 What if it's all a lie? The older I get, the more experiences I have. The less I believe in love. Not your general love that I believe is all around us. Our families, friends, animals, humanity. I mean that deep, soulful, fiery love. People say there's someone out there for everyone, but I just don't know if I believe that anymore. And for those of us who are lucky enough to find that person, how many of us lose it to the wrong time or location or circumstance? To emotional intelligence differences? To fear? As someone who gave her heart fully and with more heart, more maturity, more soul, and more love to each person, I think it finally broke me. And not in this sad, depressive, cry-my-eyes-out type of way, but in a way that I feel truly numb, emotionless, like tears don't even exist anymore. That spark, that desire, that hope, it's just completely blown out like a candle, gone, disappeared. And that didn't happen in one day or one moment or because of one person. It's the accumulation of years and years of giving your all, every single time. And not once, not once, receive it in return. It's not feeling like a victim, but the feeling of a numb defeat, of waving the white flag. It's the thought that maybe the thing you wanted most in life, that once in a lifetime connection, might not be in the cards for you, and learning how to accept that and to flourish anyway. Otherwise, settling, which I believe 90% of people do in some way or another, we get impatient, we give up, so we settle for what's in front of us. Because we're too tired to continue trying, too tired to start over. Or because we don't think it's possible for us at all. We think that that type of love is just for the books and just for the movies. And people wonder why so many people cheat, so many get divorced, or worse, stay in an unhappy relationship or marriage. It's because they too couldn't start over again, do it all again. Or perhaps it's not even my choice. Perhaps my soul longs for a connection that transcends human connection. Something far more captivating, magnetizing. A pull that can't be rested, a pull that can't be resisted, no matter how hard you try. A connection that most people don't get to experience, or maybe they just won't let themselves experience. And the only thing I can imagine that would be worse than never experiencing that in this lifetime, is settling for something far more average and mundane. It's not to say you can't love someone in this dry, average way, but it's not for me. So do I give up on love? Who knows? Maybe it's not my choice. Maybe for people like me, it's not giving 100% of our love to one person. That maybe it's too much love for any one person to handle. Maybe it's because they didn't receive love in the way they needed it the most. And so they keep their distance, cheat, or do anything to sabotage the relationship because this powerful love is so unfamiliar to them. Because being loved correctly is uncomfortable to them. Maybe for people like me, it's about spreading it to as many people as possible throughout our lifetime. For anyone out there who's alone this Valentine's Day, just know that you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you. Your day may or may not come, but the best thing that you can do is love you. Love you in every way that you desire somebody else to love you because you deserve it and I love you.