 Oh my gosh, we're going to talk about today about the guys who act interested, claim they're interested, but their actions seem to suggest otherwise, and this conversations and direct response to one of our members most recent quote about a man who she's been communicating with. I think the texting is a little awkward between the two of them. He did make a reference to get together with her on one day, and then he said he has to check with his father to see if they can babysit, and I don't know the exact age of the child. It could have been a child under 15 years old, and he just never responded. And there's this curiosity from our member about why this would happen, why would a man claim, act interested, and then his actions say otherwise. Well I think it's important to understand, and I know most of you members follow my YouTube channel where I talk about the three different types of men, three different types of men. There's the users, there's the spenders, and then there are the grower builders. Grower builders is one. Now the users of the men, they're in it for the short run. These are the love bombers. These are the players. These are the guys that are driven oftentimes by sex, or they're driven by their selfish needs without any genuine care for you. Those typically are short lived, and I'll talk about why that happens in a moment. Then there's the grower builders, the people like myself, who genuinely want to be in a fully committed relationship. They want to grow with someone in relationship and really build something. I say build is the idea is to build the deep roots of trust and the deep roots of care with one another to sustain a long term relationship. Then the vast majority of men are in this spender category. These are men who want companionship, they want connection, they want sex, but they have no real direction. Maybe there's uncertainty in their life. Maybe they're going through some chaos in their life. Maybe it's a divorce. Maybe there's a contentious sex. Maybe they've got health issues. These are the men that the ground underneath them doesn't feel very solid. This is where the vast majority of the population of both men and women like, by the way, when I said user, spenders, growers, or men, there are also women who are user, spenders, and growers. Since the vast majority of humans are in this category of the spender, it's because they want something, but there's a doubt. Maybe they doubt themselves. Maybe they doubt you. Maybe they're just not ready for a fully committed relationship, but they want that companionship connection and sex. This makes it very difficult because you have a greater chance of hitting that ... I'm just going to say the word jackpot, but that doesn't feel right to use the word jackpot. This would be that bucket, if you will. When I mentioned before with the users, the reality is, I've been a user before. I have been driven by lust. I've been driven by limerence. Limerence is extreme infatuation, and it's as if this chemical release in the body says, go after this person, and you've heard that men are hunters. Most of you are living in a fantasy that men are hunting a fully committed relationship. What men are hunters for besides buffalo, which that's what they hunted. The hunt, when you're driven by the chemical reaction, that biological reaction, is just to mate with that person. Not to be in a relationship with them, but just physically ejaculate in that person. I'm sorry, that's just a biological thing. It doesn't make us out to be bad. It just happens to be that sometimes the shark's eyes roll over and we are just driven that way, and I've been there myself. The minute that ejaculation happens, all of a sudden the chemicals get released in the body and you say, why don't I like this person anymore? I mean, really, I don't mean it like in a disingenuous way. It's like this confusing thing happens. With the users, the players have a different, those usually have some level of sociopath with them, meaning they genuinely only care for themselves and have no care for others. Between this user and spender category, which happens to be the most, it's going to be very difficult. His actions don't match his words. This is your time to speak up. This is your time to do what's called hardballing. Hardballing is calling people out on their crap and just say, look, this is really I've been talking a lot about the book, Why Men Love Bitches, and the reason why I talk about that book frequently is like, look, you don't put up with bad behavior. You simply say, look, your actions don't seem to match your words. You say something you act differently and that I don't have respect for people that do that. Literally, this is the script I want you to give me. I have no respect for people that do that, which means I'm beginning to disrespect you and I don't like that. If you want to continue with this, then I need your actions. I request, I never use the word need, I request your actions match your words. Otherwise, I'm going to put my energy towards someone who is more consistent with integrity. By the way, if you need to write that down, rewind this into it over again, because folks, I'm here to say, we can complain all about why men do things, OK? What really matters most is what are you going to do when this happens? Are you going to establish your standards? Are you going to establish your boundaries? Boundaries simply means what's OK and what's not OK for me. And since women have a propensity to give their power away to men, you literally put your relationship destiny on them no wonder. And we're going to fail you. It's just most likely going to happen because the likelihood of getting those growers and builders, and I know you all want those men, a big chunk of them are already in relationship and the ones who are single. It's difficult to find those people because the reality is such a small percentage of them are actively on the dating sites as an example to be seen. This is why when you're in that category, it's harder to meet those people because you're most likely, myself included, are going to meet the users and the spenders. They're not bad people. They're just oftentimes wounded in their lives from trauma or some other event in their life that makes it difficult for them to actually be in a space of caring for others. And these people can be toxic in some cases and I get it. So really what matters most is what are you going to do? What boundary are you going to set for yourself? Are you going to stand in your power and establish boundaries and set higher standards for yourself or are we going to, and I'm not suggesting this member did this, are we going to complain about men, okay? Because that does nothing. I was on the phone with a dear friend of mine last night. All she did was complain about men. I was physically exhausted after this conversation because she took no ownership on her part. So what ownership are you going to take in your life when someone's actions aren't consistent with their words? Are you going to call them out? That's my invitation for you. All right, I think you've got the gist of where I'm going with this today. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below and let's get a conversation going on this. If you find value in the group, please tell your friends about Midlife Love Mastery. Send them to my website, JonathanAsley.com. Have them click that group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group. And I'm going to sign up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use a lot more love in our lives right now. Wishing you a fantastic day. Bye-bye now.