 Welcome everyone to the Being Human podcast. This is Scott St. Marie here. Thanks a lot for joining. This can be such a source of discontent, of unhappiness, of rumination, of really putting yourself down and igniting that inner critic. Because the audience for this channel, we have a lot of tools within us and I think a lot of us strive and we really try hard to be better. So it's not necessarily that you need to try harder because I think I know a lot of you and I've heard from a lot of you, not just in the comments but emails and people who've joined Patreon and things like that. And as I've mentioned before, if being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now. You know what I'm saying? So you think you don't have life figured out and it's causing you some stress. It's causing you some anxiousness. It's causing you maybe to feel a little ungrounded, a little unsure, like you're in empty space. Can we unpack this together for a little bit? Would that be all right? Let's unpack it. Because I know you've said this to yourself before because I have because every single human being has. I just don't got it together. I just don't have this whole thing figured out. Who does? Name me. Can you do me a favor? Name me one person that you know in your mind that has it all figured out. They've got the job maybe, they've got the family, the success, they've got the money, they have their own purpose, they have faith, whatever it is. Who has it 100% figured out? Maybe you came up with a name. Have you ever sat down with that person and been honest and said, well, how you doing? If they offered you any humility and grace, they'd probably be like, well, I got some things figured out. I know what I'm doing some of the time, but there's other things I'm guessing at. There's other things I'm not sure what's going to happen. There's other parts where I'm totally uncertain, the unknowns right there, and I'm just doing my best. I'm just seeing what happens here in this part. In my experience, what happens when I feel like I don't have things figured out? It's one or two things in my life that maybe aren't going well, that maybe I don't have things decided, that maybe I'm unsure about the outcome of certain things. And I take those and it creates a whole umbrella over me in a cloud that's like, Scott has nothing figured out. And it's this whatever accent that was. Scott has nothing figured out. And it's dark umbrella. And I'm like, but it was just a few things I'm not certain of. But now my whole life is just, nope, nothing's going well. You got nothing figured out. Absolutely nothing. So what is figuring out actually me? When do you use those words? Let's unpack this whole thing. I got time. Do you have some time? Let's unpack it together. What are you in a rush for? If you're like looking to escape this podcast, cool, cool, cool, but what are you in a rush for to figure something else out to look for a different solution to figure out the thing that you're challenged with? Let's break this apart because this is probably, these are two words that you've probably used a lot figured out. I got to figure it out. They have it figured out. She has it all figured out. He has it really figured out here. We use it usually when we're trying to solve a problem. We're confronted with like a challenge. And I got to figure this thing out. I got to figure this out. And then when we do, oh my gosh, I figured it out x equals 3.7. Sorry to bring up some traumatic memories from high school algebra. Remember how dumb that was? Oh my gosh. Instead of learning useful things, we're solving for x for 70 minutes a day. Let's change the curriculum world. Why? Okay. Anyways, you had it figured out. And to be honest, it felt good when you figured out that equation though. It felt good. Or oh my gosh, I figured it out. We're redoing the kitchen. The stove is going to go on the east wall because that's where the gas hookup is. Okay. Cool. Oh, I figured it out. If I take the 511 bus, it's going to go to the subway. And then I'll be right at the dentist's office. Oh, I figured it out. If I put on the loose pants when I jog, it's not going to chafe against the thighs. And I'm not going to get blisters in the groin. These are challenges that we face, small or big. And when we figure stuff out, it feels kind of good. Okay. The figuring out isn't a one stop shop where you're finally going to get it and then you're going to arrive forever. The arrival doesn't happen. It does in little moments, moment to moment when we're present. You arrive here, right? You arrive in the moment. Any spiritual guru or meditation teacher, right? It's like, let's come on back and arrive in your seat right now. Where did you go? Your head was out in space, comparing, ruminating, thinking about the future, the past. Arrive back here. Figuring out is the arrival as time goes on. It's not figuring out the ultimate purpose, the ultimate thing. Even if you haven't figured out what you want to do with your life, how many of you have thought about that? What am I going to do with my life? Well, what a stupid question. No offense. I'm talking to myself there too. That's not a useful question at all. First of all, when we talk about figuring life out, a lot of people usually equate that to what am I going to do for work? And let me just tell you, work cannot fulfill every human need, every human desire. Not a chance. It doesn't matter how much you love your work. It's not going to complete or fulfill anything, and it shouldn't. So what am I going to do and figure out what to do for work? That's one part of your life. It's a one part. I do presentations to high school students. These kids are racking their brains figuring out, do I go to college, trade school, university? I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I got to figure this out in six months because I got to apply for my future. I got to apply for what I'm going to do the next 60 years. The figuring out comes in stages, phases where we're hit with challenges, and we just need to figure out one thing at a time, maybe two, maybe three. Sometimes it comes at us in waves. Sometimes it's just bite-side. The thing we need to be gentle with here is not to put pressure on yourself, to have to have all of the answers. Nobody has all of the answers. The closest answer I've been able to come up with about this whole thing is, how can I be with the unknown a little easier? A little gentler? How can I be with the unknown with a little more kindness? Sometimes that's the answer for me, is be compassionate with the unknowing, with the uncertainty. Because there's no way we can know everything. There's no way we can figure out everything all at once. It's by living. It's just by going through day to day that you begin to figure things out as you experience more. That's all it is. It's not an equation that you can do. X equals this, I figured it out. That's in the classroom that's on the chalkboard. That's not in life. And sometimes I wish it was. I wish I could just solve an equation and the thoughts would be done. The ruminating would be done. Life would be easier. I know, I wish that sometimes for sure. That's not the way it goes. Unfortunately, unfortunately. Sometimes we just have to sit with ourselves and realize, oh my gosh, am I ever comparing to other people? Thinking they have it all figured out. But I know nothing about them. Think about it. Think about how we keep score, right? Comparising sometimes is just how we keep score in life, right? Like, they're doing this. I'm doing this. Oh, it looks like they're here. I'm down here. I'm up here. They're down there. The mind loves to compare. But what a terrible game to play. Sure, you can keep score, but what an unfair advantage for them. Whoa, you know nothing about their game plan, nothing about their thoughts, very little about their life. What happens outside of work, outside of the personals, you know, nothing about what's going on, even to your best friend. We can only come so closest to relate. So by you keeping score and you comparing to other people, what an unfair game to yourself? What an unfair game? Nobody has it figured out. Nobody does. I'm telling you, the more people you meet, from the presentations I've done all around North America, from the virtual ones to the in-person ones to talking to kids, to high school students, to university students, to CEOs, corporations, people my age, workers, in tech, and in finance, and in the arts, it actually brings me peace to know that we're all just doing things a little sporadically, doing the best we can with the tools that we have at this moment. You can't beat yourself up. You can't. This brings me actually to something that I really want to talk about here. That's actually been helpful to me in these times of not being able to figure things out. Because sometimes I don't have it figured out. A lot of us, a lot of the doers on this channel are like, well, I better come up with a game plan. Instagram told me I need some rules for life here, so I better order my life, my morning routine, matcha latte, exercise at 6am, gratitude journals, yoga for three hours, then I'll do the work, then I'll have coffee after I wake up, get some sunlight. Oh, I heard that's good for the dopamine levels. I heard that's good for serotonin. Oh my goodness, we're driving ourselves into more rumination to be so strict with routine in our schedules and what is good for us and it puts us in the absolute center. And when we are the center, we overthink. When we are the absolute center of the universe, what's anxiety other than that? I've used this app called Aura. Oh my gosh. And it's the sponsor for this video, Amazing Meditation app. Amazing Meditation app. I was using it the other day. Okay. Over 7 million people have used this app. You should see the reviews on the Apple store. Go check it out and I'm giving you a personal review. They're so kind to have given me access to this app to try it out a few months back. I use it for sleep. I know a lot of you use the meditation apps for sleep. You have to try some of these. There's CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques on here. There's breath work exercises. There's four minute gratitude practices. There's coaches on here. It's like your Apple Music or Spotify, but for meditation. And sometimes when I... I'm going to say the word can't. When I can't sit and practice meditation on my own, I need somebody else to carry me straight up. I need another voice to carry me through that. I can't focus on my own. Sometimes I can't focus on the breath. I need somebody else to instruct, to lead me through and to guide me. That's why I use the Aura app. What you can do is today, you can try it for free. You can try it for free. The links in the description, the first 500 people actually get a discount of 25%. It's only five bucks a month after your free trial for thousands and thousands of meditations from amazing people all over the world. I can't recommend it more. Please, please, please take advantage. The links in the comment as well, the first comment as you scroll down. And then it's in the description. Please give it a try. And I just like to thank Aura for sponsoring this video. It means a lot because when we're after the sense, listen here, this is the most important part of the podcast now, because it finally just came to me. There's a lot of babbling and I hope it's maybe calm you down a bit because I don't have it all figured out, man. I don't. You think I got it figured out? Life figured out? I'm doing a podcast in Toronto. I speak to people about mental health mindfulness. I get the imposter syndrome. Who am I to speak about this stuff? I still deal with depression and anxiety. Oh my. Now I'm doing my masters of science and neuroscience. I don't know where it's going to lead me. I don't have, I don't have the outcome. And when we think we needed to have it all figured out, we're always looking for the outcome. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, sit down, sit down for a second and listen closely when you're trying to figure stuff out. You're focusing on what it will give you in the future because if I haven't figured out now, my future's secure and when my future's secure, I can finally be present and be at peace. So what you're really looking for is a sense of peace when you think about, I got to figure it out. To get that sense of peace, my friends, I promise you, you don't have to have it all figured out. You don't because nobody does and peace is still possible with the unknown. The future is always unknown to a degree. Of course it is. Who predicted what would happen in 2020? Did you predict I would just say this word? Chicken fingers. You had no idea that was coming. Okay. So we're always dealing with a little bit of unknown unpredictability in the future. The whole point here is to sit and to realize I'm going to put together what I can with what's challenging me, what's unsettling me, what maybe I can figure out and solve, figure out in the moment. But then it's kind of like, let it be. Let it go a little bit. Let the stream carry you for a while just like I let a voice carry me through meditation. Let the wind carry you for a little while. Let a stream carry you for a little while. Be a little bit on the stream. Be a leaf. Let it take you a bit. We've been trying to fight against the current for so long and that's where a lot of depression and anxiety can come from the feelings that I need to be in control. I need to be in control. I get to choose the pace. I get to choose the pace. What would happen? Just let it come. If you just let the stream carry you for a little bit and see what happens. And see what happens. So I'm taking my master's degree, right? I'm paying all this money to study and I love what I'm studying and I'm going to be so happy to be sharing what I'm learning about mental illness, mental health, the biological mechanisms, the psychological mechanisms that are happening and give you even more tips absolutely free on this beautiful platform. I can't wait. But as far as what that will do for me in two years from now when I get that degree, I don't know. Can you just let the moment be enough for you right now? In this moment right now when you're listening to this wherever you are, if you're looking at me, if you're listening on your headphones on the podcast, if you're sitting down in this very moment where you are right now, what needs to be figured out? Now I see you got your mind going again. No, no, no. In this moment where your feet are on the floor, when you're sitting down listening to my voice right now, look at me in the eyes and tell me I'll take off my glasses. Now I look weird. Look at my eyes right here. What needs to change in this very moment right now for you to be at peace? No, right now. Not after the podcast is done, and then you need to do all these to-dos right now with maybe your hands on the steering wheel in the car, maybe your hand on the spatula cooking dinner while you listen and watch, maybe your butt on the nice couch, maybe your socks on the ground, maybe you got your bare foot on your dirty shag rug or shag carpet. What needs to change? There you go. There you go. Be easy with yourself, my friend. You don't need it all figured out. You really don't. I don't. Nobody does. Join the party. Join the club of us. Just taking one step at a time and seeing how it goes. Ease the pressure on yourself. And when we ease the pressure, what's pressure? Pressure is the limited space we give ourselves, right? We got a sponge, all the holes and stuff. What happens when you push down SpongeBob? I can't do a SpongeBob voice. Squished, but oh, when we relieve the pressure, SpongeBob can be its wacky cool self. Take off the pressure. Give yourself some space, my friend. You don't need to have it all figured out. One step at a time. I'll tell you one step at a time. Breathe. Be here. Do the best you can. You want to repeat that with me? I'm going to breathe. I'm going to do the best I can. And that's enough. Oh, say it one more time. I'm going to breathe. I'm going to do the best I can. And that's going to be enough. One more time, though you didn't believe it, but you're just going to breathe. I'm going to do the best I can and that's going to be enough. One more, I'm going to breathe. I'm going to do the best I can. And that's going to be enough. I hope to see you very soon. Thanks for listening all the way through. You got this, my friend. Figured it out? Psssh. I hope you don't. If you got it figured out, man, that'd be boring. I wouldn't even want to talk to you if you had it all figured out. That's boring stuff. That's boring. Keep yourself guessing a little bit. Stay on your toes, but not so much, where you're peeking over everything and too caught up in the future. Ground yourself, chill out a little bit, man. I'll see y'all soon. Take care.