 I'm the technology evangelist at StackEngine. We do enterprise, docker, container management, orchestration, blah, blah, blah, who cares? I'm StackEngine Jesus. All right, so my kids ask me, dad, you fly around the country and people listen to you. Why? We don't listen to you. And so I said, well, family, I talk about this thing called DevOps. Everybody wants to do the DevOps. And so they said, explain this DevOps thing to me, dad. And I said, well, cool. So it's all about culture and sharing. And you really should read the book, it's a Phoenix project. And that really didn't work out well. Indeed, my 10 year old looked at me and said, culture, isn't that like when the doctor sticks the stick in the back of my throat and I gag? So I sort of needed a different way to explain it that didn't involve gagging. So I said, let's do some DevOps at home. So I came up with this idea of home ops. I had suck ops on the brain. I had bread ops on the brain, but I landed on laundry ops. And my family was like, yeah, we don't care. So I said, we're gonna do it. So we do a load of laundry a day and we are still doing this well over a year later. Does it work? Yes. Some things to keep in mind. We were optimizing our family time. We were not trying to optimize water or energy. We had a tool for that. It's called an energy efficient washing machine, okay? Family time was the thing that mattered to us. Family time is the time is the coin of our realm. So what happened? Well, turns out we ended it with a lot more family time. My wife, instead of taking on all of the laundry every Sunday and essentially being tied to that so that we as a family couldn't go and do a thing, we don't think about that anymore. We just throw in the load when we come back from whatever we're doing. We throw in the dryer, we fold it. Poof, gone. And this ends up meaning our whole family existence is a bit more humane. It's a bit more family time-ish. Yay, right? And this is exactly what Jez Humble's whole point is about continuous delivery. Make releases sane. Make them matter to humans so that humans have a great place to work. And then there were all sorts of side effects. The feedback loop came from my family to me. The first thing I noticed is our hampers were always empty and my closet was full. And so I started thinking about this and my wife and I ended up working out that there are roughly $12,000 of clothes in our closets. We didn't even look in our dresser drawers. We were already crying by then. $12,000. And I got to thinking, wow, that's a lot of cash tied up in clothes. That's a lot of inventory. And I started thinking, Elia, who gold rats come out of the grave into my closet, it was really scary. And so if clothes are like features, then there's something that you need to think about here. Let's think about cost and revenue for a moment. If you can drive the cost in your company to zero, I will guarantee you one and only one thing, you are out of business. But revenue has no theoretical cap and we'll talk about that a little bit more in a moment. Features are the lifeblood of any software company. Features are the things that your marketing team goes out and makes noise about that your sales people then go and sell. Okay, features are revenue. So if features are revenue, then we need to get those darn things out faster. Now, a little back of the napkin math means what you have here is if you have 10 people working for $75 an hour, your engineers, your project managers, your QA people and you're releasing every month, hey, that sounds great except that you have by the end of that month, $132,000 of salary tied up in your version control system in your version control closet. It's sitting there and that's risk to the business. We don't know if those things are good. We haven't been able to create an experiment around them. We need to think about that. So I also gained some other insight like bulk loads. I'm gonna come home from this conference. I'm gonna have a bunch of clothes I wasn't able to wash. I'm gonna have a big old pile, right? So I should break process. Oh, it's total, no. I just do a load of laundry. It happens to be a bigger load of laundry, but I have spare capacity in my washing machine because I picked the right tool. Goldrat says you must have spare capacity for a system to operate efficiently. Okay, so over the course of the next few days, those loads will just get smaller and smaller until I'm just kind of back on an even keel. I didn't need to break process. That was a big learning for me about continuous delivery just from doing this. So I keep calm and I do a load and life is good. The pile of clothes just, it decreases over time. And now I'm gonna stand here like an idiot. Okay, special loads. Special loads, towels, sheets, whatever, right? Delicates, what do we end up doing? Well, it turns out it wasn't a great solution, but it works. Tows are on Monday, sheets are on Tuesday. That's it, life is good. We're doing this thing for real and it really helped us. We have more higher quality family time. I mean, look at all these great shirts my kids are wearing. That really is my wife. I didn't go and get anybody to pose for that. That's broken. That is not my slide. Oh man, I wanna hug. All right, so this really did help us. I'm not sure where we are in the 15 seconds. I'm gonna stand here and look like an idiot again. All right, so are you thinking to yourself, my laundry is special? I couldn't do this. I'm not gonna do this. This is stupid. Well, I want you to think about that from your CTO's perspective from just a minute. You're gonna go to that person with your great DevOps theory idea and you're gonna say, dude, we so need to do this and dude is gonna say, hell no. And you're gonna walk away going asshole, man, he doesn't understand nothing. You know what, you don't understand. You don't understand that you need empathy for these people. You're asking that person to risk the company in their career when you won't even risk your laundry. Wanna talk about this a little more? Let's do it.