 There's a famous adage that goes, if you want something you've never had before, you need to do something you've never done before. Similarly, people often offer the advice, nothing changes if nothing changes. To those who find themselves stuck, be it in their personal life, career, or even their relationships. Now, would you agree with these sayings? Because if not, then the paradoxical secret we're about to tell you now is bound to surprise you and make no sense. Defining the Sherlock paradox. See, the way our minds work is a lot like the great detective Sherlock Holmes. Always looking for clues and piecing things together. And the Sherlock paradox of attraction posits that our perceptions of ourselves, which we confirm with evidence from our experiences and environments, greatly influences how others in turn perceive us to be. In fact, a 2012 study by Kranz, Friedberg, and Andrew Seven found that the effect of physical attractiveness in predicting a person's popularity depended on their self-perceptions, regardless of how objectively attractive they are. So whatever it is we believe about ourselves, we then start to interpret our experiences and other environmental cues in a way that confirms these beliefs. This is called a self-fulfilling prophecy, which researchers Madden, Willard, Gull, and Schur define as a belief that leads to its own fulfillment by shaping an individual's behaviors in expectancy consistent ways. Simply put, this means that even if we believe something about ourselves that isn't true, we make it come true by thinking and acting as if it already is. A very good example of this and how it relates to our relationship and romantic attractiveness is the idea of contingent self-esteem, or CSC for short. First studied by researchers, me, Bush, Conveo, and Cook in 2008, CSC is a core component of our self-perceptions based on external factors, such as popularity, romantic success, the approval of others, and how we think we compare to those around us. Like most of our beliefs, CSC is often formed in our childhood. Our early experiences teach us what to think of ourselves based on how other people treat us. If they like us and we have a lot of friends, we might get the idea that we're wanted, attractive, or well-liked. If they reject, criticize, or abandon us however, then it'll form this belief in us that we're not enough for that something is wrong with us. And once we have this belief about ourselves, be it positive or negative, we then begin to behave in ways that are aligned with these beliefs only making them stronger over time. Say, for example, you have a negative perception of yourself. Perhaps you think, I'm unattractive. So you start acting like you are and think everyone else thinks it too. You don't make much effort to look good, you don't try to flirt with your crush, or let them know you're interested and you always put yourself down, never believing anyone who compliments you. People like this, who are overly self-critical and insecure, then become unattractive to others, not because of the way they look, but the way they act. Ways to apply the Sherlock paradox. Now let's turn it around, shall we? The question I'm sure you're dying to ask, the entire reason why you're even here in the first place. How do we use the Sherlock paradox to make ourselves more attractive? Well, it's simple really. The principle is much like that of a Chinese finger trap. The more you try to get something, the harder it seems to be. So you have to do something paradoxical instead. The opposite of what you want to achieve. But how on earth is that supposed to work? You're wondering. Keep in mind these two things, reactance and reverse psychology. Recall a time when someone tried to push you to do something or act a certain way. Didn't their pressure only make you wanna do the opposite? That's called reactance, and it happens in romantic attraction too. The main reason why reverse psychology works is that when people feel pressured to act a certain way, they often prefer to do the opposite in order to assert their autonomy. And this is based on Brehm's 1989 reactance theory. So to answer your question, there are two paradoxical ways to attract your crush. First is to act in a way that's the opposite of what you want. And second is to make yourself more attracted simply by believing it. Some concrete examples include giving them space when you wanna get closer to them. Showing them that you're okay who is spending less time together. Showing a willingness to be less physically close or intimate when you actually wanna be more physically affectionate. Making less of an effort to woo them and get their attention thereby making yourself seem more secure and sure of yourself. And most important of all, planting a belief that you are attractive and that your crush would be lucky to have you. Then look for signs that point to yes and act accordingly to strengthen this belief and make it come true. So what are some ways you plan to start applying this paradoxical secret to attracting your crush? Remember nothing in life is possible if we don't first think it possible. Confidence is key to attractiveness and a strong sense of self-confidence starts with a simple belief.