 Welcome church family and welcome to our moments with Pastor David and Marie and again It's always good to have you both joining with us. So welcome. It's good to be here. Thank you So how you guys have been joining our time together? I mean, I know pastor our time together. You always love. Oh, it's the best You know and the church is enjoying this is an enjoying enjoying our time together hearing your hearts and Hearing you share about marriage and so it's been good. I mean, I've enjoyed this time Yeah, I like it. I'm pretty sure I'm speaking for both of us. We we enjoy it We enjoy getting together. It's something that when we do our marriage couples retreats and sometimes other things that we do We like to answer questions, it's I like the conversational aspect of that just to kind of share off the cuff impromptu Marie is especially gifted at that and and I enjoy I enjoy that very much. So, no, it's been a blessing for us It's been fun hearing your heart hearing you shed light on both Husband and the and I was gonna say the husband in the bride the victim in the bride And so but it's been great, you know church as we've been going through this We'll be starting a series on actually song of Solomon And so I'm interested to hear that and the teachings and your insight into marriage and how that builds into the relationship but you know, I do want to acknowledge those who who may be watching who are maybe not married or or single and Wondering how does this apply to me? How does this apply to us? I'm single or am I ever gonna get married? And so You know some of the questions I want to ask today for you both is What were some of the tools as Christians and and it would be for some of those who may be waiting on the Lord for For their companion or for their husband or for the wife. What were some of the tools that? You guys both used looking back in your marriage that would attribute to where your marriage is at today You know, I might have mentioned this I'm pretty sure I did earlier in one of the other conversations we had John But neither Marie nor I are are of the nature and feel that we have sure-fired methodologies Formulae for people to have a good relationship. I Suspect that when you read the Bible you see certain things within scripture that teaches us what we should be as Christians individually and I've always focused more on on those things and I'm not really a very good and Advising other people as it pertains to Using this particular methodology or whatever neither one of us are comfortable with that I Have found that in our our dating and marriage That the dating was only the prelude to a real life together because In dating you discover some things, but you don't discover that many things and so if you're not If you're not What's the word You're not really Preparing your own heart for for Marriage, I don't know that dating is going to be the answer anyway Sometimes I think people date and waste their time dating thinking that that person they're with is going to change or become different And and also I'm not real good neither Marie and I And I know I speak for us In this have ever been the type that think that We can advise people how to date what to do on dates and all of that. I don't do that but if a person's pursuing the Lord and Are grounded. I think that they will do those things that they see scripture teaches them in terms of personal relationships with loving and sacrificing in and All those courtesies and things you find in scripture and you learn how to apply Principles as it relates to conversing and correcting and and Morality within the confines of dating all of those things are in scripture So if somebody wants to be successful in their dating and into their marriage They need to first and foremost concentrate on their personal walk with Christ And if they're going to church and they're growing in the knowledge of the word and They're serving and doing those things that disciples do and you meet somebody who? Also does that you have a very good chance of having a very good marriage but if you kind of are still growing up and still learning how to How to walk with God and I'll don't don't expect to have some Extremely tight great dating into marriage relationship because if you're not growing When you get married it actually will go down and not up. Did you know that? I mean when you're dating you put on your best face most of the time, right? And and you show yourself to be what you potentially can be and sometimes You're not really those things that you're acting like you are and so the girl speaking from a man's perspective begins to think you're one way when in fact You're a hunter and she's the prey and you're simply acting out what you think she wants and Then the ring goes on the finger and the vows are made and then you go back to what you were so if a guy is dating and he wants to have a Good marriage he has to have a good walk with God first and foremost and the same would work with the woman if the woman Is walking with the Lord? She's not going to be seduced by some some guy who is a deceiver some guy who's pretending She'll pick it up because she'll see he doesn't serve She'll see that he doesn't go to church when she doesn't go that he doesn't worship when people are singing that he doesn't Want a fellowship after church or she'll pick up phoniness in the way that he acts and She'll say that's not what he's like when we're alone. She'll pick those things up if she's wise and if she's covering her Dating relationship with prayer and she's applying God's word and she begins to Consider her own walk and begins to say to herself. I was closer to God without this guy than I am now with him Well, those are the warning signs that she should be Heeding and he should do the same if you are not closer to the Lord as a result of being with this person And that's not a good person for you at least at this moment So you can make some changes and you can say, you know what baby? We need to get in the word together We need to pray together. We need to attend church together serve together. We need to make this into something that is real Or let it go downhill, you know, and then you end up in a relationship that that doesn't blossom. It's real simple to us That's kind of how we think Yeah, that's interesting, you know, even when I was thinking from our last our last meeting Our last time that we were together. I've been thinking about during the week Okay, what are some things that we're talking about what we're gonna talk about what really fascinated me about and what has been Hopefully you guys can share some light on this is you guys come from two different backgrounds Right, I think yeah, oh, yeah, absolutely but being able to come from those two backgrounds and Using the things that as you mentioned pastor being equipped in the word spending time in prayer Even if we're to speak to those who are maybe thinking about getting married or those who are engaged those differences I Guess I can say those differences don't make a difference when you're in the word, right? You know, again, I'm doing all the talking do you want to say something? Well, I I think sometimes people can Be in the word but not obey the word You know as well. I think for for one thing I think that for me My parents had a good marriage My mom was a quiet. She was a quiet woman, but strong. She was strong at the same time. I And She was she was a good. She was a good wife. I Had that you know, that was a I had that I had that In my you know, she you know to follow after my mom was very very good a good wife and a good woman And and she was a cook, you know, she she still is she still So I have to and my dad was a good man he worked So Marie you're able to glean from these things that you saw in your home as parents To really influence and to guide you in your marriage with pastor David And pastor with you would would you use your parents as a model or the way they Already differences that Because what I'm trying to point out here is is has there been a contrast between The way that you both grew up and in terms when you guys started Dating and new or not dating what that you guys were going to get married. How were you able to? Either bring those differences together or Put those differences aside and say, okay, we're gonna focus on the Lord What were those differences like, you know, sometimes when When you're determining who you want to be with There are positive things that you got from your family from your upbringing that That you expect to be part of your relationship And then there are the things that you would never want to have as part of your relationship things that you saw that you would never want to have as part of what makes you and Your wife a married couple and so that's just the way life is John As you know, you saw good things in your dad mom that you said those things are natural good They bless my heart and you saw other things that you said, well, that won't be part of what I want to be You may not have said that Openly you didn't say it. You just knew that when you met the girl or when the young woman met the guy you just you just knew that this person was different then You know different in the good way then then What other girls may have been in your life that you you realize Would never have been something that builds you up and so with Marie You know, Marie has a lot of personality traits that My mom had you know, my mom my mom was friendly my mom had a silly sense of humor My mama loved and devoted herself to her husband. My mom Loved her kids, you know, she was a non-believer my mom dealt with with illnesses and and medications that sometimes when before she got saved when she on occasion would drink something that the meds would work with the medications with the alcohol in such a way that she'd become angry and abusive and and all but that was on occasion not always and so when I met Marie I Saw the good things that my mom that my mom had my Marie Had a sweetness about her. My mom could have Marie was very warm and my mom could be Marie is very hospitable, you know, very welcoming Very oriented towards serving and wanting to make sure you're comfortable She had those kinds of things even when she and I got married because she never had cooked a meal for somebody in her life Until she and I got married. I'm the first person who ever was the guinea pig for her food You know, she's an excellent cook and I love her cooking She learned to cook by talking to grandma and her mom and even my mom on occasion We kind of help, you know, that's what older women used to do is to help the younger women to be a housewife that we Paul told Titus For the older women who train the young women to how to love their husband and how to care for the home Well, that's that was traditional and so that's part of Marie and so there were things about her I'll give an example that that are that there were part of my upbringing is to this day Even just yesterday and she doesn't she won't even know this So I'll say it even just yesterday. She makes our dinner for me and even though it's just Marie and me in the house She still stands by the stove. She still does even yesterday, you know, she made my meal for me She's she's caring for her husband and I'm sitting on eating and she's standing up There's no reason to do that, you know, and but that was my mom Yeah, yeah, that was my mom. Yeah, so there are things like that that that I saw that were good And then there are things that reads not like my mom was that I also saw that was good my mom was quicker to to argue who her point or to She could get angry very easily at times and Marie If we ever which we don't but if I ever want to argue I have to start the fight I have to You know, she won't she doesn't she doesn't do that. She just doesn't never has John She is easy-going that doesn't mean that she doesn't have a strong will and doesn't mean that she doesn't have her opinions She just has learned over time that there's a proper moment that she can share with me in our relationship she's learned my timetable and When it's when it's the best time to say what she has on her mind and she's chosen to do that for for many years now So we don't we don't you know, we're just talking about this the other day We really we don't we don't really argue and fight, you know There are times when we don't agree with each other. Thank God for that But we it's not so big an issue that it makes a problem for us, you know, because I'm kind of easy-going in 99% of the time, you know, and so she's very easy-going and so it just worked and so I Guess I guess to briefly summarize all of that is Both of us and I think you just said this You know, we didn't have perfect parents, but we had committed parents Marie Marie's mama and dad, you know, I loved her dad. Yeah, I loved her dad and I love her mama and Marie loved my dad and put up with my mom no, she loved my mom and That made that made the big difference and it still does Listen a Christian marriage is just two Christians living for Christ. That's what it is And you know, you can buy your men are from Mars and women from Venus or whatever those books You can buy all the ones you want to buy and and and and you know men like this and women like that And I think there are general truths and all of that You know, but when it comes down to it, you know, you make a decision and that's what we did And we knew that we're moving in in this direction Very early in in our in our dating relationship. I I didn't have a romantic love for Marie. You know, um I didn't have that what I had with Marie Marie that became our foundation john Is I had an affection and a friendship for her That made me want to be with her all the time That's that's how it was It wasn't that I had this this desire for her as a woman As much as I had a desire for her as a person um And that's what I've always had for her and I I didn't really ever have that sense of Of a real fact that I've I've got a very beautiful wife. I never thought of it that way. She doesn't feel that way but she is she's a beautiful woman and I I just never saw that that's not what attracted me But attracted me to Marie was her heart Was her kindness or gentleness or You know her she made me feel like a like a hero and a superstar and she always has you know and And my ego just gets you know flattered by her and uh, it's just that's just you know When when you have somebody who who treats you And looks at you the way this girl has always looked at me It challenges you I've said this already, but I want to be worthy of this person's admiration. I I don't want to be um Someone disappointing her I don't want to disappoint her And I live up to her expectations. I try to And I think that's been really an important thing in our relationship You know when I look at it from uh From a biblical standpoint I I You know a lot of people look at your both your marriage as a as a model because of Of where you guys are at now the way you both love one another and love the lord And pastors mentioned many times how Marie just makes you a better person You know and uh, and I think about when like when Nehemiah was they were rebuilding the wall And uh, and I've been thinking about this as we've been preparing for this week How one time and and we still do this in our marriages how in one hand they had a A tool a trial to compete to complete the wall And on the other hand they had a weapon to safeguard their Safeguard their work and I started thinking about that in the context of marriage How we must do the do the same thing You know pastor you mentioned just a few moments ago that Your attraction to Marie was as a person instead of as a woman And do you think it can be dangerous if men have that mentality? I'm just going to love her because she's a woman and and we mentioned the the conqueror thing earlier Where it just becomes more of a a physical thing No god created, uh man to I guess with eyes, you know, he he didn't make us blind You know, he created us with eyes and When god brought eve to adam And he saw her He said oh, you know that in the original language, it's he breaks into into song and You know, this is oh finally it's an oh finally expression like someone like me And I I can't help but believe in some could disagree and i'm fine with that of course, but To see her for the first time Just there was a visual Kind of snapping to consciousness You know and I I think that Part of and it's a natural thing and a good thing is to be attracted There's you know, you're attracted to your girl And I was attracted to mine But the the the more important thing Is to be attracted to something that that lasts, you know, um You know, we're told that beauty beauty is is something that That on the physical outside is is a temporary reality But but a heart But the heart It is something that grows and it becomes even more beautiful And and and you know this and I do too, you know, I get you know, I'm sentimental I'm you know, everybody knows that about me. I pretend I'm not to myself But everybody knows that I have a sentimentality about me and Mr So Marie Marie can tell you this my my daughter-in-law the other day Mike harina Um said I want you to see something She goes I think you might laugh at it, but I don't know because she's still learning me And so remember she showed us a picture of that old couple She shows me a picture of an old couple. I forget the exact Picture itself. I don't want to do dishonor to to To The picture that she showed me, but it was an older couple and it's an older man showing affection to his his wife And I tear it off thinking of it That's us That's us You know you When you when you think that at one time She and I could run together We played racket ball together and We were I was athletic, you know and marie's too And we would walk and run and we would we were In you know young, you know, but we're not anymore, but I'm happier now Then I've ever been Because I don't need to do those things anymore. Not that they're not good and I wish I could sometimes John there there are things that that I tell marie that about us That I think are the the things I've learned and we've learned I speak for us because Because I know we've talked about these. I'm just exposing what we talk about to you right now But we are you know for me I get sentimental forgive me I I have to be with her I have to This makes me whole This makes me whole I don't forgive the emotion. I didn't expect it. I'm serious. It just comes out because I'm opening my heart but I'm happiest When she's around me always I've had friends who hey, let's go you want to do this or he He doesn't go because his wife and they'll say that to me But they don't realize that My place of comfort and peace You know outside of my obvious walk with god and my ministry or that's where I get my peace But my happiness is really being on a couch Looking over towards my girl And knowing that she's with me That that's when I'm at most peace john is When I'm with her holding on to her that's a fact That's a fact. I don't need anything else. I really don't I don't need anything else. I have what I need And so I think that's biblical. I feel You know when adam said finally flesh of my flesh bone of my bones. She shall be called woman For she's been taken out of man Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh That's what's happened to us Was it easy? No. Was it was it immediate in god's way of seeing things? Yes, you know, there is the there is the now He sees it as already But there was a process Where she and I had to learn each other. It's true. We came from similar backgrounds, but different backgrounds at the same time. So Yeah, I really had to I you know for for example, I When we were dating I invited my two roommates to go to the show with us you know and And I when they showed up he wasn't too happy You know and I didn't ask him. I mean, you know, I was to me. I was always the more the merrier You know, so hey, you want to come? Hey, you want to come to that kind of thing? I had to really learn that You know at times when he doesn't want anybody. It's just him and me You know together and I I've done a pretty good job of that. Yeah, I've finally learned it Yes, I'm dying I mean, but those are the things you don't you you find out about each other and I did quickly quickly found out about that one But um, yeah, and I I probably could have invited a lot of people over the house too Well, we did actually in the early years especially because we ministered a lot to to the younger younger Christians in our fellowship It was a it was a young adults Yeah, young adults and it was it was actually a very a joy of our hearts and we were blessed. I'm blessed by by being Being able to to minister and to be with them and you know and bring them into the home as well Marie when pastor just sharing in Genesis about the cleaving together from a woman's perspective How would you Share that to maybe somebody who's going to get married or somebody who's thinking about getting married From your point of view of what cleaving means to your husband Well, I think first of all when you get married. I think that you have to remember that He's the one you're to minister to first and foremost. I think sometimes you can You can bring other people into your family, you know without Asking him if they can come over or whatever and You know, I think those kind of things show who you know He if if he wants somebody to come over that's fine. But if they if he rather just sit there with you and just you and him Fellowship with one another, but he's a man should always be first And I would serve my husband first too. They should be served first And and I I think you should never Be Rude to your husband I think there comes a time maybe, you know, you know, if you have a problem With your husband, then maybe you gotta seek counsel or or discuss it between you Before you seek counsel and work those things out. I think we all kind of disagree We all have differences and we come from different families. So there's It's like iron sharpening iron and I think that's the thing that It comes with time too The more you spend time together with your husband, the more you know him And then you you know the desires of his heart And I think it's easier to minister in that manner to to your husband. You you need to As well study your husband nobody likes and what he doesn't and Encourage them a woman needs to be an encouragement encouragement of the man Not tearing him down even you know because They have a lot of stresses. They're the workers that go home. They leave the home and go to work and and maybe some of the wives do too but Even so we need to encourage our husbands and thanks them for For putting food on the table. Thank them that we're together. Thank them for the children We have together and You know it it is a time in my life where I'm really enjoying This time, you know as we're older, you know, it's just I feel more relaxed, you know, and That's because we're on tranquilizer No, it's just because that is not the true at all. You know, it's just We can just sit here, you know alone and you know, maybe watch something A good movie or something and just enjoy Enjoy our time, you know and the peacefulness of it, you know But it does take work, you know, I'm not a perfect woman. I've never been and never will be but But you know to but women ought to encourage their husbands and and the things of the lord And I don't and when I say the things of the lord, I I'm not necessarily saying you got to um, you may be living with a non-believer and keep And keep telling him things about having to go to church you need to go to church You need to put him and get him and put him in your prayers Begin with prayer if you're having a you know, if you've married a non-believer Pray for his salvation pray that we come to the lord and be the kind of wife Show him how much you love and then appreciate him what he does it comes home From work and and feeds the family I think if you show him that you're grateful He's gonna want to be with you and and and and you may be able to win him over to the lord through those some of those Things like you know, just in and encouraging him Um verbally, you know, every man needs to be encouraged, you know, this is my man Nobody can have him You know, I mean, but every every every man needs to be encouraged You know, even if a woman says well, I don't know how what I can encourage him for or there's nothing to encourage him Find something you can find something And encourage him but they need to know that you're behind them and that you love them And this is forever Because when the kids are gone It's only you and him Finally We've got quite a few grand babies now. How many grand babies do you guys have now? Nine right? Is it nine? I think we have uh 11 all together. Oh my oops You know to have been grafted in and nine have been born to us. Yeah It's cool seeing them come around here and visit you guys the love you guys have for them You know pastor, uh And our last message you we were uh You were teaching our last message and obviously we're staff comes and watches the uh is attendance for pastors teachings and uh I know sometimes when you're teach I picked up on something you did and it really gave me some insight on How much you're attentive to marie? and so you're around the pulpit and uh Marie came in and right away I saw you When you saw her and that spoke to me that really spoke to me because the way you see people come in and out all the time Right? They're getting up during my service and stuff this time This time you locked in and I saw that and I saw you I saw you and it and it really spoke to me to see that When we're in israel, I would watch and you always knew where marie was at Yeah, and uh and pastor always tell me Uh, you'd go with some of the girls and watch marie's gonna look for me and sure enough You look from and you'd you you would spot them quick And I watch those things and and those are things again that I enjoy seeing because it it speaks those actions speak louder than words and it gives me a little glimpse of the the trial in one hand Building and building your marriage and the sword in the other protecting it. My father my father was a one woman man which to me was an unbelievable example and I was with my dad when I was Probably in my early early teens my dad and he had a friend and his friend And my dad and I went to the store together went drove to the store And I'll never forget this john how As we were driving my My dad's friend turned to my dad and spoke to him now my father um I'd say my father was a handsome handsome man my my father had My father was a handsome man and um My my dad's friend turned to him and I'm sitting in the back seat and he Said something to my dad about some good-looking woman. I guess in a car next to us And he said he said frank, you know Check her out. That's how he spoke, you know His name was big lu He was like five foot four, so we called him big lu So big lu and big lu and so big lu goes hey frank like that. He's he's from the streets from a long time ago Check her out My dad turns to him and says Louis My son's with me I'll never forget that my son's with me and um That my dad just by telling his friend shut up. I don't want to look at this woman Those are the little things in my dad That I learned as a as a boy that my dad didn't look at other women My dad's especially aware of where he's at and his son's in the car and he's going to be a good example That was my dad See, so I grew up with that I grew up with with a man who You know, my dad took an early retirement because my mother was crippled my mom had such physical melodies Lupus and on things You know that was she was in pain so So bad for so long my dad took an early retirement to care for her and He'd never complained. Did you ever hear my dad? My dad never complained About his lot in life how he had a sick wife from the time my mom was 24 years old She was sick all his married life until my father died at 74 and um Just to show you one more thing about him and what I learned from him My mama said to me when dad was in the hospital when he died he was he was on his deathbed and My mama said to me they won't let me go into the room with your dad We're at the hospital and I said Really why? Because my dad had had a heart attack She said because the minute I step in the room his heart starts beating too fast And they said it's not good for his heart just walking in the room. That's how I am Just walking in the room Her heart just beats so she literally is my heartbeat She literally like my dad My mama was my dad's heartbeat John To the end That's what you see God put that love in my heart God did But I had a good example with my father And I've tried with my boys To be a good example of a man who loves his wife I have and I would think that they could both say That my dad's been a good example The way my dad was to me And I think that's part of being a husband is Is to love That woman and and somebody once said do your children a favor love their mother You know because my boys watched and they saw a faithful man A man who worked long hours a man who Lived as a man. They they've seen that in me The way I saw that in my dad The way I saw that my dad was 65 when he retired He wouldn't have he would have kept working He would get up at three in the morning every day Monday through Friday three in the morning He'd go to work. He'd come home at three in the afternoon A long day for a man his age and he was you know, he was tired And he'd come home and take care of a woman who needed his care And he did that He did that until he couldn't do it anymore john and then he went home to be with jesus So I learned that And I would like to say that's That's the man that I Our lives have been very blessed I knew what I needed And instead he gave her me That's you're so bad You're so bad Well, you guys I want to thank you guys that that was a I thought a powerful time sharing Here in your heart You can't script that actually in my little prop notes. It says cry right here Let it flow Thank you guys so much that was so encouraging to hear and for those who've been watching I I hope you enjoy our time together and is there anything you guys like to say to our church I'd like to say how much we love and miss our church. Yes, and we are praying every day That we'll be able to reconvene to assemble once again But until that moment Marie and I Come on on sundays the church doesn't know this some found out Uh now we're letting them know but yeah, we come out on sunday. I'm their second service And we are there a second service and And just love to see them when they drive by so I can say hi to them, you know and Tell them how much we love them and miss them and And I'll I'll be there on sunday and I'll be there. I'm there every sunday. Marie and I are there every sunday Second service, especially sometimes we've been there first but second service And if anybody wants to come and say hi to us We miss them and we would love we would love to see them and and god knows that It isn't too long from now that we're going to be able to come back on a sunday morning a wednesday and We're going to be able to celebrate in our our first sunday together again. We're going to do our Easter service You know a resurrection service And it's going to be a lot of worship and praise and joy and tears and And all of that so until that moment, you know, it'd be a blessing if they came to say hi to us On sunday and if not We are praying for for our church and I know that many are praying for us And so Marie and I you know We together we we we love our church. We may not know every single person and we don't And I don't know that it's possible this side of heaven But we do love Our people very much and I think Many know that so we miss them And uh look forward to seeing them again. Can't wait can't wait to see you guys We love you Thank you guys and uh join us again next week for moments with pastor david and marie Uh on behalf of our our time together I love you guys miss you and look forward to having you joining with you guys soon. God bless you guys