 Welcome back to the things Mr. Welch is not allowed to do in our RPG, Numbers 101-200. I am not allowed to pay anything. I am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the taxpayer's dime. There is no such thing as a Club 3 of Cup Checks. Nor is there a one longsword 5 against party members. I am not allowed to polymorph anyone to aave Vigota. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat. There is no such game as wear a shark to buffet. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car. Not allowed to serenade a party even if my character has an internal tape deck. I did not pick the Garrett skill last week from my grandmother. If the gun can't fit through the X-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane. My droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nicholson siliquy. The denny litch only falls when we are getting stuffed into the bag of holding once. My musical instrument does not double as a personal flotation device. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final supervillain showdown. I am restricted to memorizing floating discs only once per day. I will pick a more traditional paladin weapon instead of a sledgehammer. My character's names cannot be anagrams of playboy playmates. Not allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang again. I am not a contractor for Dragon Cave cleaning services incorporated. The paladin's alignment is not lawful anal. Not allowed to forget to mention traps when the power gamer has point. I cannot insert the words kill, fill, sorry fill into any list of instructions. Laundry ray can only snap coincidentally so many times per day. Doors do not count as burrowing animals. Not allowed to download AOL 6.0 on the Arasaka mainframe. Poker gnomes exist only in my mind. Not allowed to name my ship to anti-disestablish materialism. I am not authorized to form the head. Not allowed to bet how many times the lich bounces. There is no such feat called death blossom. My acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round. The Kingsguard official name is not the royal order of the red shirt. I cannot demand payment in electrum, I mean back rubbs or bubble wrap. I cannot start the 7C campaign with three confirmed dragon kills. I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy. If the mere thought of it costs the other sanity, I am forbidden from doing it. My bard is required to take levels in the perform skill and cannot just play by ear. The Dutch language does not exist in the forgotten realms. My maid does not know kung fu. Not allowed to give a four-year-old a sugar rush just to jack up the CR later. Not allowed to buy a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right. There is no such thing as pleasure armor. I cannot go back in time to cut in line to the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Wozinski when signing documents. Not allowed to play in Australia in any game set before 1600. Hobbits are not allowed to have Norse ancestry. There is no gnomish desk grip, and even if there was, it wouldn't involve tongs. Looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious victory. Not allowed to create recreational drugs in a suppository format. Halflings do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower. When the guy is at negative nine hit points, it is not the best time for my cleric to convert him. I will not propose to every noble woman at the royal ball until I crit my charisma check. I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck. I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason. When one person forgets to buy rations, eating the half elf is not our first option. Any capital scale weapon is not my little friend. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells. I will not double as trash disposals. I will not load any gatlin weapon with nothing but paint rounds. I will not nail every single female party member except for the elf chick played by that creepy guy. Whatever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner. Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy breeds. I am not the tattle to the halfling assassin's mom about his career choice. I am forbidden from replacing anything with Folger's crystals to see if they notice. Not allowed to bribe the enemy commander into withdrawing with a stolen Elvis LP collection. I was not recruited by Star League for any reason. I was also not recruited by 12 dwarves in a wizard to rob a dragon. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility. I cannot name my character X-A-G-Y-G or any anagram thereof. My characters' dying words are not allowed to be haste or haste or haste-er. At no point can I justify spending force point on a seduction check. I am not allowed to re-create Veer's March of the AT-ATs on Zentil Keep. There is no use of Shatner's spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check. I am not directly descended from either Huey Lewis or any member of the news. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer, or isle of Lingerhens. Stinking clouds of privilege, not a right. There is no profanities in Celestial. Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty. I have neither the touch nor the power. I cannot quote Shakespeare and Crenos. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any D-20 supplement. A starting character has no need for one hundred gold pieces worth of hemp rope. My bar does not need roadies for a dungeon crawl. No cutting line to be a guide. I cannot gain more than three drama die per session for making the GMP. I cannot play an elf with a Scottish accent nor a Cajun dwarf. Since a wretch is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character of creation. Dual wielding small animals is strictly forbidden. My character is not related in any way to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols. I cannot use a silent feat-enabled power word stun and blame it on the dog. I cannot name a character anything that I can't say politely in another country. My epic level character cannot take on the minor goblin minutes to his country just to stay sharp. Not allowed to steal my own soul. My third wish cannot be I wish he wouldn't grant this wish. I cannot name my character cliche canon characters from other systems.