. And then when, you know, and then he lets me go buy the coffee I like, right? And I... Okay. And I get to make my own coffee and drink the coffee that I like in the studio. And then the other people complain because I have to buy the coffee. Well, he doesn't reimburse me for the coffee, but he's letting me choose the coffee that's in the studio. Wow, great guy, huh? I think so. I mean, I've learned everything from him. I don't think David's not a great guy, but what you just described is just kind of being a person. That's not really all that big of a deal. I don't think. Well, Peter... I think, you remember a second ago, you didn't want to talk about personal stuff and all of a sudden it's personal. It's getting... Yeah. Let me just give you some dates to plug in and then put it in. Is David going to get on the phone at some point? David's going to get on the phone in a second, he's just getting ready, but he wants to just make sure that we've squared everything away. I want to find out what plugs you want to bring up. And speaking of plugs, by the way. Yes? Yeah. On the last show that you did, you referenced David's hair plugs. There's some story, there's some bad blood between the two of you, and he's wondering if you're going to bring up the plugs because he really doesn't... I won't bring it up if he doesn't want me to bring it up. And the truth is, I was asking for... I would just make a conversation with him about it. And he... If there's bad blood, that's new to me. So maybe this would be like Mark Merritt. Maybe he'll say, we good, bro, or whatever the hell Mark says at the end of his interviews. But I think it'll be like that then. If David's obsessed, have him bring it up and we can talk about it on the show. I'm more than happy to talk about it. Well, David mentioned this to me. Apparently the first time you did the show, it was at the fake gallery in Los Angeles. And David has always been... It was a live show, yeah. Yeah, and David has always been open about his hair transplants. Do you remember... Well, it kind of has to be, don't you think? Yeah, that's the thing right there. That's the thing right there. That... What do you mean? Well, he had said something to the effect. You had asked, who did your hair transplants? Either it was the time I was considering transplants, and quite frankly, David, I know he had spoken about how he thought his looks horrible. I don't think he's alone in that opinion. And so I wanted to make sure I didn't go to the same guy. So then I said to him one night at the World Famous Improvisation, I said, David, who did you go to for the transplant? I know you're talking about the transplant. Who did you go to? He goes, oh, you don't want to go to my guy, and then walked away. It was like, you damn right I don't want to go to your guy, but I want to know who that is. I'm going to avoid him. Right. And then you did that on his live podcast. It's a live show, yeah. And so here's the problem. David thought it was false humility about the hair transplants. What he was basically saying is, oh, you don't want to go to my guy. According to David, I mean, I'm just, when he said that that was false humility, he was kind of saying, he was kind of fishing for you to say, no, actually, they look pretty good. Oh, Jesus. Did I drop the ball on this thing? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. Or you know what? I understand the bad blood, and this is making more sense to me, but I guess I thought because he hadn't stage talked about how unhappy he was with it and about how his guy screwed up his head and how he looks with the worst he's ever looked in his life. I guess I thought that he had a sense of humor about it and that he'd be very helpful. But I, all right. I put my foot in my mouth. But does he know now that they look horrible or is he still living a lie? Cap? Oh, is that that? Is that for that coffee? So one of the things that we're going to ask you to do that you can't talk about the coffee anymore. One of the things we're going to ask you to do is sometimes your eyes when you're talking to David, they lift above the ridge of his nose. When you're talking to him, your eyes kind of go up the forehead to the hairline. And I see. And when David feels that you're doing that to better him, that he would like you to make eye contact. And then when the eye contact eases off, he is specifically requesting that your eyes drift downward away from away from the hairline. Can you do that? Okay. I can. I should remind you of where on the telephone for the interview. But the next time I see David, I'll certainly keep those notes in mind. But as of today, my eyes are probably just going to be looking out the window here on the Cincinnati cap and I'm going to be looking out the window here. Right. I don't have a hotel room. The beautiful sights. Okay. And a couple of other things that he just wants to go over. Then we'll start the interview because, hey, and by the way, congratulations, you got on the show. You got it. Yeah, I did. Yeah. I did get. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, this is, you know, did you call your parents to tell them you're doing the show? Or do you want to see how it goes? Do you want to see how it goes first? You know what? I kind of like my parents to be surprised when they see the podcast, like when it pops up, like when I tweet about it or when I put on Facebook, then they get the experience for the first time, like it's a new experience for them and they're not anticipating anything. I don't like them. Certainly. But being lucky enough to be on David's, I don't want them to be excited and let down. So I just want them to just see it and go, hey, look at that. And then listen to it. Well, that's the game plan there. Yeah. What I like to do is have certain guys who I call at the last minute because if I say, okay, you're officially booked on the David Feldman show in three months, right, you're going to go crazy for three months and you're going to be nervous and you're going to over it, right? Well, I think, I think that is the case. So it's always when you do standing up comedy on television, if you get called on Thursday before like, hey, we're going to be on next Wednesday, even that's a little intense because you have that many days to think about all my stuff, all my stuff. I always said, but we a lot of times it's even longer, like you might get a call in January to do a March appearance or an April appearance. Like that's stressful. Yeah. I mean, David knows. David's done late night television. It's stressful. So I hear where you're coming from, Cap, but this should just be a little looser because this is like a conversation. This isn't so much like a prepared segment. Oh, this is very important. It's very, it's a very important. I'm not disagreeing that. I mean, Cap, I don't, I'm not disagreeing that David's podcast is doing doing great work. It's a, it's a, if I may, it's the podcast with John Oliver and Samantha Bee and to a lesser extent, Trevor Noah. It's very similar to what that's a sort of vibe through the eyes of a, of a misface. I think that's where it really, what it comes down to. Don't you think? Yeah. And I, I gotta give David credit because he knows all the writers who work on the Daily Show and John Oliver and Samantha Bee are transcribing his thoughts, not just the show itself, but he knows that there are people who are following around and writing down everything he says and then using it on those shows. David. You're suggesting, Cap, that David in his daily life is walking around maybe giving his views comedically on various things that are having the news and that people are writing it down and then giving it to these various hosts? Is that what you're saying? Oh, there's no question about that. I've seen it myself. There's no question about it. Yes. You're privy to this. You've been witness. Yes. I was, David allowed me to take him out for lunch the other day. And. Okay. That was very nice of him. Anything. Yeah. And there was, we're talking and then a gentleman walks over and he has a pen in his hand and this little pad. Like a reporter would. That sort of thing. Yeah. And he says, and you know, he tries to, you know, he tries to trick us. Because, you know, do you see anything on the menu you like? And I'm, you know, David knows this guy. Come on. This guy is just standing over us, writing down every bon mot that comes out of Feldman's mouth and sending us. He was, he was looming over here. He was looming over us. We're just trying to drink some water and all you have at this point is water. You haven't even, you don't even have your food. This guy's moving over. You're pressing you for questions. Yeah. And there's a, like, you know, there's a menu and then David's pontificating about Trump and the Supreme Court decision. And this guy's just standing over us with a. He's waiting and listening. Every, hanging on every word with a pad and a pen. And you know, he tries to suck up to David. You know, is there anything on the menu you like? And David saw right through it. And he, and he. Of course he did. David's not a dumb man. He saw, of course he saw right through this. Yeah. So he said, who are you with? The B? Uh-huh. John Oliver. What did he say? And the guys, the guy walked away and then he kept coming back. It was like he was shameless. He kept coming back. So. Is that right? What made him, what made him finally go away? Because I have a theory on this. Was it when he eventually, did you guys bring up food? Did he then eventually go away? Well, what we, when I go out to lunch with David, what we do is we order hot water. And. Okay. And then he makes me look for plates that he doesn't like to waste food is what he doesn't. He thinks, you've, if you've listened to his show, he talks about. I can't. I can't. Go ahead. Oh, you don't have a computer or a phone? I don't agree with a lot of what David says. It is between you and I. I bet. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, relax, man. That's what I think. I think relax. Yeah. Enjoy life a little bit more. But he's so intense all the time. It's a hard listen. I, you know, so I listen to, you know, I don't listen a lot of podcasts because I have one on my own, but I listened like a, you know, this American life or cereal or, you know, as towns recover and I listen to those. Yeah. Those are nice. Relaxing. David says, everything's tense. The world's crumbling. I'm the bad guy. I'm a Jew. Bad, bad, bad. You know what I mean? I mean, that gets, that gets tiring. Yeah. It gets tiring for, that's what people say, but yet they just steal everything from him. You really believe that? Oh, my God. You're witness to what you saw there at the restaurant. I understand. Oh, my God. But they don't, I don't know what, not stealing. I mean, David, listen, does he have trophies? Of course he does. He's a terrific writer. I have emails that are so well written that he's deserve awards. But I don't know if anybody's stealing, but I mean, you're no better than I do, Kev. I promise you. Well, I mean, David would kill me. He would kill me if I brought this up because it doesn't bother him. It doesn't, he believes that, you know, do what you do and ideas belong to everybody. And, you know, so he would kill me for bringing this up. Kill me. He can't believe that. He has solid concepts and jokes that he's had to with somebody else taking them. No, he is just the most generous. Again, when he's very, when he, when I go to coffee, I'm in the studio right now drinking the coffee that I bought and he allows you to buy the flavor. I see. Yeah. And he and pays for the electricity on the Mr. Coffee machine. It's like somebody burns the coffee, right? If somebody leaves the coffee maker on accidentally, rarely, rarely will David say, hey, man, when you're done with the coffee, turn it off because the electricity, you know, because he cares about greenhouse gases. He cares about the environment. I understand that. So you're saying it's rare, but occasionally he will get upset about it. Occasionally. Well, I mean, he's, he's, that's the problem is that a lot of us who work here worship him and that's not fair to him. He's just a man. He's just a man. You're right. He's just a man and, and, and, you know, working for him. He's just a man with some horrible plugs. Can we grant that? You see, that's why David wanted to do this pre-interview with you. Because he feels that, that you don't mean what you, you say sometimes, but that, Well, I don't. You know what? You're right about that, Cap. I don't, because, you know, I'm not really being funny now because we're doing the pre-interview, but once David gets on the line, you know, I, I, I jazz it up a little bit. That's funny. He's going to come. Here comes daddy. You know what I mean? Coming down the runway with the, with the goods. So I was just trying to make it light a little bit there. You're right. David, but I said it now just to kind of bring some humor to, to, to this pre-interview, which by the way is maybe the longest pre-interview I've ever done in my life. Well, there's some stuff. Yeah. Well, David is very meticulous and he works us. He works us hard, but then we're better than we become better and, and we become birds that can fly away from him. This is what David says. He says, I, I see it. Push it out of the nest. I see it. He says, I'm making you better, but by making you work this hard, you're building scar tissue and muscle and that eventually when you actually, you know, question my authority and then you're forced to leave, you'll be able to find work someplace else. And I cannot tell you the people who are impressed that they were able, that I was able to survive working in this pressure cooker. I don't understand why it's a pressure cooker. It's a podcast. And by the way, when I say this is the longest pre-interview, I'm going to, I'm going to circle back. Podcast wise, it's the only pre-interview I've ever done. I've done it for television, but never for a podcast gap. Usually you just hop on the phone or you jump in somebody's studio and you chit-chat and then it's over, right? You may, I will make a couple of 80s music references. Those are my go-to, you know, totem poles, if you will. I make some jokes. I might mention naked eyes. Hey, here comes the saga reference, funny stuff. And then I leave and everybody tweets about, hey, great appearance, but you be proud of under such a podcast. That's usually what happens. There's never been a pre-interview like this. And the fact that I got up at 10 o'clock in the morning to do this and it's now 10 21 and I'm still on the phone with David. It's kind of, honestly, getting on my nerves a little bit. Okay, again, this is a very professional organization. And I still want to work here and I have to answer to David. You have no idea how many letters come in, resumes come in. Young, eager people wanting to work for David. I get it. And so if I lose this job, at this point in my career, it would be devastating. So I'm just doing the work that needs to be done. But Cap, what you've done so far, again, in 21 minutes, you have not asked me a single thing about what I'm going to talk about. You've done any of that. All you've done is, quite frankly, for 18 to 21, it's coffee this, coffee that. All I'm hearing is coffee. I get to make the coffee. I get to drink the coffee and isn't David a great guy? I forget the coffee. So I wasted, I got up very early here to talk to my friend David Talbot again. Maybe we have to have some fun, right? He's got some, he's got a kid that I met once at a function for abused people, which was fun, believe it or not. And then, sorry, I know his family. So I got a day I could go ahead and let's do it. And now I'm hearing about his coffee and how your, may or may not, I think it was a waiter, by the way, idiot. I think it was a waiter that was coming to your table. So, and I played along with it because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, Cap. But if David doesn't get on the phone in three minutes, I'm hanging up the app and phone. That's the kind of attitude that... The David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you. You sad pathetic humps. Hey, we're back. We're recording. Who's this? It's Feldman. Hey, David. All right. So, you know, I believe in God and I get a lot of... I do believe in God. And if you don't believe in God or if you don't believe in the universe, you're not paying attention. Tell everybody what just happened. We're rolling. So tell everybody because it was unbelievable. It was... You were doing a very strong character named Cap who was pre-interviewing me. And all I really did was... I just, yes, ended. You drove the ship. I, yes, ended it. Lots of fun. I will play and do that all day long, quite frankly. And... But then I... I thought like, all right, I'll... And I'll contribute something and went to the easiest improv thing and that's anger. And pretended I was mad at Cap for taking so much time. And then I said, if it doesn't happen, or something like if David Feldman doesn't get on the phone soon, I'm going to hang up. And then my phone went dead. And we lost our connection right after I said that, which was amazing. It was perfect. It was amazing. And I realized... So I don't mean to get all sappy on you, but they're really... It was beautiful that it stopped and that's why I had to take two minutes to call you back because I wanted to make sure we recorded it and the thing died when it was... It really did die. It really did. It was perfect. And then I kind of felt the same way. It's like, in a way, I hope he never calls back and then yet I hope we talk. I hope he calls back and we talk about it because both of those are a win. Do you believe... Okay, so we're talking with Jimmy Pardo and thank you for doing this. And my mind is racing with questions and observations and I'm bubbling over with excitement to talk to you. I'm thrilled to be on. I actually love the show and whenever you guys tweet out about the show, I love the fun that you guys are obviously having and then I listen and I have the exact front. So thank you for having me on again. I always have. By the way, Cap Bamelman, I had a note that in the pre-interview... What did you find out from Cap? No, I just... I'm looking at my notes because I was scribbling stuff down that Cap Bamelman was going to say that David forgives you for stealing his devil make-hair tone on your podcast. That's very nice of David. I'm talking to Cap again. No, you're great at improv. I can't do improv. Well, I can be... What are you talking about? You did it all. All I did was agree. I just, yes, ended. You did all the heavy lifting. I've done it with Marty Short and Andrea Martin and the only default I have is to be a bigger A-hole than I already am. Like, I can do the Jack Benny thing, but that's all I can do. I can just take who I... Excuse me. All I can do is take who I am and then just go into the darkest corner. But I'm always envious of people like Andrea Martin or Marty Short or Robert Smigel who can just start talking in character and stay that way. I don't disagree with you. David, I'm just telling you this. On air, you stay true to Cap, although it was kind of just a height in you. Yes, it is. Yeah, but who cares? It was still funny and you stayed in the character and we had a nice laugh at my expense and then we move on. I'll be at Helium on the 26th. Yeah, let me do that because it's... I don't give a shit. I'm kidding. I don't care. Okay, so we're talking... Let me give you a proper introduction as they say in Great Britain. All right. Jimmy Dorr is the host of Comedy and Everything Else. He used to do it with... Nope, hang on. Hang on. I'm Jimmy Pardo and it's called Never Not Funny. Did you want to... Jimmy Dean. Jimmy Dean is a... Nope. Dead Sausage Maker. Yeah, Dead Sausage Maker who used to sing country western music and had his own variety show in the 70s. Very difficult to work with. Please welcome to the show Jimmy Dean. Oh, hello. Hello. How are you? Jimmy Dean Porg Sausage. Now, I'll tell you what. You sit down at the breakfast table. You're going to get yourself your pancake, maybe a waffle, but nothing... It's got to go side by side with some Jimmy Dean. Jimmy Pardo hosts the best... the best podcast in the world. It really is. Well, first of all, you're very nice. I did see your tweet the other day where you tweeted out that you were on with Keith and the girl and you said, oh, why would you be Pardo? You consider us the pioneers of podcasting and I was very moved by that tweet. So thank you for saying that. And I... You did start it. And we used to do sketches on our show. When we... When this was a sketch show, we used to have a podcast inspector. And it was... You know, there was a podcasting license that was given out and they would do these flash investigations. Like, we'd be doing the show and then the middle... Rick Overton would come in as the podcast. Love it. And to, you know, to make sure we were up to code. And one of the codes was you had to have a 8x10 of Jimmy Pardo on the east side of the studio. That would be hung up. Did you pass mustard that I've had in past mustard? No, because when Eddie was the... Eddie Pepitone was on the show and we found out that Eddie had a fake podcasting license. So he had to go back to school to learn how to podcast. Love it. Yeah, I have to go back and find those. They were... Yeah. They were from like 2012. And we did things that were so surreal that we lived in a neighborhood where everybody had a podcast. So like Mark Marin lived across the street. Jimmy Dore lived near me. You lived... Everybody who had a podcast and did my show, we lived in this town. That was the universe. Everybody had a podcast. Well, I'll tell you what, yeah, you guys were suit sayers because now, basically, everybody does that. I mean, it's a... Jimmy Pardo, never not funny. You just did the part-a-thon to raise money for the smile train. Well, we call it the part-cast-a-thon. Okay. Don't get mad at me for giving it the right name. No, I mean... And there's a charity, but I guess it's not important. Let's move on. It's a great cause. Tell us what Smile Train is, please. Smile Train is the great organization that goes to third-world countries and performs the surgery on children and sometimes adults to fix cleft palates and cleft lips. Each surgery only costs $250 and only takes about 45 minutes. So any amount of money that you donate goes towards basically changing a person's life. And I know that sounds hyperbolic, but it's not. I went down there with Pat Francis and Matt Belmep, who co-hosted the event with me. We all went down to Mexico. A small city in Mexico had watched met doctors and met families that have had the surgery. It literally, you could see in the before and after, and you see how it changes their lives. It's a great organization and I'm proud to be affiliated with it. We've raised, I think now, maybe $170,000. No, wrong, $870,000 over the years. You have. You're never not funny alone. It's raised like, yeah, like close. I think we're close to $100,000 now. In all seriousness, that's amazing. You know what, David? I think we're saying that I hear like other, like there's other, sometimes I'll hear a charity that I'm trying to think of somebody, you know, I gotta have. Jerry Lewis raises $50,000,000,000,000. I know what you're saying. Go ahead. So yeah, right. So I hear that. I hear like Jerry Lewis raises $50,000,000. I raised $150,000 this year. But then I hear like other people like White Sox charities are excited to announce we raised $70,000 over the weekend. Like, well, I raised more than just the White Sox. That's amazing. So I think it's the one thing other than my son, it's the thing I'm most proud of because we just grass-rooted it and, you know, it's one thing that kind of separates never not funny from other podcasts that we do this event and we're thrilled to do it. It really is in all seriousness for a podcast that started from nothing just through sheer force of will and then to build a loyal audience with no network behind it. Nothing. Correct. You just did this through word of mouth through just delivering great consistent funny. And then you're able to I mean, you're close to a million dollars. I mean, that is right. It's pretty neat. I'm thrilled. And how bad do you feel that you keep it all and don't give it to the... I feel a little bad, but only when it's brought up. Otherwise, I'm fine with it. I mean, you know, Daddy's got to eat. Yeah. You know, we showed the video to the children, we showed the children and I get a little tense during that because they're going to see me for the fraud that I am. But then when it's over and I say today we raised $178,000, it feels good to then look at your bank account the next morning. It feels very good. Does it feel good to... So you go down to Mexico and you meet the people who you're helping. Yeah. Did you mind if I ask you... Is there a question on that? Yeah. Did you pick the smile train because you're a comedian and you feel... You can't believe that you can't smile. I mean, I'm being serious. Is that... No, you know what, it's funny you said because there's a quote on the smile train website where I say something like, it makes sense that we have this association with Smile Train because we're both in the business of putting smiles on people's faces. Which is a little small, but it's kind of true. It just kind of happened by cosmic events, really. I saw the ad on a great magazine, that Sunday supplement thing and it had that before and after picture of a baby with the cleft palate and then with the surgery and it had the sentence for $250 you could change a child's life. I donated and then the next day I came into the podcast and our guest that day was Pat Francis and he had mentioned that he too had seen the ad and that he donated and then... On the same day. And so then that turned into us doing like a one-time auction on Never Not Funny too. Hey, if people donate money, whoever donates the most will get to be a guest on Never Not Funny. And then that went from there and then it grew into that auction grew into us doing a 12-hour marathon of having a different guest every half hour and treating it like a telephone and then like I said, this year we raised $148,000 is what we raised this past March. And if people who are listening to this marathon of a show want to donate to the Smile Train, how would they do that? Where do they go? Oh, you know, just go to NeverNotFunny.com and then there's a link right on the front page there to donate to Smile Train and then that way it kind of goes to the window of Never Not Funny so they know why you're donating to them or where it's coming from, but if you just want to go to SmileTrain.org you can do that too. How much of this is... this is kind of cliche to say this but how much of this is a gift to you and your family the Smile Train thing? How does it help you and your beautiful wife and kid? You know, I I don't know if my son understands it but I think it's you know, it also sounds cliche but the very first year we did it and by the way, the first year we only raised like $6,000 that's a lot of money I can't do the math that's about 50 operations or something, right? It's right, right and this is back in 2009 where podcasting was still kind of this niche little cult like thing and I felt like again, I'd given money to charity but at the end of that one even more now even more so than now when we make you know, obviously we raise more money and the huge event that we do, we did it live at Flappers and Burbank this past year and it screams live across the internet and people are donating as they go and there's auctions and there's contests and there's all sorts of ways to raise more money as the event goes on but the first year where we at the end of the night where we said we raised $6,000 I felt a warmth in my body like I know it's like oh, so this is why people do this this is why people do charity and it just felt amazing and then by default, if I'm walking around feeling amazing my wife's going to feel good being in a house with somebody happy for five minutes then I go right back to be in me and she wonders why she's still with me Can I give you some financial advice? I'm listening, yes You have a beautiful, funny wife Right? Yes I do, thank you for saying so I agree 100% Worship her Do not make the mistake that I made Just worship her Just say yes Danielle There's no such thing as justice in a marriage It's not fair just bring her flowers and just worship her and bow at her altar Let me say this about that First of all, I hear where you're coming from but if I showed up one day with flowers her meeting thought would be what's up, what do they do because it's so Same here It would be so out of the order like I hear some flowers, you're like what the f did you do So I'd go the safe route and just never buy her a thing I don't want her to be suspicious I just buy myself nice drinks I'm almost there at the finish line on this divorce And normal men do normal things like flowers chocolate they remember birthdays and stuff they go on vacate Normal men Hey honey I just got booked in Maui Why don't you come with me and that'll be your vacation Right And normal women who are married No woman No normal woman is going to say Hey I'm going to go to Hawaii for a week My husband is playing there and we'll get to hang out Of course he'll be nervous all day Going over he'll be distant and thinking about the show but I'll get to stay in a relatively nice hotel but then when I want to do something fun he'll say easy for you but I'm here on business and that would be my vacation Most women don't put up with that You know it's so funny that you said that because for you know I spent so many years traveling as a comic we all did basically living out of my car and so like the bottom time radio show took me down to the Bahamas I think it was four years in a row and Danielle came with me and it was like well here's our vacation but it was exactly what you just described it was like well our vacation I got up at six in the morning to do this radio show for four hours and then stressed out the whole day about when am I going to sleep because I gotta get up at four o'clock in the morning again the next day to do the radio so you're exactly right that was our first vacations were that so then when we had our honeymoon it was the first time ever that I was doing something travel wise for a week that I didn't have to do a show and I didn't have to get up in the morning because I really had a nervous breakdown the first night of our honeymoon it was great I'm not even... I'm serious I really was like she said what's going on with you I said I don't know what to do right now we just relaxed it was crazy you really are an animal when it comes to the stand up and the performing so I certainly was back then back in 2004 back in those days I was probably traveling 20 weeks a year and now I've gotten it down to maybe 12 weekends a year maybe a little bit more than this year and then it was a time it was 48 to 50 weeks out of the year that I would travel so when I had that honeymoon and it was just a week of nothing by the end of it I actually said to her now I understand why people look forward to their vacations I would enjoy it is to not worry about stuff I just remembered this I was married in 1990 and I didn't know we went to London for a week because I had catch a rising star in Vegas the following week there was some kind of deal on the honeymoon where we could have gone for two weeks and it would have been like the same price but I had to go back I was booked in Vegas I probably lost money but the point I'm making is I just remembered this in order to go into honeymoon mode and vacation mode I wore a necktie every day I got up I don't know why I did this but we would get up and put on a necktie no shirt just a necktie that was fantastic the greatest laugh of the world that was fantastic you had the joke and you were correct but then you wanted to just tweak it a little the honorable thing just to I'm aware that there was a smock involved but for the most part you looked like Fred Fuller anyway, it was great so put on a tie to remind myself that I was on a honeymoon and when you wear a tie you're not a stand up comic you know what it's the opposite of anybody else if somebody is a businessman they want to wear a tie all day long they want to go out and not wear a tie it kind of makes sense make your life a little bit different so that you can relax and not be in stand up mode in religion they're called phylacteries you wear certain things to remind yourself that you're not of this dimension go ahead I wouldn't say because of that you or a nuns have it and it really, really was helpful so I know exactly what you're talking about do you ever find when you're wearing a nuns have it for cosplay that sometimes this enormous breeze kicks up and you're flying yeah, absolutely I'm glad you brought it up so we do most of it now in convention halls and that sort of thing with the air conditioning officer that doesn't happen did you know that the flying nun did not wear panties I did not know that yeah, that's why everybody looked up a lot of people didn't know that about the flying nun do you realize there was a television show called the flying nun I'm crazy about that like if you'll pitch that today they would go maybe for adults with maybe right? the flying nun what was happening there was the flying nun and then there was a German POW camp I know! Hogan's Heroes I love it, I love it I will quote it of course but if anybody wants to listen to Robert I think it's on the second album but it's been about Hogan's Heroes it's dated now but at the time it was like the absurdity of Hogan's Heroes it's absurd it's like Edward H. Feldman who was the producer of Hogan's Heroes and I have a theory when I say Edward H. Feldman did you watch Hogan's Heroes growing up? it was one of those growing up you had the three major networks in Chicago we had WGN that would play all the reruns so by default after school you watch like the same four shows Brady Bunch be witched and Hogan's Heroes those were the four that you watched every day maybe Barney Miller but yes, go ahead so growing up you'd watch Hogan's Heroes which I thought was a pretty good show and I would you know I'd be like six years old going should I change my last name for show business I'm six years old I'm the class clown would I be getting bigger laughs if my last name weren't Feldman should I? what would you change it to why would you think that is that A I mean I'm doing well as a class clown first grade I think I'm the funniest kid in the room but if I when I go to second grade should I change it to Fields or you know use my middle name Gregory should I be like Gregory David maybe I can really because it's going to get more competitive in the second grade with this class clown absolutely so I'd be watching Hogan's Heroes and I'd see executive producer Edward H. Feldman and I thought oh Feldman is an okay name for show business and then my sister explained to me because we'd be watching it together she'd say look how they hold on Edward H. Feldman at the beginning of Hogan's Heroes why do you think they're doing that interesting and I go I don't know because they want to indemnify themselves they're using the Feldman name at the top of Hogan's Heroes to say the Jews approve of this and she said he probably doesn't even do anything for Hogan's Heroes he probably doesn't even exist so change your name because there's a guy named Michael Andriosi who's coming up real fast in the second grade and he might end up beating you as class clown but I didn't change my name how'd Andriosi do it was tough Michael Andriosi a very funny guy I refused he was seven was he really funny he's no funny do you know anything about Andriosi now Andriosi was hysterical had a gentler sense of humor it was very like mine was very biting in the second grade and I was more of a bully and he had a silliness to him and he won he won second grade I should have changed my name I should have changed my name I think the name hurt you I think I did his date hurt you um I uh this is a I went to you know I was not you know in high school I was not voted the funniest kid in class or you know how they do that stupid thing at the end of the year and the guy that was don't give his name he he kind of was what I would do is like he would do all the heavy lifting he would do all the he'd be the silly soft guy like you said like and he would get big laughs and then I would just say one sarcastic thing at the end and get a huge laugh but nobody remembered that because they all remember you know this kid being up on the desk with a crazy hat so uh so recently uh recently a guy came to my show I was working in Chicago and a guy came up to uh came up to me afterwards he goes hey I just ran into so-and-so or I just ran into a guy that you went to high school with and I said uh uh he said he went to Oak Forest High School and I said oh do you probably know Jimmy Parto then uh he's my favorite comedian and the guy goes yeah he wasn't even funny in high school so and so was the funniest guy like f you really in 2017 you're still holding some weird friends about this wow and by the way make noise that guy was fun here there's obvious that was of course of course right that's not his guy wasn't funny he was funny he was funny but he's not funny so you were you were the class and did you when there when you went home at the end of the day if you got a big laugh did you remember it did you remember the feeling of getting the laugh in the classroom and it kind of well yeah because again this guy would do all he'd do all the work and then I would just be a sarcastic gay hole and then you know my friends and I because I wasn't one of the popular kids this guy was we would then talk about it like oh man that was great but you said that line you got that joke in and you know that was great and then yeah and then of course I probably go yeah but that doesn't matter they still don't want to be friends with me let me be one of the popular kids like I'm sure they immediately went to that and then instead of just enjoying the fact that I had great friends around me there are two things I remember you know throughout elementary school and high school are walking down the hall and the girl I had a crush on would say hello to me or if I said hello to her hello hello she said hello to me she said I would carry that for a week did that she said hello to me she made eye contact she smiled at me and the other thing that I would carry were the big laughs that I got in the classroom did that nourish you? it did it did I'm sure there was also some self-loathing I think it did yes there was a girl her name was Donna and I would say same deal I had a crush on I would say hello to her every day I finally talked to this other girl she was one of the popular girls but she didn't seem to be like if there's a popular circle she didn't seem to be a part of the inner circle she seemed to be popular but kind of on the outside of the popular circle and I thought well you know what I bet you I could ask her on a date and she'll say yes I won't make a fool of myself and I talked to another guy and he's like I think you're right you gotta ask Donna on a date and I finally worked up the nerve to ask her how what made you think Donna would go out with you like it was horrible and then like she was very nice about it she said I'm busy and then I remember like six months later going do you have a chance this weekend and she's like no I'm busy I'm like boy you're always busy it's like she didn't even occur to me she said no she didn't want to do this I hate to bring up I hate to bring up Rodney but I'm obsessed with Rodney right now and he's asking Sally Kellerman out and back to school yeah remember the line I don't but go ahead she's a professor he says hey what do you say you go out tonight she doesn't have a class well why don't we have a date tomorrow have another class hmm why don't you call me when you have when you have no class love it uh yeah have you uh have you go ahead I was going to ask you have you ever heard Robert Klein's story about uh going out on a on a boat with Rodney Rodney yeah it's the greatest it's the greatest yeah it's the great Don Rickles yes right I've been suffering from this although you go on YouTube good god I watched Reagan's second inaugural on YouTube the other night after he died uh god was he funny I mean it was he had a tremendous influence on you he did he was one of the um uh you know I put it on facebook the other day that there was three but there's actually four it was Johnny Carson, Richard Lewis, Don Rickles and Robert Klein are the four that really I think you put speed overall uh but you know Rickles is the one that bleeds through the most uh because I do the crowd work and I you know I I've got the false bluster and um uh you know obviously I'm not Don Rickles I'm not doing the same thing as Don but I can understand these people saying well you're like Don Rickles and because it's I I'd be a fool to deny it um but I felt like when I always would make fun of people unfairly when they would say uh you know uh Mickey Mantle died and I cried it was you created another guy you cried you know I don't know what to say about uh but when the news came over the internet the other day that Don Rickles had passed away my eyes I immediately had tears in my eyes and I just was like I texted my wife I said Don Rickles passed away I'm kind of shaking about it like he was a guy like that you and I both we've been watching this guy since we were a kid and being influenced by him and and and because we you and I both have a more biting you know you relate to what Don did and the chances that he took and you know there were times like I did the same thing as you I went down that wormhole of YouTube clips and I'm watching him with you had a Sinatra and Carson and he's not really getting laughs even Rickles but he's being hysterical you know um what do you mean he's not getting hang on for one second this is really important to me he wasn't getting laughs not not really he was just kind of you know doing his Rickles stick of you know uh you know look at that he's you know looking at a coaster saying where's my hat uh it's Sinatra and Carson are buckled over and the audience is kind of laughing you know what I mean but yet if you or I watched it again I'm not saying we're special but you know I'm dying to laugh at this and I'm sure anybody that's really in the county's dying but I think if you're just a normal person you're wondering first of all those sentences don't make sense and Zaley why is it why is he interrupting Frank Sinatra the biggest star in the world let me hear Frank talk some more so like there's a weird energy in the room I thought but still wonderful to watch I was having a name dropping here I'm gonna brag okay almost and this is really just to uh impress you I had coffee yesterday with Gilbert Gottfried okay and then the name coming who else was there so you can name drop come on that's fine that's funny so I think Gilbert is you know just great great I mean I mean there is anyway I saw I was gonna say something about Gilbert and I'm gonna start getting sappy so okay but we were talking about stop that immediately yeah yeah so we're talking about the TV audience at home versus the people in the studio and I said who cares what the people in a television studio think it's what the people at home think and some of my criticism of the stand up specials is don't cater to the room you're playing to think of the people at home think of the people at home because if you think of the people at home it's gonna be a completely different funnier, smarter stand up performance what do you think about that by the way if my father were still alive this is what he would say you had coffee with Gilbert Gottfried all you have to tell me is what you told Gilbert Gottfried you pompous blowhard I did not see it that way I'm not your father I saw that two comedians talking about shop and I love it I think that I 100% agree with you but how do you not and you know we do these live never not funny shows once a month at Flappers and Burbank we have one coming up and it took us a few of those shows by plugging my own show it took us a few of those live shows to not chase the laughs in the room and remember there's only 100 people sitting here 25 to 50,000 listen across the world so stay true to the studio version of not funny while you're doing the live version of them yes it's great to get those 100 people laughing obviously that's our job is to make that audience laugh they pay money to sit there and listen but at the end of the day you're doing a show that goes out to the world so I hear exactly what you're saying because I agree with it that there's people at home be true to what you're doing so the people that are fans of yours and that followed your years but how do you not try to get the laughs in the room because that's what we're instinctively as comedians that's what we do is you want that instant satisfaction that instant gratification I think it's really hard to not do that yet I ever said agree with you so the night that Rickles is on with Johnny and Frank and they're laughing hysterically does he know that the audience isn't? I don't but that's a great question that's a great question I don't know the answer to that and I can't even ask him because I don't know if you heard he passed away no yeah we lost Rickles stupid comedian I have to get a laugh at that even though we know and we're both grieving but there's also a clip you go ahead it's not like you had a better question no actually I care more about the other clip I want to make sure I write it down and watch it well maybe you have it in fact I recommend watching all the clips of Irv Cups in it Irv Cup from Chicago from Chicago newspaper journalist and a I think I'm being kind when I say average talk show host he had Rickles Robert Goulet the local sportscaster Tim Weigel and Tommy LaSorta LaSorta so actually Rickles was not the dirtiest act up there it was and Irv I want you to watch the clip because first of all it turned out to be like I said I went down the warm hall of watching these clips too and I watched that Rickles one well then all of a sudden that one made me go well I'm done watching Rickles clips I gotta watch Cup clips for the rest of the night I'm watching the Irv Cup clips and it's literally I mean it's almost like podcasting back in the 70s it's because it's so intimate it's like they don't even realize there's people watching it they're talking over each other there's one thing where Lucille Ball is talking and Elizabeth Ashley is talking and they're talking over each other David Mamet's there trying to make a point nobody gives a shit it's fascinating but with Rickles Rickles is doing his shtick and LaSorta's the audience is dying LaSorta's laughing his ass off that's what's happening and Tim Weigel the sports guy's going he's laughing at every word out of Rickles mouth and Cup is trying to keep it on the rails and doesn't realize that the show's on the rails because he's in the hands of Don Rickles who knows what he's doing and he just keeps going okay there goes Don again alright here we go with Don again okay Don but Rickles is being it's you have to watch it it's wonderful I love it I remember Irv Cup he briefly got syndicated and I used to he had a bad to pay right he had a horrible to pay yes yes that's what I remember even as a kid I could spy on a bad to pay right and they couldn't even know that's an option and you knew he had one I'm going into third grade I turned to my sister is this should I get the transplants what do you think should I yeah I think you should have a give it a little time so podcasting you said something really interesting because growing up if you had insomnia you could turn on the radio and there were guys who had call and shows who knew how to fill time they weren't necessarily brilliant or witty but they could keep a conversation going until 6 in the morning and there were television shows like that where if you couldn't sleep or you were drinking and smoking dope there was always a guy who was on at you know one in the morning and you describe that with cups in it that he had this thing well in the 90s all that disappeared because of the telecommunications act and the corporations bought up all the radio stations and all the TV stations and began running infomercials forever that disappeared and podcasts filled the vacuum yeah right I'll go along with that right and when so and one of the things that I've been realizing is I've thrown myself completely into the podcast I go through phases where because I've been doing mine since 2009 I know it's hard for you to believe this but I'm one of the early guys I know I know you are that's what's weird it's like I've been doing it since 2006 but I was so like you mentioned Keith and the girl and there were a few of us that were doing it that early was it didn't take off until 2012 or whatever but so the 2009 is still pretty early right and a couple of things is I go through periods where I really throw myself into the podcast because I do think it's a medium and an art form in and of itself for years and this is I have a question okay this is a question for you did you when you started think this is radio so I'm going to recreate radio did you then realize no this is something brand new that isn't going to lead to anything because it is what it is and it's a really powerful medium and it's different from radio it's different from television podcasts are an art form that are not that are unlike anything else I think when we started there's no question that I because the podcast were out there other than Ricky Gervais and I was nothing there with Keith and the girl there was somebody another one called Don and Drew and then there were some other comedy ones tech ones they always they all sounded like somebody talking to their microphone on their computer and I had said if we're going to do this I wanted to sound like it's a radio show I wanted to sound like we like you select those overnight radio guys or you know I grew up idolizing Steve Dahl and Gary Meyer in Chicago I wanted it to kind of sound like that where this guy's talking and conversational so that was my initial what I wanted to do is I wanted to replicate radio talk radio without the bells and whistles and the sound effects all that which ironically here we are 11 years later on my show and we've added you know everything has a drop now we've dropped some songs and it's called what I want to do but it's but it happened organically and it's and it's working and your audience grows with you and they did yeah they did that's exactly right so they grew with me so like it's not crazy like that all of a sudden they come out of the box with song parodies and drop-ins and people are like what is this what's this guy trying to be radio on a podcast for me that's not going to work but the fact that it all like you said they grew with us and they happened organically they saw the transformation I think and to kind of speak to what you said about how we didn't know this was anything that's not going to lead anywhere it really did feel like that like hey we're just doing this to entertain ourselves and if people are listening hey that's great too and then it it happened you know what I mean like this podcasting thing took off for all of us and I'm great to think Christ I got in when I did so that I had this following and I'm not trying to chase the dragon like so many other guys now if you're not famous I don't know how you start a podcast now if you're just a funny guy living in Ohio and you say I'm going to do a podcast I'm going to get my buddies around and we're going to talk about you know good luck to you I mean I don't know how you do it that's very interesting because I pride myself I say when people ask me about a podcast I say well when I started I wasn't famous you know I was a comedy writer who you know did a little TV but nobody you know and I grew this word of mouth I really did right but I do wonder and I do have access to you so in all fairness I have access to you and I've done your show so there is this trading you have access to and you also have access to you know like Gilbert and other people like that who then that helps you if you're just a guy in Ohio you don't have that access and it's hard to be you might be the funniest guy in the world but nobody's going to know it because you don't have that access you know so that helped you know that helped you you did have some you had enough fame that you were able to get some names to help you build the brand I got punch me in the face for saying that sense but right but welcome to Night Vale came out of nowhere I don't you're right but again that had its own special thing I think it when Welcome Night Vale came out and it's kind of the same with the first serial it had enough of and this goes against what I do had enough of listening to three white guys sitting around with it and so if you're in the podcasting it's like well I already listened to Pardo I might listen to Feldman I might listen to Door although Door's political so that's the per story but you know I might listen to Hardwick I get enough of that hey what's this oh you're a scripted thing I mean you know what I mean I've found who's the executive producer of the show Alex Brazel great guy you've talked to him but you haven't actually oh that's right he's amazing he's great and his comedic instincts are impeccable one of the things that I'm finding with the podcast is we used to do sketch comedy most people appreciated it but it wasn't popular the opening of our thing were Cap Bemelman doing the pre-interview there are this is what I've noticed because I get a lot of feedback from my listeners they really don't enjoy like me being Cap Bemelman doing the pre-interview and going they really want a conversation an interview on my show and a round table where we're being goofy and talking when it's a prepared sketch or improv they don't want it some of them do but if in terms of going for the a big audience it pushes a bigger audience away by doing prepared bits or improv well then I'm thrilled that we did 22 minutes up for it holy shit do you pay attention to what's working and just continue with it it reminds me of stand up is what it reminds me of I don't for better or worse I kind of don't pay attention the only thing that I will ever because I still feel like a podcast is you don't take notes from a network executive you don't you're marching for lack of a better phrase the beat of your own drum and you're doing what you want to do and if people like it great and if they don't they can find another one to watch or to listen to but I will listen to if somebody over the years certain words have become taboo like I grew up in a generation where F.A.G where you it didn't mean anything it just kind of called your buddies that I'm on the playground it didn't mean anything really derogatory I know that sounds weird to say but we started getting enough emails of saying hey you guys you're in your 40s you sound like assholes saying that calling each other that name so maybe you stop doing that okay you know what I'll take that note that's a great note or you know I would make jokes about tranny porn and I got an email from a guy saying once there a woman again I don't know I don't know which one was writing me but they're like hey you know that's kind of like the N word in our circles like alright fair enough you know what I don't know that but that's a great I had the same experience I had the same experience yeah go ahead but that's it I will take those notes but if somebody writes into me and says hey I don't really like when you do the celebrity sightings you know it's a waste of time and it's not really fun to play along with and then I start writing the letter back to that guy going well you know what the celebrity sightings is really just an excuse for us to then talk about that guy maybe his career and then maybe that movie and then we talk about that movie and maybe that leads us to the topic of bicycle riding you never know what's going to lead organically to conversation so that's why you have these tent poles that then lead you into organic conversation so instead of writing that out I just ignore him because ask him he's wrong so I ignore those type of notes but if there's notes about stuff happening in our world I'm not going to ignore that because that would be insane I love getting feedback from the listeners I treasure it because I need to know what they want the only problem is sometimes well sometimes I get some I find out who the listeners really are right and should I call the police that kind of stuff but for the most part you have to sometimes question okay you're different because you're you took the time to write this are you an actual reflection of most of the listeners is is the most passionate listener all of the listeners but then again the most passionate listeners are the ones who stay with you for the longest hey I jotted down a note for this is not this is just going to derail the conversation but this is this is my trademark on the show is just ruin it yeah about so you turn 21 this is the first rule of hosting a show is listen focus if you have something funny to say but you can't squeeze it in move on right you don't believe in that you take a note and go back to it I have a note to go back to something you said and that ruins the show because now because we had a nice flow and we were really connecting but I'm just going to grind the show to it just a dead stop and go back to I'm glad you are because the truth is I apologize we have to wrap this up anyway I know so you derailing this is perfect it brings us back it stops that nice flow and then that way I'm not the guy going hey David I enjoy the conversation but I got to go so now I'm not the bad guy anymore it's on you you're being a great host by not putting the blame on me for this ending go on right and by the way my shows go very long and everybody I interview says hey I got to go which means this show should be hosted by Dukalax and I should call the show I got to go because everybody I just go on and on with my guests until they finally say I got to go or what I want to say is enough and what note did you write down let's get to that and then I'm hanging up okay the F word you really can't say it and it's very difficult for me because and I'm very proud of this joke that I came up with that I jotted down I made it up all you were talking because I wasn't listening because that's what a good host does growing up there's an expression think Yiddish dress British have you ever heard of that no I never heard it it's a common phrase among my people think Yiddish dress British and my father's best friend was my size same execs I just made this up but it's brilliant and I'm really proud of it and very elegant I got all his shirts monogramed and when he died I got all his shirts and they were monogramed and his name was Fred Anderson Greenberg his name was Fred Anderson Greenberg and I now I have 25 Oxford shirts owned by their monogram owned by a guy named Anderson Greenberg now I can't wear them anymore anyway by the way I'm laughing I don't want you to think I'm silent I'm laughing I'm enjoying the beast I'm more importantly I'm enjoying you repeating it nine times to get the bigger laugh that's what I'm enjoying so we've been talking for the past seven hours with Jimmy Pardo he will be in Philadelphia 22nd at Helium doing a live version of Never Not Funny and I want to say that's in the afternoon that's an afternoon show go ahead you were about to plug the Seattle one and you will be in Bellevue April 13th right at the parlor yes at the parlor live it's a Thursday that's an evening Never Not Funny same night my co-host Matt I will be there doing a live Never Not Funny in the evening and then the 22nd is an afternoon show in Philadelphia and how do people get tickets you know what I think there's a link on NeverNotFunny.com to go to the various sites but I think if you go to parlorlive.com maybe for the Seattle one or then Helium Philadelphia they can Google that and then brings it right to that website and if people want to donate to Smile Train again SmileTrain.org but if you want to go through the link on our page that lets them know that we sent you there there's a link right on it sounds like we get a kickback or something we don't it just lets them know that people are you know familiar with SmileTrain because Never Not Funny and it kind of just lets them know that the relationship is working great hey we could have gone 6 hours straight I know that I know and you got to when you come to LA you got to come back on our show such great response from that thank you so much buddy you bet and as I quote literally almost every show my favorite thing in the history of our show is you saying we're having fun with words it's my favorite thing in the world alright goodnight talk to you later