 And now, we bring to you the boss of our program who leaves for California tomorrow, Jack Benny. That's fine. I'm leaving for California tomorrow and they're playing Moon over Miami. Certainly fifth. Well, anyway, folks, Jell-O again. Hey, Jack, I thought you told us last Sunday that you were tired of saying Jell-O again. Now, can't you get something new? I could, Don, but you see, I'm identified with it. I mean, every radio artist is known by a line that he's made popular. Now, what do you mean? Well, if you were telling a story about radio people, you wouldn't say Kate Smith and Rudy Valley went over to see Fred Allen and ran into Ed Wynn, who came in with Ben Burney and so forth and so on. Well, what would you say, Jack? You'd say, hello, everybody, and hi-ho, everybody. Went to see Town Hall and so came in with Yowza, looked at how am I doing, big boy, and said, I'd like to spend this half hour with you. Then Jell-O again come in. That's me, Don, and met some Beatle who opened up a bottle. You see, you don't have to mention names. Well, I know, Jack, but how would you get me into that party? I mean, how would they know me? By the big red letters on your nose. Go ahead with the program, Jack. Oh, yes, we've got to get through with this. Here we are, leaving for California tomorrow, and I have to start packing my clothes and everything. Gee, Don, you don't know how things accumulate. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. I hear you're going to California to make a picture. Is that right? Yes, I am. Well, I represent the H&H Railroad. You have a company of nine people, and we can therefore make you a rate. Well, I was really thinking of going by air. Well, that's all right. This train is air conditioned, has air brakes, and goes through Arizona. That's enough air for anybody. Oh, not only that, but this is a scenic route. We go right through the Grand Canyon, the greatest site in the world. What time do you go through there? Midnight. Fine, I'll carry a search light. I suppose you go through the Holland Tube at noon. Oh, yes. Now, we can offer you a summer rate, especially priced round-trip tickets, good from May 25th till May 27th. Oh, it expires before I get to California. Well, yes, if you want to get technical. Well, I'll let you know. You see, I might want to drive out there. All right, Mr. Benny, but if you change your mind, our road will take care of you. Remember the H&H Railroad. Now, what road is that? Hoboken and Hollywood. Oh. Well, I'll... I'll remember that. Thank you. If you decide to use our road, Mr. Benny, I'd advise you to get a round-trip ticket. Why? Your picture might be bad. Some encouragement, huh? Hello, Jack. Who is that fellow? Oh, just a railroad agent. He wants us to take their road to California. Not me. I've already got my ticket. I'm going by way of Bermuda. Mary, Bermuda's in the Atlantic Ocean and California's on the Pacific. It is. I'll kill that salesman. Well, Mary, are you glad you're going back to the coast? Yeah. And you know, Jack, I'd like to stop off at Chicago and see the World's Fair. The World's Fair? That closed up two years ago. I told you it wouldn't last. Are you all packed and ready to go? Yes. Come in. Pardon me. I understand you folks are going to California. Is that right? Yes, yes. What do you want? Well, I represent the Nervous Aircraft Company. Why don't you fly there? Why don't you fly there? You're making a picture, not me. Now, here's a photograph of one of our planes. Look at those seats. Get that swimming pool. A swimming pool on a plane? Who are those girls? They're in the floor show. Well, that ought to be a pleasant trip. Not only that, but did you ever see it rain up at you? Rain up at me? Yes. We go over some of the most beautiful clouds you've ever seen. I suppose I'll have to stand in an umbrella. How long does it take to make the trip? We guarantee to get you to California in 18 hours or more. What do you mean, 18 hours or more? Well, you generally get stuck in Kansas for a few days. Say, Jack, maybe you can make your picture in Kansas. Well, sir, I'll think it over and let you know. Okay, when you make up your mind, give us a call. Hey, wait a minute. What type of airplane is that? A tri-motor. A tri-motor, huh? Yes, we try and try and can't get it off the ground. Well, when you do, give me a ring. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, Mary, why does California have to be so far away? They ought to do something about it in Washington instead of sitting there. But they can't change the country around. Nothing fits. Why don't they put South Dakota down South where it belongs? Well, for that matter, look where North Carolina is. Yeah, and what's West Virginia doing in the East? I don't know. And another thing, Jack, why, uh, why? Why what? Why owning it, don't bother me. Well, you started it. I didn't say anything. Come in. Uh, pardon me, folks, but I understand that you're going to California. Is that right? Yes, Wilson. What line do you represent? Here it comes. Yellow, I'd be sure to get a round trip ticket with stopovers of strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Well, well, and do you go through Kansas? And even Kansas says that Jell-O is the largest-selling gelatin dessert of the world and every day millions of people eat it. Fun, my word. Play, John. There was Kenny Biker singing No Regrice with Johnny Grine playing the accompaniment. Kenny Biker? Yes, Kenny. That's what they call you in England. Do you know anything about London? Sure. He's the governor of Kansas, isn't he? That's Landon. What are you laughing at, Mary? Landon Bridge is falling down, falling down. Quiet. All right. So, Jack, here's a fan letter for you. It just came by special delivery. A fan letter? Mm-hmm. Hmm, it's from right here in New York to the Bronx. See, it says, uh, dear Mr. Bene, I've been listening to you with my children week after week, and the way you talk all the time about Hollywood is a shame. All right, so Hollywood is nice. But what's the matter with New York? The way you leave out New York from your programs is very ignoring. All we hear from you is Hollywood, Hollywood. All right, so they make pictures there. But who looks at them? It's us. I wonder if I'm reading this right. So I'm asking, why don't you talk about New York once in a while? Signed Mrs. Luxon Zoo. Yes, fair. You know, Mary, she's right. Here's a city of seven million people, and we've completely ignored it. Yeah, let's do something that'll put New York on the map. Absolutely. Say, Kenny, before you came east, did you ever hear of New York? No, Jack. My father didn't tell me anything until I was 21. And how many more children are there around in the country like that? So immediately after the next number, ladies and gentlemen, we will show you New York City from Times Square to Columbus Circle, where men are men and women are fan dancers. The gay, white way, play, John. He's bringing his boys coming to you from the Paradox Cafe, Broadway and 49th Street, New York. Don't forget our $12 dinners and no cover charge. Hey, driver, let me off here at 47th and Broadway. I want to see the old gang again. Ah, good old Broadway. Look at those lights. And there's the palace. See, I remember years ago when I played here on the bill with W. S. D. Field, Fanny Bright, Walter Houston, and Shirley Temple. Ah, those were the good old days. Here's one of my pictures playing at the palace now. Ah, what crowds passing the palace. Here comes my pal, George M. Cohen. Hello, Georgie. Hiya, Rudy. No excuse for that in these bright lights. Hey, buddy, can you spare a dime for a cup of coffee? Are you sure it's coffee? Honest, mister. Well, here's 40 cents in case you change your mind. Thanks, you little mind reader. So long. That schnozzle can't fool me. Nope, I'm wrong. There he goes into the automatic. Think I'll drop in myself, see if I can find some of my old pals. Ah, hello, Jack, old boy. Hiya, Tom. What are you doing these days, Jack? I'm on the radio. Glad to hear. So long. So this is the automatic. Say, mister, let me have a quarter's worth of nickels. Here you are. And I guess I'll get a cup of coffee. Hmm, this must be the coffee slot. Number, please. What's that? That's a telephone slot. What are you trying to get? Donuts. I'm really not used to this place. Where do you get the coffee, miss? Walk down four slots till you get to the custard. Turn to your right and it's three slots past the cheese. Thanks. Shall I call a taxi? No, I'll walk. Hello, Jack. What are you doing here? Hello, Mary. I just dropped over to see some of the old gang. What are you doing here? I came over to eat, too. Where's the coffee slot? Right there. Give me a nickel, will you, Jack? Here. Here. Gee, what happened? I forgot to put my cup under it. Here's another nickel. You better make it a dime this time. Why? I want to get a New England boiled dinner. Here, Mary, get what you want and I'll meet you over at the fourth table. All right. Oh, miss, where's the ham? You were just talking to him. Oh, gee, that's good. You ought to be on our program. Pardon me. Pardon me. Is this seat taken? No, sit right down. Say, aren't you Jack Benny? Yes, I am. Well, pass the salt. Here. What are you doing now, Mr. Benny? I'm leaving for California tomorrow to make a picture. California? Yes. Well, I represent the Rolling Steamship Company. Why not go by way of the Panama Canal? Seventeen days of relaxation. I see you roll and I lean over the rail and relax. Well, there's nothing so soothing as an ocean trip. And look at the rates. $170 including meals. Pass the ketchup. Here you are. Is this seat taken? No, sit down, Mary. What did you get? Chicken pie. They were all out of apple. Oh, Mary, this is Mr... This is Mr... Pass the vinegar. This is Mr. Pass the vinegar. He wants us to go by steamer through the Panama Canal. Not me. I always get seasick. But this goes through the canal. Canals make me sick, too. Oh, why don't you go home? I get homesick, too. Well, how about it, Mr. Benny? I don't know. Seventeen days is too long and I have to broadcast next Sunday. Oh, that's too bad. If I change my mind, where can I always reach you? At the coffee slot. Don't forget to put a cop under it. Come on, Mary. Let's get out of here before any of our friends see us. Hello, Jack. Uh-huh, it's Kenny Baker. Make believe we're looking for somebody. Hey, what are you folks doing here? We're looking for somebody. Me, too. I'm looking for the bean slot. Hey, Kenny, don't tell the gang you saw us here. Oh, you know me, Jack. In one slot and out the other. See you later. Oh, Jack, look, there's Johnny Green in his orchestra. Where? At the water fountain. I guess Johnny's treating. Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Johnny. Well, well, fancy meeting you here. Oh, I just came in to see some of the old faces I used to know. I came in to get some atmosphere for a song I'm writing. Don't forget to put a cop under it. Johnny, don't say anything to Wilson. He thinks I eat at the rip. Okay. Oh, Miss, let me have some nickels, please. How many? Six. Where are the jello slots? Down there where that crowd is. Thank you. Oh, hello, Jack. Hello, Wilson. Say, Don, come here a minute, will you? All right. I won't tell anybody. Oh, Jack. Jack, look who's coming in. Pardon me, Miss. Missy, is this the Opamax? Yes. Well, give me some nickels, please. Here you are. Oh, they're fucked together.