 Recently, we've talked a lot about borderline personality disorder and I've talked a lot about a specific therapy called DBT or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and a lot of people out there are like, what's that? How does it help borderline personality disorder? Well, that is exactly what we're talking about in this video. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health. So if you are somebody like me who is regularly trying to improve your mental and emotional well-being, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell, alright? So I do a lot of videos on borderline personality disorder. I actually have an entire playlist on it. And one of the reasons for that is that I have worked with many, many, many people who have borderline personality disorder back when I was working in a rehab. I still talk to some people who have it. They message me for advice or pointing them in the right direction of resources because I'm not a therapist. I'm just like, yo, here's some resources. Those of you who can't afford therapy, there are plenty of books out there for one of the best forms of therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. And I think it's really important to understand this therapy so if you have BPD, give it a try. If you know someone who has BPD, have them give it a try because here's the thing. Borderline personality disorder can be managed. There is living proof of this. If you look in the comments of some of my recent videos, you will see people discuss how their BPD has become something that's under their control and they are no longer having these massive relationship problems or massive life problems. But BPD is one of the most highly stigmatized disorders out there. One of the best descriptions I've heard of BPD is that they are like emotional burn victims. So like a regular burn victim, you touch, it's very sensitive. This is how the emotions are for someone who has borderline personality disorder. But there are things that they can do to work on these things. And Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, it's great for a lot of people. I've taken some of these lessons from DBT and implemented them in my own life because they help. They help us struggle with these things even if we don't have a diagnosed disorder. So one of the first DBT skills, one of the core concepts of DBT is mindfulness. So if you know somebody with borderline personality disorder or you are somebody with borderline personality disorder, one of the most difficult symptoms is impulse control. One of the other difficult symptoms is emotional regulation. So the emotions, they flare up, right? They are these extremes of emotions. So you combine this problem with emotional regulation and impulse control and it becomes a major issue. One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Victor Frankel. He is a psychologist who actually was in a concentration camp and he wrote a book called Man's Search for Meaning. Well anyways, one of the quotes from Victor Frankel says, between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom, all right? So between stimulus and response, there's a space, okay? So when we get triggered, when our emotions go off and they flare up, right? There's this space. There's this little gap in there where we get to choose our response and that's what mindfulness is. This is why it is such an important skill for people struggling with borderline personality disorder because of that impulsiveness, because of, you know, flying off the handle. This is one of the reasons why it's so difficult for people with BPD to hold these relationships, all right? But the next skill in dialectical behavioral therapy is distress tolerance skills. So again, using that emotional burn victim analogy, right? It is easy to get distress and this is why a lot of people, unfortunately, don't understand borderline personality disorder, okay? Like, they don't understand, like, just because that same situation wouldn't have affected you, it will affect somebody who has borderline personality disorder. It is easy for them to get very distress and that's where we need to have some empathy. But with dialectical behavioral therapy for borderline personality disorder, one of the core skills is learning how to get through these stressful situations, whether it's difficulties at a job, whether it's difficulties in a relationship, whatever it is, kind of like these internal, like, soothing methods, okay? Because as anybody who has BPD or has worked with somebody or, you know, knows somebody with BPD, that reaction to the distress can cause some wreckage and some difficulties. Like we talk about black and white thinking with borderline personality disorder, like that intense feeling of that fear of abandonment, that can be very stressful and then it turns into this outward action, whether it's screaming at somebody or running away or diving into those impulsive behaviors which are usually self-destructive, whether it's substance abuse, promiscuity, sometimes it's self-harming behavior. So DBT teaches you how to learn, how to deal with those situations, all right? So the next skill of dialectical behavioral therapy is interpersonal effectiveness skills, okay? So people at BPD, it is very hard for them to maintain relationships, right? Whether it's with significant others, whether it's with friends, whether it's with family members, could be co-workers, could be bosses, could be people on the street if you work in retail, maybe it's dealing with customers, right? So these interpersonal effectiveness skills, they are about learning how to have healthy communications, right? Part of, like, you know, the distress tolerance is learning to step back and recognize your thoughts, right? What are you feeling right now? Is it this fear of abandonment? Where is this coming from? See, one of the things I love about mindfulness is so many of us are experiencing these emotions and we don't know what they are, we don't even take a second to address what they are. So when we work on developing that pause button, right, when we pause, then we can chill and have that conversation with somebody, okay? Because sometimes people at BPD are made to think, like, oh, you're just completely out of it. Like, you don't even realize what's going on, you're always doing this, right? Like, for people at BPD, not only is that experience extremely real, right? But a lot of times, those feelings and emotions are valid. The problem is, is that they go to this extreme and they cause these destructive behaviors, okay? So although you may be feeling something valid, like, if you're in a relationship and your partner is doing some whack stuff, right? Like, your feelings may be very valid, but you're never going to resolve that conflict if you can't learn how to have healthy communication, all right? So the last DBT skill is emotional regulation skills, okay? So I've discussed this in other videos. Like, the way I look at emotional regulation, okay, like, is on a scale where zero's in the middle, you got plus 10, you got minus 10, right? So most people, most people, when they experience an emotion, even at its extreme, right? It goes between zero and, like, five or six, right? And then a negative emotion, it goes from, like, zero to negative five or six. But one of the things that most people have due to emotional regulation, right, is they're able to bounce back and get back to that place, that baseline, all right? So think of it like one of those, like, sock'em, old school sock'em dolls with the sand at the bottom, right? Like, with people with borderline personality disorder, it's a lot harder to get back to that middle. So it's like hitting one of those dolls, it's like, where somebody with a kind of normal emotional regulation, it just kind of goes, and it goes back to middle, right? But aside from that, people with borderline personality disorder, rather than hitting like a plus five or minus five it goes to like 10 on both sides right they're not just happy they're ecstatic right they don't just get sad they're depressed they don't just like somebody they fall in love some with somebody they don't just get a little bit upset or annoyed they get pissed okay so in DBT you learn how to regulate those emotions and also return back to that center that baseline even quicker all right so if you're somebody who struggles with borderline personality disorder or you know somebody who struggles with borderline personality disorder again I am not a licensed professional but I try to provide people with resources what I would recommend is finding a therapist who either A specializes in borderline personality disorder or B specializes in dialectical behavioral therapy the the best way to find a therapist is typically through your insurance company call them ask them if they have a list of therapists I'm not sure if all insurance companies will say like oh this therapist specializes in this sometimes you'll have to get the list of therapists then do a little research a lot of therapists have websites a lot of them are on social media it's 2020 so everybody is you can also talk to your doctor as well I've done some videos in the past like some people talk to their doctors about this because there are some medications that can help with BPD such as anti-depressants anti-anxiety mood stabilizers and things like that but your doctor might be able to recommend a therapist or a psychologist lastly you can always try online therapy especially in this time of social distancing I personally use an app it's also a website called better help online therapy I have an amazing therapist she knows all about the therapy that I personally like which is REBT rational motive behavioral therapy so if you would like to try out better help online therapy there's a link in the description and in the pinned comment and it's an affiliate link so basically you get affordable online therapy and a little bit comes back to help support the channel all right but anyways share this with somebody who you think might benefit from DBT but that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new makes you subscribe and ring that notification bell and a huge thank you to everybody who supports the channel around patreon as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my books at the rewired soul.com as well as the rewired soul merch like this shirt with my girlfriend's adorable cat Wyatt all right thanks again for watching I'll see you next time