 if you're a man or a woman But if you're spending time with someone and you realize you're wasting your time or you're being used It really does suck Imagine that someone who's actually wasting your time or worse Using you now There's basically three types of people in the dating marketplace today and when I say people I mean men and women alike and in the next few minutes I want to share with you that type of these people so you can easily spot the one That are going to use you or waste your time versus those people are actually ready for a more serious relationship those people who are capable of a more serious relationship and I just want to say for the ladies since my audience is Predominantly women I want you to know there are really good men out there. I'm gonna repeat that There are a lot of good men out there. It's just many of them are bad daters for a variety of reasons So let's take a look at the dating marketplace today to see the three different pipe types of people who are out in the marketplace When I you know, it's funny. I say the word marketplace But in a way, isn't it kind of like shopping when you're out there dating you're shopping for your mate in a way? Because we no longer live in tribes. We no longer live in villages where we mated with people whom we knew I repeat that we mated with people whom we knew they were in our environment. We knew them They knew our families. It was so much easier back then and today because at least here in the United States We live in a melting pot of a variety of different People's from ethnic backgrounds to social economic backgrounds to religion to politics and everything It's a lot harder to find someone who's more aligned with your values aligned in your lifestyle And again what I'm about to share in the next minute is emotional maturity. So let's take a look at those three people I'm gonna show you a chart by the way. I want you notice on the bottom here. This is not a fact This is merely opinion But I say here roughly 20% of the population are users users now again, this isn't an exact number But when I talk about a user, I'm talking about those love bombers. I'm talking about those players I'm talking about the gold diggers. I'm talking about the entitled people and this is true This is not singular to men. This is both men and women alike and then you might oversee over here I'm gonna there's something called growers and builders. I'll talk about that in a second But the vast majority of people are spenders Now spenders are people who want companionship. They want connection. They want Copulation or sex, but they're either incapable of being a relationship. They're not intentional They have no direction. They're not very clear or worse. They're in a state of fear. I'm gonna repeat that They're in a state of fear and if you're in a state of fear It's gonna be very difficult to actually lean into a more serious more happy more healthy Relationship and I don't care if you're a man or woman if you're in fear This is gonna be a challenge and then the last category of the growers and builders the growers are the builders that are Capable of commitments and they're not afraid. They're capable of commitment and they're not afraid and Let me just say this coming back to the spenders Okay, if you can see in this arrow, they're either moving They're either they were a user that might be moving from user to spender and the spender might be moving towards a grower So here's the thing Even though a significant population is in the spender or grower the user of the spender category There are men that are just coming out of the tunnel to becoming those men that can actually lean into a healthy happy relationship And the reason why I know this is folks. I was a user in the past. I was a love bomber I was a I was never really a player, but I was incredibly dysfunctional after my divorce I was a train wreck. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol I was suffering in my professional life and when I say I used women I was feeding off of the dating process to fill the void inside of me not from an intentional place But from a place of depravity within myself. Not that I was a Depravity I was deprived in my in my emotional life That's why I can speak to this and and I'm gonna be candid with you I am no I many of you put me up on a pedestal because I do put myself out there to be vulnerable Authentic and transparent and yet I've done idiotic things as recently as yesterday and the day before yesterday in the in the dating marketplace If you will and I say idiotic things sometimes Loneliness sets in and I swipe on women I'm probably not interested in just to get that immediate Validation because it's like crack cocaine when you're on a dating app that swipe And then they they swipe you back and you match in for a moment and then I go and delete them So I'm no perfect person here. I just happen to share from experience I'm not one of my contemporaries who got married 10 years ago talking about this marketplace. I'm living the marketplace right now So with respects to those growers It's taken me a lot of personal development work spiritual work Self-help work to get into this place and one of the things I do as a coach is help you identify Which men are the users which men are gonna spend or waste your time and which men are gonna grow with you In fact, if you need some help with that check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a Coach is right for you because that's what I do I help you identify the men who are either growers or just coming out of the spender category And we've even created an awesome questionnaire for you to use such again check out the link below Now, why am I sharing this with you? Because I've gone on a heroic journey to become more vulnerable authentic and transparent Certainly when my son passed away almost four years ago It catapulted me in a place of really leaning into what does it mean to love yourself? This is why I wrote my book what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a link below to get all the books. I recommend Why do I share this with you? Because when you're in a really good place when you're in an empowered place You'll be able to spot these red flags that I'm about to share with you on those people again This is true of men and women alike, but we're talking about men that are going to use you or waste your time So let's lean into this right now And let's talk about the men that are going to use you and waste your time So these are in no particular order. It's just how I listed them here But number one he talks about himself. He talks about himself. He really doesn't ask about you If you begin to notice this not on a first date But certainly when you get into before you become physically intimate with a man If you notice these more talking about you or talking about how great the relationship will be I'm gonna repeat that because here's what love bombers do They talk about how great the relationship will be and they'll talk about you from the Exterior but not from a place of actually knowing things about you and men who are gonna use you or waste your time Typically not always do this Now partially because men are rather men and women are rather dysfunctional and have terrible Relationship skills. I'm gonna repeat that men and women are rather dysfunctional and have terrible relationship skills This is why I created my much emotional maturity relationship skills chart. This is not a fact This is an opinion by the way, you can see the percentage are the same Roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues and while I say 20% are healthy I'm probably being generous here because most everybody is dysfunctional And I include myself in somewhat of a dysfunctionality because to be a human being means we're not perfect What healthy means is that they probably have good Communication skills and here's the thing when I share that chart This is for men and women alike you ladies all think you're so fucking perfect when it comes to your communication skills And yet I get call after call after call from women who are afraid to actually speak up in relationship So if you're such great communicators Why are you so afraid to speak up in your relationship? I'm telling you men and women alike are rather dysfunctional and I think sadly human beings live in a delusion Most humans are rather delusional to their negative patterns. They're limiting beliefs in life. They're hypocrisy or worse They're victim consciousness and sadly here in the United States most people are suckling on the nipple of I need you to Love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself And this is why I implore you all implore you to again work on yourself So you don't have to feed off of someone else this whole I need you to complete me This is why I continually recommend the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas So you can actually recognize those people who are going to use you and waste your time So I shared the first one. Let's talk about the second one and That is they don't actually go out on dates with you They invite you to their home or they go to your home now. Here's the thing about home Home represents a safe private environment to connect with someone So there's a real benefit to going at someone's home versus going to a bar or a nightclub Or a restaurant because you get a level of privacy to talk to one another that's great But here's the thing if you're not actually going on dates with someone and you're basically going to their home Then they're used they've most likely it's because they want sex and I know some women are totally okay with that Then that's okay. I'm not here to judge what your choices are But if you want a serious relationship if you want something beyond a Spender then it's good if they're not taking you on on dates, then there's a good chance He's gonna be a user or a waster of your time and so just pay attention to that number three And this is the most obvious one when we think of user is He's uses you for money and he makes you pay for things if a guy is habitually asking you to pay for things That's a user if he asked to borrow money He's a user this guy doesn't want a serious relationship if he doesn't have a shit together Then is he a really good candidate to be in relationship? And yet I see this happening so frequently with you ladies you will choose man Because you're listen, you're beautiful human beings, but you're also terrible enablers This is why when I work with clients, I'm so grateful that I'm in a profession I just got a call the other day from a client who just let me know I mean we'd matter of fact I had one yesterday and then today a client to really tell me She's found both of them found really great guys. I shouldn't say found these men found them And they weren't on dating apps That's the other thing you know the dating app is a fucking cluster fuck out there fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking wait a minute Dating apps are let's read that fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck That's what dating apps are these days and it's great I'm having clients meeting men out in the real world and they're both sharing with me They can tell the difference in fact one of my clients I asked her I Asked her I go the question was does he make you laugh and she goes oh my god Jonathan I've never been with someone who makes me laugh like this man And I was like so happy for so I know when we can get out of our own way And we can learn how to vet for emotional maturity how to vet for the right person you won't be stuck paying attention to these signs because the next sign is he of a Guy who's gonna use your waste your time. He avoids introducing you to his friends. He avoids Introducing you to his friends That's a sign that he he's gonna basically just want to use your waste your time Now here's the thing that men now some men have friends that don't live nearby That's okay, but they actively talk about their friends in a healthy way with the intent of wanting you to meet them Okay, number five He avoids conversations about the future. He avoids conversations about the future That's a really good sign that someone isn't serious about something beyond the surface And we're gonna talk about something in a moment that I think will help mitigate these all these types of men If you establish one standard right before and I'll share it with you in a moment So number six his actions consistently don't match his words his actions don't consist by the way, you know that one That's an obvious one but again On sometimes just flabbergasted at how many of you Well, you're you're ha you you would rather be in a shitty relationship than no relationship at all And I can tell you I've been single now going on for several years now and I've never Been this happy in my life. I'll be candid with you working on myself after Connor passed away has been an absolute gift To really get to know who I am as a person to really stand in my power to really Enjoy my own company and if you're in a relationship because it's better to be in a crappy relationship Than to be alone. I'm here to share with you You are missing the true journey of what it's like to actually learn to enjoy your own company When you can operate from a place of enjoying your own company You can actually then become a magnetic attractor for what you want This is why I've scrapped the dating apps for myself And I invite in love of my life by with a prayer And I send out a call to the universe and I say dear universe God universe spirit I invite in a relationship where we have mutual chemistry with one another I invite in a relationship Where we have amazing communication with each other and we have great banter and we can laugh and play together And we share the same values and we're compatible in our lifestyles and our emotional maturity is aligned where we can handle Conflicts and differences in the with ease and we're attuned to each other And we're consistent with one another and we're truthful with one another because we operate from a place of Integrity and we can build the deep roots of trust that will carry us forward. I Don't have to have that right now in my life. I will actually never reframe that I actually have that in my life because that's what I embody for myself right now And when you can actually embody that for yourself You become a magnetic attractor to who you are and what you want and that's my invitation for you Is to become that magnetic attractor so you will repel these men who will use you and waste your time And we're gonna spend a couple more minutes going through this and then I want to share with you Another simple tool to avoid the men who are gonna use you and waste your time Number seven he avoids seeing you unless sex is involved. I've been that guy. Hey, I know that guy and lastly You just don't feel special with him But then again if this is happening, why are you with him ladies? I see this happening frequently you're in relationships again Because it's better to be in a mediocre relationship than no relationship at all folks. It is time to stand into your power It's time to become your bitch And if you haven't read the book why men love bitches I just started reading this and by the way bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes This is an amazing book to learn to become more empowered within yourself because when you're an empowered bitch you won't worry about Attracting the wrong guy because you will repel the wrong guys and actually invite in a better class of men in your life So one I'm gonna give you one solution to avoid the users and the guys who are gonna waste your time And that is something I shared in the most recent video Get him to commit before sleeping with you are having sex and that is to implement the dating vow The dating vow and if you haven't heard this before there's an old saying Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment And I want you to think back to about 50 or 60 years ago It used to be if a man wanted to get laid he had to marry you he made the ultimate commitment and Since the invention of birth control that changed everything because now men do not have to make any sort of commitment to a woman To get laid and if you follow my work You know before the penis goes inside the vagina You should be reading you should both be reading the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman to determine If you're aligned to who you both are and what you really want a relationship And then you're going to implement before you have sex the dating vow the dating vow This is brand new material for me And I invite you to do this and the dating vow is here and it simply says I Agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious Within the next three to six months that you both are reciting this vow. I Agree to be monogamous sexually while we're both having regular sex together. I Agree to not actively Meet or date others while we're in this process of getting to know one another which includes I'll take down my dating profile if you met through a dating profile Number four. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back Ghosting or disappearing and Lastly, I agree to invest regular time the process to get to know you which looks like this We spent two or three or four nights a week the days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional lives Which leads to eventually either moving in or getting married. This is what I want and ladies 90% of the men are gonna say no Thank you because they can get the milk from free from all those women known as low hanging fruits That's right. Ladies. You're gonna hate that term I really want you to be pissed it and I want you to be mad at yourself whenever you've operated from low hanging fruit Whenever you've operated from a place of lowering your standards You should get fucking mad and say I won't do this again I will set a higher standard and I will not have sex with a man until we have some level of commitment or agreement with one another Because without it you can be used over and over and over again And do you really want to waste your time unless you know someone is legit and again if they're gonna read this and by the way Ladies, I am getting email after email from women telling me they're reading the book eight dates with a guy And it's making a difference If you want to be low hanging fruit, you are more than welcome to do that But my audience sets a higher standard for themselves And that's my invitation for you all to set a higher standard for yourself And so you can be like the hundreds of clients I worked with over the years that actually attract in an amazing man in your life is if that's what you want Say Jonathan right in the in the caption there. That's what I want. I want an amazing relationship Give me an amen Whoo, wow That took a lot out of me By the way, I'm having a terrible hair day. I don't like I'm looking at myself in the camera And I don't like the hair day I'm having and I'm heading off to the symphony tonight, so I'm not happy about that Anyway All right, I think it's time for our Q&A those who know me by the way was this helpful Did this make a difference? Let me know if this is making a difference All right, so it's time for our Q&A person for those of you on the live stream There's a chat box there where you can post a question You can write a question write the word question and post the question there after or purchase a super sticker super chat All the money's from the super sticker super chat and also if you're watching the replay There's a super. Thanks button. You can click that all the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Azley, that's my son there Connor. That's him there That's my son who passed away almost four years ago now and in his honor I've started a scholarship fund to give to charities like the Hoffman process Insights seminars and help people defray the cost of personal development. So again the Hoffman process Or excuse me the super sticker super chat goes that and you can post a question there or you can press the super Thanks button if you're watching the replay All right, let's get started my coffee mug says do all things would love do all things would love Hmm HR says your hair looks great. I'm a barber everyone. Have a great evening. I'm off. Have a good one J.R. Or HR All right, I think I saw a question come up earlier Bump bump bump bump question Alexandra, can you make the dating vow downloadable? Can you rewind it and why I'm right it down? I did I will post it on the description later today Yes, I can do that Alexandra. I'll post it in the description today As soon as I wrap up Jody says I love the vow way to go Jade says men can get the milk for free from the low hanging fruit. I'm not that's just my perception I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying what it is Tara says yes low hanging fruit Jody said oh, we already said that so let's see what else do you have a question for me? Wanda says I've never been low hanging fruit never will be I want to I want a great man Amen. Have you had sex with the man who ever disappeared on you? Let's see Let's see. I'm watching says a guy introduced me to his friends right away turned out He just wanted to hang out all the time with them and of course hook up So I'm meeting I'm so in my opinion meeting friends has to have the right context. That is a good point. So It's just these are little these aren't all absolutes But when you start noticing a pattern, that's when you start to recognize that if he's not introducing you to friends He only wants to hang out in your home His actions don't match his words You know, he doesn't take you out on dates These are just some of the things to pay attention to for the men who are the users and the wasters of time All right, here we go Alexander says personal statement your hair is good. Just brush and go. Thank you Corny Cobb says question I'm with a great guy, but our plumbing just doesn't work together. What should I do? You know, this is always a tough one when when two people aren't compatible sexually. This is always a tough one You know, there is I would say There are sex teachers out there. In fact, I'm going to do a I'm actually doing a psilocybin journey in June at a retreat center and I actually I met some of the women that are gonna That were at the function that I was at and there were three Sex therapists there so I would say you might want to consider a sex therapist for your relationship is becoming very common to help Entice or improve the relationship with one another and if he's afraid to go to some any type of therapy with you Then he really doesn't want to build the relationship together So if you want to improve you might want to consider sex therapy I have by the way have several friends in that profession I have a female friend who helps women really Ignite their sexual fire from within especially women that are men are gone through menopause or pre menopausal That their sex drive might have shifted. She's Greta great Greta Grace She's fantastic. I know several women in that capacity. So look at around in your area to see for sex therapists Or not sex worker sex therapists. All right That's my only suggestion. I hope that helps Let's see Anna question. Hi, I'm from Australia Jonathan. It's my first time. I caught you live Anna That's not a question, but thank you for the statement See what else we have Again if you have a question post the question or purchase a super sticker super chat or a super. Thanks. Ah Let's see. I Don't see any quite again. If you have a question write the word question and post an actual question thereafter All right, looks like we have a bashful group tonight. Oh Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming Mary Ann says are you going to the play tonight? Actually? I'm seeing I'm going to the Disney Hall Center in Los Angeles To see Jeff Goldblum play I believe he plays the piano Jeff Goldblum who was in the big chill? He was in Jurassic Park just a name of and he was in the fly So he's performing and my best friend has third row center seats. It's his family seat So the Disney Hall I just the only thing I'm pissed about is we have to wear masks. Oh god I'm so fucking fed up with masks. Anyway, thank you for asking Mary Ann Jade writes Question Can you please kindly give hints about how to communicate speak your truth and do it kindly? Keep focused to connect yourself without vomiting or being passive or being true to you So here's the thing. Well, let's here. I'm gonna pull up the book Okay, I'm gonna pull up up the book. Thank you Jade. It's called. I hear you the surprising simple skills behind Extraordinary relationships. Let me give you an example So they have examples here in the book. Okay, so I'm gonna read one. This is known as an invalidating response That's unfortunate, but you'll get over it. It could be worse My neighbor caught the flu last year and was bedridden for almost a month That's an invalidating response a validating response would be ah that sucks sounds miserable It's so frustrating not being able to sleep when you're sick. I can't stand sore throats So you see the difference between an invalidating or a validating response? I'll give you another one. You have nothing to be embarrassed about you did a great job or I'm sorry, honey. It's tough getting it's tough getting up there in front of the whole school like that Especially when you're performing. Is there anything specific you worried about? So now that was obviously for a child But this is a great book to learn Different versions of responses this book along with I highly recommend reading the book Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg check out the link below to this books an amazing book to learn better communication skills So Jade, I hope that answered your question. Thank you so much. That was a great one All right, let's see what we have. What do we have? Oh? I want to thank womb for the dollar ninety-nine super sticker. Thank you so much See Question from pugs How do you get rid of a pathological liar and a narc who thinks he's God's gift blocked won't don't work? You know From what I'm you know it take a shotgun Pointed at his balls and say if you bug me ever fucking again, this is what's gonna happen to you Now I'm being a little bit rhetorical there. That's not a You know, I wish there was a way we could hire big-ass people to Intimidate someone so to put the fear of the God of them, you know, I you know it used to be back in the 50s You know your big brother would be your protector. I always say ladies I'm your big brother with the shotgun point at the guy's face saying what's your intentions And if you fuck with my little sister, I've kicked the shit out of you I wish we could go back to an old way that said, you know You could actually maybe even hire someone to say if you fuck with this person you're gonna get the shit kicked out of you That's what I wish could happen because going to the police doesn't seem to work because they have no authority You know, I don't know if it makes sense to do something underground I'm not a really expert in this area I would talk to a police officer and maybe get their perspective on what they recommend to do You could certainly report the person and get a restraining order on them. That's probably but that might elevate the situation I'm sorry. You've experienced that that really fucking sucks and I'm sending you a lot of love. I'm sorry about that one pugs alright Wanda says question. How do I find a great man? I've had the user and the spender and the love bomber last two years I'd rather be alone if that's all that's left. I don't go to bars. Where can I meet a nice guy? So one of the things I teach in my private coaching is to become a magnetic attractor for what you want and So usually what I find is that when I work with a client, there's usually some block That's causing them to choose the wrong person and when we remove the block They literally become magnetic attractors to what they want So it's hard to say because it's not like men are just sitting in one place, you know, but I will tell you I met a bunch. I went to a It was called amazing strangers meet events and there's all kinds of organizations out there to put you in front of people I would say church could be a place go to the places where and build a huge fucking network of friends So you can meet people who share your values to share your lifestyle do those things But it's gonna require herculean work because they're not sitting in one place. They're everywhere. They're all over And they are even online dating sites. I'm on a dating site still I don't just don't use it actively anymore. I just I paid the extra price So I can just look up the people that want to meet me and then I sift through that. That's what I'm doing And I'm very particular. I'll be candid with you. I'm very particular if a woman by the way 99 out of 100 profiles I look at from women's profiles are fucking vomit worthy. I mean, it's worthy to vomit That's how bad it is. So when someone messages me, I look and I go if that's the best you can do We are not you're we're not aligned Because I'm intentional and you've just put the your dirty clothes out on the hamper here in this profile Or if you write something, I don't want losers. I don't want users. I don't want liars I don't want narcissists. Well, guess what you're gonna keep attracting that I'm looking for that woman who who recognizes that she can become if she represents the light from within That's what I'm seeking. So are you doing that? I don't know what you're doing I'd have to work with you to determine that because guys aren't just sitting in one place going This is where they're at They're everywhere and you have to learn to become a magnetic attractor for who you are and what you want Want to thank you so much for your question Tucker says I met Joff Goldblum once many years ago. He's a nice man. I don't think I'll meet him But that's really sweet. I'm happy to hear that Alexander says, what are you hoping to experience this weekend? It's been years since I've experienced Silicide and it was great. Highly doubt anything like that would be in Georgia. Tell us what it's like So I am doing I'm going to my shot my normal shaman this weekend to do a journey I my intention is to connect with my spiritual side. My intention is to connect with my ancestral side my intention is to to invite my higher self to To to be able to hear what my higher self message is for me That's what I want to connect with my divine higher self and and allow Whatever message is meant to be given to me it now to be able to receive any message That's what my intention is for this next psilocybin journey. I do these about once a month now They're just so much fucking fun, too. It's just fun, too folks You know people live life in a hamster wheel I've lived I lived my life in a hamster wheel the same thing over and over and over again expecting different results and when I let go of what society expects of me and when I let go of what I expect of society and when I decided to choose a journey of of Exploring who I am on the inside an introspective journey To be able to let go of judgments to let go of guilt to let go of resentments to constantly shed all those things that cause Frustration in my life. I began recognizing that there are opportunities using plant-based medicines to enhance the experience of connecting with your divine self And I was watching a rom-dos Documentary the other day if you're not familiar with rom-dos He used to hang out with Timothy Larry who and they During Timothy Larry is known for LSD and they used to spend a lot of time with psychedelics exploring and put rom-dos in particular Was exploring the fear of death the fear of death And when he was able to come to a place of no longer being afraid of death to embrace that when we pass away We actually are body. We are just a shell right now We are we are pure energy and we will connect with God universe and source energy at some point in a divine way In a way, we can't even imagine that is pure light and pure love at least that's my interpretation of what it is and What happens with the plant-based medicine it allows you to taste that allows you to taste as in the first Star Trek movie known this Which I can't remember the Star Trek with John Luke Picard where he got he was inside the nexus That's what it feels like it feels like what it's like to be awake in a dream To be actually awake in your dreams and it's amazing experience. So Alexandra You're part of my private membership group. So we'll talk about it there By the way, check out the link to midlife love mastery so you can connect with me Percy on a regular basis for a fraction of what it costs to work with me. I'm private coaching. All right. Thank you for that question All right, Isabella says Question how long should we talk over the phone weekly? I'm in a four-week relationship so far Not a big fan of the phone. I'd rather see him, but I'm willing to put in the effort um, I Think when you're in a when you're in a healthy happy relationship Where you're seeing each other two three or four days and or nights a week together Four weeks in you're not quite there yet. You're probably at twice a week I'd say morning check-in via text message Maybe a phone call at night, but I wouldn't I wouldn't make it It doesn't have to be every single day. In fact, that can be overwhelming to make it every day I you know, I'll be candid with you I get exhausted partially because I'm on the phone all day long anyway. I'm stretching my back out So, um, you know, I wouldn't I wouldn't you know, maybe a check-in text message Maybe one in the evening. Maybe a phone call here or there. What's most important is your face-to-face time Do you have quality face-to-face time together? But Jonathan? I'm in a long-distance relationship All we have is the telephone. Yeah, you're pretty much fucked I'm sorry to say long-distance relationships barely ever ever ever ever ever work But Jonathan we talk all day long Yeah, I know because you're addicted to the to the talk and not you're not actually planning how to make it work by the way, that's my judgment just because Can can a long-distance relationship work? Sure. It can if you're intentional But think about it It takes hundreds and hundreds of hours to really get to know someone at a deeper level So just recognize that it can be problematic when it's when there's distance. It's hard enough when it's close Okay, so Tori Bay says how do I tell the difference? I'm too needy don't have enough self-love or do my boy or do my boyfriend And I have different preferences of how intimacy feels or how much time we should spend together You know, I'm gonna tell you all something you better fucking learn the C word the C word the communication word Start using your words ladies. I can't tell you how many of you do not use your words You do not use your words. All you do is you do this Start talking to one another start to find out What did it share what you want? Ask what he wants find some by the way When John Gottman wrote, okay, actually not this book This book The seven principles to making marriage work all of this is about Compromise and agreements compromise and agreements compromise and agreements folks. It requires using your words But Jonathan, I'm afraid to tell him because he might break up with me folks as I wrote in my book What the heck is self-love anyway chapter 1 speak your truth do it with kindness chapter 9 If it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person start using your words That's what grown-ups do Because you these questions you should be talking to him about if his penis gets to go inside your vagina on a regular Basis you have every right to talk about the relationship But Jonathan I'm told to just sit my feminine energy and let him claim me All you're sitting in your feminine energy is doing fucking nothing you have to use your empowered energy You have to lean into by the way, do you know a bitch a Bitch never settles. She sets her standard right from the get-go and the only reason why I'm yelling It's because many of you are like children. I'm trying to encourage you to become adults How to be an adult in relationship? By the way, this is a great book how to be an adult in a relationship And that's why I'm yelling at you because many of you act like children So Tori, I'm sorry about that. I know I kind of jumped on you. I please I know that seems harsh But it's time. You know like like Cher said in the movie moonstruck snap out of it Start using your words. By the way, can someone agree with me use your words? Say yes, I will use my words Jonathan Okay, thank you Mmm. All right, Satori Bay. Thank you so much for that one All right question Was with a spender fearful avoidant dysfunctional who I loved I gave him the I care about you But I care about myself more have lost him Thank you for sharing that Diana by the way, that's not a question, but thank you for sharing it Folks when you have a question actually leave a question. I can't read your minds Jean writes should I flatter a man to make him care more about me? You know what? It's not about You want to know where care comes from folks Here comes from when you appreciate someone and we it's it's not about Flattery by the way giving compliments is just a healthy thing, you know You're a great guy. You're you know saying you're a great guy is a compliment I you know you make me happy those are all compliments, but ultimately do you want to know what makes a great relationship happen? folks Social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in your personal and professional life intimacy both physical and emotional Intimacy that's what makes a happy relationship if you're not familiar with the book how to make love all the time by Barbara de Angelis I highly recommend reading this book so you can learn what it takes to make a half of a Relationship really fucking awesome and it starts by just doing shit together men fall in love With the women who are their best friends. That's plain and simple my mom and dad were married for What was it? 60 65 and 66 years before my mother passed away. It was 66 years They were best friends if you're not becoming I'm gonna tell you something ladies if It irks me how many times I I get calls from women who want to work with me They're in a relationship with a guy for two years. My first question is are you guys friends with each other? And but I'll hear things, but I love them Jonathan No, that wasn't my question. Are you friends with each other? But you know, I'm committed Jonathan, but are you friends with each other? But I love them that's and if you're not really good by the way all of my dear friends who are in a happy relationship There I have so many couples in a happy relationship and what I love about them is their best friends with each other They laugh and they by the way at the bottom the here's the thing What's the fucking point being a relationship if it's not fun? Laughter and play then it's just an arrangement If you're not and by the way, I'm not here look at Certainly we go through tough times when my son passed away if I was in relationship with someone that would have been a tough time We wouldn't have fun in play But that's what it's all about I mean it's it's about riding the waves with good and bad times But ultimately you're not always in bad time, so you should be having fun and playing it together Are you really good friends? That's my invitation for you Let's see if I actually answered your question because I go up on so it's not about flattering him It's about becoming good friends with each other. Oh while you're fucking of course Kim writes I had a guy who works on my bike I had a guy who works on my bicycle asked me to make him dinner and I said yes Then the conversation took a turn to the worst and said he didn't want me to make him dinner. I'm relieved Once again folks. This isn't a question. It's a statement Please don't do that to me if you're gonna write a question then actually write a question. I cannot read your mind ladies By the way, does anyone understand how look at this is another thing you women listen? I Want to say something? Men are fucking clueless. Okay. I get it. It's a pain in the ass out There because in many cases as I said earlier we men get them we get in the milk for free So there really doesn't require much on our part because there's so many low-hanging fruit women But that's an example. Don't say a statement and think that that's a question It drives us men fucking insane And As compassionate as I am it drives me nuts sometimes too Okay Anna writes my boyfriend talks a lot about his bitter divorce from X in which he lost everything How should I be responding with compassion? You go that sucks That really sucks That's all you have to say that sucks. It's all you have to say that sucks But if he goes on and on and on are you guys having fun? Are you playing together? Are you doing social activities hobbies mutual interest or is it just you get together and fuck? And then he complains What a great relationship that is Alright. Oh gosh. Hey, I want to thank Tara for the super sticker. Thank you so much Jade says I love Jonathan curses at the coolest times. Thank you. I Love the vomit worthy. I can't even remember what I said All right Personal question. Do you always go by Jonathan John Johnny Jono John Johnny? Jonathan sometimes my ex-girlfriend called me Johnny So but I go by Jonathan sometimes John my older friends call me John First my girlfriend really likes your show. I started watching to any advice for the guys watching way Paul Yay, we got a guy in the house Any advice for guys? Yeah Here's my advice to the men, you know, it used to be a provider protector Protecting from the tribe and and basically Hunting for food. That's what a provider protector was Today the protector is about being a woman's protector of her heart and what that means is your actions Consistently match your words. You have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness You know how to fight fair which means if you're having some friction or difficulty You listen to your partner's point of view and you accept your partner Their partner's point of view is being true for them You have a level of empathy and empathy just doesn't mean you can feel someone's feelings empathy means you genuinely Care about the other person's feelings and more importantly you care about your own feelings and lastly your transparent and Transparent simply means if it's material to the relationship you speak up you share what's going on my friend What's your name again? Paul if you can operate from your actions matching your words you have victor consciousness You know how to fight fair you have empathy and transparency your girlfriend is going to be so happy for you Read the books. I recommend go on journeys together. Go on retreats together do workshops together and Have lots of fucking sex together because what's the fucking point in being in a romantic relationship with your best friend? If you don't get the fuck on a regular basis, can I get an amen? Thank you so much Paul. I appreciate that All right, wow, we got a lot here. Oh, we got another super sticker from Mira Meg. Thank you so much Meg. I appreciate that Wow, okay, I'm gonna share this last one cuz Kimberly asked Just curious. What would your ideal perfect woman be like what qualities are you looking for? Well, I got it on my bulletin board We are both mutually adore one another we mutually respect one another We act with a level of emotional maturity we We're both givers in the relationship. We seek a level of rudeness in the relationship We have a fun and spot. We have fun and spontaneity within us We believe we're both we are both givers and team works in Relationship we both come from a level of depth and a desire to grow in a relationship We seek sexual intimacy romantic and passionate intimacy We are flexible and open-minded and we believe love and laughter leads to a fully committed relationship That's on my bulletin board right there I look at it every day along with the sign out in my front door that says being open and receptive to love So I invite you all to lean into your empowerment right now and say I Declare that I am in loving myself and everyone else I'm loving myself and everyone else and I lean into the power within myself to become a magnetic Attractor for who I am and what I want and I recognize that every single experience is happening for me and not to me and when I can When I can sit in victor consciousness and I become empowered within myself I become a magnetic attractor for what I want and in that I say amen All right, if you agree say amen All right, this would be a great place to wrap up today I know we have a lot of comments. I wasn't able to get to them all. Thank you so much We're gonna wrap up this oh by the way really quickly Share this if you've found value this with your friends like this video as well I really appreciate it so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms check out the link below to a discovery call with me Check out my group called midlife love mastery check out my Instagram page Check out my podcast if you want to connect with me in all those places and I'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic shot the mark of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Frank. Hey another guy Tarot Brenda Heather Heather's in the house grace Mistora raw Gloria Lily Christine Kimberley Sylvia Let's see MC Hawaiian girl everyone Paul everyone. Thank you so much corny cop. Thank you so much wishing you a fab Friday night Be well everyone take care Have a great evening and don't forget to purchase the super things You