 It's not necessarily the case that swipe life is bad. I mean, if that's what you're about in a particular phase of life, there's no issue there. But if what you're aiming for is to really develop deep, long-lasting relationships, then it's sort of contraindicated to be going out with lots of different people every single week, but not deepening any one relationship. The more options we have, the harder it is to pick. There's this really fascinating study by Sheena Iyengar from Columbia that the study started with jams in the supermarket and they had people pick from either six or 24 and they found that people were unable to sort of pick a jam if there was too many options. And they've extended that research to the dating sphere and they find the same thing. It's much harder to commit if we're overwhelmed by options. And so one of the strategies is to sort of narrow the band that although it's kind of nice in theory to have all the options in the world, it actually can overwhelm you and make it much harder to get to know a person. And the other thing to kind of think about is that what we know from research is that a lot of those dating sites that say that they have algorithms that help you find your one right match, it's actually not quite accurate. They've done these very giant reviews. Eli Finkel, who's a lead researcher from Northwestern, you guys are smiling, so you probably know a lot of this research already and have talked about it before. But I just think it's really important that people are reminded that like the way that you find the right person is by getting to know people, developing internal culture, seeing if you mesh, seeing how well you get along and knowing that there's no one perfect person but that it's really about developing and growing together. Well, since we've opened this can of worms, let's get into it because this will lead into finding a good person, a good match for ourselves and building that relationship which we're gonna get into in a bit. And one of the things that you mentioned is the algorithms and what the advertisements say they are doing for you who are gonna use their app. But we all know that Tinder and Bumble and the resident dating apps, I would say most of them have fallen into the same trap as social media where they're all fighting for your attention because they can make more money the longer you're on the app. So the more choice that you have the longer you're stuck there. One of the things that's interesting is Los Angeles is ground zero for a lot of the cultural messaging that the rest of the United States and the rest of the West is gonna go off of. And so you can see the messaging and the advertisements that are going all over Hollywood. And this is some ideas and narratives that they want you to buy into. And one of the ones for dating sites was Swipe Life that having endless partners and going out every night with what on a new date is the life that you need. And if they can get you to buy into the idea of Swipe Life you're going to spend more time on those apps and they are going to make more money. So they're not in the market of finding you a happy partner. They're in the market of getting you to buy into the idea that keeps you on that site that much longer. And AJ and I were laughing because you would see these advertisements for Swipe Life everywhere in Hollywood. And that was one of the most interesting things for me living there was seeing the messaging going on there and whether or not it was going to be accepted in other areas. But that's where they would start the first pushes of that advertising. And it was really unique and interesting to see that play out as living there and somebody who is on those sites and I regularly in fact I've talked about this on the show only to have gotten matches ago. I know who you are. I even listened to that episode. I'm like, oh my God, it is interesting. But you're correct in the manner that you want to narrow in who it is that you want to be dating. And in order to find out what it is that you want from a partner, you also have to figure out what you don't want. I think a big part of it that's a challenge for many of our clients is that these apps feed you new opportunities. So they're fighting for your attention. And even if you may have found someone who could be a potential partner, they're sending you an email notifying you of all the other potential matches and you don't really spend enough time with any one person when you are in swipe life to determine whether or not they are a good fit. And the novelty of meeting someone new and going on a new first date does definitely draw a lot of our attention away from those potential partners and opportunities that we already have in front of us. Yeah, and I think that's where values clarification really comes in handy because it's not necessarily the case that swipe life is bad. I mean, if that's what you're about in a particular phase of life, there's no issue there. I think it can be great fun to engage in a lot of different relationships, meet lots of new people, get out, try new restaurants and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. But if what you're aiming for is to really develop deep long lasting relationships, then it's sort of contraindicated to be going out with lots of different people every single week, but not deepening any one relationship. And so that's a really good moment to sort of really take a step back and say what kind of a dating life do I want to be building and how do I want to show up and what ways do I want to be cultivating these kinds of relationships? And if you again decide that the swipe life is right for you for that moment in your life, then I think go for it. And if you decide it's not, then you have a compass, an internal compass, to say, okay, here's an opportunity for me to slow it down and really get to know one or a few people rather than kind of continuing to introduce new people and new elements to the dating life. So Dan Arielli made a really good point about this. I think when we had him on the show quite a while ago, he talked about the swipe life being a little bit like an apartment where you don't have a contract. So you could change out of the apartment at any time. So the moment it gets even just a tiny little bit messy, you're off to the next one. And he said that in the dating world, it's a lot like that where on those apps you see all those amazing people and you see all their goods and they're just perfect. And then you get to know someone and you realize they're not a perfect, they're flaws here and there. And of course, well, everyone on the dating app, however, is perfect. So you go back to the app and you jump to the next option. Where would you say, or how would you say someone goes about and says, okay, I do realize this person is not perfect. There are some flaws, but I do want to invest into this relationship instead of going after the next Chinese air quotes object on the dating market. I don't think that there's a specific recipe for that, but I do think that it has a lot to do with your values and your position in life. And I think timing has a lot to do with it and fit has a lot to do with it and your goals have a lot to do with it. And I think that's sort of how you want to make that assessment. And then you also want to kind of check in with the other person and make sure that your goals and values are aligned. So if you're at a point in your life where you're really thinking about making a long-term commitment and that you think that this person is, I'm gonna use the word good enough because I think that it's a reasonable term. And in fact, the paradox of choice terminology is satisfying, right? Satisfying means good enough, right? You're not maximizing because there is no maximal kind of relationship because there is no perfect relationship and there is no perfect partner. So if you decide that there is somebody who that you've met somebody and gotten to know them enough that you could imagine developing a lifelong relationship, then I think that is a good time to kind of check in with them, see if the values align, if your life goals align and to kind of take it there. One interesting thing that that connects to though is this question of moving in together, which I find the research on this fascinating. So there's this concept that is out of the University of Denver. The researchers are Stanley and Howard Markman. And they have this concept of sliding versus deciding where oftentimes people will move in together in order to kind of test, like, is this the right relationship for me? Can I live with this person? Can we cohabitate in a way that feels right for me? But what we find is that testing a relationship like that is actually predictive of relationship dissolution. So if you move in together, in order to test whether you should commit, it's actually a predictor of the relationship not lasting. And the interesting reason why is the commitment is missing. That when we move in together, when we decide to commit, the commitment has to come first because inevitably you will run into challenges. You will run into friction between you and your partner because they're gonna be different than you. They're gonna have a different history. They're gonna have different priorities in terms of how they keep the household clean and how often they wanna do the grocery shopping and how early they wanna go to bed and wake up, how often they wanna have sex. All these kinds of differences are gonna emerge and it's commitment that sees you through. And so when we test our relationships by moving in together, that actually turns out to be problematic for the long-term stability of the relationship. And I think that's an interesting finding that I wish more people knew about. Yeah, it's counterintuitive. You would think that taking that step, at least to test and see if cohabitation works for you is a step in that right direction towards a more strong committed relationship.