 Ladies, ladies, Tony Gaskins here. This is the Mrs. Right workbook, hand guide, whatever you wanna call it. I put this together. I wanted to do this because I wanted, if you missed the seminar, I want you to be able to partake in Mrs. Right. If you haven't read the book and your style is not reading, you'd rather listen than this is for you, please excuse my audio issues, whatever pops up just because this is technology. I have a microphone, but I'm not using them, recording from the computer. So that is why this was inexpensive. One hour of coaching is $150. So I'm gonna give you a strong hour, but for a lot less. And if you listen and if you take notes, listen back to it two or three or four times, how many other times you need to listen to it. And I guarantee you this will help you in your relationship. Trust me, Mrs. Right, the guide to becoming a better you. First, what you have to realize is you have to heal before you deal. Heal before you deal. We have this issue because we have so many people that are in our world. It might be including you. It once was including me. But what we do is we go from our last relationship to our next relationship and we punish our next for the mistakes of our ex. We bring those insecurities, we bring that pain, we bring that hurt, we bring all of those wounds that we got in our last relationship. We bring it into a new relationship and we expect the new person to be able to handle that baggage. We go into the relationship and we expect them to unpack our baggage for us. We expect them to know how to heal our heart before they can have our heart. And that is what's, that's one of the biggest mistakes in relationships today. So I was coaching a client and she was talking about her boyfriend that she's dealing with and how she'll tell me something that he said and then she'll tell me her response. And her response, more often than not, is always over the top. It's always just lashing out because she's super sensitive because she's hurt because of a long-term relationship she was in that she was verbally abused and controlled and mistreated. So now she has a good man that's doing a right. But instead of appreciating that, she's taking out the pain, lashing out on him what her ex did. So what I need you to do is I need you to evaluate your past. Look at your past. It might not even be from your ex. It might be from your mother. It might be from your father. It may be the way your father loved you and that could be good or bad. That's what we confuse that your father could have overloved you and put on this Superman cape and just been amazing. And now you're holding this man, any man that comes into your life to the standard of your father when the dynamic between you and a boyfriend, you and a husband is totally different between the dynamic of you and your father. See, your father wasn't trying to make love to you. Your father wasn't trying to be your husband. He was trying to be your father. You have to realize that a father and a husband are two different things. And I say that for those of you who had a good father, realize that it's different and realize that you aren't your mother. So you don't really know what she had to deal with when the bedroom door was closed. You may feel like your father was perfect, but if your mother was 100% honest, she may have a different side for you that will change the way you see some things. Now, if you just so happen to have Jesus walking on earth in the form of your father, more power to you, but realize that not every man will be perfect or even close to perfect. But here's the thing, as long as if he's not cursing you out, hitting on you, yelling at you, screaming at you, disrespecting you, asking you to compromise yourself or if in your self respect, then he's not being a bad man. Understand that he might not be perfect. He might not articulate the way you want him to articulate, but that's just because he lacks the skills to, that doesn't make him a bad man. Now, ladies, if you didn't have a father or your father was in the home, but pretty much absent, you have to evaluate how that affects you in your relationships. Are you looking for a husband or are you looking for a dad? That's a question you have to ask yourself. Am I looking for a husband or am I looking for a dad? And make sure that you're not putting up with a bunch of junk from a man because you just have to have a man around. Make sure that you are not being abused verbally, emotionally, physically, just because you just have to have a man around. Please understand that. The next thing I want you to do is get new knowledge. In order to heal, you have to get new knowledge. What that means is you need to understand what happened to you, what you went through, how it happened, why it happened, and what you can do moving forward. Now, a lot of times that may be a combination of hiring a therapist and hiring a life coach. A therapist helps you cope and deal with the past. A life coach helps you understand the present and move forward to the future. A life coach helps you turn your pain into your purpose whereas a therapist will help you understand clinically why he did you the way he did you and why you accepted what you accepted and how you can heal from that and move forward. A therapist, counselor, just see which one works best for you. The next thing is you have to take time off. When you have a relationship, so many of us go from one relationship right into the next. We go right into it because we're afraid to be alone. You can't be afraid to be alone. You can't be afraid to be single. If you listen to this, then you look for my book. Single is not a curse because that's what I'm talking about in there. You have to learn how to embrace single life, how to live your best single life. You have to learn that. And until you realize that it's okay to be alone, it's okay to be your own company, you're going to get hurt because you're gonna go from one talking relationship to the next. And because you're hurting, you're building a relationship on a weak foundation. You're going in with insecurities which allows you to get ran over, get treated like a floor mat. Or you're going in with the insecurities that makes you mean and bitter and controlling or untrustworthy or you being incapable to trust the man. And so it's messing up the relationship before it even really starts. So take some time off. I recommend at least six months from my studies and dealing with the hundreds and hundreds of clients that I've dealt with. I recommend taking off at least six months. If come six months, you're still sensitive, you're still hurting, you're still don't know how to handle the issues with the new person, then stretch it to 12 months. 12 months evaluated again. If you're still thinking about your ex every day, you're still hurting, go to 18 months. Now guess what? It may take you three years. If you do it on your own. But if you sign up for coaching or therapy or both, that's gonna speed up that healing process because you're gonna get new knowledge which what we just talked about. You're gonna get new knowledge and that new knowledge, knowledge is power. That knowledge becomes power and it helps you to understand and that understanding is what allows you the strength to move forward because you understand your past and you have turned your mistakes into lessons instead of allowing your mistakes to just be open wounds. So you have to heal before you deal. That's so important. I remember I was in a toxic relationship and it was two years long and I was trying to control her because I was trying to change her. I wanted her to stop drinking, stop cursing, stop smoking, stop clubbing. And I was trying to change her into what I thought was the perfect woman. But in trying to control a human being, I lost control because you cannot control a human being. So that relationship turned violent, physical violence, emotional violence. It wasn't what you bust lips, black eyes or anything like that, broken bones, but it was pushing, pulling, tussling. It was rolling on the ground. We would get physical. It would be yelling, screaming, cursing. I know a lot of you have been through that. Why? Because it was a battle of the wills. One human trying to control another human and that human trying to manipulate or control the other human. And so that turns into something very violent whether it's just violent words or whether it's actually violence happening, pushing, pulling, slapping. For some of you, you maybe have been punched with a closed fist. You maybe have had a black eye, a broken bone, a bust lip, bleeding. Some of you have experienced that. It happens when you build on the wrong foundation and neither one of you know love. And I remember leaving that relationship because I hated the way it made me feel. I broke it off. I broke it off and this is not love. But guess what? I went right into a new relationship with my wife and I thought that I could start fresh. But because I didn't get coaching because I took no time off. I didn't even take really a day off because I took no time off and I went right into another relationship. It cost me early. My wife, she kicked me to the curb two months in because I was trying to control her. I was over-questioning her. I didn't trust her, asking too many questions. I was doing too much. And so she backed away. She backed away. That is what happens. Now I got her back six months later. She still had to reprimand me to work out some other toxic behaviors in me. We got it together. Today we're 100% happy. And I had to heal inside of our relationship. If you have the opportunity, now I'm telling you to heal before you deal. It'll save you some tears. It'll save you some heartache. It'll save you some time. Next, we wanna talk about are you relationship ready? Are you relationship ready? Have you built your dream? See, a lot of us, we wanna go into a relationship, but we're not ready for it because a relationship is gonna shut some things down. When you get into a relationship, you gotta sit down. When you get in a relationship, you can't do what you've always done. You can't do the same things that you did when you were single. You can't have as many girls nights out. You can't just wear anything you wanna wear. You're no longer your own person. When you get into a relationship, things change. You have to compromise some things for your partner, for the liking of your partner. As long as it's not compromising your self-worth or your self-esteem, it's okay. So what that means is, I used to have gold teeth. My wife didn't like gold teeth. Made me take them out. I was selling drugs. My wife didn't want me selling drugs. She wasn't gonna be with anybody selling drugs. She made me get out of the streets. You see, I was a grown boy and she said, hey, this is what it's gonna take to be with me. You can take it or leave it. I couldn't see myself letting her go. So I dropped everything, changed everything she wanted me to change. I was an athlete. You know, athletes, you shaved your legs. Athletes, a lot of athletes, we shaved our legs. A lot of athletes shaved their whole body. I used to shave my legs. You know, I did it since I was a kid. I was an athlete. You show more definition. You look fast. You look more athletic, especially when you're naturally really hairy. I used to shave my legs. I got one wife. She didn't like shaved legs. She didn't like prickles rubbing against her. It felt like she was in bed with another woman instead of with a real man. So she told me about it. You know, hey, you gotta stop shaving your legs. You tripping. So guess what? I had to compromise. So I say that that's just the small things. That's just the small things on being a relationship ready, meaning that are you ready to go from being independent to being interdependent, working with someone else. But on the grand scheme of things, have you built your dream? See, a lot of times when you get into a relationship as a woman, the man may want to have kids. He may want to travel the world. He may want you to quit your job. He may want you to be a stay-at-home mom or stay-at-home wife. He may want you to be cooking, to be cleaning. He may want you to be his manager, his assistant. You know, so he may want something different from you. But you may say, I have a nonprofit organization in me. I have a book in me. I have a company in me. Have you built your dream? Have you birthed your book? Have you started your nonprofit? If the answer is no, you're not relationship ready because you need to get that out before you meet your partner. You need to get your dream out and give it legs so that when you meet your partner, if you have to have a baby or you gotta sit down, your gift, your dream is already out and it's running and it can maintain itself for the most part. You need to get that out of you. So instead of looking for a man, look within and birth your dream. And when you birth your dream, that might attract your husband. That just might attract your husband. If you're already in a relationship and things just don't feel right, you know, birth your dream inside a relationship, that will not out ten times change the way he views you and how he sees you and probably most likely how he treats you. So think about that. Next, are you ready to settle down with a man in his ways? Are you ready to have the toilet seat left up? Are you ready to have dirty underwear with crud from the booty on the underwear? Are you ready? Are you ready to have a eight out plate left on the kitchen table, left on the kitchen sink? Are you ready to have a cuddle with somebody that hasn't showered in two or three days? Are you ready? Because men have behaviors and ways. Are you ready to smell gas? Non-stop, passing gas, burping, scratching, dead skin flying all over the bed and everywhere. Are you ready for a man in his ways? So you got to think about that. See, a lot of people think about this fairytale. You think about Prince Charming and then you get a man and you're living with him. Some of you, most of you have already experienced it. And when you're living, you're like, oh, I know some of the things made you cringe. You're like, oh, you know what? I ain't seen him showering in two days. You know what? You're trying to cuddle and then he passed gas and you're about to throw up. You're about to throw up smelling his gas. You can't even relax and get comfortable. You have to think about that. Make sure that you're ready. Now when you've processed it and you feel, you know what? Hey, you know, that's normal. That's human. We all do that stuff. And guess what? Here's the thing. It's a double standard a lot of times because he might pass gas and burp, but he don't necessarily want you passing gas and burp. My wife still has never passed gas around me because she feels it's not ladylike. And if she openly passed gas around me and just like felt comfortable, like lift up a leg and pass gas, I would want a divorce. Honestly, I'm just telling you, it just, we just, a man just do not picture that when we see a woman. But see as a woman, you've been used to it being around boys all your life. Boys in class use to pass gas and laugh about it. So it's just kind of something that you've become used to. Now you and your girlfriends, if you play sports and you was on a team, y'all do it around each other, but you don't, you didn't do that around your boyfriend unless you're a special case. Now there's a couple of women y'all that you might be a special case. You don't mind. You do not care. Now if you are that type of woman and you are single, I'm here to tell you honestly, and you know, we're making light of the situation, but that might be why, that might be why. It's just cause me and we see you as a goddess. We see you as a queen. We see you as perfect. We see you as wholesome. We just see you as pure, as clean, as sweet smelling. So we're smelling burps and we smell gas and you're not showering, you know, every day, which you know, that happens cause you're human. It just throws us off a little bit, but you know, you better able to handle it. We just wired differently. You gotta understand that. So we don't think about the little things in a relationship before we ask for that. Now lastly, are you independent and ready to be interdependent? I briefly touched on this. Independent means that you have a job in that you live alone and that you are comfortable with your own company and that you make enough money to pay all of your bills and shop, you know, live your life, not necessarily shop, but you at least can meet your needs, pay your bills and probably can't meet all your wants, but you can meet your needs. That's independent. If you still have a roommate, if you still live with your parents, if you haven't learned how to manage your money yet, if all those things, then that means that you're still a dependent. It's very hard to go from being dependent to being interdependent because dependent is the lowest form on the maturity continuum and that's your lowest state being a dependent. That's what a child is, dependent. So as a woman, you, and I tell the same thing to the men, so look, this is gonna be tough. I want you to understand that. It's gonna be tough, but it's real and I'm even more real with the fellas. Don't worry about that. Read my book, The New Guy Code. You'll see what I'm talking about if you don't believe me. So as a woman, I want you to understand that you first need to become independent because that's in the space that you'll show yourself that you can take care of yourself and that you're comfortable being alone. When you are independent, you don't wanna get caught up in it and it feel like I don't need a man and getting all that kick, but be happy, be confident, be strong, be bold, but also, and be content, but also be ready to be interdependent, meaning that you're ready to split the bills in half, meaning that you're ready to submit to a man and allow him to lead if he's being led by God. Remember, if he's being led by God, do not surrender or submit your will to a man that is not following God 100%. That's hard to find, but it's worth waiting for. Are you independent? Now, if you live with your parents, it's nothing wrong with that. I have a lot of clients that live with their parents and they make good money and they're just saving their money. I understand that it's good. That's all fine and dandy, but here's what I want you to do. See, if you meet a man and he finds that you live with your parents, he might take you for granted or he may not wanna be with you, just like if you were living by yourself and you met a man to live with his mama, you really don't respect him. You look down on him. You're like, you still live with your mama, old as you is, you know? Y'all student for the country, I know I'm country, I do not use proper English, but just work with me. That's from the heart. So think about this now. If you live with your parents, you can't be mad at him. If y'all are cool and y'all dating and he wants to come over and you say, oh, my mom and dad are here. Oh, your parents live with you? Oh no, I live with them. Oh. So the same way that you may judge a man that live with his mom, he may judge you and that's his right. So here's what you need to do, test yourself. See if you can manage your own money. See if you can be comfortable with your own company and move out, get a place. Even if it's just right down the street, get your own apartment. Or if you need a bigger space than rent a house, rent an apartment, rent a house, no different. I would say rent a house. If you're gonna rent a house, I mean, you can rent a house for pretty much the same price you can rent an apartment for in a lot of cities. So I mean, rent a house, have more space. It even look more established and it's cool. There's no shame in renting. We're in a new day, new age. So rent a house and do that. Be by yourself for a year, two years, or you and your kids, if you have kids, be independent. If you need to go to school, go to school while you're working and making money and work overtime. If you have somebody that, if you need somebody to watch your kids, find somebody to watch your kids while you go to school and you work, do what you have to do to be able to pay your own bills. If you can't pay your bills, then downside's your lifestyle. You may have to live with your parents for a year to save enough money to where you can pay your rent for a year. And while you're working, you got all them savings for that rent for a year, then that means the money that you're working for, you put up all that money for the next year's rent. And so on and so on. But you're teaching yourself and by any means necessary, you're becoming independent. And when you do that, now you are becoming mature enough to grow or to step into being interdependent. So please, please understand that. Next, I need to talk to you. Dress as you will be addressed. Dress as you'll be addressed. What this means is that your clothes tell a man how you're feeling, but also how to treat you. What are your clothes saying about you? I got this picture in here because, you know, I had this picture in my phone and I absolutely love this outfit. It is amazing. And in polling men, this is the type of outfit that men said they love. It's form-fitting jeans. You can see her shape. You can see what she brings to the table. And then a decent blouse, a decent top. It's not showing cleavage. If you show cleavage, don't show too much. It's not showing off her belly. You know, it's not, I'm not saying anything wrong with showing off your belly if you work hard for your body, but you have to be careful with that. You don't want to be, you don't want to seem attention seeking. It would be much more pleasurable to a man if you had on a full shirt and then you all went to a pool or something went swimming and then you have on your bathing suit and then he sees your stomach that you've worked so hard for in an environment where it's supposed to be seen. Instead of him being able to accuse you of being thirsty by always wearing shirts with your stomach out because you want attention. You see what I mean? You have to think about that. This outfit that you see, this lady, she looks sexy. That's sexy. That's also classy. That's also responsible. That's also fashion forward. She has on nice heels, nice pants and a nice shirt. It also says sophisticated yet simple. It also says classy yet comfortable. You see, so there's many different versions of an outfit like this that has this combination. You see the Nike says I'm cool, I'm chill. You know, I can kick it. Then the jeans says I can get sexy, you know. And then the heels say I'm sophisticated, I'm classy and I'm sexy. The glasses say I'm cool, I'm chill. I'm not checking for you, you know. So what are your clothes saying about you? She got jewelry, she got the nails on, you see the red nails, I'm confident. Red is the color of confidence, I'm confident. The lipstick, you look kinda red or pinkish, I'm confident. You feel me? So you have to realize what your clothes are saying about you if you're showing too much. Showing too much is if your shorts or your skirt stops above mid-thigh, you're showing too much. Now I understand some shorts do do that. I would say save those shorts to walk beside your man because when you out with the booty shorts by yourself, it sends the wrong message to men and it's not necessary. You can wear shorts without them being booty shorts without that lower part of your butt cheek being exposed or almost exposed to where if you've been over that lower part of your butt cheek coming out, your shorts are too short, you're doing too much and I want you to just, see this just between me and you, you just looking at a PowerPoint and all you hear is me, this between me and you. I'm not trying to embarrass you, I ain't putting you on front street or front of nobody else, this between me and you, my sister. You are doing too much and if I'm a single man, I don't want to see you like that. Now if you're my girl and I think that's sexy and I know you coming home with me and that we're exclusive, we're together, okay. I can see that, I can feel it. But as a single woman, if you have your cheeks hanging out or all your breasts hanging out or you always have all of your stomach in your rib cage out, you know, I'm gonna, or you got see-through clothes on all the time. I can see through and see your thong, you know, I can see through and see everything. You wearing them, all them see-through clothes, you wearing the stuff with the split up to your hip and your whole leg hanging out, you know, I'm gonna put you in a box. You might say, oh hey, I'm just being sexy. It's okay to be sexy, but you need to also be sophisticated and responsible with the sexiness. And I'm just telling you now, if you don't care, hey, keep doing what you're doing, but you're gonna keep getting what you're getting. If you're getting dolls, if you're getting no good men, if you're getting men trying to sleep with you on the first night and that's how you're dressing, that's exactly why you're getting it. But if you want something new, you gotta do something new. The next, are you showing too little? Now, see, this sister here, that's in the picture, she's showing nothing. She's showing nothing but the toes. Now, men love to see where you feed that. I'm not one of those men, but I hear that over and over and over and coaching men. They love to see where you feed that. You know, how your feet look. Are you showing too little? Now, see, showing too little is like what traditional Muslim women wear. And that's their religious beliefs and that's why they dress like that. So we can call that showing too little. Now, for some men, it's not showing too little. I mean, to be honest with you, it's no such thing really as showing too little because a man really just wants to see your face. If he can see your face and he's attracted to you, then he'll approach you. Sometimes in Muslim women, all I could see is their eyes and the eyes. If the eyes look pretty, they're approachable. Now they probably won't talk to you, but they're approachable, you know? And so it's really not about showing too little, but it's about how are you showing too little? So if you're showing, you know, nothing, like this sister here, she's showing nothing, but if you take, you know, this same thing and you put a frumpy dress on it, you know, you put a frumpy dress on it or, you know, you super-duper, you know, just like it looks like a garbage bag or something, you know, them big loose dresses all the time. It's cool once in a while, but not all the time. And that goes into do you look like you're morning? See, your outfit needs to show some vibrance, some life. Don't wear black every day. Black is not the new red. Black is the new black, and black can be chic. Black can be classy, but even when you're wearing black, it needs to have a pop of white or purple or some kind of color just to say, I have some life in me. I'm not on my way out of the world getting ready to transition. I'm not headed to a funeral or coming from a funeral unless you actually are. I'm not in mourning. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. You see what I mean? So you have to make sure that you don't look like you're in mourning. Now, this may seem petty to you, but I want you to understand right here, what I need you to understand is that this is the first component of a relationship, attraction. Just like you want a man's clothes to say the right thing to you, it's 10 times that for a man because we're visual creatures. So you can feel with your heart, men struggle with feeling with their heart. So you can see a man that isn't dress right or doesn't look all the way right, but then you can talk to him and he can have an amazing personality, an amazing conversation and you fall for him. You fall for him because you feel his heart. Men, we don't necessarily have that same ability. So we have to be able to be attracted to you. Now see, as some women that you're just mad and you're upset and you just do not care about that. Hey, that's your prerogative. That's your prerogative. But if no man is approaching you, that's why. And I'm just all, only thing is I'm not saying compromise your self-worth. I'm not saying compromise your self-respect. I'm not saying do all this for a man. What I'm saying is that if what you've been doing haven't been working, then it needs to be something done differently. Now, if everything that I said you should do, you've been doing, then guess what? That means that it's just not your time yet, that your man is still being cultivated. He's still being worked on for you and you have to be patient and you have to continue to work on yourself while you're waiting. You gotta continue to birth business. Do you have a book out? Have you written a book? For most of you, the answer is no, write a book then. If you've written a book, do you have a foundation? Start a non-profit foundation with your 501c3, which is $1,500 in total. Start your foundation. Okay, you got a foundation. Now, do you have your website for the foundation? Okay, do you have your blog up? Do you have a dot com with your blog up? See, this is what I mean. You have to think about those things. If he hasn't came yet, you're not waiting on God. God is waiting on you. Get out of you what needs to be gotten out of you and then your man will be on the way. Now, the next part is how your past affects your present with a man. How much should he tell? Now, you have to be careful when you're asking a man how many people have you slept with? You know, how many people have you been with because if you ask that, he's gonna ask that. And lots of them, even if you don't ask that, he's gonna ask that. So, you shouldn't really expect him to tell his whole past. And even if he does, you can pretty much assume he might be lying. He might be, but like I say, you know, not like I say, well, the Bible says, judge not so that you be not judged because if you don't believe that he's only slept with five people, guess what? When you say five or when you say 10, he's not gonna believe that either. So, here's what you need to tell a man, guess what? My past is my past. I'm not questioning you about my past, not saying that it's bad, but my past is my past. We're in the present. We are in the present. No, I haven't dated any of your friends. If that's what you weren't about, that's the only thing to me that really is relevant. So, mind your business. Now, if he just needs a number and you know that there's no other way for him to find out, just tell him one, you know, and then repent for it, but just tell him one and then repent, you know, if there's no other way for him to find out. Now, if you know these men might see you in this relationship on Facebook and write him and say, hey, you know, I slept with your girl, which I've never heard of a man doing that. I've never done it. It's never happened to me. So it's just not something that men typically do. If we have slept with a woman that's with another man, we just kind of look at him and look at her like, I've been there done that, but we don't go out of our way to tell that man that just because we fear the repercussions of rubbing that in his face. So now 10 times your exes aren't going to tell this man that they slept with you. So just tell him one, it's none of his business. That's your past. But what you have to realize, if there's things you can't hide, it can. And with a good man, it most likely will affect you, unless that's just what he likes. But with most men, just like with you, if you're getting with a man and you find out that he is on the sex offender registry, you're going to have some pause. You're going to hold on. Okay. Now you're going to hear his story, but you still probably going to assume there's some holes in the story that something just isn't adding up. And that may be a deal breaker. If this man has a felony, that might be a deal breaker. If this man had a attempted murder charge and just kind of beat the rap, or he's already dead at the time, that might be a deal breaker. See some things is public record. Some things are online. There's a lot of ladies that have modeled. You've had you in a thong and that's online. You've been all down, showing body parts and that's online. That can affect you. And I've seen it not affect some women and the men be okay with it. But a lot of times I struggle sometimes with understanding or trusting that man as a man, because I know how we naturally are. So one, he's either close to being an angel. He's a super devout Christian man and he really believes that your past is your past and he's forgiven you and he's thrown it into the sea of forgiveness just like God has. That's one thing. Number two, which is most often, most common, is that he's a grown boy and he's not looking for a real woman. He's looking for who he thinks is a grown girl and he has the intentions of just kind of using you and still being with you, having sex with you and all that, looking like a relationship, but cheating on you. Cheating on you and then it coming out and you being okay with it because of your past. And you can't say anything because of your past. That's number two, that's most often. And then number three is he really doesn't like women. Ooh, some of y'all in Atlanta, you've already dealt with that. He's with you for the public, for his mother and father, his family, his sisters and brothers, his homeboys, you know, his coworkers. He's with you, you're a front. And he don't care about whatever you used to do because he's just with you for the look and he getting him a piece of a man behind closed doors. Now, if you sense that, hey, you gotta be real. Your intuition rarely lies. If you're sane and you stable and you hold and you heal and you're healthy-minded, your intuition is not lying to you. Those are the three main types of men that I find that do not care about a woman's past. That is very rare. An average man, he wants to see your relationship resume. He wants to see your relationship resume and every person that you slept with, that's like being fired from a job. So if you think about a company, if you're the CEO of a company, are you going to hire someone that has been fired 10 times previous? Most likely not. And if you do, the probationary period gonna be very strict. That's the same thing in relationships. That's the same way you should deal with a man and that's how a man is dealing with you. So I say that to say that from this day forward, your past is your past. It's all, what's done is already done. But you don't have to continue to make the same mistakes. You don't have to continue to sleep with random men. You don't have to continue to sleep with every new man that you start to date. You don't have to continue to make those mistakes. So leave your number, your body count, what they call it today. Leave your body count where it is. And from this point forward, save yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, keep your legs closed and open your mind so that when you meet your man, your relationship resume isn't so jacked up that he wants no parts of you. Understand that and it goes the same way. When you meet a man, ask him for his relationship resume. Do a little digging yourself. Google him. Look at his history. Evaluate him. Our history says something about us. People can change, but at least our past will let you know what the makeup of this person is. I'm so straightforward and I'm so real. Why? Because in my past, I was in the streets. I was mentored by gangsters. And it's real out there. It's real in the streets. So today, being a devout Christian man and a 100% faithful husband, I'm still very real. I'm still, I was raised by a transparent mother. I'm very transparent. I'm very real. I'm very raw. I'm very authentic. I'm not trying to front. I'm not trying to fake. I am who I am and my wisdom comes from God. So that being the case, I have over 20 streams of income. Because I was a hustler. I had to get it. I knew how to get it. So today, I'm doing it, but it's 100% legal. That's in my past. That explains why I am the way I am today. So your past does the same about you and the man that you meet, his past will do the same about him. So we have to really evaluate the past, understand the relationship resume. Now, what I want you to do, just take a little pause for a second. Just take a little pause. I want you to process some things, get all that in your mind. Now, we back. Now, understand a man, but remain a lady. What does think like a man really mean? What does think like a man really mean? See, some people, we think that that means literally thinking like a man. But see what you have to realize is that your thoughts determine your actions. So thinking like a man really means acting like a man. But it's like the most men that you've met, what have they done to you? They've lied to you, they manipulated you, they've deceived you, they've cheated on you, they've beat on you. So that's what you know to be a man. So when you so-called start thinking like a man, what do you begin to do? You began to sleep around. You began to juggle two and three men at the same time. You began to be ruthless. You began to be untrustworthy. You began to be disloyal, dishonest. Why, because that's what's happened to you and you're saying they're playing the game, so let me play the game. But guess what, you're not thinking like a man, you're thinking like a grown boy. Because if you're thinking like a real man, guess what, you're gonna be faithful. You're gonna be responsible. You're gonna be honest, you're gonna be trustworthy. That's how real man is, but a lot of times you're gonna meet grown boys. So even if you're thinking like a real man, you're gonna be dealing with a grown boy and he may take your kindness for weakness. So here's the thing. Don't think like a man, think like a lady. Think like a lady because you're 10% smarter than a man based on science. Think like a lady because you think with both sides of your brain and he only thinks with one side of his. Think like a lady because your life expectancy is longer because your threshold of pain is greater, because your understanding is greater, because your emotional senses are greater, because your cognitive skills are greater. Think like a lady because you are divinely and wonderfully created. Think like a lady. If you began to think and act like a man, you are dumbing yourself down. You are stunting your growth. You are hindering your progress in the world. You are hurting yourself and you will only attract what you are. You will forever attract grown boys if you're acting and thinking like a grown boy. So understand what thinking like a man really means and what it honestly, honestly means is to understand a man. Think like a lady but use the strength in your mind to understand the species, the creature, the beast, whatever you want to call it, the human, the man understand what you're dealing with and understand why you have to love yourself and respect yourself to get his love and respect. Understand why you have to stand your ground. Understand why you can't reinforce grown boy behavior. Grown boy behavior meaning a grown man acting like an irresponsible boy. Understanding why you can't reinforce that meaning why you can't stay after he's cheated. Why you can't sit down and listen when he yells and curses. Why you can't stay after he's hit you. Why you can't stay after he stole your money or borrowed your money and didn't pay you back. Understanding why you can't reinforce grown boy behavior. Understand a man but remain a lady. Next is getting him to express his feelings. Getting him to express his feelings. Understand that he doesn't possess the cognitive skills that you do. What that means is that men were more direct. That's why a lot of what I say may kind of make you cringe. May kind of make your mouth drop open. May kind of hurt your feelings. Why because men we are direct. Our words, the way our wires in our brain fires as we fire straight from A to Z. We don't know how to word it in a way that gets the point across without offending you. And when we do get that to that point we're really not saying what we want to say. We're saying what we need to say. We're saying what should be said but we really feel it a little stronger than what we're saying it. Most men don't get to that point. So you have to understand that. That is why he doesn't express himself as much. You ask him why he did it. He gives you one sentence. That's his explanation. You want an hour long conversation but he's giving you one, two, three sentences and he's done. See you have to know when to close the conversation when he's expressed himself, right? And then you ask him again and then he says the same thing again. And you ask him again and he says the same thing again. Guess what? It's time to close the conversation. It's going no further. But if you get mad, you start crying, you start yelling, you keep pressing him. Guess what? You are going to push him past his limits. And guess what? When a person is backed into a corner, what do they do? They come out fighting. So a lot of times women don't realize why a man gets physical. I'm not condoning physical violence. I'm explaining how it happens sometimes. And for some of you and our coach clients and I say, you ever yell at them? You ever call them out his name? If you African-American woman, you ever call them the N word? You ever call them a pump? You ever call them the B word, the curse word? You ever call them a jerk? This or that or this or that? Guess what? A man doesn't have the cognitive skills to express what's on his mind like you do. So you will win the battle of words. But when you become violent in your words, guess what he's going to do? He's going to become violent with his hands. Because that is how he expressed himself when he's ran out of words. Now this is not an excuse for it. This is an explanation of it. Please understand that. I am only explaining why it happens sometimes. Now if he's doing that, if he's physically violent and you didn't push him, you didn't yell at him, you didn't curse at him, you didn't call him out of his name. You just ask him a question. Guess what? He's doing that because he has an issue. He has a problem. It's something wrong with him. He's hurting. He's torn. He's down. Even if you do curse him out and he puts hands on you, something is still wrong with him. But at the same time, you have to be honest. Did I provoke him? Did I jump in his face? Did I hit him first? Did I curse him out? Did I push him past his limits? If so, change the way you communicate. Shut down the conversation early. Communicate effectively, which we're going to talk about that later. And when you do that, if he's still verbally and physically abusive, guess what? For one, you need to call the police if he puts his hands on you. And then two, you need to leave. And if you ever come back, it needs to be under strict surveillance. He needs to be getting anger management and life coaching, not just anger management. He needs to have a life coach like myself every week. And it has to be mandatory. It has to be mandatory. And if you come back and he puts his hands on you again a second time, you can never come back again. To be honest with you, if he did it once, you should never go back. But I know some of you won't listen to me. But if you will, don't go back. Don't go back. And if he wants to get you back, let him prove himself from a distance. Can't live together, can't be together. No, we're not exclusive. And let him call you and beg you and plead and call you every single day, send you flowers every single week. Let him do that for a year. If he's still doing it every single day, a year in, guess what? He just may have changed. And you need to evaluate his lifestyle. Talk to him. Is he still cursing? Is he still drinking? Is he still hanging out with the boys? Is he still going to the club, to the strip club? If he's doing art, he hasn't changed. If he's going to church every single day, he's quoting scripture, he's not cursing, he's not drinking, he's not smoking. He's not in the club. And you can honestly, with everything in you, feel that this man has done 180 in his life. Then guess what? He has a chance. He has a chance. He maybe has changed. So realize, you can get a man to express his feelings, but you have to do it on his time in his way. So you ask him if he's not going anywhere, shut it down, and then you can bring it up tomorrow. Bring it up tomorrow. Bring it up in a time of peace. If he goes crazy and he doesn't express himself, let's say he doesn't express himself. You've done every tactic, you've done everything right. And he still doesn't express himself. And the answer that he's giving you is not satisfactory. Guess what? You gotta leave. You gotta leave him. Because if you stay, you reinforce that behavior, you tell him that it is okay to cheat on me, or to be caught cheating, or to be suspected of cheating, and not express yourself, it's okay to do that. But if you leave, he's gonna, I guarantee you, he will find the words to express to you what he's feeling and why it happened, the way it happened, or why he did what he did. Next, the man who earns less than you. What type of man is okay with the one that earns more? Now, this type of man, he is a special being, and he is also rare. But this type of man typically is a man of faith. He's a devout Christian. Or, you know, a devout man of faith. You may be Muslim or something else. I don't wanna get into the race, I mean the religion debate. But this man, he believes in a higher power. He finds his strength and his confidence in a higher power. So, he's strong and he's confident in who he is. My wife made more money than me when we were working that same job. She made $5 an hour more than me. And I was okay with it. I didn't abuse her, I didn't make her feel bad. I was okay with it. I was kinda actually happy that she was, because I was so confident and comfortable with myself that I was glad that she was making the money that she was making. Now, the table's turned, the table's eventually turned. And, you know, she is now okay with it. At first, she kinda wasn't. At first, she seemed like a little jealous or, you know, just a little upset because I was living my dream and she felt like she wasn't living hers. But she's finally just said, you know what? Maybe this is what God has for me. And this is a greater call to be a wife and a mother and to raise young men that'll change the world and to support a man that's changing the world. So she found the purpose, you know, in her position. And she embraced it. So sometimes, as a woman, you might make more money than the table's turned and you may struggle with it and you have to learn how to be okay with being sat down and being at home and being a stay at home wife or mother and not being able to work and make the six figures or the 50,000 or whatever it is that you're used to making and being able to go shopping and you wanna go shopping because your income has been cut off. So it goes both ways. Like I say, judge not so that you be not judged. Like I said, treat others how you wanna be treated. So you have to realize you can't judge a man because he earns less money. Now what you can do before what you make comes out if you know that most likely you make an amount that he does not make then don't let your income be disclosed right away. And find a way to talk about that, you know? Say, you know, hey, how do you feel? I was talking to one of my friends and we were talking about a woman that makes more money than a man. You know, how do you feel about that? You know, now most men, they know the politically correct answer. I'm fine with it, I'm fine. You know, it doesn't matter to me. You know, it's no problem. You know, a real man doesn't have a problem with that. As long as she knows I'm the head of the household and I run things, you know, I'm cool with that. That's what the politically correct answer is. Now, if you get in and you realize that things start to change, he's being kind of abusive, verbally abusive, he's being insensitive, he's being disrespectful and you're not doing anything wrong but making more money, then you gotta check them. You gotta check them, you gotta call them out on it. And I've seen some women that had to get a divorce or had to leave their man because his insecurity caused him to act in ways that was no longer bearable or acceptable. And that is what it is. But don't judge a man by his income. Judge him by his character. Let his character be his currency because when you let a man's character be his currency, what you'll find is that a lot of broke men are actually filthy rich in character and a lot of rich men are actually bankrupt. When you let a man's character be his currency, you'll find that a lot of rich men are actually bankrupt. Tweet that. When you let a man's character be his currency, you will find that a lot of rich men are actually bankrupt. And that's what happens because when a man has character, he can get money. But if a man has no character, no amount of money will buy character. So see my wife, she saw my character, she saw my dreams, she saw my beliefs, she saw my lifestyle, I didn't drink, I didn't curse, I didn't smoke, I didn't like the club. She saw those things, those intangibles, those character traits. And she saw that some special about this man, that's how she felt and that's why she's with me. And when I slipped up and my character changed when we got back together that next time around, she pulled back from me. She pulled back and she checked me, hey, you're not the man that I thought you were. You just can't be. So then guess what? I had to be the man that I told her that I was, the man that I was intended to be. And that's why I'm doing what I'm doing today because she made me step into that character and embrace it. Next we have the abusive man. And we've been mentioning this, you know, I've been talking about this already throughout this recording and this is so, so important. It's so important because abuse happens in so many ways. Abuse can be as simple as checking your phone, checking your email, telling what you can and can't wear, telling you who you can and can't hang around, telling you you can't talk to your mom every day or three times a day, telling you you can't go visit your family, telling you what you can and can't do when you are an able-bodied, able-minded adult, but yet this man is treating you like a dog, like a puppet, like a slave, that is abuse. Now why do some men abuse women? Because he's hurting, because he was abused, because he saw abuse in the home or he saw abuse around him because he was lied to, he was cheated on, he was betrayed, he was neglected. So if he hurt people, hurt people, we've heard that so many times and you have to realize that. Now what you also have to realize is if that's the case, it doesn't mean you reinforce it. Yes, you understand it, but that doesn't mean you stay. That means you call it out and say, look, you have some issues, son. You have some issues, brother. You have some issues, Poppy, whatever you wanna call them. Buddy, you got some issues that need to be dealt with. You need to hire a life coach. I know a great one, his name is Tony Gaskins. He's a good guy. And if you wanna be with me, you gotta get some coaching or some counseling or some therapy or all of the above. You have to, there's no if, ands and buts about it. I will not come back to that house. I will not come back to that apartment. I will not be with you. I will not say that you are my boyfriend. I will not wait on you if you are unwilling to man up to grow and to change. And see, you're gonna get an opportunity to say this because a lot of times you're gonna see the red flags before they happen. Before a man hits you, he's yelled at you. Before a man hits you, he's cursed at you. So you gotta notice the red flags. Before a man hits you, he's cheated on you. Before a man hits you, he's came in late. And when I say hit you, I don't just mean with his hand, I mean with his words, with his actions, whatever. Before he did, there were red flags. You gotta know the red flag. Here's the red flags. Coming in late, cheating, not accepting responsibility for his actions, being irresponsible, lying, deceiving, manipulating, yelling, cursing at you, calling you out of your name, controlling you, demanding you, all of those things are red flags and all of those things are precursors to domestic violence, to emotional, verbal, and physical violence. And when you recognize those things, you have to call them out. If you're in a relationship and it's already happening, it is already happening. And you're in this relationship, guess what? When he goes to work tomorrow, you need to leave. You need to go to your friend's house instead of going back to the house and you need to get him on the phone and say, hey, we need to talk. And then you need to talk to him. Or when he goes to sleep, if you listen to it right now and you just got, he just beat you or yelled at you or cursed you out or came home later or you just found out he was cheating and now he's sleeping, you're listening to this, you need to leave. You need to leave because see, if you try to tell him in front of him, things might get physical and you don't want the wrong blow to happen and it ends your life. Like on that movie, he got gang. When Denzel pushed the woman and she hit the stove, hit her head on the stove and died. Stuff like that happens. And a lot of times it's because of the way we handle the situation, the way we deal with it. So in the time of peace, prepare for war, plan your escape, game cover and then send a telegram, which I mean a phone call, email and talk, like talk from a distance and then make him implement the changes and make sure that he's doing it and that you see a change and make him love you from a distance. Date from a distance. You know, you don't have to see each other. Y'all can just talk every day. Date from a distance until you know, without a shadow of doubt in your heart, this man has done a 180. And then, then you can come back because he can change, I changed. My wife helped me change but she loved me from a distance. She put me on a probation every period. She gave me one, she gave me a second chance. And if I would've messed up that second time around because of how she left, the first time I knew that I wouldn't get a second chance. And I didn't test her. I didn't tempt it. So I want you to understand that. Next, why some men cheat? Why some men cheat? And I look, I wouldn't be talking about this and I wouldn't wrote this in the book and I wouldn't be recording this if I was cheating. I am not cheating. I have no plans on cheating. How about cheating in the past? In relationships, yes. I've cheated in every relationship I've been in. Yes, men do cheat. Can a man be faithful after being a cheater? Yes, he can. A man can't change and I can only say that because I've changed. Now, the main reason men cheat is because we lost because we have a sexual thought every 15 seconds. Now, I haven't had any sexual thoughts while I was recording this. So that's not the truth when our mind is completely occupied. But when I'm not doing this, I have a sexual thought every 15 seconds about my wife right now. But if I see another woman and it's me talking to you like, like a brother, you know, and I'm real, I'm a realist coach in the game, that's why God has entrusted me with the following that he has because Lord knows I'm not gonna tell you a lie. But if I see another woman and she has a nice butt or some nice breasts, I'm gonna have a sexual thought for an instant. And then I gotta repent, ask for forgiveness and I gotta turn my head. And then see what I have to do is have that thought and then kill that thought without acting on it. Because if I feed that thought, then it's gonna leave me to walk up to that woman. It's gonna leave me to give her a corny line to get a phone number. Then if I entertain that, then I call her and then I just say, oh, we're just gonna be friends. I just wanna meet somebody new and just wanna hear another voice. Then we're gonna be friends and we're gonna be talking. Then we're gonna talk five minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes, one hour. Then we're gonna talk three hours. And then we're gonna meet up. And then after we meet up, then one day she gonna invite me to her place. And then we're gonna be in her place and we're gonna watch her move in her place. Then next time we're gonna cuddle and watch her move and then next time we're gonna be kissing. Then next time we're gonna make all the way out. Then next time we're gonna be having sex. See, one thing leads to another. But see, in order for a man not to cheat, he has to have something to rewire himself to become 100% faithful. And the only thing, this is the one thing for me. This is why I'm faithful. I'm faithful because I fell in love with Jesus Christ and his message, right? And by doing that, I realized that my purpose was to bring more people to Christ, right? So after I surrendered and submitted my will to Christ's will, to God's will, then I was handed my purpose and I began to walk in my purpose. And then my purpose gave me a platform. And then that platform brought in profit, purpose platform profit. So now I was being rewarded for my obedience to my purpose, to my calling. And then I realized that my life changed for the better when I became 100% faithful to my wife and I surrendered my will to God. God honored my change, God honored my life and he blessed my life. So I realized that before I was 100% faithful, when I was emotional cheating, when I was given too much room, too much space to the flesh, to lust, what's happening in my life today was not happening then. I didn't have the same favor over my life. Now that I do, guess what? I don't want to go back. I fear, I fear that if I cheat, I will lose this favor. I fear that if I cheat, it'll come out. It'll be on a blog. It'll be on the news or it'll be in a book. And I fear that everybody that trusts me and that trusts my word, it's like you trust me. And maybe you came in to critique me and hopefully by the end of this, you don't critique me, but you thank me for being this open and honest and transparent with you to help you in your relationship for whatever reason. Anybody that has invested in me, I fear that I'll lose the trust of those people, the support of those people. And if I lose that support, then guess what? I can't provide for my family. And if I can't provide for my family, then guess what, I'm not a man. And if I can't provide, that means I don't love them. And that means that if I'm cheating and I continuously am cheating and cheating until I get caught, that means that I don't love myself. I don't love them nor do I love God. So see, I do not believe and I've never met a 100% faithful man that is not 100% surrendered to the will and the call from God on his life. I've never met. Now there's some guys that say, oh, I'm 100% faithful and I'm an atheist or whatever. But for some man, they're faithful just because they're insecure. So they finally got a woman that accepts the size of their penis or accepts their shortcomings or accepts their quirkiness or their social awkwardness. And they are so traumatized by the experiences they've had with women that they don't want to test the field because they don't wanna be rejected anymore. And they finally found a woman to accept them, their weight or their height or their penis size or the way they think, the way they smell, the way they dress, and they don't wanna test that. They don't wanna lose that. So that could be so great that it can keep a man faithful too. But I've seen a lot of overweight men cheat. I've seen a lot of other men cheat. I've seen a lot of undesirable or irresponsible, whatever you wanna call it. Men that seem like, that men that I feel should feel lucky and privileged to have the woman that they have, they cheat on. Celebrity example, the dream. Now, the dream got Christina Milion. He had Christina Milion and that one was every man's dream. And then he was called cheating on her. It's like, buddy, have you, when you ever had a woman look like Christina Milion, man, and you gonna cheat on her? Are you kidding me? Are you serious? For real? But you know, it happens sometimes. I believe it was said, Shaq cheated on Shawnee O'Neill. It's like Shaq, come on now. You got this beautiful woman and you ain't the greatest looking thing in the world now, brother. Now I ain't talking bad about you, but still you ought to feel privileged. You got this woman. But cheating happened. So see, you see it. You see it. And you know some women that have cheated on a good man, that have taken a good man for granted and cheated on him because she thought he was boring or something. You know, it happens. So guess what? A man can be 100% faithful, but me personally, from my studies and I've studied thousands of men, I've never known a man to be 100% faithful unless he was 100% surrendered to the will of God. I say that honestly. And you know what? I've had so many clients, so many clients tell me about their boyfriend or their husband. I know for a fact, Tony, he will never cheat. This man will never. I was just talking to my wife last night about one of my clients that said to me, my man will never, I am sure, Tony, this if any out of all the men that I've talked to, this is the one man that I am sure he will not cheat. And I say it to myself. I say she don't know what she's saying because she doesn't realize that love is a moral decision. Love is based on morals. So if your man lacks moral integrity, then cheating is simple for him. If he watches pornography, if he curses like a sailor, if he's still marking his body up with tattoos from head to toe, if he goes to the strip club, if he's still going to the club, if he's still masturbating, if he hanging with single men that do those things, his company does those things, he is susceptible to cheating. And nine or 10 times he's going to cheat because cheating is the easiest thing for a man to do. See, when I wasn't drinking, smoking, cursing, I didn't drink, smoke, curse, club or any of that, but I was cheating. Why? Because sex is the easiest thing. That's natural for a man. So you have to first gain the control in other areas of your life before you can gain the control to not cheat. But if you're doing anything, it's gonna be having sex and sleeping around. Everything else comes easy. Once you learn how to contain yourself cheating, then the rest of your morals will be in order. But it's no way you're gonna deny yourself from cheating and then get drunk, that don't go together. That's backwards. No, you're gonna have to control to be responsible enough not to be drinking and in the club and making immoral decisions. Before you get the wisdom and the strength and be able to be 100% faithful. Understand that. Understand that. So if you wanna know if a man is capable of being faithful, look at his morals. Look at his habits because his habits will tell you a lot about his life. Please understand that. Why some men find it easy to leave a woman. Some of you, you broke up with this guy and you're asking yourself, he doesn't even call me. He hasn't wrote me. He hasn't asked me to be with him. He hasn't said anything to me about getting back together. I do not understand it. Guess what? That's because the relationship was over months ago. That's because he took his heart out of it months ago and that's because he's been cheating on you for months. And if you've been together years, it could've been for years that he's been cheating on you. He's been looking for your replacement from the third month in the relationship. But he couldn't find her. And now that he's finally found her, now he's gone. And he's telling you, oh, I had to leave. Some of you don't know about, some of you, the boy broke up with you and you don't, to your knowledge, he doesn't have another woman. Oh, he got another woman. He can leave you to be alone. That don't make no sense. A man just does not do that. We're not built like that. If we leave you, it's so that we could sleep around or so we can be with somebody else. Nine out of 10 times. Now there may be exceptions. And like I say, understand this. And everything I say, there are exceptions to the rule, but you cannot base your life off exceptions. Guess what? There's been somebody that has ran a red light and went across the intersection while the cross traffic had the green light and they didn't get killed. They didn't get in a wreck. What are you gonna do that 100 times? No, because that is an exception. That is not the rule. So understand that just because there had, that you know for a fact, a man has left a woman and didn't get another woman and he left a woman to get closer to God or to work on himself, just because you know that does not mean that's a rule. That's an exception. Cause for every one man that you know, I can show you 50 men that left a woman for another woman. We see it in the media, like Swiss Beats did with Shonda. Reggie Bush did it to Kim. And I'm sure you could think a lot more examples. I can't thank everybody, but we've seen all these relationships. They go from one person to the next. One person to the next. One person to the next. Kim Kardashian did it to her husband. To, what's the name? Chris Humphries. Enough Chris Humphries and went right to Kanye. Just like that. So it happens when you have to wonder why he's not calling you and why it seems like he doesn't care. It's because he doesn't care. And it's because he has another one, but see here's what happened. This is what I call an upgrade rule. A man knows early in a relationship if you can be his wife. If he doesn't propose to you, and I think I'm gonna talk about this later. If he doesn't propose to you within 12 months, then he's looking for your upgrade. And when you find your upgrade, he leaves you for the upgrade. What happens sometimes is the upgrade turns out to be a downgrade, but he wasn't close enough to her at first to know that she was a downgrade. So everything about her looked like an upgrade. Then he gets close. He gets behind closed doors. He gets in close quarters. And then he realizes, okay, wow, she's a downgrade. And then he comes running back. A week later, a month later, two months later, three months later, a year later. He ran back because he left you for an upgrade. And then found out she was a downgrade and now he wants you back. He's sorry. As a man, if you did after us, nine out of 10 men wouldn't accept you back. Now women, lots of y'all accept a man back. I got ex-girlfriend, you know? And a large part of me feels like if I went to her, if I got divorced from my wife and I went to her and I just became and I pleaded to her and you know, and you know, and all that, she might take me back. It's a 90% chance. I say 70%, it's a 70% chance she may take me back. Why do I say that? Because I see it happen every single day. Every single day as a relationship coach. I'm coaching all day long. And I see every single day this woman that's been cheated on, been cursed out, been dogged out, get left by the man. He leaves her and then comes back and gets her back. And I'm like, are you serious? To a man, that makes absolutely no sense. We just don't understand how y'all do it. But that just shows you how you're wired differently and so emotional that you can forgive like that. I'm here to tell you today, stop forgiving like that. Stop playing the fool. Stop playing the fool in this man's script. Please don't play the fool. So that's why he left so easy. Sex before marriage can hurt you. To be honest with you, it's just a sex before marriage will hurt you. And here's the reason why. There's benefits to abstinence. The benefit to abstinence is that if you keep your legs closed, if a man really likes you, he'll wait on you. I see it every day. So I'm here to tell you he will wait regardless of what he says regardless of how hard he tries to talk you out of the sex. If you have decided to wait until marriage, he will wait if he likes you. If he leaves you, that means that you didn't have the entire package for him anyways and he was going to leave you regardless. Or he was going to be with you, get married to you and cheat on you anyways. So there is no benefit to sex before marriage. I hate to say it. I know a lot of you are against it. I know a lot of you feel grown. You can have sex if you want to. And a lot of you say, oh, well, what if I want to have sex? Guess what? You need to work on that. Stop being horny. And you need to be responsible. And you need to be respectable of yourself. That's the most prized possession on your body behind your mind. Your mind is the next. And then your heart is second. So that's your third most prized possession. What's between your legs and to a man? That's your first most prized possession to most men. So what I need you to understand is you need to respect yourself. If you knew you had rubies meeting between your thighs, why would you give rubies to a bum? And when I say a bum, I mean a man that is not worth your rubies. That's worth millions of dollars. Why would you give your precious jewels to a bum? Why would you do that? The Bible says don't cast your pearls amongst pigs to be trodden about under their feet and then turn and attack you. Ooh, that can be related to a lot of men. You giving him your pearls. And then he walks all over you and attacks you with his behavior, with his words, sometimes physically with his fists. And you didn't gave him your pearls. Look here. Sister, keep your pearls. Keep your pearls. You don't have to tell him I said it because then I might have to swang on because he might get mad with me. And yes, I wanna be Christ-like, but I am not Christ. I will swang if he jump bad. So you don't have to tell him I told you, but I'm telling you, keep your pearls. And guess what? You might lose 100 men, but guess what? You're gonna get the one that matters. You're gonna get the one that matters. As soon as a man asks about sex, you let him know I'm abstaining. I'm abstaining to a marriage. And if I'm not the one, if I'm not worth the wait, if you can't wait on to a marriage, then I'm not good enough for you. I'm not the woman you want. I'm not the woman you need. So guess what? In this day and time, it is realistic to expect a man to wait. A lot of people don't believe that, but it's realistic. And no man, I might be the only man besides pastors who have to be politically correct. I might be the only man that'll say this publicly. And I say it publicly in every interview I do. And pastors will say it if they're talking publicly, but I coach a lot of women that's dating pastors and deacons that's trying to get them to have sex. So a lot of pastors don't even want you to wait if they're single. Now they could tell you to wait if it ain't gonna benefit them. And a lot of people can say, well, oh Tony, well that's why you telling me to wait because you ain't worried about it. But look, that may be true. But one thing I do know, one thing I do know is that if you got what it takes, like my wife, if she would have made me wait until marriage, I would have waited. As long as she made me wait, I waited. And that was longer than I had ever waited in my life. But she made me wait longer than I had ever waited. So it was to me, it felt like waiting until marriage. So when I had her, she already had my heart anyways because she was worthy of the wait. So wait and wait as long as you possibly can. And I believe that if you wait as long as you possibly can as a woman, marriage will come before you get weak enough to have sex. And if you get weak enough to have sex, whatever comes after that, you brought it upon yourself because you stepped outside of the way it was supposed to be, the way God intended it to be. And for every choice, there's a consequence. And if he had sex with you three years in, for one, you shouldn't be dating a man three years in, especially if you ain't having sex. If he don't know you, his husband by then, unless you're in college or high school, but if you've grown, we're gonna talk about that a little later. But you have to know that you're worth the wait. I'm telling you, because I'm coaching this every day and I'm seeing it happen and I'm seeing it work. I see professional athletes. I had no professional athletes. That's the most doggish men y'all think. Y'all think professional athletes, the doggish men in the world, because they make millions of dollars. But I know professional athletes waiting on their woman until marriage, because she doesn't wanna wait. I mean, because she wants to wait until marriage. So trust me when I tell you, it is realistic. Signs you're moving backwards, not forward. If you've been with a man two, three years and he hasn't proposed, you're moving backwards. An engagement should last 12 months. A man knows early. Once a man sees how you look, he's evaluated your body. He sees how big your breasts are. He sees how big your thighs and your butt are, how big your stomach is, how big your face, your lips, your nose, your ears. He's evaluated your head and toe. He saw your hands, he saw your feet. And he approves of those things. He's still there, okay? Then after that, he hears your goals, your dreams. If he's still there, he's approved of those. Then after that, he hears your morals. What you will and won't do, what you will and won't compromise. After that, he hears your morals, your values. If he's still there after that, if he's still there, guess what? Guess what? After that, he knows whether he can marry you or not. A man, typically, it's really one real, two real reasons why a man waits to get married. One is because he's saying he's not financially stable. And two is so he can sow his wilds. Because he's just not sure if you're the one and he wants to leave the option open to meet other women, to talk to other women if he wants to, to meet other women if he wants to, to sleep with other women if he wants to. That's the only other reason. A genuine man, his reason would be because he's not financially ready to be a husband. And he wants to be able to provide holy for you. You have to respect him for that. But if money means nothing, you have your own money and you have to speak into his life and say, look, say, look, your money means nothing to me. As long as we got love, we felt it rich. I don't care if you making a million on whether you making a dollar. As long as you working hard and you doing the best that you can do and you serving God and you in line with God and you submitting surrender to God and you a man of character, your money means nothing to me, rich or poor, better or worse. Your money means nothing. You gotta express that. And when you speak that into his life, I believe he'll believe you. You date for a year. After that year, within that second year an engagement needs to be coming. An engagement, talks of marriage need to happen. An engagement needs to happen. When you get engaged, within that next year, marriage needs to happen. Unless it's something you know and you know your situation. Unless it's like, okay, we wait until we finish school. We wait until we live in the same city. You know, things like that. Don't postpone your marriage for a wedding. If you wait until you have the money for a wedding, you trip because that's just one day that you going into debt anyways. Plan a marriage, not a wedding. A lot of people plan for the wedding but don't plan for the marriage. Me and my wife didn't have a wedding. We went to the courthouse. That's what real love is. If you go to the courthouse, that's real love. If you absolutely have to, 100% have to have a wedding, you ain't looking for love, you're looking for a fairytale. You ain't looking for love, you're looking for a fairytale. So understand that. 12 and 12, 12 months dating, 12 months engaged. In the next 12 months, that third year, marriage needs to happen. If not, you become a career dator and you're wasting your time. Now understand, there are exceptions to this rule. Those exceptions would be like we're freshmen in college, we're freshmen in high school, things like that, that you're engaged for five years. But if, guess what, that ring and that marriage is gonna come a whole lot faster if you're working on yourself and you've got yourself in order, you got your body in order, you got your mind in order, you got your goals in order. So you've worked on yourself and you're keeping your legs closed. If that man is serious, that ring is gonna come a whole lot faster. But if your legs open, he has no incentive to put a ring on your finger. He has no incentive to marry you. And ladies, guess what? Cause I've heard a couple of ladies say, well, what if I don't wanna get married? What if I don't want marriage? Everybody don't want marriage. What if I don't want marriage? Guess what? You don't wanna marry him because you know he's not the one. Be honest with yourself. You done been cheated on or he's inconsiderate, he's rude, he's insecure, he's immature, and you'll pop out as kids. You'll have sex with him or have kids, but you don't wanna marry him. Why? Cause you don't wanna be locked down or because you got more money than he does and you don't want him to get any of your money and you don't wanna ask for a prenup. It's either that or you're saying you don't wanna be married. Why? Because you feel like marriage is cursing, like all marriage is ending in divorce anyways, and you only feel like that cause you've been brainwashed by this wicked society where if you do it God's way, then you don't have to worry about your marriage, breaking of God with the sin of your marriage, then you don't have to worry about your marriage ending in divorce. You don't have to worry about that. If you submitted to God and he submitted to God, now if you're an atheist or you're a non-believer, okay, I'm sorry for you. I hope everything else in the book helps you, but this is not for you because marriage was created by God. God is love, God created love in the union between man and woman, so he ordains it and he's what strengthens it, he's what sustains it. So if you put God at the center of your relationship, you don't have to worry about divorce. So for you ladies that say you don't want marriage, that don't make no sense because your mother, Eve, the mother of the earth was created for marriage. She was created solely for a man. So don't get called up because you were born to love. You were created to love, yeah, it's okay. It's okay to be the president. It's okay to make six figures. It's okay to be the CEO. It's okay, but understand, make sure you get out of life what you were put here for and that's for us to love because the greatest gift from God is love. Don't deny yourself love, chasing financial gain, chasing accolades that you're gonna die and leave on earth. Experience love. Don't push love away. Talking about you don't want marriage and really that's insecurity speaking because you know you dreamed of Cinderella wet. You know you dreamed of what dress you're gonna wear. You know you dreamed of meeting your husband but somewhere along the line, your heart was broken. Your hope was broken. Your trust was broken and you was tricked into believing that it's your place to chase money and to get accolades and to get degrees and to do all of that and marriage is irrelevant today. Marriage isn't the goal. If marriage isn't the goal, I don't know why you're dating. It makes absolutely no sense. Dating without marriage being the goal is like, dating without marriage being the goal is like doing business without a contract. Sit on that. You shouldn't do anything without a goal. Now see guess what? See marriage is not only, it's power in signing the dotted line as we're talking about sealing the deal. It's power in signing the dotted line. That's why we sign a contract because you put your word on it. You say this is my word. This is what I'm sticking about. This is what it's going to be. It's power in that. You need to understand that. If you don't understand that, you're cheating yourself. You're cheating yourself. You're lying to yourself and I need you to hear me. I need you to feel me on this. What marriage does, and I don't believe in pre-numps even if I'm a billionaire. The reason why is because marriage is a union until death do us part and if you're gonna get in, you need to be all in. You don't need to have a backup plan. You got plan A and that's it. If you got plan B then you plan to fail. And guess what? When you plan to fail, typically you're gonna fail. That's why a lot of marriages that have a pre-nump end in divorce because they plan to fail before they got started. But here's the way I see it. Here's the way I see it. If I'm gonna marry you, then you good enough for me to be with for the rest of my life. And if I'm gonna marry you and take you off the market so that no other man can have you, if I cheat on you, then you deserve to have half. If I cheat on you, you deserve to have half. Now if you cheat on me and we get a divorce, then you don't get half anyways. In most states by law, unless it's Florida, no false state. So and but look, here's the thing is that if you feel like they're gonna cheat on you and then divorce you and then get half of your money, then you shouldn't marry him. See, you got to love with no intentions of being hurt. And you also have to love like you've never been hurt. That's word from my father. My father taught me that when I was changing my life in the age of 23 and I was learning love from him, he said, son, you got to love like you've never been hurt. So I want you to understand with marriage, you deserve to lose half if you cheat. If a man cheats on you, he deserves a little half. I wouldn't, if I was you, I wouldn't marry a man if he wanted to pre-nump. Cause they say, look, if you want to pre-nump, that mean you don't believe we can be together till death do us part. That means that you don't trust me and there is no relationship is there is no trust. So you can take your pre-nump and you can walk because guess what? If he wants to pre-nump nine out of 10 times, guess what? If I want to pre-nump, that's because I plan on cheating on you and I plan on walking away without you getting anything. And I'm gonna put some stipulations in that pre-nump to where I could walk away, to where if I know this going down the drain, I'd know it by the end of year one, year two, year three. So I got in the pre-nump that you don't get X amount of money until year five. So I'm divorcing you year four and I've been cheating on you since year one. Hmm, I'm telling you, I'm bringing you the whole truth, nothing but the truth, the unadulterated truth. Do you hear me? That's what I'm trying to give you. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, this the whole truth. And that's my mindset if I'm a man, if I wanna pre-nump, it's cause I'm planning to fail. It's because I know we won't work, but I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this for society. I'm doing it just to say I did it. I'm doing it for a new contract. I'm doing it for some pats on the back. I'm doing it to please my mom and my dad while they're still living. If I know they're gonna die in the next two years or the next few years, I'm gonna divorce you after they gone if I'm asking for a pre-nump. But if I know that until death do us part and I know you the one, I don't care about a pre-nump. And I've heard a many good men say that. Now a grown boy ain't gonna never tell you that. It's a lot of women that believe in pre-nump, but why? Ask yourself why? You saying, well, what if he cheat? I don't want him getting half of my money. If you think he gonna cheat on you, you shouldn't be with him anyways. If you can't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. But when you get married, the two become one. So if you get married and it don't work out, that was a decision that you made. You chose to lie down with that person. You chose to sign a dotted line with that person. So guess what? If that means losing half, you deserve to lose half because with every choice comes the consequence. So you have to get enough knowledge going in so that you make the right choice. And I guarantee you, if you judge a man by his character, if you learn the red flags and you pay attention to the red flags, you're gonna know if a man is not worth marrying. Believe me, when I tell you, you're gonna know that. So ladies understand, it's time when you're in a relationship and you together, you gotta seal the deal. And one way to do it is if you've been having sex, one way to seal the deal is to close your legs. Close your legs. Close your legs. I guarantee you say, you know what? I just don't wanna have sex anymore. We just, we're going in circles, you know? I don't wanna be a jump-off. I don't wanna be a girlfriend. I don't wanna be a friend with benefits and that's all I am right now. I wanna be a wife. And if I'm not good enough to be your wife, then please move on out of my life because you're wasting my time. You gotta be that real. And I guarantee you, if he loves you, he will marry you. And he won't feel forced. And if he marries you and he cheats on you, you can't blame yourself. You can't blame yourself because he was irresponsible. You can't blame yourself. You can't feel like you forced to coerce him into marriage. You can't feel like that. My wife, I knew when she got pregnant, I married her at five months because she told me, don't call me no baby mom. I'm not your baby mom. And she got real quiet. She got real shut off. She got real shelter and I say something ain't right. But I could feel it just because she was about to have a baby out of wedlock and I knew she was wife material. So I put a ring on her finger. You gotta let a man know you wife material if you really feel wife material. And marriage ain't just, marriage really too is about being in right standing with God because sex outside of marriage is sin. So if you wanna have sex all the rest of your life without being married, you obviously don't plan on, you obviously don't plan on going to heaven because your fornicator ain't in and into the kingdom. You see what I'm saying? So if you believe marriage ain't a golden you obviously don't believe in God's teaching. And if that's the case, you got this in error. You got the wrong recording. You didn't know much about me and you just bought this because if you know anything about me, you know I'm a devout Christian and I love the Lord. And what I'm teaching is God's blueprint for love, not man's blueprint. I ain't teaching Barack Obama blueprint for love. I ain't teaching Oprah blueprint for love. I ain't teaching Ellen DeGeneres blueprint for love. I'm teaching God's the creator of man blueprint for love. How to escape a relationship that won't work. We come into a close. We are coming to a close. How to escape a relationship that won't work. You have to plan and exit strategy. So if you're in a relationship and you know it's not going anywhere, you know he's cheating. You know he's controlling. You know he's abusive. You know he's immature. You know he's not the one. You gotta plan your exit. If you live together, guess what? You gotta get a job. If you haven't been working, you gotta get a job. You gotta say, you know what? I'm tired of sitting in the house. I have to get a job. Now if he doesn't want you to get a job and you demand that you're gonna get a job, then he gonna leave you and problem solved. Otherwise, oh, he gonna try to beat you. I mean you call the police on him. He going to jail, problem solved. Otherwise, he gonna let you get a job. You know you get a job. He's still gonna pay the bills cause he wanna be the provider. But everything you can, you save it up. Just all you need is first and last month's rent. Now if you got a best friend, they got an extra room or you got a mother or a father, somebody that lives nearby, then you don't have to save up money to move out. You can just move with them. And your exit strategy. That means either you can talk to them in a public environment and try to express it to them. He might cry, he might scream, he might yell. You just gotta make sure that this man doesn't have a history of violence. If he has a history of violence or you sense any type of violent behavior, any type of violent, anything, then you gotta be very careful and you just have to leave and still a night. We gotta leave when he's at work. We gotta leave when he's out of town and get somewhere where you cannot be found. And once you leave, you can never come back because when you leave a bitter man, a controlling, abusive man, if you come back, you're going to pay a price. And that price might be your life. So when we see a dead woman on the news, it's because she had an abusive man that she saw the red flags and she was getting beat and she kept getting beat and she kept staying. And then one day he just lost it. He got out of control or she told him she was getting ready to leave. She gave him her playbook. Don't show him your plays, make your plays. That means make moves. So either go stay with somebody or either get a job and save up the money and make a move and go. Do not be weak, do not come back. Do not, if he had all this time to change and still hasn't changed, no sense in you coming back. It's somebody else that can love you and treat you the way you deserve to be loved and to be treated. Understand that, understand that. So get a strategy and take off. I got clients that have left in the middle of the night. Clients that have left when he went out of town on business. Clients that have left when he went to work. My wife told me the story about her mom with her ex and she, so he woke up one morning and then it rolled and the moving trucks was there. The moving trucks were there. So he was boohoo crying and hurting and everything and I ain't saying no names. So if you feel like, if it happened to you ex, if you happen to hear this, I ain't saying you the one, it could have been another ex. So don't feel like I'm talking about you. But it just, you know, when you think about it, now this guy, when you stand up to leave, oh, that's when he wanna sit down and listen. Now that's how men are. When you stand up to leave, we wanna sit down and listen. When you get the strength to leave, now we wanna boohoo cry. Now we wanna boohoo cry in bed, boohoo. But we never had a year, two years to get it right, to get it together. You didn't left for 24 hours before I came back and we gave you the same old crap all over again. Guess what? When you plan to leave, you gotta leave. So that is a wrap. That is a wrap for us. That's a wrap on us. We are, I've just went over that right there. That's a wrap on that section. You have to know, get out, stay out. Get out, stay out. And we are, we're moving right along. We're moving right along. It's a few more things we have to touch on. This is so real, so intense. I want you to get your money's worth. But see, this worths so much more than any amount of money you can pay because it's priceless. Because what I want this to do is attract real love into your life. Keep real love if you have it and for you to get rid of a toxic relationship if you don't have real love. So one thing about this relationship, when you're in this relationship, how do you keep this relationship? How do you communicate in this relationship? You need to realize that communication is like oxygen to a relationship. Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, it dies. That's one of my quotes. Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, it dies. What is effective communication? Effective communication is using I feel statements. Using I feel statements at least one hour after the incident. So when the incident happens, don't jump right into the discussion. Wait an hour so you can breathe, you can think, you can take time. When you talk, you use I feel statements. In this communication, you are seeking to understand, not be understood. You're seeking to understand before. I don't wanna say not be understood, but you seek to understand before being understood. So that means you wanna hear where he's coming from and what he's saying and what does he mean, and really listen to it. Instead of saying, what, what, and ask him over and over and over, he's already giving you the answer, break it down. And if the answer's not good enough, then leave. If the answer's not good enough, then leave. If not, then stay. If it's good enough and he's expressed to the best of his capability, then you gotta make a decision. Is this good enough or not? If not, then leave. Cause guess what? If you cheat on me and I asked you why and your explanation ain't good enough and I don't see any fault in why you cheated, I don't realize and understand. I can't see my error in my ways and what I did to push you out of the house on me. Guess what? I'm gone. I am gone. I'm out of there. So I urge answer and I'm gone. I forgive you, but I'm finna forget you too. You are forgiven and you are forgotten. I'm out of there. I tell my wife that now, I'm on the road. But when I'm home, I treat her, I treat her like a queen. I do right for it. That's why I gotta finish this recording here in the next eight minutes cause I gotta be off at five cause the night is her date night. A lot of family night, family night, all weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And I treat her like a queen. I put her first and I'm 100% faithful to her. If I ever find out she cheating on me at this point, at this stage in our life with the way that I treat her, oh, I'm gone. She ain't gotta worry about another word. I ain't gonna lift my hand. She ain't gotta worry about nothing. I'm out of there. I'm out of there. And guess what? She cheated. We're in a no false state. So if she get half, she can have half. I do not care. She can have half. I'll pay her alimony too. I'll pay her alimony to be out of my life. But I ain't gonna be with no cheater. And see, that's how a lot of men feel. A lot of women aren't like that though. Y'all gotta get some more backbone though. You gotta love yourself more. So now realizing this communication, he has expressed why he cheated. Or why he talking to this woman on Facebook, you gotta decide whether the answer's good enough and you gotta live with it. If you accept it, guess what? You gotta move forward. You gotta forgive and forget. And forget means you cannot remind him anymore. If you keep reminding him, you didn't forgive him. And if you can't forgive him, that means you don't need to be with him. But if you're gonna forgive him, forgive him and forget it. Meaning don't remind him anymore. Effective communication is listening. Listening, that means not just hearing, but listening and comprehending what the person is saying. Share this part and this is the only part you need to share with your man. If you got a man or when you get a man. So he knows. Listening, not just hearing. See, we can hear stuff but not be listening to it. Listen. A lot of times in communication, we just sit and we're not listening. We're hearing but we're waiting for them to shut up so that we can say what we feel is important. I heard one of my teachers, Zig Zigla, say that. We're just listening, waiting till they shut up so we can say what we feel is important. That's not communication. That's not effective communication. In communication, you don't want to call a person out of the name. Never call a person out of their name. Never curse. Cursing incites violence. Cursing incites violence. The more a person curses, the less sensitive they become to their behavior. Cursing always is a precursor to physical violence. To physical violence or verbal abuse. Cursing leads that. Don't call a person out of their name. Do not curse at them and guess what? Another part of communication which is very, very important. Do not yell. Do not yell because that incites violence and when you yell, no one is hearing one another. Do not talk over one another. You should share time. You talk and for the amount of time you talk, you need to be willing to listen for that amount of time. I need you to understand that. Don't over talk. Arguing is not communicating. Some people say arguing is healthy for a relationship. That's a lie from the pit of hell. Arguing is not communication. Arguing is noise. You need to sit down and have a dialogue. That means to adults. That means taking turns talking. That means using I feel statements. That means listening intently. That means responding responsibly. That means responding instead of reacting. A response is positive. A reaction is negative. So that means you need to listen and you need to respond responsibly. And then when you are done talking about it and both sides have been expressed, then both parties need to go back to themselves and sit with themselves for a period of time. You decide five, 10, 15, 20 minutes, an hour or a day. Sit by yourself. Talk to yourself in silence and ask yourself is your partner's explanation for what happened for this incident? Is this understandable? Is it forgivable and then move forward? And if you decide that you've come to terms and that you can agree to move forward and you have to move forward without bringing it up again, that is communication. Not arguing, not yelling, not cursing. And I say this and so you know, oh, you don't yell, you don't curse. Oh, he think he better than me. Oh, that's what your boyfriend's saying. Oh, like he ain't never cursed. Oh, like he ain't never been mad. Yes, I've been mad. Yes, I've been toxic controlling abusive boyfriend. Yes, I've been those things, but I was a grown boy. Now that I'm a grown man, I learn how to communicate and this is how I communicate. Me and my wife never yell, never yell. I can't remember the last time. It's been years since I've yelled at my wife and I've never cursed at my wife. I've never called my wife out of her name in an argument. Never call her out of her name with the intentions to hurt her or to belittle her, never, ever. And that has helped our marriage, that has strengthened our marriage and that is a part of the reason why our marriage is successful. Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, it dies. That's an original quote. You can quote me on that. How to keep your husband from cheating. I know some of you dropped your mouth right there. Oh, that's my job to keep a man from cheating. I can't keep a man from cheating. I can't keep a man from cheating. What I look like, genie in a bottle. What I look like, Jesus Christ. I can't keep a man from cheating. You are absolutely right. You cannot keep a man from cheating. You cannot keep him from cheating. But there are some things that you can do that can deter him from cheating. Number one is respect self. That's everything that I've explained this whole time because if you do not respect yourself, if a man can yell at you and curse at you, then guess what? He feels he can cheat on you. If he can beat on you, he can cheat on you. That's what he feels. So when you respect yourself, you show him that if I won't put up with this little stuff like yelling and cursing and calling me out of my name, coming in the house late, then you definitely know I'm not gonna put up with cheating. My wife did that to me. That's why she doesn't get cheated on. Number two is occupy time. You need to know her schedule. And when he's not at work and he's not doing things that are scheduled, things that you know he has to do, school, work, that's really the only two things, school and work. And grown men really don't do guys' nights out. And if you do a guys' night out, it's something that you can, somewhere you can go. The only guys' night out need to be in the barbershop. When you go to the barbershop, that's guys' time. Outside of that, grown men don't need to have no guys' night out. That don't make no sense. Guys' night out mean we sit not looking at other women. Unless it's a business meeting and we planning about the next business move, then a guys' night out is looking at and talking about other women. Or we telling you out with the guys, but we really out with our side woman. Occupy his time. Know what he has to do, when he has to do it and when he's supposed to be home. And if he's not home at that time, he needs to answer to you. And if he continues to do it, then guess what you need to be gone. You need to be gone. And I need you to realize that. I want you to realize that, get that in you. Understand that. So the next thing is remain unpredictable. What this means is don't get lulled to sleep. Don't get complacent. If you get complacent, you will get replaced. That's the original quote you can quote me. I gotta hurry up, cause it's five o'clock and I gotta get going. If you get complacent, you will get replaced. Don't get in a relationship and put on 20 pounds and feel okay with it. Don't get in a relationship. And you come in a relationship all beautiful with your long hair and then chop your hair off and wear a fro and just think it's okay. If you chop your hair off, he need to agree to it first. Don't just let him come home when they're in all your hair gone. He need to agree. That's your husband. Y'all have to agree on changes. If he met you one way, he wants you to be that way. I got a lot of women right now as clients that are not getting the love that they once got from their man and the reason why is because they didn't got in a relationship and they ain't wait. They didn't got in a relationship and chopped off all the hair without a permission. You know, they used to have this long flowing hair and now she wanna go natural. And okay, I understand it, but you need to get your man to understand too. Show him the reports about the formaldehyde from the relaxers or whatever you need to show him so that he understands that this could be hindering your body, this could be shortening your lifespan and that this can hinder your kids that's gonna come out of you, you know, and help him understand that if you wanna go natural. And that even with that, he has to agree. He has to agree because at that point, you're no longer your own and it has to be vice versa. So the same thing with him and he can't have a double standard. He can't go and put on 50 pounds if you want him to stay in the shape that he was when you met him. You know, you got a whole one another accountable. Remain unpredictable. What that also means for grown women, for married women, women I'm talking to, that means, you know, you got to switch it up in the bedroom on your husband sometime. You just got to switch it up. If you used to be in the one that waits on him to make the move, then you make the move. If you're the one that always make the move, then next, then you just put on some sexy lingerie and you wait on him to make the move. I know it's called lingerie. You put on some sexy lingerie and you wait on him to make the move. Remain unpredictable. Now stay beautiful. See, once in a while, she'll kind of ask me about a hair color or whatever and I'll agree to it and then she'll change your hair color. That's remaining unpredictable. You know, get new designs on the nails. That's remaining unpredictable. Having different types of outfits. So you can have a form fitting dress but you also got a maxi dress. Also got some jeans and some nice nikes. You know, got a shirt to show a little cleavage. You got a shirt to come up to the neck. You know, remain unpredictable. Last thing, nothing is for sure, but it's worth the shot. These three things my wife has perfected and it just keeps me on my toes and it just keeps me so focused on her that I don't have time to think about another woman or think about cheating. So that's not a hundred percent. Now somebody say, well, what if you did all that and he's still cheating? Okay, it's not your fault. That means you can walk away and say I did everything that I could do to please that man. He still didn't see my word. So guess what? He doesn't deserve me. Move on. Next, don't get trapped in a burning house. We really, we touched on this earlier but this is actually another part in the book and it goes hand in hand. Signs that it's time to leave. If he's cheating, it's time to go. If he cursing you out every week, it's time to go. If he's yelling at you every week, it's time to go. If you had to cut off your best friends and your family, it's time to go. If he's telling you what you can and can't wear, it's time to go. If he's put hands on you, it's time to go. Any of those things under any circumstance and then there's no excuses, there's no exceptions, it's time to go. It's time to go. Obey your conscience. Trust your intuition. Trust your intuition. A woman's intuition has never been wrong in judging me and I was a smooth operator. I mean, I was a player. I was a smooth operator but when a woman's intuition judged me, when any one of my girlfriends judged me or my wife, judged me from their intuition, they were always right. But one thing that we do as men is we talk you out of your intuition. We make you think you crazy. You think you crazy. You think you psycho. You think you being too hard. You think you, you know, psycho, you know, you stalking. You feel like a stalker because we make you feel that way. We make you feel a slap crazy. But you know before you allowed us to make you feel crazy, you felt with every bone and every fiber in your body that we were cheating. So you gotta trust your intuition. A woman's intuition does a lot. Trust your intuition, then do the research in the background and find out that you're right. Then present it to them. It's the first time I've presented to them. Give them a second chance. Give them a second chance. If it's cheating, give them a second chance and then make sure you never does it again. And if you feel it again later down the line, he might not try it again for six months or a year or he may never try it again, but you gotta evaluate them. Evaluate them every six months. Just make sure he on track. Do you research, check things again. A man's phone should never be locked. It should never be locked unless he feels like the only reason his phone should be locked is he got naked pictures of you in there. He's scared that his phone might, he might lose his phone. That's the case and don't send him naked pictures of you. Or if he just on the road, don't talk about your husband too now. Don't talk about your boyfriend. Stop giving boyfriend's husband benefits. That's just an extra. Don't treat a boyfriend like a husband. Don't be washing clothes on your boyfriend. Don't be having sex with your boyfriend. Don't be cooking dinner every night for your boyfriend. Don't treat a boyfriend like a husband. Benefits in marriage is no benefits in dating. Sorry, I had to go off track right now. So the man phone should not be locked. My phone got locked on it because I just did an update, but my wife got locked code. So if he does have it locked because he's afraid he may lose it, then you need to have the lock code. You should have every password to his social media. It's your husband, not your boyfriend. Your boyfriend does not, these benefits don't come in dating, only in marriage. So when it's just your boyfriend, you just kind of gotta, you gotta know that technically both of y'all are still single. Now, if y'all agree to be together and to be 100% exclusive, okay, now that's the contract. So now you can check some things. You can check some things to find out. Now, you gotta realize though, that's not your husband. So you violate his privacy, he might leave you. So you might've called him cheating and got left, but guess what? You gotta be okay with that. That just mean he was gonna leave you eventually anyways and that's why you're cheating on you anyway because you ain't really the one he wanna be with. He's still thinking something else out there for him. So you just gotta take it and try it. But obey your conscience. Obey your conscience. Listen to your conscience. Listen to your intuition. He shouldn't have a lock on his phone. He shouldn't, you should have all his passwords. You should be able to check those things and you gotta evaluate them every six months. If he doing the right thing, he got nothing to hide. My phone can sit face up because any woman that text message me, if she come at me out of pocket, she come and she from my past from a long time ago and my wife gonna be able to look and tell that there ain't no text history and that we ain't never had, we ain't had nothing. And if we did, it's from a long, long time ago when things were messed up in my life and things weren't going right. My phone can sit face up. She can have a passcode. She can see whatever in my phone, look through all my pictures. That's how it ought to be. And I can do the same thing with her. I see this quote all the time online and say, if you and your partner switch phones for a day, would you still be together? I would like to hope so. And matter of fact, I probably do that with my wife tomorrow. We're gonna switch phones for a day and see if we still gonna be together. I'm gonna let her read all my emails and all my text messages that come in and I'm gonna read all hers and see if we still gonna be together. I'm pretty sure we will be because we pretty much be together all day when we at home anyway. It's cause she don't work and I can work from home if I want to. So we be together and anything pop up on her phone. I see it, anything pop up on my phone, she see it. That's how it ought to be. And if it's not like that in your relationship, you're being cheated on, you're being lied to, you're being manipulated, you're being deceived, you're being beat on, you're being verbally abused, you're being controlled, you're being ruled. He ruling you. It feel like slavery, it feel like captivity instead of freedom, guess what? You end up burning house and you gotta get out. You are in a burning house and you have to get out. So ladies, I thank you so much. Thank you so much for being a part and for listening to investing in yourself. And I really hope that you listen to this and that you realize everything that I just talked today can save your life. It can change your life in the realm of relationships. There's other things that you can add to this. I have an entrepreneur university which is an audio download that's on my site that'll teach you how to build your business, how to build your following. The same way I built my follow-through 200,000, having over 20 streams of income. So if you're single and you need to do that, I have that for you, entrepreneur university. If you need some more practical and more relevant, you know, specific lessons on love, then I have the love school that's on my site as well. TonyGassen.com forward slash love school. That's an audio download, so you can get that as well. If you need to birth your book, I have the Birth Your Book program. You have a book in you. You've been hurt, you've been lied to, you've been raped, you've been molested, you've been left, you've been abandoned, you've been divorced, you've been through some things in your life and you have a story to tell, you have some wisdom to share, you have a message to share. You need to birth your book. You have to get that book out of you. I have the Birth Your Book program. It's on my site, TonyGascans.com forward slash birth of book, birth of book. Or you just go to my site, TonyGassen.com and find it. If you like doing what I'm doing right now, teaching people and helping people and you want to be a life coach and while you're single or even if you're married or even if you're dating and you would like to become a life coach, you would like to start changing lives, you would like to write a book, build your brand, become a life coach, then sign up for my life coaching certification program. It's life coaching certification program. It's nine weeks long. That's on my site too, TonyGascans.com, TGLCCP. TGLCCP, but if you just go to TonyGascans.com, you'll see all of my programs. And as you notice, what you'll know about me is I don't move junk. I don't sell junk. Everything is to take your life to the next level. I'm not a salesman, so I'm not gonna have this long sales page trying to convince you. You either know it's for you or not. And if it's not, okay, keep it moving. If it is, then partake in it and let it change your life. Let it help you go to the next level. So I really hope you understand what I'm trying to do here. And please take no offense to anything that I've said is from the heart and it's with love. And I say this not to impress you, but to impress upon you. When it comes to coaching a woman in a relationship, I have never once been wrong. Never once been wrong. As a professional or even when I was in amateur, I've never been wrong. So I'm here to tell you that if you take this advice, it will help you and it can help you. Now, I am a professional and I do advise that you make sure in your heart that it's something that you want to do. Because if you do take the advice and it doesn't work or it doesn't happen, you know, I will not be held accountable, could not be my fault. So make sure that it sits well with your spirit before you do it. But I can say it and I'm just only stating facts is that I have never been wrong in relationship coaching. I've never once had a person come back to me and say, I tried what you said and you were wrong. It didn't work. Now, I have had many people that said, Tony, you're full of it. I don't believe it. I'm not believing that it's not the truth. And they've came back six months or a year later and said, hey, you were right. You were absolutely 100% right. I apologize. You were so right. That has happened time and time again. And I say that to say that I'm not operating under my own will. I'm operating under the anointing of God that sent me. So this wisdom is not my wisdom because if it was my wisdom, then every 29-year-old man in the world that you meet would think the way that I think and live the way that I'd live and behave the way that I behave and put out products and projects the way that I put out if this was me. But it's none of me and all of God. And I want you to understand that. It is none of me and all of God. So don't feel like you're hearing from a 29-year-old man. Feel like you're hearing from someone that God has called and placed upon my heart to do this. And it hurts for me to do it. Why? Because I'm a man and I still have a flesh. And it hurts to know that men hate me and that men are mad at me. It hurts to know that I'm giving away the game and that I'm breaking the code, the guy code. But I gotta do it for the greater good of our world, for the greater good of our society, for the greater good of our families because that is what God intended. And that is why I do what I do. It is not about the fame. I could care less about fame. I really don't want fame. It is not about the fortune. I can care less. I don't chase money. Money chases me. Money doesn't rule me. I rule it. Money doesn't make me. I make money. And the thing is, all I'm doing is fulfilling purpose. And with that purpose comes a profit and that is a reward. But it is nowhere near as rewarding as hearing that my message touched and changed somebody's life because they began to love and respect themselves and they made a change in their life and it made a difference in their life. That means the most. That is the greatest payment of all. That is the greatest reward of all. So I thank you so much for listening to this. Please tell a friend about it. Please don't illegally send it. If you can stand it, have them investing themselves. If they don't have it, then yes, please share it with them. Please share it with them. Because when I say it's not about the money, I mean it. But I do ask that you not abuse it and send it out to your entire mailing list and share it with the world. Please, if they have the means to invest in themselves, allow them to invest in themselves because they will appreciate it much more. And only send it to people that you know that are ready, that are seeking for an answer. Don't try to force this on somebody that you know isn't ready. But if they ask you for some answer, say, hey, I wanna share this with you, this recording that I have from Tony Gaskins. I thank you all so very much. It has been so good talking to you. God bless you.